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Nadia’s Surprise

Published on February 1, 2011 in anal, bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, bondage, caning, cunt, D/s, edge play, flogging, horny, humiliation play, kink, lesbian, masochism, needle play, nipple clamps, non-monogamy, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, poly, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive, sybian, threesome and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

MasterDoc informed me on Saturday that he had a surprise planned for me on Sunday. I looked forward to it, but at the same time I was horny and wanted to fool around! I had to be patient Saturday night, but it paid off on Sunday. You see, my surprise was Blondie coming over so the two of them could top me. Rowr.

They decided amongst themselves to do a medical scene. MasterDoc got two of his white lab coats and they each put one on. They took me into the bedroom and secured me spread eagle with the under bed restraints. I giggled a lot as they spoke as if they were doctors who were going to treat me. Apparently the treatment was for the fact that I hadn’t had an orgasm since Thursday.

But before I’d get an orgasm, they played around with clamps and clothespins. When the clover clamps were removed from my labia a few minutes later I let out a scream. Blondie seems noticeably more sadistic than MasterDoc. He had warned me a long time ago that female Doms were vicious. Blondie put a clothespin on my nasal septum – ow! You should have heard me begging to have it taken off. “Ow! Ow! Please take it off! Please take it off! I can’t take it! Please take it off!” I don’t care if that makes me sound like a wimp, it hurt like a motherfucker! After a good amount of torture (including clamps strung from my nipples to my labia) MasterDoc took on the magic wand and made me come. I gushed a ton and it must have been amazing to watch. Unfortunately that meant my throe was soaking wet the rest of the evening.

Blondie took some photos of me in flagrante delicto while bound to the bed. I will post some here when she sends them to me.

They did so much to me and it was dizzying to get so much attention, stimulation and orgasms that I’m sure I’ll leave out parts unintentionally. I hope that if Blondie or MasterDoc read this and remember something I’ve forgotten, they will leave a comment or comments.

My arms were so sore from being held above me (not to mention the fact that I tend to tense up while in bondage and being tortured like that). They let me free and then had me get on hands and knees. MasterDoc inserted two needles into one butt cheek. Blondie, who has training in acupuncture, got to try doing needle play that day (she’s done it on the receiving end before, I believe.). Unfortunately, with her experience in solid, thin acupuncture needles, she inserted the hollow hypodermic needles very slowly. MasterDoc asked later how that was for me – if it was better than his technique. I had to say no. It prolonged the pain in a bad way – pain with the first puncture, the feeling of the needle dragging through the skin and then the pain as the needle came out the skin – and didn’t seem to increase the endorphin rush at all. There was caning. And MasterDoc fingering my ass. And probably another orgasm? As I said, the afternoon is a blur.

I got a brief rest, and Blondie came back in with her strap on. Rowr. She has a nice size cock. I knelt on the bed and she tried to enter me from behind while I sucked MasterDoc’s cock, which was right in front of my face. I had to scoot to the end of the bed and put my feet on the floor so she could get the right angle. It was fucking hot to be fucked at one end and sucking cock at the other. MasterDoc seemed particularly hard. I think I was allowed to come again during this – my brain cells have been scrambled by all the delicious orgasms.

Next, they changed ends and MasterDoc fucked me while I sucked on Blondie’s strap on. I squirted some more, worrying that perhaps I was splashing the carpet a bit. I kept slacking off on the strap on sucking and getting admonished by both of them to keep it up.

We stopped for dinner, which was perfect timing. I was exhausted by this time!

After dinner, I was given the pleasure (“job” didn’t seem the right word) of warming up Blondie for a ride on the sybian. I had her on the bed, fingering her cunt. MasterDoc came in and took over and I started sucking on her tits while he fingered her. The girl let out some of her usual piercing screams of pleasure. In MasterDoc’s building I worry less about neighbors being disturbed by orgasmic shouts – as long as it’s not late at night.

We moved to the living room and I sat in front of Blondie while she rode the sybian. She could lean on me and I got to be up close as she came. It was pretty damn amazing (as always) listening to the noises that are yanked out of a woman as she becomes very aroused and orgasms. MasterDoc ran the controls and it was definitely cool to hold her during the experience. I do have a better understanding now of why MasterDoc enjoys giving sybian rides so much.

As Blondie recovered, I asked if I could get a sybian ride. (Yeah, I know, greedy slut.) MasterDoc started warming me up, then Blondie sat on my other side on the couch and they both played with my body. MasterDoc excused himself to set up the sybian for the next ride and left Blondie warming me up. This was the first sybian ride in a while for me. Blondie gave me some hard caning while I got worked up on the sybian. I asked permission to come, and MasterDoc consulted with Blondie… and she said no I couldn’t yet! Argh! She really is too tough for me. *grin* She wanted me to grind and hump the machine so I gladly obliged, hoping for permission to come. It was eventually granted, and I kept coming and coming and coming. I felt exhausted, but I couldn’t stop coming as long as the stimulation was there. It was kinda hot in a way. I collapsed on the floor for a while after, dazed and content.

Double Feature

Published on January 19, 2011 in anal, bdsm, bisexuality, cunnilingus, cunt, D/s, dating, horny, kink, lesbian, masturbation, non-monogamy, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, squirting and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I had a lot of alone time last weekend and masturbated more times than I probably had the prior month! I certainly got MasterDoc’s permission when I got to the third time in one week. I’m allowed two without asking permission. He asked me to cam with him and so he watched me masturbate on my couch from far away. It was awesome. He wasn’t on cam, but still I felt much closer after the experience with him. Towards the end of the weekend, I got to be social, not to mention sexual.

