Friday night we had something we so rarely have – bad sex. Perhaps bad isn’t the right term for it, but for whatever reason I couldn’t get into it. He was in a rough mood and wanted to cane me, but, quite unusually, I wasn’t in a rough mood. (When this discrepancy in mood occurs it’s usually the other way around.) We played, but I had a hard time getting wet and wasn’t anywhere near coming while he fucked me. It’s such a strange experience the few times this sort of thing has occurred. MasterDoc told me not to worry about it, and for once I managed pretty well to not worry. After all, if someone else was asking my advice on the same topic, I’d tell them not to worry as sometimes things just don’t click sexually. It doesn’t mean anything ominous. We all have “off” nights. Considering how much fantastic sex we have the few times it’s not fantastic are barely remarkable.

I had a girl date the next day with a woman who contacted me on a dating site. She’s poly, identifies as bi but hasn’t done much (if any) dating women yet. We met at a small restaurant in Manhattan (that describes pretty much every restaurant in Manhattan) and had gluhwein – mulled, spiced wine. It was so yummy. I’ve looked up recipes but my lazy ass hasn’t gotten the ingredients together yet. The restaurant was quirky and the food was mostly French or German. I wasn’t sure how the date was going until she brought up my allergy to cats and she mentioned unfortunately she and her husband have two. She said she’d like me to be able to come over to her place sometime though. I grinned broadly. I told her that my level of allergic reaction does vary from cat to cat, and some cause only minimal distress. It wouldn’t hurt to try. The goodbye was my usual hug and air smooch by her cheek. I nearly worked up the chutzpah to kiss her properly just before we parted ways, but it ended up a slightly awkward moment, as I think a moment too late she realized I was trying to go in for an extra goodbye.

I think I need a theme song that will play here on any post where I do the lesbian sheep dance (see paragraph 8 on at the link). Any ideas? I like to think of Joan Jett’s “AC/DC” as my general theme song.

I enjoyed Saturday night with MasterDoc. I’m happy to report the sex was totally different than the night before. We tried the neon wand again, since it seemed pretty weak the first time. I say it’s no substitute for a violet wand really, but it can hurt, so as a toy in its own right I liked it. Not to mention it’s far cheaper than a violet wand. (This makes me think of MasterDoc’s pointing out that there’s a “Dom arms race” on – it seems like dominant men keep acquiring more and more impressive, expensive toys to try to outdo the others. His big purchase was the sybian.

I wore my wrist cuffs which we’ve been doing more of lately. I was over the moon when he decided to cuff my hands above my head, attached to the bed frame. This sort of thing turns me on so much! I have been trying to get him to do things like this for a while. (Maybe next will be a little physical struggle or pushing me up against a wall?) His bed is a large silver frame that looks like so many pipes joined together. It’s ideal for bondage. I’ve tried to get MasterDoc to try this for a long time, but he’s usually not fond of bondage because he wants me to be able to do all sorts of things to him.

We worked around it though. He tormented me with the neon wand for a while, threatening to put it inside my cunt. This panicked me slightly – it was a great mind fuck. I begged him, “Please, please Sir, don’t do that! Please!” I’m sure my wiggling and begging were a delight to him. He pointed out that it’s when the wand is slightly away from flesh that it sparks, and being in constant contact like it would be inside me it probably wouldn’t hurt at all.

He surveyed my position and wondered aloud if he could hold himself in position over my head long enough to get his ass licked. He decided he wouldn’t be able to hold it long enough to make it worthwhile. I’m glad he moved on to a plan b and came over to stick his cock in my mouth.  He also lifted up his balls so I could lick them, and he seemed to enjoy even just resting his balls on my face while he stroked his cock.

He fucked me, and it was so hot to know I couldn’t get away. I realized that’s sorta silly since I wouldn’t try to get away anyway! But the helplessness is hot. He fucked me and it was like extra stimulation to have my wrists bound. I came like crazy. Since my arms weren’t free I couldn’t use them to  hold my legs up. I worked muscles I don’t usually to keep them up. He made me come repeatedly and I held my legs up without support for much longer than I thought I would be able to do. I had a goofy grin on my face after.

Bad Sex, A Date, Neon Wand, and Bondage originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on December 4, 2011.

MasterDoc and I had some wonderful scenes before he went away to Dark Odyssey Summer Camp with DeeDee for the weekend. I’m the lazy person who didn’t take notes right after. He caned me, because I was in the midst of premenstrual dysphoric disorder week. It is amazing how much better I feel after a good hard caning! I felt great, until the next morning when the endorphins wore off and my biochemical issues reared their ugly head again. Still, some relief is better than no relief. Truly. I wish I remembered more details, because at the time I thought how awesome the sex was. I don’t mean to brag, I’m just very lucky.

