Archive for the 'show' Category

The Good and The Sad

Published on October 24, 2011 in anxiety, crazy, D/s, depression, emotions, exhibitionism, mental illness, musings, show, submissive and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

I’m even more behind in blogging than usual. Over a week ago, MasterDoc and I did a show for the first time in a long time. It was a guy we had had over before, and like before I finished the scene with giving our guest a prostate massage until he came all over my tits. I have a few drafts, barely started, of posts about sexual things.

I’ve had some fantastic sex with MasterDoc. I also had Shane over last week (rowr); we hung out and again had awesome sex. I rode him, and when he’d reach his fingers to rub my clit I would grab my ankles and lean back a little. I think that’s when I came the hardest.

But the terrible part is, despite great sex, despite orgasms that blew my mind, I was mired in a severe depression for a few days.

This sucker was the type to blow all my usual depressions out of the water. When I was a teen, I was hospitalized for three months with depression. This felt like that sort of depression.

I thought I was all over this deep of an illness. I had matured, gotten medicated and better able to handle mood issues. But for the first time in well over a decade, I had fears of being hospitalized again.

I’m usually quite comfortable discussing depression. I feel that if it’s not talked about it remains mysterious and strange for those who aren’t mentally ill. But this time around I felt shame. I felt shame that I am so fucked up that I’m technically one of those people who are being made fun of when people joke about crazy people. (Pisses me off that if I had cancer or diabetes or some-such, the teasing would be just shocking to everyone and the jokers would be shamed.) I struggled with simply taking care of myself, which of course makes my submissive duties much, much harder. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t be a fully effective submissive.

I get pissed off that my illness could be used against me when I speak out about the times I was raped or sexually assaulted. My being mentally ill doesn’t mean those things didn’t happen, weren’t traumatic (to even an ordinary, mentally fit person) and doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be taken seriously. It’s so easy to take advantage of the mentally ill. People don’t take us seriously. We doubt ourselves a lot. Even when I’m not in an ill state, having “crazy” thrown at me (like after I was assaulted) stings like a motherfucker.

Usually, when I’m depressed I feel sad, out of sorts, have a hard time functioning. But this Friday-Sunday it was beyond that. I spent time with MasterDoc Saturday night, and despite amazing (truly AMAZING) orgasms, I cried as we cuddled after. I just couldn’t stop the tears. He’s one of the very few people I can relax around and just go with what’s going on. And it is amazing how he lets me cry and is just there for me.

On Friday, I felt like my chosen family wasn’t taking the severity of my depression seriously. But a talk with my friend DivaSub made me realize something – I have gotten very, very good at hiding just how mentally ill I can be. That conversation reminded me of one in high school with my best friend. I couldn’t understand how people didn’t know that I was totally miserable and anxious enough for regular panic attacks. My friend pointed out to me that I always seemed happy. I have become TOO good at not letting people know what’s going on inside. I think MasterDoc is the only person who I will let my guard down around and cry because of depression.

Let me explain for those who haven’t experienced it – it’s not that I’m sad 24/7 when I’m depressed. I have ups and downs, but my mood swings wildly and the downs are more frequent and much deeper than normal. I have anxiety that makes me not want to leave the house. I fear that the careful control I have will break down and I’ll be crazy in public. So the best thing to do is avoid being out of the house as much as possible.

I fear getting so mentally ill that I have to take a break from work. I fear that everyone will know then that I’m ill.

I hate the fact that I feel shame over this. I can’t control it. I’m not a bad person. But I have bouts when I’m quite depressed, when my brain isn’t working right and I can’t muster energy for basic functions. I’m sad and teary often. Please remember though, most of the time I feel quite mentally stable. (As I feel right now.) And this is probably true for a great many mentally ill people.

Untitled Night Out

Published on August 7, 2011 in bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, couple, D/s, dom, embarrassment, exhibitionism, humiliation play, masturbation, non-monogamy, sex, sex parties, sex toys, show, slut, sub drop, swinging and Uncategorized. 3 Comments

Friday night was a particularly fun night out at the swing club. When we arrived and saw our friend who is always there on single guy nights (Veronica) she was flirty with me and MasterDoc asked, “I thought you weren’t into girls.” She said, “I’m not but I’m trying.” while looking at me. Rawr. I’d do her. Definitely. She loved my new hair cut.

A little later, MasterDoc and I were giving a show in the large room. MasterDoc really got into the powerful Dom & a submissive piece of meat mode. It was hot, but somehow lately I feel embarrassment about being slutty. It’s totally weird. Ultimately, I don’t have a problem with being made to come in front of a bunch of strangers, but I feel kinda embarrassed lately. It’s a little in a hot, humiliation-play type way, and a little in a “Oh my god I have to close my eyes and tune the audience out” way.

MasterDoc made me come. He gave a flashlight to one of the guys and so my pussy was on full display in the spotlight. I’d shut my eyes and let myself feel his hands on me, and THAT feels amazing so I just go with it. Soon, I’m coming and for me the only people there are me and him. As the orgasm subsides I crack open my eyes now and then, usually to shut them quickly.

MasterDoc made me give show with my vibe. Despite a little embarrassment I just went at it and made myself come – again with my eyes closed. I usually get myself off with some sort of clitoral vibe. I guess having my eyes closed it isn’t THAT weird for me. I usually close my eyes when we’ve a big audience.

Next he fucked me, but we knew we only had a few minutes left because the owner needed the room for something. Again, I was screaming in orgasm. This deep grunt comes out from my lower throat when I’m really in the throes. MasterDoc told me to come, but I had already started. I asked him later if he realized that, and he hadn’t. I thought the sounds I made were very different than when I’m just really turned on and wanting to come. I couldn’t hold back. Orgasm control has become a bit less important in our relationship lately. (He’s told me that if I get to the point where I just can’t help coming that it’s hot and acceptable.) I think it’s because my pussy doesn’t push his cock out like it used to. It does sometimes, but not nearly as often. (Score!)

