Hypnosis | Diary of a Kinky Librarian

In the flurry of activity surrounding my move and setting up house by myself, I’ve been slow to blog about things. Once I’m more settled I should get back to a more regular posting pattern. I also hit a depression earlier lsdy week and it totally killed my libido. Moving is stressful. Parting ways with someone you think the world of but didn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with anymore is stressful. My depression put a strain on my relationship with MasterDoc, but to his credit he looks past the obvious endogenous depression hyperbole my complaints take on during such a period and he acknowledges the kernel of truth behind them. I love that we work on things when either of us is not perfect – which of course is all the time! I need to learn to soften my words when I’m upset so I don’t hurt him. He needs to understand that a time of great stress in my life is not a time to push me to be self-reliant.

As the depression lifted we could have good talks about these things and I’m feeling very happy about our relationship again. My libido started to return, but my head was still in a space of feeling undesirable and taken for granted. He listened well this time when I said what I needed, and Friday night we had some time alone in the playroom.

Lots of cuddles were in order, but also some cock sucking. He touched me a lot and his touch was very healing. I crave physical contact sometimes, I think it comes from a having family who were always very withholding with physical affection. My memories of Friday night are a bit fuzzy. I think the orgasms erased all around them, and I just remember coming so very hard. He grabbed hold of my hair many times and this feeling of him having control over me was absolutely soothing. Being submissive can be a release. I can let go of my rambling thoughts plaguing me with things I need to get done. In that period of time I am just his.

He had me ride his cock and he worked hard thrusting up into me. For some reason I felt a bit sore when he plunged deep, but in the mindset I had that evening, the little bit of pain was delicious and arousing. He grabbed a tight hold of me and made me come until I was laying on him like a wet noodle.

Earlier that night as we discussed how well he can make me come now by just telling me to, he said that from now on, when he says, “Good girl” I am supposed to come.

The following evening as he caressed me and brought me into subspace with just some gentle touching he said, “Good girl.” The first time he said it it didn’t register with me. I didn’t immediately remember his directive from the night before. He said it again, however, and as my mind registered the meaning of the phrase I started to come. Something in me fought it, but the orgasm won. It can be disconcerting at times how well he can control me with just his mind. “No!” a part of me said, “He can’t possibly make me orgasm just by telling me ‘good girl’!” But indeed he can.

He got the canes out after this and he tapped on my clit with the cane tip. He slapped my pussy. He lightly caned my inner thighs. That night I was craving roughness. I expressed this to him and he took me up on it – not necessarily in the ways I envisioned, but then he wouldn’t be in control if he did everything just as I want it. He looked at me evilly as he picked up the clover clamps and the Wartenburg wheel. My nipples would have recoiled if they could, but thankfully he wasn’t heading for my nipples. He placed one clamp on my right outer labia. The pain from the pressure was intense but I breathed through the pain as he told me to do. He attached the other clamp to my other labia and the pain was something else. But you know you’re a masochist when you think, “Oh my god that hurts. Oh my got that hurts. Holy shit, I want to come.”

He told me to come and despite, or perhaps because of, the pain on my labia I came hard. He ran the pinwheel over my skin as I came and the sensations were so very stimulating. Mid-orgasm, no pain existed. The orgasm was all that existed for me. As I came down, the pain resumed and he took the clamps off. More pain shot through my labia as the blood rushed back to those previously clamped spots. He tapped on my sore lips a bit, making me quiver.

I lay there a moment recovering and discussing with him how odd it feels to be so turned on by him hurting me. It goes along with the dominance aspect – he has such control over me that he can make me hurt if he wishes to.

He had me lay at the end of the bed with my head hanging over it. It was an experiment as we weren’t sure I could take a cock deep in my mouth from that angle. But jeez it was amazing. At times his balls fell over my nose and made it hard to breathe, but I simply held them out of the way gently. When I’d start to really gag on his cock I’d feel a slight bit of panic, but then he’d take his cock out for a moment and instantly I was ready to go again. The roughness, the using me, made me so hot. I possibly could have come from that alone He grabbed my tits as he slid his cock into my mouth from above.

After a rest, he had me present my ass to him, and he lubed up and inserted by medium Njoy pure plug.