The holidays and such kept me from seeing Blondie for over a month. We were both busy. Finally, we made plans for her to come over Sunday night since I was off the next day. She arrived late; her afternoon plans took longer than she thought and then she got lost coming to my place. She came in, took off her coat and we kissed. She said, “I brought ginger,” which can strike fear into a submissive’s heart! I worried for a brief moment that she wanted to try figging, but as it followed her mentioning bringing whoopie pies, I thought it couldn’t mean that. Thankfully it turned out the ginger was the very yummy dark chocolate covered ginger from Trader Joe’s.

I was pretty tired by the time she got there, so we just watched a dvd. (Tipping the Velvet, a lesbian period piece based on the novel by Sarah Waters. OMFG Rachael Stirling is hot. Keeley Hawes and Jodhi May aren’t bad either!). Blondie crashed at my place for the first time. The next morning, we ordered breakfast in and finished the dvd. After breakfast we ended up making out standing in my kitchen. While I’m totally femme and sub I felt a little guyish because I’m noticeably taller than her and I kinda enveloped her in my arms as I bent my face downward to kiss her. What it’s like to be considerably shorter than your partner is something I know nothing about.

We fucked. She asked if I had a blindfold and what toys were around. She blindfolded me and used my Siri on my clit. She asked about plastic wrap and I told her where it was while blindfolded (and where gloves were too since they can be cut open to form a barrier for oral sex if needed). She went down on me for the first time. It felt good but the barrier can inhibit some sensation. Still, it’s not hot if you’re not meeting your partner’s safer sex needs, and safer sex is way better than no sex. She also used a glove to finger me and I came quite quickly. I can do that when not required to get permission to come. I have to admit though that in some respects I prefer prolonging it. I suppose I should just do that on my own. She kept going and I kept loving it until my g-spot became too sensitive and I had to ask her to stop probing it so firmly.

I played with her next when she suggested we put a condom on my Gigi and use it on her. The condom came in handy as handle for this too-short vibrator. She wanted it shoved in far and I would use the end of the condom to pull the toy out of her cunt. I loved seeing her labia swell and open up. She gave me lots of direction, apologizing along the way. I reminded her that I’m a submissive and I’m quite use to being told what to do and how to do it. MasterDoc has trained me to his specifications. It doesn’t faze me. I’d rather please my partner than be clueless.

I rubbed her clit with my finger, stopping to add some lube because a lubricated clit is a happy clit. She moaned a whole bunch and even let out a piercing scream. I worried that the police would be knocking on my door thinking a murder was going on. We later switched to the magic wand as she thought it would be easier for her to come. We each took turns handling either the wand on her clit or Gigi inside her while the other used the other toy. I’ve made her feel really good, shriek with pleasure, but not come yet. I have to admit this disappoints me, because giving my partner an orgasm is a wonderful feeling. But I will be patient and do my best to keep learning what works for her.

After an afternoon spent with my friend Divasub (who I hadn’t seen in way too long also), I went over to MasterDoc’s to see him for the first time in about 5 days. I don’t often go that long without seeing him but he was away all weekend. (So happy to write here that after a week of no sex, I got it twice in a day from two different lovers – awesome.) We spent time reconnecting, and MasterDoc hadn’t had sex in a few days so he was pretty horny, too.

I seem to be dealing with some vaginal dryness and occasional soreness lately – I’m blaming it on my birth control pill for the time being. Being a bit dry makes penetration hurt sometimes, and his cock felt enormous that day. (I can hear him now, “Doesn’t it always feel enormous?” Yes, yes it does.) I had already gotten wet and warmed up with my hand, but still, inside I seemed uncomfortably dry. I had to ask him to please add lube. He asked if he should ignore me like that one time he was ass fucking me and he kept going after I requested lube and I came super hard seconds later. Um, no, this was not quite the same. He applied some lube and fucked me with just the tip of his cock until I was worked up and able to take the whole thing. It was hot! He couched it in terms of teasing me. It worked, I became desperate for the whole thing and my pussy self-lubricated.

He fucked me for what seemed like forever. I was so desperate to come that I actually voiced it, “You make me want to come so badly!” I hesitated to say that, worrying that it would be taken as begging for orgasm, which I’m not permitted to do when his cock is inside me. I finally decided that no, it’s not asking it’s just stating how he was making me feel. I think he should know if he’s driving me positively wild. He would fuck me harder for a bit and make me struggle to maintain control of my orgasm. I’ve been working on enjoying the good sensations for as long as he wants to fuck me without orgasm, and I am appreciating just the sensations more although I think I’d lose it if I didn’t eventually have an orgasm at the end of a scene. It’s good that he’s gotten me less goal-oriented (and loving it) but I still love orgasms. Who doesn’t love orgasms? I came, I moaned, I squirted.

______________________

By the way, Babeland is offering 20% off Lelo products this weekend!! Ack! I LOVE Lelo. If you’ve been thinking about getting something like the Siri or Gigi (my faves), now may be the time!

Weekend Update

Published on November 8, 2010 in bdsm, bisexuality, D/s, dating, horny, lesbian, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, porn, sex, shio, squirting and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

I guess feeling burnt out can come with anything, even something that you love to do. I’m feeling like I need a break from blogging, but I’m not sure if that is what’s needed or how long I would take. I do have reviews to get done and to be honest I’d miss having an account of the things I get up to. I don’t know if I’m going to take a break, or perhaps post less often. For now the posts may be condensed and less detailed. We shall see.