We went to cuddle in another room. I mentioned a guy who had plopped himself down near us being cute – we had met him before and both times MD was like, “Him?” He looked a bit scruffy, but it seemed to me it’s in that “I’m a sensitive artist type guy” sort of way. Don’t know if he actually is, but that’s the look. he massaged my feet. MasterDoc leaned in and told me to play with the guy’s cock with my foot. So I started doing it through his pants. Soon, MasterDoc had granted the guy permission to rub his bare cock on my feet. I did my best to stroke his cock with both feet hanging over the edge of the bed. I’m kinda squicked by feet so it’s not hot for me, but then it wasn’t a problem for me either.

When MasterDoc went to bathroom the guy kept hitting on me, coming over and licking my toes even. When MasterDoc came back he let the guy go down on me. This guy was pretty lousy at it! I got MasterDoc to rescue me. I think perhaps that happened last time we met him there too. I hope if I see him again I remember he’s terrible at licking pussy!

MasterDoc and I cuddled for a while. I was definitely experiencing a cuddle deficiency. He was away the night before (the slut!) and we didn’t cuddle much the night before that because we had been doing a lot of cuddling and fucking over the past week. I was feeling pretty sated. (He rubbed one out not once but twice that night. As I like to tease him sometimes, “That’s pretty impressive Old Man.” The old man bit is just teasing. While he’s considerably older than me, he’s not a senior citizen (except at IHOP). But I must admit I wouldn’t expect a guy in his 50s to fuck like he does. I’m a very, very lucky woman.

We were hanging out a bit later and I heard some guy make a comment about, “She’s just some whore who hangs around here.” Hearing the “whore” comment, I figured it was about Veronica. This pissed me off. I thought, “She’s my friend, asshole. And quite frankly I don’t care if she’s earning money here. (I’ve never confirmed this, but yeah, I guess I’d be naive if I didn’t realize it.)” Anyway, she’s a sex worker, not inhuman. She’s my friend – we don’t hang out otherwise as of yet, but we’ve known her a while now from the club. So the tone of that guy’s voice irked me to no end. I’m sure he’d be all to glad to have that “whore” touch him.

Since I was happyily post-orgasmic, I sent MasterDoc off to chase women. I was content to relax and watch porn in the lounge area. I realized why women might seem like ice queen bitches at a swing club – you’re petrified to show even a polite interest because with many guys they’ll take it as actual interest. I have no trouble telling a guy, “No you can’t touch me.” but still it can be annoying. So I do my best to watch the porn and act like the single guys aren’t there.

MasterDoc was busy adding another notch in his belt of porn actresses fucked. (Alas she was a lousy lay!) Meanwhile I got hit on by cute couple. I was surprised in a way, always devaluing myself as usual. She has her hair really short like I do, and it looks great on her too. Her guy was cute and flirty but not in an oppressive way at all. Apparently they’re poly too. And she’s certainly bi. She went to use bathroom and he asked if he could make out with me. Actually, he ‘asked’ her if she’d mind if he made out with me while she was gone. She seemed a little perplexed and he clarified, “I wasn’t actually asking you I was just trying to hit on her.” (me) Rawr. We made out while she was in the restroom. She came back and sat behind him because she was feeling weirded out by the tons of single guys hovering. I don’t blame her for feeling that way. It was packed – mostly guys. We exchanged numbers and they’re certainly interested in seeing me again (and I them! Well, he wants to see me again at least.) I told them this blog address so I could even be found here.

MasterDoc came back after a long time. The couple had apparently met him once before. I’m not sure if the, “Oh you didn’t tell us your boyfriend is Doc!’ was just a surprised reaction or they were not as interested in him as me. This is a problem I’ve noticed since being in an age differential relationship. MasterDoc is an awesome guy and and awesome fuck but he is in his 50s and most of his attractiveness comes from his confidence, warm personality, and large cock. And his intelligence and his sense of humor and, well, his large cock that fucks me so well. A foursome with us and that couple would be so hot. I don’t get the sense it will happen, but a girl can fantasize.

Guest Post: Dinner and a Show

Published on June 14, 2011 in bdsm, blow jobs, cunt, D/s, DeeDee, dom, embarrassment, exhibitionism, humiliation play, kink, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex toys, show, slut, submissive and Uncategorized. 3 Comments

I asked my friend DivaSub to please write up the scene she watched last Friday at Chez MasterDoc. It’s not entirely laziness on my part – I worked all weekend and had little time to relax let alone blog. But I think you’ll find her descriptions delightful. DivaSub is a good friend of mine, a kinkster, but in a monogamous relationship. Surely if her relationship was open we’d have asked her to join us.

I joined MasterDoc, Nadia and DeeDee for a lovely dinner at MasterDoc’s Home for Wayward Women on Friday night. DeeDee is the epitome of a gracious hostess, and is forever cooking delicious, healthy meals. I wish I could have her come cook for me like that at my house! (She says she will if I pay her, hmmm….) When I arrived, DeeDee was (as per usual) cooking while wearing skimpy lingerie. MasterDoc and Nadia were only semi-nude, and as we sat down to dinner, I felt like I should get into the spirit by doffing my top (also, it was blazingly hot in there!). Dinner conversation with these folks is always a delightful combination of “normal” topics – current events, the weather, our jobs, etc. – and kinky topics. I was recalling this one time when my friends tied me to their closet door and made me watch them fucking. DeeDee remarked sarcastically that that must’ve been just terrible for me. I ironically confessed that it was simply dreadful, not fun or arousing in the slightest. Naturally MasterDoc suggested that I might enjoy watching them some time, to which I readily agreed.

