Archive for the 'sexuality' Category

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Why The Lesbian Sheep Dance?

Published on July 16, 2010 in anxiety, attraction, bisexuality, lesbian, musings, poly, sexuality and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

The other day MasterDoc asked me if, when it comes to dating women, I sabotage myself. I had to say yes, I think I do but of course figuring out why is much harder.

I do wonder if I have some deeply internalized homophobia going on – as in, being gay is just fine but oooh I’d be a bad person if I did it. Perhaps my upbringing in a Catholic family (albeit rather lapsed), in the suburbs (where people tend to conform even more), during the 80′s (you never saw openly gay kids in high school back then – at least not in the burbs where I was, and blatant homophobia was rampant) all contributed to this state of affairs. My grandmother, who I grew up in the house with, would have flipped out over my brother being gay or me being bi. She was deeply distressed back when Rosie O’Donnell came out. She liked Rosie and was bewildered to find that she’s “a gay.” I pointed out to her that she was still the same exact person she enjoyed watching on tv before, only now she knew more about her private life than before.

My grandmother passed away in 2002, and while I was out to myself as bi (and had had sex with women by then) I was totally closeted as far as my family was concerned. I’m still not out to my dad. My brother only came out as gay around 2006 (he’s much younger than me, he was around 23 at the time). My father, who I was always close to, is deeply uncomfortable with homosexuality. He’s a 62-year-old man who grew up in a Catholic family during an era when homosexuality was truly vilified (hey, he grew up in New York pre-Stonewall). In so many ways my dad is a spectacular guy – but he cannot seem to get it into his head that homosexuality is not a choice, does not do bad things to your soul, and ultimately is a natural part of the world. He would never be mean or antagonistic towards someone he knew was gay, but he would be deeply uncomfortable.

Since I’ve been closer to my dad than my mom, it’s not surprising that after my brother came out I came out to my mother – because frankly I could give a shit if she didn’t like it. But I’m really afraid of disappointing my father. Already, he’s struggling with the whole poly thing and he hasn’t even met MasterDoc yet (and has no idea he’s much older than me). Imagine if I threw a girlfriend into the mix?

My mother was totally accepting of both my brother and I – though I don’t think she quite “gets” that poly is an ongoing thing and not just something you do until you settle down. Her family was far more liberal than my father’s ever was. (The aforementioned grandmother who I grew up with was dad’s mom.) And while my brother is gay and open-minded in some ways, he does identify still as Roman Catholic (says his Facebook page) and *shudder* republican. Being the way out left liberal that I am kinda makes me the black sheep of my immediate family. They’re largely used to and embracing of how “unique” I am, but there’s still some things best not discussed around family. I’m used to keeping parts of myself and my life secret from them.

So do I sabotage myself? It’s possible. Why don’t I ever EVER make a move on a woman I’m interested in? If a woman I like pursues me, then we’re fine, but as so many of us ladies do the lesbian sheep dance it leaves me in a position where I long for a woman in my life, but never quite get one. How can I work through this and get over my subconscious hang up?

Kinky Foursome

Published on June 6, 2010 in bdsm, bisexuality, bondage, caning, cunnilingus, cunt, D/s, DeeDee, dom, fantasy, foursome, kink, non-monogamy, restraints, sex, sex toys, sexuality, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, swinging, sybian and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

So our new friend – I didn’t get into the blog thing much so I have no idea what alias she’d like – and I prefer giving people the choice of their blog name. So I think I’ll still refer to her as “new friend” until (if) I can suss out what she wants to be called here.

She wrote a sexy, smart, fun ad on craigslist looking for a couple to Dominate her. She sent MasterDoc a picture – and is really cute. And while I so often feed on other people’s insecurities, I didn’t get the feeling from her that she had any issue with what she was doing there with us – and it was easier for me to join in than it usually is. (MasterDoc indicated that on the surface it didn’t look too different, but I really felt a difference in my comfort level.) Also, I worry that cute, young, thin people will look at me, or MasterDoc or DeeDee, and think one or more of us is too old, fat, unattractive, etc. I not only sell myself short, I sell my loved ones short too. (Horrible isn’t it? I mean, if I find them to be fucking hot why don’t I believe others will too?? Again, I buy too into the narrative that says you have to be young, thin, beautiful to be sexy. Dammit Nadia, stop that!)

I actually agreed, pretty easily too, to wear the maid costume yesterday. It seemed like it would fit the situation and indeed it did. DeeDee was in Domme mode and had on a fabulous outfit. (A red and black mesh fishtail sort of skirt and her black corset. Nice!) While there were times when it felt like we were playacting, I think that’s really what we wanted – to fulfill our fantasies. To not be totally “ourselves” the whole time. We clicked well on an “ourselves” level, but we also had great fun indulging our perversions.

As I said earlier, with this woman somehow I picked up that she was keen to fuck and be kinky like I so often am. I didn’t have doubts about her desires like I do around so many women. MasterDoc and DeeDee said they had a hard time reading her and seeing her get aroused initially, but I picked up on the subtle changes in her breathing or reactions. (MasterDoc is usually the master at this, but I guess I just clicked with her in that way a little more.)

MasterDoc got her on the bed and spanked her for a bit. He caned her a little too, something she hadn’t experienced before, and he of course kept it to a minimum. (She also mentioned that her non-kinky boyfriend wouldn’t like seeing her really marked up. He doesn’t get the sense of it being sexy like us kinky freaks do.) At some point he ended up spanking DeeDee and making her come.

