Diary of a Kinky Librarian

Home Life

Published on October 4, 2011 in bdsm, cunt, D/s, forced orgasm, happy, kink, musings, orgasm denial, sex and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I’ve been living with MasterDoc and DeeDee for a month now and I’m quite happy living here. I’ve hit a total homebody phase and am usually quite content to hang around the apartment. I’ve gotten a lot of MasterDoc time and lots of hot, hot sex. I feel terrible that I no longer feel compelled to detail every encounter here. It’s just that I feel like my writing is stale. The sex, mind you, is still fantastic. I think it actually just gets better and better as time goes on.

Last night we were both in a playful, silly mood. It’s not all the time that our moods coordinate, but last night they meshed well. I love that our D/s relationship includes silly time and affection. It’s not all “suck my cock bitch!” although MasterDoc does like to say that, or some variation, often. (And often in jest in the middle of regular life.) While the sex got started via cuddling, MasterDoc soon grabbed my hair (What there is of it. It’s short, which I’m loving except for the fact that it’s harder for MasterDoc to grab me by the hair) and turned me on a great deal by grasping me firmly and speaking dirty to me. I wish I could recall what he said! Foreplay entirely consisted of this sort of play, but I was eager to come by the end of it.

He fucked me from on top, a position that is far more common for us now than before we both lost weight. While non-genitally-focused foreplay doesn’t always fully prepare my vag for sex (you do know that the vagina elongates as part of arousal, no?) if I slap on a little lube and MasterDoc takes his time, it is sweet anticipation while he puts his cock in gradually. He has a big cock, something I don’t think I mention here very often. I find it to be just right for the most part, my vag just needs a little time to open up to accommodate it. When we first started dating, the first few strokes of sex would hurt. But after that… well it fits so snugly inside me that I feel every stroke as he slides it in and out. It’s awesome.

Not all women are into being penetrated (nor all men for that matter!) but I find I really like it. While masturbation consists of clitoral stimulation, if I’m with a partner I like penile or digital (or dildo) penetration. Too deep can be problematic as my cervix doesn’t really like a pounding, but most of the time I’m too far gone into orgasm to notice.

I love the sort of “dance” that happens during sex with my orgasm. MasterDoc does thrusting that he knows will get me going, and I sorta try to hold back a little. I can hold back from orgasm indefinitely, which is why he let me know a while back that if I “accidentally” come it’s ok. So I still hold back, but I don’t grasp at that self-discipline as hard as I used to. Sometimes I’m not sure if my brain will let me let go, then MasterDoc fucks me hard and I start to wonder if I could hold back even if I tried. I love the feeling of being pushed into orgasm. As I start to come, he says, “That’s it, come cunt.” While last night was mostly what you’d call vanilla, there was still some roughness – he slapped my face during orgasm. Rowr.

We only went at it for one round, but I was feeling fabulous! I didn’t mind spending the rest of the night in less sexual pursuits.

On a different note, I finally broke down and started a tumblr. I plan to use it to share random stuff that I come across, quotes and suchlike. So far it’s fairly political but in the future I’m sure to add kinky photos that I like. It will definitely be random. It will consist of things too long to tweet but too short (or off topic) to merit a blog post. So if you like, follow me there too. If not, no problemo.

Pushing Limits, Part II

Published on September 26, 2011 in bdsm, blow jobs, D/s, dom, edge play, forced orgasm, humiliation play, kink, orgasm denial, sadism, sex, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

It’s at this point that I’m unsure about my recall of events. I know that sometime he had me suck his cock. And I remember getting into it. I love trying my hardest to make him feel good and turn him on. He thrust my head down on his cock a few times, holding it there, giving me the more intense choking scene I’ve asked for. I had to struggle to pull away and get his cock out of my mouth throat when I couldn’t take anymore. This was hot. It left me a little lightheaded. A little drooling. He did this a couple of times.

“Now get on your hands and knees and take it bitch.” I wasn’t sure if the wetness from my earlier orgasm would be enough. He made me beg for his cock. I wiggled my ass trying to reach it. He slid it in slowly, which was good since most of my body’s lubrication was on the outside. But as I got into the fucking my pussy got itself wet, and soon I was panting, hoping for permission to come. He seemed to push me a bit, which I loved, and I couldn’t quite get to orgasm without his permission. When he told me to come, I came hard though. He kept fucking me, forcing orgasms out of my body. By the time he was done with me, I was exhausted.

This limit pushing evening was exactly what I needed. I like being submissive, and I need to be ordered around and roughed up now and then by the man I love. I love MasterDoc’s nice side too, but I need regular doses of the big, bad Dominant side. And I mean sexually – I get enough Doming from him being told what to do for chores. No risk of that not being enough. Speaking of which, I need to put his laundry away.

