Archive for the 'flogging' Category

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Where oh where has my writing mojo gone?

Published on October 22, 2010 in anal, bdsm, bondage, caning, cunt, D/s, flogging, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, prostate massage, restraints, sadism, spanking and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

I’m having a difficult time writing this week. I’ve been having one of those weeks where polyamory is a struggle. Sometimes it’s an absolute joy, but it can also be a struggle.

I’m on vacation this week, and had expected that I would spend a lot of time with MasterDoc. Plans changed and he spent last weekend mostly with his one non-sub girlfriend (who he only sees about once a month). Then he was going to have a night alone with me when DeeDee went to fetch her daughter for a weekend visit, but her trip got canceled. The result has been that I feel like I’m last. I feel like I have to always be the patient one and suck it up and act all happy no matter what. This isn’t really true, especially not in the extreme way I expressed it just now, but sometimes one’s feelings aren’t rational and accurate – they just are.

I did get to spend time alone with MasterDoc on Monday afternoon. We had a fun time with my new wrist ties (free gift-with-purchase from Liberator when I got a second throe.). He used them to tie me to the headboard; I was kinda hoping he’d use them to secure my arms together. I think sometimes MasterDoc is not only “rope-challenged” but also “bondage-challenged.” He doesn’t always see how bondage can be erotic, he seems to just dwell on how it limits me – in a bad way (“How are you going to suck my cock like that?”), rather than focusing on how it limits me – in a good way. (You can violate me six ways to Sunday, Sir while I’m tied up helpless.) This is merely a difference in how we see the possibilities of bondage. I’ve explained it to him and he seems to be getting a better idea of why I find it so hot.

He used the crop on me – inner thighs, pussy. He had also brought the cane and used it directly on my clit. This isn’t as painful as you would think, as he just used the tip of it and couldn’t get a good “whack” going without potentially missing the mark. He managed to make me come from this stimulation. I never expected I would have an orgasm thanks to being clit spanked with a cane. I’m constantly discovering new turn-ons – and I think that in general many things that aren’t a turn-on with someone else are a turn-on with MasterDoc by virtue of the fact that he’s so hot and knows me so well. He grabbed my hair, which always works. I’m growing my hair in a bit, so he will definitely have something to grab a hold of.

My back has been bothering me lately, so I asked MasterDoc for a back massage. As turned on as I was at that point, the back massage turned erotic immediately. He started massaging my body with his head – he says it’s strangely intimate (though rough on his neck). He rolled and pressed his head all along my back. I thought it felt wonderful and love when he’s creative. I came again from the massage. One of these days he will make me come from a cold start. I can see it coming.

He hadn’t come in a while and he wanted me to make him come with a butt toy. (He was originally going to use one on me, but got distracted. These things happen.) He lay on his side and I massaged his butt and asshole to loosen things up. I lubed him up well, used a finger to massage right inside his anus, then slowly put the toy in. I rubbed my body against his as I put pressure on the toy so it hit his prostate. He stroked his cock at the same time. He told me to come when he did – I didn’t expect it but I came uncontrollably.

Unfortunately, that wonderful interlude was swept away a short time later by the first migraine headache I’ve had in years. With my head throbbing it was impossible to keep the glowing feeling I felt after sex. But MasterDoc took care of me and I tried to sleep through the worst of it.

I saw him again on Tuesday, but even though MasterDoc is one of the most even-keeled people I know, he had an off day. He was worried about something and this made him uncharacteristically distant and grumpy. I enjoyed watching episodes of Dexter with DeeDee and let him have his space.

That evening, he was feeling better and took me in the bedroom. He gave me a good spanking using the paddle, his hands, the crop and the cane. He indulged in some objectification by pulling my ass apart and inspecting my body. He inspected my pussy, commenting on it all the while. He gently pried open my ass and lubed it well. Something slid into my ass, I had a hard time determining which toy it was. Apparently it was a plain silicone dildo. He fucked me with it, and I started to rock back and forth and moan with the desperation of a woman in need of an orgasm. I whine and whimper much like a dog when I’m on the verge and desperate for his permission to come. I wordlessly implore him to let me come.

The teasing ends, he has me come and I came like a banshee. (Do banshees come? I guess I meant I shrieked like a banshee, with pleasure.)

I had hoped for more play later, but after a rough day MasterDoc just wanted to watch the Yankee game. My bout of insecurity started to blossom and unfortunately came to a head the next day.

But all is well now. And he’s supposed to be spending the weekend with me at my place. Hopefully my writing mojo will come back.

Therapeutic Beating

Published on October 15, 2010 in anal, bdsm, bondage, caning, cunt, D/s, dom, flogging, kink, masochism, needle play, nipple clamps, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, restraints, sadism, sex toys, spanking, submissive and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I’ve been feeling vaguely PMS-y this week. While being on the pill keeps me from full-blown PMDD, I still get some symptoms like the blues, fatigue, frequent urination. (Yes, too much information, I realize that.) When I get to feeling out of sorts like this (but it hasn’t escalated into full-on depression) asking MasterDoc for a beating can be helpful. And he’s always happy to give it to me to prevent my mood from taking a complete nose dive.

He took some time to plan for a change. Usually since we play at home he doesn’t plan things out with me (but does when he goes out to play with one of his casual playmates). I was looking at Halloween costumes online with DeeDee, when MasterDoc reappeared from the play room with the behind the back restraints. Oh my, he thought of them! He put them on me and I sat on the sofa, my hands secured behind me. He came back out a few moments later with the nipple clamps – thankfully the adjustable ones and not the clover clamps. He commented to DeeDee that he took the time to find those instead of the clovers. One clamp was a bit bent (although my opinion is that it still could have worked) so he only put one clamp on. It worked out to either be too loose (and then fall off) or a bit of delicate breast skin would get pinched between the pressure-adjusting screw and hurt like a motherfucker.

He came out again a short while later. He had an alcohol swab and wiped off my un-clamped nipple. Yikes. I didn’t think he was seriously going to pierce it, but then you never know with him, so it made me nervous. He’s been going on lately about being in the mood for needles, and had used a few on my ass a couple of days before.

When he came out to the living room for the final time, he told me to come with him. From his new sofa I could actually get up with the restraints on (previously I couldn’t get the momentum to stand up).

In the play room, he had the spreader bar ready with cuffs attached, and the throe on the bed over the axis shape. He instructed me to lay on my stomach, and I struggled into place with my hands still secured behind. The bed in that room is too soft and I found my face being buried in the mattress, making it hard to breathe. I told him about this and he put a pillow under my head to lift my face up. He asked me to scoot up a little and I struggled while complaining that I couldn’t. He had said to me a while ago that he liked seeing me struggle in the restraints, and I hoped he enjoyed that little bit of struggle.