We had put the underbed restraints on the bed before she got there, and MasterDoc had me help put her in the restraints. This makes me think back to the first time I played with MasterDoc alone, and I ended up restrained on his living room floor thinking, “Gee, I hope my impressions of him being safe are spot on, or I could be in deep shit!” Thankfully they were spot on, and maybe my presence and the trust I so clearly have for him can help convey this level of safety to other women who come play.

The details of this interlude are fuzzy like intense sexual experiences often are. I know that I used the gigi vibe on her body – teasing her breasts, belly, and pussy. I allowed myself to get into enjoying playing with her, and as a result this was probably far hotter for her than me being shy would have been. I can’t recall if we made her come with the toys just then – or after a short break. MasterDoc left her bound in the bedroom for a few minutes and spoke to DeeDee and I out in the living room. Then he and I went back in.

I went down on her, and I think I’m finally getting over my stupid hangups about giving oral sex to women. It’s so sad that I haven’t let myself enjoy it because I’ve been fed the notion that women’s genitals are “smelly” or “dirty” my whole life. Fuck that. Eating pussy can be really fun and hot.

Perhaps this is when we took over really working her body over – MasterDoc lubed up the gigi and put it inside. I used the magic wand on her clit. We took turns pounding her with our fingers (not an easy thing to do, but she reacted the most to that). Ultimately we made her come as she lay tied down on the bed.

I was feeling patient and secure for once – while I was horny and wanted orgasms I was truly able to trust that MasterDoc would see to me sooner or later. I immersed myself in enjoying the hot perversity going on around me, and didn’t require the focus to be on me.

I teased MasterDoc at one point and he decided to cane me. Once his attention turned to me, he realized that I hadn’t come yet, and before putting our guest on the sybian, he gave me a ride. Yummy! The unyearned for orgasms are sometimes the best – the surprise satisfaction you’re given while you’re being patient and not self-centered. I squirted like a fountain, came violently, and I’m sure impressed our guest. I had to lay down after, and DeeDee was so very kind to clean up for me.

I felt fucking great. It was time to get our guest on the sybian. MasterDoc gave her a ride while DeeDee spanked her (though MasterDoc didn’t think it was hard enough) and pressed against her. (I forgot to mention that DeeDee did the same to me – it was really hot but nearly anything could have been done to me at that point and I would have found it hot.) It took a while, but she came hard and came away from the experience agreeing that the sybian is fucking awesome. She even squirted for the first time!

She and I hung out chatting while DeeDee and MasterDoc ended up in the bedroom again. We could hear DeeDee coming, and while I’m usually an insatiable slut at that point in time I was ready to hang out and chat. That’s the type of friend with benefits I want – one I can hang out with and have intelligent conversation with – not just fucking.

Our new friend had to get going, so we said our goodbyes. I let her know that I hoped she comes back. We’ll see what comes of it. Although MasterDoc is concerned we focused too much on her pleasure and not enough on her use.

A little later, I was still sooooo horny. And this week I’ve only just come to realize that I repress a certain percentage of my horniness because once MasterDoc is done having sex, I figure I should be happy with what he gives me. But this isn’t the smartest move as I’ve started feeling resentful that a man with three girlfriends isn’t giving me as much sex and play as I’d like. It’s truly okay that he sees other women and has fun with them, but my sexual needs aren’t being met 100% – despite sex with MasterDoc being the best fucking sex I have ever had in my life. I’d be thrilled to have even more sex with him, but since he is so very poly, I realize that I need to find another person to help finish meeting my sexual needs. It’s definitely not that MasterDoc is inadequate – I repressed so much because I love him and last thing I want him to feel is inadequate. But like him, I like fucking a variety of people. Plus I’m in my late 30′s and like most women my age I’m phenomenally horny. When he was younger he did some weekends of just fucking, eating, sleeping, repeat, but I don’t think it’s where he is in his life just now. But it’s where I am. And I’ve realized I should find that – the wonderfulness of being poly is that I don’t HAVE to rely on MasterDoc to meet every single little need or desire I have.

So we had a little libido dissonance – MasterDoc was ready to relax after having a whole long sexual interlude. This was not unreasonable. But I was still insanely horny. I still crave a lot more involved and creative sex than he’s been up for lately. (I’m dying for bondage. I seriously need someone to make me feel helpless and come. I was craving intoxication play last night – anything to make me feel helpless. That’s one of my many kinks – feeling helpless and having someone fuck me in that state (when it’s consensual) makes me really, really hot. I want someone to do a big elaborate scene Domming me. I crave this. I don’t crave another D/s relationship – I crave a playpartner. I’m happy with MasterDoc as my Dom. But I want to be doing more.

He likes to make sure I’m satisfied, so he did eventually get in the mood and he fucked me. I loved it. I went to bed so very happy.

(I had a lot of struggle with whether he was doing it just to make me happy. I never want a partner to have sex with me solely because I want it – I’d rather be horny and frustrated than feeling like I pressured someone into something. He had to convince me he WANTED sex too. He just wasn’t starting from the same horny spot I was in.)

Revelations (Of the Feminist and Slut Kind)

Published on June 6, 2010 in anxiety, attraction, bisexuality, emotions, Feminism, foursome, libido, musings, neurosis, random thoughts, sex, sexuality, slut, swinging and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

This is going to be a long entry. Not only did I have hot, kinky sex I want to share with you, I also had some realizations that I’m excited about too. (Ultimately, I’ve decided to make my brains’ masturbation one entry, and the actual sex another.)

