In the Meantime….

Published on May 16, 2012 in anxiety, blow jobs, crazy, depression, emotions, illness, libido, mental illness, musings, neurosis, stress and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I thought I’d check in with you all. I haven’t felt like writing while I go through the “discontinuation syndrome” that goes along with gradually decreasing my zoloft dose (with the goal of getting off it entirely). It’s so funny how the pharmaceutical companies like to spin it as “discontinuation syndrome.” Last I checked withdrawal was the word regular people used.

I did well going from 100 mg per day to 75 mg. I hit a little random endogenous depression midway through that week but it wasn’t bad. Then I decreased the dose to 50 mg on Friday and all hell broke loose. By Sunday I was angry at everyone and everything. I don’t know how MasterDoc put up with me. Monday and Tuesday were spent home “sick” while I felt all weird, anxious and crazy. I was afraid that if I went out in public for long that something would set off my anger or I’d freak out, or something. I wandered the apartment agitated for much of Monday. I couldn’t focus on any one thing. I felt depressed and pondered suicide because I felt such despair over the idea of having these depressive bouts for the rest of my life. I felt like doing self-harm. (But I have strict orders from MasterDoc not to damage his property.)

MasterDoc has asked me to state clearly that this is my experience with zoloft – not everyone reacts this way. I’m sure there are people who find their depression controlled while on zoloft, whereas I’ve heard of others with a similar reaction to mine. For me, prozac seemed to help reduce the length and severity of my depression for several years until it stopped working. I hoped that just changing drugs would help but it’s made me feel like I’ve felt at my worst; I haven’t felt this badly since high school or thereabouts.

Thankfully, I have sick time and can take a day or two off as needed. Yesterday in the afternoon it was as if a fever broke – I suddenly felt like I could handle things again. I don’t feel totally ok, but I stopped being worried I would lose control of the facade out in public. I made it through a whole work day today and was actually really productive. I hope this means my brain has adjusted to the lower dose. I plan to keep on it a bit longer than I did the previous dose.

In the meantime, MasterDoc has found us what he likes to call a serving girl. Camy is a young submissive who was looking for friends on one of the kink websites. She wanted to see a poly, D/S based household and on a whim, MasterDoc invited her over to watch him play with a couple of play partners. During the course of that day (I came home in the afternoon after the two ladies from his tryst were gone) he suggested that she work for us doing domestic stuff while DeeDee is away on a trip. She made dinner that night and cleaned up. MasterDoc is paying her for the time she spends working, but she’s a service-inclined submissive and she likes to cook. He bemoans that he offered to pay her BEFORE he gave her orgasms that he thinks would have had her working for free (how’s that for confidence!). She’s adorable and very sweet as well. While I’m struggling through the “discontinuation syndrome” (Ha! That term is starting to crack me up) she’ll come over a couple of times a week to work for us (and likely less often down the road also).

My libido is still mostly crappy but we have had sex. I’m having even worse dryness than usual thanks to whatever drug is causing it. Intercourse can be uncomfortable, but orgasms still make me feel much better. I find that sex with MasterDoc is still a wonderful reprieve from feeling crazy and at loose ends. Shane was over last week and I started getting hot as we fooled around. He figured that since I had had sex recently he wanted getting his dick sucked to come first. Fair enough. But without physical stimulation to my body I found that I wasn’t horny and interested in sex after getting him off. He was up for whatever I wanted, and in the end a back massage was my biggest desire.

A thought: We stigmatize mental illness because at its worst it’s frightening to deal with a mentally ill person. But most people with a mental illness, except at their very worst, are not usually going to show signs of it around people like coworkers or even family and friends. Because of the stigma attached, I didn’t go into work and say, “Yeah I was going crazy from reducing my zoloft dose,” regarding the days I took off. But really, how is this different from someone with any (other) physical chronic condition? Sometimes it’s under control… other times it’s not and when I’m ill enough I take a sick day. Big deal. Seriously, let’s stop making this such a big deal.

