Archive for the 'Feminism' Category

Revelations (Of the Feminist and Slut Kind)

Published on June 6, 2010 in Feminism, Uncategorized, anxiety, attraction, bisexuality, emotions, foursome, libido, musings, neurosis, random thoughts, sex, sexuality, slut and swinging. 1 Comment

This is going to be a long entry. Not only did I have hot, kinky sex I want to share with you, I also had some realizations that I’m excited about too. (Ultimately, I’ve decided to make my brains’ masturbation one entry, and the actual sex another.)

I had a wonderful time yesterday – and had some revelations on what polyamory is to me. MasterDoc is poly in the sense that he likes having multiple romantic relationships concurrently. I’m poly in the sense that I prefer having one main emotional, romantic relationship and lots of friends I hang out with and fuck. Neither way is wrong, they’re just two of the many ways a person can be polyamorous. I would certainly feel affection for and care about my fuck buddies, but it would be without the intensity of a full-time relationship. I need a way to get my insane sexual needs/desires met, but I’m not really looking for another relationship. I’ve been going about things all wrong. I’ve been looking on okcupid for a woman to date. I should be looking on craigslist for a woman to FUCK.

I think I hesitate to admit that sort of thing, because then I come across as a stereotypical bisexual woman. But fuck that, I may be a bit of a stereotype at times, but I should go for what I want. (And like most stereotypes, I’m not 100% of the stereotype anyway. I can fall in love with and have a relationship with a woman, but I’d much prefer a female friend who loves to fuck and hang out with me.) I worry that I make other bi women look bad by fitting the stereotype – but there are plenty of bisexual women who can have romantic, emotional relationships with women (monogamous ones even!) but I’m not one who wants that.

Kinda hard to admit what you want is what has been vilified. It’s really hard to know that the lesbians who won’t date bisexual women will look at me and say, “See! She’s why I won’t date bi women!” I am not, however, all bisexual women. I am just me.

Yesterday we had over a woman MasterDoc found on craigslist. Just reading her ad made me think she’s a kindred spirit – and meeting her cemented that. I found myself feeling so excited to meet her, but I didn’t want to show it because while here she told us about a woman who got too clingy and she had to stop seeing because that’s not what she wants. The thing is, I’m so excited about meeting her BECAUSE she doesn’t want a relationship with a woman. To have a partner in crime who is bisexual, horny, kinky and adventurous would be fabulous. She’s smart, has an offbeat sense of humor – definitely the kind of person I want to be friends with. I’m hoping she’d be up for the same, but I realize that I have to be laid back about it lest I come across as wanting more than I actually do. But I would just like to be able to call on her and say, “Hey I have a night alone, want to come over, hang out and fuck?” And if she’s free that night (she does have  boyfriend, and I think that should come first just like my relationship with MasterDoc comes first for me) then she can come over, chill out and get freaky.

It was so exciting to have that epiphany. I hold back from dating others for many reasons despite feeling frustrated and like I need more sex and more companionship, and I’ve realized that one of them is that I don’t want another emotionally intense, romantic relationship. I want a fuck buddy, a friend with benefits. Time to re-evaluate my dating strategy.

My other grand epiphany has been developing over the past week or so. We’re all so mired in the “stories” that society tells us, that even progressive feminists can fall prey to the narratives we’re told – despite them not being true. I’m often intimidated by thin women. (And I started feeling that way with our guest – she’s quite slender.) I think that thinness is so beloved in our culture that why would someone who has that want me? But that’s bullshit. I like a lot of different people – and someone being smart, funny and sexually adventurous is FAR MORE important to me than them fitting a societal body ideal. And why the fuck can’t I accept that there are thin women who feel the same way? I have such terrible self-esteem most of the time, that it had never occurred to me before – I am one of those smart, kinky, adventurous, fun people I think are so fucking sexy. Why the hell wouldn’t other people find me sexy? Sure, no one is ever going to be attractive to everyone, but I don’t give myself enough credit for my good points.

