I have expressed to him that foreplay doesn’t have to be physical sexual stuff – I can get really hot from him grabbing me by the hair and talking dirty to me, calling me a piece of meat, telling me he owns me. He tends to be a bit lazy, so letting him know that my foreplay needn’t take a lot of physical effort has been a good thing.

We fucked a few times and the under-the-bed restraints we put on the bed never got used. I wasn’t disappointed though. I got well fucked. He had me start massaging his inner thighs after a couple of rounds of sex. I was going to help him come when he decided to have me get on top to ride him. Another fuck! Huzzah!

He said he was thirsty and I joked that he could slurp up the puddle of come I left on the throe. This backfired as he decided to put MY face there. I hesitated, but he kept telling me to get over there. He pushed my head down a little and called me a good puppy. Most of the moisture had been absorbed or evaporated by that time, but my face ended up in a delightfully musky patch of the throe. I found it totally erotic for him to make me do this essentially against my will. To an outsider it might have seemed like I didn’t want it, didn’t like it, but then while grabbing my hair as my face pressed against the damp spot he told me I could come. Fuck. I came right away. My body always gives away when I’m finding something freaky arousing. Usually it’s little involuntary twitches. Sometimes it’s orgasm on command.

On Saturday I went to an all women bdsm party with Blondie. There were just 8 guests ultimately, but it proved to be a nice size. We met in the well-appointed loft of a professional dominatrix. This isn’t her residence but where she works. She has a large collection of expensive, nice bdsm toys. Body bags, a cage, many floggers, a suspension rig.

The party started with kink ice breakers – the hostess had asked us all to put questions in a jar relating to bdsm. As a group (of only 5 at this time) we discussed kink, thoughts on it, our experiences, and interests. Fire play was mentioned and I have been wanting to try it. What luck! Blondie brought her gear for it. I also wanted to receive some rope bondage as it’s something I have little experience with. (MasterDoc is admittedly rope challenged, but Blondie has gone to workshops presented by the likes of Midori.)

Blondie had me lay down on the padded top of the cage – it had eye bolts on top the you could attach cuffs to. We borrowed cuffs from the dominatrix and Blondie secured me to the top of the cage. She started with some fire cupping, which I’ve experienced both as a treatment in acupuncture and as play. She moved on to leaving the torches lit and tapping them on my body. She would also draw lines (and squiggles) in rubbing alcohol on my skin and let it catch fire and burn out. Mostly it burned out quickly – as alcohol tends to do. This felt neat but the bits where it kept burning just a little too long hurt like a motherfucker and I’d cry out. (She’d then snuff the spot that kept burning.) I ended up with a very superficial burn on my stomach that cleared up in a couple of days. My stomach area was more sensitive than others. I particularly enjoyed watching fire go up my arm on a streak of alcohol. She undid my wrist cuffs and let me sit up so I could see the fire play in the mirror. This came in handy as she was going over my upper torso and I could look straight ahead to see the flames instead of down into them.

That was fun, but Blondie had more ideas. Next she put a rope harness on me and then tied me to a chair with my hands cuffed behind. She tormented me – especially my poor nipples and inner thighs. I still have some bruising on my thighs. She placed a couple of raspberries in my mouth saying, “You’re allowed to taste all you want, but you can’t bite or swallow. I want to see those raspberries when I ask for them.” I never realized just how much saliva breaks things down. I helplessly sat there as the raspberries dissolved in my mouth.

I should take a moment to describe Blondie that afternoon – she was in heels, lacy panties, a waist cincher and a sexy open bra that had fringe running over the tops of her breasts. She looked fantastic. Her legs and ass in particular are just perfect.

While I sat there, I had some time to watch one of the women being laced up into a body bag. There was a lot of humor and teasing as she tried hopping around and ended up falling to the floor. (Thankfully her head missed the suspension rigging by a few inches!) Blondie teased the woman in the body bag, a friend of hers. I sat there with my dissolving raspberries.

Blondie moved me around the room as needed by sliding the chair around. I was definitely helpless. She started cracking her bullwhip behind my head – it was more psychological than anything else as I heard it close to me. I did get a tap once or twice with the whip but nothing worse than a sting to my upper arm.