He attached the spreader bar to my ankles with the cuffs. I was helpless.

He beat me with four different floggers, and the lightest cane. He would intersperse the pain with a quick, intense, Hitachi massage to my cunt. Once I started to really moan he’d take it away and stop. He didn’t hold back on beating me. I was crying out in pain quite often. He flogged my upper back too, barely missing my bound hands. The prolonged infliction of pain gradually brought on an endorphin rush. My pain tolerance seemed only moderate, but I needed to feel the pain of the lash.

He continued to use the Hitachi at intervals. And he used a rough-textured rubber glove on me – scraping my sore ass, pushing into the delicate folds of my pussy as he grabbed me with it. That glove really added to the feeling of being used. That and when he’d pull a little on spreader bar to keep my legs still while flogging me.

I felt cold lube on my asshole, and he thrust a toy into there. He fucked me with it, jiggled it. We haven’t done much anal in months so I loved the feeling. He’d move on to the Hitachi again and I so wanted to come.

He teased and beat me for a good long while, duration being important when I need a therapeutic beating. He had taken ritalin that day and he used the extra energy to beat me with gusto. He used the Hitachi on my clit again and told me to come. As he pushed the vibrator against my cunt I came, moaning like crazy, trying to push back even harder against the vibrations. I liked the feeling of being made to come while bound helpless.

After an extended orgasm, he lay on the bed near my head. I asked him if we could please undo my hands as the position was suddenly uncomfortable without stimulation going on to distract me. My legs remained attached to the bar, but I snuggled up to him. He was a little sweaty, but since it was post bath it was a yummy smell – masculine, salty. Fresh sweat on a clean body can be a sexy smell, particularly when he’s worked up that sweat beating you.

I felt dazed but so much better than I had before. The next day at work, more than 12 hours after the beating, I marveled at how I still felt better from it.

Catching Up/Lesbian Sheep Dance Begone!

Published on September 11, 2010 in bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, caning, cunnilingus, cunt, D/s, dating, flogging, kink, lesbian, masochism, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I’ve gotten so behind! I’m still spending a lot of my downtime putting together my apartment. I found notes from an interlude last weekend that I will try to flesh out here – and I got a wonderful beating the other night – and I had a date with a woman today that actually went well.

Last weekend I hadn’t expected any sex on Monday because I had just had hot sex with MasterDoc a couple of nights in a row and I knew that he was having alone time with DeeDee that night. But Monday afternoon he was suddenly horny and decided on a quickie. Ooh! I wasn’t going to say no.

He started out by going down on me, something he does only sporadically. He doesn’t have any hang ups with it being “undomly” or anything like that, I just think it’s not his first thought when it comes to fooling around. I don’t mind too much as I find it takes me longer to come from oral. It’s something that feels good but doesn’t push me over the edge as easily as penetration. He made me come, mainly from his tongue doing delightful things to my clitoris and labia, but the real coming happened when he included fingers inside me and toyed with my g-spot.

I asked him if he would fuck me. Not to put down the cunnilingus, but I wanted his cock inside me. He admitted that’s where he was going before he got distracted.

He had me suck him into hardness so we could fuck. He choked me on cock once and it was hot as always. He had me get on top and I rode his cock with all the energy I had. I came tons of times.

Moments later, he decided he wanted more so he fucked me from behind. (Yes, please!) I just love bouncing back on his cock! I came even more – something I seem to say every time he and I fool around. I felt like he had fucked my brains out. Truly. I was well fucked.

Mid-week I got an extra evening with him, and I straight out asked if he could give me a beating. It had been a while since I got a full on flogger/cane/etc beating. He took his time and warmed me up. He beat me hard with the flogger and I still have a tender spot by one shoulder from his flogging my upper back. I was in subspace in no time flat.

He likes to stop and feel my cunt to see if I’m getting wet. I was able to tell there was wetness from the evaporation that would occur when he swung the flogger and it made a breeze. I could feel that my cunt was damp because the air would make it evaporate and cool me slightly.

MasterDoc used a vibe on me, but alas it was one that isn’t quite strong enough for me. He told me to come and I struggled with orgasms that evening. I didn’t come as hard as I would have liked initially, but I did come plus the beating was what I was really after. I had such an endorphin rush afterwards. The big finale was when he beat me and told me to come while I furiously stroked my clit. I squirted all over my hand and that was a truly satisfying orgasm.

It really is a kindness for him to take the time to beat me, something I’m sure many non-kinksters can’t understand. I felt calmer and more centered after like I usually do.

Then today I had a date. With a lady who contacted me on a dating site. She’s bi, kinky, poly, etc like I am but she’s a switch who is pretty comfortable Domming. I was my usual lesbian-sheep-dancing self, but thankfully despite her soft-spokenness she’s much more assertive than I am. She giggled nervously before kissing me, but damn I would have just sat there like an idiot forever had she not. She had no reason to be nervous but of course on a first date it can be hard to tell if it’s welcome or not – although moments before we a)clarified that I can bottom to people other than my Dom in certain circumstances (women generally get a free pass) and b) we both had fun and wanted to get together again.

The first kiss was lovely as she bent over me sitting on my bed (not having a sofa delivered yet has its advantages) but I really liked it when she then pushed me down on the bed and got on top of me for more making out. Rowr. My makeout sessions with women are so few and far between that I just totally savor the feeling of a woman pressing against me and how soft her skin inevitably is. It was lovely. I told her about the lesbian sheep dance and she had to admit she knows the dynamic it describes. I thanked her a couple of times for being more assertive than I am, thus saving me from myself and my lack of confidence in initiating something physical with a woman. I’m looking forward to seeing her again soon.

No One’s Perfect

Published on August 7, 2010 in bdsm, caning, D/s, DeeDee, depression, flogging, humiliation play, kink, masturbation, piss play, sex toys, spanking, swinging, threesome and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Sometimes when I sit down to write about my experiences, I find myself at a loss where to start. The writing doesn’t always flow easily from my fingers through the keyboard, and with an ADD Dom by my side to distract me, it can even be harder.

We had sex yesterday afternoon, but it didn’t go well. Suffice it to say I felt like I needed intimacy and closeness, and MasterDoc thought a beating and objectification were in order. It wasn’t. It wasn’t anything traumatic, even with my collar on I’d have spoken up if trauma was going to happen. I know he would want to know such things. But I started off cranky and just became more annoyed as he beat me, and then fucked me. I didn’t get turned on. I didn’t come. Now in his defense, treating me rough and as a fucktoy can get me really worked up oftentimes. It just so happens that this particular afternoon it did the opposite. I went off to take a nap after, and griped about the experience to him before I went to sleep (after my collar was off). Once we both got up from our naps we talked, and thankfully I realize that he’s a human being, and therefore not perfect. I don’t expect him to be. So often he does exactly the right thing for me, but it’s to be expected in the real world that now and then he’ll misjudge what’s needed. I’m proud of myself that acted appropriately as a sub and didn’t mouth off during it, but I waited til after when my collar was off and we could talk about it.

