Archive for the 'sub drop' Category

Untitled Night Out

Published on August 7, 2011 in bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, couple, D/s, dom, embarrassment, exhibitionism, humiliation play, masturbation, non-monogamy, sex, sex parties, sex toys, show, slut, sub drop, swinging and Uncategorized. 3 Comments

Friday night was a particularly fun night out at the swing club. When we arrived and saw our friend who is always there on single guy nights (Veronica) she was flirty with me and MasterDoc asked, “I thought you weren’t into girls.” She said, “I’m not but I’m trying.” while looking at me. Rawr. I’d do her. Definitely. She loved my new hair cut.

A little later, MasterDoc and I were giving a show in the large room. MasterDoc really got into the powerful Dom & a submissive piece of meat mode. It was hot, but somehow lately I feel embarrassment about being slutty. It’s totally weird. Ultimately, I don’t have a problem with being made to come in front of a bunch of strangers, but I feel kinda embarrassed lately. It’s a little in a hot, humiliation-play type way, and a little in a “Oh my god I have to close my eyes and tune the audience out” way.

MasterDoc made me come. He gave a flashlight to one of the guys and so my pussy was on full display in the spotlight. I’d shut my eyes and let myself feel his hands on me, and THAT feels amazing so I just go with it. Soon, I’m coming and for me the only people there are me and him. As the orgasm subsides I crack open my eyes now and then, usually to shut them quickly.

MasterDoc made me give show with my vibe. Despite a little embarrassment I just went at it and made myself come – again with my eyes closed. I usually get myself off with some sort of clitoral vibe. I guess having my eyes closed it isn’t THAT weird for me. I usually close my eyes when we’ve a big audience.

Next he fucked me, but we knew we only had a few minutes left because the owner needed the room for something. Again, I was screaming in orgasm. This deep grunt comes out from my lower throat when I’m really in the throes. MasterDoc told me to come, but I had already started. I asked him later if he realized that, and he hadn’t. I thought the sounds I made were very different than when I’m just really turned on and wanting to come. I couldn’t hold back. Orgasm control has become a bit less important in our relationship lately. (He’s told me that if I get to the point where I just can’t help coming that it’s hot and acceptable.) I think it’s because my pussy doesn’t push his cock out like it used to. It does sometimes, but not nearly as often. (Score!)

We went to cuddle in another room. I mentioned a guy who had plopped himself down near us being cute – we had met him before and both times MD was like, “Him?” He looked a bit scruffy, but it seemed to me it’s in that “I’m a sensitive artist type guy” sort of way. Don’t know if he actually is, but that’s the look. he massaged my feet. MasterDoc leaned in and told me to play with the guy’s cock with my foot. So I started doing it through his pants. Soon, MasterDoc had granted the guy permission to rub his bare cock on my feet. I did my best to stroke his cock with both feet hanging over the edge of the bed. I’m kinda squicked by feet so it’s not hot for me, but then it wasn’t a problem for me either.

When MasterDoc went to bathroom the guy kept hitting on me, coming over and licking my toes even. When MasterDoc came back he let the guy go down on me. This guy was pretty lousy at it! I got MasterDoc to rescue me. I think perhaps that happened last time we met him there too. I hope if I see him again I remember he’s terrible at licking pussy!

MasterDoc and I cuddled for a while. I was definitely experiencing a cuddle deficiency. He was away the night before (the slut!) and we didn’t cuddle much the night before that because we had been doing a lot of cuddling and fucking over the past week. I was feeling pretty sated. (He rubbed one out not once but twice that night. As I like to tease him sometimes, “That’s pretty impressive Old Man.” The old man bit is just teasing. While he’s considerably older than me, he’s not a senior citizen (except at IHOP). But I must admit I wouldn’t expect a guy in his 50s to fuck like he does. I’m a very, very lucky woman.

We were hanging out a bit later and I heard some guy make a comment about, “She’s just some whore who hangs around here.” Hearing the “whore” comment, I figured it was about Veronica. This pissed me off. I thought, “She’s my friend, asshole. And quite frankly I don’t care if she’s earning money here. (I’ve never confirmed this, but yeah, I guess I’d be naive if I didn’t realize it.)” Anyway, she’s a sex worker, not inhuman. She’s my friend – we don’t hang out otherwise as of yet, but we’ve known her a while now from the club. So the tone of that guy’s voice irked me to no end. I’m sure he’d be all to glad to have that “whore” touch him.