After the raspberries had completely dissolved she shoved a large strawberry in my mouth as a gag. It made me salivate a lot and even drip a little saliva on me. I had to bite into it gently to hold it in place, especially as it slowly dissolved. She used my panties used as makeshift blindfold. She played with food some more – making me hold multiple blueberries between my teeth. After that, she put told me to stick my tongue out and placed a chocolate piece on it. I was to hold it there. She hit my thighs some more and I cried out “ow!” while my tongue was still out. She did some hair grabbing. Some hard sucking and nibbles on nipples. Some lovely, deep, tongue kisses. She played with my siri vibe in the rope harness. (But as I often find in situations like that, the damn thing wouldn’t stay in quite the right place to get me worked up.)

Yup that's me, helplessly molested by Blondie.

She eventually untied me (I was so ready!) and took me to a mat on the floor. She teased my pussy, then made out with me for a while. (Mmm mingling tongues.) Then straddled me, her ass in my face and pinning my arms with her legs. She used  my clit vibe and her fingers to make me come. I think it was the only audible orgasm that day, sadly.

We chatted with the others for a while and slowly the party broke up. We were going to grab dinner together but she was already late getting back to her place to reorganize and then go out with another submissive female playmate of hers – this one visiting from across the country.

I took the subway home, with wonderful memories to ponder.

And bruises to show for it…

Setting the Weekend Afire originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on June 8, 2011.

MasterDoc did massage my back (isn’t he a nice Dom?) and cuddle a little, but PMDD was setting in and I felt abandoned when, my eyes closed while resting, he left me alone in the bedroom. The madness that can come with a particularly bad bout of PMDD was strong, and I started thinking… no, I started being convinced that MasterDoc was bored with me and/or no longer attracted to me. This resulted in a heavy depression on Saturday. I took a trip downtown to get my hair cut and found myself not having any impetus afterward to do anything but wander around in the rain until I could catch the next express bus. I tried to perk up in time for the party. MasterDoc was concerned about taking me out because of the depression, and unfortunately that proved founded.

All night, somehow our wires crossed and things ended up badly. I just kept longing for him to hug me, to cuddle me, to touch me and tell me everything was all right. I wanted him to play with me since it had been a little while and reestablishing that connection would feel so good to my depressed, insecure brain. On his end, he says that I put up walls and made it impossible to connect with me. I felt like he wasn’t really trying. Oy. We did connect for just long enough for him to make me come, and squirt a little, but when he became engrossed with watching another D/s couple play, I felt ignored and threatened because the other woman had a much hotter body than me. Meanwhile MasterDoc was enjoying watching the connection of the other couple because they seemed to have the sort of unspoken connection he and I so often have.

Please allow me to say, I don’t like myself when I’m depressed. I don’t like being depressed. With many people, I can hold off on getting downright hysterical, but I think because I trust MasterDoc so much I often suddenly direct any sadness and rage at him. I hate when I do this. At the time, the idea of being no longer attractive or interesting felt entirely real to me. I’m sure anyone reading this can see that it was just the PMDD.

The following morning was tearful. But thankfully I was ultimately able to realize that he wasn’t shunning me the night before (even if that’s how I felt) and I was probably putting up walls (even if I didn’t think I was) and that we love each other very much. My intense feelings of anger and sadness came out of worrying that he didn’t want me anymore.  As ridiculous as that sounds it was insanely intense.

The depression lasted the rest of the weekend, but I was able to reconnect with MasterDoc. Having him cuddle me soothed my crazy brain. He took me into the bedroom and employed playing techniques that I had been clamoring for. Like the couple we saw the prior evening, he cuffed my hands behind my back, and he used a strip of duct tape to gag me. I lay over the Liberator Axis and he gave me a good caning. My pain tolerance was lousy and I wished I could move out of the way – but with my hands behind me I couldn’t push myself up. I couldn’t even wiggle out of the way. I had to trust that he would judge the right amount of pain to induce an endorphin rush. While the caning hurt like the dickens, I think it had the right effect on my brain chemistry.

He told me to get up on hands and knees, and I mumbled through the gag that I couldn’t get on my hands with them behind my back. I was still gagged, and struggling to breathe slowly through the one clear nostril I had. (You see, if you breathe in too sharply your nasal passage narrows.) He slipped a condom on and fucked me with my arms secured behind my back. It was so worth waiting for. He fucked me long and hard. I know that phrase is totally overused but it’s the best description. He kept pounding me until I couldn’t hold back and I came. It was a magnificent orgasm, but I felt like I was suffocating and that abruptly stopped my body and compelled me to manage to move my arms around to the side just enough to rip off the duct tape. MasterDoc joked that he’s a doctor and wouldn’t let anything happen to me. If I passed out he’d be there. I know breath play can be hot but it often just makes me anxious. He understood that the anxiety was too much. He fucked me again, with my wrists released and the tape off, and that time I had every possible orgasm wrung from my body.