At some point during dinner, MasterDoc ran off to get a lubed-up butt plug, brought it back to the table, and stuffed it up Nadia’s ass. Nadia, red-faced but clearly enjoying herself, remarked that this was just like Kink.com‘s The Upper Floor – a civilized dinner party at which no one bats an eye when some sub girl bends over to take a butt plug up her ass. Truly, I expect no less at MasterDoc’s Home for Wayward Women. Nadia sat back down, and MasterDoc instructed her to wiggle about, to make sure she was getting the full effect of that butt plug. She obeyed, in obvious embarrassment, which I found adorable. I pointed out to her that her ears were turning red, and she wailed, “You saying that makes it worse!” Mwahahahahahaha! I’m a bad friend.

Dinner concluded, MasterDoc and DeeDee went off to the playroom, and I helped Nadia with the dishes. (In point of fact, I stood there with my shirt off, fanning myself and making conversation, while Nadia did all the work. Like I said, I’m a bad friend.) Eventually MasterDoc came into the kitchen, naked. Not an unfamiliar sight to me, at this point. We all went into the playroom, after DeeDee (who wasn’t feeling well) excused herself to go lay down. I must remark, by the way, that the playroom is so elegantly appointed, now that DeeDee has worked her decorator’s magic on it. Its truly a very pleasant room to be in, even apart from the debauched activities that usually take place in there. I took my seat next to the air conditioner, from which vantage point I was able to comfortably observe the action. Nadia strapped on a pair of knee pads and stripped off her clothes. She was wearing some charming lingerie, a gift from DeeDee. MasterDoc proposed that the blog entry about this should be called “Butt Plugs and Knee Pads”. Throughout the remainder of the evening, we’d all occasionally come up with cute ideas for what the blog post should be called, but…I can only remember that one. Should’ve been taking notes, darn it!

MasterDoc sat on the edge of the bed and instructed Nadia to come suck his cock. He described to me, as she knelt between his legs and did so, the specific technique with which he has trained her – emphasis on hard sucking, rather than deep sucking – to maximize his pleasure. Frankly, I’m impressed that he was able to talk at all while this was going on, because Nadia has clearly mastered the technique. After a period of cock sucking, he had her get up on to the bed with him, and she took off her lingerie and knee pads. I hoped she’d just leave the knee pads on – I like that “sexy roller derby girl” look – but off they came, and she lay back on the bed with her knees spread. MasterDoc took some time to admire her cunt, as he manipulated it and toyed with the butt plug (oh yeah, did I mention that she was still wearing that butt plug?). I believe he made her come around this point. Nadia will surely concur with me that it is difficult to keep track of the orgasms at MasterDoc’s Home for Wayward Women.

They had some brief discussion about the best position for them to fuck, for their pleasure and for my voyeuristic enjoyment. Eventually they settled upon having Nadia on all fours with MasterDoc behind her, both facing me. MasterDoc commented that they usually face the other way while in that position, but that since they had a guest there, it would be rude to face away. Such a thoughtful host! He pushed Nadia’s head down towards the bed – a position which I thought made her arms and back looked particularly fit and muscular (yet, another benefit of weight loss and getting in better shape: you look sexier when you’re fucking for an audience!) – and described to me in extreme detail how he was giving her just the tip of his cock, and then a little more, and then a little more, and then finally sliding the whole thing home. Whatever might be lost in visual detail, with the business end of the fuck facing away from the observer, MasterDoc more than makes up for in narrative detail. They commenced to fucking, and I wish now that I’d had the presence of mind to bring a stopwatch, because it seemed to go on for VERY LONG TIME. I’m truly impressed with MasterDoc’s athletic stamina. And Nadia’s too! I know perfectly well how much muscle and staying power it takes to get fucked like that. When he gave her permission, Nadia began to come (would this be the second time? or the third?), and MasterDoc said, “What a wild ride she is!”. I can believe it.

After a protracted period of fucking, they took a break. MasterDoc cordially invited me to feel free to pleasure myself while I watched, if it was my desire. I politely declined – me, I’m more comfortable letting the scene arouse me, and then jerking off later at home to the memory. (You can be certain that I did so later that night.) Nadia remarked that, when they do sex shows, they find that its fairly rare for the observers to actually whip their dicks out and take care of business. MasterDoc said, if he were an audience member, he’d definitely want to take advantage of the permission for instant gratification. I figure that some people get off on that sort of thing, and others want to save it up to enjoy privately later. Fortunately, there’s room for everyone in the world of kink.

Having caught their breath, it was time for more fucking. MasterDoc first wanted Nadia to climb on top for a ride, but then decided that he’d climb on her instead. She lay sideways on the bed, with a pillow blocking my view of her body. I imperiously demanded that she move it because, come on, let’s not pretend I’m not here for the full monty. MasterDoc grabbed her hair and began to fuck her, telling her what a wild ride she was, what a slutty pussy. It was a beautiful angle for both of them – truly, if I’m going to get a live porno show, it may as well be with sexy porn stars, and these two definitely fit the bill. He fucked her long and hard and over and over and eventually gave her permission to come (for the fourth time? fifth? HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU COME, NADIA??). When they finished, I was both aroused and, vicariously, exhausted. MasterDoc began to discuss having Nadia lick his ass, but as it was getting to be time for me to go home, they decided to wait and see me to the door. They’re excellent hosts. As we said goodbye, I told them “I love coming over here. Its always dinner and a show!”.

I hope you enjoyed this guest post. The day after this scene I told MasterDoc that it had had a “metric fuckton of humiliation.” I’m not sure why, knowing DivaSub like I do and that she’s a complete pervert too, but it was somehow more humiliating for a friend to watch than some random guy I don’t know. I did have a fantastic time though.

Show Slut

Published on February 18, 2011 in anal, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, cunt, D/s, exhibitionism, horny, humiliation play, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, prostate massage, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, show, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive, Uncategorized and wartenburg wheel. 0 Comments

I have so much blogging to catch up on, that I figure I might as well start with the most recent thing and work my way back. I usually try to keep things in chronological order here; I love to chronicle things and knowing what happened when is important to me. Granted, in the grand scheme of things it’s probably not necessary.