Pushing Limits, Part I

Published on September 25, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, D/s, DeeDee, dom, edge play, embarrassment, forced orgasm, horny, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex toys, spanking, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

As you know, I’ve been finding it hard to find time to write. And if it’s not time I’m looking for, it’s motivation. I find that this week in particular has been busy with work (and work-related stress), chores around the house, and assorted other bits and pieces. To top it all off, I have to work today, Sunday, for a few hours. It feels like a sub’s and a librarian’s work is never done.

This is partially (but only partially!) down to perception. I have had some stellar time alone with MasterDoc this week. But I find when I truly have downtime, that I just want to do mindless stuff like watch a show, or play The Sims. Writing seems beyond my energy level.

But before I head off to work today, I vowed to try to get at least one blog entry written. So here we go.

Yesterday, I was really craving kink. It was funny because MasterDoc was in a totally cuddly mood. I think other than caning and such, he doesn’t necessarily push my limits as often lately. He managed to get himself into the mood talking dirty to me. And I got to experience some kink that really did push my limits.

He started talking about humiliating things he could do to me. And just the idea of most of it pushed my limits. I hoped that some of these ideas would only amount to talking, but it seems he wanted to give me what I wanted – kink.

He took me into the bathroom to piss on me. I find that piss play is something I truly hate doing, but I kinda like him being dominant and making me do it. I hesitated on taking my vibe along, because I wasn’t feeling horny at the idea of his piss. He pointed out that it was up to me, but why not get an orgasm out of it? I relented and grabbed it on the way out the bedroom door.

He had me kneel in the tub. He grabbed the closest breast and started slapping his cock against it. “See, if I slap it hard enough it keeps my cock from getting aroused.” A frequent (male) piss Dom problem is getting aroused by the idea and then being unable to pee thanks to the hard on. (I always hope for a hard on.)

“Get that other tit over here.” He said and I turned towards him. He continued to play with my tits, call me his piss whore and tell me I could come when I felt his piss. I ran the vibe over my clit, not sure if I could get aroused enough to come. But then the whole thing is arousing despite being totally repulsive at the same time. I suppose it’s a part of submission/masochism that is difficult to understand. “I don’t want to do that thing, but I want you to make me, because your making me is hot.”

So he pissed on my tits, and I came. I buried my face in his tummy as best I could. I feel embarrassed to be coming at that point. It always feels like he has the bottomless bladder. When he pees on me, it feels like it goes on for several minutes. Towards the end, I couldn’t come anymore so I turned my head towards the wall in humiliation, because now I was just experiencing him peeing on me without the distraction of an orgasm.

He was in a merry mood after, and went to wash his hands. I couldn’t wait to get the piss soaked vibrator put down and the tub water running to clean myself off. I learned the hard way one time that you need to do more than rinse, you need to use soap and scrub slightly. And you need to remember that your hands have been pissed all over. One time, I rinsed my body well but forgot my hands and had to smell his pee all evening. Yuck. This time, I scrubbed and rinsed carefully.

I think one of the downsides to piss play is that the aftercare happens after a lapse. I’m left alone to rinse off, and getting wet inevitably means I feel a chill after. (Especially when I walk in the bedroom and he has turned up the air conditioning.) I think I’m still processing the experience whereas he’s been distracted by other things while waiting for me. I need a warm blanket and some adoring cuddles after piss play. While he can humiliate me as my Dom, I need reassurance after that he loves me even if I’m his filthy piss slut.

After a little recovery under a sheet to keep warm, he moved on to phase two. I had so hoped he wasn’t serious about phase two.

He gave me the kneepads. He told me to put them on and get the leash. Lately he not only has me wear my collar, but also wrist cuffs during play. I like it, but I find it much easier to be little miss subby when it’s just him around. (Or I can usually deal with him making me crawl into DeeDee to say hello.) The catch of this bit of impending puppy play? DeeDee and her other serious boyfriend were in the living room watching tv. MasterDoc instructed me to crawl into the living room, bounce around like a playful puppy, bark and pant. My brain could NOT get my head around doing something so embarrassing in front of DeeDee’s other boyfriend.