This weekend I got to see Blondie. We met up in Harlem and had dinner at the world famous Sylvia’s restaurant. The food was delicious. I had fried chicken, collard greens (best ones I’ve ever had), and garlic mashed potatotes. Hardly diet food but sometimes a girl has to splurge. We were at a loss as to what to do next since it was cold and getting dark (and neither of us know what there’s to do in the neighborhood). As we were saying goodbye at the subway station, the idea for her to accompany me back to my place came up. Hooray! We took the subway and bus to my place and she told me it was fine if I wanted to watch an episode of the tv show I have out on DVD at the moment. She offered a neck rub and being a glutton for touch I took that offer. We cuddled a bit and after the show she took initiative (I’m starting to feel bad that she’s always the one to start things. Why am I such a tool?) to straddle me on the sofa and make out. Rowr. She wanted to make me come and I got the Hitachi out, but also spotted my Soraya when I got up to get the lube. She used that toy on me and made me come – I squirted which thrilled her but it wasn’t apparent how much until I moved later and we saw the huge wet spot on the throe.

She asked if I’d use the Hitachi on her and I gladly obliged. I made her scream, I made her feel good – but still I haven’t made her come. I’m trying to not get down about this since it’s not always easy for women to come, particularly with new partners. But I like making people come so it’s something I hope I get to rectify sooner rather than later. I will just have to be patient.

The following night I had time alone with MasterDoc, which was wonderful after not seeing him for nearly a week. We got naked and fooled around of course! After a warm up of cane taps on my inner thighs and cunt, he made me come just through a mental connection as usual, but thankfully then prolonged the orgasm through fingering the hell out of me. I was so horny that I was practically crawling all over him whenever I got the chance. I toyed with his “spot” on his chest and he became quite horny from that. I kept desperately wanting him to fuck me. I kept debating – would asking him to fuck me be totally hot or would he feel pressured in some way? I was relieved when he decided of his own accord to fuck me. He enjoyed some porn from theupperfloor.com of forced exercise and a slave scrubbing the floor. Yikes. The forced exercise was so painful for me to watch that I hid behind his back on the bed and cuddled up next to him. I ignored the porn while he later fucked me. But he made me come over and over – at least three prolonged times. He was exhausting me as he does lately and I love being pushed to the point where I don’t think I can keep coming because my body is giving out, but then he makes me come for a while longer anyway! He can make me aroused or come at will. He really is that good. I don’t think anyone has ever made me feel as aroused – or alive – as he has.

When It Rains, It Pours

Published on October 31, 2010 in attraction, bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, caning, cunt, D/s, dating, exhibitionism, flogging, humiliation play, kink, lesbian, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex parties, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive, sybian and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I have to catch up here. I had some fun this week and haven’t posted about it yet!

Tuesday night I had alone with MasterDoc. It was the first time I’d had cock in a while and I was so ready for it. My muscles were tired (legs and arms in particular) from getting back to exercising, so I had to fight muscle fatigue while being fucked. I lay over the Liberator Axis, putting as much of my weight on it as possible. He fucked me hard enough to make me squirt and fucked me til I was exhausted. I collapsed over the axis, so very tired but also so very satisfied.

Luckily I was less tired when MasterDoc and I went to a kink party later in the week. It was one of those fabulous parties held by Sofija‘s former (?) Dom. The “Dom Arms Race” as MasterDoc calls it continues, with MasterDoc providing the sybian, the guy with the fucking machine providing that and another guy providing a spanking machine. Of course MasterDoc decided I would be a guinea pig for it. I stood where the guy told me to and the plexiglass paddle swung out via hydraulics when MasterDoc pushed the button. I have to be honest, it was pretty lame. It barely hurt. MasterDoc tried it a few times, but the consensus was that an actual spanking was far superior.

We had set up the sybian in the back of the party on a mat the host provided for us. MasterDoc did his best to charm the ladies into taking rides, but as usual there’s a lot of hesitancy until someone has demonstrated.

MasterDoc had me lean over a chair with my dress hiked up (it could only go as far as my leather waist cincher). He gave my ass a good going over with hands, crop, cane and flogger. I was delighted that the spanking went on for quite a while – he’s been pushing my limits lately. He’d also play with my cunt every now and then but didn’t bring me to orgasm. I was horny to begin with, and super horny after. My ass was quite sore after the crop, cane, flogger and his hands. He had me suck his cock and he fucked my mouth with it. I could tell he was enjoying having an audience as he so often does. I got into it too and rubbed his cock over my face, peering up at him as he stood over me. I do like me a rough, messy blow job these days.

We wandered the party a bit, and I whispered in his ear how horny I was. He pulled me close for a kiss and I swooned. Since I was so horny, he decided I’d be first to ride the sybian (as I often am). I came in the way that only horsepower can cause. I screamed, repeatedly. It felt amazing! He seemed to try to bury my head in his shoulder a bit to muffle my delighted screams. I could feel the squirt coming out of my cunt a few times and the liquid would roll past my thighs down the curved sides of the sybian. When we finished and I climbed off, I was surprised to not see much come on the mat. A bit later, however, we moved the sybian and there was a huge circle of girl come underneath. (!)

I lay on the mat resting and MasterDoc brought me some soda. “Guess who’s here?” he asked. I shook my head like I had no idea and then he told me Blondie was there. “Oh cool!” With a date. “Oh probably one of the subs she proDommes.” Her date is a woman. “Oh.” I had a momentary twinge of jealousy but then I moved on. It’s not like I don’t know she dates others (as do I!). It was lovely to see her unexpectedly. Her friend was very cool. What could have been awkward worked itself out and was quite pleasant. I watched Blondie tie up a guy, crop him, etc. As she did so she would bend over in the very short dress she was wearing. MasterDoc and I stared at her ass. MasterDoc hit it off with her friend, but of course it turned out she’s a lesbian.