I had a wonderful time yesterday – and had some revelations on what polyamory is to me. MasterDoc is poly in the sense that he likes having multiple romantic relationships concurrently. I’m poly in the sense that I prefer having one main emotional, romantic relationship and lots of friends I hang out with and fuck. Neither way is wrong, they’re just two of the many ways a person can be polyamorous. I would certainly feel affection for and care about my fuck buddies, but it would be without the intensity of a full-time relationship. I need a way to get my insane sexual needs/desires met, but I’m not really looking for another relationship. I’ve been going about things all wrong. I’ve been looking on okcupid for a woman to date. I should be looking on craigslist for a woman to FUCK.

I think I hesitate to admit that sort of thing, because then I come across as a stereotypical bisexual woman. But fuck that, I may be a bit of a stereotype at times, but I should go for what I want. (And like most stereotypes, I’m not 100% of the stereotype anyway. I can fall in love with and have a relationship with a woman, but I’d much prefer a female friend who loves to fuck and hang out with me.) I worry that I make other bi women look bad by fitting the stereotype – but there are plenty of bisexual women who can have romantic, emotional relationships with women (monogamous ones even!) but I’m not one who wants that.

Kinda hard to admit what you want is what has been vilified. It’s really hard to know that the lesbians who won’t date bisexual women will look at me and say, “See! She’s why I won’t date bi women!” I am not, however, all bisexual women. I am just me.

Yesterday we had over a woman MasterDoc found on craigslist. Just reading her ad made me think she’s a kindred spirit – and meeting her cemented that. I found myself feeling so excited to meet her, but I didn’t want to show it because while here she told us about a woman who got too clingy and she had to stop seeing because that’s not what she wants. The thing is, I’m so excited about meeting her BECAUSE she doesn’t want a relationship with a woman. To have a partner in crime who is bisexual, horny, kinky and adventurous would be fabulous. She’s smart, has an offbeat sense of humor – definitely the kind of person I want to be friends with. I’m hoping she’d be up for the same, but I realize that I have to be laid back about it lest I come across as wanting more than I actually do. But I would just like to be able to call on her and say, “Hey I have a night alone, want to come over, hang out and fuck?” And if she’s free that night (she does have boyfriend, and I think that should come first just like my relationship with MasterDoc comes first for me) then she can come over, chill out and get freaky.

It was so exciting to have that epiphany. I hold back from dating others for many reasons despite feeling frustrated and like I need more sex and more companionship, and I’ve realized that one of them is that I don’t want another emotionally intense, romantic relationship. I want a fuck buddy, a friend with benefits. Time to re-evaluate my dating strategy.

My other grand epiphany has been developing over the past week or so. We’re all so mired in the “stories” that society tells us, that even progressive feminists can fall prey to the narratives we’re told – despite them not being true. I’m often intimidated by thin women. (And I started feeling that way with our guest – she’s quite slender.) I think that thinness is so beloved in our culture that why would someone who has that want me? But that’s bullshit. I like a lot of different people – and someone being smart, funny and sexually adventurous is FAR MORE important to me than them fitting a societal body ideal. And why the fuck can’t I accept that there are thin women who feel the same way? I have such terrible self-esteem most of the time, that it had never occurred to me before – I am one of those smart, kinky, adventurous, fun people I think are so fucking sexy. Why the hell wouldn’t other people find me sexy? Sure, no one is ever going to be attractive to everyone, but I don’t give myself enough credit for my good points.

At one point I was chatting with our new pal (I’m hoping she’ll come back, she was loads of fun) while MasterDoc played with DeeDee in the next room. And I told her about the realization I had recently through a thread on fetlife and talking to someone on twitter – misogyny and the hatred of women’s bodies is so widespread that thin women deal with tons of shit about their bodies too. In the feminist movement these days we focus a lot on fat positivity, but we often do it in a way that reacts negatively to our sisters who more closely fit the “perfect” body. I forget, however, that the “perfect” body is so fucking specific that even someone who seems to fit it more closely than me can suffer from worries that they’re not the “perfect” one. Sure thinness is desired, but so are big boobs – and plenty of thin women have smaller breasts. We want this “perfect” combination of ultra thin yet curvy – and that’s not a look most people’s bodies fall into naturally. Also, I lose sight of the fact that even if someone does fit this norm, it doesn’t mean they buy into it, it doesn’t mean they can’t like me. Sure, some people are body conscious and only want to fuck other “hot” people, but I can’t assume because a woman is hot that she won’t find me to be very sexy or she can’t struggle with her own sense of body-positivity. (I need to realize this about men too.)

I’ve been so fucked up by the pervasive culture we live in that I have lost sight of these things. And when I told our new pal this yesterday she enthusiastically agreed with me that thin women get all sorts of shit about their bodies too. Misogyny is an attack on women, and part of the attack strategy is to make chubby women think that thin women are the enemy. I’ve often rejected a thin, pretty woman before she had a chance to reject me – and stupidly have ruined chances with women I might have had a great time with. I have no concept of a hot woman wanting to fuck me, but Jesus, aren’t I selling myself short? I’m buying into the societal narrative too much myself.

We had such a wonderful adventure with our new friend yesterday (I keep hoping friend is the right word – it could turn out to be a one-off but I’m hoping it’s not) that it merits its own entry. Coming up next: the hot sex foursome.

Review: Sex: How to do Everything

Published on May 31, 2010 in anal, analingus, bdsm, blow jobs, cunnilingus, fantasy, kink, masturbation, non-monogamy, poly, reviews, sex, sex toys, sexuality and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I received an email a while back asking if I wanted to review [Sex: How to Do Everything] with Em and Lo (Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey). I’ve been familiar with their names since reading their sex column in New York magazine years back. I figured sure, why not review it?

