Perhaps after being sick I just needed some deep reconnection. When you’re sick, you’re very isolated. You are the only one going through what you’re going through, plus others keep a distance to avoid contagion. The aches and pains and nose blowing keeps your focus and takes away from your interactions with others. You withdraw because you need the rest.
When I was fairly over being sick, MasterDoc and I had sex a couple of times, but somehow it was not quite what I needed. He pissed on me. I came, much to my continuing shame. He beat me. He really pushed my pain tolerance. And he made me come. I hit a soothing state of calm and relaxation post-beating. But somehow I still didn’t feel satisfied. I felt guilt over this. But I still felt like something I needed wasn’t being met. After talks, I think MasterDoc figured out what I needed, because that’s what he gave me. That evening he said lovely things about being happy with me, me being cute, etc. I needed reassurance that I was still attractive. I needed reassurance that I was still loved. I know the last bit sounds strange, after all I certainly know he loves me. But I just needed to be reassured. And I felt soothed by his love and reassurances. I needed attention. I had felt frustrated earlier because he used the “suck my dick and then hop on for a ride” thing two days in a row (i.e., no foreplay for Nadia). I felt distanced, I felt like my enjoyment of the sex didn’t make a difference. I felt removed from the sex. This depressed me.
Well ok, brain chemicals made me depressed, but this is what I got depressed about when given the right mental climate.
I craved touch. I craved attention. I realized that the touching was more important to me than the orgasms that night. And so he held me. He caressed me. I felt so much better in his arms and with his hands on me. I just needed to be touched. I think probably everything else could have been the same and if more touching was just added I would have found it satisfying as usual. My skin was hungry.
The next day he did more of the same. He told me that while he thinks it’s “lazy Dom’s prerogative” to tell the sub to get aroused and ready for fucking without any help, he doesn’t think that should be the norm and he could understand how it seems like a trend to me – but it really isn’t a trend in our sex life. He took time to play with my ass with the e-stim machine. My cunt was wet and swollen and as he zapped my ass I was so aroused. He fingered me, toyed with my clit. He made me come and squirt.
He continued to be very hands on, and I was happy to have him fuck me. He fucked me from behind and I savored when he’d grab hold of me and give me a good fucking. I think in addition to touch I crave being “taken.” I’ve been thinking lately that I want to be able to role play becoming someone’s sex slave involuntarily. For some reason I get turned on by pretending I don’t want to do what I’m doing sexually. I want to be physically forced or encouraged to do things. I want to be be tied up (or cuffed, rather) and gagged.
But I digress. I toyed with his balls and such with my Siri vibrating. When he did eventually ask if I could get on top of his cock and ride, I was thoroughly into it. I fucked him, rocking myself back and forth on his cock. I came so close to orgasm. He kept taking me to the edge. It was almost as if I couldn’t get enough of his cock sliding in and out of me. I wanted to come so, so badly.
I had to stop when my hips got sore and tired. I can do straddling for only so long. I lay next to him and he had enjoyed the fuck wholeheartedly. I still wanted to come, so I calmly mentioned that yes, the fuck was amazing, but I had wanted to come so badly. Since I asked nicely, he helped me come by using his fingers. I squirted some more and was just bowled over by the feeling of his hands in my cunt, on my cunt, around my cunt.
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