As I waited outside the ladies’ room to wash off the sybian attachment, I ran into Sofija. I wondered if that could get awkward – the woman I’m actively dating and one I’ve had a long flirtation with in the same place. Sofija sexily took hold of the ring on my collar and apologized for being too busy to get together with me. She asked if I forgave her for it. I got a goofy grin on my face and my brain turned to mush. Of course I told her I wasn’t mad at her. She looked smokin’ hot. She’s tall, very curvy, her large boobs always out and available during these parties. She has curvy hips, curvy butt. Curves in all the right places. I took the liberty of playing with her tits a tiny bit. She leaned in and kissed me before moving on to her next flirtation.

After a bit, Sofija showed up by the sybian and had me hold her drink so she could get a ride. MasterDoc had me play with her during the ride and I caressed her thighs, her bountiful tits, her ass. Rowr. Just as she was worn out her (former? the current relationship isn’t clear) Dom made her get on again and come some more.

Blondie’s friend got a horsey ride and Blondie helped. She put a blindfold on her and, secured her arms behind her back. MasterDoc says it’s interesting giving sybian rides to lesbians, as they are very hesitant to lean forward onto him for support. I enjoyed watching the ride although her friend was conspicuously quiet. I don’t know that she came, but she did call the experience awesome.

Blondie and her friend didn’t play together, I’m not sure if that had anything to do with me being there or if they just came to the party as companions. Blondie stated early on that she wanted to beat some male ass pretty hard that night. She got the chance a couple of times. I could see her through the windowed room feeding baby food to the adult baby who comes to these parties. Later, I saw her giving him a firm “bare-hand” (with glove) spanking.

MasterDoc wanted me to try the fucking machine again. It didn’t work properly last time. I was strapped into massage chair set up like a gynecologist’s chair. MasterDoc applied lube and the large dildo was inserted. Mostly the machine hurt. It poked my cervix. I hated it. Of course, not being turned on worked against me. Perhaps if I had been ravenously horny I would have felt differently? I later described the experience as being “less fun than a gynecologist visit.”

As MasterDoc gave another sybian ride or two, I got to chat with Blondie a bit. She asked if I minded her reading this blog and I pointed out that I’m quite used to people reading the blog. Since it’s public and she knows about it, I’d expect that she might read it. I try to be kind to people on here (and have nothing bad to say about her anyway). I have no reason to be a bully. The only person I truly talk badly about here is the asshole who sexually assaulted me.

It was getting late, and I was growing tired. When I said goodbye to Sofija she said she really needs to get together with me as I’m so sexy. Rowr! We shared a lovely kiss goodbye.

MasterDoc and I gave Blondie a ride to the subway. She gave MasterDoc a hug from the backseat as she said goodbye, and gave me a kiss on the lips.

The following day, there was proof of “when it rains, it pours.” Stacina, who I had flirted with months ago and kept getting thwarted in fooling around with her when she came over to MasterDoc’s, joined us for lunch as she’s no longer engaged. I got a nice kiss on the lips hello, but otherwise the afternoon was quite chaste. She had back and pain issues so she wasn’t feeling up to MasterDoc’s seduction. Pity. But it was nice to hang out with her again. Suddenly the women I’ve been interested in have reappeared!

I Love Pussy

Published on October 25, 2010 in bisexuality, cunt, dating, lesbian, non-monogamy, poly, sex, squirting and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I had Blondie over Sunday night and since she has studied massage therapy and I was totally sore from pulling something during yoga over the weekend, I asked her for a massage. This wasn’t merely a ruse to get her to touch me. I think by now physical contact is a given between us. But I do I like her touching me.

She worried that her hands tend to be too hard for some people. I have to say her massaging was less intense than MasterDoc’s. (Considering his meaty hands, this is no surprise.) She knew what to do so well. She worked out the kinks in my neck and shoulder using some strawberry Body Butter. I had coyly taken off my shirt but only undone my bra so she could get at my back. I smelled wonderfully of strawberry, a scent we both loved. Next she massaged my arms and hands as I sat topless on the sofa. She’d throw in an occasional nipple graze which brought grins to both our faces.

She leaned in and we started making out. This lady is a good kisser and I enjoyed the languorous kisses, her tongue sweeping against mine over and over. She sat up and tugged a little at the yoga pants I wore. I slid them off without any more encouragement. “It’s just so hard to get me naked,” I joked. She laughed at this.

She sat herself between my legs and pressed her pelvis against my pubic mound as we kissed some more. My hips would buck upwards eagerly seeking more pressure. She sucked on my nipples, toying with them with her tongue. I had the thought, “Why isn’t everyone bisexual? Men are sexy. Women are sexy. It’s all good!” (I do understand that orientation is not chosen, but inborn.)

Before things moved on I put down the throe so I don’t ruin my new sofa. I offered gloves to her as she is really into safer sex. But this time she went without them. When explained that the throe was in case I squirted she said, “That’s kinda hot actually.” She was keen to make me squirt, but alas I didn’t. (It’s so sporadic.) But she did make me come, and come and come. I’m truly lucky that it’s fairly easy to make me come. At one point she said she wanted to make me come – I had already come a few times by then! She grinned widely at this. She’s happy that I like penetration. (She does too. Some women don’t.) Her fingers played with my cunt for the longest time. She was going to keep going until I was too tired. This went on for a while because I certainly have sexual stamina. I came many times as her hands probed my g-spot. I was really hoping to squirt since she was eager to cause it, but perhaps my massive squirting that afternoon left me without any more female come for the day.

There was a little intermission of sorts where we ended up talking for a bit. Then I reached for her legs. (I had gotten her to take off pants and sweater moments before.) I started playing with her, kissing her leg, massaging her thighs. I reached under her cute panties to massage her clit.