This morning, MasterDoc and I did our first show together in about a year. The long gap wasn’t intentional, various possibilities have fallen through over the months, but I have to admit I’m happy to have an audience again. Our guest was a strapping young man, nice looking. This always helps because if a guy is unattractive or (and this is far worse) somehow creepy, I don’t enjoy things quite as much. Notice how I didn’t say I don’t enjoy them at all. Having the safety of MasterDoc being in charge and being the one touching me (and deciding if our guest can touch me) helps me enjoy myself even if I’m not digging the guy. And a really nice guy who’s not particularly attractive can be a delight to perform for. (Making me feel safe is truly the key. It’s great if you want to jerk off to how slutty I am. Not so great if you’re going to try to touch me without permission. Or get in any way pushy about it.)

I was wearing just a black full slip and my collar. I greeted the guest at the door and the three of us sat in the living room talking a little bit. MasterDoc took some time to caress my face, grab my hair, all those things that help put me in the right headspace for submitting. He had me suck his cock for a bit and I immersed myself in it. The past day or so I’ve gotten more pleasure out of serving than usual. Last night I was happy to spend time massaging MasterDoc to make his sore shoulder feel better. I was having an evening where just being near him made me happy.

This morning that mood continued. He had me get on all fours and crawl over to where our guest put the money for the show in an envelope (and give a bark along the way *blush*). I picked it up with my hand and he scolded me saying he wanted me to get it with my mouth. This puppy thing is really taking off. I put it in my mouth and crawled over to MasterDoc. He took the envelope and petted me. Then I was allowed to get back up again. I felt embarrassed, he seems to be doing a lot of humiliation stuff with me. I’m not entirely sure why I felt embarrassed though. As long as I’m in a situation where a submissive slut is desired, why should I feel embarrassed?

We moved into the bedroom. The playroom is set up well now, with even a couple of chairs in there (thanks DeeDee!). I already had the throe on the bed since it was practically inevitable that if I came I’d squirt. I slid deep into subspace rather easily. The morning is a bit of a blur because of this, but let’s try to piece things together, shall we?

MasterDoc spread my legs and used the cane on me. He hit my inner thighs, breasts, cunt and so on. As I was solidly in subspace the sensation was arousing rather than painful. I was thrilled to be his toy, thrilled to be on display. He demonstrated how he could do anything he wanted to me. Submission is definitely a kink for me, and with a guest over, MasterDoc behaved more brusque and forceful than usual – and I loved it. He really got into calling me a piece of meat and making me feel like I existed solely to be used for sex. This is definitely a kink I like to indulge sometimes.

He had me suck his cock, and our guest loved it when he choked me but good on it. (Yeah, yeah I loved it too.) I love how it leaves me drooling all over his cock and breathless. I imagine that my make up was messed up by this time as choking can make my eyes water. But all this was hot. I was hot. I was being a very dirty slut. And I love being a dirty slut.

MasterDoc made me come a few times, I can’t recall the exact order of things. He fucked me, making me moan in desperation to come. He let our guest play with my tits and being groped furthered my arousal. I was just on the tipping point of coming without permission when he gave me permission to come. Fuck. I came so hard. I really wish I could show you all a video of how hard I came – and for how long. I’m still physically tired from the orgasms. At one point, I squirted a TON onto the throe and our guest (and MasterDoc) seemed to love it. I love when everything about me is uninhibited and sexual. I love being treated like a piece of fuckmeat, so long as it’s consensually done with someone who doesn’t genuinely think that’s all I’m good for.

I’m proud of my intelligence, but also proud of my capacity for sexual pleasure. MasterDoc has pointed out to me many times that some women would be thrilled to have just one of my ultra-intense orgasms in her lifetime. Me, I get them on a regular basis. Having a Dom who has taken a lot of time to watch my reactions and learn what gets me going really leads to amazing sex. I’m thrilled that his taking the time to teach me exactly what he wants has led to me being able to turn him on with just my hands (and not on his cock either!).

The second fucking had me on top, and I was sure as hell going to enjoy myself. I rode his cock, and he first let the guest hold my butt cheeks apart to get a better view, but ultimately he let the guy lube up my ass and finger it. Holy fuck, being double penetrated like that felt amazing. I came and it probably resembled a hurricane or some other force of nature. (Davey used to call me a force of nature. If I want something badly enough I have been known to make things happen. But I have to want it badly enough.) MasterDoc must have been feeling generous because touching me is decidedly NOT part of the show. Often the guys don’t lay a finger on me. They are told in no uncertain terms up front that they are not to touch me. Sometimes MasterDoc feels comfortable and lets them lend a hand.

I totally collapsed after that last round of fucking and orgasm. Seriously, I lay face down on the bed, immobile for what seemed like ten minutes. I finally found the strength to get up and go rinse myself off.

When I returned, MasterDoc had been talking to our guest and he decided that I should demonstrate my prostate massage skills on our guest. I gloved up and put a huge glob of lube in my hand. This guy stood in front of me while I sat on the bed, and I slowly worked my finger inside his ass. He had never experienced this before, and I told him to please speak up if anything hurts at all (it’s not supposed to hurt). Rather than hurting it seemed like it felt great for him. I focused on pressing and stroking his prostate gland. He stroked his cock at the same time and asked if it was okay if he came on my tits. I had no problem with it, and didn’t think MasterDoc would mind either. (Heck, he might be extra proud for the extra sluttiness!)

After our guest came, all over my tits and all over the blanket, I rinsed myself off again and collapsed into bed. MasterDoc saw him out and got involved with a phone call. I waited for him to finish to get the aftercare I desperately needed. While I had a fantastic time, it was a very intense sort of scene and I felt kinda like in a state of shock after. I was cold, a little ill-feeling, but all I needed to feel good again was some food, water and cuddles. Even a fantastic scene can be draining and leave me in a needy heap. But once I’ve recovered I can enjoy the fond memories and feel good.

I need to check my ass, as that got caned well too and I may actually have some bruising for memorabilia. As I checked off the categories of this post, I remembered that the wartenburg wheel played an early part in the scene, as did the magic wand. I feel so fortunate to have such a rich sexual life that I can forget amazing things that happened. I love my sex life.

