Archive for the 'humor' Category

Amazing Night

Published on January 12, 2010 in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, blow jobs, exhibitionism, humiliation play, humor, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting and submissive. 1 Comment

Unusually, there were lots of couples at the club last night. We didn’t get to play with any of them, but it did lead to a night with more going on than usual. I think the couples may have even outnumbered the single men for once.

We always take some time to relax, walk around a bit, see who’s there and what’s going on. I try to wait patiently until MasterDoc is ready to take me into the room of his choosing to play. This time we were in the back bedroom. It’s a little more private than others, but of course being a swing club it’s not entirely private. And hey, if we wanted privacy we would have stayed home.

We played in there, and gradually drew a crowd. He was naked when I returned from the restroom and he had me put on my collar and suck his cock. I went at it with gusto and a few people came in to peek, one man even walked around to the other end of the bed to get a good luck at my cocksucking. MasterDoc was hard in no time and I kept working his cock over, sliding it into the depths of my mouth, deep throating it as much as possible. He had me rub his cock between my breasts and I used my hands to press my large, soft breasts together around his cock. I rubbed the head on my nipples. I sucked his rigid cock some more until he told me to stop.

He played with my body – nipples, breasts, pussy. He took my bullet vibe and used it against my clit. I yearned for him to push it against the right side of my clit, for some reason that side is more sensitive. When I masturbate I almost exclusively press it against the right side. But the teasing was delicious. I took over the vibe and pressed it hard against that sweet spot. He fingered me and made me come. Between the feel of his fingers inside me, massaging my g-spot hard, and the buzzy vibe on my clit I was lost in the orgasms I had. I was loud. Very loud. People came to see what was going on. I’m not sure if I was speaking in tongues or just muttering, “Fuck, fuck, fuck yes!” over and over.

He fucked me from behind after a short break and again an audience gathered. It seemed like I wasn’t quite getting into things – I was moaning and feeling good but not quite getting to the edge. (However I was really enjoying the fact that people were watching me.) But then he told me to come and I came, squirting a pond’s worth of liquid. I soaked nearly half the bed. I wish I had a camera with me because it was something to behold. He slapped my pussy and stroked it as I kept coming. I wanted his fingers inside me so badly, and he finally slid them in and toyed with my g-spot. The audience was wowed. I came loudly, hard and for a long time, with a soaking stream of come to show for it. I couldn’t help myself, I just laughed. I couldn’t stop giggling about the mess I had made. Cuddles weren’t possible since we each had to take a rest on opposite sides of the puddle. Luckily the club puts down waterproof lining under the sheets. Of course, I got a towel and cleaned up after myself, putting the wet sheets in the hamper.

While some might have been embarrassed, I was proud of my orgasm. I had such a grin on my face and I walked around standing straight and tall. I felt amazing. The orgasm was not only impressive from the outside, it was impressive for me to experience too.

We got dressed, got drinks and were waved over by a couple. Immediately after watching my orgasm, the guy had said that he wanted lessons from MasterDoc, and MasterDoc told him he gives lessons. The woman seemed keen on her man learning whatever it was that made me come so spectacularly. MasterDoc told him many of his tricks – key one being taking the time to observe and see what turns the woman you’re with on. Every woman is different but if you’re willing to sublimate your needs/desires for a couple of sessions, you will learn much and she will thank you for it!

After a rest he led me to the bdsm room in back. He had me pull my pants off and get on the spanking bench. My pain tolerance rather high and he spanked me hard. I was surprised at how much I could take, the first bit of spanking turned me on way more than it hurt. He kept at it, using his hands, using the slut paddle. It was a prolonged spanking and one I was happy to receive. MasterDoc would shine the flashlight on my red ass every now and then, and I delighted in the humiliation of it. By the time I got up (brain drenched in endorphins), there was a crowd and MasterDoc joked with them. He tried to convince people to try the paddle – male or female, he pointed out that being a top is not a gendered thing. There was some playing and I had to laugh at all the “big, strong” men who were too wussy to try what I had just had done for an extended period of time. My ass was sore, but I sat down while they joked and played around and someone pointed out that I was actually able to sit after that spanking! One woman actually got MasterDoc to let her give him a few swats (after much persuading). How odd! He didn’t react really. Meanwhile, endorphins were flowing through me and the soreness of my butt was negligible thanks to them.