Since I was happyily post-orgasmic, I sent MasterDoc off to chase women. I was content to relax and watch porn in the lounge area. I realized why women might seem like ice queen bitches at a swing club – you’re petrified to show even a polite interest because with many guys they’ll take it as actual interest. I have no trouble telling a guy, “No you can’t touch me.” but still it can be annoying. So I do my best to watch the porn and act like the single guys aren’t there.

MasterDoc was busy adding another notch in his belt of porn actresses fucked. (Alas she was a lousy lay!) Meanwhile I got hit on by cute couple. I was surprised in a way, always devaluing myself as usual. She has her hair really short like I do, and it looks great on her too. Her guy was cute and flirty but not in an oppressive way at all. Apparently they’re poly too. And she’s certainly bi. She went to use bathroom and he asked if he could make out with me. Actually, he ‘asked’ her if she’d mind if he made out with me while she was gone. She seemed a little perplexed and he clarified, “I wasn’t actually asking you I was just trying to hit on her.” (me) Rawr. We made out while she was in the restroom. She came back and sat behind him because she was feeling weirded out by the tons of single guys hovering. I don’t blame her for feeling that way. It was packed – mostly guys. We exchanged numbers and they’re certainly interested in seeing me again (and I them! Well, he wants to see me again at least.) I told them this blog address so I could even be found here.

MasterDoc came back after a long time. The couple had apparently met him once before. I’m not sure if the, “Oh you didn’t tell us your boyfriend is Doc!’ was just a surprised reaction or they were not as interested in him as me. This is a problem I’ve noticed since being in an age differential relationship. MasterDoc is an awesome guy and and awesome fuck but he is in his 50s and most of his attractiveness comes from his confidence, warm personality, and large cock. And his intelligence and his sense of humor and, well, his large cock that fucks me so well. A foursome with us and that couple would be so hot. I don’t get the sense it will happen, but a girl can fantasize.

Intensity

Published on July 18, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, caning, D/s, dom, forced orgasm, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, restraints, sadism, sex, shio, spanking, squirting, sub drop, submissive and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I feel bad that I haven’t covered the hot sex I have with MasterDoc as often lately on this blog. It’s noteworthy sex, but I’m feeling so lazy about blogging (or just plain busy) that I often don’t get to it. I have notes to work from about a hot encounter last week, and I’m sure memories of more recent scenes will pop in. This post may be a conglomeration of various times rather than a straight narrative.

From early last week, I remember the endless twitching of my body as he touched me. I’m so sensitive to his touch that my body reacts even if my mind hasn’t caught up yet. The twitches have become involuntary muscle movements. He sucked on a nipple as I diddled myself to orgasm. (Remembering this makes me want to go diddle myself now.)

He fucked me next, taking a moment to slap my pussy with his cock. My sensitive clit loved this. He fucked me til I came, which doesn’t take long. I was in another world and even ceased to be aware of the fact that I was being fucked while on my back – I was so disoriented with orgasm. He kept hard and kept fucking me while I came. When my pussy pushed his cock out, he slapped my pussy with it again. This caused me to squirt and could feel a splash as he slapped his cock against my pussy right before fucking me again. Getting a rain shower of one’s own come is certainly something different.

I was already worn out from exercise and now the orgasms. Orgasming like that is a very intense experience. I lost touch with all around me, and all I knew is that I came. That, and I was exhausted. Next he had me on all fours playing with myself with vibe while he caned me, hitting pretty hard. I had put the canes out myself, so I was delighted that he used them. I thought how hot it was to take pain for him. I can’t always manage to eroticize pain, but it’s awesome when I do. Taking pain became a deeply submissive act for me. I came as he alternated caning, hand slaps, and playing with my pussy.