There are ten, roughly 45-minute-long episodes that were filmed for British tv (although their “man on the street” interviews take place in London and New York). It took me ages to sit down and watch them all, but I had some time this weekend to plow through the last 5 episodes. I started the series wondering if it really covered “how to do everything” and you know, it pretty much does. I have only a couple of complaints – first, it’s very heterocentric. While some of the average people they interview are gay or bi, the rest of the show doesn’t acknowledge same sex relationships and experiences. However, lots of the information is general enough that queer couples can learn many things from the series as well if they can overlook all the male/female couplings.

The second thing that bothered me is that in the episode on sex toys they mention phthalates, and that they’re bad for you, but not in what types of materials they’re found. Their “roving reporters” Dougie and Georgie (a M/F couple) go on to review a variety of toys including jelly ones with no mention of their phthalate content.

But those two caveats aside, I think this is a fabulous series. It’s fairly explicit (in the spirit of being educational rather than titillating) and very educational. It’s clearly intended for adults only, but I think this sort of sex-positive series should be featured in high school sex ed classes. Seriously, if more teens saw this then more people would go on to have healthy, safe, and pleasurable sex lives. The tone is always positive, they put in valuable safety warnings – from safer sex to safe BDSM play – and cover a huge territory. They cover furries! They cover BDSM! They cover auto-fellatio! They feature an interracial couple as their main “demo models.” And Dougie and Georgie are attractive yet average – and Georgie’s enthusiasm for sex is wonderful to see. Dougie is a lucky man.

There’s fun features like “dog toy or sex toy” where people are asked to identify a variety of toys, which can get pretty funny. The tone is informative but not boring at all. It approaches sex with a healthy, positive attitude.

The episodes are:

1 – Oral (including a sculptor who casts vulvas as art, Midori giving a very seductive blow job lesson,

a clinical psychologist talking positively about vulvas)

2 – Manual (including hand jobs, masturbation, great anatomy info section on manual stimulation on women, Carol Queen’s masturbate-a-thon)

3 – Orgasm (including g-spot and female ejaculation)

4- Toys

5 – Intercourse

6- Kink (interview with a Domme, Violet Wands, furries)

7 – Anal (including prostate massage. MasterDoc is glad I watched this section! They warn about desensitizing gels, safer sex precautions (like dental dam for rimming) and to use lots and lots of lube)

8 – Fantasy (dress up, role play, striptease, covers UK law on sex in public, porn, abduction fantasy acted out, dogging (acts done in public for others)

9 – Seduction (tantra, striptease/burlesque)

10 – Best of – a compilation of highlights from the series

Unfortunately, the first dvd in my set was a little messed up so a few scenes were unwatchable. But I cannot recommend this series enough – particularly for people who are inexperienced sexually. But even for jaded old sex bloggers like me there were many useful things to learn from the shows.

Oops, I Did It Again

Published on May 4, 2010 in anal, bdsm, blow jobs, cunt, D/s, embarrassment, exhibitionism, horny, humiliation play, kink, masturbation, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, sex, sex parties, sex toys, sexuality, slut, spanking, submissive and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

It had been nearly a week since we had been together. I wrote some erotica over the weekend that made me stop and masturbate in the middle of writing it. I was so incredibly wet that afternoon. I should write erotica more often as I really enjoyed putting together this last one. Right now my sexual theme seems to be about mental sex more than the physical, so writing out a fantasy can be nearly as fulfilling as doing it. (Nearly. Not quite.) I’m getting better and better at working myself up mentally when I’m thinking about MasterDoc.

I did some of this last night while he went off to use the restroom after we arrived at the club. I watched some porn that I could see from the next room, and I thought about how slutty it was that I wore a perfectly presentable dress out to the club with no panties. I think in a way it’s hotter to be wearing a dress that makes you look like a 1950′s housewife when you’re out slutting around than wearing slutty clothes. Slutty clothes are so predictable. I want to seem like the girl next door whose perverse desires have taken away her inhibitions.

When MasterDoc came back and lay down with me, all it took was a few words and some gentle touches before I was breathing heavy and wanting to come. He threatened me with the scenario of doing a piss scene in public and having other random men piss on me too. He knows that this is something that will set up a struggle within me. I will feel like I’m sick and sorta bad to want something like that, but I do want it and it’s really hot to want to do something that’s just so out there and so wrong. Just by threatening me with these scenes he arouses me tremendously. And that’s where the idea of mental sex comes in. His fucking with my mind can be hotter than just physical stimulation. I’m always glad for the physical to follow and finish off the deal, but foreplay using my brain is just so fucking hot. Being a submissive, for me, is rooted in wanting to be stimulated mentally, in enjoying the way he plays with my brain as much as the way he plays with my cunt.

He toyed with my body a bit. My cunt was quite accessible with just a lift of my dress. I didn’t take the dress off all night despite all that I got up to. I find that I start leaning into him and feeling like I’m being pulled into his center of gravity or something. I can’t get enough of his touch, his voice, his breathing, his skin, his cock. He had me suck his cock for a while, and I got lost in doing it. It was such a turn on to suck his cock, and then again a turn on to think how it must turn him on that I genuinely love sucking his cock.
He had me get out a condom and get on top. After working myself up over the weekend through my story and all the anticipation of seeing him yesterday, I was unfettered by inhibitions. I rode his cock, moaning at how it felt good. He would thrust up into me and I’d get lost in the feelings of arousal. If I started to become aware of my surrounding again, he’d fuck harder and then I’d be lost in the sensation. Sex with him can be so overwhelming that I truly lose track of all that’s around me. But then, blocking out the people watching, who I love having watch, helps me deal with feeling so terribly slutty about wanting to have people watch.

