Archive for the 'non-monogamy' Category

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DP

Published on May 17, 2011 in anal, analingus, bdsm, blow jobs, consensual non-consent, cunt, D/s, DeeDee, dom, dp, horny, kink, libido, masturbation, nipple clamps, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, poly, prostate massage, sex, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive, swinging, threesome and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I’m a naughty girl and terribly behind in my blogging again. I took notes for two of the three encounters I’ve enjoyed since midweek, but fleshing them out has taken a backseat.

Last Wednesday I had a night alone with MasterDoc and he put the easier nipple clamps on (i.e., not clover clamps). I got into the pain. It wasn’t as unbearable as the clover clamps. He pinched and twisted them, too and placed the clamps’ chain between my teeth. The problem with that was I had to hold my head up off the pillow to reach the chain and a sore neck was not the intention.

I should mention that MasterDoc is a considerate Dom. If I speak up about something I’d like more of than we’ve been doing, he will take my wishes under consideration – and often the item at hand will come up in our sex soon after. The nipple play was a recent request – I’m not sure why that became something he didn’t really do for a while. Such things happen. I’ve also mentioned that I love his talking dirty to me. He did that on Wednesday and said he liked having my body to play with. I just swooned into his arms. He very nearly could have made me come there.

My neck was bothering me, and my body sore and tired from exercise and a long day, so we shifted to me using the Siri vibe on myself since needed to lay flat for a while. MasterDoc touched me to add that fabulous element to my masturbation, but in some respects he was too gentle. I missed the raw dirty talk he had been giving me just a short time before. That night, I had a hard time with getting and staying aroused. I blame the fatigue. I did come. Just not the way I usually do.

He fucked from on top with the blindfold on and while I suppose I often find that hot, I found that not being able to see him reduced my arousal. Phooey. As I’ve said, these things happen.

He fucked me doggy style next. Again I had problems getting and staying aroused. But he managed to push me to orgasm before we were through. Sometimes the push was verbal – yay more dirty talk! Finally, I helped him come via massaging his thighs and ass, then licked his asshole like he likes and finally finished things off with a prostate massage.

It’s kinda funny now to think that analingus was a hard limit when I filled in a bdsm checklist when I first met MasterDoc.

Saturday night we had fabulous sex that lifted me from the mild depression I was in. I didn’t take notes. My sieve-like brain can’t remember details. Yeah I suck. But the sex was awesome and you will just have to trust me. Unfortunately, when we went back to hanging out after the sex my mildly depressed and rather withdrawn mood returned. Ordinarily there would have been another round, but I felt so tired from the depression that I wasn’t up to it.

On Sunday, we had over another Dom who contacted MasterDoc on fetlife after reading my profile where I say that if a Dom wants to play with me, they should contact my Dom as it’s his decision. This was perfect timing since we’ve come to realize that I need someone to play with so I get enough sex – and that totally vanilla sex probably wouldn’t work for me for an ongoing fuck buddy situation. I have a high sex drive, and while MasterDoc certainly does too, he likes variety and dates or fucks various women so his high libido is shared with many.

Well this other Dom is a very attractive guy, in his 40s, and really into rough sex and being down and dirty. I don’t usually go for athletic builds (it’s not on my list of must have criteria in a man, though it’s certainly not a deal breaker or anything) but I have to say I do appreciate the lean, muscled body this Dom has developed. He has experience wrestling and uses it to good effect in a bdsm setting. But perhaps I’m jumping ahead…..

MasterDoc had me sitting on floor at his feet when “another Dom” came in. (I need a pseudonym for him.) DeeDee answered the door in her sexy maid’s outfit – I find the maid outfit embarrassing on me, but DeeDee loves the theatricality of it.

We talked for a bit – mostly he and MasterDoc – and then MasterDoc indicated we should adjourn to the bedroom. I don’t get MFM threesomes often, and damn I enjoy them. MasterDoc had me start off by sucking his cock. During this he invited the guy over to grab my ass. (I was in a bra and sexy black slip.) The other guy slapped my ass – hard! He seems to have a heavier hand than most. Not sure I can handle such hard hits, which I spoke up about of course, as did MasterDoc and the guy laid off the hard spanks.

This guy goes for the gusto when having sex and after just a brief bit of dirty talk in my ear, he went for my pussy and decided to see if I truly do squirt. His fingers made me come in no time. Of course I held off until MasterDoc told me to come. I squirted a whole lot. The throe was soaked.

Next I sucked the new guy’s cock. There was lots of gagging, with saliva flowing. He spit on my face – the first time I’d ever experienced it. I wasn’t sure if I’d like it but I did find it kinda hot. MasterDoc was uncomfortable that something as edgy as spitting would be brought in without negotiation (I concur). That got addressed a bit later.

MasterDoc fucked me while I sucked the guy’s cock. This was Hot! (With a capital “h”) Then they switched and the other guy fucked me while I sucked MasterDoc’s cock. (Again, hot with a capital “h.”) Next the guy fucked me up the ass (I seem to be making this “anal upon first meeting” thing a habit.) He made me come a whole lot while fucking my ass.

I can’t even begin to estimate how many times I came that evening.

We took a break, but as dinner had not yet arrived, after a conversation on limits we went back for more. MasterDoc suggested we try double penetration – I’ve never experienced it, just frustrating attempts. MasterDoc lay on the bed, I got on top of his cock, then the other guy went to work his cock into my ass. It was still hard to get proper angle – my butt’s a bit sore from where it was poked before he got it in. But the struggling was brief, and holy shit it worked! It felt… like I was being fucked in two holes at once. I know that sounds self-explanatory but it’s the only way I can think to describe it. While I felt quite filled it wasn’t uncomfortable like I had worried it would be. Both orifices expanded to make each penetration comfortable in and of itself. As they both fucked me I just kept on coming over and over. Good, primal, grunting and screaming orgasms.