My depression was lifted for the entire time I was fucking and coming. Hey, how could I feel depressed mid-orgasm? (Although if it’s possible I’m sure I can do it.) After cuddles to further soothe my savage soul he had me get on top. We tried doing it with my cuffs linked but I couldn’t lean forward onto my hands and as a result my hips and thighs got such a workout that I was promptly exhausted. MasterDoc put me on the bottom, and he fucked me silly again. I’ve always loved sex with MasterDoc, but holy fuck now that he gets testosterone supplements and he’s lost some weight he can fuck harder and longer. It’s wonderfully bewildering to have a Dom in his mid-50′s fuck better than guys half his age.

I felt better having reconnected and gotten fucked. My hormones still raged and I found myself feeling teary, but thankfully I was no longer aiming my mad and sad feelings at MasterDoc. (He should be made the first Jewish saint for dealing with my anger when I’m depressed. It hurts him, even if he knows it’s just the chemical imbalance talking.) Feeling his skin pressed against me is soothing. While he can’t magically cure my PMDD, he has the capacity to make it better, even if only for a little while.

Heh. Saint MasterDoc, patron saint of wayward women. (By the way, I managed to leave out of the flow of the story that I blew him for a while, and then later in the evening I helped him come with prostate massage. So my Sir did get direct appreciation shown for him putting up with me.)

MasterDoc, the Cure for What Ails Me originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on April 25, 2011.

Continuing in the humiliation play vein, MasterDoc told me to get my collar. He asked if I could crawl to the closet near the front door to look for the duct tape so he could gag me. I mentioned that I fit the athletic knee pads he has better now, and with them on I could handle it. Once my collar and the knee pads were on, he instructed me to crawl to DeeDee’s room first and say hello. Then I could crawl to the closet to look for duct tape. I hid my face in my hands in embarrassment and told him I couldn’t do that.

“Oh please Sir, please don’t make me do that!”

He did.

I crawled across the wood floor to DeeDee’s room and knocked from my spot on all fours. I ducked my head in when she said hello, and while embarrassed I knew she would understand. I chatted briefly with her and explained what I was doing on all fours. She said, “Sounds like you’re in for quite an evening! Enjoy!”

I crawled away and down the long hallway. I couldn’t find the duct tape with the other tools and such. I had to crawl back and let MasterDoc know. He didn’t mind and I pointed out that we had gags and bondage tape. He liked the bondage tape idea. Before he’d let me get up from the floor, he had me bark like a dog a bit. I find that while silly and embarrassing, I can do the barking without too much self-consciousness. (In private. I think in public it would be significantly more difficult.)

He had me get on all fours on the bed for the beating I was so in need of. He caned me, hard. But still, he made me come from the caning alone. Sometimes I surprise even myself with how this little masochist can manage to turn pain into pleasure.

He fucked me from behind but unfortunately as I ended up pressed forward over the axis shape the angle ended up wrong. It felt like his cock was pushing against my intestines and uterus. I couldn’t come when he gave the command – something that rarely happens, but as we’re only human it does happen sometimes.

MasterDoc decided to rectify the situation by putting bondage tape around my head, covering my mouth. Gags make me so hot. I definitely find helplessness hot. He used his hand and made me come hard. When he slaps my cunt I come. I loved feeling like his slut. I hadn’t worried when I didn’t manage to come earlier, I knew he could ensure I came. I’m so glad to have a Dom who’s not into orgasm denial. My masochism does NOT extend into going without orgasm for a long time.

The title of this post comes from when we were cuddling after. He said, “Thank you for being with me.” He’s wonderful about saying things like that. I’m not always good at hearing them. I heard him this time and replied, “Thank you for having me, Sir.”

“Thank you for being with me.” “Thank you for having me, Sir.” originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on February 21, 2011.

He used duct tape for a gag, something that really turns me on. I could just make muffled moaning noises through the gag. I knelt on the bed, ass in the air, Axis under me for support. My nose was a little stuffy so I focused a lot on how my breathing was doing. I did fine but when gasping over pain or holding my breath, as I often to when coming, I was concerned.

He startled me by starting off with wax. I didn’t hear him light the candle, but I sure felt the hot wax hit my ass. He followed up with some on my upper back, and once again on my ass. He used the vampire gloves to scratch my body. Again the feeling was unlike any other.