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Changing the World, One Slut at a Time

Published on May 8, 2012 in bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, cunnilingus, D/s, exhibitionism, gang bang, happy, masochism, mental illness, sadism, sex, sex parties, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, threesome and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

It’s been less than a week since I’ve been on a slightly lower dose of zoloft (versus the half dose jump I took weekend before last) and I feel fairly human again. I’m still fragile and needy and getting headaches, but I haven’t taken xanax since Friday! Later this week I’ll lower the dose more, and we’ll see how it goes. The intention is to get off the evil drug within a few weeks and then stick to just the wellbutrin I’m already on. I want to take fewer drugs now since I’m at a great place in my life. I have a home where I feel loved and safe. I have great relationships and my job is going well. Until I tried the zoloft, I was doing pretty darn good. There was some depression when the prozac pooped out, but the zoloft decidedly made things much worse.

Saturday night I went out with MasterDoc and Daisy to the swing club. She hadn’t been to one before, and she took to it like a duck to water. It was day two on my lower dose and already my mood was improving. It wasn’t perfect, but MasterDoc has learned by now: if he makes me come at the start of the evening, I’ll be able to blissfully go with the flow for the rest. He had Daisy go down on me. The men at the club gathered around almost immediately. MasterDoc helped in some way. I forget how.

When I came, I squirted – right into Daisy’s mouth. Oh my! Luckily she’s not squicked out by such things. MasterDoc fingered me and made me come some more. The night was off to a good start. But then, MasterDoc removed his hand from my pussy and it was bloody. Great! It wasn’t a period (haven’t had one in ages since going on the pill to attempt to lessen PMDD symptoms) but his usually long and jagged fingernails! This put my pussy out of commission for the rest of the night, although it really only limited penetration, and penetration by strangers at that. (Even with a condom I think it’s too risky to fuck a stranger while having an open wound in my vagina.)

For perhaps the first time, I was happy as a clam to not be the center of attention. It was a special night for Daisy, and MasterDoc used her but good in front of the crowd. He spanked her hard. He didn’t notice that I played with her lovely, full tits and then made out with her while he spanked. He fucked her and had some other guy lick her pussy then fuck her too. Apparently the guy’s cock was big, and Daisy is really good about talking dirty. She let us know his cock was so big. MasterDoc asked if it was too big and she shook her head. We laughed.

Another guy took his turn and it was so sexy to watch. Daisy is a big, curvy woman and I like the look of someone’s hands on a curvy woman’s hips as they fuck her from behind.

MasterDoc fucked her again, and I think we took a break after that. She and I both had squirted on the bed. Can’t take us anywhere. A very public blowjob was given during our “break” with Daisy and I taking turns on our knees making MasterDoc feel good. There was cock choking all around.

When we resumed, Daisy was more than ready for more fucking. The girl was certainly up for a gangbang. MasterDoc played with her pussy in front of the crowd, and I held the flashlight. I was totally happy to be holding the flashlight and just watching. I think I may be a bit more voyeur than usual since I’ve been on this drug. I hope my exhibitionism comes back full force when I’m off it. (As well as my usually remarkable capacity for quick arousal.) Daisy was groped by various men and made to come some more. I whispered to MasterDoc, “Maybe I could lick her pussy.”

Earlier in the evening he mentioned that she made a comment that implied she wanted her pussy licked. Now, a random guy had already done it, but I got past the ridiculous social programming that often makes me hesitant to go down on women. It was a lot of fun. She just kept moaning my name. I’m not used to that! It was hot, and I’m sure the guys enjoyed watching it. I used the dildo that was already in her pussy and fucked her with it. She also had anal beads in her ass by then.

Daisy didn’t get more cock (at least, not from anyone other than MasterDoc, I think) that night and we headed home around 1:30 or so. I was tired and wanted a somewhat early night. I didn’t conk out until 3:00 a.m., but what a fun night it was! As we waited for the elevator in my building, I told Daisy, “It’s fun being a slut, isn’t it?” Indeed, it is. And MasterDoc has now helped another slut come out of her shell.

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Daisy Visits

Published on May 2, 2012 in bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, caning, cunnilingus, D/s, kink, nipple clamps, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, threesome and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I needed a day off work, and smartly scheduled it to coincide with a day that MasterDoc had Daisy visiting. We had such a great time last time I played with her and MasterDoc, and this time was just as stellar.