After a break for dinner, the guy was up for one more fuck. We went into the bedroom and I sucked his cock, gagging on it. He had me lay on the bed and he fucked me from on top. He pinned me down – there’s that wrestler skill! – and fucked me like there’s no tomorrow. Dude is in shape. I couldn’t believe how long he fucked me at a hard, relentless pace. Most guys can’t do that. Of course, I loved it. He put his hand on face from time to time, holding my head to the side while he continued to fuck me. This was hot and would inevitably make me come harder. I began to wonder which of us would ask to stop first. He did, but I was pretty fucked-out by that time myself.

Since this went well, I’m free to schedule casual fucks with this guy when I have free time. Neither of us has a lot of free time, and who knows how often it will coincide, but it’s nice to think there’s another cock out there I can call on when I need something extra – a cock that comes with rough sex.

Awesome, Awesome Night

Published on May 4, 2011 in bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, bondage, couple, cunt, D/s, dom, embarrassment, exhibitionism, flogging, forced orgasm, foursome, horny, humiliation play, kink, lesbian, masochism, masturbation, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, restraints, sex, sex parties, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive, swinging and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

On Monday night we went to the swing club since I had off the next day. On the way there, MasterDoc pulled the car over by a porn store, the type with the porn booths that MasterDoc likes taking ladies to. I was feeling easily embarrassed somehow and hoped that perhaps this wasn’t happening. But he dragged me in, I felt super shy as we nodded hello to the guy working behind the counter. We got to the booths and I figured I was in the clear when there were no people there, but he walked me back out into the store where the employees were. He stood me in front of him, ostensibly looking at a display of porn box covers and started caressing my shoulders and grabbing hold of my hair. Fuck. He knows me. He knows the slight humiliation of getting turned on in public, and how he can do that to me effortlessly, would turn me on. My body twitched a bit, giving away my increasingly aroused state.

Thankfully, we were only there a short while. In the car as we continued to the club he said, “I should have a least let the guy who works there have a grope.” I’m sure I blushed at this. At the club, we met one of our usual pals there and had a nice chit chat. Veronica is the bartender but she also amuses the single guys. After the chat, MasterDoc went to use the restroom, and I felt shy while waiting alone. If guy comes over to me, I’m never sure if flirting is okay as MasterDoc decides who I play with. I probably seem like an aloof bitch sometimes. I assure you, it’s shyness rather than bitchiness. It also stems from knowing that giving some guys the least bit of polite attention will have them pursuing you all night long.

I watched the porn on the big screen. “Hey, is that Paris Hilton?” I thought. I usually disdain Ms. Hilton, but I gained a smidgen of respect (!) as I watched her blow her boyfriend. The girl’s got skillz.

I ask for a cuddle when MasterDoc gets back and he agreed we could use a cuddle. We hadn’t seen each other in a couple of days and therefore hadn’t cuddled. The cuddle turned into a little making out and him caressing my body. It amazes me still how, with him, simply having my breasts stroked (the top part mind you, not the nipples) I can get turned on tremendously. You know, being his trained monkey who gets turned on and comes at his command isn’t such a bad thing.

The room with the king bed was busy, so we headed to the chilly back room. I was very horny already and soon didn’t notice the cool air. We cuddled, caressed each other and kissed. I love feeling his body under my hand. He had me go down on him and I enjoyed every second. He managed to truly fuck my throat at one point. It was pretty awesome. He thrust in, I could feel the ridge of his cock head press pass some spot in my throat and I have trained my gag reflex pretty well by now – I didn’t start gagging until a few deep thrusts had been achieved. A guy came in to watch sometime during this. MasterDoc had me get on hands and knees so my ass was facing the room. He showed me off, using a flashlight to highlight my pussy. I felt thrilled and embarrassed (and thrilled to be embarrassed) by the attention. He used clothespins on my labia, but I was so engrossed in being a slut on display that I didn’t pay much attention to them. He inserted the anal beads. I’ve found though that I can’t often tell exactly which toy is up my ass. I don’t seem to have the right amount of sensation for details there, but I knew I was being filled with something, He flogged me a bit, telling the guy how much I love being shown off. He had the guy hold my butt cheek out of the way one time and I could never be sure exactly whose hands were touching my cunt (I think it was always him other than the butt cheek thing). He made me come for an extended period of time and I was exhausted. Or so I thought.

We dressed and MasterDoc noticed a couple with a hot woman. He started chatting up the couple, and I joined him in being friendly. I didn’t have a problem with the guy as sometimes happens, and I was doing my best to help MasterDoc get in the hot woman’s skirt. We ended up showing them our bag of tricks. They were from out of town and friendly in that southern way. I really think I’d have better conversational skills had I been raised in the south. The woman was shy and quiet, but her man was very talkative. They seemed quite nice. MasterDoc made me come via magic wand and fingering when it came out that the guy in the couple had never seen a woman squirt. Of course I did. He thought it was awesome.

We rested on the bed, chatting with the couple as she stood against the wall and her guy sat on an ottoman. MasterDoc was doing his best to be charming and get the lady’s attention. The guy was fascinated by our toy bag and I ended up in the behind-the-back restraints. After he got them on, he told me to kneel in them, and I’m sure my struggle to get myself upright was fun to watch. He had me lean forward so that I was resting on my head and shoulders. I told him that was very uncomfortable (as ending up with a neckache is not a desirable outcome) and he told me I just had to do it for a little while. I think I was the definition of helpless with my ass in the air and hands behind my back. He let me sit, and I stayed there for a while sitting next to him with my arms behind my back. MasterDoc spread my legs and played with my cunt. He made me come again through slapping my cunt – I think he really enjoyed showing off that he could do that. The sheets were pretty damn wet by now.

I’m slowly starting to realize that a woman like me can be intimidating for a man. I don’t think of myself as intimidating, but being so in control of my sexuality (and choosing to hand that control over to MasterDoc) and so comfortable with having sex in front of people does intimidate guys. I tell you, if a slutty woman is interested in playing with you, don’t be intimidated – go for it! We love sex. Even if it’s not the most amazing sex we ever had, odds are if we’re mutually interested in fucking you we will enjoy it too. I don’t think loving sex is at all a bad thing. Religion doesn’t know what it’s talking about.