Now, you need to know that her other boyfriend is kinky too, so none of this would make either DeeDee or her boyfriend freak out. I was the only one freaking out. I crawled as far as the curtain that hangs over the entrance of the living room to keep air conditioning in. I could not make myself go any farther. I stayed hidden behind the curtain. I told MasterDoc it would be easier if he went with me, but he wanted me to go alone. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

In doggy fashion, I turned to him and whimpered and whined like any dog would when faced with something they really didn’t want to do. This didn’t produce pity unfortunately. He got the riding crop and smacked my ass until I crawled in. I hung my head down nearly the entire time. I could get through the embarrassment if I didn’t have to look at the people in the living room. He told me to lift my head and pant, and I simultaneously closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see. Ultimately, the embarrassment happened. But MasterDoc said I got a C- for that performance and he was a little annoyed with his misbehaving little bitch. Meanwhile DeeDee and her gentleman said, “Awww.” when the puppy came in. They thought it was cute.

He led me by leash back to the bedroom. I crawled until I was in the room. It’s funny, but I can’t recall the less stressful bits right now. I know I asked for aftercare. He hadn’t thought that scene would need aftercare, but I pointed out that it was a very intense scene for me. I got some cuddles.

End of Part I

Catching Up (But Not with Depeche Mode)

Published on September 18, 2011 in attraction, caning, dating, depression, happy, horny, kink, musings, poly, sex, slut and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

(Bonus music geek points if you get the reference in the title.)

MasterDoc and I had some wonderful scenes before he went away to Dark Odyssey Summer Camp with DeeDee for the weekend. I’m the lazy person who didn’t take notes right after. He caned me, because I was in the midst of premenstrual dysphoric disorder week. It is amazing how much better I feel after a good hard caning! I felt great, until the next morning when the endorphins wore off and my biochemical issues reared their ugly head again. Still, some relief is better than no relief. Truly. I wish I remembered more details, because at the time I thought how awesome the sex was. I don’t mean to brag, I’m just very lucky.

An old flame from a couple of years back has reappeared – Shane. Back in 2009, I enjoyed dating him for a few months. He was kind enough to drive all the way back to my area (after just having driven home from seeing me) when I had such bad stomach pain that I needed to go to the emergency department. That night was when I was finally diagnosed with gallstones and a few weeks after I had surgery to remove my gallbladder. (I’ve been happier and pain-free since.) But despite our not dating for long, he came, met me there and sat with me for a few hours into the wee hours of the morning. He kept me company while I vomited and wished the injection of morphine would take effect. In other words, he showed himself to be a very nice guy. He drove me home when I was released and headed home himself (for the second time!) to get some sleep.

A month or two later, our contact became sporadic, and during one IM conversation he told me he had had a car accident and hurt his back. Yikes. He pretty much disappeared after that. I didn’t feel any ill will, I just figured it was one of those things that petered out on its own. Several weeks ago, I was surprised to get a message from him on facebook. He wanted to reconnect, find out how I’m doing, etc. He didn’t assume we’d just start dating or fucking again. But we made plans to hang out, because as I said, I had liked the guy and felt no ill will when he drifted away. Turns out he was busy dealing with all sort of stressful stuff – his business being chief among them. He didn’t have time for relationships.

So with a lag of 2 years in between, I seem to be seeing him again. We hung out last night. He hadn’t assumed we’d fuck but I sure did. *grin* It was awesome. I still like spending time with him every bit as much as I did before. He should have a bit more free time now since his business is doing well, so he promises not to be a stranger for two years again. He has one of my favorite combinations – a nice, respectful guy who is kinky and dominant. Does a subby (hetero or bi) woman need much else? We’re close in age so we share some pop culture references that MasterDoc doesn’t necessarily have. My age difference with MasterDoc doesn’t have much impact on my love or how much I enjoy being with him. But now and then I want to wax poetic about some 80′s band and he’s not the one to do it with.

It’s funny, because while I’ve gotten lots of messages from guys who seem interesting on the usual dating site I inhabit, I’ve been feeling more introverted, as well as just tired of meeting new people. Shane showed up at a perfect time when spending time with a known quantity is more appealing for me than the stress of getting to know someone from scratch.

I can hear MasterDoc now, saying “Phooey” when he finds that while I’ve blogged it’s mostly about another guy. It’s just that there’s only so many ways I can call him wonderful, sexy, domly, etc. I can only gush about loving him, loving being his submissive (most of the time), and the hot sex so many times.

Delightfully NastyDoc

Published on September 8, 2011 in anal, bdsm, blow jobs, cunt, D/s, dom, edge play, forced orgasm, horny, kink, masochism, nipple clamps, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

After a rough week and a half or so, it was wonderful to have some bdsm play with MasterDoc. It feels like it’s been a while since we’ve done a variety of bdsm play, although that’s not entirely true. Perhaps this was just the right kind of play on the right night for me.