An old flame from a couple of years back has reappeared – Shane. Back in 2009, I enjoyed dating him for a few months. He was kind enough to drive all the way back to my area (after just having driven home from seeing me) when I had such bad stomach pain that I needed to go to the emergency department. That night was when I was finally diagnosed with gallstones and a few weeks after I had surgery to remove my gallbladder. (I’ve been happier and pain-free since.) But despite our not dating for long, he came, met me there and sat with me for a few hours into the wee hours of the morning. He kept me company while I vomited and wished the injection of morphine would take effect. In other words, he showed himself to be a very nice guy. He drove me home when I was released and headed home himself (for the second time!) to get some sleep.

A month or two later, our contact became sporadic, and during one IM conversation he told me he had had a car accident and hurt his back. Yikes. He pretty much disappeared after that. I didn’t feel any ill will, I just figured it was one of those things that petered out on its own. Several weeks ago, I was surprised to get a message from him on facebook. He wanted to reconnect, find out how I’m doing, etc. He didn’t assume we’d just start dating or fucking again. But we made plans to hang out, because as I said, I had liked the guy and felt no ill will when he drifted away. Turns out he was busy dealing with all sort of stressful stuff – his business being chief among them. He didn’t have time for relationships.

So with a lag of 2 years in between, I seem to be seeing him again. We hung out last night. He hadn’t assumed we’d fuck but I sure did. *grin* It was awesome. I still like spending time with him every bit as much as I did before. He should have a bit more free time now since his business is doing well, so he promises not to be a stranger for two years again. He has one of my favorite combinations – a nice, respectful guy who is kinky and dominant. Does a subby (hetero or bi) woman need much else? We’re close in age so we share some pop culture references that MasterDoc doesn’t necessarily have. My age difference with MasterDoc doesn’t have much impact on my love or how much I enjoy being with him. But now and then I want to wax poetic about some 80′s band and he’s not the one to do it with.

It’s funny, because while I’ve gotten lots of messages from guys who seem interesting on the usual dating site I inhabit, I’ve been feeling more introverted, as well as just tired of meeting new people. Shane showed up at a perfect time when spending time with a known quantity is more appealing for me than the stress of getting to know someone from scratch.

I can hear MasterDoc now, saying “Phooey” when he finds that while I’ve blogged it’s mostly about another guy. It’s just that there’s only so many ways I can call him wonderful, sexy, domly, etc. I can only gush about loving him, loving being his submissive (most of the time), and the hot sex so many times.

Catching Up (But Not with Depeche Mode) originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on September 18, 2011.

I’ve spent significant amounts of time at MasterDoc’s since I met him 4 years ago. DeeDee moved in a little over a year ago when she lost her job and wanted to look for work in New York. It was meant to be temporary. Despite being highly educated (MBA!) and capable, a suitable job offer hasn’t come her way. But this works out because she takes up a bit more housework, whereas I do less housework, but contribute more financially since I’m working. Each of us contributes in the ways we currently can. I hate cooking, she doesn’t mind, so she cooks and I clean up after dinner.

It’s a shame that this is considered highly unusual. I don’t feel I can tell my co-workers, for example, about my very happy home life. I have to pretend I’m simply moving in with my boyfriend. And as far as they know I’ve only dated him several months – Davey was my “official” boyfriend for a long time and I’m not out as poly at work – so after my breakup with him last year I waited several months before mentioning someone “new”.

I’ve told both my parents about poly. My dad seems totally weirded out. We’ll see how it goes when I tell him that MasterDoc’s “other girlfriend” lives with us. Hopefully, when he sees how happy I am and what a lovely place I live in, he will manage to deal with the strangeness of the situation. My dad is old-fashioned in many ways, but he wants to see me happy and stable. He helped me weather my teenage depression more than my mom. (She usually contributed to it.) He respects my agency as an adult and loves me. My Mom? She doesn’t quite “get” poly but she’s supportive of my choices.

DeeDee says that people’s top question when they hear about our situation is – where do you all sleep? MasterDoc’s apartment has three bedrooms, and each of us has our own. DeeDee and I trade off sleeping with MasterDoc, and sometimes he just wants to sleep alone. Luckily, I like sleeping alone so it’s not a hardship when I do so. And if one of us is having a rough time and want to sleep with him this is arranged – and always without drama. When both of them are away, I usually sleep in MasterDoc’s bed as I find it comforting.

My room is in disarray as MasterDoc cleans out his things (except the fax, modem, wireless router, etc. all that will stay there) and I gradually move my things over. We’re in the process of combining the household items I have and what they have. I have to get my stuff out of my current apartment by the end of the month. It’s a little nerve-wracking not to be more packed. I look forward to setting up my room as “my” space. Having your own space is important. I’ve never been someone who wants to spend every waking moment with my partner. (It often seems like I do to MasterDoc, probably because he’s extremely poly in nature and likes to spend a lot of time with a variety of people. I tend to gravitate towards smaller groups and a bit less variety.)

I love DeeDee like a best friend and I’m thrilled to have her to talk to on a regular basis. I feel incredibly fortunate to have found this situation (or it found me) – and frustrated that I can’t shout about it from the rooftops. While I’m not officially moved in, I have spent most of the past few months here. I only stop in to my apartment to check mail or pick up things I need. Most of my wardrobe is in the closet here already. DeeDee made sure I had my own dresser to store things in many months ago.