I rode him for quite a while, and finally begged him to let me come. He let me and it was amazing. I rode him furiously until I was spent and we both needed a rest and something to drink. I felt great after. I think he did as well.

After some rest, he had me suck his cock some more. Once hard, he had me get on hands and knees and use a vibrator on myself. (I used the Gigi on my clit.) He paddled my ass a bit and fucked me from behind. I’m not sure how many people were watching as I made a point of turning my head away from the door. His cock stayed hard for what seemed like an eternity. I was senseless from the fucking and eventually had to beg to come again. I was a sweaty mess, hair tangled in my hand, as I came and came, pressing my face into the bed. He kept me coming for so long I wasn’t sure I could physically handle it after a while.

After I had rested a little, he let another guy touch me. I hadn’t seen this guy at all, I had no idea who it was. But being MasterDoc’s slut was such a tremendous turn on for me – it didn’t matter who it was, what mattered was that I was being groped and fingered for his pleasure. The guy fingered me to orgasm while I continued to use the Gigi on my clit. MasterDoc spoke about what a slut I was while he was doing it, and he handed the guy a condom so he could fuck me. Damn. Having a faceless fuck who my Dom picked out was so fucking hot. It got me really worked up and I came some more.

In yet another act of incredible sluttitude, the guy lubed up my ass and put it in, and I figured that MasterDoc surely saw what was going on and was okay with it. And when this guy’s cock entered my ass and it felt a little underlubed, I got off on getting roughly ass fucked by some stranger under my Dom’s control. The funny thing is, afterward he acted surprised that I was fucked up the ass, although this time he did know it was going on. (Remember last time something similar happened?) We had to teach the guy not to put his dick back in my pussy after, however, without changing condoms. (It really is dismaying how little people know about sex, and how things like ass-to-pussy is a no-no.)

I was spent and MasterDoc could tell so he had the guy stop fucking me. I lay there getting my breath back. I wanted to cuddle, but I was truly too tired to shift over a foot or two to reach MasterDoc. Instead, I reached out and played with “the spot” on his chest from afar. He came over to me when I spoke up that I wanted a cuddle, but couldn’t move.

You would think after all this I would be done for the night. But no, I was still horny. MasterDoc fucked me again, this time with him on top. I loved cracking open my eyes to look up into his when I could manage it. I am so hot for him.

We got drinks after the last round (need to rehydrate!) and snacked a bit (fucking makes me hungry). I was still feeling like a horny slut but MasterDoc clearly was ready to go. So I dialed down my horniness and prepared to leave.

At the last minute, a couple of Hasidm came in and MasterDoc mumbled something about how we have to do a show for them before we go. (His ex once said that his ultimate fantasy would be to have sex in Macy’s window. You know, the one in downtown New York City….) He sat on a sofa in the common area, put a pillow on the floor for me, and had me suck his cock for all to see. I really fucking enjoyed it. I realize that this is the sort of thing that gets women shunned from our uptight, puritanical, American society (see what happened recently to sex blogger The Beautiful Kind) – but I am a woman who loves sex. I do fear that being so open about this fact on the blog could result in something like what happened to TBK, but I hope that by being open I can move along society and create more people who realize that being into sex doesn’t make someone dirty, bad, undesirable or less of a worker. Talking about sex doesn’t make me any less of a professional librarian. Having lots of sex doesn’t make me any less of a professional either.

Being Promiscuous Doesn’t Necessarily Mean I Will Fuck You

Published on January 27, 2010 in anger, blogs, cybersex, musings, photos, sexuality, slut, stupid people and Uncategorized. 11 Comments

Around the sex blogosphere the past few days there’s been articles being written on how being a lady sex blogger seems to encourage some rather unsavory types to harass the women writing these blogs. Here’s just a few (some of the posts have more links):

I blog about sex. That is not an invitation. by Epiphora

Same Shit, Different Site by Britni

What Not to Say by Dangerous Lilly

Just Because I’m a Woman by SarahBear

While SarahBear talked more about harassment she’s received just for being a woman, this line stood out to me: “The men they are encountering assume that just because they review sex toys, write erotica and participate in a sex positive community that they are promiscuous.”

Certainly, this is a stupid assumption. Being sex positive, writing about sex or using sex toys does not necessarily mean you’re promiscuous. However I want to make the point here that even if I am promiscuous, I do not owe you a date, a fuck, a blow job, naked pictures, cybersex, etc.

I am a slut. I am not ashamed of this. I have fucked many people. I love writing about sex and discussing it. I love putting up sexy photos of myself. While I will often be patient with very personal questions on formspring in the spirit of talking openly about sex, I do get creeped out and annoyed when someone seems to be insinuating that I would want to do any particular activities with them (especially when they’re asking anonymously). There’s a fine line between curiosity about the various sexual things I’ve done and hitting on me in a creepy and overtly sexual fashion. A recent question and my answer:

Do you like being called nasty names? do you like your pussy slapped? your face slapped?

These questions are curious coming from a totally anonymous person. While I do enjoy these activities, I don’t enjoy them with everyone. In fact, the only man who has permission to do these things to me is MasterDoc.