I stripped the wet sheets from the bed and we went to the main room. It seemed like the woman in the couple wasn’t too interested, but soon the guy from the couple came over and asked if I wanted to make his wife come. I’m certainly game to make an attractive woman come, and I’m sure our men would enjoy watching. Also, perhaps if this woman was warmed up MasterDoc might get somewhere with her. MasterDoc gave his assent (I’m his slut, he decides) and we adjourned to the king room again. We had to find someone to put new sheets on. There was initial awkwardness as her shyness continued and MasterDoc talked about how I’m not the aggressive type – the problem was she’s not either. She got undressed to try to move things along and I felt freer to start playing with her. Her body was perfectly toned, her augmented breasts standing up perkily. Her husband suggested I use a toy and I used my siri on her clit then worked my fingers inside. I made her come pretty damn quickly and it was fun to watch, she just about did a crab walk backwards on the bed because of the intensity of the stimulation. I totally understand why MasterDoc sometimes chuckles when I’m coming like crazy.

I took my bra off and even though this woman was pretty much our society’s ideal (except she wasn’t young) she sounded envious when she commented on how big my breasts are and how they’re real. It’s terrible how nearly all women seem to have body issues these days. She made me come next, using just her hands and MasterDoc lent a hand. I squirted again.

I felt pretty damn tired, but MasterDoc wanted to fuck and I did want his cock. I sucked him til he was hard. He played with my pussy which of course was sopping wet. He fucked me from behind while at least one guy watched and he pushed me over the edge (orgasm-wise) with relative ease. (Remember, I don’t just get to come, I need to hold back as long as I can but if he drives me crazy he won’t get mad if I come before he’s said the word.) I was totally lost in lala land during orgasm after orgasm. I can only imagine what my face looked like. I think sometime I need someone to film me coming so I can see it.

It was an awesome fuck. He kept going and going, and guess what? I squirted again. A whole lot. It was just as well I hadn’t taken the last sheet off but instead suggested to MasterDoc that we use the same room because I had already besmirched the sheet.

I was so tired (having worked all day, exercised in the evening and then came, and came and came) that I just lay there after. He had me spread my legs to show guy my pussy to the guy there while I rested. He gave guy the flashlight to get a better look.

MasterDoc nearly had to cart me home. I slept like a proverbial log that night.

As an aside, in the midst of our trying to flirt with the couple, a guy from Spain (he told us he was from Spain) appeared with two hot Mexican chicks. The guy was aggressive in trying to set something up with the couple. The women looked eager to play. I later caught sight of them making out with each other – I wanted to be in the middle of that! Sadly, this was not to be.

Up the Bum on the First Date, wherein our narrator is a big slut as usual

Published on April 22, 2011 in anal, blow jobs, cunnilingus, cunt, dating, non-monogamy, poly, sex, shio, slut, squirting and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I’ve been slacking off, dear perverts. I’ve had a couple of interesting interludes with MasterDoc (and one that included DeeDee) that I haven’t blogged about – and probably won’t. It’s not that it wasn’t hot or interesting, I’m just getting lazy about writing. I think perhaps this blog will chronicle some of my exploits rather than every one like I’ve done for the past few years. Methinks I have a little blogger burnout.

Last night I went on a first date with a guy from a dating site. MasterDoc is so busy with women lately that I seriously need to find other people to have sex with. I am so not getting laid enough. If my dating others results in more loving poly relationships, that would be a bonus. But at minimum I would like a regular friend with benefits who I could fuck and enjoy hanging out with.

The talking and dinner part of the date went well. He’s a nice guy, keen on exploring poly (and exploring kink), already dating a couple of other women. I hope I see him again. He brought me chocolate from a shop in the city called The Chocolate Library. He gets major bonus points for thoughtfulness. He remembered my profile mentioned my love of chocolate, and well, the place is called a library, so he thought it was the perfect thing to bring along.

He admitted that he was a little intimidated by my experience. He wondered if he needed to be dominant with me, and I told him to just be himself, just do what he usually does when getting to know a new partner. While I have had some pretty awesome sex, I’m not someone to be intimidated by. I also don’t require kink every single time. But I do like when the person I’m with is more aggressive than me.

We went back to my place and he got me naked pretty quickly. That’s not hard. I’m not an indiscriminate fuck but once I decide I’m up for it I don’t play coy usually. He dove into my pussy quickly and the guy knows his way around a pussy. He ate me out for a fairly long time and I came a few times during it. When he added a finger or two in my pussy that felt even better. I told him that I’m a squirter. After all, I put out my Fascinator throe and felt the need to explain my prized squirt blanket. Apparently, despite this guy’s having been around the block (he previously dated a sex worker), he had never encountered a squirter before. I warned him that my squirting is sporadic. I didn’t want him to take it personally if I didn’t squirt. But he worked my pussy with his fingers for a while (the guy had finger and tongue stamina) and sure enough, girl cum poured out of me at one point. He thought it was pretty awesome. He spread the wetness around my pussy and seemed to enjoy playing with it a little. I love that most guys love squirting. He pointed out that women can see visible proof a guy has come, but unless a woman squirts the guy doesn’t get solid proof.

Actually, now that I’m thinking of it, his hands went to my ass first. I had lube handy, of course (and vibrators, condoms, and gloves in case they were needed or wanted) and made sure he lubed me up well. After he got me off a bunch of times, I went for his cock. I truly love sucking cock. He has a very nice cock.

He worked his way up the bed so he was straddling my head, and he fucked my face. How did he know I like cock choking? I had to keep my hands in there so I could pull away when needed. A girl does need to breathe. But all in all it was a pretty hot blowjob.

He asked for a condom and turned me over. Instead of fucking my pussy, he went for my ass. Now if you’ve read this blog for a long time you will probably remember a swing situation MasterDoc and I were in several months ago where I got fucked up the ass. Even MasterDoc (the biggest slut I know) thought that was extra slutty.

