Even I, the woman who is notorious for not being able to get things started was trying to push things along. We showed them the couple of sex toys we brought in a little case and I brought my Lelo Siri over to show the woman how strong the vibration was. She liked it. We managed to get them into the bedroom and MasterDoc started off kissing me. He had me suck his cock hard  and I somehow ended up using my Lelo Soraya on the woman. The guys remained half dressed while she and I started fooling around.

MasterDoc took over the toy, and the guy came over to eat me out. I’m always pleased when a guy goes for that first, often guys who will go down on me first are better lovers. He licked my pussy while I leaned over to suck her large nipples. She was soft and lovely to kiss and we made out often in the midst of things. Neither one of them turned out to be particularly knowledgeable about fingering, but in all fairness they are in their 20s still. They both did the basic in-out-in-out I remember from sexual experiences in my early 20s or so. If we see them again maybe I can offer a tutorial. They were both enthusiastic about oral so that helped. As often seems to happen, she went down on me but I didn’t end up going down on her. (This is how I get accused of being a pillow princess sometimes, I think.)

His cock was big and he’s a fit young man – so the fucking was good and energetic. I made out with the woman while MasterDoc fucked her and her boyfriend fucked me. This is the sort of decadence I love. I’m all for pleasure. No wonder I’ve turned away from religion. I don’t think pleasure is a sin.

I sucked his cock for a long time while she went down on me. MasterDoc was disappointed that the woman didn’t seem much into it. I know how that can really put a damper on things. The guy on the other hand was quite eager to fuck me and put his cock in my mouth. Since it was a Sunday night, and I had work the next day, the evening ended fairly early. But since they lived maybe 20 blocks from us it wasn’t a long drive home. I had been in the mood for having MasterDoc alone, but I was glad that I just went with his idea to swing. I had fun.

Thankfully, we had brought the throe as I squirted all over the damn thing. I think over time I squirt more and more often. Not all the time, but frequently now.

Sunday Swing originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on February 20, 2011.

We wandered the labyrinthine play space and found a little action going on in the bdsm room. We watched for a little while but it was more playful than hot I suppose. Blondie asked if I would like to walk around and I pointed out that while I like watching, I prefer being the show.

She brought toys. I got to see some of what she was bringing when I met her at her apartment but I didn’t know what she was going to do with me. She put me on a padded table laying on my back, and secured the three leather straps around me. I was secured to the table wearing only black lacy panties. She cropped and flogged me – only interspersing some pain with the sensation play. She had a double sided hair brush (bristles on one side, metal pins on the other topped off with rounded plastic pieces. She used the brush on me – to strike my thighs, to run along my feet. She’s extremely sensual and I loved all the attention. She checked in on me regularly and I told her that I was totally in a happy place – a pretty woman was working me over. What was not to love?

She would crop or use the hairbrush on my feet. She does some tickling – and I’m extremely ticklish. But for the most part she applied enough pressure to keep from tickling beyond what was pleasurable. She used her rabbit fur flogger on me again. I really am a sensation slut. Being touched, feeling different sensations on my body makes me happy. She straddled me on table to get better aim of my tits. She’s slim and light enough to not put too much pressure on me. She also has studied massage and has an idea of what body parts can bear the weight easier. She used the brush on my tits and it wasn’t painful like I expected. Only the slightest sensation of pain, mainly just an interesting sensation of bristles being carefully pressed into my breasts.

She undid the straps and had me turn over. She gave me a pretty hard spanking using hands, crop and flogger. We discussed things in between since we’re both getting to know each other and she mentioned how she can be a total bitch and inflict tons of pain on men. I could tell she has the capacity to leave me crying if she wanted, but of course she kept my limits in mind. She asked if I could tolerate having my hands cuffed behind my back for a bit. If you read here regularly you know I have a thing for this! She had a simple pair of metal, play (safety latch) handcuffs with fuzzy animal print covers. She did  flogging and cropping. She took off my panties while my hands were behind my back. She came over and told me she needed a bunch of saliva (lubrication) and I spit onto her gloved hand as best I could. She toyed with my cunt for a bit, kneeling on the table behind me. She asked if I would be ok alone momentarily (and at an all-women party I feel the safety level is higher than a mixed gender party). I said I would be fine for just a bit and she disappeared. I lay there with my hands secured behind my back.

