Archive for the 'orgasm denial' Category

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Happy to Be Stuck with You

Published on January 9, 2011 in anal, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, D/s, gags, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sex, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

On the heels of feeling needy and insecure, I’ve luckily ended up with a lot of time alone with MasterDoc this weekend. I think it has done me a world of good. Thursday night he came back from a tryst and called me into the playroom. He had me drop my underpants so he could put a butt plug in my ass. Funnily enough, this was the sort of thing I had just put into my Wishing Box that night.

As I sat on the sofa, every so often he would tell me to wiggle my butt. He’d ask if I could feel the plug in there, and I pretty much never forgot about it. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was very noticeable. I was allowed to take it out at bedtime.

The next day, we had the whole day alone. He had to go out for some errands, but in the afternoon we got freaky.

My back was bothering me, so he kindly gave me a massage. His strong hands kneaded the muscles in my lower back. I felt much better after. Back massages from him can feel like bdsm since he massages very hard. It loosens up the muscles, but it hurts while he’s doing it.

He had me get up on hands and knees and he gave me a caning. It was actually harder than usual, yet still amazing. I was surprised at how much I could enjoy the sting. I’m kinda curious now if I could take the thickest cane at all. I doubt I could stand it for long, but we’ve never tried it. He used the two thinner canes on me and I was pleased that he pushed me a bit by repetitive thwacks on my ass. I’d love to try that while my mouth is sealed with duct tape and my hands secured together.

In between, we cuddle and chat. He reminded me that I’m “stuck with him.” While this sounds like a negative sort of statement, I find it very comforting when I’m insecure. He promises he’s not going anywhere. I often get afraid that new pussy will lure him away. I worry that I’ve gotten boring by being familiar. After reassurance, he made me come over and over with his hands. When I’m hungry for reassurance, having him touch me feels like an orgasm in itself. I don’t want this to sound like I can live without orgasms – I can’t – but there are even times lately when I feel so amazing from being touched that I feel a certain satisfaction from that alone. I’ve reached a point where I can just enjoy feeling good without focusing quite so much on the end result – coming.

I felt cold, and he climbed on top of me. His body warmed me up as it enveloped mine. He called me a very receptive piece of meat as I shivered from his touch. In the submissive mood I’ve been in lately, I love hearing stuff like that! He also called me a nasty slut. Yes, Sir! I want to be called all manner of dirty things as he shoves his cock down my throat and slaps my face.

I truly love sucking his cock. I love knowing the things that work for him and making him feel good. I’ve become a total cock choking slut. The other day he really held my head down on his cock. I could feel my throat start to work to try to eject his cock. A gag and gurgle came from my mouth. When he let me up, I gasped, “Oh my god that’s hot!” It rendered plenty of saliva for me to give him a well lubricated blow job.

He fucked me from behind until I was so wound up. He pushes me to the edge then varies what he’s doing to keep me rarin’ to go without setting me off. I tried mentally to lay off orgasming, but then I got turned on again thinking about he could do this (tease me) as long as wanted. Ah, the power! He totally drove me insane then let me come (after several minutes of good, hard fucking).

I came hard on his cock for a while, squirting on the throe.

A little later, we had more fucking with me on top. I totally went crazy for his cock, riding it as hard as I could. (Getting in better shape has its perks!) I got so desperate to come that I actually slipped and begged, but he let me come this time.

Since I’ve been begging for him to come on my face lately, he decided that I had been a good girl and he came on my face that evening. I could feel my cheek become glazed with his come, and he rubbed his cock head against it. I waited until we were clearly done to go clean the come off my face. I used a wet washcloth and thought I had gotten it all, until I put my glasses on and found a huge glob near my ear. Ha ha. A little more wiping and it was cleaned up.

Needs

Published on December 28, 2010 in anal, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, consensual non-consent, cunnilingus, D/s, depression, electrosex/tens unit, flogging, humiliation play, impulses, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, Uncategorized and wishing box. 0 Comments

Perhaps after being sick I just needed some deep reconnection. When you’re sick, you’re very isolated. You are the only one going through what you’re going through, plus others keep a distance to avoid contagion. The aches and pains and nose blowing keeps your focus and takes away from your interactions with others. You withdraw because you need the rest.

When I was fairly over being sick, MasterDoc and I had sex a couple of times, but somehow it was not quite what I needed. He pissed on me. I came, much to my continuing shame. He beat me. He really pushed my pain tolerance. And he made me come. I hit a soothing state of calm and relaxation post-beating. But somehow I still didn’t feel satisfied. I felt guilt over this. But I still felt like something I needed wasn’t being met. After talks, I think MasterDoc figured out what I needed, because that’s what he gave me. That evening he said lovely things about being happy with me, me being cute, etc. I needed reassurance that I was still attractive. I needed reassurance that I was still loved. I know the last bit sounds strange, after all I certainly know he loves me. But I just needed to be reassured. And I felt soothed by his love and reassurances. I needed attention. I had felt frustrated earlier because he used the “suck my dick and then hop on for a ride” thing two days in a row (i.e., no foreplay for Nadia). I felt distanced, I felt like my enjoyment of the sex didn’t make a difference. I felt removed from the sex. This depressed me.

Well ok, brain chemicals made me depressed, but this is what I got depressed about when given the right mental climate.

I craved touch. I craved attention. I realized that the touching was more important to me than the orgasms that night. And so he held me. He caressed me. I felt so much better in his arms and with his hands on me. I just needed to be touched. I think probably everything else could have been the same and if more touching was just added I would have found it satisfying as usual. My skin was hungry.