Monday Show

Published on February 26, 2010 in bdsm, caning, D/s, humiliation play, kink, masturbation, orgasm on command, piss play, sex, sex toys, show and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I’m terribly behind in chronicling this, but hopefully I remember (and jotted down) enough details to make this a worthwhile blog entry.

MasterDoc had a man over for a show on Monday. This man had seen DeeDee already and when MasterDoc texted him about coming over to see me, he sent the coded text: “Would you like to come see my other property Monday night?”

I set up my laptop so it played internet porn on MasterDoc’s television. There was a lot of chat, the guy who came was very friendly and not terribly unlike MasterDoc (same generation, Jewish, similar personality). It was a mostly jovial, relaxed situation that night. While that’s fun, it’s also hard to get “in the mood” when there’s a lot of joking.

MasterDoc and I both weren’t particularly horny that night, but the show must go on! He caned me for a while, lovely stripes showing up on my ass. I was in need of a beating so I was glad. After, MasterDoc had me suck his cock for a bit, but he wasn’t getting very hard because he had to urinate.

Yup. You can guess what happened next. The guy wanted to see him pee on me and MasterDoc was happy to oblige. I knelt in the tub while MasterDoc pissed on me and the other guy jerked off to orgasm. I have to admit, it was pretty fucking hot. The warm piss running down my body, some humiliation felt, the other guy obviously really excited and pulling furiously on his cock. Funny thing is, the guy said after that the peeing is just not his thing. Pretty funny considering how worked up he was and that he came quickly and easily!

When gathering toys for the show, I was smart and thought that MasterDoc might want the nipple suckers (they’re snake bite suckers really). I was dead on. He placed them on my nipples and the suction hurt. He mercilessly flicked them, watching the expression on my face.

He had me lay back with the suckers still on my nipples and play with the magic wand. I writhed on the floor with the wand buzzing on my clit. MasterDoc removed the suckers, turned me over and fucked me from behind. The guy was permitted to play with my breasts as I was fucked and he even ended up holding the magic wand for me when I grew tired of holding myself up with one arm. MasterDoc eventually let me come, and when I did he switched to his fingers and slammed my pussy as I came. He made me keep coming until I could come no more.

I lay on the mat and the guy massaged my back a little while MasterDoc took a call. The guy asked me to tug on his balls while he stroked himself and after making sure I had permission from MasterDoc I obliged. MasterDoc specifically told the guy not to come on my face, and he ended up coming on my hand as I pulled down his balls. He was kind enough to grab a tissue and wipe my hand off immediately after.

On With the Show

Published on January 3, 2010 in bdsm, blow jobs, D/s, embarrassment, exhibitionism, flogging, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, photos, sex, sex toys, show, slut, spanking, submissive and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

Late Saturday afternoon we put on a show. I wasn’t initially in the mood for one, I was hoping for a quiet afternoon in and possibly some more use of my behind the back restraints. (I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they will get a fair amount of use.) MasterDoc had me dress in the maid costume from Halloween, and I felt silly. I was embarrassed and not in the hot-humiliation-play sort of way. He pointed out that had I asked nicely not to wear it, I may have been allowed to forgo it that day, but since I was a bit cranky I ended up in the costume. I started feeling a bit better after I put on fishnet stockings and the high heels. They made me feel sexier as did our guest’s reaction when he saw me. His immediate reaction was, “Wow! Very nice! Very pretty.”

I think heels look fabulous, but I can’t stand wearing the bloody things. I also thought that MasterDoc’s neighbors must be cursing me as I clumped around on the wooden floor in heels. I asked for permission to take them off and thankfully he let me. I got drinks for everyone as MasterDoc started making conversation with our guest. I sat on the couch next to MasterDoc in my silly maid outfit and blushed profusely as they talked about me, and MasterDoc talked about our relationship. It’s funny, the feminist in me realizes that I shouldn’t be all into being liked for my looks and sex appeal, but damn it does feel good to feel sexy.

My friend Coy Pink recently sent along a new toy when she was so very kind to send me some yummy tea. (Let me just say, she rocks. And she has some hooooot pictures on her site.) She had won an electrosex power box and wasn’t interested in it herself. She asked if I was interested and since MasterDoc has some TENS units we’ve used, I said yes. We had taken it out of the box and looked it over, but not played with it yet. MasterDoc applied two of the electrodes on either side of my left nipple. He played with the settings on the box and for a while I didn’t feel anything. Then he started to get it going and I jumped suddenly. Our guest said, “Oh she felt that!” and seemed amused. He asked if it could be used elsewhere, such as my pussy. MasterDoc said, ooh he’ s a meanie, and opted instead for my inner thigh since he’s not accustomed to using the unit yet. He played with shocking me a bit more before deciding to put the toy away. I’m curious to see what it would be like if we had a vaginal electrode attachment. Yikes. Could be amazingly fun or horrible torture.

He had me get on my knees and blow him. It’s a very subservient position to be in – on your knees, breasts bared, sucking the cock of your dressed Dom and being watched by another perv. In case you might misinterpret that, I mean it’s hot. Plus I’m quite happy with my “slut’s pacifier” in my mouth.

Our guest was appreciative, paying me many compliments throughout the show. This added to the ego boost MasterDoc had been giving me lately by giving me lots of compliments and reminding me how much he loves me. I have to admit that I’m not feeling so down on myself now.

I got bent over the scoop and flogged and paddled. (He used the wooden paddle, which is much harsher than the leather slut paddle.) I’ll include some pictures here for your viewing pleasure. MasterDoc also teased me with my bullet vibe and played with me until I begged to come. I came in typically spectacular fashion – you can’t mistake me for someone who’s not enjoying herself.

(New camera. Haven’t fixed the date stamp!)