At one point I was chatting with our new pal (I’m hoping she’ll come back, she was loads of fun) while MasterDoc played with DeeDee in the next room. And I told her about the realization I had recently through a thread on fetlife and talking to someone on twitter – misogyny and the hatred of women’s bodies is so widespread that thin women deal with tons of shit about their bodies too. In the feminist movement these days we focus a lot on fat positivity, but we often do it in a way that reacts negatively to our sisters who more closely fit the “perfect” body. I forget, however, that the “perfect” body is so fucking specific that even someone who seems to fit it more closely than me can suffer from worries that they’re not the “perfect” one. Sure thinness is desired, but so are big boobs – and plenty of thin women have smaller breasts. We want this “perfect” combination of ultra thin yet curvy – and that’s not a look most people’s bodies fall into naturally. Also, I lose sight of the fact that even if someone does fit this norm, it doesn’t mean they buy into it, it doesn’t mean they can’t like me. Sure, some people are body conscious and only want to fuck other “hot” people, but I can’t assume because a woman is hot that she won’t find me to be very sexy or she can’t struggle with her own sense of body-positivity. (I need to realize this about men too.)

I’ve been so fucked up by the pervasive culture we live in that I have lost sight of these things. And when I told our new pal this yesterday she enthusiastically agreed with me that thin women get all sorts of shit about their bodies too. Misogyny is an attack on women, and part of the attack strategy is to make chubby women think that thin women are the enemy. I’ve often rejected a thin, pretty woman before she had a chance to reject me – and stupidly have ruined chances with women I might have had a great time with. I have no concept of a hot woman wanting to fuck me, but Jesus, aren’t I selling myself short? I’m buying into the societal narrative too much myself.

We had such a wonderful adventure with our new friend yesterday (I keep hoping friend is the right word – it could turn out to be a one-off but I’m hoping it’s not) that it merits its own entry. Coming up next: the hot sex foursome.

Why I Think the Concept of Privilege is Not “Bullshit”

Published on February 20, 2010 in Feminism, Uncategorized, blogs, library and musings. 6 Comments

I’ve been giving quite a bit of thought to both Champagne and Benezdrine’s post on privilege being “bullshit” and Britni’s response to it. My opinion falls on the side of Britni’s argument, and it’s not only from my exposure to feminist theory, it’s also due to classes I’ve taken on serving the underprivileged (hey, there’s that word with a prefix!) in the library. It’s difficult to see our privilege as we’re surrounded mostly by others in our same situation. If we’re middle class and white, we tend to find ourselves around other people who are at least one or the other of those things.

In the classes I took on serving the underprivileged, the point was made that values and experiences are so completely different. When you’re poor, you focus on learning “the system” so you can get the assistance you need (doled out by people of the middle class usually), this takes precedence over things like reading for personal enrichment. The middle class, however, has the luxury to make education and upward mobility a priority. They have enough resources that they don’t have to spend their time worrying how to get medical assistance with no money or insurance, or how to get enough food when their job doesn’t pay enough. The middle class, blind to their advantages, look down on the working class as not trying to better themselves when that’s not the reality.

In the public library, this tends to play out in the following way: the librarians are by majority middle class. They have had the opportunity to go to graduate school for their degree and they live in middle class neighborhoods and are, by vast majority, white. The paraprofessionals at the library vary from middle class to working class. The library patrons are usually working class or middle class, but how they use the library is often very different. (And Champers, you’re right that this is not an absolute, nothing is, but it’s very often true.) For the middle class, like myself, the library is chiefly a place where you can get books and knowledge to help further yourself (or for entertainment) and it’s a bonus that you can get other materials like DVDs and CDs. For a working class person, the library is chiefly a place where you can get internet access, which you can’t afford at home and ever-increasingly need to apply for jobs that don’t even require use of the computer at work. DVDs and other entertainment are important because you can’t afford it otherwise, and hell, being underprivileged you quite possibly need the escapism more than the middle class who can afford other forms of entertainment.