He still has the leather flogger with studs at the end of each strand. I keep hoping he gets it back to the Dom who owns it. *sigh* He beat me but good with that flogger that night. It delivers the type of pain that I find hard to handle. I would start pulling away from it, climbing higher on the bed. He told me to keep still and I knew I should do my best to obey.

Something that hadn’t struck me when he mentioned being in the mood to give a beating was that he was in a particularly sadistic mood.

He pushed my limits quite a bit that night. Sometimes accidentally, like when he’d grab an ass cheek to spread them and forget he was wearing the vampire glove on one hand. He took a cane to me and it hurt a great deal as well. The funny thing is, with anyone else I’d feel abused. With him I feel like it’s a challenge I want to meet. It hurts, but I know that after I will feel delightfully calm. I want to see how much I can take. (Who says subs are weak?)

It wasn’t until later that I discovered he used the largest cane on me because it was the only one in the room at the time. He held back with it since he knew the thick, heavy cane would hurt much more than the others. But again I found myself impotently screaming underneath my gag as he pushed my limits some more.

This beating went on for a long time. He would let up slightly which would give me a moment to catch my breath and register that I was ok. But shortly after he would pick up the studded flogger again.

He gave me a little time with his large, heavy buffalo flogger. After the acute pain of the other one, the large thud of the heavy flogger feels delightful. He flogged my ass with it, throwing the flogger heavily (later he complained that the big flogger uses so much effort, unlike the little one). He followed with flogging my upper back a little.

After what seemed like an eternity, he switched on the Hitachi and pressed it to my cunt. I could have come in no time flat if he wanted to make me. I held back but it was a huge struggle not to come at times. He would toss in some small flogger hits or a slap of his vampire gloved hand. I moaned like a desperate animal in heat. After a while, I could feel my cunt release a bunch of squirt and the vibe took on a splashy sound. He pushed me to orgasm for a good long time until it was apparent that my body couldn’t keep doing it. He told me I could fall forward.

I was speechless, and happy. I motioned the question of, “Could I remove the gag,” and he said yes. As he lay down on the bed next to me I pulled my dazed self closer to him. A cuddle in the aftermath of a limit pushing scene is vital.

He commented on a little blood coming out on the skin of my ass. We debated if the stripes on one cheek were cane stripes or vampire glove scratches. I’m not sure what it was but those marks are still on my ass. Scratches, I’m thinking? I actually bruised a little, something that seems nearly impossible to do to me lately. MasterDoc will be happy.

I’m happy.

Heavy Beating originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on January 29, 2011.

Certainly, in some ways he is lucky. But when I’ve slipped into depression and not realized that’s what it is, I can be horrible. The other day I just kept complaining and complaining. If my words were to be believed, MasterDoc can’t do anything right. Thankfully, part way through the day I realized MasterDoc was NOT the issue at all – depression was. Still, it was a hard day for him, but bless his heart he was patient with me the whole time, refusing to give up on me even though I could only see life through a negative lens.

I spent a lot of time alone the rest of the day, in one of his bedrooms. He would check on me periodically and DeeDee even popped in to bring me some tapioca pudding. It was a rough day for me because it was one of those rare times when I don’t just feel depressed, I feel crazy. I don’t want to get into personal details, but rest assured I was nuts and feeling miserable. I wanted to hide until I felt sane again.

Thankfully MasterDoc’s patience helped and eventually I started to feel better. That evening he gave me some delicious orgasms and feeling good physically helped me along mentally. The cuddles and his listening to me unburden the crazy thoughts in my head helped even more.

I’ve been feeling potentially unstable since then, but ultimately keeping my shit together. I had a nice weekend with MasterDoc and DeeDee, and Sunday afternoon MasterDoc and I got some time alone when I wasn’t feeling crazy. He had me blow him while he spoke on the phone, and I enjoyed having his cock in my mouth since I hadn’t had it often lately.

A bit later, he had me lay on my stomach on the bed. I lay over a pillow so my back wouldn’t bother me and the throe was between me and the pillow. He bound me down to bed using the under bed restraints.  I’ve sometimes complained that I don’t get enough bondage, and the little bondage fetishist in me was doing a happy dance. He pulled the restraints snug and there was no way I could get out.

He put on my collar, a blindfold, and finally a gag. I have issues with gags that go inside the mouth and unfortunately he chose one. I did my best to remember what he taught me – breathe slowly through the nose. If you breathe too quickly your nostrils pull in and you don’t get enough air. This soon wasn’t enough, however, between a stuffy nose, the blindfold pressing on the bridge of my nose and finally trying to cope with the pain of a caning. It’s impossible to focus your breathing and breathe slowly when crying out in pain.