I can’t help but think that rather than curiosity this person is looking for masturbation material or an indication that I would let them do these things to me. (I mean, if you read my blog at all you would know the general answer to these questions. Plus there’s already plenty of masturbation material here.) I don’t mind if someone gets off reading my accounts of things I’ve done. I’d be stupid and naive to think people don’t do that. But just because you’ve had a hot little wank session thinking about me does not mean I want to a) know/hear about it or b) make it real with you. I will often answer questions like I did the one above, getting specific that just because I’m into an activity, doesn’t mean I’d do it with just anyone.

would u liked to be fucked so rough and abused that u were sore the next day?

Yes, but by MasterDoc.

Being a slut does not mean I have to fuck everyone who’s interested in me or everyone who asks. I am a human being first and foremost and I have the option of turning down any and every potential sexual partner for whatever reason I deem appropriate. I do not owe anyone a cybersex session just because they’re turned on by my pictures or words. I tend to get really annoyed when someone tries to cyber with me without even asking if I want to. Most of the time when I’m online I’m either at work, or relaxing in the evening, and totally not in the mindset to talk dirty with a complete stranger. I’d appreciate being asked if I’m interested and for you to take my “no” graciously and back the fuck off. I’m not a fan of cybersex. And should I actually talk sex with you one time, doesn’t mean I’m obligated to do it again.

This all seems to go back to the sexist idea that women’s bodies and sexuality are public property. Let me clarify for you: No one has rights to my body or sexuality unless I give them permission. Yes, even MasterDoc had to get my permission before I submitted to him and gave him so much control over me and my sexuality. I reserve the right to take away permission from anyone at any time. If I say no, I mean no – not “try harder.” The best way to get my attention is to treat me with respect and be an interesting, intelligent person. Just because you promise to do things to me that I usually find erotic doesn’t mean I will let you. I’m more creeped out than turned on by some completely anonymous person talking about what they want to do to me sexually (or someone I don’t know doing the same). It makes me feel like the future target of a sexual assault, not sexy and desirable. Just because you feel like you know me from reading this blog doesn’t mean I know a thing about you or have any reason to feel comfortable or safe talking dirty with you.

Even though I will fuck random strangers at clubs while out with MasterDoc, this does not mean I will fuck anyone. The men I fuck are chosen carefully by myself and/or MasterDoc. I do not owe anyone a fuck just by virtue of being a slut. The biggest reason I’d turn down someone? Feeling unsafe.

Review: KinkAcademy.com

Published on December 5, 2009 in bdsm, kink, reviews, sex and sexuality. 1 Comment

So often, sexual websites are overpriced. It’s no wonder that blogs and free porn sites are so popular – in the internet age who wants to pay for sex? However, I have found a site that is worth the price of admission: kinkacademy.com.

Kink Academy isn’t a porn site, but a site filled with informational and instructional videos about sex and kink. The videos are divided into Basic, Intermediate and Advanced – thereby providing information for everyone, no matter their level of experience. Among the many featured topics are bondage, communication, Dominance/submission, edgeplay, fetishes, gender, health, safety, humiliation, service and protocol, sex toys, and sex ed 101. I received a free month’s access in order to review the site, but I think the monthly price of $9.95 is totally worth it. They post new videos regularly (five times a week according to the site) and the videos are presented by experienced sex and kink educators such as Megan Andelloux, Princess Kali (founder of the site), Cecelia Tan, British “Lucky” Paul, Sarah Sloane, and more.

You can watch and re-watch videos in the privacy of your own home. This site would be particularly excellent for those who are just starting to explore kink and want to know more. There’s even basic male and female anatomy videos to get you up to speed with all the lovely features of the human body and videos on condoms, lube, the g-spot, etc. The videos are short and to the point, but provide a wealth of information. I think the fact that you can view these at your convenience and in privacy is more than worth the $9.95 a month.

Even though the basic videos are mostly old hat to an experienced pervert like me, there are higher-level videos and videos on things I’ve never tried such as medical play, fire play, or rope bondage (MasterDoc tells me that he cannot master rope bondage no matter how many times he’s tried). You can explore new things without putting yourself into the position of actually trying them – and you may discover something you never know you’d be into! Even when a kink isn’t my kink, I find it interesting to learn about it and try to understand why others are attracted to it.

I’d like to see videos on needle play, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before they cover that and other kinks. I definitely recommend Kink Academy.

Kinky Librarian Book Review: As She’s Told by Anneke Jacob

Published on November 21, 2009 in bdsm, bondage, D/s, dom, fantasy, kink, reviews, sadism, sexuality and submissive. 0 Comments

A couple of months ago, an email arrived in my inbox from an author, Anneke Jacob, asking if I’d be interested in reviewing her book on my blog. Since it was a bdsm book I thought, why not? I hadn’t heard of the author before, but it turns out that As She’s Told is her second book (the first being Owned and Owner) and that it won the 2008 National Leather Association Pauline Réage Novel Award.

As She’s Told is the story of Anders and Maia – a couple who first become aware of each other in an online chat room for kinksters and later meet at a local munch in Toronto (like many kinksters, they are introduced by a mutual acquaintance). What draws Anders and Maia together is their mutual desire for a truly 24/7 total power exchange (TPE) relationship. They don’t want just the illusion that he’s in charge, they both want for him to truly be in charge and her to be enslaved.

Their relationship starts off gradually, and like any good Dom he makes sure things like her studies (to be an information professional – yes, a librarian!) are given priority. The book is realistic in that Maia isn’t instantly able to submit easily to all of Anders’ orders, but it follows her struggles in making her desire to be a slave real.