MasterDoc spent some time planning the night’s activities, something that’s not one of his Domly strengths. He looked through my wishing box for ideas (I haven’t looked through it and updated it in a while though). He went off to the bedroom while I played a game on my phone in the living room. I was wearing a new chemise I bought from Frederick’s of Hollywood (I’ve always preferred them to Victoria’s Secret. I have always been able to find stuff that FITS ME at Frederick’s.) When MasterDoc came out, he pulled one of my breasts from the bra top and applied the suction cup to my nipple. The small one fell off, so he used a larger one, and that painfully adhered to my nipple. I had to breathe through the pain, but after a while it did subside enough that I could deal with it, although the pain never completely went away. He put cuffs on my wrists (he’s grown fond of the look recently) and gave me my collar to put on.

He left me there, and a little later came back out to take the suction cup off and put a clothespin on that same nipple. He followed that with a clothespin on the other nipple. He commented on how hot it looked for my breasts to be both out and over the bra cups and have a clothespin clasped on to each nipple. I moved gingerly so I wouldn’t disturb the clothespins. He left them on for longer than usual, but the nipple play got me hot. His next move was to have me kneel on the sofa so he could insert my Njoy butt plug. I had to sit plugged and clipped while MasterDoc watched part of the republican debate. (He’s a Ron Paul fan.) I felt like this was some serious edgeplay, having to watch the republicans bullshit their way through a debate. (Hey, the democrats bullshit too. I’m sick of politicians. But the democrats don’t scare me as much as Michele Bachmann or Rick Perry, for example.) MasterDoc removed the clothespins sometime during this period, but I felt like I still had them attached to me for quite some time afterward. The pain of the blood rushing in upon removal was intense. He had me wiggle every now and then to make sure I felt the plug.

Thankfully, after Ron Paul spoke a bit, we moved into the bedroom. I sucked his cock until it was hard. I loved when he grabbed me by the hair to pull my head up to his. He made me come by slapping my face repeatedly and telling me to come. My jaw still felt a little sore as I took notes for this entry later that evening. This was followed with more cock sucking.

It was time to fuck. He wanted to do it with the butt plug still in me, but I asked to take butt plug out because I thought having something that rigid in my ass as he penetrated my pussy would hurt. As he would say, he’s “such a softie” (yeah, uh huh). He took the time to spank my ass hard as he removed the butt plug. I got on hands and knees and he fucked me silly. Sometimes I rocked forward and back to help along his thrusting. I kept coming over and over – lost mostly in subspace reverie. When I stop breathing enough, my body backs off on the orgasms a little until I’ve gotten some air in. But the continued stimulation pushes me back into orgasm in seconds flat. He interspersed hard spanks with the thrusting of his cock. When he eventually pulled out, he slapped my pussy as I squirted all over my throe. I collapsed exhausted afterward, having come countless times.

I had been in need of him abusing me a bit. I think perhaps with all the stress I’ve been under he hasn’t pushed my limits in a while. It was great to get back to that last night.

Angst and Sex

Published on September 8, 2011 in anxiety, D/s, depression, emotions, forced orgasm, masturbation, sex, sex toys, stress, threesome and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I’ve been officially living with MasterDoc and DeeDee for over a week now. The stress of moving, compounded by a sinus infection and then my car being broken into and stolen from, has left me feeling depressed and almost killed my libido. This depression seems to be lingering longer than I’d like. The kicker I suppose is that I was feeling better Friday morning as I left for work… only to find the passenger side window on my car shattered and my stuff rifled through. Argh! I think I felt a little like Charlie Brown with Lucy and the football. I kept thinking, “Ok, today will be better!” only to have the “football” swiped out from under me, again.

I’ve been yearning for attention and cuddles from MasterDoc much more than sex and orgasms. We have fooled around a few times. We did some assisted masturbation where I used the Hitachi on myself and he added to the experience with grabbing my hair and such. Rowr. I came remarkably hard, but I wasn’t feeling particularly horny the rest of the time. On Saturday, MasterDoc wasn’t feeling himself (he had a rough week as well) so I did my best to be helpful to him. DeeDee and I attended to him. I sucked his cock, she did some spot worship (caressing the lovely spot of hair right in the middle of his chest). DeeDee, ever creative, went off to get something – when she came back she put some garlic powder in her palm, licked it, and spritzed MasterDoc’s cock with the new olive oil spritzer. Then she went down on him. It wasn’t erotic so much as amusing, but I give her a lot of credit for creativity.

MasterDoc had to wash after, since oil will deteriorate condoms. (You all know that right? Don’t use anything oil-based with latex.) When he came back, he decided to fuck me while DeeDee bathed. I had so turned off my desire that it was hard to shift gears and receive pleasure. The orgasms had to be pulled out of me. We expected DeeDee to come back in, but she wasn’t sure if she should.