When she came in, he gave her a deep kiss and grabbed her bountiful breasts. I gave her a kiss as well, and we headed off to the bedroom. Sadly, since this was over a week ago my memory is spotty, but I remember her sucking MasterDoc’s dick as he pulled me in for a snuggle. I was getting turned on watching her make him hard. Next, MasterDoc had Daisy go down on me. Apparently she’s new to this, but I wouldn’t have known. As she licked eagerly at my pussy, MasterDoc either massaged my inner thighs to add to my pleasure, or he played with her. I couldn’t see what he was doing to her, but one of the joys of threesomes is receiving pleasure while knowing the person giving you the pleasure is being pleasured too. (That sentence is clunky, but I’ll let it stand.)

MasterDoc applied nipple clamps to me – ones I had never seen before. They didn’t hurt when he put them on (which made me look at them oddly) but he could pull on them to good effect. He got the Hitachi magic wand and used it on my clit. Together, they make me come hard. I held my pussy lips apart so the wand could press as directly against my clit as possible. The world around me disappeared. I squirted. When I pulled my hand away, MasterDoc explained, “When she pulls her hand away she’s had enough.”

He caned Daisy next. I played with her ample tits while he made her ass all red and striped. He fucked her next. I got up without being asked and started to play with his ass, “accessorizing” as he calls it. He switched to using his hands after a while, and both of us made her come and she squirted for the first time ever.

The room smelled like sex. It positively reeked of it.

He fucked me. She lent a hand when possible. As he pounded me she gently licked my toes since they were in reach. I usually find my toes too ticklish for this, but I liked it this time.

He made Daisy come again, and used the clover clamps on her. She lasted but a short while with them. I don’t do much better myself. Those motherfuckers hurt!

The day was brought to a close as Daisy received her first sybian ride. I was happy to just sit back and watch at that point. I was worn out, plus I enjoy watching women come on the sybian. It was a wonderful show as expected.

The three of us should be getting up to no good this coming weekend. Hopefully my issues with zoloft won’t put me in a crappy mood.

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Nuts

Published on April 28, 2012 in anxiety, crazy, depression, emotions, mental illness, musings and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I keep meaning to post. I have notes from an incredibly hot and fun threesome I had on Tuesday with MasterDoc and Daisy. I intend to get to it soon, but I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety in a way I haven’t in a long time. Methinks the main (and newest) drug I’m on (zoloft) is either causing more problems than it’s solving, or it’s just plain not helping. I’ve been dealing with a lot of depersonalization over the past couple of weeks. I have it now and then, but not with the frequency of the past week or two – at least not since high school.

It’s such an odd feeling. You suddenly realize that everything around you seems like a dream. You seem distant from everything, like you’re a viewer of your life rather than living it. It reinforces the idea that depression is not sadness so much as numbness. I feel like I’m floating through life. I’ve been terribly unproductive at work, but able to maintain a minimum standard so my issues don’t stand out. I want nothing more than to be home all the time, because home is a safe place. I rarely go out. When friends cancel plans to come over, I feel pretty neutral or happy about it – it gives me more time alone to distract myself with television or the Sims.

I’ve had a hard time reining in my emotional eating. My weight has fluctuated a few pounds. (At the most, I had gained back 7 pounds, but as of this morning my weight was just 2 pounds over the lowest weight I’ve attained.) Getting motivated to exercise is really hard. My back is bothering me all the time.

I feel like being alone a lot. I have a hard time getting emotionally connected to others. It’s not impossible, but it’s harder than it should be. MasterDoc and Shane have both been wonderful. Both of them respect that I’m having a hard time and do what they can to try to help me feel better. Shane’s in the middle of moving, so I’ll bet he’d have liked some sexual release when he saw me Wednesday, but he was a gentleman as always.

I can see that MasterDoc feels kinda powerless in the face of this. He wants to make it all better. He does what he can to soothe me or distract me. He gave me a flogging with the heavy flogger. It started out putting me into a blissful subspace, but his hits got too hard. I seem to have a lower pain tolerance than before. The level of pain that takes me out of happyspace and into grumpyspace has lowered significantly. MasterDoc isn’t going for harder floggings than usual.