Shortly after she came back I needed my arms down since it had been several minutes (my arms were sore the day after). She mounted the table again and slathered my pussy with lube. Ah, she had gone to get lube. She slid fingers into me and slowly worked my cunt. She knew the right places to probe and soon I was moaning – hopefully loud enough for her to hear over the loud music. When she got a little more intense with the fingering I moaned out, “Oh yeah!” over and over. She made me come but the pleasure ebbed and flowed rather than being one big explosion. I came a couple of times, however.

These parties feature some sort of demonstration each time, and Saturday night it was how to deep throat. (For those not aware, it’s a thing in the lesbian community to give your partner’s strap-on a blow job.) There was a cute woman standing near us with lovely combo of great tits and a hard silicone cock poking up over her men’s briefs and she had sideburns (on her face, not a euphemism for extensive pubic hair). I would have been up for us playing with her. She seemed interested in Blondie. But considering I’ve just started seeing Blondie, suggesting we add someone felt like it might be a misstep.

We got to watch some truly hot scenes after. There was a lovely combination of butches, femmes and everything in between. There were some transwomen and transmen. There seems to be a lot of respect for scenes in progress and I appreciated that. I’m used to pushy swing club guys. (MasterDoc and I seldom go to the local bdsm club – there’s no sex allowed there.)

I was worried as we ended the evening that I had been a pillow princess – I’ve certainly been accused of that before. As we said good night I told her we would (very soon!) have to rectify the fact that I haven’t made her come yet. Hopefully I’ll get to do that soon.

Going to the Women-Only Kink and Sex Party originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on September 28, 2010.

We cuddled a bit in the bedroom and I told him that I was feeling really passive. (Sometimes I just want to be teased and tormented and not taking such an active role. In the past this has gotten me called a pillow princess, but lately I’m much more active so I can get away with this now and then) This worked out because he was already planning  to tie me down to the bed (via the under the bed restraints). He made sure the lines were pulled tight so my arms were spread as wide as possible. I was truly helpless. He  blindfolded me.

He licked my clit for a while, something that feels divine. He teased me with a vibrator, and after inserting it to stimulate my g-spot, he licked my clit some more until he made me come (giving permission for the orgasm of course).

He left the room for a few minutes. I of course remained where I lay since I couldn’t move at all. He returned with some ice which he used on my clit. He took a phone call during this, and I was left to stifle my cries as he teased my cunt some more with the bitterly cold ice. I don’t like being cold! Applied to my pussy for too long it hurts.

He had talked about play piercing and I was nervous he’d follow through on the idea of nipple piercing. (And wouldn’t you know it, I was scared of that but my body gave me away by twitching in arousal when he spoke about it.) He felt my body, searching for the right place to put a needle or two. He came to my inner thighs and said that’s the spot. I’m freaked out as my inner thighs are incredibly sensitive. I dreaded a needle going through the flesh there. He swabbed my left inner thigh with an alcohol wipe and grabbed a hold of a chunk of flesh.

I could have sworn he was putting a needle in, and I cringed appropriately. But he had the last laugh. He had just pinched my thigh with his hand – he didn’t use a needle. But I was so psyched up into thinking “piercing” that he didn’t need to actually do it for me to feel the sensation. Pretty wild and an excellent mindfuck.

Next he put nipple clamps on and left the room. I was turned on by the fact of my utter helplessness and the fact that he can inflict pain on my body if he chooses. That’s power.

When he returned he fucked me while I was tied down. I couldn’t get my legs apart as much as usual since my ankles were cuffed to the edges of the bed, but he managed to fuck me quite well (albeit not quite as deep as usual). As I came, he choked me a little during orgasm. No real air constriction, but a firm hand at my throat. Fuck, that made it hotter. I was a happy puddle afterward. (And had a puddle of girl cum under my ass too.)

He untied my arms and gave me some aftercare. Next he had me suck his cock for a while, and I reveled in it and fantasized about dirty things like being fucked from behind with clover clamps on while gagged. I never ask for the clover clamps – they hurt like a motherfucker! While I was fantasizing about him inflicting more pain on me, he gagged me on his cock. I’m thrilled that he does that pretty often lately. We’ve both found something new we enjoy. He had me get on top of his hard cock for a ride. He teased me with a long, slow fuck. He made me come for a long, languorous time. I had to lay down to rest after, and could have easily fallen asleep.