After I recovered, MasterDoc had me do more dick sucking, followed by laying on my back masturbating on the mat on the floor. It’s funny how I have no trouble doing this in front of a stranger (I mean, it’s HOT) but I do keep my eyes closed as much as possible. I was already really wet from coming before. MasterDoc had me get on hands and knees and he fucked me from behind. He should be quite proud at the good fucking he gave me, there are men younger than 55 who can’t manage what he did. Rowr. Again, I came spectacularly hard to the delight of our guest. He swore that he would definitely come again for another show.

Giving Credit Where Credit is Due

Published on December 24, 2009 in bdsm, blog, D/s, dom, musings, show and Uncategorized. 3 Comments

I receive a lot of compliments on this blog, and I appreciate them all. I put in the time and effort to write it. But I want to point out that the blog would be very, very different without MasterDoc. He comes up with the things we do, and it’s his deviant mind that provides the tales I relate here.

This reminds me of one of his favorite stories. Apparently he was out at a bdsm club years ago with his lady at the time. He did all sorts of hot, kinky shit to her and after, a guy comes over to her and says, “Wow, that was really hot!”

MasterDoc says to him, “Excuse me, but when you go to a magic show, do you compliment the wand?”

It’s time I pointed out the magician behind the magic here.

I can hear him now, “Aw babe, you didn’t have to do that.” But I’m sure at the same time he’ll be thrilled.

Day of Debauchery

Published on December 19, 2009 in anal, analingus, bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, bondage, caning, D/s, exhibitionism, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, show, spanking, submissive, sybian, threesome and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Friday was quite a full day of pervyness with MasterDoc. Early in the afternoon, he had a lady who’s a switch come over with the intention of her helping top me. But somehow he found out that she also has a swing profile and he proceeded to look up the profile and read it out loud to her. He teased her mercilessly as it’s quite a slutty profile. (Yeah, like either of us have an issue with sluts. They’re our favorite people!) She turned red and we all laughed so hard. When he got to the point about how she can come from just neck/ear nibbling or nipple stimulation he said, “Oh yeah?” and proceeded to play with her neck. The laughing stopped around then, and she was immediately in a horny reverie, head tipping back, mouth open. He took out one breast and I took out the other, and the two of us made her come from just sucking on her nipples. It was loads of fun. He teased her sadistically some more, and somehow none of us ever ended up naked. But we had the best time laughing and teasing. I’m hoping we get to see her again soon. (And while I was perfectly happy with how the visit turned out, I do look forward to being topped by two people at once someday!)

Later in the afternoon, an Irish guy who had watched a show before came over to see us again. MasterDoc put me over the Liberator scoop, used the wrist and thigh cuffs to attach me to the scoop, and spanked my ass. It felt more sting-y than usual yesterday and the canes smarted something awful. He alternated with the riding crop as well which was easier to handle. His wooden paddle was almost unbearable. He helped me deal with the pain by putting the magic wand up against my cunt while he spanked me some more. I did my best to grind my clit against the wand, but it was always just slightly off to the side of the ideal spot. But I got so hot, and so far into subspace, from that beating/teasing combo. He let me lay over the scoop for a few minutes after so I could come down a bit.

He took off the wrist cuffs and I felt floaty when I got up. I knelt before him, he was seated on the couch, and sucked MasterDoc’s cock. He did a little face fucking again, which produced lots of drool. It’s not easy being gagged like that but I do think it’s terribly hot. The river of drool that comes out as my mouth is pulled off is really sexy in a nasty sort of way. Earlier, he had told me I’m a dirty slut and made me admit that I wanted to be used in front of our guest. The low growl to his voice as he makes me look him in the eye and say these things get me so hot. I feel embarrassed but oh so turned on.

He had me warm up on the floor mat with the magic wand. I couldn’t look our guest in the eye too often but I did get myself very close to orgasm quickly. MasterDoc fucked me from behind for a bit and the feel of his cock inside me while I pressed the magic wand to my clit would have easily been enough to send me (way) over the edge. But I wasn’t given permission to come just yet. I had to pull the wand away from my clit a bit to ensure I didn’t come accidentally. But it felt so good and I wanted to come so badly.

Our guest had told MasterDoc beforehand that he wanted to see me fucked up the ass, and so MasterDoc pulled his cock out and lubed up my ass and my slender, red glitter dildo. He slid the dildo into my ass to warm me up and it felt great as he fucked me with it. I think I’m still a little surprised at how aroused I can get from anal stimulation. This didn’t last long, and MasterDoc put his hard cock against my hole. For a moment it felt like it wasn’t going to go in, but then it pushed past my sphincter. Holy shit did it feel good to feel his large cock in my ass. He fucked me hard while our guest watched and I moaned like a bitch in heat. MasterDoc talked dirty to me, telling me I’m a good little three hole slut and other equally hot, nasty things. He knows that telling me I’m a slut, whore, fucktoy, etc. will get me off even harder.

When he told me to come, I came so very hard. I screamed, my head slid forward off the mat. He kept fucking my ass and I must have gotten absolutely flooded with wetness. He took his cock out and fingered me a bit, making me come more. I had to lay down to rest for a while after. I was in a wonderful state of subspace.

He topped off the show with a sybian ride, but first I had to earn it by licking his ass. He had me rub his ass a bit and as I looked at it I was filled with dread. I know analingus doesn’t bother some people but it’s not one of my favorite things. I did as I was told, however, and humiliatingly ate out his ass while our guest watched. Quite a bit of humiliation play let me tell you.

On the sybian, he teased me for a bit and then I came shrieking and screaming, burying my head into his chest. I think he and our guest were quite amused at watching me lose all control like that. He had our guest spank me while I rode the sybian and I loved being spanked during it. The whole experience was exceptional. If every time could be so intense, nasty and hot, I would just live in perpetual heaven. (Not that I don’t already come close, mind you.)

Later that night our friend came over and I got to use my strap on harness on her. But you will have to go to the review to get an account of that.

Oh and a little tidbit – the needles MasterDoc ordered for needleplay came in!

