The first time I was willing to think that maybe he mis-dialed. But when I woke up this morning and found another text message from the 23-year-old I figured he must be trying to get in touch with me. Apparently he sent it at 1:34 am and it asked, “Are you awake?” Of course I was not awake at that hour and I’m glad I leave my cell phone in the living room because I would have been really annoyed if he woke me up.
So last night was a disappointment, and yet again N is a disappointment. I got pissed off at him today because yet again he left me hanging with plans. And when I raise the issue he seems to think I’m pissed off because I’m just so smitten with him that I can’t stand not spending time with him, which might have been true at one point but he’s jerked me around enough now that it’s not true anymore. And this weekend I didn’t even initiate plans. I decided to back off and not ask for time with him, and he’s the one who suggested that maybe we could get together on Sunday. Turns out he makes tentative plans for me more out of some sense of guilt. I’m not a friggin charity case! Let me just make plans with someone else instead of stringing me along!
So last night. Yeah well, I’m now thinking that perhaps it’s best to go for men with more experience. The idea of shagging a hot young stud was better in theory than in practice. Largely because we didn’t shag. He was clearly nervous and feeling awkward when I got there, and we ended up hanging out watching tv for a while. I made a few comments such as “We’re not here to watch tv.” to try to give him an opening to get things started but it took a while. We eventually ended up fooling around (in complete darkness, personally I like to see what I’m doing during sex) and it wasn’t bad but it did remind me of being younger and fooling around with 23-year-old guys back then. I played with his penis and he said, “I feel like I could come already.” And a few seconds later, he did. Doh. Ok so he had told me he was worried about coming too fast and he hadn’t had sex in a year. And being with an older woman was a fantasy of his. Ok, this happens. He apologizes and I tell him it’s okay and kiss him on the forehead. He says he needs to go out to his car and I worry that he’s going to ditch me.
Luckily he comes back (turns out he had a cigarette) and gets back into bed with me. The tv is back on at this point and I’m naked under the sheet while he’s dressed again. After a few moments I declare, “I’m horny.” and we start fooling around again. This time I actually manage to have one orgasm from his fingering me. I then get a condom and start giving him a blow job (with condom). Now he had complained when he heard of my rule of no unprotected oral but the fact is, it couldn’t have been that bad considering he came pretty quickly again. Not as fast as the first time, but still pretty fast. So he heads off to the bathroom to clean up and when he comes back he starts asking me if I think my boyfriend’s plans for the evening are done. Um, I dunno. Then he says that he thinks maybe he’d like to save the rest for another time and go home instead. Right. My jaw drops open. He says that it’s nothing personal, we can hang out another time, blah blah blah. So I bitterly get my clothes on and use the bathroom and leave. What an unsatisfying evening. If I actually ever hear from him again (doubt it), here’s what I’d like to say (but would say in a much nicer way if I were to say it to him):
Let me give you some advice when it comes to women. For one, even if your penis isn’t cooperating and acting like you’d like like it to, you still need to get a woman off once you’ve gotten her worked up. Asking her to go home after you’d shot off twice and barely given her satisfaction is a sure fire way to make sure she doesn’t want to see you again. While your fantasy is that it’s hot to be able to get an older woman, the real feat is having her want to come back for more. The penis doesn’t always behave like you would want it to – but then you have ten fingers and a tongue to get done what your penis isn’t willing to do.
Another thing, lube up your finger before sticking it in a girl’s anus! If you have some waterbased lube nearby that’s great, but really saliva will do in a pinch.
So my anticipated night of hot sex with a young stud turned into two quick spurts and one so-so orgasm. What a disappointment. Right about now I’m feeling that men are largely a disappointment. (Except Davey. I’m cool with him.)
This week went by pretty uneventfully. All plans that I made fell through. No sex was had (until Davey was home again at a normal time last night). I forgot to mention in the sadness of my last entry that I did have hot sex with N after our talk. I squirted so much it deflected off his body and hit me in the face. lol That was a first.
Tonight I have plans to finally meet this 23-year-old guy I’ve been talking to online for a while. He messaged me on a dating site because he has a fantasy of being with an older woman. Now, I find it kinda funny to be considered “the older woman” as I’m just 34 and still consider myself young, but yeah I am older than him, by 11 years. And it’s kinda amusing too because he’s around the age of N’s children. So I’ll be fucking a man who’s old enough to not only be my father, but is father to children the age of the younger guy I’m fucking. Erm, yeah that made more sense in my head than on paper. But you get the drift – I get a kick out of the wide age spread. There’s things in life that aren’t full blown fantasies for me but I get a kick out of doing just because I can. For instance, when I fucked five guys in one night, not a fantasy I’d had, but I thought it would be interesting just to see how many men I could have in one night. I thought it was cool rather than sexually stimulating (oh yes the sex was stimulating, but the notion wasn’t a fantasy of mine). Tonight is another of those times, I like the idea of being able to bed a young stud more than I actually have the drive to make it happen. I wouldn’t go out of my way for it, but since he messaged me and seems pretty nice it’s going to happen. Why not? I don’t have any hang ups about what “should” or “shouldn’t” be done concerning sex. If I want to do it and the other consenting adult with me wants to – why the fuck not?
Last night I spoke on the phone with a new poly friend and we got to talking about porn sites and blogs and such and I mentioned my old stomping ground, The Kinky Librarian. And he knew it. He used to read it! I felt like a minor celebrity. Here’s this guy who knew about me and my exploits before I even had the chance to meet him. So I decided that since I had already opened up that KL was me that I’d tell him where this blog is. (Hi, D!) I keep quiet about the blog often because I talk quite openly about my sexual exploits so I avoid mentioning it until I feel sure the person won’t be a judgmental prat. But D seems like a good sort who will at the very least not judge me.
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