But wait, there’s more! I told him my fantasy from earlier. He put on the clover clamps right after mentioning that I probably couldn’t handle them for the entire time he fucks me. He gave me permission to remove them if I needed. I wore them longer than one would think I could manage. I was  kneeling at the end of the bed with the clamps biting into my nipples as he fucked me. I don’t know what it is, I guess it’s my masochism, or need to submit, but there’s something erotic about knowing he can hurt me – that he has the authority to make me hurt. He has the authority to fuck me while he makes me hurt. Damn that’s hot. I ended up pulling off the clamps mid orgasm. And I squirted some more on the throe. (That thing desperately needs a cleaning now.)

He got hard again and had me ride him another time. I wasn’t sure that I had the stamina at that point, but his cock feels so good it kept me going. He squeezed my boobs hard, which doesn’t feel as good as nipple pinching would. He made me come again, and a little later, again.

I was spent, but MasterDoc had yet to come. He put on some porn, and I gave him a prostate massageas he stroked his cock. He was laying on his side, which usually puts me off kilter in regards to finding his prostate, but I’ve gotten better at feeling that little “walnut” texture of the gland to find it. I was distracted by the porn myself, as the storyline of the maid who is then gang banged by the dinner guests and the butler turned me on immensely. I was just dying to be the center of a few men at that moment. I focused enough on making him feel good to get him to shoot a big load. (The throe was a complete cummy mess by this time from him and me.) Since I was thoroughly enjoying the slutty porn he told me I could continue watching and he gave me permission to make myself come. I grabbed my Gigi as my preferred masturbating hand had just been in his ass (and we don’t want a vaginal infection to result). I rubbed the vibe on my clit for just a few moments. While watching the woman get double penetrated while sucking a third guy’s cock, I made myself come hard.

I finished watching the video, and MasterDoc came back in the bedroom. He asked if I had decided not to masturbate, but I said that no, I had come already.

What an entirely amazing afternoon.

Afternoon Delight originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on August 10, 2010.

MasterDoc recently bought (yes, we sometimes buy sex toys and not just enjoy the ones I get to review) some Zeus electrosex attachments from Extreme Restraints – the nipple “clamps” to target my poor sensitive nipples and the small torpedo plug to torment my ass. The plug didn’t get used although he did use the larger one we’ve had for a while in my vagina. We discovered however, that for me the electrosex isn’t so good for foreplay, but it’s divine once I’m aroused. The large torpedo in my cunt was uncomfortable because it’s so rigid and I wasn’t yet warmed up. The nipple clamps don’t particularly clamp, but they do zap your nipples. But worse than that, he thought to put them on my outer labia. That fucking hurt. Then he tried them on my inner labia. I think he needs to gag me if he ever plans on putting that toy near my cunt again. I screamed. He threatened to put it on my clit but thankfully he showed some mercy.

After all the torment (and yes, as much as I enjoy some pain it was indeed torment) he fucked me from behind. This was my present for being so patient with the electrosex. The fucking was really hot, and not at all painful like the electro gear. I was allowed to use the magic wand, which I love but it’s hard to hold up after a while (especially if you’re busy holding yourself up with your other arm).

I held out as long as I could but I had to beg to be allowed to come. I came and unfortunately my cunt pushed his cock out. But, ever the soul of ingenuity, he used a glass dildo on me for a while and kept me coming. Then he put his cock back in a few times. Alternating between the dildo and his cock was wonderful, but I certainly hope doing Kegels these days will help control the intense squeezing and ejection my cunt likes to do during orgasm. I squirted all over my hand, the bed and the floor. I was exhausted and sweaty after.

Somewhere in the past few days was some really hot sex – that I’ve now forgotten the details of. Yes, I know I’m quite fortunate to have enough fantastic sex that I can afford to forget some of it. I seem to remember prostate massage for MasterDoc. And fucking. Oh and I started sinking into depression on afternoon so MasterDoc caned me. Rather hard. I nearly didn’t make it through all 10 strokes! But my mood sure improved after that.

Another day, I was bound, face down over the hump of the Liberator scoop and made to come.  Yay! Bondage! He held the magic wand to my clit and let me hump it while my legs and wrists were attached to the scoop by cuffs. He left me bound there for a while while he went off to play with DeeDee. I was wiped out, but after a bit I became distracted by Forrest Gump playing on the television. Yes, I held my head up uncomfortably and got into the movie. I rather suspect MasterDoc was doing wonderful nasty things to DeeDee. He came out and released me after a bit, and I rested on the couch as I ended up dizzy and nauseous for a while – I guess having my bodacious boobs smashed against the scoop might have compressed my chest a bit too much.