The next day he did more of the same. He told me that while he thinks it’s “lazy Dom’s prerogative” to tell the sub to get aroused and ready for fucking without any help, he doesn’t think that should be the norm and he could understand how it seems like a trend to me – but it really isn’t a trend in our sex life. He took time to play with my ass with the e-stim machine. My cunt was wet and swollen and as he zapped my ass I was so aroused. He fingered me, toyed with my clit. He made me come and squirt.

He continued to be very hands on, and I was happy to have him fuck me. He fucked me from behind and I savored when he’d grab hold of me and give me a good fucking. I think in addition to touch I crave being “taken.” I’ve been thinking lately that I want to be able to role play becoming someone’s sex slave involuntarily. For some reason I get turned on by pretending I don’t want to do what I’m doing sexually. I want to be physically forced or encouraged to do things. I want to be be tied up (or cuffed, rather) and gagged.

But I digress. I toyed with his balls and such with my Siri vibrating. When he did eventually ask if I could get on top of his cock and ride, I was thoroughly into it. I fucked him, rocking myself back and forth on his cock. I came so close to orgasm. He kept taking me to the edge. It was almost as if I couldn’t get enough of his cock sliding in and out of me. I wanted to come so, so badly.

I had to stop when my hips got sore and tired. I can do straddling for only so long. I lay next to him and he had enjoyed the fuck wholeheartedly. I still wanted to come, so I calmly mentioned that yes, the fuck was amazing, but I had wanted to come so badly. Since I asked nicely, he helped me come by using his fingers. I squirted some more and was just bowled over by the feeling of his hands in my cunt, on my cunt, around my cunt.

Being the Out-of-Towners

Published on December 10, 2010 in anal, blow jobs, D/s, exhibitionism, musings, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sex, sex parties, shio, squirting, swinging, Uncategorized and vacation. 2 Comments

If you follow my twitter you know that MasterDoc and I went away on our first vacation together this week. We had a blast at Disney World and even managed to visit a local swing club while in Orlando.

I don’t think I had been to a swing club outside of New York City before, so the differences are interesting to me. In NYC, clubs are small because real estate is so costly. The club we visited last night was in an entire house. The privacy was great since it was down a lonesome road, and the driveway is gated off unless they’re open – not to mention the driveway from the road is long-ish. The first room you enter is a bar area with a pool table, stripper pole and seating. Soft drinks are provided as are cups and ice (unlike NYC you just serve yourself). There’s a sign telling you what your cup color means there – clear means you’re just mingling, red means you’re looking for a couple and orange means you’re looking for singles. It’s a nice way to communicate what you’re looking for on a given night.

The club was huge being the whole of a one floor house. The kitchen had snacks (very little since it was a weeknight – more on weekends), each room had clean sheets and towels handy (and a laundry basket for you to put used ones in). In NYC we usually have to get a staff person to change soaked sheets, but this place was more down to earth. I was concerned that no condoms were available – MasterDoc pointed out that condom use isn’t necessarily universal. I don’t like that notion. I hope it was just that they expected people to bring their own. We had brought our own condoms and lube. There were many rooms, many beds and three hot tubs (two outside on back deck and one interior tub), a sex swing, and two sybians. The guy working that night was very nice and gracious in that Southern way. I have to confess that like some Yankees, I have a stereotyped view of Southerners much of the time. I know it isn’t fair because the stereotype – ignorant, redneck, racists – is only going to be true a small portion of the time. Interestingly, there was far more interracial porn (and black porn) showing there than in the club we frequent in NYC (where there’s usually only white porn.) While the guests were predominantly white, there was an Asian guy, a south Asian couple and a black guy. Everyone seemed equally welcome.

Despite my stupid stereotyped idea of Southerners, (which IS totally stupid as I’ve known and adored various Southerners who are not anything like that stereotype) I have to admit that I do admire the southern hospitality and graciousness. Manners were far better and far more adhered to in Florida than they are in New York. I certainly had to look at my stereotypes and look at how culturally the region is different from where I’ve always lived in the northeast. Not better or worse, just different.

One nice thing was that the single guys were far more polite than in NYC. There were few couples there, and unfortunately the only couple that seemed interested was a couple MasterDoc wasn’t interested in. We ended up making our own fun, which you know we’re quite good at. Early in the evening, MasterDoc fucked me doggy style in one of the rooms. While I was busy being fucked a couple came in to watch appreciatively. MasterDoc teased me like he’s been doing lately – fucking me hard and pushing me towards orgasm. While I don’t ever want to give in and come without permission, part of me hopes that it accidentally happens since I’m so desperate for release by the time he lets me come. I came hard, and squirted all over the sheets. I could feel myself drench MasterDoc’s hand after he switched to fingering me while I came. I changed the sheets after.

A little later, when it was becoming more apparent that we weren’t likely to swap that night, MasterDoc decided to fuck me up the ass – something we haven’t done often in recent months. He lubed me up and talked dirty to me the whole time. He emphasized that he was going to fuck me up my tight asshole like the whore that I am. *swoon* He managed to push past my sphincter and gave me a good fucking. I needed extra lube (remember kids, you can never have too much lube during anal). Again he teased me, pushing me towards orgasm through fucking my ass. He let me come and it felt great to come again (and again). A little later he fucked me vaginally again and let a couple of the single guys touch my upper half while he did so. I was lost in pleasure. I love when I’m getting fucked (cock, fingers, dildo, or otherwise) and I lose track of everything around me. He fucked me into a state of frenzy again and let me come. What a fabulous night!

I sucked his cock a lot and seemed to be doing a really good job of it. I love making him twitch with pleasure. I deep throated him a lot and the blow jobs got all nice and wet. I’m getting much better at controlling my gag reflex. I can feel his cock head at the back of my throat and I focus on relaxing and leaving it there pressed against my throat. At those moments MasterDoc seems to be overcome with feeling good.