I realize that anal still has a certain amount of taboo around it. To be honest, I hadn’t even tried anal sex until my mid-20s. But at this point in my life I have this philosophy: if the guy is wearing a condom, if we have enough lube for my ass to make it comfortable, and if I’m feeling in the mood for it – why should it matter if it’s the first or twenty-first date? I can understand not wanting to do anal with someone who is still virtually a stranger, but I play such things by ear.

It was a good assfucking. I somehow ended up with my head against the wall, which I suppose is fitting for a rough and tumble bit of sex. Knowing that I like things rough and dominant, he grabbed my hair as he fucked me. It was awesome (and he released my head when I mentioned that my neck was hurting). I came often, and he fucked me until he came.

It was an extremely pleasant first date. Good company over dinner and hot sex after. He had work today so he headed home when we were done. I walked from my place back to MasterDoc’s. When I mentioned that I was going to do that, he asked if I was going to go tell MasterDoc all about my evening. And while MasterDoc was working late, I did indeed tell him about my date when he got home. And just as I told my date he’d say, MasterDoc said, “You slut!” As always it was said with the utmost affection.

As a little post script, I saw Blondie today (a perfectly respectable afternoon in the city – in other words, no sex) since we were down around SoHo/The East Village she suggested we go to the chocolate library. That place is a total boutique of fine chocolate. There are many different brands, different types of chocolate (a vegan bar with aphrodisiac herbs in it even, Blondie bought one of those). I picked up a couple of bars that sounded yummy and I will try to slowly savor them (and the bar my date brought the night before) over a period of time. This is expensive chocolate. It demands to be savored.

Sunday Threesome

Published on April 17, 2011 in anxiety, attraction, bisexuality, blow jobs, masturbation, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, sex, slut, swinging, threesome and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

Last Sunday (yes it has taken me a week to write this) MasterDoc and I had a threesome with a playmate he’s met recently. She’s very bi, very comfortable with swinging and is basically a laid back sort of woman.

One of my issues that comes up with having a partner who is significantly older than me is my own ageism. MasterDoc is 18 years older than me, and sometimes he finds sex partners close to his age. (DeeDee is close in age to him.) Until shortly before I met MasterDoc I wouldn’t have dreamed of dating someone not within about 5 years of my age. I’ve realized that’s stupid now, but still ageism creeps in. I find it happens more with women than men, and I think this whole stupid thing is something I picked up from our culture at large.

Our playmate on Sunday was a woman around MasterDoc’s age. I think he hesitated to have me join them at first since he knows I can be so weird about age sometimes. But I’m trying to overcome that, because, as I’ve said three times already, it’s stupid.

Something I’ve noticed about women in their 50s is that while facially they look older than women in their 30s (my current decade) their bodies aren’t significantly different. The skin on our faces is exposed to sunlight often, but bodies are covered most of the time we’re outside (our hands are like our faces). So the skin ages differently.

Women in their 50s are often quite attractive still, but in this society women past childbearing age are throwaway. (As are other types of women like sex workers, the disabled, women of color, etc. After a certain age pretty much everyone becomes throwaway in this society.) Aging is portrayed as making men look “distinguished” but women look “old.” It’s taken a long time for female actresses to continue to get work over 40, but it seems to happen more often these days.

All this explication to say that I was anxious I’d have an ageist reaction, but when I shut up the stupid prejudices in my head, I had a good time. (I didn’t have an ageist reaction when I met DeeDee, so it doesn’t always happen.)

Something else that went right is that I was able to focus on MasterDoc’s fun and pleasure much more than in the past and not be as selfish. As his friend sucked his cock, I stroked his chest and did whatever I could to add to his experience – and didn’t get some resentful, selfish attitude in my head. He rewarded me by making me come from grabbing my hair.

The configuration shifted, and she sucked on my nipples (yum!) while he worked her over. I was getting hot and MasterDoc realized that if he reached his other hand over to grab my ass, that he could probably get the two of us women to come at the same time. He was right as usual. Now while he can make me come without genital stimulation, it’s more fun and intense when stimulation is involved.

MasterDoc asked me to get Alexis (our playmate) ready to fuck. I played with her clit, which she thanked me for. While MasterDoc fucked her, I worked my arms to exhaustion playing with his ass during fucking (I mean really, try to put pressure on someone’s ass muscles as they thrust toward and away from you alternately!)

Thankfully, after he fucked her for a while I got some direct attention. He fingered me to orgasm then switched off to our guest fingering me. MasterDoc helped me keep coming by giving me the command to come.

I was hoping to get fucked too, but I didn’t get a chance as my body was exhausted from stepping up my exercise recently, and exhaustion led to be being excused instead of getting the fucking I on some level wanted anyway. As much as I would have liked to go on, my shoulders were killing me. I moseyed off to the living room. I could hear them having a great time in the bedroom. I felt some jealousy flare up but I took the time to explore it. Jealousy usually comes from insecurity for me, and I know full well that MasterDoc is just playmates with this woman. I didn’t have any practical reason to feel jealous. And the two of them DID make me feel really good until I faded out. While I wish I had gotten more action during the threesome (my usual concern) I was actually too tired to continue. Plus MasterDoc had fucked me the prior two days in a row. Overall, right after the threesome I felt that I had had a very good time.

The next day, however, I did feel some unhappiness over the fact that in a threesome with him, me and another woman, I often feel overlooked. It makes it hard for me to feel my usual (high!) level of sexual enthusiasm when it comes to threesomes. This is something I’m still struggling with. Perhaps I need to do more threesomes with two MEN.

Back to Normal

Published on March 17, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, consensual non-consent, D/s, emotions, forced orgasm, happy, libido, musings, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Somehow, I rediscovered my submissive spirit after the rough bit over the weekend. It was a relief to both myself and MasterDoc for things between us to seem normal again. A guy I’m talking to on a dating site has read through this blog a bit, and named a post he liked – and the funny thing is, it’s from October 2009 and I was talking about how hard it is to submit when it’s not how YOU want to submit back then too. The struggle goes on.