I walked out of that club last night feeling like a million bucks. The sex was amazing. The spanking was amazing. I got in MasterDoc’s car grinning like an idiot. I felt like I was on some sort of drugs. I felt so happy that I’m someone who has embraced sexuality and not let society’s conventions stop me from having the time of my life.

It Started with the Nipples

Published on December 16, 2009 in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, analingus, bdsm, blow jobs, cunt, humor, masturbation, orgasm on command, sex, shio, squirting and submissive. 1 Comment

He asked me to massage his calf as he lay on the sofa, his feet in my direction. I massaged the closest one, propped up on the back of the sofa. After a couple of minutes of this, he points out that massaging his calf makes his cock hard. Indeed, it is standing at attention. He commented on how that’s funny.

“Maybe it’s because I’m catering to your every whim,” I suggested.

“Yes. Maybe that’s it. Now remember what makes me hard,” he says with a grin. We are definitely people who are wired a bit differently when it comes to sex.

We were slowly making our way to the bedroom and I hadn’t had a chance to make up the bed yet. I needed to move pillows around, take the blanket off, lay the throe down. I point this out just as he lays down on the bed with his laptop. “The things I do for you,” he grumbles as he gets back up. I laughed and said, “Oh yes, you get up and allow me to make your bed.”

Needless to say my collar was not on yet. We both chuckled.

Everything settled, we lay on the bed. He rolls over from looking at the laptop and is face to face with my tit. He starts sucking on my nipple and does it so well. He doesn’t just latch on and suck like some guys do, he licks, sucks, tugs, swirls his tongue over it. He varies it enough that it’s nothing but exciting. I close my eyes and get all sorts of turned on.

He has me shift so he can reach my pussy and he slaps it, alternating with feeling around my cunt to see if I’m wet. I got really h0rny from the nipple teasing but, sadly, not wet. He sucked on the other nipple and again I was lost in reverie although somehow a little bit less this time. (I started analyzing how most guys suck nipples compared to what MasterDoc does.)

Enough of toying with my body – he had me suck his cock. As always I enjoyed it. I sucked it in deep and tried to make it touch the back of my throat. I do this for quite a while, and then he makes me shift so I’m between his legs. My mouth back on his cock, he laces his fingers in my hair and says he’s going to try a little bit of face fucking. I hold my head still and he thrusts a little into it. He’s relatively gentle, probably because we’ve never done this before. I gag a bit but manage to hold it in, and my mouth floods with saliva. I eventually have to take my mouth off to let the dam of saliva out. But I thought the whole thing was really hot: his using my mouth like an object, feeling his hands in my hair holding my head.

He fucked me from behind. I had lubed myself up so I was ready. (The spirit is willing but the flesh is a bit dry.) After a while, he takes a break to deal with penis, which has started not to cooperate. I reach back and start stroking my clit at just the right time – he says he was just about to tell me to lick his ass to help get him fully hard again. I get really worked up stroking that throbbing, jutting clit of mine. My clit is fairly big without being very big. It’s not hard to find it, but it doesn’t resemble a small penis. He fucks me again. I get close to coming but alas the pain in my knees outweighs the pleasure eventually.