He didn’t go immediately to the cane, but surprised me by grabbing my ass with one of the vampire gloves I got him for his birthday last year. He swatted my ass with it, ran it up my back. It was a sensation a step away from tickling and a step away from pain. I liked it. He started caning me, and immediately before he checked to make sure I could beg for mercy through the gag. As soon as he asked that, I knew I was in for quite a ride.

He kept caning me past my usual limits. It hurt a lot, but I was able to deal with it because I knew it would end. I knew I would have a lovely sense of calm after it stopped. He would alternate with the vampire glove and every touch was a surprise. Every strike a bit of a shock.

After my ass was well reddened, he grabbed the Hitachi and placed it between my legs. He spanked a bit, I moaned and tried to get my clit in better contact with the vibe. This went on alternating and I could have come quite easily from the vibe but chose to hold off. He took the vibe away and spanked my pussy for a while. Even this was enough to put me near the edge. I finally got out, “May I please come, Sir?” (I had pushed the gag out of my mouth by this point so I could breathe.) He held off a second or two, then let me come. He pushed the Hitachi to my cunt and I kept coming harder and harder.

When he was finished I lay there, still face down, my arms and legs still bound to the bed. It was bliss. I had to ask him to release me a few minutes later because my arms were starting to hurt, secured above my head like they were. He undid my arms and ankles, and I got to cuddle close to him. I love cuddles with him. They feel amazing. Being in his arms was the best therapy I could have. I started this entry talking about how others think he’s lucky to have me, but I know that I’m lucky to have such a wonderful Dom to love and take care of me.

Lucky originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on January 24, 2011.

As I sat on the sofa, every so often he would tell me to wiggle my butt. He’d ask if I could feel the plug in there, and I pretty much never forgot about it. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was very noticeable. I was allowed to take it out at bedtime.

The next day, we had the whole day alone. He had to go out for some errands, but in the afternoon we got freaky.

My back was bothering me, so he kindly gave me a massage. His strong hands kneaded the muscles in my lower back. I felt much better after. Back massages from him can feel like bdsm since he massages very hard. It loosens up the muscles, but it hurts while he’s doing it.

He had me get up on hands and knees and he gave me a caning. It was actually harder than usual, yet still amazing. I was surprised at how much I could enjoy the sting. I’m kinda curious now if I could take the thickest cane at all. I doubt I could stand it for long, but we’ve never tried it. He used the two thinner canes on me and I was pleased that he pushed me a bit by repetitive thwacks on my ass. I’d love to try that while my mouth is sealed with duct tape and my hands secured together.

In between, we cuddle and chat. He reminded me that I’m “stuck with him.” While this sounds like a negative sort of statement, I find it very comforting when I’m insecure. He promises he’s not going anywhere. I often get afraid that new pussy will lure him away. I worry that I’ve gotten boring by being familiar. After reassurance, he made me come over and over with his hands. When I’m hungry for reassurance, having him touch me feels like an orgasm in itself. I don’t want this to sound like I can live without orgasms – I can’t – but there are even times lately when I feel so amazing from being touched that I feel a certain satisfaction from that alone. I’ve reached a point where I can just enjoy feeling good without focusing quite so much on the end result – coming.

I felt cold, and he climbed on top of me. His body warmed me up as it enveloped mine. He called me a very receptive piece of meat as I shivered from his touch. In the submissive mood I’ve been in lately, I love hearing stuff like that! He also called me a nasty slut. Yes, Sir! I want to be called all manner of dirty things as he shoves his cock down my throat and slaps my face.

I truly love sucking his cock. I love knowing the things that work for him and making him feel good. I’ve become a total cock choking slut. The other day he really held my head down on his cock. I could feel my throat start to work to try to eject his cock. A gag and gurgle came from my mouth. When he let me up, I gasped, “Oh my god that’s hot!” It rendered plenty of saliva for me to give him a well lubricated blow job.

He fucked me from behind until I was so wound up. He pushes me to the edge then varies what he’s doing to keep me rarin’ to go without setting me off. I tried mentally to lay off orgasming, but then I got turned on again thinking about he could do this (tease me) as long as wanted. Ah, the power! He totally drove me insane then let me come (after several minutes of good, hard fucking).

I came hard on his cock for a while, squirting on the throe.

A little later, we had more fucking with me on top. I totally went crazy for his cock, riding it as hard as I could. (Getting in better shape has its perks!) I got so desperate to come that I actually slipped and begged, but he let me come this time.