Looking at privilege is a difficult thing. In reading the articles that Britni linked, the one on white privilege made me really uncomfortable at many points. It’s hard to admit that you have advantages due to the lottery of your birth. A feeling of guilt often comes along with this. But it’s important to look at so you can work on bridging those advantages and bringing people of various classes together, not keeping them set apart. Of course, being of the dominant class there’s an impetus to keep the status quo, after all you benefit.

In thinking about this before I started writing, I realized a place where my privilege is showing – computer knowledge. I get frustrated with people who come to the library and need their hands held through basic tasks on the computer. I think to myself, “It’s 2010! Who doesn’t know how to use a computer or surf the ‘net?? Why haven’t we all learned by now? Why aren’t they asking me reference questions – it’s what I trained for!” This shows my privilege by the fact that as a middle class, white woman I have been exposed to computers in my office jobs and at college and I’ve had the money to purchase my own computers and internet service to use at home. However, others are not as fortunate and they rely on the library to help bridge that gap for them. By my looking down on those who are still new to using computers in this day and age I’m helping to keep them down – if they can see my disdain at helping them, they’re less likely to seek my help – and therefore less likely to get help and get the opportunity to rise up to the level of knowledge I have. In this situation, yes, I am a bit of an asshole. Not intentionally, but the whole point of discussing privilege is to make me aware of this so I don’t continue to act like an asshole and in the process help keep others down.

Champers, as an Englishman, I would think that you’d be a bit more aware of class differences than an American. The class system tries to blur itself in the US, but it’s still very much here, in the UK it’s more overt. In a class system (be it based on socieoeconomic status, skin color, gender, sexual orientation, etc.) the dominant class has an interest in keeping things the same. This will blind them to their privilege – however I think where Champers and others like him go wrong is that they then take this concept to be a personal attack – when it’s not personal at all. I’m not saying people with privilege (in many ways myself among them) are simply (and in all situations) assholes, not at all. They are people who are fortunate who need to become aware of how they are fortunate in ways that are not rational or fair.

Looking at one’s privilege is uncomfortable. It’s hard to acknowledge the unfairness in the system when that unfairness benefits you. The goal of talking about privilege is not to berate those who have it, the goal is consciousness raising (much like the feminists of the 70s) so that we can see where our advantages are creating disadvantages for others.

I think for those on the other side of privilege (such as when I, as a woman, read the article on male privilege) it’s obvious the myriad subtle (and not subtle) ways in which they’re oppressed. They live it every day. It’s easier to acknowledge when privilege oppresses rather than benefits you. When you try to point these things out to the dominant class, they get defensive. I think Champers is an intelligent and well-meaning person who strives to be decent to all. However, his privilege still blinds him at times. (And again, this does not personally make you an asshole, Champers. This is just something to examine. I may act like an asshole sometimes due to my privilege of computer knowledge, but ultimately I’m someone who strives to treat all equally. I strive to make library service accessible and as helpful to everyone as possible. But my privilege does blind me.)

The biggest privilege of all is the privilege to not see the privilege you have. Those who don’t have it, have no choice but to see they don’t have it. Champers, it’s pretty fucking ridiculous to compare the “female privilege” of being bought drinks at a bar to the male privilege of earning enough to do so easily. It’s absurd to say that because I’m seen as a sexual object (being female and all) and can then get out of speeding tickets (not that I’m hot enough to do that. I’m not. Unattractive, or average, women have less privilege than attractive ones.) that this is a wonderful thing.