He spanked, paddled and caned me again yesterday. MasterDoc pushed my limits and I even felt some fear – as he’d touch me gently, I’d remain tense worried that he’d hit me again. And often he did. Somehow I enjoy that fear in small amounts. He hasn’t instilled as much fear in me lately and to be honest I missed it. (Note that this is fear with someone I trust and know won’t ultimately damage me.) The scene was fantastically intense, and he hovered over my body as he made me come, and put some pressure on my throat. I have anxieties about being unable to breathe, so my brain read things as even more intense than they were. (I truly panicked that he would make me pass out, something which, while I trust him to be careful and take care of me, makes me downright phobic. He wasn’t holding my throat in such a way as to make that possible. But a part of me wants to let him go that far, like it would be a good experience to finally truly let go of control like that.) The spanking yesterday left my ass sore for a while. I wasn’t sure I could handle the pain he was dishing out, but as always I was just fine after the pain stopped. (Something I’ve been learning while doing bdsm, pain can be difficult to stand acutely, but I will return to normal as soon as it stops, and I can stand what he dishes out even if I think I can’t at the time. The fact that I always bounce back makes me feel strong, rather than weak.)

I needed a lot of aftercare after such an intense scene, but I had really needed him to be stern and Dominant with me. I felt thankful to him for giving me exactly what I needed. Cuddles helped my heightened awareness come back down to normal. The fear during the scene is one thing, it continuing after would be a problem.

Back to the other day. In the latest of his trying out unusual ways to make me orgasm, he commented that it would be interesting to make me come from pulling on my pinky finger. I said pretty much anything would work with him. I was beyond exhausted at this point. But as he ran his fingers slowly down my arm, I focused on the sensation and felt my arousal climb as his hand descended. As he massaged my pinky I came. It was diabolical how he could make me come again, quite hard, despite exhaustion, and without touching any body part traditionally considered an erogenous zone. Yesterday he did the same thing, making me come when I thought we were all over and I didn’t have the energy in me to keep going.

I hope you’re all lucky enough to have a partner who makes you come til you can’t come anymore.

Over the past week there was also some light bondage (wrists, blindfold, duct tape across mouth) as he made me come, and also I helped him come a gallon.

Sub Drop

Published on January 11, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, D/s, orgasm denial, sex, stress, sub drop, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I had another magical evening with MasterDoc on Sunday. He fucked me from on top, and kept me desperate for orgasm for what seemed like forever. I just kept moaning, or maybe it was more like whining. I tried to communicate my desperation through sounds since I know I’m not allowed to ask for orgasm while his cock is inside me. After much teasing, he let me come. I am so damn lucky. I was in such a happy place. I felt really into sub mode last night and wanted nothing more than for him to tell me what to do.

Monday, I woke up a bit cranky. I know that MasterDoc has things he needs to do the next two weekends, so I won’t see him for days at a time. This would normally tend to make me a bit sad, but I usually focus on stuff I can get done when he’s not around and I’ve put out emails to friends (including Blondie) about hanging out.

Despite trying my usual, I felt sad. Over and over. All day. I couldn’t think of a totally legitimate reason to be unhappy but there I was. I was blaming it on hormones since I’m on the inert pills of my pill pack just now. I haven’t had a period in a while (I love these pills, let me tell you!) but I would have it around now if my body had anything to shed. But someone I know only through twitter seems to have hit the nail on the head when he told me that I was experiencing sub drop.

Indeed.

I can’t recall really experiencing it before. I’m sure I had a few times I was a bit down after having some really good or intense play, but never as all-encompassing like this. I felt like shit all day for no apparent reason – other than sub drop. I’ve started reading up about it online for tips on how to deal. Some people make themselves a special “aftercare kit.” The guy on twitter who pointed out my predicament said he leaves an undershirt he’s worn recently with his babygirl because the scent helps her. I’ve read elsewhere that some aftercare kits include a reassuring letter from the Dom. I could use one of those.

DeeDee is back in town and unwell, so of course she needs MasterDoc’s attention. But I should be able to see him tomorrow night, even if just to hang out. I could use some cuddles right about now.

In addition to sadness, I had a really hard time focusing at work. I popped a klonopin in the afternoon to help mitigate the anxiety at least. I didn’t want to bite anyone’s head off while working the reference desk. Work has been a source of stress for a while now, so I’m sure it didn’t help the whole sub drop thing. A long week of work ahead of me, and then a three-day weekend without MasterDoc surely adds to my feelings of being unmoored.