I was tired before it was all that late – having done so much walking and standing the past few days left me wiped out. (Wednesday night I was too tired for sex. Yes, you read that right. I crashed early and slept a long time. We fooled around a little on Tuesday night but I was pretty damn tired so I had to collapse and sleep before we had really done what we wanted to.) I felt satisfied and not interested in more sex, but I kept my opinion to myself and kept blowing MasterDoc on command like a good submissive. I did admit I was tired, but he wanted to come and I was happy to help him get there. I whispered in this ear about hot things we had done that night and I played with his groin and inner thighs. I licked his thighs for him and kept on going until he came. It was fantastic.

We bid the kind swingers of Orlando good night, and headed back to our hotel room. MasterDoc had hoped for more debauchery during our time away (like meeting a couple for a swap) but between fatigue and the constraints of time we didn’t get a chance. Still, it was a good vacation.

Fantasy is My Reality

Published on November 30, 2010 in analingus, attraction, bdsm, blow jobs, D/s, englishman, fantasy, horny, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, porn, sadism, sex, shio, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

I’ve lucked out and had fabulous sex the past two nights. I suppose it’s not luck, it’s the smart choice of being with MasterDoc. We seem so bonded now that we can just lean our heads together and soon we’re both twitching a little with arousal. Playing with his chest can be just as effective as licking his groin.

Last night we tried a good deal of deep throating. I actually managed to relax my throat for much longer periods than I have before. As I’m blowing him, I keep going til he’s deep in my throat. I love the noises he makes when I do that. It’s actually good that I gag a little because then the saliva starts flowing and I can give a good, wet, sloppy blow job. I only had a little trouble when we tried it with my head leaning over the bed. Still, I was willing to keep trying! (Yeah, you can call me Ms. Choksondik a la South Park.)

He also continued pushing my limits of orgasm control. Damn if I didn’t worry I was going to give in and come without permission! As he fucks me and I balance just below the peak of my arousal, I get more turned on thinking that I’m his cunt and he can fuck me for as long as he wants while I desperately moan and whimper, desperate for orgasm. I’m glad he didn’t give in to my whimpers (he’s a very generous Dom where orgasms are concerned) but pushed me. I was determined not to let him down and come un-ordered. (Granted, he has told me that since he’s pushing me, it’s not the end of the world if I slip and come – ONLY if it’s a genuine slip though. Goodness knows he can spot me lying a mile away.) When he did let me come, the throe ended up covered in squirty puddles. I don’t really mind laying on the wet throe. I guess it’s the hotness of knowing that dampness is my come. If it gave off an odor I may not be so keen on my come, but since it’s virtually odorless and evaporates easily I’m perfectly happy to get a little wet.

The night before, I had one of those, “I’m SUCH a pervert” moments while we watched more delightful porn from TheUpperFloor.com. I got turned on by Cherry Torn’s look of pain and later, the tears that ran down her face, while she tended to one guy’s cock and the other whipped her back with a dragon’s tail. I wanted to be that girl, although I’m not sure I can handle that pain. Also as I watched kink.com head honcho Peter Ackworth in a scene I realized that I have the hots for him. It’s an old turn-on for me – pasty English guys. Seriously, I love English, Scottish and Irish men. I’ve had all but Scottish at this point. (Um, any Scots in NYC out there?) I suppose I should throw in Welsh just to cover ALL of the UK and Ireland.

Another, newer turn on was the depersonalization of one of the slaves in the video wearing a hood. I’ve long had anxiety about hoods as I can freak out from difficulty breathing – I’ve had some severe asthma attacks in my time. But the holes in the hood looked adequate for breathing, and it was kinda hot to deprive her a bit of her senses while turning her into an object. (Yes, some feminists like women as sex objects! I think it should be done consensually, unlike most objectification of women in our culture. Therein lies the problem.)

I felt like MasterDoc had complete control over me. If he wants to make me come, he can. If he wants to keep me coming, he can. If he wants me to cool down he can do it as well. It was really fucking hot. The slightest touch and I’m jelly.

We’ve fucked in many positions the past couple of days. Doggy, missionary, me on top. The basic three. The serviceable three. The ones that work so we all keep coming back to them.

I’ve been working extra hard to be a good submissive this week. I’ve done lots of household chores without being asked. When he’s asked for me to do something I react right away and get it done – no moaning. It’s not been perfect but I’ve been doing well. Proof of that is when I licked his ass without complaint or making a face AND I tried hard to do it right. I tried pushing my tongue into his hole. I tried sucking a bit. Anything he’s taught me he likes, I tried. I managed to push my sense of gross-out to the side and I could appreciate the act as service and giving him pleasure.

I helped him come that night with caresses and playing with his ass, kneading the flesh with my hands. I felt like talking about hot things I’d like him to do to me, or I was fantasizing about at the time. But my usual hesitance kept me thinking, “What if?” What if I talk too much. What if he’s not into what I’m describing. Would it be hot and forward or inappropriate for a sub? Stupid hesitance won out as usual. Blogging about this ensures that MasterDoc will talk to me about this, particularly if he does want me spewing a dirty stream of fantasy from my mouth.

Cane Stripes and Squirting

Published on November 27, 2010 in bdsm, bondage, caning, cunt, D/s, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, restraints, sadism, sex, shio, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

This week, with so much time spent alone with MasterDoc, has been great. The sex has been amazing. Now I know it’s always amazing, but to get so much of it, all to myself has been divine.

This weekend he’s away visiting another girlfriend, and I don’t really have any plans. I hope to get stuff done that perhaps I’m putting off (packing up things I need to return or exchange). When MasterDoc called me up Thursday to say he’s changed his plans for the weekend (I had expected to see him), I put my new-found effort of being a good sub to the test. I felt grumpy when he told me, but I kept it to myself. Then, I took the time to weigh the issue as soon as we got off the phone – was it worth getting upset over? I realized that no, some time to myself this weekend wasn’t a big deal. I think part of why it seemed like a big deal to me last week is that I had had such a craptacular week at work. This week has been interrupted by the holiday, so I’m in a better place overall.