Champers, by focusing on the ways in which you don’t have privilege, you help perpetuate the ways in which you do have privilege. By focusing on, “Look at me! I’m a white male and I have to bust my ass to feed my family!” helps distract us from the fact that a black man in the same situation will have to deal with a myriad of other difficulties and oppressions on top of that. By arguing that privilege doesn’t exist, you are helping perpetuate it and keep your place of dominance – whatever dominance you manage to have even though you’re not way at the top of the dominant group. The point of talking about privilege is not to confine us to where we were born, but to make all of us aware of how we oppress others. Practically all of us have some sort of privilege to look at – some of us more than others. Whining about how men don’t have the option to have babies (oh poor men!) helps cloud the fact that the ability of having babies comes with myriad disadvantages in life. It’s interesting that those who supported your post are by and large – like you – the people who have the most to gain by keeping the status quo.

You’re not bad people, but you are blind. Time to wake up. We’re not trying to berate you, we’re trying to help you see the folly of your ways so you can join us as an ally.

Rape Culture and Triggers

Published on December 20, 2009 in Feminism, Uncategorized, anxiety, assault, consensual non-consent, depression, emotions, rape, recovery and trauma. 16 Comments

*trigger warning*

Earlier today, MasterDoc showed me something on fetlife that he thought was sick and twisted, but sorta funny. I won’t put it here since that would require me looking for it, and that would not be good for me to do. I cannot read it again. To sum up: it was a sp0of on “Twas the Night Before Christmas,” a rhyming tale of a man who chloroforms his wife, invites his girlfriend in to help him fuck his wife while she’s unconscious, (the wife comes in the story while she’s unconscious), he slips her a roofie when she starts to come to, films the entire thing, and then when she gets up in the morning and relates to him the “dream” she had, he tells her that wow, that sounds hot, wish I could have been there. Now, granted, different people read things differently. I had to point out to MasterDoc the fact that nowhere in there was any indication at all that this was consensual. No indication to the reader that this was a D/s relationship where consent has already been given for activities like this. Call me a stuffy old feminist assault survivor, but I don’t find rape funny. He had assumed consent, but when I pointed this out he read it again and agreed, there was no clear, or even implied consent. (And the whole bit about her coming during the assault is typical “women enjoy being raped” bullshit.)

I wasn’t inclined to post a comment myself, as I’ve seen too often that women will be dismissed as lacking a sense of humor for calling this shit out. But as a survivor of non-consensual sex I was really upset after reading this. I burst into tears while talking to MasterDoc about it. It’s an indication of the rape culture we live in that this is seen as humorous and acceptable by otherwise reasonable people. (Someone else we know posted a positive comment on this thread. Women posted positive comments on this thread.) MasterDoc decided to post a comment pointing out the problems with the post but the thread owner opted to delete it. He did, however, write to MasterDoc essentially explaining that he thinks that people on fetlife are all adults and able to look at a poem like that and appreciate that it’s not non-consensual. I disagree.

I wondered aloud if the following poem would have gotten the same level of appreciation: a woman chloroforms her husband without his consent, ties him up, invites in some guys to peg his ass while he’s unconscious, and then she lets him think that the whole experience was a dream (but meanwhile she’s filmed it). Would people find that as amusing? But you know, I don’t think that would ever be put out there as humor. I also think that most people are so conditioned by the rape culture that only other survivors would “get” the problem with it. (I worry that the scenario I just related would trigger a man who’s experienced sexual violence.)

The triggering for me was the way that raping the woman was treated like a big joke. When I was assaulted and wrote on my old blog about it, while most people were appalled at what happened one or two told me that I was blowing it out of proportion. They basically told me that I didn’t have the right to feel traumatized. That it wasn’t assault. The guy who did it to me tried to convince me that it was just an “accident.” While I did get support, the few people who dismissed my trauma as inconsequential did a tremendous amount of damage to me.