He’s made me come. During an orgasm, I feel fabulous. My head takes leave of the depression and just feels what the body is feeling. The evilness of depression soon becomes apparent when I feel sad and like crying as he cuddles me after. Less than a minute after having an intense orgasmic experience with my Dom’s large cock inside me I can be teary eyed and frustrated at my current state.

I’ve had more anxiety than usual. I rarely take xanax outside of dealing with premenstrual dysphoric disorder, but I’ve taken it more often lately. It’s not a daily thing, and I’m paranoid about drug addiction so I try to take it only when truly needed. It helps though.

Even when I felt like the prozac stopped working a few months back I didn’t feel this bad. I’m inclined to either stop taking an SSRI for a while (but that begs the question of stopping or continuing the wellbutrin, which I mainly take to get my libido back from the SSRI du jour) or go back on the prozac.

As I said before, there’s more numbness than sadness. There’s often a sense of not knowing what to do with myself. I have a psychiatrist appointment in about two weeks. I know I should try to get an appointment earlier, but I’ve always tended towards trying to tough something out.

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Welcome Home

Published on April 21, 2012 in bdsm, blow jobs, caning, D/s, happy, libido, masochism, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I added more links to my Resources page, FYI.

MasterDoc was away for a few days, and I mostly spent time alone. Despite some loneliness, I mostly enjoyed having a quiet apartment, with little to no submissive responsibilities. Last Sunday was Shane’s birthday, so I treated him to lunch and a blow job. I got a backrub for my aching back.

When MasterDoc got home, I got two whole evenings alone with him. The first night, he got me off with the magic wand and his fingers. I think that is perhaps the most amazing combination for getting me off. His fingers pressed my g-spot and the vibe rumbled my clit. I squirted for the first time in a while. I had started worrying that I couldn’t do it.

We took a break, and when later asked if I wanted more, I replied that I was fine, but since he hadn’t gotten off I’d certainly be up for helping him do that. He wanted some time to think on it, and later I blew him while he had phone sex with another woman. I felt a little like it was work initially, but my dutifulness paid off when he fucked me but good while still on the phone. Rowr. After coming a few times, he kept his cock inside me, and just the feeling of it there, against the walls of my vagina, made me come again. Mildly, but I came all the same.

We had sex again the next night. MasterDoc started off with caning me, and it was too much. I think my pain tolerance is way down. I find myself craving roughness, but rough doesn’t equal painful for me right now – I want to be grabbed, manhandled, and physically made to do things. A good example of this is when we do cock choking. I gave him a blow job. It was fun but my jaw started to really hurt. We got in some good choking before my jaw became too much.

He fucked me doggy style next, but without any direct stimulation I wasn’t turned on enough. I had a lot of difficulty coming, and kept having negative sexual memories intruding on my mind during it. We talked about the difficulty I had, and MasterDoc understood when I pointed out that I hadn’t had enough foreplay. (It’s really been an effort for us to get used to my decreased sexual response due to zoloft. I have a million complaints about zoloft right now.) He told me to get the magic wand, and I started using it on my clit. He said that it was so hot watching me do that. I continued using the wand on my clit while he fucked me from on top this time. I came quite hard and squirted again. As a bonus, when MasterDoc was done he grabbed me by the throat a couple of times. This display of aggression made me convulse with near orgasm again. I was a truly happy girl.

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Your Suggestions Needed!

Published on April 19, 2012 in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

MasterDoc wants your input! We’re having Daisy over again on Tuesday, and he wants to top last time. Please send suggestions for using any or all of the six holes he’ll have available that day, or any use of other parts of the two ladies.

Send your suggestions to: sixholespecial (at) yahoo.

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What is “Being Triggered”?

Published on April 17, 2012 in anxiety, assault, consent, momentum, stress, trauma and Uncategorized. 3 Comments

When you go on feminist websites you’ll often see trigger warnings at the start of a post. These are put there to help people who have experienced trauma to gauge whether this is the right time for them to read about a subject that might trigger their post-traumatic stress. I know that some days, I can read about rape from a mental distance, and look at the issue from the point of view of an activist interested in tearing down the rape culture. Other times, I know I’m feeling raw and reading about something that might remind me of being raped, or sexually assaulted, would be potentially bad for me. Trigger warnings are there so people like me can decide to save the post for another time.