I got her to take her panties off so I could get a better view of things. This was actually the first time I’d seen her pussy. I lubed up my fingers and played with her clit. I slid one finger into her, then two. While I’ve played with a woman’s pussy before (many times) perhaps because I genuinely like this woman and feel a connection I marveled at how amazing it was. Female genitalia rocks. I’m so glad I eventually moved past the terrible cultural propaganda we’re all faced with. (Douche commercials, asking if you feel “not so fresh” as if your pussy has gone stale.) It’s a cultural meme that vaginas smell bad and are dirty in some way. I wish to strongly disagree. She mentioned feeling self-conscious since she had showered first thing in the morning and then ran around all day. I reassured her. After all, her cunt was soft and delicate while also wanting to be manipulated hard. For years I associated the smell of pussy with negativity – last night that was thoroughly erased. She couldn’t have smelled better. I fingered her for a long time, asking for her feedback. I could feel her cunt get wetter as her moans became more frequent. It felt good to finger fuck her and play with her clit. She asked me to put in a third finger and I did – using my thumb and pinky to press her outer labia against her clit as my middle three fingers sank in and curled up to stroke her g-spot (or at least try to!). It seemed she came close to coming one time (I loved the moans!), but an orgasm was not to be. I didn’t take it personally. I do hope I was doing a good job, but I’m willing to practice til I get it right. I know enough about sex to know that sometimes it’s hard for a woman to come, particularly with someone new.

I had work the next day and she headed out to catch the bus back to the subway. We kissed goodbye a few times. Hopefully I’ll see her again soon.

National Coming Out Day

Published on October 11, 2010 in attraction, bisexuality, dating, emotions, lesbian, musings, sex, sexuality and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

Today is National Coming Out Day in the U.S.

I’m not in a place where I feel comfortable putting my face and name here. I long to, but I understand the reality of needing a steady job. Instead, today I want to talk about accepting myself as bisexual (or pansexual) – fully, not in name only.

Last night I spent the evening with Blondie. She came over my place to watch movies (although I think we all know that such a plan is mostly an excuse to get together with someone). We only vaguely started La Dolce Vita and then later Coco Before Chanel. Both times we ended up talking or she initiated some cuddling and kissing. I still have such trouble initiating, which takes things to an absurd extreme considering a few weeks ago she fingered me to orgasm at a play party. If she wasn’t one to take the initiative, we would have just sat side by side on my sofa for hours.

I’ve written here before about the idea that I probably have some internal homophobia that goes on. I find that I was socialized for so many years to be just friends with women, that I have trouble acting like (and thinking that) I’m dating a woman. I’ve known for a very long time that I like women in pretty much the same way I like men – sexually and romantically. I first embraced the bisexual identity about 10 years ago when I stopped thinking, “Oh I like fantasizing about women, but I don’t think I want to actually do anything.” and had an epiphany that I really do like women. And yes, I want to date them, kiss them, make love to them, fuck them silly – just like I like doing with men. (In more recent years I’ve started opening myself up more to different gender representations, such as the crush I had on a wonderfully androgynous woman I sorta kinda dated briefly. And I’ve discovered that I like transmen. I have yet to become intimate with a transman, but the desire is there.)

It was lovely last night – she positioned herself so her legs were over my lap, and we would both caress whatever body parts were in reach now and then while we watched one of the movies. She asked if it was okay if she sat like that, and thankfully I can at least say, “Yes, I like this,” and articulate that her advances were not unwanted in the least. There have been women I’ve been “involved” with over the past 10 years who were just sexual playmates, but I find with Blondie that the experience is much fuller. I’m hot for her, for sure, and think it’s sexy and bold that she’s done a lot of porn in the past. But I also find her to be smart, fun to talk to, pretty and wonderful to cuddle with. She’s not just a porn actress to me, I like knowing her in her role as mother of two young children, or as someone who has studied Chinese medicine.

Thanks to her, things progressed and lots of touching, kissing, cuddling moved on to clothes coming off and nipples being sucked. (I love her nipples by the way.) While my intellectual brain sees nothing wrong with same-sex relationships, I think there’s a small part of me that has to check in with myself constantly to reassure myself that there’s nothing wrong with feeling desire for a woman and acting on it. I want to blame the Catholic church for this, as that’s how I was raised and I’m sure it has had an impact on me despite my renouncing religious faith of all kinds in my life.

Touching her, and being touched, was wonderful. She shyly checked in to see if I minded all the caressing, and I pointed out that I am a glutton for touch. I massaged her clit through her adorable new leopard print undies. She pulled mine down a bit and kissed and licked near my “landing strip” of pubic hair. Things didn’t progress into full-on sex as I was remiss in making sure I had gloves around. She prefers going the safer sex route even though she admits that the chances of transmitting infection via manual stimulation are pretty low. While I find that manual stimulation with bare hands to be an acceptable level of risk (for me), I can completely respect her wishes to use gloves. Hey, no glove, no love! So while there was teasing, tantalizing and lots of glorious foreplay, we didn’t fuck. I didn’t mind. I would have loved to fuck her, but spending time with her and being affectionate was really enough to make me happy.

But of course I will be sure to get some gloves for my place. *grin*

So I declare, on this National Coming Out Day, that I am dating a woman and am truly happy that I’m doing so. I identify as pansexual these days as bisexual just reinforces the whole gender binary thing (which isn’t really accurate). I like Blondie a great deal, and hope that things will continue to develop between us.

My coming out here isn’t really a revelation for my readers. I’ve been openly pansexual, kinky, poly and slutty for a long time here. But I needed to stand up and declare for myself that I am who I am, and who I am is just fine.