During another interlude, he made DeeDee come while I got toys together. (And drove myself nearly crazy because I hadn’t been good and put my Lelo Gigi away last time – so I had to search high and low for it while listening to DeeDee come in the next room.) But I got my moment when MasterDoc langorously played with my cunt with his fingers, and he made me come with his hands. After recovering, DeeDee blew him while I kissed him and played with his chest. He asked for a condom and I put one on, then he surprised us a little by asking DeeDee if she wanted to get on for a ride. While she fucked him I played with his inner thighs and really added to the experience for him. It is so much fun to watch them while being participatory. My pillow princess days are over – I get really into making other people feel good.

After a break MasterDoc decided to fuck me too. Whoo hoo! He fucked me from behind on the mat in the living room. DeeDee played with his ass while he fucked me. I was so turned on that I thought I might come without permission but I could tell he was near coming. Despite my intense arousal I wanted him to come from fucking me – it doesn’t happen often – or at least have a chance to. Eventually he realized he wasn’t going to quite get there, so he told me to come. I did, muscles clamping down, squirting a whole lot over my hand holding the Gigi. I was an exhausted and happy camper. He went later to fuck DeeDee in her room while I got ready for bed.

So, uh, just a typical week in the life of Nadia.

A Week in the Life of Nadia originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on June 16, 2010.

I put in a special request for him to use the new Wartenberg wheel I purchased recently, and needles as well.  I could tell I needed something even more endorphin-triggering than a spanking. I also needed cuddles, which he administered right away when I got to his place.

I had never played with the wheel before – although sometime in my earlier life I’m sure it was used on me medically to test nerve reactions. He ran the wheel and its sharp pins over my naked body. The sensation made me jump and giggle. It felt like tickle, but also like pain and finally it sometimes felt like little electric shocks running over my body. It turned me on surprisingly well and fast. That intense melange of sensations immediately woke up my senses. I felt the insistent swell of my labia as I became aroused. I was surprised at how easily it worked for me, but as MasterDoc later pointed out he had taken the time to do a little foreplay before that. I don’t remember what came before, however, just what came after.

He slapped my inner thighs, always the most painful part of my body to have slapped. Being slapped on the pussy can hurt a great deal too, but I think the skin on my thighs is just too thin and sensitive. He took an alcohol swab, cleaned up an area of my inner thigh and took in the expression on my face when I realized he was going to stick me in such a sensitive spot. I was nervous. A little bit freaked out even. But he slid one needle into my thigh, and the pain lasted only a second while it penetrated the skin. Following the needle stick was an amazing endorphin rush. Everything around me faded away, and I could feel this “whoosh” of chemicals flood my body. It felt like I’d imagine shooting heroin to feel. It was like shooting up drugs, only there were no drugs on or going through the needle. It was purely a brand new hypodermic needle – no syringe – fresh out of the package. Fuck. It was amazing.

He did a second needle, which hurt a little more than the first, but it produced another rush. I think I’ve found a new favorite way to get an endorphin high.

With the needles in place, he pressed on them a little and I welcomed the slight pain. He used the magic wand on my clit and drove me completely fucking crazy. He pressed it hard into my clit, unrelenting for the most part (kinda like I tend to do when I use the wand on another woman). I moaned, partly with pleasure, partly with desperation to come. I was worried that he’d manage to make me come without me getting permission first. I finally gave in and begged when he dragged it out and he still didn’t tell me to come.  After a little more teasing, he gave me permission. The endorphins already released through my body enhanced the orgasms I had. My eyes bugged out one moment as I gasped for air. The next minute they were shut tight as I blabbered some nonsensical noises and combinations of “oh god” and “oh fuck.” My right hand grabbed at MasterDoc’s back and his hair. He had me take the wand over, and he used my Ella dildo. He fucked me with it hard and I kept the wand on my clit. I came for what felt like 10 minutes. It probably wasn’t that long, but it seemed to go on forever. If all the women of the world could feel this way at least once a week we’d have a world full of happy women. Heck, once a month would be an improvement for many women. I was surprised how long he made me come, but with lessening my depression as a goal, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. After, I was wiped out and very, very satisfied. A puddle of come had accumulated under me.

I was also very happy. And the next day, and the day after, I wasn’t depressed any more. I still had some PMS symptoms to deal with, but damn, if that didn’t cure my depression.

I’m a very lucky girl.

MasterDoc’s depression cure works again!