In the meantime, MasterDoc gave me cane stripes on my inner thighs – and made me come from it. (They’ve sadly faded.) He had secured me down with the underbed restraints. The inner thigh caning teetered on the edge of being highly arousing and hurting. The line was crossed back and forth a few times. I think it still amazes me that I can come from pain. Before I met MasterDoc I only identified as sub. But after a while in my relationship with him I realized that I’m a masochist too. (But I don’t consider myself a pain slut.)

He slapped my pussy to orgasm, and I could hear him chuckling as I squirted and his slaps became wet and splashy. I was coming, so I had no ability to say, “Hey, stop laughing!” Of course, being mid-orgasm I could give a shit about him laughing. My priorities are in the right place – orgasm first.

I rode his cock and came so much after he teased me for a bit. I find that when I’ve exercised before sex my poor hip and thigh muscles get more of a workout during fucking. I can often push myself past where I think can go, just because the feel of his cock inside me distracts me from muscle fatigue. After I came, I kept his cock inside me and got so used to sitting on it that I forgot it was in when I got off abruptly. Yeah, saying, “I forgot it was in there!” is never a good thing to say to a guy. Luckily he knew what I meant.

He was so kind to fuck me from on top since my body was tired out. I felt so turned on that I could feel the head of his cock slide through my vaginal canal in detail. Each time it went by, my highly sensitized cunt was overwhelmed by the feeling of pressure of his cock head. He made me come that day until I thought I’d pass out – a couple of times. He said recently that he wants to try to push me to see if he can force me to come without permission. He was definitely working on that! It felt amazing, but I could manage to pull myself back from the edge enough to not go over without his command but I totally didn’t want to stop myself. I know he knows me well, however, and would know if I came without trying to stop myself. Luckily, he gave the command to come a few times.

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MasterDoc and I will be vacationing in Orlando, FL shortly. If anyone in that area is interested in paying to see our usual show of him dominating me, drop me a line via the form on this blog.

Brat

Published on November 25, 2010 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, D/s, dom, edge play, embarrassment, emotions, gags, horny, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, musings, non-monogamy, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, sadism, sex, shio, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

While emotional outbursts, for me, are often caused by depression or anxiety issues, sometimes I’m just being a spoiled brat. Last Saturday I got cranky and pouty because the evening I thought I was to have alone with MasterDoc got changed around when DeeDee didn’t leave for her Thanksgiving trip for an extra day. So of course since she’s away this week, MasterDoc opted to spend time alone with her that night.

I think the pouting worked in some way for me growing up, otherwise why do I default to it so often? It’s immature and pretty counterproductive. (Especially with MasterDoc, he likes things to be calm and me having a childish fit doesn’t help that.) He spoke with me that day and while I cried over some things that bother me, I ultimately left his place feeling happy. I had plans to see him for definite on Sunday afternoon, and Monday evening AND Tuesday evening. He was right when he pointed out, “What’s one evening’s delay?” Nothing really.

When I saw him Sunday I got a lecture about my behavior and while I agree that I was certainly being a brat, I don’t think all my displeasure was unfounded. But I’ll leave those details between myself and my Dom. He tossed out the theory that since I was an only child (for nearly 11 years), and developed that sense of entitlement many only children develop, that having it taken away so abruptly (at the dawn of puberty no less) has left me feeling the need to count every minute, every task I do, etc. and demand as much time and as much recognition for my work as possible. It’s pretty obnoxious when I think about it. But there was always this, “Hey that’s not fair!” thing going on with my brother and me. Becoming a sister was a far rougher transition than I had thought it would be. But what did I know at 10 years old? I resented my poor brother for many years, and only as we’ve both become adults have I taken the time to apologize.

I really can be a dysfunctional shit sometimes. I’m lucky my friends love me despite my flaws.

So it’s time for me to refocus on my attitude and my service. This is something I’ve decided in light of my recent behavior. I will try to not mentally keep tabs on all tasks I do versus what DeeDee does. I will try to be more gracious when plans change. I will try to be a better submissive.

After our discussion, there was much pleasurable cock sucking and choking. I enthusiastically blew him for as long as possible. When we lay close to each other, he made me come on command a few times. When he brought up the idea of piss play, he really hit the nail on the head when he pressed me to admit I want him to piss on me. I couldn’t deny it, although I really wanted to. The humiliation that came with it was hot, however.

He didn’t piss on me that day, but I did ride his cock for a good long time. It was quite a full-body exercise! It seemed like he drew out the teasing phase before each orgasm, and I just loved it. While I am desperate for release, I’m also enjoying how it feels to be brought to the edge of orgasm. Stimulation feels good!

Monday and Tuesday evenings were spent with MasterDoc as well. There was some really hot sex Monday night and MasterDoc talked me through being able to handle a ball gag without gagging. The trick is to breathe slowly through the nose. If you breathe too quickly it narrows the nasal passages and you get less air. I also found that having my head tilting down or to the side helped too – the saliva didn’t pool at the back of my throat so much as dribble out, so I didn’t feel like I was drowning in spit. The gag is pretty loose and at one point while tantalizing me, MasterDoc pulled on it. It fit snugly in between my lips and the very act of him doing that made me so hot as my head was pulled back. (I’m twitching right now in remembrance.) There was more marvelous fucking – this time with him on top.

I am a damn lucky bitch.

Tuesday was quieter, but he made me come like crazy after I warmed myself up with masturbation. I think there was also quite a bit of caning. After two consecutive days of great sex, I was feeling pretty content and doing less on Tuesday wasn’t a big deal.