When MasterDoc and I were fooling around earlier this week, he gushed a little about us three living happily ever after. It’s adorable when Doms gush. But the fact is, we’re all really happy to be forming a little family. I hope we DO live happily ever after.

And They Lived Happily Ever After originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on August 12, 2011.

Last Wednesday I had a night alone with MasterDoc and he put the easier nipple clamps on (i.e., not clover clamps). I got into the pain. It wasn’t as unbearable as the clover clamps. He pinched and twisted them, too and placed the clamps’ chain between my teeth. The problem with that was I had to hold my head up off the pillow to reach the chain and a sore neck was not the intention.

I should mention that MasterDoc is a considerate Dom. If I speak up about something I’d like more of than we’ve been doing, he will take my wishes under consideration – and often the item at hand will come up in our sex soon after. The nipple play was a recent request – I’m not sure why that became something he didn’t really do for a while. Such things happen. I’ve also mentioned that I love his talking dirty to me. He did that on Wednesday and said he liked having my body to play with. I just swooned into his arms. He very nearly could have made me come there.

My neck was bothering me, and my body sore and tired from exercise and a long day, so we shifted to me using the Siri vibe on myself since needed to lay flat for a while. MasterDoc touched me to add that fabulous element to my masturbation, but in some respects he was too gentle. I missed the raw dirty talk he had been giving me just a short time before. That night, I had a hard time with getting and staying aroused. I blame the fatigue. I did come. Just not the way I usually do.

He fucked from on top with the blindfold on and while I suppose I often find that hot, I found that not being able to see him reduced my arousal. Phooey. As I’ve said, these things happen.

He fucked me doggy style next. Again I had problems getting and staying aroused. But he managed to push me to orgasm before we were through. Sometimes the push was verbal – yay more dirty talk! Finally, I helped him come via massaging his thighs and ass, then licked his asshole like he likes and finally finished things off with a prostate massage.

It’s kinda funny now to think that analingus was a hard limit when I filled in a bdsm checklist when I first met MasterDoc.

Saturday night we had fabulous sex that lifted me from the mild depression I was in. I didn’t take notes. My sieve-like brain can’t remember details. Yeah I suck. But the sex was awesome and you will just have to trust me. Unfortunately, when we went back to hanging out after the sex my mildly depressed and rather withdrawn mood returned. Ordinarily there would have been another round, but I felt so tired from the depression that I wasn’t up to it.

On Sunday, we had over another Dom who contacted MasterDoc on fetlife after reading my profile where I say that if a Dom wants to play with me, they should contact my Dom as it’s his decision. This was perfect timing since we’ve come to realize that I need someone to play with so I get enough sex – and that totally vanilla sex probably wouldn’t work for me for an ongoing fuck buddy situation. I have a high sex drive, and while MasterDoc certainly does too, he likes variety and dates or fucks various women so his high libido is shared with many.

Well this other Dom is a very attractive guy, in his 40s, and really into rough sex and being down and dirty.  I don’t usually go for athletic builds (it’s not on my list of must have criteria in a man, though it’s certainly not a deal breaker or anything) but I have to say I do appreciate the lean, muscled body this Dom has developed. He has experience wrestling and uses it to good effect in a bdsm setting. But perhaps I’m jumping ahead…..

MasterDoc had me sitting on floor at his feet when “another Dom” came in. (I need a pseudonym for him.) DeeDee answered the door in her sexy maid’s outfit – I find the maid outfit embarrassing on me, but DeeDee loves the theatricality of it.

We talked for a bit – mostly he and MasterDoc – and then MasterDoc indicated we should adjourn to the bedroom. I don’t get MFM threesomes often, and damn I enjoy them. MasterDoc had me start off by sucking his cock. During this he invited the guy over to grab my ass. (I was in a bra and sexy black slip.)  The other guy slapped my ass – hard! He seems to have a heavier hand than most. Not sure I can handle such hard hits, which I spoke up about of course, as did MasterDoc and the guy laid off the hard spanks.

This guy goes for the gusto when having sex and after just a brief bit of dirty talk in my ear, he went for my pussy and decided to see if I truly do squirt. His fingers made me come in no time. Of course I held off until MasterDoc told me to come. I squirted a whole lot. The throe was soaked.

Next I sucked the new guy’s cock. There was lots of gagging, with saliva flowing. He spit on my face – the first time I’d ever experienced it. I wasn’t sure if I’d like it but I did find it kinda hot. MasterDoc was uncomfortable that something as edgy as spitting would be brought in without negotiation (I concur). That got addressed a bit later.

MasterDoc fucked me while I sucked the guy’s cock. This was Hot! (With a capital “h”) Then they switched and the other guy fucked me while I sucked MasterDoc’s cock. (Again, hot with a capital “h.”) Next the guy fucked me up the ass (I seem to be making this “anal upon first meeting” thing a habit.) He made me come a whole lot while fucking my ass.

I can’t even begin to estimate how many times I came that evening.