Going to the Women-Only Kink and Sex Party

Published on September 28, 2010 in bdsm, bisexuality, bondage, cunt, kink, lesbian, masochism, pillow princess, restraints, sadism, sex, sex parties, sex toys, slut, spanking and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Saturday night I braved New York City traffic to hang out with Blondie. We enjoyed dinner at a noodle place and then headed to an all-women play party. (Trans people who feel in solidarity with queer women are welcome as well.) I hadn’t been to one of these parties in years. When I went previously I was alone for at least two of the parties, and the only action I got was when I volunteered my ass for a spanking demonstration.

We wandered the labyrinthine play space and found a little action going on in the bdsm room. We watched for a little while but it was more playful than hot I suppose. Blondie asked if I would like to walk around and I pointed out that while I like watching, I prefer being the show.

She brought toys. I got to see some of what she was bringing when I met her at her apartment but I didn’t know what she was going to do with me. She put me on a padded table laying on my back, and secured the three leather straps around me. I was secured to the table wearing only black lacy panties. She cropped and flogged me – only interspersing some pain with the sensation play. She had a double sided hair brush (bristles on one side, metal pins on the other topped off with rounded plastic pieces. She used the brush on me – to strike my thighs, to run along my feet. She’s extremely sensual and I loved all the attention. She checked in on me regularly and I told her that I was totally in a happy place – a pretty woman was working me over. What was not to love?

She would crop or use the hairbrush on my feet. She does some tickling – and I’m extremely ticklish. But for the most part she applied enough pressure to keep from tickling beyond what was pleasurable. She used her rabbit fur flogger on me again. I really am a sensation slut. Being touched, feeling different sensations on my body makes me happy. She straddled me on table to get better aim of my tits. She’s slim and light enough to not put too much pressure on me. She also has studied massage and has an idea of what body parts can bear the weight easier. She used the brush on my tits and it wasn’t painful like I expected. Only the slightest sensation of pain, mainly just an interesting sensation of bristles being carefully pressed into my breasts.

She undid the straps and had me turn over. She gave me a pretty hard spanking using hands, crop and flogger. We discussed things in between since we’re both getting to know each other and she mentioned how she can be a total bitch and inflict tons of pain on men. I could tell she has the capacity to leave me crying if she wanted, but of course she kept my limits in mind. She asked if I could tolerate having my hands cuffed behind my back for a bit. If you read here regularly you know I have a thing for this! She had a simple pair of metal, play (safety latch) handcuffs with fuzzy animal print covers. She did flogging and cropping. She took off my panties while my hands were behind my back. She came over and told me she needed a bunch of saliva (lubrication) and I spit onto her gloved hand as best I could. She toyed with my cunt for a bit, kneeling on the table behind me. She asked if I would be ok alone momentarily (and at an all-women party I feel the safety level is higher than a mixed gender party). I said I would be fine for just a bit and she disappeared. I lay there with my hands secured behind my back.

Shortly after she came back I needed my arms down since it had been several minutes (my arms were sore the day after). She mounted the table again and slathered my pussy with lube. Ah, she had gone to get lube. She slid fingers into me and slowly worked my cunt. She knew the right places to probe and soon I was moaning – hopefully loud enough for her to hear over the loud music. When she got a little more intense with the fingering I moaned out, “Oh yeah!” over and over. She made me come but the pleasure ebbed and flowed rather than being one big explosion. I came a couple of times, however.

These parties feature some sort of demonstration each time, and Saturday night it was how to deep throat. (For those not aware, it’s a thing in the lesbian community to give your partner’s strap-on a blow job.) There was a cute woman standing near us with lovely combo of great tits and a hard silicone cock poking up over her men’s briefs and she had sideburns (on her face, not a euphemism for extensive pubic hair). I would have been up for us playing with her. She seemed interested in Blondie. But considering I’ve just started seeing Blondie, suggesting we add someone felt like it might be a misstep.

We got to watch some truly hot scenes after. There was a lovely combination of butches, femmes and everything in between. There were some transwomen and transmen. There seems to be a lot of respect for scenes in progress and I appreciated that. I’m used to pushy swing club guys. (MasterDoc and I seldom go to the local bdsm club – there’s no sex allowed there.)

I was worried as we ended the evening that I had been a pillow princess – I’ve certainly been accused of that before. As we said good night I told her we would (very soon!) have to rectify the fact that I haven’t made her come yet. Hopefully I’ll get to do that soon.

Catching Up/Lesbian Sheep Dance Begone!

Published on September 11, 2010 in bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, caning, cunnilingus, cunt, D/s, dating, flogging, kink, lesbian, masochism, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I’ve gotten so behind! I’m still spending a lot of my downtime putting together my apartment. I found notes from an interlude last weekend that I will try to flesh out here – and I got a wonderful beating the other night – and I had a date with a woman today that actually went well.

Last weekend I hadn’t expected any sex on Monday because I had just had hot sex with MasterDoc a couple of nights in a row and I knew that he was having alone time with DeeDee that night. But Monday afternoon he was suddenly horny and decided on a quickie. Ooh! I wasn’t going to say no.

He started out by going down on me, something he does only sporadically. He doesn’t have any hang ups with it being “undomly” or anything like that, I just think it’s not his first thought when it comes to fooling around. I don’t mind too much as I find it takes me longer to come from oral. It’s something that feels good but doesn’t push me over the edge as easily as penetration. He made me come, mainly from his tongue doing delightful things to my clitoris and labia, but the real coming happened when he included fingers inside me and toyed with my g-spot.

I asked him if he would fuck me. Not to put down the cunnilingus, but I wanted his cock inside me. He admitted that’s where he was going before he got distracted.

He had me suck him into hardness so we could fuck. He choked me on cock once and it was hot as always. He had me get on top and I rode his cock with all the energy I had. I came tons of times.