Monday I was feeling particularly depressed and kinda moped around the place all day. I had angst over feeling needy but also being too scared to talk about it lest I be perceived as annoyingly clingy. This week I need lots of petting, reassurance and attention. I did speak up just a little, and thankfully later on MasterDoc suggested getting “freaky” as he calls it. I felt delicate mentally and he somehow found his missing mojo and provided me with the perfect combination of attention, domination, comfort, and orgasms.

He’s had his own angst because at least half of the last testosterone implants he got worked their way out of his body. He’s low on testosterone until insurance will pay for the next implants. This doesn’t stop him from being a horny dog, but his cock isn’t always as cooperative as he’d like. And like any guy, if his dick isn’t working he can feel hesitant to start fooling around. This has been the perfect week for me to remind him that while I love penis-in-vagina sex with him, he can make me feel good in so many other ways. That’s not as trite as it sounds. They say the brain is the largest sexual organ, and I tend to agree. While I need orgasms, I have needed attention and cuddles far more this week.

However, his cock decided to cooperate. Huzzah! That’s good for the old self-esteem (his and mine). He fucked me from on top, and pushed me into orgasm before he gave me the command to come. When he did give the command, I started coming harder.

Yes, I realize that with a life like this you’re probably wondering how the hell I could ever be depressed. As I pointed out to MasterDoc, my depressions seldom correlate with the quality of my life. This is why I consider it to be an illness and mostly chemical. Granted, poor behavior modeling on the part of my mother, and being a shy and intellectually precocious kid, only compounded my difficulties. These bits I can, and have, worked on and improved vastly. But the chemical bit is harder to treat. I’m medicated, but perhaps I’ve been on the same medication for too long? Or are there just going to be times where the delicate balance in my brain goes too far for the medication to handle. I don’t know.

The love and orgasms and attention from MasterDoc helped me tremendously. I am thankful for all the does for me.

His

Published on August 24, 2011 in bdsm, blow jobs, D/s, edge play, forced orgasm, kink, masochism, needle play, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex toys, submissive and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I’ve been quiet on the blogging front because I’m preparing to move out of my little studio apartment into MasterDoc’s apartment. I haven’t been working on that every minute, but often when I have free time I just want to kick back and play The Sims Medieval to relax and escape.

There have also been times of fantastic sex. But when I have time to write up a blog entry, well, The Sims call to me.

Last night we had sex, and his grabbing my hair and asking, “Now what am I going to do with you, young lady?” made me shudder in anticipation. He can get my entire body involuntarily twitching from just simple touches. I tried to relax my muscles, but the convulsing still went on whether I wanted it to or not. It’s like my whole body becomes a stand-in for my vagina. He had already gotten me to put my collar on, and as something different, he put wrist cuffs on me as well. He said he likes the rattling sound when I move and the metal on the cuffs makes noise.

The other night, the phrase that got me was, “I’m excited you’re moving in. Now I can have this pussy whenever I want it.” It’s funny how, despite an independent streak, I really love the idea of him owning me. I don’t want to be treated like a possession all the time, but when we’re in bed knowing that he can do whatever he chooses to me is exciting. While I’m a strong feminist with a successful career, it gets me hot to feel like he has such control over me.

Last night he brought out the needles. Thankfully he used them on my butt and not my inner thighs like he’s threatened. But the pain was still difficult to bear as each needle was inserted. I whimpered like crazy. He had me blindfolded but I could tell when he might be preparing to put in another needle when he grabbed a bit of flesh. I think he put in three needles, and while it hurt it would only really hurt for the duration of the needles being inserted. After, I’d breathe deeply trying to slow my breath and relax my body.

He brought out the Hitachi magic wand and pressed it to my cunt. “If you don’t want any more needles, you’ll come when I count to three.” Jeez, I was going to make sure I came! The needle play was intense. He counted slowly, “One…Two…Two and a half…Two and three quarters…” Argh! Evil man. I did manage to come when he finally, finally, said three.

After a period of time, he took the wand away and told me I could either play with myself or fall forward if I wanted to. (I was on my hands and knees.) I chose the latter. We cuddled for a bit and I played with his chest hair.

As I often do, I’ve neglected to mention that we started off with me sucking his cock, and then using my skilled hands on his inner thighs to make him feel good. I really enjoy making him feel good. Touching him feels good to me too.