We took a break, but as dinner had not yet arrived, after a conversation on limits we went back for more. MasterDoc suggested we try double penetration – I’ve never experienced it, just frustrating attempts. MasterDoc lay on the bed, I got on top of his cock, then the other guy went to work his cock into my ass. It was still hard to get proper angle – my butt’s a bit sore from where it was poked before he got it in. But the struggling was brief, and holy shit it worked! It felt… like I was being fucked in two holes at once. I know that sounds self-explanatory but it’s the only way I can think to describe it. While I felt quite filled it wasn’t uncomfortable like I had worried it would be. Both orifices expanded to make each penetration comfortable in and of itself. As they both fucked me I just kept on coming over and over. Good, primal, grunting and screaming orgasms.

After a break for dinner, the guy was up for one more fuck. We went into the bedroom and I sucked his cock, gagging on it. He had me lay on the bed and he fucked me from on top. He pinned me down – there’s that wrestler skill! – and fucked me like there’s no tomorrow. Dude is in shape. I couldn’t believe how long he fucked me at a hard, relentless pace. Most guys can’t do that. Of course, I loved it. He put his hand on face from time to time, holding my head to the side while he continued to fuck me. This was hot and would inevitably make me come harder. I began to wonder which of us would ask to stop first. He did, but I was pretty fucked-out by that time myself.

Since this went well, I’m free to schedule casual fucks with this guy when I have free time. Neither of us has a lot of free time, and who knows how often it will coincide, but it’s nice to think there’s another cock out there I can call on when I need something extra – a cock that comes with rough sex.

DP originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on May 17, 2011.

Last night I went on a first date with a guy from a dating site. MasterDoc is so busy with women lately that I seriously need to find other people to have sex with. I am so not getting laid enough. If my dating others results in more loving poly relationships, that would be a bonus. But at minimum I would like a regular friend with benefits who I could fuck and enjoy hanging out with.

The talking and dinner part of the date went well. He’s a nice guy, keen on exploring poly (and exploring kink), already dating a couple of other women. I hope I see him again. He brought me chocolate from a shop in the city called The Chocolate Library. He gets major bonus points for thoughtfulness. He remembered my profile mentioned my love of chocolate, and well, the place is called a library, so he thought it was the perfect thing to bring along.

He admitted that he was a little intimidated by my experience. He wondered if he needed to be dominant with me, and I told him to just be himself, just do what he usually does when getting to know a new partner. While I have had some pretty awesome sex, I’m not someone to be intimidated by. I also don’t require kink every single time. But I do like when the person I’m with is more aggressive than me.

We went back to my place and he got me naked pretty quickly. That’s not hard. I’m not an indiscriminate fuck but once I decide I’m up for it I don’t play coy usually. He dove into my pussy quickly and the guy knows his way around a pussy. He ate me out for a fairly long time and I came a few times during it. When he added a finger or two in my pussy that felt even better. I told him that I’m a squirter. After all, I put out my Fascinator throe and felt the need to explain my prized squirt blanket. Apparently, despite this guy’s having been around the block (he previously dated a sex worker), he had never encountered a squirter before. I warned him that my squirting is sporadic. I didn’t want him to take it personally if I didn’t squirt. But he worked my pussy with his fingers for a while (the guy had finger and tongue stamina) and sure enough, girl cum poured out of me at one point. He thought it was pretty awesome. He spread the wetness around my pussy and seemed to enjoy playing with it a little. I love that most guys love squirting. He pointed out that women can see visible proof a guy has come, but unless a woman squirts the guy doesn’t get solid proof.

Actually, now that I’m thinking of it, his hands went to my ass first. I had lube handy, of course (and vibrators, condoms, and gloves in case they were needed or wanted) and made sure he lubed me up well. After he got me off a bunch of times, I went for his cock. I truly love sucking cock. He has a very nice cock.

He worked his way up the bed so he was straddling my head, and he fucked my face. How did he know I like cock choking? I had to keep my hands in there so I could pull away when needed. A girl does need to breathe. But all in all it was a pretty hot blowjob.

He asked for a condom and turned me over. Instead of fucking my pussy, he went for my ass. Now if you’ve read this blog for a long time you will probably remember a swing situation MasterDoc and I were in several months ago where I got fucked up the ass. Even MasterDoc (the biggest slut I know) thought that was extra slutty.

I realize that anal still has a certain amount of taboo around it. To be honest, I hadn’t even tried anal sex until my mid-20s. But at this point in my life I have this philosophy: if the guy is wearing a condom, if we have enough lube for my ass to make it comfortable, and if I’m feeling in the mood for it – why should it matter if it’s the first or twenty-first date? I can understand not wanting to do anal with someone who is still virtually a stranger, but I play such things by ear.

It was a good assfucking. I somehow ended up with my head against the wall, which I suppose is fitting for a rough and tumble bit of sex. Knowing that I like things rough and dominant, he grabbed my hair as he fucked me. It was awesome (and he released my head when I mentioned that my neck was hurting). I came often, and he fucked me until he came.