I feel like our relationship is getting better all the time. I’m learning not to overreact to things. We discuss things much more calmly than before. (He’s always been a proponent of calm.) I’m learning not to expect perfection from him. I’m sure I’ve said before that I don’t expect him to be perfect, but I think on some level a submissive wants his/her Dom to be like a god – perfect, always worthy of awe. But while we have those moments and they’re beautiful, in real life people are not perfect. I know that a worthwhile Dom is one who takes the time to learn from their mistakes. A worthwhile Dom is one that can admit that he/she fucked up. And a worthwhile submissive works with his/her Dom to make things better, and still respects the Dom even when they’ve made a mistake and admit it.

Later, we were supposed to go out to the swing club (me, MasterDoc and DeeDee), but when MasterDoc called the owner up it turns out it’s closed currently for construction. Phooey. We had all been looking forward to going out.

We decided to make our own fun at home, even though it meant we didn’t have the audience we’d have at a club. DeeDee, ever creative, started role playing being a stranger who has come to play with a new couple (MasterDoc and I). We didn’t keep up with it for long, but it was fun and inventive to role play.

MasterDoc had DeeDee keep the camera handy. Lately he’s into getting photos of my face during orgasm. I really wish I could share them here. It’s so interesting for me to see as I don’t normally see myself during orgasm. We joked around a bit, as we were all in a pretty silly mood. Then we started to focus and get down to business. MasterDoc quickly put me in my happy place (aka subspace) by stroking my face and my body. It’s wonderful how with just a little focus he can put me there so easily now.

He had to interrupt the proceedings to use the bathroom, and alas he decided to piss on DeeDee. I could hear them in the bathroom next door as he made her come while he pissed on her. I played with some of my Lelo toys (the Gigi til the power ran out and the Nea after). MasterDoc came back in to me after, and he realized that he couldn’t just start up with me again. After such an intense scene, DeeDee needed aftercare. He thought it would be cute if we each cuddled her from either side and he got her to come in and lay on the bed between us. It was definitely a good thing and I joked that she was getting the “deluxe aftercare” last night. As horny as I was, I could put that aside for a moment to enjoy cuddling. DeeDee and I don’t really cuddle, but it wouldn’t be a bad thing to do at all.

She was going to rest on the floor after she felt better – she didn’t want to keep us from fooling around, but she didn’t want to be alone either. I could totally understand that and was fine with her staying there. She didn’t get to rest much, however, before MasterDoc got her taking photos.

To be continued….

The Beast with Three Backs

Published on June 20, 2010 in anal, bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, D/s, DeeDee, dom, dp, edge play, exhibitionism, flogging, kink, masochism, masturbation, needle play, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex toys, slut, spanking, submissive, threesome and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

What a busy weekend! What a busy Saturday! Late Saturday afternoon, MasterDoc had a guy over for a show. This guy replied to MasterDoc’s ad for a bdsm lesson since his girlfriend is interested in being sub. He asked intelligent questions and knew more than many people who come by for a lesson. DeeDee led him in in her maid outfit. MasterDoc and I came into living room shortly after and sat and talked with him. After feeling out what the guest knew and was interested in, MasterDoc had me get a pillow and get on my knees. I blew MasterDoc while he continued to talk to the guest. Sometimes I feel shy when being a slut like this. I think – “Wow, so many people would think negatively for me being such a slut. I have a fantastic time doing it however.” I guess the taboo of it is part of the hotness.

I got to listen to MasterDoc giving out all his domly secrets. Ha ha. He mentioned doing things I didn’t realize he did deliberately. I often don’t realize how intentional his behavior is. The guest brought up breathplay and feeling uncomfortable doing it, and MasterDoc took the time to explain the very real risks inherent in breathplay. I think if you’re going to do edge play, you need to know the real risks before you can decide to assume those risks. As a doctor, MasterDoc understands what can go wrong and why it would go wrong. (If you’re putting pressure on the trachea to block breathing, it’s too easy to break the trachea with just a little pressure. If you’re pressing the carotid arteries to deprive the brain of oxygen, you can cause brain damage potentially if done for too long or too often. And in older subs, you can possibly cause a stroke.) After the informative lecture, MasterDoc made me come on the couch with my Nea. Despite feeling a little embarrassed having my legs spread in front of a stranger, I got so hot that my whole body was rocked with the orgasm. If you’re feeling anxious about having an audience the best thing to do is close your eyes and focus on the erotic sensations. Soon you won’t care if anyone’s watching. (By the way, DeeDee recently bought herself a Nea since she loved mine so much. Hers is black and mine is rose, so we will always be able to tell whose is whose.)

MasterDoc fetched DeeDee from her room and spanked her well, all while explaining flogger use. Her ass was delightfully pink in short order. I suddenly felt hungry and asked permission to go get a snack. Permission granted, I wandered off to the kitchen. I’m not entirely sure what went on in those few minutes I was in the kitchen. When I came back, DeeDee was sucking MasterDoc’s cock and he had me come in for a cuddle. I stroked his leg and his chest trying to enhance the blow job. It really is fun and amazing to make him feel so good. He had me switch with DeeDee and I enthusiastically sucked his cock for a while. The more I get into it, the more he seems distracted by how good it feels.

MasterDoc fucked DeeDee and had me accessorize by playing with his ass. He explained how to teasingly fuck and get a woman totally worked up before giving permission to come. MasterDoc really should write a book on being a Dom.

DeeDee lay on the mat and recovered from her orgasms while MasterDoc talked some more with the guest. Needleplay came up somehow, and MasterDoc suggested I get some needles out. There was a moment where it seemed like we couldn’t do it – MasterDoc said he’d get alcohol wipes but he forgot. Then I came up with the brilliant idea that we could use the hand sanitizer I had in my purse. Ingenuity for the win!

He prepped my ass cheek with the hand sanitizer, and then slid a needle firmly into an ass cheek. I cried out – it feels like he’s inserting the needles deeper now than he had before – more into the muscle and not as much on the surface. It’s one of those things where in mid-pierce I think, “Why the hell do I want this? This fucking hurts!” But a moment later the pain has subsided and I’m flying high on endorphins. He did another needle alongside the first.

We were all pretty worn out by that time, and MasterDoc showed our guest the door. I think he went away with a lot of useful information.