I don’t put trigger warnings here as it’s a personal blog. Hopefully you all take good care of yourselves and stop reading if something brings up negative feelings for you (unless of course you want to feel them and deal with them – it’s your decision). I also check off various categories for each post, so that will give you a general idea of what’s in each and it appears at the top of every post.

For those of you who haven’t experienced the “triggering” of a traumatic event, this term might be kinda mystifying to you. At Momentum, I was triggered while attending Kitty Stryker and Maggie Mayhem’s session on consent culture. Now, I had been on a panel about consent and abuse and later attended a session on domestic violence without being triggered. Triggering is often quite unexpected and you really just don’t know what will cause it.

Oddly enough, when one of them gave the advice to ask if a victim/survivor wants a hug I was triggered. (Asking is very important – being able to assert ownership over your own body can be necessary for a survivor of sexual violence.) Why was I triggered? Shortly after my assault, when I was crying on the bathroom floor of this asshole’s apartment, he came in. He made a feeble attempt at apology with, “I guess that wasn’t very fun for you,” and tried to hug me. I pushed him away, telling him not to touch me. The last fucking thing I wanted was this man touching me. Hugging came in later in the evening as well, when someone tried to get him and I to hug and “make up” – he did hug me (reeking of alcohol at this point) and I was just in a state of shock. I didn’t manage to push him away this time.

And so, voila! The topic of hugging a survivor triggered the fuck out of me. Suddenly, I felt very alone. I tweeted about things hoping for support but got none that way. Emotionally I felt the aftermath of the assault all over again. The same feeling of being alone. The same sense that no one would stand up for me. I found myself curling up in my chair, head down, for the rest of the session.

I was freaked out and not sure what to do. Most of my friends at Momentum are fairly casual friends. I didn’t feel like I could just unburden this on them. I spoke to Kitty after just to suggest having someone available for people who are triggered to talk to, and they usually do when they do the entire workshop. She also pointed out that as a survivor herself, it can be hard when people come up and just dump their stories on her. (So glad I had the presence of mind NOT to do that.) I spoke briefly with the counselor who Dr. Ruthie had present in her session, and I appreciated being able to talk a little. I felt guarded all the same. I texted MasterDoc when I couldn’t find him and he made his way to me asap. I also talked a bit with Jane (of Jane’s Guide), wiping away tears that were forming at the corners of my eyes.

Ironically (or not, really), hugs from MasterDoc helped a great deal.

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e[lust] #35

Published on April 16, 2012 in e[lust] and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

For the first time ever, I made the top 3!


Photo Courtesy of Vincent and Mia

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #36? Start with the newly updated rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ Top 3 ~

Strangers in a bar

Dealing with Abuse in Our Communities

Special Request

~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~

What Keeps Us Going

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Sex Toy Journalism: Seeking the Truths of Silicone via Flame Testing and Confronting Manufacturers – Why flame test? “Pure” silicone, be it food grade or medical grade, shouldn’t melt or deform under the heat of an open flame from a disposable lighter or match – a fact you’ll see demonstrated in the video

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Comparisons Part Three
Cosmic Vibrations
Momentum: Reflections and Impressions
My Feminine Fountain is Finally Flowing (I squirted for the 1st time!)
PolyAnna’s Musings: Attraction
Q&A Number 1: Play Partners
Sexual Bucket List (and a Brief Diatribe on My Self Censorship Hang Up)
The “Dry Rut/Root”! Non-sex?
Intolerance – Contraception Debate, Religious Intolerance, & Grumpy Cooper

Erotic Writing

Come Together
Encounter in the Spa
Flame
Good Bad Sex
I needed him there and then
inside
Make Me Cum
Namaste
Onomatopoeia
Play Lady Play
Quitting While Ahead
Rampage – YSL’s birthday treats
sleep
the Confidante and I film ourselves
third
The first time I slept with the Girl in the Red Dress
Timing Is Everything
We drink each other’s cum

Kink & Fetish

Assignment from M
Buttons
Cigars
Fucked Raw
Foot fetishists, come talk to me
Imprints
Make Me
Nice vs. Good
On “Closure.”
Practicing My Religion
Please Fuck Me
Snap