It was an extremely pleasant first date. Good company over dinner and hot sex after. He had work today so he headed home when we were done. I walked from my place back to MasterDoc’s. When I mentioned that I was going to do that, he asked if I was going to go tell MasterDoc all about my evening. And while MasterDoc was working late, I did indeed tell him about my date when he got home. And just as I told my date he’d say, MasterDoc said, “You slut!” As always it was said with the utmost affection.

As a little post script, I saw Blondie today (a perfectly respectable afternoon in the city – in other words, no sex) since we were down around SoHo/The East Village she suggested we go to the chocolate library. That place is a total boutique of fine chocolate. There are many different brands, different types of chocolate (a vegan bar with aphrodisiac herbs in it even, Blondie bought one of those). I picked up a couple of bars that sounded yummy and I will try to slowly savor them (and the bar my date brought the night before) over a period of time. This is expensive chocolate. It demands to be savored.

Up the Bum on the First Date, wherein our narrator is a big slut as usual originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on April 22, 2011.

Early in the evening, while I was feeling distinctly in the mood for some Dom/sub type of play, I focused on being the loving girlfriend in the swing situation. We had a lovely time making out for a bit. I did my best to show off how good he makes me feel in case I could pique some lady’s interest.

It was nice, but we didn’t talk to any couples and none of them spoke to us. We’re both shyer than you would think. (Not shy about nudity, shy about talking.) I started to get rather bored. When we finally went off to fool around, I found it hard to get fully aroused. I enjoyed the sweet kissing and touching, but when MasterDoc tried to make me come I had to struggle to come a while after he gave permission. I had a bout of crankiness. I just couldn’t get into the evening and my inner brat came out. I wanted rough sex when gentle sex was on the menu. I was bored and totally didn’t handle the accompanying frustration well. MasterDoc gave me a stern talking to, and I did my best to refocus and enjoy the evening. I didn’t want to ruin it for either of us.

I struggled. I was disappointed that my evening was fairly sex-free when I was craving lots of bdsm and sex goodness. I wanted an evening of fucking – wherever we were. But the sex was slow to come. When MasterDoc did fuck me, I just couldn’t get into it. He was frustrated because he thinks that I mentally set myself up to not come. I don’t think I did that, at least not consciously. The sex hurt, which seems to happen now and then lately if my cunt isn’t well warmed up first, and my cervix in particular was hyper-sensitive. I did my best mentally to get into it, and I asked him not to go too deep, but there was no way in hell I could get aroused enough to come. He told me that in swing situations I can come at will, but even after hearing his voice tell me to come, I couldn’t. I couldn’t even get close. It was a miserable experience for both of us, not because I didn’t have an orgasm, but because fucking was downright unpleasant. Our fucking is rarely short of spectacular.

The next day we discussed things, and I was feeling self-righteous and angry over my perceived reduction in sex lately with MasterDoc. (He had spent the night before with a playmate of his. They went to the club and she slept over his place.) He explained that I don’t get less sex. I’m not entirely sure that’s true, at least not back in the days before he started seeing DeeDee and his current plethora of playmates. The discussion left me depressed (just mood-wise, not illness-wise), but I did try to not let it get to me. Over time, I had to admit to myself that it was bratty of me to have a fit the night before. I started to examine my attitudes towards service to my Dom. I started looking at how I react when I don’t get what I want right away. Delayed gratification has never been my strong point.

It’s easy to serve when it’s kinky and stimulating for me. It’s much harder to be patient when he goes off with others or the goal seems to be a swap rather than sex together. I’m all for serving when and how it suits me – but I struggle with other types of service. I’m probably not the first sub to have this problem, and if any of you have suggestions let me know. I struggle with things that seem to “take away” from my time with him. I found myself craving sexual submission on Saturday night, but that’s not what my Dom needed from me.

I need to find a friend with benefits for regular fucking to augment what I get with MasterDoc. And/or a service top to play with. MasterDoc is polyamorous and will always be, so if my 38-year-old libido needs more fucking, then I need to get additional fucking elsewhere. Perhaps if I was getting laid more often then I wouldn’t get so insecure, needy and cranky.

At any rate, I realized that I needed to work on my submissive service. I need to work on submitting when it’s hard. I did my best tonight to make things easier for DeeDee who just came home and has a bunch of furniture to move in. I made dinner and cleaned up so MasterDoc and DeeDee could get stuff done. It’s a small step, but I’m going to continue to examine my service skills.

On Sunday, we had sex twice and it was just as wonderful as usual.

Rethinking Service originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on March 14, 2011.

They decided amongst themselves to do a medical scene. MasterDoc got two of his white lab coats and they each put one on. They took me into the bedroom and secured me spread eagle with the under bed restraints. I giggled a lot as they spoke as if they were doctors who were going to treat me. Apparently the treatment was for the fact that I hadn’t had an orgasm since Thursday.