While we rested after, I started talking with DeeDee and somehow vivid memories of the role playing I did with my first boyfriend came to mind. We would play all sorts of parts – one of us the chauffeur driving my car, while the other was the wealthy boss who seduces the chauffeur. We’d pretend to be strangers picking each other up at a bar for casual sex (something neither of us had done). We pretended one person was totally naive about sex and the other initiated them into it. Getting into the headspace of being another person can be so hot. I’m craving some role play these days.

Now that I’ve started understanding age play a little, I would love to play the part of young girl being taken care of by the responsible older adult. (I indulged this fantasy in my head as I played a game on my phone while lying on the mat in the living room when MasterDoc and DeeDee went off to prepare dinner. I let myself feel the comfort of being a kid playing in the living room while dinner is made for me by two kind adults.) I would also love to play the part of a kidnapped woman. (I don’t need a realistic set up of being abducted on the street – just role playing is adequate for me. I have a vivid imagination.) Or a whore. Or someone being forcefully taken – I really like that one, a scene of consensual non-consent. The possibilities are endless. I hope MasterDoc is up for this at some point.

Later in the evening, MasterDoc spoke with our friend V online while I played more games on my phone. Before I knew it, he was having her come over to double-penetrate me. I thought at first that he meant “someday” but he meant she was getting in her car and on her way!

I took a bit of a nap because I was tired and about an hour later I woke and V was here. She had brought her medium and large silicone cocks and I chose the smaller one since she was taking the ass. (MasterDoc’s cock was going in the pussy.)
Now, I had never been successfully dp’ed before. We all warmed ourselves up with toys and what not – MasterDoc stood at the end of the bed watching us saying, “Pretend I’m a perv.”

“Pretend!” I exclaimed.

My knees were worn out, so MasterDoc had me lay on my stomach as V warmed up my ass. She lubed me up well and worked her girl cock into me. After I was stretched out adequately, MasterDoc had me get on top of his cock. V tried to penetrate me from behind after his cock was in, but getting the angle while she was strapped on proved to be impossible (for more than a second anyway). I got enough of a taste to know that feeling so filled up was a major turn on.

V unstrapped her cock, and she and MasterDoc dp’ed me that way. Holy fuck. He told me I could come as soon as she got the dildo in my ass and come I did. Harder than I would have even thought possible. I kept coming and coming and coming until they stopped the stimulation. I could not help myself from coming. I had sometimes worried that being dp’ed would be too “stuffed” but the feeling of being filled like that was fucking amazing. Hopefully someday I can manage a dp with two bio cocks.

My knees were fatigued beyond belief so MasterDoc came up with the idea to fuck me on top, while V fucked his ass with a dildo. Wow. I thought this was so hot. I just kept imagining the dildo up his ass and how good that feels and the fact that his cock was also inside me. I love that MasterDoc is not a homophobe and can, as a straight man, enjoy anal penetration.

We made sure that V had the chance to come before heading home – I ran the magic wand on her. After, I went off to get water and when I walked back in the bedroom, MasterDoc was fucking V. I took the opportunity to help out and started playing with his ass. As I worked a finger in his ass (already lubed from before), I realized that my finger was facing the wrong way – towards his back. I rotated it around and started massaging his prostate. This went over very, very well with MasterDoc. I knelt on the floor (he was standing at the end of the bed fucking V) and played with his ass while he fucked her. It’s not easy to do, but I could manage it for a while.

All in all, yesterday was a really active, hot day. I am so fortunate to have so much fun with MasterDoc, DeeDee and V.

Flirtation and Flogging

Published on June 20, 2010 in attraction, bdsm, bisexuality, bondage, caning, D/s, DeeDee, edge play, exhibitionism, flogging, kink, masochism, orgasm on command, restraints, sadism, sex, sex parties, sex toys, slut, spanking, submissive, sybian and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I had a fabulous time Friday night! I don’t often name specific clubs or parties here, but Sir Magnus Romello’s bdsm parties (Avant Garde Loft) are ones to watch! They have really taken off. Look them up on fetlife.

I was a little more confident and I flirted with one of Sir Magnus’ submissives pretty blatantly. (I will call her Sofija here. She is Serbian so I picked out a Serbian name for her courtesy of a google search.) I had emailed her after meeting last time and we were maybe going to meet up for coffee. (But her Sir insisted she catch up on sleep while on that break from work. Fair enough.) Hitting on her was easier due to getting a clear vibe that she is interested too. But can you see it? Me – the Queen of the Lesbian Sheep Dance – I was forward. No joke.

I was more social this time around. Initially I thought Sofija didn’t remember me which bummed me out, but it was really down to dim lighting, my new bangs, and her being a little tipsy – she didn’t recognize me at first but then she was happy to see me. When MasterDoc saw my opportunity to chat with her, he pulled DeeDee away to walk around and left me talking with Sofija and her friend. Sofija invited me to come along with them when they went elsewhere in the club and I followed. We joked around with Sofija’s strap on and I was feeling pretty confident and good. Her friend for the evening was visiting from the south and she was a young (18 or 19 years old), gorgeous woman. (Tall, slim, pretty – and yet in conversation with her later that night it turns out she doesn’t realize how gorgeous she is. I hate how women are taught to feel insecure in our society.) I was thrilled when the younger woman had trouble believing that Sofija is in her early thirties and me in my late thirties. She said, “Everyone looks younger up here!”

The social period went on, I got side tracked from following Sofija and friend by running into DeeDee who was talking with a fem Domme. People are really quite friendly for the most part at these parties. I can see myself going regularly and getting to be friendly with some people. (Unlike when I wrote about another New York party on here that I didn’t enjoy as much.)

I was thrilled when MasterDoc started setting things up to flog me. He and DeeDee put my wrists in cuffs and attached me to a low St. Andrew’s cross. MasterDoc flogged me – first with the little flogger, then interrupted to spank me with his hands, and then the big flogger. He struck both my ass and my upper back. He was pretty intense with the hits and he even worked in the cane a few times. I cried out as loud as I could to be heard over the music. I checked in with him at one point to make sure he could hear me crying out. He said simply, “Yes,” and went back to work. Ok, then. As long as he was aware at how much pain he was causing, I was okay with that.

He teased me with a vibe, but the difficult thing is when you’re reaching around a woman from the back, it’s much harder to find her clit than from the front. He teased me a whole lot, mostly not on quite the right spot. He told me I could come ad-lib and as I started coming he pulled the toy away. Fuck. Orgasm interruptus. (He could hear cries of pain over the music but not the more subtle sounds of impending orgasm.) He had DeeDee help out with using the toy while he flogged me but bless her heart she’s still learning and couldn’t get the vibe on the right spot. I started laughing because the situation was kinda funny to me – I’m being teased but in such a way that the stimulation is not enough to get me anywhere near getting off. With my hands bound, I couldn’t show DeeDee where to put the vibe exactly. MasterDoc took over the toy again, and I was nearly – nearly! – to orgasm but my knees gave out. They started doing this popping thing and I couldn’t hold myself up any more. I need to get in shape.