Interspersed in the text are IM conversations between Anders and his also kinky cousin Karl in Denmark. (Anders is Danish.) Karl is also a Dom, but one who’s in a Dom/Domme relationship. I like that various other kinksters interested in various types and levels of bdsm relationships are included. Anders and Maia are unique in the extent of the relationship they want, but other kinksters around them, like Val the lesbian dominant who works for Anders’ construction business, can relate on some levels, even if the relationship that develops between Anders and Maia is not what they’d want. There’s even a colleague/friend of Anders’ who appears a couple of times who is into kink, but whose wife isn’t and so he contains his desires and merely lives vicariously through others. There are certainly kinksters who choose to repress their kinky selves in order to make a vanilla relationship with someone they love work. While reading the novel, however, the fact that these various “types” are depicted is pretty subtle. It doesn’t knock you over the head with – “and here’s another type of bdsmer!”

Eventually, Maia moves in with Anders into a house that he’s worked on himself. He’s made sure that wiring and such is up to code to make the fact that she will be locked and chained in the house regularly a safer prospect. Indeed, he thinks carefully about a variety of scenarios and does what he can to ensure her safety. He’s also soundproofed the place and installed cameras so he can watch her from his computer at work when he’s not home. Anders encourages Maia to have a part time job in an information centre, but her commute to and from work is monitored so that if she’s late she is punished for not making sure she got home right away. He has her in a leather harness every day, and she is very much aware of her bound status underneath her clothes. He gradually gets her to the point where she’s in a chastity belt and her orgasms are strictly controlled. The text goes back and forth from Maia’s personal view (where we get to see her struggles and happiness) and the third-person omniscient view of Anders and the rest of the characters.

I think that the novel is hot, and I like the realism in its presentation of a 24/7 relationship. I think that while 24/7 TPE is a fantasy for some, the reality takes so much careful work and consideration that it’s not feasible for many. While TPE is not my fantasy, I can still relate to the internal struggles to behave and please your dominant. I can relate to how hot and horny Maia would get when in bondage, objectified or beaten. The relationship progresses steadily and by the end of the book Maia gets to feel dehumanized and objectified completely. I had a little discomfort reading this, only because it’s not what turns my crank. People whose kink is objectification/dehumanization will totally love it. (And Maia and Anders are happy.)

Maia and Anders seem real. I was quickly involved in their developing relationship. He is a strict but loving Master and the relationship blossoms into something they’ve both only dreamed of. While he’s a sadist, he does clearly love and cherish her. The journey they share into the M/s dynamic is engaging. If you’re into power exchange, no matter what level of it, you will enjoy this book. It’s not surprising that Jacob’s writing won the Pauline Réage Novel Award.

As She’s Told by Anneke Jacob is available from Pink Flamingo Publications, PO Box 632, Richland, MI 49083.

While I received this novel for free for reviewing purposes, I was not expected to give any particular sort of review. The views expressed here are my honest opinion, and I received no other benefits for this review other than a copy of the book.

Double Fuck Sunday

Published on October 5, 2009 in blow jobs, cunnilingus, cunt, dating, masturbation, non-monogamy, poly, sex, sex toys, sexuality, slut and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

With MasterDoc away my kink life has slowed down considerably. But I haven’t exactly been sex-free. Despite back problems the past few days (Pinched nerve. Owie.) I did manage to get laid yesterday…. twice.

I had my first date with Shane in a while. We basically hang out, have sex and watch dvds. And you know, I’m a woman of simple tastes and this makes me perfectly happy. Despite being a little loopy and sleepy on vicodin for my back, it was easy to get me in the mood with just a few passionate kisses. I suggested we go into the bedroom as laying down would be easier on my back than sitting on the couch. We stripped our clothes off – there’s no pretensions of propriety here – and climbed in bed. He slid his hand between my legs almost immediately. He toyed with my clit and then bent over to lick my pussy. While I can sometimes have a hard time coming from oral these days, I came really hard and quite quickly. His hard cock was calling to me, so I leaned over while he still went down on me and I took his cock in my mouth.

I just love sucking cock when it’s so clearly appreciated. While I wasn’t bad to begin with, MasterDoc’s training me to his preferences has resulted in me being even better at fellatio. Next Shane fucked me from behind, and I came over and over and over again. Eventually he asked if I was exhausted yet, and I had to say, “Yes!” But in typical fashion I was going to take as much as I could and come as many times as possible before crying “uncle.” The vicodin must have relaxed my muscles a bit, because my cunt didn’t clamp down as hard as usual, despite my coming quite hard.

We lay down to relax briefly, and then I went back to sucking his cock. It would be quite rude, don’t you think, to leave him in that state after he had made me come, oh, about a million times? I sucked and stroked his cock with my hand. I’d look up at him seductively from time to time. I tried to keep up a fast pace with the mouth/hand combo but my mouth started to get tired. I hate that. So I switched to my hand and could tell he was getting close. I supported my wrist with my other hand and tried my damndest to keep going until he came. But my recently sprained wrist couldn’t hold out and I ended up stopping at precisely the wrong time. “You suck!” he cried out a few times. I apologized profusely as I hated to stop at such a critical moment, but I just couldn’t physically go on.

He took over with his hand and I lent my mouth for some more stimulation. I tweaked his nipples and stroked his inner thighs. When he was about to come, he lowered my face down to his cock so he could come on my face. He shot a large load of cum on my left cheek. I found some tissues and cleaned up. We lay there for a while, resting, until I got hungry enough to go get us the snacks I had picked up. We retired to the living room to eat, watch Family Guy and hang out.