But before I’d get an orgasm, they played around with clamps and clothespins. When the clover clamps were removed from my labia a few minutes later I let out a scream. Blondie seems noticeably more sadistic than MasterDoc. He had warned me a long time ago that female Doms were vicious. Blondie put a clothespin on my nasal septum – ow! You should have heard me begging to have it taken off. “Ow! Ow! Please take it off! Please take it off! I can’t take it! Please take it off!” I don’t care if that makes me sound like a wimp, it hurt like a motherfucker! After a good amount of torture (including clamps strung from my nipples to my labia) MasterDoc took on the magic wand and made me come. I gushed a ton and it must have been amazing to watch. Unfortunately that meant my throe was soaking wet the rest of the evening.

Blondie took some photos of me in flagrante delicto while bound to the bed. I will post some here when she sends them to me.

They did so much to me and it was dizzying to get so much attention, stimulation and orgasms that I’m sure I’ll leave out parts unintentionally. I hope that if Blondie or MasterDoc read this and remember something I’ve forgotten, they will leave a comment or comments.

My arms were so sore from being held above me (not to mention the fact that I tend to tense up while in bondage and being tortured like that). They let me free and then had me get on hands and knees. MasterDoc inserted two needles into one butt cheek. Blondie, who has training in acupuncture, got to try doing needle play that day (she’s done it on the receiving end before, I believe.). Unfortunately, with her experience in solid, thin acupuncture needles, she inserted the hollow hypodermic needles very slowly. MasterDoc asked later how that was for me – if it was better than his technique. I had to say no. It prolonged the pain in a bad way – pain with the first puncture, the feeling of the needle dragging through the skin and then the pain as the needle came out the skin – and didn’t seem to increase the endorphin rush at all. There was caning. And MasterDoc fingering my ass. And probably another orgasm? As I said, the afternoon is a blur.

I got a brief rest, and Blondie came back in with her strap on. Rowr. She has a nice size cock. I knelt on the bed and she tried to enter me from behind while I sucked MasterDoc’s cock, which was right in front of my face. I had to scoot to the end of the bed and put my feet on the floor so she could get the right angle. It was fucking hot to be fucked at one end and sucking cock at the other. MasterDoc seemed particularly hard. I think I was allowed to come again during this – my brain cells have been scrambled by all the delicious orgasms.

Next, they changed ends and MasterDoc fucked me while I sucked on Blondie’s strap on. I squirted some more, worrying that perhaps I was splashing the carpet a bit. I kept slacking off on the strap on sucking and getting admonished by both of them to keep it up.

We stopped for dinner, which was perfect timing. I was exhausted by this time!

After dinner, I was given the pleasure (“job” didn’t seem the right word) of warming up Blondie for a ride on the sybian. I had her on the bed, fingering her cunt. MasterDoc came in and took over and I started sucking on her tits while he fingered her. The girl let out some of her usual piercing screams of pleasure. In MasterDoc’s building I worry less about neighbors being disturbed by orgasmic shouts – as long as it’s not late at night.

We moved to the living room and I sat in front of Blondie while she rode the sybian. She could lean on me and I got to be up close as she came. It was pretty damn amazing (as always) listening to the noises that are yanked out of a woman as she becomes very aroused and orgasms. MasterDoc ran the controls and it was definitely cool to hold her during the experience. I do have a better understanding now of why MasterDoc enjoys giving sybian rides so much.

As Blondie recovered, I asked if I could get a sybian ride. (Yeah, I know, greedy slut.) MasterDoc started warming me up, then Blondie sat on my other side on the couch and they both played with my body. MasterDoc excused himself to set up the sybian for the next ride and left Blondie warming me up. This was the first sybian ride in a while for me. Blondie gave me some hard caning while I got worked up on the sybian. I asked permission to come, and MasterDoc consulted with Blondie… and she said no I couldn’t yet! Argh! She really is too tough for me. *grin* She wanted me to grind and hump the machine so I gladly obliged, hoping for permission to come. It was eventually granted, and I kept coming and coming and coming. I felt exhausted, but I couldn’t stop coming as long as the stimulation was there. It was kinda hot in a way. I collapsed on the floor for a while after, dazed and content.

Nadia’s Surprise originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on February 1, 2011.

I read Colette’s novel Cheri recently (and The Last of Cheri) and was intrigued with the older courtesan, Lea, having an affair with the young, vain and terribly handsome Cheri. It was the sort of relationship where she taught him the arts of the boudoir, they enjoyed each others company, but knew it was never meant to last forever. I think that’s something I’d like for myself. The man needn’t be young. Experience is more desirable to me than inexperience. I don’t want a relationship that takes a lot of time and effort. I want a companion to spend time with once a week or so. I want mutual affection but not a romance.

Of course even this sort of deal requires some effort.

I think I also feel lonely lately because the chasm between my being a frequent visitor at MasterDoc’s, but not being someone who actually lives there, seems to be opening up even more for me. It’s not easy having chores at his place (AND chores at my place) but not having a bedroom that I can really consider the one I sleep in. I’m partial to the playroom because I like the bed and the fact there’s a bedside table for me there, but as it’s the playroom I can’t just make that my space while I’m there. I have a few drawers with some things in it in that room, but I don’t really have a “place.” And if I’m not scheduled to hang out with MasterDoc I feel like I’ve overstayed my welcome if I hang out. I used to feel welcome all the time in his place.