I was so frustrated at not really coming, but my body was exhausted. I sat and rested for a while and then MasterDoc decided to give me the first sybian ride of the evening. It was wonderful to finally come! I screamed as I came. MasterDoc kept me coming over and over and over again. He pushed me past what I thought I could handle. DeeDee spanked me a bit and then she pressed against me and could feel the vibrations through my body. MasterDoc told her she could come as well, and she came pressed into me – which made me come harder.

I was exhausted after. Yes, even more so than before. I lay down on the mat next to the sybian for a while. MasterDoc chatted with DeeDee while I lay there, and at one point he started using me as a foot rest. Kinky perv that I am, I thought that was hot. Sometimes I really, really get into being submissive. After I had enough energy to sit up, I sat on the mat by his feet and hugged his leg. I do enjoy being the worshipful sub sometimes.

MasterDoc gave other sybian rides, of course. One of Sofija’s “sisters” (in her leather family) held the young Southern woman as she rode for her first time. MasterDoc sat off the to the side, watching her reactions and manning the controls. Sofija sat nearby and I initiated a little flirting. We held hands for a brief few moments. I was bold and started gently touching her skin, but she mentioned that her Sir said he didn’t want anyone touching her that night without his permission. I respected that of course and figured that perhaps some other time…. (Yes, I felt too shy to go ask her Dom. I mean, the guy’s a Dom, lil’ ol’ me can be intimidated even though he’s always been nice.)

MasterDoc told me a little later that he had spoken to Sir M a while ago and asked permission for me to hook up with Sofija. (!) And I was interested enough and forward enough tell her this straight out next opportunity I got. She wanted to ask her Sir to confirm and I agreed wholeheartedly, saying I didn’t know if the permission applied that night or not. She apparently got in trouble for something when she went over to him, and she was busy watching her sisters the rest of the evening. (I don’t get the sense that she got in trouble over me. She wrote me an email the next day saying she hopes she gets to spend more time with me in the future. *happy dance*)

There were some hot scenes going on. While DeeDee recovered from her sybian ride (I helped by massaging her ass and inner thighs while she came.) I asked permission to wander off and I got to see one couple doing fire play. It was fascinating. Right next to them there was a suspension going on – something I’ve never experienced either. Sir M was giving a flogging to a lass who wiggled so sexily. I saw her later with another Dom and he flogged her front while she writhed sexily again. I made a point of telling her how hot it was to watch her on the way out. She looked like an average woman, someone who would not necessarily be aware of her allure. (She looked like a nice Jewish girl. Not someone you’d assume to be a perv. You know, like most of us pervs – normal-looking!) She seemed really appreciative that I mentioned she was hot to watch.

I enjoyed watching some fem Dommes – especially with masculine male subs. Sissy male subs don’t do it for me. (Nothing wrong with others’ kinks, it’s just one that doesn’t do it for me. The adult baby there didn’t do it for me either. But I have gradually come to see that some age play can be fun. I don’t feel the need to regress to infancy myself.) I thought about how men are expected to be dominant sexually in our culture and the relief a submissive man must feel when he hooks up with a dominant woman for the first time. He can be himself. He doesn’t have to be in charge. It’s a wonderful thing that kinksters can find each other and bring so much pleasure. Other parties I’ve been to have often been male Dom/female sub heavy, but this party had many fem Dommes, sub men, switchy people. We saw two guys play – something you don’t see often. Even hopelessly straight MasterDoc thought it was cool that a male couple would feel comfortable enough to play. He may not be turned on by it, but he’s supportive of people enjoying the sexuality that turns them on.

The Man with the Sybian

Published on April 17, 2010 in bdsm, blow jobs, caning, D/s, DeeDee, depression, emotions, exhibitionism, flogging, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, sex parties, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Last night I went out to a party with MasterDoc and DeeDee. She’s now staying with MasterDoc until she gets herself settled in New York, so we’ll get to hang out more often.

I was feeling blue and moody, thanks to the usual premenstrual issues, but I was at least able to control my feelings this time, and realize that they were hormonal rather than real issues. It was wonderful that DeeDee noticed I was out of sorts and she asked what she could do or not to that evening to help – this is why we’re friends. Just hearing that helped de-grumpify me a little bit.

We went out in the pouring rain because MasterDoc was bringing the sybian to this party, so he had an obligation to show up. I found early in the evening that I needed cuddles more than anything else, and DeeDee and I sat on either side of him on a sofa for a while after we arrived at the party. The cuddles definitely helped me. I was fortunate since MasterDoc and DeeDee had had sexual and bdsm fun in the afternoon, so he focused on me a little more which I really needed last night.

The party started really slowly. It seemed the singletons showed up early so no one was playing. I felt like we were beyond the kink level of the attendees, but later when things started picking up and more couples arrived, I found that while we were decidedly more sexual than most, the others there were pretty damn kinky. I went down on MasterDoc for a while (despite the slight discomfort from bending over in my waist cincher) and DeeDee took a turn after.

MasterDoc knows that spanking, coupled with orgasms, usually helps my mood a great deal. So he had me kneel on the sofa, facing the back and take my pants down. He spanked and flogged me for a while and it helped my asocial mood to be able to close my eyes and just focus on the beating. He soon had DeeDee kneel on the sofa next to me, and he took turns flogging, spanking and caning us both. It was strange to hear two blows but not feel anything (when he hit DeeDee) and then suddenly the next two blows hit my ass. He gave us vibes to play with and made us work ourselves up. It’s funny because both DeeDee and I felt kinda like it was somehow not okay to be so sexual when no one else was doing anything. But still, regardless of anxiety, MasterDoc’s voice telling us to come made us come at once. I was afraid to squirt on my pants that were down around my knees, so I held back a little, but I did come. The orgasms were kinda like skipping stones across a pond – not deep but repetitive.

MasterDoc gave me the first sybian ride of the evening, and the orgasms did me a world of good. If you ever get a chance to watch a woman on a sybian, please do. It is amazing how hard a woman can come – and now much! – when riding that amazing vibrator. My orgasms were insane – I kept coming over and over. Grabbing blindly at MasterDoc and coming uncontrollably. I squirted a couple of times and had to clean up afterwards. He kept pushing me until I was too exhausted to come any more. I lay down on the couch after and was happy when I could rest my head on MasterDoc’s lap. MasterDoc’s pms cure had worked again!