As we cuddled, he said he wasn’t sure if he should just come and call it a night or if he should fuck me. I politely indicated that I really would like his cock inside of me. I think it had been a week. We fooled around on Sunday night, but there was no PIV (penis-in-vagina). He said that fine, he’d give me some sex. I continued to stroke his chest hair, and then on a whim I leaned in and started kissing and licking his chest. This had a great effect.

He fucked me from on top, and try as I might not to come without permission, he forced an orgasm out of me. Then he proceeded to keep me coming for an extended period of time. I’d start thinking that maybe I’d need to ask him to stop as my body was tired, but then he’d send me into the throes of orgasm again and I’d forget all about any fatigue. I was really amazed at how long he went on fucking me, and how I was unable to stop the orgasms from coming. I was exhausted by the end, but of course very, very happy.

Just “regular” sex at home

Published on August 17, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, cunt, D/s, edge play, forced orgasm, happy, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, needle play, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex toys, spanking, submissive, trust and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

“Who wants to have sex?”

This sudden question from MasterDoc caused me and DeeDee to look up at him with surprise. He hadn’t indicated the slightest interest in sex earlier in the evening. When I recovered my wits from the surprise, I meekly raised my hand. DeeDee was watching a show and was interested in finishing it. I hadn’t had sex with him since Tuesday, and this was Sunday, so I was already feeling like I needed a little MasterDoc-iliciousness. The sex with the new guy on Friday was satisfying, but the connection I have with MasterDoc is unique and I like to experience it regularly.

MasterDoc started the evening talking about piercing me – on my inner thighs. Eek. I was really scared because I imagine this to be even more sensitive in a way than the outer labia was that one time he pierced it. I was working the Siri on my clit as it was getting late, and I needed to get to bed, so I had to have a part in getting myself warmed up. I had a hard time getting aroused because the needles scared me. Me, the person who pushed for needle play in the first place. Somehow lately that kind of pain strikes me as too much to bear. Other submissives and masochists out there will probably know what I mean by “kind of pain.” Different implements cause different sensations. A needle is different than a cane strike which is different than hot wax.

The talk of piercing was merely a mind-fuck (for the time being). He put me on hands and knees and fucked me, which, he said, would ensure I’d stop complaining that I hadn’t had his cock since Tuesday. The scene climaxed with me coming over and over again, as per usual. I wish everyone could describe their incredible, mind-scrambling orgasms in such a blase way.

Two nights later, DeeDee had plans, so it was just MasterDoc and me at home. I lay on the bed, face up, relaxing while waiting for him to decide what we’re going to do. He gets the medium cane (The only one he could find. Thankfully the only one he could find wasn’t the thickest one.) and starts caning my thighs. I “ooh!” and “ouch!” He orders me to spread my legs. He starts working on caning my inner thighs. Red cane stripes appear – but only on one thigh. He decides he must make the other one match. Interestingly enough, the second thigh is the one that bruised slightly the next day.

He has me roll over eventually, laying flat on my tummy. He canes my butt and I work to slow my breathing when it hurts a lot. I was in the mind space where I worried I couldn’t handle the pain, but then ultimately it turned me on. It’s not just the physical pain causing a biological reaction, but also the idea that I’m his. He can use me like this if he chooses. I have handed myself over to him in such a way that I trust him even to make me hurt. If he gets pleasure from it, I do too.

It’s interesting to have a dynamic with someone where you both love each other very much, and endeavor to take care of each other in your own ways, but that same person who loves you can make you hurt and leave bruises. I can see how a non-kinkster might have trouble understanding that. But when we’re in a scene, he takes me on a journey. I always come back safe from that journey, inevitably wiped out from lots of yummy orgasms after the pain. Four years with him, and I still find sex with him to be ultra-exciting.

Satisfied with beating me, he tells me to get over there and suck his cock. Pleasuring his cock with my mouth was delectable.I use various techniques he’s taught me over time. Most recently he’s asked for more suction, whereas before he didn’t want it because the head of his cock is so sensitive. He still doesn’t want the head sucked on hard, but I work my lips along the shaft, squeezing. I lick. I slap the head against my outstretched tongue. I work the base with my hand while orally taking care of the rest.

He gets a condom and puts it on, taking time to slap my cunt a little. He flicks my clit with his fingers. (I hate when he does that. I hate when he does it to my nipples too.) He works some lube into my pussy. He slowly slides the head of his cock inside of me. His cock is thick, so when I’m not especially warmed up I appreciate it when he goes slow. Just that bit of cock feels great, however, and soon he’s sliding the full length into me. As he does this, he props himself up on one hand and uses the other to slap my face. Oh yes. That was hot. Cock sliding in simultaneously as face getting struck.