I’m sure I’m leaving stuff out or have changed the evenings when a particular activity occured. This is what comes of not having as much time to write lately. I get to see MasterDoc tomorrow and after just a day away from him I’m ready for nooky again.

Endlessly Horny Slut

Published on November 17, 2010 in anal, analingus, bdsm, D/s, edge play, embarrassment, happy, horny, humiliation play, kink, libido, masturbation, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, porn, prostate massage, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, slut, squirting, submissive, trust, Uncategorized and wax play. 0 Comments

I often think that time spent alone with MasterDoc in sexual situations can’t get any better. And then they do.

Early in the evening he was talking about how he canceled an “orgasm on command” demonstration he was planning at a party we’re going to Friday. I spoke up, saying that I really think it wouldn’t be a problem him making me come with just a touch and a word – even in front of an audience. He turned towards me on the sofa and said, “Oh really?” His hand caressed my face and he twined his fingers in my hair. “So you think you could come just from my command?” I was twitching a little and breathing heavy by this time and I answered, “Yes, Sir.”

“Then you can come.” The full-body cascade came over me and my left hand shot out and impotently grabbed at his nearest thigh. I was still dressed in my work clothes, and we hadn’t any foreplay whatsoever. Even as he gave me the command a small part of me doubted I could come, but I am so conditioned now that not coming wasn’t an option. Thankfully I didn’t squirt in my work pants (although many of you pervs out there would have loved reading about that!).

A phone call came in for him immediately after, and I caught my breath, stunned, while he spoke on the phone.

Later, after we had both had dinner, bathed and gotten ready for sex, I put on a video from theupperfloor.com. (Thanks again to the person who shared their password with me! Hawt stuff!) He had me plug in the HDMI cable so we could see the porn on the big screen tv. Just watching the goings on of training the house slaves got me so hot. We both loved a scene where Cherry Torn had a knife handle (dinner knife) slid up her ass, and then the magic wand was vibrated against the part sticking out. I thought to myself that it would be super hot for me to disappear to the kitchen and return with a table knife, but something in me prevented me from just doing that. I really need to be more proactive.

He had told me minutes before to get an ass toy that he could use to warm up my ass. Earlier I had pointed out it was a long time since we had anal sex, and he took that under consideration. I returned with an ass toy – silicone, sorta rippled, with a handle to press against the perineum.

With lube and toy in hand he had me get on hands and knees. I leaned against the sofa arm. He worked the toy into my ass and I was moaning before much really started. The idea of him violating my ass was just too, too hot. I wasn’t quite sure what was going on at various times, but fuck, it felt good. He teased me and my whole body tingled with excitement. Satisfied that he had heated me up, we adjourned to the bedroom with the porn.

I’ve been feeling extremely horny and slutty in recent days. I’m sure many of you are saying in disbelief, “Only in recent days?!” Since the feeling of shift I wrote about last week, I’ve felt like some blocks about doing things MasterDoc wants me to do are starting to disappear. (Not all of them sadly, but a few key ones.) On some levels, I live for pleasing him. I’m starting to fantasize about him doing things I formerly thought of as hard limits.

In the bedroom, he told me to get a toy that’s larger than the first one for preparing my ass for fucking. I used a slender, red-sparkle silicone dildo to work my ass and soon I was fucking myself with it like a bitch in heat. He really enjoyed watching this and let me come after a while.

He was ready to fuck my ass himself, and we tried to figure out the best position. Unfortunately this hesitation led to difficulties getting it in (a cock needs to be super hard for anal) so we took a break. (Note to gentlemen of a certain age: As this entry will demonstrate, you can still satisfy and drive a woman wild even if your cock isn’t cooperating. Seriously, as much as I love cock it is not the only thing that will get me off/make me happy.)

He made me come a ton of times via command and molesting my body. He decided that it would help him get hard for me to lick his ass. Normally I’d have been hesitant to get there, but that block I mentioned that seems to have moved? I didn’t really have a problem getting my tongue into his asshole as best I could. I really tried very hard to make him feel good. I’m enjoying more and more feeling like he’s in control and that makes it easier to do things I don’t like to do. By verbal command, he made me come TWICE while I licked his ass. As I started to come the first time I thought to myself, “Damn you!” because of the embarrassment of orgasming while my tongue was on his asshole.

At this point, is there anything this man can’t do to make me come?

During one of our interludes (while I tried to recover from so many orgasms), he declared that everything points to enforced exercise. Fuuuuuck! He’s decided that if I do squats I’m allowed to come when I can. He emphasized that the point wasn’t doing squats until I’m sore and exhausted, just a few until I can manage to come knowing he’s given me permission to come. I cringe at the very idea of coming from exercise. But if anyone can make me do it, he can. We shall see.

We fooled around for two hours or so, and a couple of times he kept making me come long past the point where I thought I could. In my exhaustion, I nearly begged him to stop. Nearly. I’m digging this forced orgasms thing though.

His cock cooperated towards the end of the evening, and he fucked me up the ass. I didn’t hear him give me permission to come so I rode the edge the entire time. It felt pretty damn amazing. (Note to Doms: Please give commands to come loudly and clearly, because if the sub has to ask, “What did you say, Sir?” it decreases the arousal just enough to limit the ensuing orgasm.)

More porn was watched. I fantasized about him pissing in my mouth as he went off to use the bathroom. I started masturbating before he came back. Since it seemed pretty clear we were “done” as far as getting me off, I considered my clit tickling to be masturbation and came at will. He joined me again on the bed, and a few moments later told me to come after I had already started, and I just kept coming and coming. I had squirted even before he gave me the command to come. It’s amazing how fast I can rub my clit when I’m aroused.