DeeDee is exploring her switchiness and she got to talking to a submissive man at the party. He seemed nice. Not entirely her type but at least he put service before his own kinky desires – quite refreshing compared to the guys DeeDee has met on collar me. He gave DeeDee a foot rub, and she kindly got him to give me one after. Ah it was wonderful. I may not be at all dominant, but I do appreciate a good foot rub. He did it as long as either of us wanted him to. He also bought DeeDee a soda when she asked, and later he helped her out of her panties when she went to ride the sybian and he held them during her ride – I’m sure that was an exciting bit of the night for him.

MasterDoc got another taker for the sybian and he gave a ride to another lady while her man held her up, and held her arms behind her back (oooh, restraint during intense orgasms! Me want!). DeeDee and I sat with the submissive man and discussed the progression that goes on during a sybian ride. It starts of seeming like nothing much, soon the woman is bucking her hips and riding the machine. Then it keeps intensifying and after a variable period of time she comes. Screaming orgasms. It may back off a little – partly because the body needs a break and partly because MasterDoc will turn down the vibrations a bit, but when he turns them back up another amazing orgasm is wrenched from her body. It is amazing and hot to watch. I think it’s even more so when you’ve been on a sybian yourself and you know the stages and how it feels.

The party host had a lady of his get a ride and didn’t let her come. Meanie! DeeDee and I were appalled and so thankful that MasterDoc isn’t into prolonged orgasm denial. Neither of us would be able to handle it. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to do, just not something that makes any sense whatsoever for me.

DeeDee wanted a sybian ride, so when MasterDoc looked around for more victims, er, volunteers I pointed to DeeDee to get his attention. Like I said earlier, the sub guy held her panties and while he fiddled with them a little he didn’t do anything creepy with them. It’s a shame he’s not more DeeDee’s type since he was quite nice, but I can see that a relationship wouldn’t really work with them. They’re not on the same page otherwise. DeeDee is really smart and educated, and she needs a man who can stimulate her intellectually.

MasterDoc hadn’t slept well the night before, and he decided to lay down on the couch and take a nap. He looked so cute sleeping there. There are times when you can still see the little boy inside the man and it’s incredibly endearing. DeeDee and I talked while MasterDoc napped.

Leaving was difficult since the party host wanted the sybian to stay around as long as possible, but I had worked that day and was pretty damn tired by 2 a.m. We were all ready to go home so we managed to say our goodbyes. The submissive guy happily carried the sybian out for us while MasterDoc pulled the car around.

I was in a much better mood after last night, and today, while I’m still feeling moody, I feel in relative control over myself. This is a good thing. MasterDoc had to go out in the morning for a while, and DeeDee and I just talked and talked for a few hours. As I tweeted at that time, life is good.

Threesome Weekend

Published on January 31, 2010 in bisexuality, blow jobs, cunt, D/s, DeeDee, exhibitionism, flogging, kink, masochism, masturbation, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, poly, porn, sex, sex parties, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, swinging, threesome and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

I think I’ve turned a new corner with polyamory. DeeDee is visiting MasterDoc and I spent some time with both of them this weekend, and I finally realize that being poly can include having a fabulous time with both your partner and one of their other partners. I’ve always been fond of DeeDee, but I was a bit possessive of time with MasterDoc. But this weekend, the three of us went to a club Friday night and hung out at MasterDoc’s on Saturday and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

We were supposed to go to a kink party that all of us were looking forward to, but the party host had to change the date in his struggle to find a good venue for the party. MasterDoc was having a bad day but I managed to convince him that we should go out anyway. He started the evening grumpy but in short order he was in a better mood. How could he not be with two lovely ladies eager to go out and fuck in public with him? He took us out to dinner at a pub near the swing club.I have a great time laughing with them both and it’s wonderful to hang out with people who you can be yourself with. I can be a kinky slut and it’s not considered a bad thing, not at all.

At the club, MasterDoc started the night with paddling me. I seem to be enjoying harder spankings these days. The only down side? A guy who was too aggressive and space invading. He’s an older man (in his 60′s or so) and he and his wife are often at the club. Now, if he were charming and kind I might just be persuaded to be interested in him despite the age difference. However, he is pushy. And when I climbed on the spanking bench he moved over to be right by where my head would be. Back the fuck off! I gave him such a nasty look. He moved after that. He kept making comments, and sitting too close, and humming incessantly to draw attention to himself. MasterDoc told him to leave at one point and the man didn’t. MasterDoc had to talk to him again when he was trying to talk to me while DeeDee got spanked. Had the guy touched me, he would have gotten a right telling off – even with my collar on. Fucker couldn’t take the hint that I was totally, and obviously, not interested.
But back to the spanking…. When I could block out the idiot, I enjoyed the hard long spanking MasterDoc gave me. He had DeeDee hold the vibe to my clit and I enjoyed the combination of spanking and vibe. (Although we need to give DeeDee a little more instruction on exactly where to put the vibe.)

After my spanking came DeeDee’s spanking. MasterDoc had her suck his cock while she lay over the spanking bench. I settled down on the bed and placed pillows between myself and the pushy guy sitting on the other end. I did my best to ignore him. I played with myself with a vibe while watching the spanking. MasterDoc told me to use a vibe on DeeDee, and I got up and placed my bullet vibe on her clit on high. When I tease women I tend to be a bit relentless rather than teasing. I place the vibe right on her clit so that the vibrations quickly take her to the edge of orgasm. She had to hold back until she got permission from MasterDoc and I was grinning ear to ear while I drove her crazy. She came and the crowd in the room got quite a show. Her cunt was quite wet and consequently so was my hand.

We packed up, and MasterDoc was delighted to find that the big bed in the next room was now available. DeeDee goes to get water for us all while I suck MasterDoc’s cock. I like having an audience while I do this, I hope that the men in the room are imagining that I’m blowing them. DeeDee takes a turn and I unbutton MasterDoc’s shirt so I can stroke his chest. I think to nibble on his neck a bit and he clearly enjoys getting his cock sucked while I do this. The men around us had to be green with envy. This guy (MasterDoc) has two attractive women tending to his every need and making him feel amazing.

Next he toys with both of us. He sucks on my nipples while DeeDee massages his ass from behind. It’s all so decadent and hot. He gets us using toys on our clits. DeeDee gets revved up quickly. I take a bit longer since the pushy guy is humming loudly and ruining my concentration. MasterDoc bends down and licks my clit for a moment, and I can focus better on my pleasure after that. From his perch kneeling at the end of the bed between us, he verbally teases us, asking if we’re ready to come. This teasing usually serves to make me hotter, faster. He looks us straight in the eye in turn. He tells us to come at the same time. I can only imagine how cool it must have been to watch us come simultaneously. I squirted quite a bit. MasterDoc reached over and fingered me to make me come more, and louder. He then did the same for DeeDee. It was pretty impressive.

We cuddled after. I lay in my little puddle of come. We thanked MasterDoc simultaneously for the orgasms.