He fucks me silly, I feel on the verge of orgasm, sure that I won’t be able to hold back until he gives permission. I whimper and moan, a clear sign that I’m dying for orgasm. I do manage to hold out until he tells me to come. When I come, he slaps my face some more, making me come harder, and pounds my pussy intermittently to really make me scream. I find myself orgasming for what feels like an insanely long time. I thought to myself that surely, I’d run out of steam and not keep coming after a while, but this took a very long time to occur.

Aftercare consisted of pillow talk and my massaging “the spot” on his chest. I think I cracked some silly jokes and we laughed a little. He touched me a bit and stopped when he worried that he was turning me on. But post-orgasm lately, I can get aroused and immerse myself in the feel of his touch without needing to go on to orgasm. It’s extremely pleasurable being touched by him. No one else feels like him. No one else knows my body as well as he does.

Am I a Cougar in Training?

Published on August 14, 2011 in anal, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, cunt, D/s, dating, horny, masturbation, non-monogamy, prostate massage, sex, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I met someone new on Friday. We enjoyed lunch and then went back to my place. He’s someone who doesn’t have time for a relationship, but of course would like some sex and companionship now and then. This is ideal for me as I’m not looking for another serious relationship. Lunch with him was pleasant, and we know a few people in common. He gave me a ride on his scooter back to my place, and it was the first time I ever rode a scooter (haven’t been on a motorcycle yet). In my usual ladylike manner (har) I threw my leg over the back of the scooter despite wearing a dress. Thankfully I had worn a stretchy casual dress.

I clenched my thighs around his hips as we got started. He took things slow since it was my first time. It was fun and yes, I did wear a helmet. At the stop light, he reached down to caress my bare leg. Rowr. Some small part of me was still thinking, “Am I going to fuck him today or just make out or something?” But my subconscious knew I’d go all the way.

This guy is 10 years younger than me, and I’ve been questioning if this makes me a cougar. I think not since he wrote to me and I’m not exactly out trying to find younger men. He seemed to know what he was doing sexually, unlike too many men in their 20s. We got to my apartment, kissed and he suggested we get more comfortable. When I caught a glimpse of him in just his boxers, with a hard-on raging, I was delighted to see it was a substantial size. I don’t consider myself a size queen, but a little larger than average is always a bonus.

Since I didn’t think to put the air conditioning on until part-way through, it was hot, sweaty sex. I usually hate sweating for any reason, but it was sexy how our bodies slipped easily against each other. He had difficulty in that he’s similarly endowed as MasterDoc, and I mainly had the NYC condoms on hand – they run a bit small. (What’s up with that, NYC??) He didn’t try to get out of wearing them, he just pointed out that coming was going to be difficult with the condom so tight. I said that I’m sure we could figure out a way to make him come. I sucked his cock deep which he loved but it didn’t lead to orgasm.

While fucking younger men makes me worry they’ll be clueless sexually, this guy paired youthful energy with some expertise. As he pounded me into the bed he made me come over and over. I had to speak up a few times as my cervix can get cranky being pummeled like that. He could flip me over without ever taking his cock out. I ended up on top where I could control the depth more. I squirted a bit and he loved to hear that I did. It turns him on a great deal. That early on, however, it was difficult to tell the little bit of girl come from the copious amounts of sweat.

We went on playing without much of a break for much longer than most sexual encounters I have. (He accosted me in the kitchen as I tried to get a drink of water. Ha ha.) Again, I said a silent word of thanks to the weight loss and exercise. In the past I would have had to cry uncle. He asked if I like anal, and I said yes. I lubed my ass up and yet again this slut had anal on a first date.

Yeah well, you know my philosophy – if it feels good and I want to do it, why should I not? This is an area in which being an atheist is so liberating. I don’t have some fictional god telling me sex is wrong, or clergymen claiming to know how we should all live our lives. If it’s consensual and both parties want it? I can’t see why not to do it. The fucking went on a long time and I came countless times. I was glad that he knew he could go pussy to ass with the same condom, but needed a new condom to go back to the pussy. Sexual knowledge is sexy.

After much rolling around and rubbing body parts against each other (including more girl come as lubricant), I mentioned that I know how to do prostate massage. He was up for it and I lubed up his ass and slowly worked a finger in. Eventually, I took the time to work a second finger in. He writhed around and said it was too intense at times. He said it was the best prostate massage he’s ever had – the others didn’t know what they were doing. (I told him to thank MasterDoc.)

While the massage felt good, the intensity made him need a break, and he ended up jerking off while hovering over and intently examining my pussy. He complimented me on it, and while the skeptic in me thinks, “He must say that to all the girls!” it was still nice to hear. I didn’t hesitate to compliment his cock that day too. He came on my tummy and I felt glad that both of us had come. We each showered off the sweat and come we were pretty much covered in. He took his time getting dressed and soon after we said goodbye. I then proceeded to work on packing up my apartment for my upcoming move.