I focused on being good while at MasterDoc’s Wednesday night. I tried to be obedient when needed. I tried to be calm when addressing him. I felt joy in being submissive. Some days are like that, I love it. Other days are a huge struggle. I’ve been examining why I get so self-centered and I think my mother’s influence has a lot to do with it. My father is a very giving, generous person. I do have some of that in me, but my mother is self-centered – and took advantage of my father many times. So I think the combination of learning behavior from her, and having to be selfish and focus on myself since she never did, has led to my horribly spoiled, self-centered moments. I was spoiled while growing up. (An only child til my brother surprised us all and came along when I was 11.) But also, my mother was a tad verbally abusive, emotionally distant and unpredictable (so unpredictable!). I find myself to be two seemingly contradictory things at once. I have times when I’m really generous with my friends and am happy to do so. I have other times when I obsess with things evening out. (Usually the closer I am to someone the more I worry about such things. I think it’s the whole “you can be at your worst with those who love you most” thing.)

It reminds me of how sometimes people ask how I can reconcile the kinky slut with the librarian. The thing is, I don’t need to reconcile them. They are both part of the same person. I can be wonderful and I can be a real shit. These things are both true about me. I can be intelligent, professional, slutty, kinky, shy, exhibitionist, etc. all at once. All in one package. The descriptors are many.

But on to the sex! I probably won’t see MasterDoc for several days, so I was eager to get laid. (When am I not?) I realized last night that I truly love sucking his cock. I would be disappointed if I wasn’t allowed to do it. He commented that he should make me beg for it then. I focused on loving having his cock in my mouth and I managed to get him to say, “You suck a mean cock!”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” I said with a grin.

We played with some cock choking and I find at times that I can hold him deep in my throat for a moment and not gag. But eventually I need to breathe and start to gag. I think I’m still surprised that I like the gagging so much. He holds my head down on his cock and I love that he’s “making me” do it at that point. I love when I gasp for air and the saliva flows. Right after the deep breath I go right back to sucking his cock.

We were back in sync last night and MasterDoc had no trouble making me come several ways. He wrenched orgasms out of me until I reached exhaustion. (I honestly thought he might succeed in making me pass out. I kept holding my breath as I came, but then my body would make me gasp when it became too much.) He made me come from just stroking my body and talking to me. He pushed orgasm out of orgasm out of me with his probing fingers in my pussy. If the orgasm started to decline, he did something different to put me right back in the midst of deep orgasm again. He fucked me and made me come. He realized that part of what was upsetting about the weekend is that he had suddenly “lost” the ability to make me come whenever he wants. Saturday night was truly a weird night. I’m happy to say he hadn’t lost his skill.

At some point, we talked about working in (to my cunt) the large Randy dildo again sometime. He warmed me up a bit the one time we played with it but not quite enough for it to feel good. He asked if he started with smaller penetrative toys and worked his way up. I told him I didn’t think so.

“That was dumb,” he blurted out. “Oh, did I say that aloud?” I smiled because his ability to admit his own mistakes is one of the many things I love about him. (I must add, that in retrospect I think he DID use smaller penetrative toys before that big dildo. Just not for long enough.)

A cuddle after sex and many orgasms led to him making me come again from stroking my arms and legs. I am so lucky! Devoid of selfish worries and depressive episodes, I realized how utterly happy he makes me. While sharing him can be difficult, he is so wonderful that having him part time is better than having him no time. I took the time to savor the feeling of him against me. I’ll try to recall it this weekend when I don’t see him. His touch seems to release some sort of fabulous chemicals in my brain.

After sex, I got MasterDoc a snack from the kitchen, and was reminded that I still needed to clean up after dinner. (The dishwasher had been running, and since his is a little counter top one that gets water directly from the faucet, I had to put off any other cleaning til the cycle was done.) While I cleaned up, I thought about service. I realized that on some level, I should think that I’m doing these little annoying tasks so that the man I love, who makes me really happy, doesn’t have to. I think I struggle with such selflessness though because I have constant subconscious worries that I will be taken advantage of, that I won’t get my needs met. Again, this seems to stem from my upbringing and NOT from life with MasterDoc. So I continue to work on finding the joy in submission. It’s there. I just don’t always open myself up to it. While I’m afraid of truly being selfless, I think learning it to a reasonable extent would be very good for me.

Rethinking Service

Published on March 14, 2011 in anxiety, bored, D/s, emotions, horny, libido, musings, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, poly, sex, sex parties, slump, stress, submissive, swinging and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

On Saturday night MasterDoc and I went out to the swing club. We rarely go on Saturday nights, and it’s a couples-only night. The vibe is completely different than the “single guys allowed” nights we usually go to. On our usual nights, putting on a show and indulging our exhibitionist tendencies is mostly what we do. We wouldn’t object to a couple to swing with, but we realize it’s less likely on those nights. We noticed that on couples’ night the couples are “better” (to our perception at least) than the couples who come on singles nights. (What does that say about us? Heh. We like to put on a show and have me groped by random guys.)

Early in the evening, while I was feeling distinctly in the mood for some Dom/sub type of play, I focused on being the loving girlfriend in the swing situation. We had a lovely time making out for a bit. I did my best to show off how good he makes me feel in case I could pique some lady’s interest.

It was nice, but we didn’t talk to any couples and none of them spoke to us. We’re both shyer than you would think. (Not shy about nudity, shy about talking.) I started to get rather bored. When we finally went off to fool around, I found it hard to get fully aroused. I enjoyed the sweet kissing and touching, but when MasterDoc tried to make me come I had to struggle to come a while after he gave permission. I had a bout of crankiness. I just couldn’t get into the evening and my inner brat came out. I wanted rough sex when gentle sex was on the menu. I was bored and totally didn’t handle the accompanying frustration well. MasterDoc gave me a stern talking to, and I did my best to refocus and enjoy the evening. I didn’t want to ruin it for either of us.