Since I’ve been begging for him to come on my face lately, he decided that I had been a good girl and he came on my face that evening. I could feel my cheek become glazed with his come, and he rubbed his cock head against it. I waited until we were clearly done to go clean the come off my face. I used a wet washcloth and thought I had gotten it all, until I put my glasses on and found a huge glob near my ear. Ha ha. A little more wiping and it was cleaned up.

Happy to Be Stuck with You originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on January 9, 2011.

Scene 2: Struggling with him, fighting him off. Him calling me a whore and other degrading things. Him slapping me around. Him spanking me even when I start getting desperate for him to stop. He could just gag me with duct tape and go to town on my ass with the cane. I could lay over the axis for the beating, and then be in just the right position for a fucking.

Scene 3: He fucks my mouth as I hang my head off the end of the bed. He gags me repeatedly on his cock. At the end, he comes all over my face.

Scene 4: He blindfolds me and lets all sorts of people at the swing club play with me and fuck me. I don’t get to know who fucked me.

Scene 5: I’m intoxicated to the edge of sleep and then fucked repeatedly by a group of men, all orchestrated by MasterDoc. This would be videotaped so I could fully enjoy after.

Scene 6: I  have to do my best to move around and do things like suck his cock while my arms are restrained behind my back.

Scene 7: I become his slave for a few hours. I have to sit at his feet. I have to be always respectful or I get the cane. He would use me as he likes sexually. He can make me sit in the corner or tie me to something at a whim. I’d have to get his permission to use the toilet. He would make me wait until I was desperate and begging for it, and then he’d bring me (by leash perhaps?) into the bathroom, where he’d let me pee in the tub through my panties.

Scene 8: I ‘m bound at a party at his place (possibly just hands behind back or perhaps some ankle restraint as well so I have to shuffle along as I walk) and the guests get to play with my naked body as it pleases them. My hands are released for dinner but I have to eat mine out of a bowl on the floor, seated next to his chair, while the guests eat at the table. He later makes me masturbate to orgasm in front of the crowd. With a little luck, I squirt when I come.

Fantasy Vignettes originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on January 4, 2011.

I think the pouting worked in some way for me growing up, otherwise why do I default to it so often? It’s immature and pretty counterproductive. (Especially with MasterDoc, he likes things to be calm and me having a childish fit doesn’t help that.) He spoke with me that day and while I cried over some things that bother me, I ultimately left his place feeling happy. I had plans to see him for definite on Sunday afternoon, and Monday evening AND Tuesday evening. He was right when he pointed out, “What’s one evening’s delay?” Nothing really.

When I saw him Sunday I got a lecture about my behavior and while I agree that I was certainly being a brat, I don’t think all my displeasure was unfounded. But I’ll leave those details between myself and my Dom. He tossed out the theory that since I was an only child (for nearly 11 years), and developed that sense of entitlement many only children develop, that having it taken away so abruptly (at the dawn of puberty no less) has left me feeling the need to count every minute, every task I do, etc. and demand as much time and as much recognition for my work as possible. It’s pretty obnoxious when I think about it. But there was always this, “Hey that’s not fair!” thing going on with my brother and me. Becoming a sister was a far rougher transition than I had thought it would be. But what did I know at 10 years old? I resented my poor brother for many years, and only as we’ve both become adults have I taken the time to apologize.

I really can be a dysfunctional shit sometimes. I’m lucky my friends love me despite my flaws.

So it’s time for me  to refocus on my attitude and my service. This is something I’ve decided in light of my recent behavior. I will try to not mentally keep tabs on all tasks I do versus what DeeDee does. I will try to be more gracious when plans change. I will try to be a better submissive.

After our discussion, there was much pleasurable cock sucking and choking. I enthusiastically blew him for as long as possible. When we lay close to each other, he made me come on command a few times. When he brought up the idea of piss play, he really hit the nail on the head when he pressed me to admit I want him to piss on me. I couldn’t deny it, although I really wanted to. The humiliation that came with it was hot, however.

He didn’t piss on me that day, but I did ride his cock for a good long time. It was quite a full-body exercise! It seemed like he drew out the teasing phase before each orgasm, and I just loved it. While I am desperate for release, I’m also enjoying how it feels to be brought to the edge of orgasm. Stimulation feels good!