Pain and Healing originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on March 4, 2010.

I told him that I was being completely ignored and I managed to get it out without a huge emotional outburst. He finished up the call he had to make, and proceeded to pay more attention to me. Score one for me managing to calmly voice what I needed and then getting it.

He said I was due for a paddling and he used the lovely new paddle on my ass. He also used the lightest cane for a while, and my pain tolerance wasn’t bad. Many of the strikes felt rhythmic rather than painful, although the cane does inevitably get to be too much. I’d love to have angry red cane stripes on my ass (and get to see them in a photograph) but I’m not sure I can handle the concentrated pain that comes from good, strong cane strikes. It’s something to work towards.

He gave me my nea to use on my clit and I masturbated myself while he spanked me. After a good round of spanking, he climbed onto the bed next to me, and made me look him in the eye. He wanted to know if I was ready to come. I said that holding myself in that position (on knees, left arm supporting me and right hand pressing the nea to my clit) was difficult and I wasn’t sure I could come right then. He made sure I was looking him straight in the eye when he said, “Let it be a challenge to you.”  He told me to come and I came, hard, moaning and grunting. I squirted all over my hand and the vibe. It was like my hand was bathing in my juices.

He told me I could lay forward and relax but just then another orgasm gripped my body. He chuckled and said ok I could have one more. (I don’t know that I had a choice – my body had decided for me!)

Even though my hand was all wet from coming on it, I find that the smell of the fluid is pretty light and kinda nice. (It’s definitely not pee.) Unfortunately I had forgotten to put the throe down again. *sigh* There was a large puddle at the end of the  bed.

We cuddled, and I tried to soak up the feeling of being around him. I knew that I wouldn’t see him for nearly a week, and so had to enjoy every second while I could.

I was still pretty horny (he makes me so horny!) and playing with the nea on my clit. I got really turned on watching the porn on the computer – it was an intense bondage scene with the bottom having 60+ clothespins on her body. As the Domme took a clothespin off, the bottom had to count what number it was and not lose track. The anticipation of the next one coming off and the pain that played across the actress’ face made me really hot.

I have a lot of bondage fantasies lately. Rope is not MasterDoc’s forte, so I haven’t really experienced much in the way of rope bondage. But quite frankly I’d be happy using the wrist and ankle cuffs I have and having them linked together so that I was immobile.

He fucked me, thrusting his cock deep inside. I came hard again thanks to his expert fucking. I was a happy girl.

I left the erotic hypnosis book with him, and I hope that we can play with hypnotism sometime soon. He commented that he thinks in some ways he already hypnotizes me; and I’m inclined to agree. He often makes me focus on his eyes and take slow deep breaths to center myself. I’m sure that actual hypnotism between him and I will be quite easy. I hope that maybe through hypnotism we can get my body to cut down on pushing-cocks-out movement my vagina likes to do during orgasm.

Sometime after seeing MasterDoc this week, I had an epiphany. I tend to be really passive during sex, and it’s looked upon as me being a pillow princess or boring, or whatever. But I think the source of it is low self-esteem. I don’t think that someone would find my sexuality arousing, so I don’t express it and keep it internal. Fucked up, yes. I am there for them to play with me but I don’t take charge myself. I seem to be doing a lot of deep thinking this week.

Spanking and Sex originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on September 19, 2009.

MasterDoc was practically giddy, he was so happy to have two lovely women attending to him. As he had DeeDee suck his cock (I’m told she’s skilled at it innately) he grinned at me and had me come in for a hug. It’s funny, because MasterDoc, as a Dom, will play the misogynist pretty often. (Such as, “Eh, next time I let the cunt take the bus!”) But in reality, he loves women. Absolutely loves them. All his close friends are women, he spends his free time pretty much exclusively with women, and he loves wooing new women. When surrounded by women, MasterDoc is in his element. And he is very good at making women feel special, even while fucking them roughly and calling them cunt. Underneath the faux-misogynist comments, which could be misunderstood by someone who doesn’t know him, he’s a gentleman. Very much a gentleman. I hope I didn’t just reveal his deep, dark secret.

Back to the story: MasterDoc was really happy, and it was nice to see him so glad. While I felt shy that night and it took some urging to get me involved, ultimately it was really fun sharing cock sucking duties with DeeDee, and the two of us massaged his body. I enjoyed watching him fuck her. I get a certain pleasure from seeing him with another submissive woman, because the things he says during are the same things he says to me – and I can put myself in her place easily. I was also involved, as I used the Acuvibe Mini on her clit while he fucked her.