I was hoping to get fucked, but we ended up hanging out mostly after this. We ran into some people we know, and I got to talking with the slutty bartender, the one who gave quite a show squirting last time we were there. Apparently, she was hitting on me. MasterDoc pointed out after that she was actually playing with her pussy while talking to me and clearly wanted me to touch her. Doh. I was, as usual, completely oblivious. It’s really a low-self-esteem problem: I don’t think someone who has what is a culturally accepted body (i.e., slim and toned) would be attracted to me. Yes, I realize I need to work on that. No wonder I end up fucking so few women.

We called it a night early, but the next day there was much fooling around at MasterDoc’s. He put porn on his new large screen tv and we marveled at how up close and personal it seemed when played on that tv. The porn was exceptionally hot for vanilla porn – the women seemed to really be enjoying themselves. Watching people fucking who are into it is way hotter than watching someone who’s just doing it for the money and waiting for it all to be over.

The porn got us all worked up and MasterDoc fucked me from behind for a while. It felt amazing but my damn knees gave out. Eventually the pain in my knees blocked out my ability to enjoy the fuck and I had to ask to stop. I didn’t come then. We all lay on the mat on the floor and DeeDee and I massaged MasterDoc. Usually, he makes the point that we’re lucky to have him, but yesterday he actually came out with, “I am a very lucky man.” It felt wonderful to hear him acknowledge that. I think we’re all lucky.

Hunger won out over horniness and so we ordered lunch. Things shifted away from sex and we ended up watching Fiddler on the Roof on tv. After the movie, I started to pack up my things to go home since Saturday night was a night for DeeDee and MasterDoc to be alone. As I started to get dressed, MasterDoc said he had planned to give me a sybian ride before I went home. Well now, that was certainly enough to get me to take my clothes off again.

I rode the sybian while MasterDoc worked the controls and I leaned forward onto him. DeeDee got some practice in with the little flogger while I rode. At first, she missed me and hit the machine but after some coaching from MasterDoc she gave me a nice flogging. When I came, she pressed up against me and my clit came in even better contact with the vibrating sybian. I had such an amazing, extended orgasm from the two of them working me over. I had to collapse on the floor after.

When I had recovered, I got dressed and headed out. As I walked into the cold evening, I playfully exaggerated in my head the notion that I’ve been turned out into the cold, cold night, all alone. Oh poor me! And I laughed to myself, because even though we’re conditioned to think that’s the way it is, I really didn’t feel like that. Sure I had wanted to stay where it was friendly and warm, but I also want to make MasterDoc happy, and giving him space to hang out with other women makes him happy. Also, I was looking forward to an evening alone. The only negative to the evening was the possible domestic violence scene I could hear playing out from the floor below me now and then. I felt really unsafe while that was going on, and bewildered, and not sure what to do. (Do you call the police on your landlord, the man who could then throw you out? Particularly when you’re alone for the night and he’s a gruff bully?)

But when it was quiet, I had a lovely time by myself. I watched Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, a long time favorite movie, and was just tickled at how cool Jane Russell is.

On With the Show

Published on January 3, 2010 in bdsm, blow jobs, D/s, embarrassment, exhibitionism, flogging, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, photos, sex, sex toys, show, slut, spanking, submissive and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

Late Saturday afternoon we put on a show. I wasn’t initially in the mood for one, I was hoping for a quiet afternoon in and possibly some more use of my behind the back restraints. (I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they will get a fair amount of use.) MasterDoc had me dress in the maid costume from Halloween, and I felt silly. I was embarrassed and not in the hot-humiliation-play sort of way. He pointed out that had I asked nicely not to wear it, I may have been allowed to forgo it that day, but since I was a bit cranky I ended up in the costume. I started feeling a bit better after I put on fishnet stockings and the high heels. They made me feel sexier as did our guest’s reaction when he saw me. His immediate reaction was, “Wow! Very nice! Very pretty.”

I think heels look fabulous, but I can’t stand wearing the bloody things. I also thought that MasterDoc’s neighbors must be cursing me as I clumped around on the wooden floor in heels. I asked for permission to take them off and thankfully he let me. I got drinks for everyone as MasterDoc started making conversation with our guest. I sat on the couch next to MasterDoc in my silly maid outfit and blushed profusely as they talked about me, and MasterDoc talked about our relationship. It’s funny, the feminist in me realizes that I shouldn’t be all into being liked for my looks and sex appeal, but damn it does feel good to feel sexy.

My friend Coy Pink recently sent along a new toy when she was so very kind to send me some yummy tea. (Let me just say, she rocks. And she has some hooooot pictures on her site.) She had won an electrosex power box and wasn’t interested in it herself. She asked if I was interested and since MasterDoc has some TENS units we’ve used, I said yes. We had taken it out of the box and looked it over, but not played with it yet. MasterDoc applied two of the electrodes on either side of my left nipple. He played with the settings on the box and for a while I didn’t feel anything. Then he started to get it going and I jumped suddenly. Our guest said, “Oh she felt that!” and seemed amused. He asked if it could be used elsewhere, such as my pussy. MasterDoc said, ooh he’ s a meanie, and opted instead for my inner thigh since he’s not accustomed to using the unit yet. He played with shocking me a bit more before deciding to put the toy away. I’m curious to see what it would be like if we had a vaginal electrode attachment. Yikes. Could be amazingly fun or horrible torture.

He had me get on my knees and blow him. It’s a very subservient position to be in – on your knees, breasts bared, sucking the cock of your dressed Dom and being watched by another perv. In case you might misinterpret that, I mean it’s hot. Plus I’m quite happy with my “slut’s pacifier” in my mouth.

Our guest was appreciative, paying me many compliments throughout the show. This added to the ego boost MasterDoc had been giving me lately by giving me lots of compliments and reminding me how much he loves me. I have to admit that I’m not feeling so down on myself now.

I got bent over the scoop and flogged and paddled. (He used the wooden paddle, which is much harsher than the leather slut paddle.) I’ll include some pictures here for your viewing pleasure. MasterDoc also teased me with my bullet vibe and played with me until I begged to come. I came in typically spectacular fashion – you can’t mistake me for someone who’s not enjoying herself.

(New camera. Haven’t fixed the date stamp!)

After I recovered, MasterDoc had me do more dick sucking, followed by laying on my back masturbating on the mat on the floor. It’s funny how I have no trouble doing this in front of a stranger (I mean, it’s HOT) but I do keep my eyes closed as much as possible. I was already really wet from coming before. MasterDoc had me get on hands and knees and he fucked me from behind. He should be quite proud at the good fucking he gave me, there are men younger than 55 who can’t manage what he did. Rowr. Again, I came spectacularly hard to the delight of our guest. He swore that he would definitely come again for another show.