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Annie fucking Sprinkle
Voice and the Author

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Momentum, Part III

Published on April 11, 2012 in assault, bdsm, blow jobs, D/s, kink, masochism, momentum, musings, sadism, sex, slut, stupid people, swinging, threesome and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

So many thoughts still! I wanted to develop some concrete things communities can do to help make abuse something we can discuss, but haven’t gotten to it. I’ve joined a group on fetlife discussing this sort of thing (specifically for NYC) but haven’t participated yet. I’m glad that there are groups of people working on taking abuse out of the shadows and making it something we deal with. One of my favorite points I took away from the Momentum panel I was on was the concept of making a safe space for people who have violated consent in some way to come forward, explore what happened and take responsibility for it – even if they ultimately didn’t mean to do what they did. We all make mistakes but if we can’t admit to it without being crucified then abuse will only remain something silenced. Yes, even as a victim I can understand that not all harm is intentional.

There’s always going to be predators who don’t give a shit they violated someone’s consent. (Or like the guy who assaulted me – whether he did it intentionally or not, I don’t know – who only worry about covering their own asses rather than helping assuage the harm they’ve done.) But you help lessen the threat of well-meaning but mistake-making people being banished – AND thereby help those very people feel okay with discussions of violated consent. I remember speaking with a guy who agreed there’s a problem and it should be dealt with, but expressed concern that a simple mistake could make him the bad guy.

I think responsibility is the key. Calling the person crazy or accusing them of stirring up drama is so far removed from taking responsibility. The guy who kept me stuck in place, terrified, by refusing to remove the speculum I told him to take out went the route of accusing me of being crazy and dramatic.

But I think we can agree he’s an asshole, no?

_________________________________

Momentum was not all seriousness, however. MasterDoc was eager, as always, to get into some sexual adventure. And for once, I was the one who pulled it together. I went to dinner Saturday night with a blogger friend I’ve known for a few years. We both attended the now defunct In the Flesh reading series and have followed each other on twitter. She’s heteroflexible rather than bi, but when she mentioned liking to kiss women I said I did too, and soon we were making plans.

MasterDoc and I got started without her as she seemed to be taking a while to get to us. (Flirting in the hotel bar, it turned out. The slut!) He gave me a good bare-handed spanking. (I had only packed my little vibe, lube and condoms.) He then fucked me from behind, and I thought to myself, “I bet she’ll show up just as I’m coming.”

Sure enough, she did.

MasterDoc hollered that we’d be there in a minute, but she didn’t hear him through the door and knocked again a moment later. I came anyway.

Of course we socialized a bit, but she got naked pretty quickly. While talking (she’s talkative), MasterDoc started caressing her thighs and slowly working his way to her pussy. I played with her tits. Soon she was shut up as he made her feel good and come. I truly enjoyed watching. Partly because I like seeing women come, and partly because I like seeing MasterDoc feel good about his skills to make women come. Had he been a doctor in the days when they masturbated women to climax to cure “hysteria” he’d have made a killing. He’d be so busy!

Our friend wanted to know what she missed – but not just a description, she wanted to see. So he showed her. I got spanked and fucked again. As I came uncontrollably, he said, “This is why she submits to me.” Ah but one thing got left out of the second time (and out of my description above) – he took ice and teased my cunt with it. He slid a piece in. I HATE feeling cold. I was so glad that it got left out and ultimately wasn’t done a second time. Phew.

Female on female kissing didn’t happen. (I was going to say “girl on girl” but I’m starting to seriously chafe at the idea of calling grown women girls.) But I loved the laughter. I loved watching. I sucked MasterDoc’s cock while they talked. I was a good submissive and went to “accessorize” as MasterDoc fucked our friend, meaning I played with his ass and massaged his hip to keep it from getting stiff. All-in-all, it was hot.

At one point she said, “I think we both ultimately knew we’d end up playing some day.” And I had to say yes, even though it has been totally subconscious until that point.

Apparently she went on to another adventure after us. (Told you she was a slut! You all realize I’m teasing right? Sluts are fabulous in my book.) We, meanwhile, tucked ourselves into bed around 1 a.m.