I struggled. I was disappointed that my evening was fairly sex-free when I was craving lots of bdsm and sex goodness. I wanted an evening of fucking – wherever we were. But the sex was slow to come. When MasterDoc did fuck me, I just couldn’t get into it. He was frustrated because he thinks that I mentally set myself up to not come. I don’t think I did that, at least not consciously. The sex hurt, which seems to happen now and then lately if my cunt isn’t well warmed up first, and my cervix in particular was hyper-sensitive. I did my best mentally to get into it, and I asked him not to go too deep, but there was no way in hell I could get aroused enough to come. He told me that in swing situations I can come at will, but even after hearing his voice tell me to come, I couldn’t. I couldn’t even get close. It was a miserable experience for both of us, not because I didn’t have an orgasm, but because fucking was downright unpleasant. Our fucking is rarely short of spectacular.

The next day we discussed things, and I was feeling self-righteous and angry over my perceived reduction in sex lately with MasterDoc. (He had spent the night before with a playmate of his. They went to the club and she slept over his place.) He explained that I don’t get less sex. I’m not entirely sure that’s true, at least not back in the days before he started seeing DeeDee and his current plethora of playmates. The discussion left me depressed (just mood-wise, not illness-wise), but I did try to not let it get to me. Over time, I had to admit to myself that it was bratty of me to have a fit the night before. I started to examine my attitudes towards service to my Dom. I started looking at how I react when I don’t get what I want right away. Delayed gratification has never been my strong point.

It’s easy to serve when it’s kinky and stimulating for me. It’s much harder to be patient when he goes off with others or the goal seems to be a swap rather than sex together. I’m all for serving when and how it suits me – but I struggle with other types of service. I’m probably not the first sub to have this problem, and if any of you have suggestions let me know. I struggle with things that seem to “take away” from my time with him. I found myself craving sexual submission on Saturday night, but that’s not what my Dom needed from me.

I need to find a friend with benefits for regular fucking to augment what I get with MasterDoc. And/or a service top to play with. MasterDoc is polyamorous and will always be, so if my 38-year-old libido needs more fucking, then I need to get additional fucking elsewhere. Perhaps if I was getting laid more often then I wouldn’t get so insecure, needy and cranky.

At any rate, I realized that I needed to work on my submissive service. I need to work on submitting when it’s hard. I did my best tonight to make things easier for DeeDee who just came home and has a bunch of furniture to move in. I made dinner and cleaned up so MasterDoc and DeeDee could get stuff done. It’s a small step, but I’m going to continue to examine my service skills.

On Sunday, we had sex twice and it was just as wonderful as usual.

Brief Update

Published on March 6, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, bondage, crazy, D/s, depression, emotions, flogging, foursome, kink, mental illness, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, sex, shio, spanking, squirting, stress and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

I’ve been struggling with depression this week, something that seems to happen all too often lately. This week the excuse was my turbulent hormones pre-period. Going on birth control a few months ago was supposed to help this, and it did, for a while. But I struggled a great deal this week. I’m not pleasant to be around when depressed, I see everything through a darkened eye and find negative things to dwell on. (I think my subconscious makes things up too.) Bless MasterDoc for handling me. Also, I tried hard to deal with things more calmly than I would in the past. I keep working on myself.

As a consequence, when I have had hot sex I haven’t felt like writing about it. Sorry to disappoint you all, but this will probably be just a short summary of the adventures I had this week.

Sunday and Monday nights I got to spend alone with MasterDoc. I was thrilled since recent weeks have yielded minimal time alone with him. The first night, I was struggling with insecurity as big as a football field. After sobbing that I was afraid that MasterDoc no longer had interest in sex with me – I’ll wait while you laugh at that – he fucked me three long times. And each time he pushed me over the edge of orgasm – and kept me going!

Monday night he noticed himself falling into the whole “let’s watch porn, masturbate then fuck” thing he does when he feels lazy. He decided to put more effort into that evening and soon I was laying on the bed blindfolded, with a bondage tape gag. He got good and rough with me. There was lots of biting, slapping, fingering. While fucking he made me feel like a piece of meat in that particular way that makes me love it. I loved the sensory deprivation of having most of my head wrapped up.

I went without sex for a few days. (When will I take the time to find a suitable friend with benefits?) On Friday afternoon, MasterDoc lined up this Dom and sub who we’ve played with before – for the life of me I can’t remember what I’ve called them here. We met them at a hotel and played together. With my depressed mood I had a hard time getting into things, but I did my best. Funny how even when I struggle with arousal I still end up coming and squirting a freakin’ river. Thank you, MasterDoc! After the couple left, we hung out for a little longer and he gave me a beating – something I’ve been in need of but I wasn’t quite in the headspace to enjoy. He then fucked me and I squirted yet again.

Hopefully my mood will continue to improve and I will have more adventures to share and will actually take the time to write detailed entries on them!

Sunday Swing

Published on February 20, 2011 in bbc, bisexuality, blow jobs, cunnilingus, foursome, lesbian, non-monogamy, pillow princess, sex, shio, slut, squirting, swinging and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Sunday night I was slated to hang out with MasterDoc while DeeDee had a date over. I looked forward to a quiet night alone with him in the playroom, but he was searching craigslist for something interesting. We found a younger couple looking to swing – mid to late 20s – and fairly good looking from their pictures. She’s very chubby but I often go for chubby women who are chubby in all the right places. I love curves, breasts, hips, thick thighs. The couple was nice, but not close friend material. I doubt we had a lot in common beyond swinging, but they were nice to hang out with and fuck. She was a sexy, white bbw. He was a fit black guy with a bbc. When my profession got mentioned, the guy perked up. It’s amazing how often guys have librarian fantasies.

Even I, the woman who is notorious for not being able to get things started was trying to push things along. We showed them the couple of sex toys we brought in a little case and I brought my Lelo Siri over to show the woman how strong the vibration was. She liked it. We managed to get them into the bedroom and MasterDoc started off kissing me. He had me suck his cock hard and I somehow ended up using my Lelo Soraya on the woman. The guys remained half dressed while she and I started fooling around.