He has me get the Liberator axis and a blindfold. We put porn on the laptop and masturbate side by side. He gets on top, and I put the blindfold on. He fucks me slowly and deeply. The axis makes him get in quite deep without trying. He gets me worked up with alternating faster fucking. And suddenly, he tells me to come. I can feel my vagina of steel clamp down and his cock slowly pushed out. He slaps pussy, rubs clit with an index finger and I keep on coming. I squirt as he keeps up the teasing touches and I grasp his arm that’s beside me, supporting his weight, as I gasp and come. He gets his fingers poised at my hole. I so want him to finger fuck me, and I’m sure he knows that at those moments I ache desperately for it. He thrusts his fingers in and I come even harder.

I was in ecstasy. I could do nothing immediately after but smile at him goofily.

As I come to my senses I stroke his chest. He comments that I know how to make him feel good, and I was stroking exactly how he had once told me to remember. I start to think nasty thoughts. I think to myself that I actually want him to make me lick his ass. I’m at the point where I want him to make me do things I don’t like because, well, the power exchange involved would be hot. The act of licking his ass isn’t erotic for me in and of itself, but the idea that I’m doing it as a submissive, to please him, is hot. I play with cock and ass as he lays on the bed. I start to snuggle his tummy and chest and lick and kiss. He’s clearly enjoying this while I apply pressure to his perineum. He gets up on hands and knees, still not sure if he’s going to have me lick his ass. He strokes his cock while I massage his back, then ass. I realize that he would like his ass licked, and so without even being told to, I take it upon myself to go at his ass with my mouth and tongue to make him feel good. He really enjoys it. And I think he was probably a bit surprised at how I dove right in; first nibbling one cheek, then the other, then pulling his ass apart so my tongue could reach the puckered hole.

He has enough my oral ministrations after a little while. (And I have the thought that it would be neat to get ice cream as a reward when I do it. *grin* I don’t say this while my collar is on - it wouldn’t be appropriate at all.) I lube up my fingers and start to massage his ass. I gently work finger in, feeling the series of muscles as I make my way into his asshole. I push towards the prostate in the front. I think to also massage his perineum with my thumb while doing this. He seemed to really like it. I follow his directions to press harder on the prostate. A feeling of power comes over me as he grunts and comes. Very strange when, within a submissive place, I found there’s a sort of power in being able to make him feel so good. I lay down with a self-satisfied grin after.

I have the bratty thought that it would be funny to offer him my finger to lick. I hold back because my collar is still on.

He asks me to heat a plate of food for him and in case you’re wondering, yes I did scrub my hands well before preparing his food. But I couldn’t resist, after my collar was off, pointing out to him that if he’s so sure that ass-to-mouth is safe, then it really shouldn’t have mattered if I prepared his food with my finger still covered in essence d’ass. He said, yes, that’s true. Perhaps one day if I’m feeling ballsy I’ll try this out.

Sex and Tea

Published on November 17, 2009 in Uncategorized, anal, depression, dom, happy, humor, masochism, mental illness, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting and trust. 4 Comments

So MasterDoc knew that orgasms and/or a beating would help improve my mood. After we had talked quite a bit, we were able to sit and relax and reconnect. I made myself a cup of tea and we had this exchange:

“What type of tea did you make?”

“Regular black tea.”

“No, no, I know that but you usually make something good, you’re a bit of a connoisseur of teas.”

“Oh I made PG Tips. I’d say it’s the best bagged tea I can get.”

“PG what?”

“PG Tips. It’s big in England.”

“Oh an Anglo thing, of course. I should have known with you.”

“Well the English know quite a bit about making tea. What do Americans know? We threw it in the bay. That’s not how you make a pot of tea!”

We thought it was funny at the time. I hope it translates here.

Relaxation and cuddling led to porn watching and sex. I rode his cock for a while until he decided to spank my ass – hard. In the fragile mental state I was in today I couldn’t process the pain. He smacked me a few times and I burst into tears. Yup, even wonderful MasterDoc miscalculates sometimes. We stopped, cuddled and he acknowledged that probably just now I need support and love rather than pain.