I was exhausted that night. I had worked out hard in the morning, and then there was that pleasurable second workout in the afternoon. I tried to cuddle with MasterDoc a bit, as I wanted to reconnect with him after having had recreational sex with someone else. On Saturday night, I hoped that he and I would get it on (we haven’t since Tuesday) but he was feeling like having time alone. I felt emotionally needy and luckily managed to strike a balance between asking for and getting attention, and giving him space to be by himself. We cuddled, and MasterDoc picked up on the fact that a beating would do me good. He whacked away at my ass with various implements. Sometimes I think there’s no way I can handle the pain, but then as soon as the beating stops the pain lowers to a manageable level. He made me come with the Hitachi magic wand and after I felt so much better. I had really needed the beating for the endorphin release, and the orgasm to round out the relaxation. I was able to go amuse myself after that and give MasterDoc more time alone. (My current addiction is figuring out how Sims Medieval is played.)

And They Lived Happily Ever After

Published on August 12, 2011 in DeeDee, happy, non-monogamy, poly, threesome and Uncategorized. 4 Comments

After such a heavy post, it’s good that I’m filled to the brim with excitement about officially moving in with MasterDoc and DeeDee. We’ve become an intentional family – working together so we can all be well, secure, and live in a nice apartment. And this family is far more functional than the one I grew up in. I think all adults should be allowed to form a chosen family.

I’ve spent significant amounts of time at MasterDoc’s since I met him 4 years ago. DeeDee moved in a little over a year ago when she lost her job and wanted to look for work in New York. It was meant to be temporary. Despite being highly educated (MBA!) and capable, a suitable job offer hasn’t come her way. But this works out because she takes up a bit more housework, whereas I do less housework, but contribute more financially since I’m working. Each of us contributes in the ways we currently can. I hate cooking, she doesn’t mind, so she cooks and I clean up after dinner.

It’s a shame that this is considered highly unusual. I don’t feel I can tell my co-workers, for example, about my very happy home life. I have to pretend I’m simply moving in with my boyfriend. And as far as they know I’ve only dated him several months – Davey was my “official” boyfriend for a long time and I’m not out as poly at work – so after my breakup with him last year I waited several months before mentioning someone “new”.

I’ve told both my parents about poly. My dad seems totally weirded out. We’ll see how it goes when I tell him that MasterDoc’s “other girlfriend” lives with us. Hopefully, when he sees how happy I am and what a lovely place I live in, he will manage to deal with the strangeness of the situation. My dad is old-fashioned in many ways, but he wants to see me happy and stable. He helped me weather my teenage depression more than my mom. (She usually contributed to it.) He respects my agency as an adult and loves me. My Mom? She doesn’t quite “get” poly but she’s supportive of my choices.

DeeDee says that people’s top question when they hear about our situation is – where do you all sleep? MasterDoc’s apartment has three bedrooms, and each of us has our own. DeeDee and I trade off sleeping with MasterDoc, and sometimes he just wants to sleep alone. Luckily, I like sleeping alone so it’s not a hardship when I do so. And if one of us is having a rough time and want to sleep with him this is arranged – and always without drama. When both of them are away, I usually sleep in MasterDoc’s bed as I find it comforting.

My room is in disarray as MasterDoc cleans out his things (except the fax, modem, wireless router, etc. all that will stay there) and I gradually move my things over. We’re in the process of combining the household items I have and what they have. I have to get my stuff out of my current apartment by the end of the month. It’s a little nerve-wracking not to be more packed. I look forward to setting up my room as “my” space. Having your own space is important. I’ve never been someone who wants to spend every waking moment with my partner. (It often seems like I do to MasterDoc, probably because he’s extremely poly in nature and likes to spend a lot of time with a variety of people. I tend to gravitate towards smaller groups and a bit less variety.)

I love DeeDee like a best friend and I’m thrilled to have her to talk to on a regular basis. I feel incredibly fortunate to have found this situation (or it found me) – and frustrated that I can’t shout about it from the rooftops. While I’m not officially moved in, I have spent most of the past few months here. I only stop in to my apartment to check mail or pick up things I need. Most of my wardrobe is in the closet here already. DeeDee made sure I had my own dresser to store things in many months ago.

When MasterDoc and I were fooling around earlier this week, he gushed a little about us three living happily ever after. It’s adorable when Doms gush. But the fact is, we’re all really happy to be forming a little family. I hope we DO live happily ever after.