MasterDoc took over the toy, and the guy came over to eat me out. I’m always pleased when a guy goes for that first, often guys who will go down on me first are better lovers. He licked my pussy while I leaned over to suck her large nipples. She was soft and lovely to kiss and we made out often in the midst of things. Neither one of them turned out to be particularly knowledgeable about fingering, but in all fairness they are in their 20s still. They both did the basic in-out-in-out I remember from sexual experiences in my early 20s or so. If we see them again maybe I can offer a tutorial. They were both enthusiastic about oral so that helped. As often seems to happen, she went down on me but I didn’t end up going down on her. (This is how I get accused of being a pillow princess sometimes, I think.)

His cock was big and he’s a fit young man – so the fucking was good and energetic. I made out with the woman while MasterDoc fucked her and her boyfriend fucked me. This is the sort of decadence I love. I’m all for pleasure. No wonder I’ve turned away from religion. I don’t think pleasure is a sin.

I sucked his cock for a long time while she went down on me. MasterDoc was disappointed that the woman didn’t seem much into it. I know how that can really put a damper on things. The guy on the other hand was quite eager to fuck me and put his cock in my mouth. Since it was a Sunday night, and I had work the next day, the evening ended fairly early. But since they lived maybe 20 blocks from us it wasn’t a long drive home. I had been in the mood for having MasterDoc alone, but I was glad that I just went with his idea to swing. I had fun.

Thankfully, we had brought the throe as I squirted all over the damn thing. I think over time I squirt more and more often. Not all the time, but frequently now.

Nadia’s Surprise

Published on February 1, 2011 in anal, bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, bondage, caning, cunt, D/s, edge play, flogging, horny, humiliation play, kink, lesbian, masochism, needle play, nipple clamps, non-monogamy, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, poly, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive, sybian, threesome and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

MasterDoc informed me on Saturday that he had a surprise planned for me on Sunday. I looked forward to it, but at the same time I was horny and wanted to fool around! I had to be patient Saturday night, but it paid off on Sunday. You see, my surprise was Blondie coming over so the two of them could top me. Rowr.

They decided amongst themselves to do a medical scene. MasterDoc got two of his white lab coats and they each put one on. They took me into the bedroom and secured me spread eagle with the under bed restraints. I giggled a lot as they spoke as if they were doctors who were going to treat me. Apparently the treatment was for the fact that I hadn’t had an orgasm since Thursday.

But before I’d get an orgasm, they played around with clamps and clothespins. When the clover clamps were removed from my labia a few minutes later I let out a scream. Blondie seems noticeably more sadistic than MasterDoc. He had warned me a long time ago that female Doms were vicious. Blondie put a clothespin on my nasal septum – ow! You should have heard me begging to have it taken off. “Ow! Ow! Please take it off! Please take it off! I can’t take it! Please take it off!” I don’t care if that makes me sound like a wimp, it hurt like a motherfucker! After a good amount of torture (including clamps strung from my nipples to my labia) MasterDoc took on the magic wand and made me come. I gushed a ton and it must have been amazing to watch. Unfortunately that meant my throe was soaking wet the rest of the evening.

Blondie took some photos of me in flagrante delicto while bound to the bed. I will post some here when she sends them to me.

They did so much to me and it was dizzying to get so much attention, stimulation and orgasms that I’m sure I’ll leave out parts unintentionally. I hope that if Blondie or MasterDoc read this and remember something I’ve forgotten, they will leave a comment or comments.

My arms were so sore from being held above me (not to mention the fact that I tend to tense up while in bondage and being tortured like that). They let me free and then had me get on hands and knees. MasterDoc inserted two needles into one butt cheek. Blondie, who has training in acupuncture, got to try doing needle play that day (she’s done it on the receiving end before, I believe.). Unfortunately, with her experience in solid, thin acupuncture needles, she inserted the hollow hypodermic needles very slowly. MasterDoc asked later how that was for me – if it was better than his technique. I had to say no. It prolonged the pain in a bad way – pain with the first puncture, the feeling of the needle dragging through the skin and then the pain as the needle came out the skin – and didn’t seem to increase the endorphin rush at all. There was caning. And MasterDoc fingering my ass. And probably another orgasm? As I said, the afternoon is a blur.

I got a brief rest, and Blondie came back in with her strap on. Rowr. She has a nice size cock. I knelt on the bed and she tried to enter me from behind while I sucked MasterDoc’s cock, which was right in front of my face. I had to scoot to the end of the bed and put my feet on the floor so she could get the right angle. It was fucking hot to be fucked at one end and sucking cock at the other. MasterDoc seemed particularly hard. I think I was allowed to come again during this – my brain cells have been scrambled by all the delicious orgasms.

Next, they changed ends and MasterDoc fucked me while I sucked on Blondie’s strap on. I squirted some more, worrying that perhaps I was splashing the carpet a bit. I kept slacking off on the strap on sucking and getting admonished by both of them to keep it up.

We stopped for dinner, which was perfect timing. I was exhausted by this time!

After dinner, I was given the pleasure (“job” didn’t seem the right word) of warming up Blondie for a ride on the sybian. I had her on the bed, fingering her cunt. MasterDoc came in and took over and I started sucking on her tits while he fingered her. The girl let out some of her usual piercing screams of pleasure. In MasterDoc’s building I worry less about neighbors being disturbed by orgasmic shouts – as long as it’s not late at night.

We moved to the living room and I sat in front of Blondie while she rode the sybian. She could lean on me and I got to be up close as she came. It was pretty damn amazing (as always) listening to the noises that are yanked out of a woman as she becomes very aroused and orgasms. MasterDoc ran the controls and it was definitely cool to hold her during the experience. I do have a better understanding now of why MasterDoc enjoys giving sybian rides so much.