He wanted a prostate massage, so I worked his ass over for a while. I was really getting into it. We heard DeeDee come in during this, and MasterDoc decided to delay his orgasm. We said hello to DeeDee, heard about her date, and I voiced a need for cuddles and aftercare.

We cuddled. And just being close to him turns me on so very much. It gives me a helpless feeling, the way I get wildly aroused around him. Soon I was licking his “spot” and realizing that indeed, “spot worship” has become a fetish for me. Yes, I will admit, the middle of his hairy chest turns me on. I talked about how I would love for him to come in my mouth and then I’d play with rubbing his come all over my chest. The fantasy was so strong! It wasn’t in the cards though.

He still wanted to come so he had me help by giving him an ass massage as he jerked off. I tried my best to tune in and notice his reactions. To press firmly against his asshole and perineum in a way that would feel good. My fingers made him twitch for a while after he had shot his load. Even though I was tired by this point, my submissive nature helped me focus and enjoy making him come. Even though there were so many delicious orgasms last night, I wanted to be his endlessly horny slut. I’d certainly stop playing when he asked me to, but I aimed to be eager and ready at all times. Accomplishing this wasn’t too hard.

Is it any wonder I hesitate to try to fuck another guy? Without MasterDoc taking control how can another guy fucking me be anywhere near as hot as when I fuck MasterDoc? But if he told me to fuck a roomful of strangers it would be the hottest thing ever, and I would do it under his watchful eye. I am his slut. There is no denying that.

When It Rains, It Pours

Published on October 31, 2010 in attraction, bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, caning, cunt, D/s, dating, exhibitionism, flogging, humiliation play, kink, lesbian, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex parties, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive, sybian and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I have to catch up here. I had some fun this week and haven’t posted about it yet!

Tuesday night I had alone with MasterDoc. It was the first time I’d had cock in a while and I was so ready for it. My muscles were tired (legs and arms in particular) from getting back to exercising, so I had to fight muscle fatigue while being fucked. I lay over the Liberator Axis, putting as much of my weight on it as possible. He fucked me hard enough to make me squirt and fucked me til I was exhausted. I collapsed over the axis, so very tired but also so very satisfied.

Luckily I was less tired when MasterDoc and I went to a kink party later in the week. It was one of those fabulous parties held by Sofija‘s former (?) Dom. The “Dom Arms Race” as MasterDoc calls it continues, with MasterDoc providing the sybian, the guy with the fucking machine providing that and another guy providing a spanking machine. Of course MasterDoc decided I would be a guinea pig for it. I stood where the guy told me to and the plexiglass paddle swung out via hydraulics when MasterDoc pushed the button. I have to be honest, it was pretty lame. It barely hurt. MasterDoc tried it a few times, but the consensus was that an actual spanking was far superior.

We had set up the sybian in the back of the party on a mat the host provided for us. MasterDoc did his best to charm the ladies into taking rides, but as usual there’s a lot of hesitancy until someone has demonstrated.

MasterDoc had me lean over a chair with my dress hiked up (it could only go as far as my leather waist cincher). He gave my ass a good going over with hands, crop, cane and flogger. I was delighted that the spanking went on for quite a while – he’s been pushing my limits lately. He’d also play with my cunt every now and then but didn’t bring me to orgasm. I was horny to begin with, and super horny after. My ass was quite sore after the crop, cane, flogger and his hands. He had me suck his cock and he fucked my mouth with it. I could tell he was enjoying having an audience as he so often does. I got into it too and rubbed his cock over my face, peering up at him as he stood over me. I do like me a rough, messy blow job these days.

We wandered the party a bit, and I whispered in his ear how horny I was. He pulled me close for a kiss and I swooned. Since I was so horny, he decided I’d be first to ride the sybian (as I often am). I came in the way that only horsepower can cause. I screamed, repeatedly. It felt amazing! He seemed to try to bury my head in his shoulder a bit to muffle my delighted screams. I could feel the squirt coming out of my cunt a few times and the liquid would roll past my thighs down the curved sides of the sybian. When we finished and I climbed off, I was surprised to not see much come on the mat. A bit later, however, we moved the sybian and there was a huge circle of girl come underneath. (!)

I lay on the mat resting and MasterDoc brought me some soda. “Guess who’s here?” he asked. I shook my head like I had no idea and then he told me Blondie was there. “Oh cool!” With a date. “Oh probably one of the subs she proDommes.” Her date is a woman. “Oh.” I had a momentary twinge of jealousy but then I moved on. It’s not like I don’t know she dates others (as do I!). It was lovely to see her unexpectedly. Her friend was very cool. What could have been awkward worked itself out and was quite pleasant. I watched Blondie tie up a guy, crop him, etc. As she did so she would bend over in the very short dress she was wearing. MasterDoc and I stared at her ass. MasterDoc hit it off with her friend, but of course it turned out she’s a lesbian.

As I waited outside the ladies’ room to wash off the sybian attachment, I ran into Sofija. I wondered if that could get awkward – the woman I’m actively dating and one I’ve had a long flirtation with in the same place. Sofija sexily took hold of the ring on my collar and apologized for being too busy to get together with me. She asked if I forgave her for it. I got a goofy grin on my face and my brain turned to mush. Of course I told her I wasn’t mad at her. She looked smokin’ hot. She’s tall, very curvy, her large boobs always out and available during these parties. She has curvy hips, curvy butt. Curves in all the right places. I took the liberty of playing with her tits a tiny bit. She leaned in and kissed me before moving on to her next flirtation.

After a bit, Sofija showed up by the sybian and had me hold her drink so she could get a ride. MasterDoc had me play with her during the ride and I caressed her thighs, her bountiful tits, her ass. Rowr. Just as she was worn out her (former? the current relationship isn’t clear) Dom made her get on again and come some more.