Monday and Tuesday evenings were spent with MasterDoc as well. There was some really hot sex Monday night and MasterDoc talked me through being able to handle a ball gag without gagging. The trick is to breathe slowly through the nose. If you breathe too quickly it narrows the nasal passages and you get less air. I also found that having my head tilting down or to the side helped too – the saliva didn’t pool at the back of my throat so much as dribble out, so I didn’t feel like I was drowning in spit. The gag is pretty loose and at one point while tantalizing me, MasterDoc pulled on it. It fit snugly in between my lips and the very act of him doing that made me so hot as my head was pulled back. (I’m twitching right now in remembrance.) There was more marvelous fucking – this time with him on top.

I am a damn lucky bitch.

Tuesday was quieter, but he made me come like crazy after I warmed myself up with masturbation. I think there was also quite a bit of caning. After two consecutive days of great sex, I was feeling pretty content and doing less on Tuesday wasn’t a big deal.

I’m sure I’m leaving stuff out or have changed the evenings when a particular activity occured. This is what comes of not having as much time to write lately. I get to see MasterDoc tomorrow and after just a day away from him I’m ready for nooky again.

Brat originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on November 25, 2010.

Her Master arrived first, he and MasterDoc talked a bit about what they were planning to do (as they had done online earlier). With two diabolical minds at work I was nervous, but I needn’t be. MasterDoc would take care of me.

MasterDoc thought of the behind the back restraints I’m so hot for using, so I went to get them from the play room. However, this train of thought was distracted by amber calling up needing direction assistance. Later, when she had arrived, I had to remind MasterDoc that we were going to use them. Being bound and somewhat helpless turns me on tremendously. We don’t do enough bondage. My earliest bsdm fantasies consisted of being kidnapped, tied up, gagged and played with. Make me come when I’m helpless and I turn to mush.

MasterDoc made me come by touching me and commanding. Our guests were pretty impressed by how easily he could make me come. I have found, however, that if I’m not worked up mentally beforehand, while I still orgasm (uterus contracts and all) it’s not nearly as satisfying as an orgasm with more foreplay to it. Even if that foreplay is just mental.

Of course being a couple of days late writing this I’m bound to leave something out. Speaking of bound – amber’s Master likes to play with rope (one of MasterDoc’s few weaknesses). I was told to get on all fours and he bound my tits. Then he had me kneel up and he extended the tie into a crotch rope. Initially I wasn’t into it, but after I lay down on the mat in the living room and the dental gag was put in my mouth, and the Wartenburg wheel run over my body, I started to change my mind. The wheel tickles much of the time – I had to try to explain this with my mouth held wide open. With more pressure it “hurts better” as MasterDoc put it. Indeed. It felt good on my sensitive bound breasts.

After that, there was talk of hot wax. I was surprised that I was the intended victim, but of course amber was told to lay beside me (cheap shower curtains are great for easy clean up!) and both of us had hot wax poured over our fronts. I was yelping quite a bit, and wondered if I was a wimp. But thankfully MasterDoc suspected that their candle was much cooler – and so the two Doms switched candles. Totally different using their candle.  No more yelps from me but plenty from amber. The two of us were waxed on front and back. We scraped off as much as possible before leaving the shower curtain, and towards the end MasterDoc realized that this textured rubber glove he has is just perfect for wiping the wax off (and providing some sensation play at the same time.)

The next scene required wrist and ankle cuffs. I was overjoyed to use mine. I bought them long before I met MasterDoc and we haven’t gotten to use them much. The other Master bound amber and I to each other. I’m taller so my arms were wrapped around her upper back. He also attached our ankles together. Next, we were wrapped in plastic cling wrap. I was concerned about this beforehand because I had a boyfriend wrap me once before and I panicked when I couldn’t breathe. This time, however, it was totally cool. They men ordered us to make out with each other while bound together. Being pressed up against a woman and kissing her with my Dom watching is pretty damn hot.

The day became physically wearing as the two Doms had loads of ideas of things to try with two subs/slaves present. amber’s Master brought a brand new double-ended dildo. I had used one before and found it lacking, but of course I could give it a try again. (I have yet to find a silicone double ended dildo – use condoms with the ones out there as they’re usually made of a porous material, not to mention they have nasty pthalates in them.) We were positioned on our hands and knees on the mat, our asses pointing at each other. I felt the dildo slide in and it wasn’t unpleasant, but it wasn’t thrilling either. MasterDoc gave me a vibe to use on my clit. amber’s Master ordered me to move on it, but it’s pretty hard to get any thrust from such a flexible dildo. MasterDoc stepped in and moved it back and forth so both of us were getting fucked alternately. This enabled me to come. And with the vibe on my clit I came pretty damn hard. I think having someone move the dildo is the secret.