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Hot Sex & A Survey

Published on April 9, 2012 in bdsm, blow jobs, bondage, D/s, electrosex/tens unit, forced orgasm, happy, horny, humor, kink, libido, masochism, neon wand, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, sybian and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

Interesting comment on my last post: a reader speaks up to say that, contrary to MasterDoc’s opinion, she likes the posts that don’t focus on my sexual adventures. I’m curious to see what the trend is, would you all be so kind as to take this quick survey? Thank you. MasterDoc teased me, asking who I paid to leave that comment. Ha ha. In all seriousness, I like to write in different veins at different times.

Meanwhile, I still have thoughts from Momentum to blog about, but I’d rather a quick sexual adventure recap instead. Two days ago, I put out the neon wand as suggestive advertising to MasterDoc. I set up for sex beforehand. The throe is essential even though I haven’t squirted in ages. I also put out my collar, wrist cuffs, cuff connector, lube, condoms, the Hitachi magic wand, my siri vibe and whatever else catches my fancy or is requested by MasterDoc. I’m encouraged to put out things I’m interested in at that time, but there’s never a guarantee he will use any of them.

We warmed up watching rough sex web porn through the television set. Next thing I know I’m actually riding him on the sofa, facing away in a reverse cowgirl sort of position. (He was seated upright.) All this exercise is paying off – I couldn’t have done that previously. We moved to the bedroom and he secured my cuffs over my head as I lay on the bed.

He went at me with the neon wand. The sex that night was very different. He tormented me with that electrical wand, but it would make me squeak like a mouse when it hurt, and that in turn made me laugh at how silly I sounded. Sometimes the sensation would tickle a little before shocking me. The result was tons of laughter while he tortured me. Who says bdsm is always dark and serious? He made me come with the Hitachi while intermittently shocking me – particularly near my clitoris. It really brought out his sadistic side. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun being tormented.

The next night we played a bit rough. I choked on his cock until my jaw was sore (which happens far earlier than I want it to!). When he really pushes my head down onto his cock it turns me on incredibly. He only leaves my throat stuffed with his cock momentarily. He knows that the idea of passing out freaks me out. But I gasp as he pulls my head off his cock and then I immediately seek it out again with my mouth. When my jaw began to tire, he slapped his cock against my face. I’ve worn smudgy eyeliner for sex lately so we can aspire to that “roughly fucked” look with smeared eyeliner. Alas, I don’t truly choke as much as I used to so my eyes don’t tear up much – the down side of getting better at deep throating. As he slaps his cock against my face, I stick my tongue out for him to slap and rub it against. It’s good dirty fun.

He fucked me. (And I came… cue repetition!) He bit me a little during our assignation – something I hope he’ll do more of! As he excused himself to use the bathroom, I felt inspired to get out the bag of clothespins. (We’ve been trying to remember to use toys we haven’t in a while.)

MasterDoc had other plans. I’ve actually wanted a sybian ride lately in light of being less sensitive genitally thanks no thanks to the zoloft. MasterDoc had decided it would be the grand finale. After an initial love affair with the machine, I grew resentful as it became the centerpiece of our nights out. MasterDoc, ever frugal *cough*Jewish*cough*, uses it to nab free entry to some parties. The sybian and I parted ways for a bit. But I think things were rekindled last night. As I orgasmed and humped the machine, I felt like a crazed addict – I didn’t want the sensation to stop EVER and I couldn’t get enough of it. It was fabulous. My pussy was mad when the rest of my body became too tired to come. It was ready to go all night!

Usually MasterDoc cuddles me during sybian rides, but this time he sat back and I leaned on his thigh. The slight distance suited the Dom/sub dynamic of last night perfectly. He could turn the knob (I only like the vibration, not the rotating dildo), sit back and laugh as I was slowly overcome by the gradually increasing vibrations.

I was speechless and grinning afterward. We cuddled, then went our separate ways in the apartment to do our own thing. Life is good.

Note: MasterDoc and I tease and joke about him being Jewish, and therefore cheap, all the time. It’s meant affectionately and I surely know that Jewish doesn’t equal cheap. If MasterDoc didn’t joke about it so much I don’t think I would.

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