MasterDoc knew that orgasms would improve my mood even if a beating wasn’t quite right. He teased me with the magic wand until I was rolling my hips trying to keep the vibration directly on my clit. I started to moan and he added the archer wand (glass dildo) and fucked me with it. He had me take over using the Hitachi on myself, and he proceeded to fuck me with the glass toy. When he told me to come, I had incredible rolling orgasms. I squirted massively, multiple times. The archer wand is curved just right to hit my g-spot so I suppose the rain shower that issued forth from me wasn’t a big surprise. Thankfully I had put the throe on the bed or the mattress would have been soaked. When he cuddled me after, I put down a towel on the puddle and pretty much immediately the towel was soaked through.

This was pretty appropriate considering the porn I had selected was “lesbian bukkake.” Yes, women squirting all over each other. It’s kinda hot.

I truly am blessed with multiple orgasms. I had just kept coming over and over again. I was entirely unaware of anything other than my orgasms. I did feel better after (how could I not!?), and I cuddled MasterDoc tight. I love being in his arms. I would have been totally miserable if I had stormed out earlier in the afternoon.

Next, I played with his ass to help him come. We watched more porn (and I had to resist making commentary on it… the theme was two best friends get it on and have a male escort join them. Yes, women fuck their best friends all the time. I’m sure men do that too. What, you don’t? Oh that’s right, we don’t either.) and I massaged his ass. I think I keep getting better with practice and have learned to take my time, massage his thighs and then his ass, then very slowly work lubed hands into the area by his asshole. Stroke and press against there for a while and then when he asks I slide a finger in. I followed his direction when he told me to press forward or massage inside his ass. It really is satisfying to help him reach a fantastic orgasm. Watching someone shudder and pant a little with pleasure as they come, and knowing you helped, is a great feeling.

He offered to make me come again, and I was really happy. I hadn’t expected more. (The orgasms earlier were phenomenal. Really, what more could a woman want?) I lay the throe back down and put a towel over it. It was the towel he had just jerked off onto. When I lay down I got a cold wet feeling on my arm all of a sudden. Yup, his come this time, not mine. He just used his fingers to bring me to orgasm the second time around. And again, I came over and over. The man doesn’t need toys. He has talent. And again I felt overwhelmed with happiness that I hadn’t stupidly walked out. I cuddled up to him and didn’t want to move. The depression from earlier was replaced with a bit of chagrin over how irrationally I had been thinking earlier. MasterDoc has vowed to pay closer attention to my mental state and not let me get to the crazy part of things. When I’m rational, I can see that he’s been the best person ever to watch my moods and help me get depression under control.

Sex in Christ

Published on October 14, 2007 in christians, humor and sex. 0 Comments

I’ve never laughed so hard as I did while reading this site: Sex in Christ. Consider, if you will, this snippet from the page on “Fisting and God’s Will:”

On a symbolic and sexual level, a wife who is fisted by her husband has the experience of surrendering completely to the divine love and power of the Lord, as embodied by her partner’s hand.

And:

Before attempting fisting, a Christian husband and wife should pray together and ask for divine guidance. The husband should ask that God guide his hand and work through him, and for the skill and patience to fist his wife correctly and maximize her pleasure. The wife should pray for openness and readiness to receive God’s love and grace in the form of her husband’s hand.

Yup, someone out there has figured out how to justify his kinky desires with the bible. I say “his” because it’s pretty clear the writer is a heterosexual male. Take a look at the pages on BDSM and threesomes. Hey, two chicks getting it on isn’t prohibited in the bible apparently, but two dudes? No way man! And should a woman submit to her husband? Hell yeah. And a man can submit to his wife only if they resume “natural” roles once outside the bedroom.

Godless heathen that I am, I don’t worry about such things. But it’s good to know that Christians can enjoy some fun with their God’s consent. Perhaps funniest is the page with reader questions and answers. Who knew that Christ gave women instruction in giving blow jobs to their husbands?