He had us lay next to each other on the mat on the floor, and play with ourselves. He used the crop on our thighs for a bit and took a set of nipple clamps and joined one nipple on each of us to the other woman’s nipple. He toyed with the chain between them, and the pain felt divine. Then he encouraged us to touch each other with our free arm. I didn’t know exactly what he meant, so I just dove in and started massaging her clit. Hee hee. While I was shy in some ways I certainly broke the ice there! DeeDee played with my breasts. She commented on how different it was to feel another woman’s breasts. She touched my cunt and asked me to tell her what I liked since she was new to this. I told her that fairly direct contact on my clit is good, and she was a little unsure where precisely the clit was. MasterDoc got into teacher mode and gave her an external female anatomy lesson – using me as the model. I’m sure she’s not the only adult woman who isn’t well-versed in female anatomy, and that is sad. It’s still so taboo that if you don’t run in sex-positive circles (or you’re not experienced at being bisexual or lesbian) you might not get the chance to learn this. She rubbed my clit, and MasterDoc added some lube. He slid his fingers inside me, and soon my eyes were closed and I was breathing heavy and moaning. It’s nice to have both penetration and clitoral stimulation at once. They continued, MasterDoc probing at my g-spot, until I asked permission to come. As usual, I came loud and long.

DeeDee thanked me after and said that I made her first time with a woman very comfortable. And I was thrilled to hear that, I like people to feel comfortable.

She had to go a short while later, and MasterDoc and I had dinner after she left. Later on, he decided that he wanted to come, and I played with his ass until he stroked himself to climax. I must be growing up a little and becoming less self-centered, because I genuinely derived great pleasure out of helping him come. Seeing him feel really good felt really good for me. Perhaps I’m finally getting over being a bit of a pillow princess.

Dom, sub, sub Threesome originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on July 15, 2009.

I started off the year having a great sex, albeit with the hindrance of prozac killing my libido and response. I didn’t consider myself a masochist at the start of the year, but in early February I changed that identification of myself. On the other hand, I started off the year bruising quite nicely, but now I barely bruise on my ass. I was also struggling with coming on command – not quite able to hold myself at a peak of arousal and not always able to come when permission was granted. Davey watched me get Dommed by MasterDoc and MasterDoc made me eat out of a bowl on the floor like a dog. MasterDoc and I continued doing shows for strangers.

In February I fucked a black guy for the first time in my life, and the entry was titled (at MasterDoc’s insistence) “BBC and Me.” My dose of prozac was lowered, which helped my libido and ability to come, but not by much (didn’t help my depression). MasterDoc decided we were going to lose weight together and we embarked on exercising and eating better. S. and I gave Davey a surprise threesome for his birthday.

In March I spent a lot of time reflecting on submission, what it means to me and why I do it. It’s been good to re-read those entries. I also waxed poetic about being face slapped. I suffered a bout of depression and clearly the lowered dose of prozac wasn’t adequate. It was also nearing the anniversary of the time I was sexually assaulted at a play party, and I still dwelled quite a bit on that.

In April I started off the month reflecting on why I enjoy public sex.  Davey, MasterDoc and I attempted double penetration but were unsuccessful (this is still true). I participated in sugasm for the first time. I wrote a bit about feminism and submission. We used a female condom for sex one time. I masturbated without permission and felt horribly guilty about it and confessed right away. At some point along the way I fell in love with MasterDoc. I had a challenging evening when we had a woman guest and I felt superfluous to the whole situation.

In May I proclaimed my average-ness. I started lusting after Photoshop and Dreamweaver to make my own site (I was still on blogspot at the time). And MasterDoc’s Puppy came for a visit. I had the first hint that maybe I could come without genital stimulation at some point. I purchased this domain and started trying to figure out how to get a blog up and running. I ended up going with wordpress, which I got installed for me.

My ass actually blistered a little bit after a spanking in June during one of our shows. I got called a pillow princess and reflected on my selfishness in bed, resolving to be less selfish. I discussed being assaulted three years ago at a play party and worked some more on dealing with the residual trauma from that. The swing club we frequent added a spanking bench, much to my and MasterDoc’s joy. I got swatted with a cane for the first time. I got good enough at riding the edge of orgasm that I could come when given the command (with genital stimulation).