Pee-Shy

Published on November 30, 2009 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, bondage, caning, D/s, dom, edge play, embarrassment, emotions, exhibitionism, flogging, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, piss play, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, show, spanking, squirting, submissive, sybian and Uncategorized. 3 Comments

I was feeling extra shy and anxious about the show MasterDoc had planned this morning. I knew that the guy coming liked to watch women pee; he had watched DeeDee on one of her recent visits. I am super pee-shy. I get anxiety just from trying to pee in a crowded public restroom – and that’s from within a stall where I’m by myself. MasterDoc joked with me today that he wondered what my mother managed to do to me when being potty trained that I should have such anxiety issues. Max Lagos asked me on twitter why I was pee-shy. I know intellectually that we all pee, it’s no big deal, it’s merely releasing waste liquid from your body. But somehow at a deep subconscious level I feel anxious about it. It’s embarrassing. It’s something that’s supposed to be totally private. I hated hearing about DeeDee’s experience. Just hearing about it was painful.

MasterDoc reassured me that it’s not a big deal if I couldn’t manage to do it. He tried to allay my anxiety but I still thought to myself, “I need drugs! Now! Tranquilizers! Alcohol!”

When our guest showed up he asked me how the library business was. I figured MasterDoc had mentioned what I do, or the blog or something, but our guest told me that he had seen me before a while ago. It must’ve been one of the shows earlier on in my relationship with MasterDoc. I did panic for a few moments wondering if I knew him from where I work. I think I just eventually got to the point, as I was sucking MasterDoc’s cock, that I was in for a penny, in for a pound and should just go with it. Whoever this guy is he already knew I’m a submissive slut.

MasterDoc had me go back to suck his cock for a while. I had been in the middle of doing that when our guest buzzed the door. I did lots of deep throating when I went back to sucking him, and focused totally on the blow job. He had me take his cock out of my mouth for a moment and look up at him while he stroked my cheek with his cock. He had me take the head just a little bit into my mouth, still looking at him. Eye contact with MasterDoc is hot for me, but eye contact with others is really difficult.

MasterDoc bent me over the scoop on the floor. He asked if I wanted to be bound with the wrist and thigh cuffs and I said yes. Even though the position might have potentially been uncomfortable I was keen enough to try it because I’ve craved bondage. He beat me with two of the canes, the two floggers. I focused on breathing in order to deal with the pain. He told me to look at our guest, and I could barely fix my eyes on him for more than a split second. I kept closing my eyes and looking down. Eye contact is harder for me than many other things. Pee on me. Make me lick your ass. But please don’t make me make eye contact with someone I don’t know. With my anxiety level already high, it was exceptionally hard.

Apparently the flogger left a nice pattern on my upper back and the canes left a nice pattern on my butt. Unfortunately there was no camera handy. MasterDoc dipped his fingers into my cunt to see if I was wet, and I was so wet you could hear the squishing. He caned me some more and then released me from the bonds. I kept laying face down over the scoop because I didn’t want to see our guest.

MasterDoc had me sit face up with legs spread, but he let me wear a blindfold. I used my bullet vibe on my clit, and as usual I felt turned on knowing there was an audience but not being able to see said audience. MasterDoc had me turn back over. He lubed up my ass with his finger in case he decided to fuck my ass. I rubbed the vibe against clit and moaned as he fingered my ass. He backed off a bit and said, “Show me how much you want it. Show me how much you want my cock.”

I was writhing and humping the vibe. He had me get up on my knees to get fucked from behind. After some thought as to which hole he’d take, he fucked my cunt. The blindfold allowed me to relax and focus on what was going on. When he let me come I squirt a huge puddle all over pillow and rug. (Next time I will hopefully remember the throe.) He kept me coming a good long time and I squirted more than once.

After a rest, MasterDoc decided to put me on the sybian since I had been a good girl this weekend. But I first tried to nonchalantly ask if I could go use the bathroom. MasterDoc picked up on my attempt at passing it by him and right away asked me, “What for?” When I said I had to pee I covered my face with my hands and felt embarrassed. But there was no letting me off. The two men followed me into bathroom. I was instructed to sit on the toilet leaning back, with my legs spread. I tried to pee, really I did. MasterDoc asked me if I’d prefer looking at him or eyes closed. Definitely eyes closed! Our guest ran the water faucet in the sink. That didn’t help. I couldn’t help but laugh when MasterDoc added in the bathtub faucet. I struggled with trying to relax my sphincter. I shifted my weight around, put my hands up to my face; I was really fidgety. They eventually left me alone but I’m wasn’t supposed to go without letting them know. I still couldn’t pee. Several more minutes passed, and MasterDoc came in to tell me that our guest had said to let me off the hook about peeing, and get me on the sybian. MasterDoc let me pee without an audience but with my anxiety level so high I still had some trouble. Eventually, I managed to get a little out and I rejoined them in the living room.

We got me situated on the sybian. MasterDoc told me that as I’m working up to coming I can look down or at him, but when I’m ready to come I have to look at our guest as I ask permission until MasterDoc gives me permission to come. I find that even with sybian cranked up I can’t overcome my anxiety over making eye contact. It’s clear to MasterDoc that I’m overwhelmed by anxiety when I don’t come or even seem all that close to coming. He finally gives me permission to just come, and even then it takes several seconds before I can truly orgasm. I bury my head in his chest and hump the sybian as I come.

Our guest leaves after this, telling me he likes my smile as he says goodbye. I’m so embarrassed I can barely look him in the eye. I curl up on the sofa with the throe over me while MasterDoc walks him to the door. I’m feeling a little like I’m in shock, or having a touch of PTSD. I think it’s just that extreme anxiety will cause me to get a little triggered. After some talking with MasterDoc about the experience and how I felt, I calmed down and the bad feelings went away. I wonder if it would have helped to have me pee in front of MasterDoc before trying a stranger. I can pee in the same room as Davey or MasterDoc, but I have only once in my life had someone actually watch me pee. (And that was totally not erotic to me and I had a hard time then too. It was about 10 years ago with the guy who was my boyfriend at the time.) It made it even harder knowing that they (MasterDoc and guest) would enjoy seeing my embarrassment and struggle with this task. MasterDoc was not at all upset with me for not being able to do it, but the experience was stressful on the whole. Luckily, we went out for tea (sandwiches, scones and a large selection of teas to choose from) after and this very urbane meal helped me feel more centered and relaxed.

MasterDoc asked me if the experience was at least hot, and I had to admit that I was too anxious to feel turned on. The caning turned me on. Using the bullet vibe on myself turned me on, but any eye contact or pee attempts freaked me the hell out. I was feeling a little bit hot about the idea before our guest arrived. But with someone there I don’t know, I was overly anxious.