Moments later, he decided he wanted more so he fucked me from behind. (Yes, please!) I just love bouncing back on his cock! I came even more – something I seem to say every time he and I fool around. I felt like he had fucked my brains out. Truly. I was well fucked.

Mid-week I got an extra evening with him, and I straight out asked if he could give me a beating. It had been a while since I got a full on flogger/cane/etc beating. He took his time and warmed me up. He beat me hard with the flogger and I still have a tender spot by one shoulder from his flogging my upper back. I was in subspace in no time flat.

He likes to stop and feel my cunt to see if I’m getting wet. I was able to tell there was wetness from the evaporation that would occur when he swung the flogger and it made a breeze. I could feel that my cunt was damp because the air would make it evaporate and cool me slightly.

MasterDoc used a vibe on me, but alas it was one that isn’t quite strong enough for me. He told me to come and I struggled with orgasms that evening. I didn’t come as hard as I would have liked initially, but I did come plus the beating was what I was really after. I had such an endorphin rush afterwards. The big finale was when he beat me and told me to come while I furiously stroked my clit. I squirted all over my hand and that was a truly satisfying orgasm.

It really is a kindness for him to take the time to beat me, something I’m sure many non-kinksters can’t understand. I felt calmer and more centered after like I usually do.

Then today I had a date. With a lady who contacted me on a dating site. She’s bi, kinky, poly, etc like I am but she’s a switch who is pretty comfortable Domming. I was my usual lesbian-sheep-dancing self, but thankfully despite her soft-spokenness she’s much more assertive than I am. She giggled nervously before kissing me, but damn I would have just sat there like an idiot forever had she not. She had no reason to be nervous but of course on a first date it can be hard to tell if it’s welcome or not – although moments before we a)clarified that I can bottom to people other than my Dom in certain circumstances (women generally get a free pass) and b) we both had fun and wanted to get together again.

The first kiss was lovely as she bent over me sitting on my bed (not having a sofa delivered yet has its advantages) but I really liked it when she then pushed me down on the bed and got on top of me for more making out. Rowr. My makeout sessions with women are so few and far between that I just totally savor the feeling of a woman pressing against me and how soft her skin inevitably is. It was lovely. I told her about the lesbian sheep dance and she had to admit she knows the dynamic it describes. I thanked her a couple of times for being more assertive than I am, thus saving me from myself and my lack of confidence in initiating something physical with a woman. I’m looking forward to seeing her again soon.

Why The Lesbian Sheep Dance?

Published on July 16, 2010 in anxiety, attraction, bisexuality, lesbian, musings, poly, sexuality and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

The other day MasterDoc asked me if, when it comes to dating women, I sabotage myself. I had to say yes, I think I do but of course figuring out why is much harder.

I do wonder if I have some deeply internalized homophobia going on – as in, being gay is just fine but oooh I’d be a bad person if I did it. Perhaps my upbringing in a Catholic family (albeit rather lapsed), in the suburbs (where people tend to conform even more), during the 80′s (you never saw openly gay kids in high school back then – at least not in the burbs where I was, and blatant homophobia was rampant) all contributed to this state of affairs. My grandmother, who I grew up in the house with, would have flipped out over my brother being gay or me being bi. She was deeply distressed back when Rosie O’Donnell came out. She liked Rosie and was bewildered to find that she’s “a gay.” I pointed out to her that she was still the same exact person she enjoyed watching on tv before, only now she knew more about her private life than before.

My grandmother passed away in 2002, and while I was out to myself as bi (and had had sex with women by then) I was totally closeted as far as my family was concerned. I’m still not out to my dad. My brother only came out as gay around 2006 (he’s much younger than me, he was around 23 at the time). My father, who I was always close to, is deeply uncomfortable with homosexuality. He’s a 62-year-old man who grew up in a Catholic family during an era when homosexuality was truly vilified (hey, he grew up in New York pre-Stonewall). In so many ways my dad is a spectacular guy – but he cannot seem to get it into his head that homosexuality is not a choice, does not do bad things to your soul, and ultimately is a natural part of the world. He would never be mean or antagonistic towards someone he knew was gay, but he would be deeply uncomfortable.

Since I’ve been closer to my dad than my mom, it’s not surprising that after my brother came out I came out to my mother – because frankly I could give a shit if she didn’t like it. But I’m really afraid of disappointing my father. Already, he’s struggling with the whole poly thing and he hasn’t even met MasterDoc yet (and has no idea he’s much older than me). Imagine if I threw a girlfriend into the mix?

My mother was totally accepting of both my brother and I – though I don’t think she quite “gets” that poly is an ongoing thing and not just something you do until you settle down. Her family was far more liberal than my father’s ever was. (The aforementioned grandmother who I grew up with was dad’s mom.) And while my brother is gay and open-minded in some ways, he does identify still as Roman Catholic (says his Facebook page) and *shudder* republican. Being the way out left liberal that I am kinda makes me the black sheep of my immediate family. They’re largely used to and embracing of how “unique” I am, but there’s still some things best not discussed around family. I’m used to keeping parts of myself and my life secret from them.

So do I sabotage myself? It’s possible. Why don’t I ever EVER make a move on a woman I’m interested in? If a woman I like pursues me, then we’re fine, but as so many of us ladies do the lesbian sheep dance it leaves me in a position where I long for a woman in my life, but never quite get one. How can I work through this and get over my subconscious hang up?