He teased me, and I had a hard time figuring out what exactly was penetrating my cunt. He had me move to the end of the bed so he could fuck me from behind – and he was so very kind as to give me the Hitachi to use. The sensation of my vibrating clit, paired with feeling completely filled up by his cock and the butt plug, threw me headlong to the edge. He told me to come and I had over the top orgasms for what seemed like several minutes. I did not want to stop. Everything around me was blotted out and only my orgasms existed. It was like having a mental version of tunnel vision. I squirted much more than usual – I could feel a gush from my cunt and the fluid run over my hand holding the Hitachi. I gushed again as he continued to make me come and it was truly amazing. I must have squirted twice as much as I would usually squirt (when I squirt).

I wish I could convey the mental intimacy that goes along with our sex. It definitely enhances the sex tenfold but it’s one of those things that is particular to the two people involved.

He had me keep the butt plug in and I got up for a snack. Unfortunately with the lube and the smoothness (and the weight) of the plug it started to slip out while I was fixing a snack in the kitchen. I hope no one was looking out their window across from us as the blinds were soaking in the tub and his neighbors could have easily seen me reach back and slide the plug back in. He let me take it out a little later because I had to walk all sorts of clenched in order to keep it in.

I was satiated and tired. I’m pretty sure I slept soundly that night.

Last night, I got to experience a kink I’ve been curious about since at least last summer. When MasterDoc and I (and DeeDee) were at Floating World, I attended a lecture on erotic hypnosis with Lee Harrington. I’ve been intrigued with the possibilities since, and got my hands on “Look into My Eyes: How to Use Hypnosis to Bring Out the Best in Your Sex Life” By Peter Masters. Since MasterDoc and I liked the book, I got him a copy around his birthday.

I jotted down notes when I got home last night, and at the time I felt like I couldn’t recall everything, but as time has passed I feel like I remember much more of the experience. I know I was given a suggestion to not remember anything, but as it was a) the second time ever I’ve been hypnotized, b) the first time this gentleman was hypnotizing me and c) he was hypnotizing me and DeeDee at the same time – I don’t expect perfection.

I suppose I’m leaving out an important part: I was contacted a while back by the guy who runs the erotic hypnosis group on fetlife. He was traveling to the area on business, and would we like to meet and talk about it? I passed this on to MasterDoc and we managed to set up a meeting last night.

I hadn’t expected to be hypnotized last night, but I suppose I should have expected MasterDoc to set that up without telling me. We discussed hypnosis in general for a while and then set up the room so Hypnoguy (as I’ll call him here) could face both DeeDee and I. He played with his watch a bit and had us focus on the flashing of the glass as he tilted it back and forth. He spoke in a mellow voice and my eyes grew heavy and closed as he said they would. (I’m probably a rather suggestible person.) He led us into trance and spoke with our subconscious selves. Hypnotism isn’t exactly like being asleep, although I suppose it could be if you went under deep enough. You’re still aware of what’s going on but everything is sort of removed. He gave us suggestions about feeling turned on – our breasts felt warm and aroused, we felt aroused elsewhere – and then he had us touch ourselves when we felt turned on. Then he verbally led us to orgasm. While I had been putting pressure on my clit through my jeans, that wasn’t what triggered the orgasm – it was really quite verbal. I spasmed in the chair I was in and I was faintly aware of my hands scrabbling on the smooth leather arms trying to get a hold of something as I came and came.

It was quite impressive.

We were woken up now and then, and then put back into trance with a trigger word. He had us lay face down on the bed for a hypno-spanking: he would tell us ahead of time how pleasurable or painful a touch would be. Then he’d spank lightly or run his fingers on our backs. I didn’t experience much in the way of pain, but then again I often find mild pain stimulating rather than disagreeable. I do remember when he dragged his fingers on my back after suggesting it was painful and I writhed underneath, trying to get away from his hands. It wasn’t painful per se, but it was unpleasant. He did the same thing again later, but gave the suggestion that it was pleasurable and it felt different entirely. He had us come again, not once but twice. The second time on the bed he told us we could come when we held hands. Mine and DeeDee’s hands searched each other out and we came as we gripped each other’s hand tightly.

There were post hypnotic suggestions given, I do consciously remember that one is when MasterDoc says “secret” I should take my clothes off without thinking about it consciously. We’ll see how that works out in practice. I would imagine that things like post hypnotic suggestion work better when you’ve done hypnosis a while, and/or are doing it with someone you already have an established trust with.

I was worried about squirting into my jeans while I came, but Hypnoguy had said earlier that your subconscious looks out for you and I think mine did just that. I also get the impression that my subconscious is eager to play around behind the back of my consciousness for a while.