I like my apartment. I like having a place to keep just as I want it, a place to decorate as I wish. But it can be horribly lonely sometimes. I’m one of those strangest of people – an introvert who doesn’t like being alone too much. I like spending time alone with others in the house. My “time alone” happens in my head when I’m not interrupted.

But the past few days I’ve been at MasterDoc’s and I haven’t been alone. He was sick with a cold when I got there, so I felt bummed that while he saw another lady the night before (I think) and DeeDee was having very audible fun with her other gentleman, that I hadn’t had anything for days and didn’t look likely to get anything from my sick and tired Dom. I find lately that even though I’m still very horny, I crave the physical affection and touch more than anything. By the next day MasterDoc was feeling a bit better. We got some alone time and he gave me marvelous orgasms.

I’m blanking out on the details, but I know it felt good. The next morning I felt a bit sore down there – not sure why I’m feeling inflamed since I can’t recall exactly what we did (I think thrusting fingers played a part), but it’s an ok kinda sore. The following night, DeeDee went out to play with our friend S and one of her guys. We put on (at my suggestion for once) theupperfloor.com and watched a couple of videos as we had dinner and started getting things moving on the couch. He took me into the bedroom and had me get ready for his cock immediately. I got laid for the first time in days. Whoo hoo! But then my irritated vag couldn’t take it and we had to stop. MasterDoc improvised and make me come til I was exhausted by rubbing my upper labia and clit, giving the vaginal opening a break. I got to suck his cock, which I love, and I keep hoping he’ll come on my face one day.

He’s tried making me come until I pass out, but it seems like I’m more of the collapsing type. It’s something else when he pushes me and pushes me, and I think that I just can’t come any more but he keeps up the stimulation and I come again. And again. I’m helpless under his hands. He’s doing a lot of this lately.

I’ve been getting itchy to try role play. Or a scene with more formalized D/s behavior and theme. I want to be taken roughly. I want that gangbang I’ve been promised.

But I’m the submissive, and while my wants do get taken into consideration, it’s not always about me. When our friend S visited, MasterDoc got her and I cuddling on either side of him on the bed in the playroom. He told us he wanted us to both suck his cock, and he had me start. It was lots of fun to watch his face while S blew him. He was clearly feeling good, and I like when he feels good.

Random Ramblings originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on January 2, 2011.

He took some time off from work to spend with me that evening, and then took  DeeDee and I out for dinner at a nice Indian restaurant. (I voted to have her join us when he asked if I wanted that.) After dinner, we went back to his place and DeeDee settled down with the tv while I got some alone time with MasterDoc.

He had bought me a present and as soon as I saw the box – a Lelo box! – I was bowled over. I got the widest grin on my face and held the box close to me. He got me the Siri that I’ve been going on about wanting. He paid attention and got me something I so very much wanted and this touched me. (I LOVE the toy so far. Will keep me busy while I send my Gigi off for repair. It has suddenly started vibrating really loud and rattling.)

I got to use it that evening, and it is nice and intensely buzzy. He made me come a bunch of times – some by verbal command only, some by physical stimulation, some by fucking. He was very sweet and I found myself thinking, “Our dynamic hasn’t changed just because it’s my birthday. Make me suck your cock! Beat me!” I had asked specifically for a birthday spanking earlier in the day and I perked up when he gave me quite an intense spanking, one stroke for every year of my life and one to grow on. (Yeah, that was my idea when we had been talking earlier.) I really had a lovely time with him that evening.

The next night we went to the party where we were expected to do the coming on command thing. DeeDee was really nervous about doing it in front of a crowd, I was less so, but I can’t honestly say I wasn’t at all nervous. I know I’m incredibly conditioned at this point, but I was nervous nonetheless. MasterDoc got everyone’s attention. I had a blindfold on by then because I really just couldn’t look at the people. He explained what he was going to do, and then ran his fingers through mine and DeeDee’s hair as we sat on either side of him on a sofa. He gave the command, and despite our nerves we both came. I’m sure it was something to see. Even so, I’m glad I didn’t have to see the crowd around us.

Unfortunately, the party was uneven and I ended up feeling fairly frustrated and bored. The place was a decent space except it was freakin’ cold. I didn’t take my heavy cardigan off all evening. MasterDoc did cane, spank and make DeeDee and I come at the same time, our asses in the air. It was fun, but my mood was pretty dark.

I did manage to be a good sub for a change, and that night I kept quiet and positive as best I could. I felt tired and wanted to leave, but since MasterDoc brought the sybian (our entry fee) we had to hang out while the party host had various women take a ride. I was ready to leave a couple of hours before we actually got the chance to.

While my remembrance of that evening is pretty negative, I suppose there were many positives. I got to see someone very skilled do fire play. I was impressed by his focus and understanding of keeping the play safe yet stimulating. Our friend V. went to the party with us and she got the chance to do fire play with that gentleman a little later. I also had nice chats with various friendly perverts – the people who go to these parties are usually quite cool. I got to see Sofija a bit but she wasn’t feeling well.