I was exhausted. Holding yourself on hands and knees or kneeling for extended periods of time takes energy. I lay spent on the mat while MasterDoc started showing the Gigi to amber. I gushed about Lelo toys and explained how it’s stronger than battery-operated vibes because it’s a rechargeable. MasterDoc toyed with her clit while her Master kissed her. I joined in first by sucking on her nipple, and later by by wetting my finger and stroking her clit. I played with her clit while MasterDoc fucked her with the Gigi.

Our guests left after this, and it was a fun afternoon albeit a joking one. But hey, I like people with senses of humor. It just might have been more sexually stimulating with less joking. Oh well, there’s always next time.

MasterDoc and I had dinner and rested for a while. I still wanted his cock inside me though. (This was during the 4 days a month my birth control takes a rest, so I was feeling lots of menstrual symptoms such as rampant horniness.) My back ached and MasterDoc was kind enough to massage it for a bit. (Not only do I massage him, he will do the same for me. And as a doctor he puts his knowledge of anatomy to good use there as well.) For fucking, he put me over the Liberator axis which was just perfect because I could rest my full weight. It had the effect of making me feel a bit like an object, and lately I’ve been into that

My incredible horniness still wasn’t sated after our fuck. I figured MasterDoc would have no problem with me using one of my weekly masturbation sessions, and so I grabbed the Hitachi and went to town. MasterDoc came in to join me just in time to see me to come and lend a hand a little. I was happy after, and boy did I sleep well that night.

Kinky Foursome originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on September 23, 2010.

My muscles are sore today. Masterdoc and Lana, the lady who joined us all recently for “Using the Slave,”  took turns using me last night. Of course I am a very happy girl today!

I was instructed that I had to crawl on the large mat in the living room – no walking except when I’m off the mat. He had me crawl over to him on the sofa and he put my ball gag in my mouth. (MasterDoc has been making a concerted effort to branch out and use some of the toys I keep hoping he’ll use.) The mat was set up with condoms, lube, a few toys and my strap-on.

I lay on the mat gagged as both touched me. With the gentle strokes over my body I would twitch. MasterDoc has trained my reactions so that I’m hyper sensitive – every nerve ending has become an erogenous zone. Lana is adept at touching gently but not too gently. I got the sense that my body was getting a workout simply from the muscle twitches that came from arousal. MasterDoc told me I could come at will for the duration of Lana’s visit. They took turns sucking on my nipples. Shortly after, Lana made me come by playing with my clit while he grabbed my hair. It’s so very easy to make me come sometimes.

MasterDoc removed the ball gag and let me have a drink of water. He had me get on hands and knees so he could fuck me. He fucked me silly while she grabbed my hair firmly and pulled my head back a little. The hair pulling intensified the fuck, although he was also pounding me exceptionally hard. I squirted as I came, and came, and fell to the mat after, short of breath.

MasterDoc sat in a chair and had me suck his cock while she fucked me with my strap-on. Unfortunately the angle was all wrong for the silicone cock to enter me. They put me on floor and he watched while she fucked me. The dildo kept sliding out of my clenching pussy, so she gave up after a while and used her fingers. MasterDoc took over fucking me and talked dirty about me being used by a bunch of guys, one after the other, some day. I was totally out of control with coming by that point. I went feral:  grunting, screaming and panting. Orgasming becomes a control thing with MasterDoc and he can wring the orgasms out of my body like crazy. If he wants to make me come it’s pretty definite that I will come. Lana did a pretty damn good job making me come as well – she held my Gigi to my clit while he fucked me.

We relaxed, enjoyed some dessert and MasterDoc had to get ready for bed because he had work early the next morning. I joined Lana on the mat and she started stroking my body again and watching me twitch. She seemed to take great pleasure out of the way I’d convulse from her touch. She made me come more with her hands and then she went down on me. She was very, very skilled at it. (I thought to myself that this is why I prefer bi women over bicurious – they know what to do! I realize this isn’t a hard and fast rule, but having experience counts for a lot.) Lana made me come like crazy licking my clit, sucking it and using her arms to rock my hips a little while she did so. I had to ask her to stop finally because I was so tired. I have no idea how many times I came that night. I stroked her back and shoulders for a bit, making her feel good for a change. I really was spoiled that night, however, although MasterDoc had given Lana a sybian ride before I got home from work.

When we stopped, I needed to help MasterDoc with some things. I felt totally worn out and went to bed after getting him settled. Of course, I thanked our guest heartily before going to bed.

Lucky Slut originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on August 23, 2010.