Pee-Shy

Published on November 30, 2009 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, bondage, caning, D/s, dom, edge play, embarrassment, emotions, exhibitionism, flogging, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, piss play, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, show, spanking, squirting, submissive, sybian and Uncategorized. 3 Comments

I was feeling extra shy and anxious about the show MasterDoc had planned this morning. I knew that the guy coming liked to watch women pee; he had watched DeeDee on one of her recent visits. I am super pee-shy. I get anxiety just from trying to pee in a crowded public restroom – and that’s from within a stall where I’m by myself. MasterDoc joked with me today that he wondered what my mother managed to do to me when being potty trained that I should have such anxiety issues. Max Lagos asked me on twitter why I was pee-shy. I know intellectually that we all pee, it’s no big deal, it’s merely releasing waste liquid from your body. But somehow at a deep subconscious level I feel anxious about it. It’s embarrassing. It’s something that’s supposed to be totally private. I hated hearing about DeeDee’s experience. Just hearing about it was painful.

MasterDoc reassured me that it’s not a big deal if I couldn’t manage to do it. He tried to allay my anxiety but I still thought to myself, “I need drugs! Now! Tranquilizers! Alcohol!”

When our guest showed up he asked me how the library business was. I figured MasterDoc had mentioned what I do, or the blog or something, but our guest told me that he had seen me before a while ago. It must’ve been one of the shows earlier on in my relationship with MasterDoc. I did panic for a few moments wondering if I knew him from where I work. I think I just eventually got to the point, as I was sucking MasterDoc’s cock, that I was in for a penny, in for a pound and should just go with it. Whoever this guy is he already knew I’m a submissive slut.

MasterDoc had me go back to suck his cock for a while. I had been in the middle of doing that when our guest buzzed the door. I did lots of deep throating when I went back to sucking him, and focused totally on the blow job. He had me take his cock out of my mouth for a moment and look up at him while he stroked my cheek with his cock. He had me take the head just a little bit into my mouth, still looking at him. Eye contact with MasterDoc is hot for me, but eye contact with others is really difficult.

MasterDoc bent me over the scoop on the floor. He asked if I wanted to be bound with the wrist and thigh cuffs and I said yes. Even though the position might have potentially been uncomfortable I was keen enough to try it because I’ve craved bondage. He beat me with two of the canes, the two floggers. I focused on breathing in order to deal with the pain. He told me to look at our guest, and I could barely fix my eyes on him for more than a split second. I kept closing my eyes and looking down. Eye contact is harder for me than many other things. Pee on me. Make me lick your ass. But please don’t make me make eye contact with someone I don’t know. With my anxiety level already high, it was exceptionally hard.

Apparently the flogger left a nice pattern on my upper back and the canes left a nice pattern on my butt. Unfortunately there was no camera handy. MasterDoc dipped his fingers into my cunt to see if I was wet, and I was so wet you could hear the squishing. He caned me some more and then released me from the bonds. I kept laying face down over the scoop because I didn’t want to see our guest.

MasterDoc had me sit face up with legs spread, but he let me wear a blindfold. I used my bullet vibe on my clit, and as usual I felt turned on knowing there was an audience but not being able to see said audience. MasterDoc had me turn back over. He lubed up my ass with his finger in case he decided to fuck my ass. I rubbed the vibe against clit and moaned as he fingered my ass. He backed off a bit and said, “Show me how much you want it. Show me how much you want my cock.”

I was writhing and humping the vibe. He had me get up on my knees to get fucked from behind. After some thought as to which hole he’d take, he fucked my cunt. The blindfold allowed me to relax and focus on what was going on. When he let me come I squirt a huge puddle all over pillow and rug. (Next time I will hopefully remember the throe.) He kept me coming a good long time and I squirted more than once.

After a rest, MasterDoc decided to put me on the sybian since I had been a good girl this weekend. But I first tried to nonchalantly ask if I could go use the bathroom. MasterDoc picked up on my attempt at passing it by him and right away asked me, “What for?” When I said I had to pee I covered my face with my hands and felt embarrassed. But there was no letting me off. The two men followed me into bathroom. I was instructed to sit on the toilet leaning back, with my legs spread. I tried to pee, really I did. MasterDoc asked me if I’d prefer looking at him or eyes closed. Definitely eyes closed! Our guest ran the water faucet in the sink. That didn’t help. I couldn’t help but laugh when MasterDoc added in the bathtub faucet. I struggled with trying to relax my sphincter. I shifted my weight around, put my hands up to my face; I was really fidgety. They eventually left me alone but I’m wasn’t supposed to go without letting them know. I still couldn’t pee. Several more minutes passed, and MasterDoc came in to tell me that our guest had said to let me off the hook about peeing, and get me on the sybian. MasterDoc let me pee without an audience but with my anxiety level so high I still had some trouble. Eventually, I managed to get a little out and I rejoined them in the living room.

We got me situated on the sybian. MasterDoc told me that as I’m working up to coming I can look down or at him, but when I’m ready to come I have to look at our guest as I ask permission until MasterDoc gives me permission to come. I find that even with sybian cranked up I can’t overcome my anxiety over making eye contact. It’s clear to MasterDoc that I’m overwhelmed by anxiety when I don’t come or even seem all that close to coming. He finally gives me permission to just come, and even then it takes several seconds before I can truly orgasm. I bury my head in his chest and hump the sybian as I come.

Our guest leaves after this, telling me he likes my smile as he says goodbye. I’m so embarrassed I can barely look him in the eye. I curl up on the sofa with the throe over me while MasterDoc walks him to the door. I’m feeling a little like I’m in shock, or having a touch of PTSD. I think it’s just that extreme anxiety will cause me to get a little triggered. After some talking with MasterDoc about the experience and how I felt, I calmed down and the bad feelings went away. I wonder if it would have helped to have me pee in front of MasterDoc before trying a stranger. I can pee in the same room as Davey or MasterDoc, but I have only once in my life had someone actually watch me pee. (And that was totally not erotic to me and I had a hard time then too. It was about 10 years ago with the guy who was my boyfriend at the time.) It made it even harder knowing that they (MasterDoc and guest) would enjoy seeing my embarrassment and struggle with this task. MasterDoc was not at all upset with me for not being able to do it, but the experience was stressful on the whole. Luckily, we went out for tea (sandwiches, scones and a large selection of teas to choose from) after and this very urbane meal helped me feel more centered and relaxed.