The Lesbian Sheep Dance

Published on April 11, 2010 in attraction, bisexuality, blogs, lesbian, Uncategorized and vacation. 7 Comments

So as I’ve quite openly mentioned on my twitter feed, I just visited Seattle for a few days. I’d never been to the Pacific Northwest before. I always had the impression I’d like it and I really enjoyed my short time there. Seattle is clean, the people are polite and it’s just generally a nice place to be. The weather was changeable and I’ve said it reminds me of weather in England. However, I’m told that the weather the past few days has been more changeable than usual.

I consumed a lot of coffee because it seems like the thing to do out there and it helped me deal with jet lag. I’m going to have a hard time getting back on New York time tonight. I stayed with my friend Liz, who used to be MasterDoc’s roomate. It’s been great seeing her again, and she also has a positively adorable, sweet dog. Seriously, I think I’d like to come out just to visit the dog. She and her husband were great hosts and I’m thankful to have them to stay with – not only for the companionship and visiting but also because I saved a shit ton of money not staying in a hotel.

I got to meet fellow blogger Coy Pink, who was a big part of my decision to visit Seattle. We’ve been friendly online for a while and she just seemed so nice (and hot – have you seen her pictures?) She also offered that her husband Alec, a photographer, could take pictures of me – sexy pics for the blog that also have the advantage of being photographed by someone who really knows the art of photography – not just me and my friends and a point and shoot camera which is my usual.

On Thursday Coy Pink and her daughters showed me around the city a bit. Her daughters are adorable and very bright. That night she and I had dinner together, and we could finally talk about grown up, sex blogger things. I spent Friday exploring the city alone, and in the afternoon I met up with Twisted Monk briefly for coffee and to see his rope factory. (It’s small, smaller than you would envision for a company that’s noted in the kink community.) While I had met him before, we hadn’t really had time to chat and get to know each other. It was a pleasure to hang out with him. He talked a little about how he lost a lot of his life (family, etc.) when outed as kinky, and he didn’t intend to become a bondage rope manufacturer. That said, he seems fairly happy with what he does. But I always hate hearing these cautionary tales of kinksters who had their lives wrecked when the wrong people found out about their personal life. Where’s the vaunted American ideal of “freedom”? If someone wants to be a crazy creationist christian fundamentalist, I don’t think they should be harassed for their beliefs (as long as they don’t try to impose them on others) – so why the hell can’t non-kinky people just accept that some of us are kinky? American puritanism drives me bonkers.

Friday night I drove out to see Coy Pink in her suburban home. I had dinner with her family and made friends with her older daughter. Since my life is so different, not having kids, a house or a husband of my own, I felt a bit of envy at her domestic happiness and stability. I think we all want what we don’t have. I’m fairly happy with my life but you sometimes ask yourself, “What if I had done things differently?” Although when I ask myself that, I remind myself that there’s been no boyfriend in the past who I wanted to settle down and have kids with. Not really. I thought I did with the first boyfriend but I’m lucky to have gotten out of that relationship before marriage could happen.

Once the girls were in bed, we went downstairs to Alec’s (Coy Pink’s husband) photo studio. I can’t wait to see the pictures, Coy Pink has a couple of her and I up on her blog. There were photos taken including my face, for my own personal use/enjoyment, and faceless shots that I hope to use here. It’s funny how I felt like I should be modest somehow in front of them, but then I realized this was some sort of strange false modesty and I should just enjoy taking half naked photos.

Now, did I mention before that I think Coy Pink is hot? Yes, she is. And as usual I’m an idiot who did the lesbian sheep dance, which I always manage to do. I suppose I should tell you all what the lesbian sheep dance is….

There’s been a lot of research into homosexual sheep, because there’s many male homosexual sheep and it’s an issue for sheep breeders. They can’t get the gay sheep to mate with the women sheep of course. Now in the process of this research they noticed they didn’t come across any lesbian sheep. Do they not exist?

Eventually the researchers realized something – when female sheep want to signal readiness and interest in sex, they stand very, very still. And if you have two female sheep interested in sex with each other? They will both stand very, very still. And of course then nothing happens. This is what happens with me (and other women) when dating women. We both hope the other will make the first move, and ultimately nothing happens because we both stand around waiting for the other one to make the first move.

My friend V. created the phrase “lesbian sheep dance” to describe this state of excessive passivity (and YES, I know that this issue is NOT unique to lesbians) and I am the self-declared queen of it. Coy is awfully cute and sexy, making out with her (or more) would have been fantastic. But I felt awkward trying to be flirty with her husband around, and of course doubted that she had any interest in me in that way. I tweeted about being the queen of the lesbian sheep dance after I had told her they story of the term that night. She replied, “Well, if you’re the queen of the dance, I’m the princess. ” Oh my. I was determined to hit on her Saturday night (my final night in town) but we were all out in a group – myself, Coy, her husband Alec, Butchtastic Kyle, Roxy, Scarlet Lotus and Onyx. I had met Kyle and Roxy briefly at the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar party in November, but hadn’t met Scarlet and Onyx. I have to say I like them even more in person than online. We ate, drank and made merry – including a trip to a sex store afterward. We ate next door to the Seattle Babeland, but they were closed by the time we finished with dinner. Down the street there was another store though and we all went and browsed. Onyx found some wonderful t-shirts that say things like, “I like to get drunk and fuck people.” or “I cleaned out my ass for this?” There were humongous dildoes and butt plugs. Coy found some sexy clothing on sale. Hopefully these articles will appear in future photos her husband takes of her.

Hanging out in a sex shop with a bunch of perverts who blog about sex was fantastically fun. I only wish I could do it again sometime soon. It’s frustrating when you find people who you enjoy spending time with but they live on the other side of the country (especially when you live in such a large country as the United States).

So I’m afraid I don’t have any hot sex stories to share with you. The night before I left MasterDoc did make me come by simply sucking on my finger – very hot but the rest of the night is now a faded memory.