Blondie’s friend got a horsey ride and Blondie helped. She put a blindfold on her and, secured her arms behind her back. MasterDoc says it’s interesting giving sybian rides to lesbians, as they are very hesitant to lean forward onto him for support. I enjoyed watching the ride although her friend was conspicuously quiet. I don’t know that she came, but she did call the experience awesome.

Blondie and her friend didn’t play together, I’m not sure if that had anything to do with me being there or if they just came to the party as companions. Blondie stated early on that she wanted to beat some male ass pretty hard that night. She got the chance a couple of times. I could see her through the windowed room feeding baby food to the adult baby who comes to these parties. Later, I saw her giving him a firm “bare-hand” (with glove) spanking.

MasterDoc wanted me to try the fucking machine again. It didn’t work properly last time. I was strapped into massage chair set up like a gynecologist’s chair. MasterDoc applied lube and the large dildo was inserted. Mostly the machine hurt. It poked my cervix. I hated it. Of course, not being turned on worked against me. Perhaps if I had been ravenously horny I would have felt differently? I later described the experience as being “less fun than a gynecologist visit.”

As MasterDoc gave another sybian ride or two, I got to chat with Blondie a bit. She asked if I minded her reading this blog and I pointed out that I’m quite used to people reading the blog. Since it’s public and she knows about it, I’d expect that she might read it. I try to be kind to people on here (and have nothing bad to say about her anyway). I have no reason to be a bully. The only person I truly talk badly about here is the asshole who sexually assaulted me.

It was getting late, and I was growing tired. When I said goodbye to Sofija she said she really needs to get together with me as I’m so sexy. Rowr! We shared a lovely kiss goodbye.

MasterDoc and I gave Blondie a ride to the subway. She gave MasterDoc a hug from the backseat as she said goodbye, and gave me a kiss on the lips.

The following day, there was proof of “when it rains, it pours.” Stacina, who I had flirted with months ago and kept getting thwarted in fooling around with her when she came over to MasterDoc’s, joined us for lunch as she’s no longer engaged. I got a nice kiss on the lips hello, but otherwise the afternoon was quite chaste. She had back and pain issues so she wasn’t feeling up to MasterDoc’s seduction. Pity. But it was nice to hang out with her again. Suddenly the women I’ve been interested in have reappeared!

I Like It Rough

Published on October 25, 2010 in bdsm, caning, D/s, horny, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, porn, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

After my vacation started off fairly “MasterDoc-free,” he made up for lost time this weekend. He stayed at my place (first time I’ve had someone sleep over in the new place) and we found that sharing my full-sized bed is tough, but we can manage it.

Friday I had a hard time getting into the sexual mood. When I haven’t seen much of him for a period of time, I feel like I need to reconnect first. Any attempts at sex on Friday fizzled. But by Saturday I was in a better mood. We watched a video from kink.com’s “The Upper Floor” (many thanks to the person who shared their password with me). It got me so hot and wet! But MasterDoc decided we should exercise and get errands done first. Phooey. So I not only did yoga (when I was already sore from the day before), we also walked to the thrift store and got him some “new” pants since his old ones are too big now (yay weight loss!). By the end of the walk I was in pain – my legs from working them too much, and my shoulders from working them (downward facing dog anyone?) but also carrying around a heavy purse when we went shopping. Many varieties of pain relievers were taken Saturday night to combat my extremely sore shoulders.

As part of our errands we went back to MasterDoc’s place. DeeDee was out, so we got in some play time (I have most of my toys at his place). He flogged, spanked, caned and paddled me roughly. This was perfect because I was thinking to myself as he set up, “I want him to hurt me. I really want him to be rough.” He pushed my limits of pain and left welts on my ass that I could feel a few minutes later. (Frustratingly, the beating left nothing but one small bruise.) Watching the porn earlier had put me in a very distinct mood for pain and roughness. I love when he grabs my hair, or puts his hand at my throat. I want to be slapped across the face. I was also thinking how I love it when it feels like he’s molesting me. I like the porn from The Upper Floor because much of it was the stuff of my fantasies. Being a slave/sub being manhandled and used as your “betters” see fit. If you haven’t been exposed to that site at all, the theme is that it takes place in a bdsm household where the slaves are trained and used. The women in it are younger and in much better shape than me, I couldn’t possibly hold some of the positions they managed to hold for extended periods of time. Sometimes there’s parties and the slaves are used sexually by a variety of dominants. Fucking hot.

He made me come, partly after the caning and partly during the caning. He’s good at making me come then inflicting pain so that the pain becomes part of the pleasure. Despite my sore body it felt so good to come hard again after a few days of abstaining. (Silly of me to hold back though, I really should have made a point of masturbating.)

We headed back to my place for dinner and I hoped that wasn’t all the sex we were having. I was so horny! After dinner, we checked out more porn on The Upper Floor. We ended up on my bed, both playing with ourselves while watching. I think it’s true that men are more visually-oriented than women. While I get hot watching porn, I crave physical contact. I craved him being rough with me. I didn’t just want to watch someone else get roughed up – I wanted it too. I stopped masturbating at one point because my desire was fizzling by the minute. I reached out to stroke his chest, hoping that initiating touch would lead to me being touched. We ended up talking a little and I raised the issue of my desires with him. He lent a hand making me come and slapping my thighs. He grabbed my throat and held me firmly, but not too tight.

Since there are times when I seem to want more sex than MasterDoc does, he’s decided that if I want more after he’s made me come I should let him know I’m going to go masturbate. This way he can gauge just how much coming I crave. I took him up on this and got hold of the Hitachi a few minutes later and put the porn back on. He joined me on the bed for more hair grabbing which helped me come super hard. I squirted all over my throe and just kept the Hitachi buzzing at my clit for the longest time.

That felt good. No, great.