But all in all, the party was a dud for me. I didn’t even want a sybian ride by the time it was offered. I just wanted something to eat and to go home.

MasterDoc treated us to the diner after, and this was a nice treat. V. came with us and it was definitely nice to hang out with her, even if the party wasn’t the best. I’m trying to be positive here. I was a total negative Nadia earlier today so I’m doing my best to perk up. But an evening alone wasn’t what was planned so I’m pretty bummed that’s how things ended up tonight. Shit happens, but it’s still frustrating and disappointing.

I wish this entry had more zing (and/or orgasms!) but I’m not feeling it tonight. Kinda like how we all felt at that party last night. I suppose not every day can be filled with magical bdsm orgasmic enchantment.

C’est la vie.

Happy Birthday and then the Rest originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on November 21, 2010.

MasterDoc also uses those moments of post-orgasmic glow to address any concerns he has about your behavior as a sub. My latest lecture was how I need to be agreeable to threesomes with him and DeeDee (or any other woman for that matter) – not doing so is not an option. And I’ve been trying to sort out why over time I’ve gotten to feel uncomfortable with threesomes with MasterDoc and DeeDee. When DeeDee was new I was more able to play my part and not have any hang ups. But since becoming good friends, and her living at MasterDoc’s, I’ve come to feel awkward. Moody. Odd. I think it’s because DeeDee is, in my mind, a friend of mine and not a lover. I love her as one loves someone dear to you, but I feel strange getting into sexual situation with her there. I dunno. I also find that my insecurities are so great that if he’s paying attention to her first, I worry that I’m going to be left out completely. I tell you, threesomes are not all they’re cracked up to be. They can be hot, but sometimes one of you gets stuck diddling yourself in the corner while the real action goes on between the other two. I realize that for many that’s hot in and of itself, but I seldom diddle myself even when I’m alone these days. (That’s a contemplation for another paragraph.)

I don’t know that I have the answer, but apparently I have to find it. I do understand that sometimes a perk of being a polyamorous Dom should be getting pleasured by more than one of your subs at a time. When we’re both busy with him I suppose it’s not a bad thing as I enjoy making him feel good. Do any sub-types reading this have suggestions on getting into sexual situations (that you’d rather not get into) because your dominant orders you to? And do any of you have an idea on how to play with your dominant’s ass while he fucks someone else? The butt clenching that comes with fucking makes it pretty friggin impossible to get my fingers in there.

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Masturbation is something I did at an early age (I had my first orgasm before leaving elementary school) and did often when I was in high school. In the college dorm I got fewer opportunities, and once I was working full time I found I just didn’t have the energy to masturbate as often. With regular sex in my life, I’ve had even less interest in masturbation. A few weeks ago MasterDoc ordered me to masturbate at least once a week (preferably twice) and report back to him on it. The first two weeks I managed to remember and report in on the one time I did it each week. Last week I totally forgot. I often intend to masturbate as I’m horny a lot, but I put it off so I can do things like blog, watch a dvd, play a game on my phone. By the time I put all that away and get to bed I’m too drowsy to rub one out.

I find that I’m generally horny at the most inopportune times – like at work. Or when I have stuff to get gone at my place or MasterDoc’s. I’m already dedicated to carving out time for exercise again, so finding time for one more thing seems like too much. I don’t think I could ever have imagined that I could think of masturbation as too much work. I find that getting worked up is difficult by myself these days (not always, but often enough). Plus with the mind blowing orgasms I have with MasterDoc, why wouldn’t I prefer that? And if it seems like sex isn’t in the cards that night I think I subconsciously shut my horniness down.

Also let’s face it, sex by myself isn’t as interesting as with a partner.

I’ve kept my feelers out for more lovers to spend time with, but I spend a lot of time at MasterDoc’s and prefer it that way. I’m happy to be seeing Blondie, and for a while I was seeking a friend with benefits on a dating site but I got fed up with constant emails from guys I was totally uninterested in. Today I chatted up my old friend Saajan online. If you ever read my first blog he featured in it often. While I was in graduate school he and I were pretty regular friends with benefits. We fucked a few times after I moved in with Davey, and he came to my birthday gang bang a few years ago, but we’ve mainly lost touch. Since he is my idea of the ideal friend with benefits I decided to say hello. Why is he ideal? Well he’s extremely smart, funny, nice and someone I enjoy spending even non-sexual time with – but there has never been even the whiff of romance between us. He can fuck like a jack-hammer and is aggressive in bed. He’s the first man who made me squirt.

I don’t have a date set for a fuck with him but he was up for it. He just may be the extra cock I’m searching for right now. The orgasms won’t have the blinding quality I get with MasterDoc – orgasms with MD are kinda like an old television losing reception – my brain goes totally fuzzy and I lose all ability… to do anything really, other than come that is. I’ve gotten spoiled.

Of Threesomes, Masturbation and Friends with Benefits originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on November 15, 2010.