I officially moved to kinkylibrarian.net at the start of July. (Looks like a few entries didn’t carry over when I made the switch. The old blog is still up, however.) I started talking about an interest in edge play like needle play and cutting. D.S. came for a visit and we had a very hot simultaneous orgasm. I contemplated many things like leading a double life, masochism and submission. I finally came without genital stimulation – and squirted too! I was on wellbutrin (in addition to prozac) for a little while by this time, and my sex drive had fully returned. I talked a little about early D/s experiences. I despaired over being denied orgasm, but was thrilled to have MasterDoc come in my mouth for the first time. MasterDoc and I had been seeing each other for a year by the end of this month.

In August I started participating in Half Nekkid Thursday, which I’ve done sporadically since. I struggled a bit with being a submissive and really opening myself up to someone – including giving MasterDoc my passwords to a few sites. We went to a hot (HOT) pool party. I started blogging over at Best Sex Bloggers. I spoke out about STIs and education. I had a very hot round of anal sex with MasterDoc, where I asked for more lube but then came really hard when he fucked me without adding lube. I enjoyed a moment of schadenfreude when I got to watch the online downfall of the guy who assaulted me (Jefferson). I don’t think I’ve blogged about the assault since – the experience of seeing him called on his bullshit by so many people really helped me heal a great deal.

September started out with me adding Babeland as an affiliate. (Still hasn’t netted me any money, but I still feel good about promoting that business.) I made the list of Top 100 Sex Bloggers. I also started reviewing toys, first for Lelo then for Babeland. Davey and I had a foursome while on vacation. MasterDoc and I gave an impromptu show one afternoon, then saw a couple in the evening. It dawned on me that our little shows technically make me a sex worker. I saw D.S. for one last time before he moved to San Francisco. I added Vibe Review as an affiliate at the end of the month.

In October, I put a toy into MasterDoc’s ass for the first time. I also wrote the terrific line, “I was a horny mass of sluttiness at that point.” I continued to try to get my head around the idea of him pissing on me. I wrote a little about dealing with depression while being submissive and how a beating can really make me feel better. MasterDoc made me come by slapping my clit. I talked about my early sexual and bdsm experiences. I had a bout of depression and cried during a scene – really cried – for the first time.

By November I could come at MasterDoc’s command quite well. I got philosophical about how change is an integral part of life. I came and squirted from being spanked at a swing club and later that night got fucked up the ass in public for the second time. One evening I became so turned on that I couldn’t turn off – and that ended up being the night that MasterDoc peed on me for the first time. I was so turned on and so deep into submission that I came as he peed on my clit. I went to the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar party and met a bunch of fellow bloggers. I also participated in Pleasurists for the first time. I come some more from pain and come again without being touched at all.

I started off December feeling cross with MasterDoc, but things were soon resolved and I wrote a post about how wonderful he is. He had a Domme-in-training come by for lessons and she fucked me with a strap on. The next night, a Dom came over with his three submissives and we had a fun bdsm orgy of sorts. I fisted a woman for the first time. MasterDoc figured out that he could use my new anal beads as a whip. Yikes. I fell ill with a stomach virus and actually turned down sex one day. But we used that time to go over my bdsm checklist and see what limits could be pushed in the future that perhaps we’ve been neglecting. We finished off the year going to a gangbang party last weekend.

All-in-all it’s been a hot year and I’ve come a long way with coming on command. I enjoyed reviewing my year via my blog but jeez, I really was at it for several hours. Thank you all for reading and I hope to have more adventures in 2009.

2008 in Review originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on January 1, 2009.

He put porn on the tv and the computer. I was getting hornier and hornier watching the porn. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin if I didn’t get touched soon. He had me get the lube and stroke his cock. Being so horny, I really focused on what I was doing and the reaction I got out of him. I apparently came very close to making him come. I was very into touching him and making him feel good last night.

He had me suck his cock for a while, but then had me stop as he got distracted with a phone call. At one point he told me to lube up my asshole, as he was going to fuck my ass. I got excited but it was mostly just a tease. He told me to play with myself, and I was already really wet. I ached to come. Then he decided that, yes, he was going to fuck me and asked me if I had a preference which hole. I said I didn’t have a preference and he decided to fuck my pussy. I got on my knees on the mat on the floor. (My knee is still sore from my fall last week. But it’s better than it was and so it was to the point where I could just think of it as a bdsm-related pain as he fucked me.)