Sunday, we watched more porn which of course led to more fooling around. He massaged my sore shoulders for me, but spanked my ass hard in between. I tried very hard not to cry out too loud, as my apartment is small and I’m sure sound must travel into the hallway a bit. (At least enough to hear as you walk by. That’s all I’ve noticed from other apartments in my building.) He’d grab my cunt and slap and rub it roughly. The shoulder massage turned into part of the bdsm by how much it hurt when he massaged them deeply.

He had me flip over, and asked me what insertables I have around. I think I only have one of my favorite silicone dildoes at my place and I got that out. I also grabbed lube.

He realized that the dildo could be used to beat me, and he went at my clit, thighs and nipples with it. He toyed around with it at the entrance to my cunt, and then slowly slid it in. As he fucked me with it, I so wanted to come! He’d intersperse hurting me with fucking me with the dildo. He used the Hitachi on me only momentarily, then he went back to the dildo. He told me to come and jesus, I not only came over and over again, I squirted the most I’ve squirted in a while. The throe was soaked! I could feel the liquid run beneath my thighs. I lay there spent afterward.

He gave me a new assignment. I am to masturbate at least once, preferably twice, a week and report to him on it. I should send him an email with when I did it, what I was thinking about (or watching) while I did it, and what did I use (my hands, vibrator, etc.).

Where oh where has my writing mojo gone?

Published on October 22, 2010 in anal, bdsm, bondage, caning, cunt, D/s, flogging, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, prostate massage, restraints, sadism, spanking and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

I’m having a difficult time writing this week. I’ve been having one of those weeks where polyamory is a struggle. Sometimes it’s an absolute joy, but it can also be a struggle.

I’m on vacation this week, and had expected that I would spend a lot of time with MasterDoc. Plans changed and he spent last weekend mostly with his one non-sub girlfriend (who he only sees about once a month). Then he was going to have a night alone with me when DeeDee went to fetch her daughter for a weekend visit, but her trip got canceled. The result has been that I feel like I’m last. I feel like I have to always be the patient one and suck it up and act all happy no matter what. This isn’t really true, especially not in the extreme way I expressed it just now, but sometimes one’s feelings aren’t rational and accurate – they just are.

I did get to spend time alone with MasterDoc on Monday afternoon. We had a fun time with my new wrist ties (free gift-with-purchase from Liberator when I got a second throe.). He used them to tie me to the headboard; I was kinda hoping he’d use them to secure my arms together. I think sometimes MasterDoc is not only “rope-challenged” but also “bondage-challenged.” He doesn’t always see how bondage can be erotic, he seems to just dwell on how it limits me – in a bad way (“How are you going to suck my cock like that?”), rather than focusing on how it limits me – in a good way. (You can violate me six ways to Sunday, Sir while I’m tied up helpless.) This is merely a difference in how we see the possibilities of bondage. I’ve explained it to him and he seems to be getting a better idea of why I find it so hot.

He used the crop on me – inner thighs, pussy. He had also brought the cane and used it directly on my clit. This isn’t as painful as you would think, as he just used the tip of it and couldn’t get a good “whack” going without potentially missing the mark. He managed to make me come from this stimulation. I never expected I would have an orgasm thanks to being clit spanked with a cane. I’m constantly discovering new turn-ons – and I think that in general many things that aren’t a turn-on with someone else are a turn-on with MasterDoc by virtue of the fact that he’s so hot and knows me so well. He grabbed my hair, which always works. I’m growing my hair in a bit, so he will definitely have something to grab a hold of.

My back has been bothering me lately, so I asked MasterDoc for a back massage. As turned on as I was at that point, the back massage turned erotic immediately. He started massaging my body with his head – he says it’s strangely intimate (though rough on his neck). He rolled and pressed his head all along my back. I thought it felt wonderful and love when he’s creative. I came again from the massage. One of these days he will make me come from a cold start. I can see it coming.

He hadn’t come in a while and he wanted me to make him come with a butt toy. (He was originally going to use one on me, but got distracted. These things happen.) He lay on his side and I massaged his butt and asshole to loosen things up. I lubed him up well, used a finger to massage right inside his anus, then slowly put the toy in. I rubbed my body against his as I put pressure on the toy so it hit his prostate. He stroked his cock at the same time. He told me to come when he did – I didn’t expect it but I came uncontrollably.

Unfortunately, that wonderful interlude was swept away a short time later by the first migraine headache I’ve had in years. With my head throbbing it was impossible to keep the glowing feeling I felt after sex. But MasterDoc took care of me and I tried to sleep through the worst of it.

I saw him again on Tuesday, but even though MasterDoc is one of the most even-keeled people I know, he had an off day. He was worried about something and this made him uncharacteristically distant and grumpy. I enjoyed watching episodes of Dexter with DeeDee and let him have his space.

That evening, he was feeling better and took me in the bedroom. He gave me a good spanking using the paddle, his hands, the crop and the cane. He indulged in some objectification by pulling my ass apart and inspecting my body. He inspected my pussy, commenting on it all the while. He gently pried open my ass and lubed it well. Something slid into my ass, I had a hard time determining which toy it was. Apparently it was a plain silicone dildo. He fucked me with it, and I started to rock back and forth and moan with the desperation of a woman in need of an orgasm. I whine and whimper much like a dog when I’m on the verge and desperate for his permission to come. I wordlessly implore him to let me come.

The teasing ends, he has me come and I came like a banshee. (Do banshees come? I guess I meant I shrieked like a banshee, with pleasure.)

I had hoped for more play later, but after a rough day MasterDoc just wanted to watch the Yankee game. My bout of insecurity started to blossom and unfortunately came to a head the next day.

But all is well now. And he’s supposed to be spending the weekend with me at my place. Hopefully my writing mojo will come back.