MasterDoc asked me if the experience was at least hot, and I had to admit that I was too anxious to feel turned on. The caning turned me on. Using the bullet vibe on myself turned me on, but any eye contact or pee attempts freaked me the hell out. I was feeling a little bit hot about the idea before our guest arrived. But with someone there I don’t know, I was overly anxious.

Slut on Display

Published on August 21, 2007 in bdsm, dom, sex and show. 0 Comments

Funny how all my blogs become sex blogs sooner or later. *chuckle*

When I got to MasterDoc’s place yesterday morning, he had a surprise waiting for me – a guest. He had invited a man with an interest in bdsm to come watch MasterDoc dominate and use me. Now I had suspected this might happen, after all I’ve known that it’s his plan to do this sort of thing with me sooner or later, and the day before he gave me specific instructions as to how to dress (slutty). I was nervous, but at the same time I was terribly turned on as I’m such an exhibitionist. I really do love the attention that comes from someone watching me have sex. I think that’s why I took to sex parties so quickly like I did.

MasterDoc introduced me and introduced the man and had me kneel in front of him (MasterDoc). (Heh, I just noticed that if you reduce “MasterDoc” to initials it’s “M.D.” Clever!) They talked a little bit about me and my training and the fact that the other gentleman was working with a woman who’s submissive. MasterDoc had me suck his cock and it really turned me on to do so in front of an audience. He told me to look at the other guy while I did it, and while I felt a bit shy to do so it also turned me on. MasterDoc exposed my breasts and played with them a little. When he let me sit back he commented on how I wore pantyhose, and I raised my miniskirt to show that in fact I had on stockings. He said that since I was lifting my skirt I might as well lift it to my waist and so I did so. Now, you don’t have to have a perfect body to take pleasure in showing it off. I don’t have a perfect body. I take great pleasure in showing it off. What can I say, I’m a bit of an attention whore.

MasterDoc had me lay on the floor in front of him on the sofa, and put my legs up on the sofa, so that I was spread open before him and the other guy. He commented on how wet I was (it was soaking through the thin fabric of the thong I wore) and exposed my pussy. He teased me a bit, having the other guy lean over to watch. I lay there submissively, enjoying the attention. He had me get an ice cube and he teased my nipples and cunt with the ice. After cooling me off, he had me stand so he could warm up my pussy again with his mouth.

He went into my bag of gear that I had brought along and got out my crop/slapper (it’s built like a riding crop but it has two larger pieces of leather at the end than the usual crop). I was on all fours in front of him, facing the other guy on the couch and he spanked me a bit with the crop and little flogger. He blindfolded me since I peeked at what he had grabbed when he grabbed the flogger. “No peeking!” he told me and had me put the blindfold on. The other gentleman held my head in his hands as MasterDoc flogged me a little bit. M.D. had me suck his cock a bit more and then had me beg to be fucked. He positioned me on my hands and knees on the mat on the floor, and invited the other guy to move to the floor to get a better view. As he entered me, it hurt a little as MasterDoc has a big cock and while I was wet, sometimes I need a bit of stretching out before I’m fully warmed up. But after the first couple of thrusts it felt great and I got into it. He had me look at the other guy while he fucked me and the guy commented on how I clearly enjoyed being fucked. I came and my muscles pushed MasterDoc out (involuntary response, believe you me. I’d be quite happy to keep him in there!). He took over fingering me and I came hard. Unfortunately, as has happened once or twice before, my muscle contractions pushed some matter out of my butt. Now if I was at all into scat I might have been turned on by this, however I’m not even remotely into scat so I was just embarrassed. MasterDoc was kind and just told me to go clean off. I came back out to the living room feeling embarrassed.

MasterDoc cuddled me for a moment and again had me get on my knees to suck his cock. He had me beg again to be fucked and this time he offered the other guy my legs to hold while he fucked me. I lay on the floor with my head near the couch and the other guy sitting on the couch with his legs on either side of my head. He held and caressed my legs while MasterDoc fucked me. I came really hard and then MasterDoc started fucking me with a toy and I came harder until I was squirting a shower all over myself. The other guy had a front row seat for the action. Again with the muscle contractions and my butt (argh!) so I had to go clean up a second time. (Mortifying!!)

Around this time the other guy prepared to leave and MasterDoc had me come out to say goodbye to him. He seemed to have really appreciated the show and I felt comfortable with him, so I hoped he’d be back for more. M.D. and I ordered lunch and cuddled while talking about what had gone on that morning. His cock was still hard but he figured that he’d probably just about start fucking me when the food arrived so we didn’t play any more. After lunch I still had a few minutes before I had to leave for work, so MasterDoc took me over his lap and spanked and fingered me. He would pause and grab my hair firmly, asserting his dominance, and that gets me so hot. He spanked and fingered me to orgasm. I’m a very lucky girl.

I had to dash, so I quickly dressed and headed out. As I was leaving the building he called my cell phone to point out how kind he is to me – he had forgotten to have me clean up the place before leaving. Apparently next time there will be more time for cleaning up and less time for orgasms. *sigh*

As I said goodbye to MasterDoc, he handed me some money and told me that was my part of the earnings from the morning’s show. I’m sure my face lit up at the idea of getting paid to do something that turns me on so much. It was a modest sum, but he had used most of the money to pay for our lunch. Still, I had enough money to pay for my dinner (with leftovers for lunch today and a little change) and I smiled to myself as I bought dinner last night with my slut money. After I spent it, I kinda had the thought that maybe I should have framed it, you know like how businesses frame their first dollar earned. *chuckle* But it’s been spent.