He fucked me for a while, getting me more and more turned on. He fucked me fairly hard and it was so hard to hold back from coming. I begged for orgasm a couple of times, and he told me that I would be in trouble if I asked again. The agony! I so desperately wanted to come but wasn’t allowed to even ask. I struggled for a while, trying not to say anything, just moaning with pleasure as he fucked me. I had to try to divert my attention away from what he was doing to me, so I wouldn’t go over the edge and come. It felt so amazing. Finally, in a frenzy, I moaned out, “Please.” He slapped my ass really hard several times. I was in trouble for giving in and asking. I had tried so hard but I just couldn’t help myself, it felt so amazing. He gets me at such a high state of arousal I can’t help myself; I’m delirious from being touched.

He fucked me for a little longer. I whimpered as that was all I could do since I couldn’t beg. He eventually pushes me away and I fall forward onto the mat. I thought that was it for now, but after a few brief moments he comes up to me, spanks my ass and grabs my hair. “Come, cunt.” And it takes me a few seconds to get there but simply from being aroused, and having him hit my ass and grab me roughly by the hair, I have the most amazing orgasm. No genital stimulation at all at that point. He handles me roughly and holds me close as I have orgasm after orgasm. I clutched at the mat I lay on, and didn’t let go until a few minutes after he had finished with me. He later said that he hadn’t planned to let me come since I had been bad, but he felt pity on me as I lay on the floor. I am such a lucky girl. Really, he is so good to me. In the end, he didn’t end up coming, which I was a little sad about as I really wanted to get him off. (Perhaps I’m learning to be less selfish and less of a pillow princess.)

He had me get dressed and go to his car to get the Sex and the City movie he rented. We watched the movie on the sofa (the quiet night in part of the night) and cuddled a bit. It’s definitely a chick flick, and perhaps a bit sappy, but I was in a romantic mood last night so I got sucked right in.

I only got an evening and a morning with him this week, and I wish I had more time with him, but I’m trying to be a good girl and not give him a hard time about it at all. I will just have to be patient until the next time I get to see him.

Our Version of a Quiet Night In originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on September 27, 2008.

Last night I had a good time with Davey. We went out to dinner with a gay coworker of his, and then went bar hopping at gay bars. I haven’t done the fag hag thing in ages and had a good time of it. We all got really drunk. We shocked his coworker with stories of our lives and what we get up to. Hopefully he’s a discreet sort. (Hey, he’s in an open relationship with his boyfriend as well.) He asked at one point if we’ve ever done BDSM and of course I had to say that yes, I have. He guessed I was Dominant, which is pretty funny if you know me well. I get mistaken for a Domme pretty often when the topic comes up. I admitted that no, I’m a submissive and a bit of a masochist. I ended up talking about MasterDoc a little bit.

It was funny when he asked me what it is I see in women. As a gay man he’s just totally not turned on by women, but he took advantage of me being bi to ask about it. It’s hard to say. I like their softness and curves. I like how gently they kiss, it feels different than men. He asked if I was into going down on women, and I had to admit I’m a bit lukewarm about it. I’ve done it, and sometimes enjoyed myself, but mostly I’d rather finger. He talked about how he’s more into rimming than blow jobs and I said I’m the exact opposite. *grin* It was an interesting night.

The train ride home with Davey was interesting – the two of us drunk out of our minds. I brought up the blog topic I had thought about writing about this week – me being a pillow princess. MasterDoc has commented on this (see an earlier blog entry for his comment). Davey in his very honest, open drunk state implied that yes, I can be a pillow princess. lol

So the good question is what’s up with that? It’s not like I don’t enjoy giving others pleasure, I just tend to focus more on my own orgasm. I focus more on receiving sensation than giving it. But since I’ve now been told twice that I’m a little bit selfish I think I’ll focus more on giving. I need to learn to find the pleasure in making someone come. Well actually, I do get the pleasure of that. I think the more involved I am with what’s going on the more of a turn on it is for me. When MasterDoc has had me use the magic wand on his ass while he jerked off, I felt pretty removed from what was going on – until I started licking his chest and I felt much more involved and found the whole situation really hot. When I’m sucking cock I’m into it and enjoying it. I guess I have to focus on how I can keep myself engaged when it’s not my orgasm we’re talking about. Something to work on. So, no, I’m not the sex goddess I make myself out to be. I’ve got some rough edges that need smoothing. I could sit here and analyze my childhood to explain why I’m sorta selfish but I’ll spare you the details. Point is I need to get over it.

Quiet Weekend originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on June 14, 2008.