As Blondie recovered, I asked if I could get a sybian ride. (Yeah, I know, greedy slut.) MasterDoc started warming me up, then Blondie sat on my other side on the couch and they both played with my body. MasterDoc excused himself to set up the sybian for the next ride and left Blondie warming me up. This was the first sybian ride in a while for me. Blondie gave me some hard caning while I got worked up on the sybian. I asked permission to come, and MasterDoc consulted with Blondie… and she said no I couldn’t yet! Argh! She really is too tough for me. *grin* She wanted me to grind and hump the machine so I gladly obliged, hoping for permission to come. It was eventually granted, and I kept coming and coming and coming. I felt exhausted, but I couldn’t stop coming as long as the stimulation was there. It was kinda hot in a way. I collapsed on the floor for a while after, dazed and content.

Double Feature

Published on January 19, 2011 in anal, bdsm, bisexuality, cunnilingus, cunt, D/s, dating, horny, kink, lesbian, masturbation, non-monogamy, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, squirting and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I had a lot of alone time last weekend and masturbated more times than I probably had the prior month! I certainly got MasterDoc’s permission when I got to the third time in one week. I’m allowed two without asking permission. He asked me to cam with him and so he watched me masturbate on my couch from far away. It was awesome. He wasn’t on cam, but still I felt much closer after the experience with him. Towards the end of the weekend, I got to be social, not to mention sexual.

The holidays and such kept me from seeing Blondie for over a month. We were both busy. Finally, we made plans for her to come over Sunday night since I was off the next day. She arrived late; her afternoon plans took longer than she thought and then she got lost coming to my place. She came in, took off her coat and we kissed. She said, “I brought ginger,” which can strike fear into a submissive’s heart! I worried for a brief moment that she wanted to try figging, but as it followed her mentioning bringing whoopie pies, I thought it couldn’t mean that. Thankfully it turned out the ginger was the very yummy dark chocolate covered ginger from Trader Joe’s.

I was pretty tired by the time she got there, so we just watched a dvd. (Tipping the Velvet, a lesbian period piece based on the novel by Sarah Waters. OMFG Rachael Stirling is hot. Keeley Hawes and Jodhi May aren’t bad either!). Blondie crashed at my place for the first time. The next morning, we ordered breakfast in and finished the dvd. After breakfast we ended up making out standing in my kitchen. While I’m totally femme and sub I felt a little guyish because I’m noticeably taller than her and I kinda enveloped her in my arms as I bent my face downward to kiss her. What it’s like to be considerably shorter than your partner is something I know nothing about.

We fucked. She asked if I had a blindfold and what toys were around. She blindfolded me and used my Siri on my clit. She asked about plastic wrap and I told her where it was while blindfolded (and where gloves were too since they can be cut open to form a barrier for oral sex if needed). She went down on me for the first time. It felt good but the barrier can inhibit some sensation. Still, it’s not hot if you’re not meeting your partner’s safer sex needs, and safer sex is way better than no sex. She also used a glove to finger me and I came quite quickly. I can do that when not required to get permission to come. I have to admit though that in some respects I prefer prolonging it. I suppose I should just do that on my own. She kept going and I kept loving it until my g-spot became too sensitive and I had to ask her to stop probing it so firmly.

I played with her next when she suggested we put a condom on my Gigi and use it on her. The condom came in handy as handle for this too-short vibrator. She wanted it shoved in far and I would use the end of the condom to pull the toy out of her cunt. I loved seeing her labia swell and open up. She gave me lots of direction, apologizing along the way. I reminded her that I’m a submissive and I’m quite use to being told what to do and how to do it. MasterDoc has trained me to his specifications. It doesn’t faze me. I’d rather please my partner than be clueless.

I rubbed her clit with my finger, stopping to add some lube because a lubricated clit is a happy clit. She moaned a whole bunch and even let out a piercing scream. I worried that the police would be knocking on my door thinking a murder was going on. We later switched to the magic wand as she thought it would be easier for her to come. We each took turns handling either the wand on her clit or Gigi inside her while the other used the other toy. I’ve made her feel really good, shriek with pleasure, but not come yet. I have to admit this disappoints me, because giving my partner an orgasm is a wonderful feeling. But I will be patient and do my best to keep learning what works for her.

After an afternoon spent with my friend Divasub (who I hadn’t seen in way too long also), I went over to MasterDoc’s to see him for the first time in about 5 days. I don’t often go that long without seeing him but he was away all weekend. (So happy to write here that after a week of no sex, I got it twice in a day from two different lovers – awesome.) We spent time reconnecting, and MasterDoc hadn’t had sex in a few days so he was pretty horny, too.

I seem to be dealing with some vaginal dryness and occasional soreness lately – I’m blaming it on my birth control pill for the time being. Being a bit dry makes penetration hurt sometimes, and his cock felt enormous that day. (I can hear him now, “Doesn’t it always feel enormous?” Yes, yes it does.) I had already gotten wet and warmed up with my hand, but still, inside I seemed uncomfortably dry. I had to ask him to please add lube. He asked if he should ignore me like that one time he was ass fucking me and he kept going after I requested lube and I came super hard seconds later. Um, no, this was not quite the same. He applied some lube and fucked me with just the tip of his cock until I was worked up and able to take the whole thing. It was hot! He couched it in terms of teasing me. It worked, I became desperate for the whole thing and my pussy self-lubricated.

He fucked me for what seemed like forever. I was so desperate to come that I actually voiced it, “You make me want to come so badly!” I hesitated to say that, worrying that it would be taken as begging for orgasm, which I’m not permitted to do when his cock is inside me. I finally decided that no, it’s not asking it’s just stating how he was making me feel. I think he should know if he’s driving me positively wild. He would fuck me harder for a bit and make me struggle to maintain control of my orgasm. I’ve been working on enjoying the good sensations for as long as he wants to fuck me without orgasm, and I am appreciating just the sensations more although I think I’d lose it if I didn’t eventually have an orgasm at the end of a scene. It’s good that he’s gotten me less goal-oriented (and loving it) but I still love orgasms. Who doesn’t love orgasms? I came, I moaned, I squirted.

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By the way, Babeland is offering 20% off Lelo products this weekend!! Ack! I LOVE Lelo. If you’ve been thinking about getting something like the Siri or Gigi (my faves), now may be the time!