Then, at home last evening, Davey gave me that look that says, “Let’s do it” and I could hardly say no when he probably knew/assumed that I had had sex with Shane. So he gave me a quick back rub which led into more stroking and caressing. He made me come and I kept stroking my clit even after. I asked him to fuck me, and he said I needed to suck him for a while first. I did and got him hard, and then he took me from behind as I used my bullet vibe on my clit. I came a bit, and managed to push his cock out, unfortunately. He fingered me to another orgasm, then went back to fucking me. He didn’t quite manage to come (thank you stupid vaginal muscles from hell!) but then he knelt and stroked his cock while I played with his ass, thighs, chest, etc. And eventually, he came.

I think this was the busiest day I’ve had in a while. I was quite satisfied after, but I do miss my kink.

Suck

Published on September 22, 2009 in blow jobs, cunnilingus, cunt, dating, non-monogamy, sex toys, sexuality, shio and squirting. 2 Comments

So while I’ve been struggling with depression, it’s not like every waking second is spent in utter misery. I have ups and downs. Spending time with Shane last night was a definite up. I still feel shaky emotionally, but spending time with someone who clearly likes me and who is affectionate helps a lot.

We watched a lot of Family Guy. It was my idea but he likes the show a lot too. I used the dvr to put the show on pause when we started getting frisky. You have to remember, I haven’t had sex with Shane in weeks (and I’m the only woman he’s seeing at the moment) – ever since I pissed MasterDoc off by being too busy getting nooky with Shane to pay attention to his phone calls for assistance. Shane and I had a couple of chaste dates – which were quite enjoyable – and then a third, unexpected meeting when I was panicking during my gall stone attack and couldn’t reach my other gentlemen. He offered to go to the hospital with me and I took him up on his kind offer. With Shane proving that he’s a good guy, MasterDoc decided that yes, we can count the hospital visit as the third date before I was allowed to have sex with him again.

But then I was blue a week or so ago and canceled on him. He was very understanding. Last night I thought about canceling due to my mood, but I’m really glad I didn’t. We cuddled a bit. He avoided kissing me since he feels like he’s coming down with a cold. Then he asked if I would suck his cock. Oh my, yes! So I started blowing him and a short while in he asked if I would be so kind as to kneel in front of him as he sat on the couch and look up at him as I sucked his cock. Ever the obliging type I did so, even finding a way to be comfortable on the floor giving head with my bum wrist in a brace.

I sucked him in, down as far as I could. I made love to his cock with my mouth. While my wrist was out of commission my mouth certainly worked! I would look up into his eyes and I could tell that the seductive glances I gave him as I licked his cock added to his enjoyment of the blow job. He made lots of happy noises and I hoped that I could get him to come. I don’t have him come in my mouth at this point in time – it’s not something I do with everyone I sleep with. But he has a total fetish for coming on women’s faces, and that I could easily oblige.

As he got more excited, he took over stroking his cock. I would hold my tongue out and he’d rub the head against my tongue and lips. I’d suck now and then, and we kept working his cock over. I was happy to have his cock rubbing against my lips. I felt sexy instead of depressed. Finally he was about to come and I closed my mouth and he shot – not quite on my face. A strand of come hit my nose but otherwise it landed on his belly. Still, he was a very happy man.

As I sucked him, I realized: I felt worthless all weekend but damn, I’m good at sucking cock! Now, I know general wisdom would be – “Oh you poor woman, you only feel valued when you’re having sex!” But it’s not really like that. First of all, when I’m not suffering from depression I realize I am good at many things. I’m intelligent, educated, funny, etc. But in looking to regain my confidence, giving a hell of a blow job certainly helped. And I thought to myself, why is it that being skilled at giving pleasure to another human is looked down upon? In the fantasy novels I’m reading lately, a courtesan is a holy job. Giving sexual pleasure to people is not to be looked down upon! Why have we gotten so twisted with our ideas about sex that being good at it is looked upon as sad in some way?

We relaxed for a bit and as I still felt a bit in a mental funk I didn’t show any eagerness for him to reciprocate. He said he likes to make sure that “everyone gets cookies” in an evening, but if I didn’t want it that was fine too. Oh no, I said, I want cookies too.

I got naked and we went into the bedroom. I put down a towel under my ass (over the pillow) and when looking for condoms I found my Wahl 7 -in-1 vibrator. Nice. I kept that out. We chatted and giggled and acted silly for a while – but once he started licking my clit I got in the mood. He went down on me for a while, I pulled my labia back at one point so he could get in contact with my clit better.

“Did I tell you to do that? I’m not done teasing you.” Oh well, okay. I tend to be very goal-oriented where orgasms are concerned. I tried to lay back and just enjoy being aroused by his mouth. After he teased me with his lips and tongue for a good long while, he switched on the Wahl and started using it on my pussy. When he got to my clit, oh did it feel good. He held it there and soon I came, hard. And… he kept holding the vibrator to my clit. Shit. I kept coming, hard. One orgasm after the other. I’m not sure how long he kept me coming for, but it felt like a long time. Probably wasn’t all *that* long but when your body is involved in intense sensation and reactions like that a little time feels like a long time. I squirted a few times and soaked the towel underneath my ass.

I felt markedly less depressed after orgasm. MasterDoc has noticed this is usually true. I need a personal orgasm-slave to have around at all times to get me off when I’m depressed. Doing it myself isn’t quite the same.

We watched some more Family Guy, and then he got going. I went to sleep not long after.