In all fairness, I don’t think there was any malice in the posting on fetlife. Not true malice. And MasterDoc felt terrible for showing it to me and said that he should have known better. I’m not at all mad at him as he had no intent of harming me. (Had he thought for a second that this post would upset me so, he would have never showed it to me.) I don’t think the author meant to convey a true non-consensual experience. After all, I can understand the fantasy of intoxication play – where one partner is heavily intoxicated, consensually, and the other person then has their way with them. Done consensually, I could find that really hot. Some people would still be triggered by this.

Driving home today, I started thinking that perhaps I was too sensitive about this. After all, the guy tells the wife that her story is so hot when she relates it to him; one would hope that if she was anything but enthusiastic about her “dream” he wouldn’t say that. But I don’t know – am I thinking this only because I’ve been conditioned as a woman not to cause shit? I’m not naive enough to think that the world is safe and that I shouldn’t ever come across something thoughtless and triggering. Shit happens. And what triggers me won’t trigger the next person, and vice versa. (Over on Shakesville this week there was an open thread about bdsm. I enjoyed reading the discussion concerning bdsm and feminism. But the moderator had to shut down the thread because she was triggered. And I think if she was triggered she totally did the right thing – took care of herself. Just because it didn’t trigger me doesn’t mean it can’t trigger someone else who has had different experiences.) But I do think that times like this are valuable moments to raise the consciousness of others.

“I think the sun shines out of your ass…”

Published on September 24, 2009 in Feminism, Uncategorized, analingus, cunt, depression, dom, kink, masturbation, porn, shio and squirting. 1 Comment

“but I still  don’t want to lick it.”

This was the prize-winning line from Tuesday night. As I looked adoringly at MasterDoc, I realized that in some respects I really do think the sun shines out of his ass. But then that got me thinking – I’m still not keen on analingus – so despite the blinding light coming out of his ass (figuratively) it still doesn’t entice me to stick my tongue up it.

Tuesday was a very silly evening. It was lighthearted and very much what I needed as I slowly began to come out of my depression. He never put my collar on and that was good so I could feel free to laugh and joke and just plain relax. We laughed really hard – something we do often and I don’t know if I capture it here. MasterDoc has noticed that orgasms tend to improve my mood (hell, whose mood don’t they improve?) and he used the acuvibe on my clit and cunt. He made me come so hard, and for so long, that I could barely breathe and I wondered if he’d make me come until I passed out. The idea of it was a teeny bit scary but also exciting as hell. When he was done with me, I hadn’t passed out, but I was gasping for breath and very, very happy. A huge puddle was under my ass on the throe.

After his very busy weekend of sex he wasn’t really looking for it himself, but he decided he did want to come. We didn’t fuck this week, but he did make sure that I was well taken care of. We had porn on at either corner of the mat, and he watched some porn while he stroked his cock. For once, (finally!) I took initiative and started to lick his inner thighs. This clearly felt good, so I kept going. I licked right behind his balls and pressed my tongue against his perineum. I pressed my face deep against his crotch, practically licking his ass, but stopping short of it. I massaged his ass cheeks and was clearly adding to his masturbation. I felt really proud that finally I wasn’t so damn passive, and I made him very happy. He told me I did a good job a few times afterwards. I kept playing with him until he came, and then did the slow pressing from perineum, up between the balls and up the midline of the cock – and a final spurt of come came out.

I was feeling so much better after that evening. Plus I knew I had another evening coming the next night.

The porn I watched during the evening ran towards kinky porn (what else?) where the sub acted like they didn’t want to do whatever was being done to them. I like this fantasy sometimes – the idea of being “made” to do something. It would certainly be role play as I’m always keen to suck MasterDoc’s cock, but it’s something I’d like to do sometime – resist a little. Have him get a little rough with me. Rowr. Pretend that I don’t want all that he’s giving me; all that, deep down, I crave.

Book Review: Healing Sex

Published on September 7, 2009 in Feminism, anxiety, assault, bdsm, bisexuality, embarrassment, emotions, fantasy, kink, lesbian, libido, masturbation, rape, recovery, reviews, sex, sex toys, sexuality, trauma and trust. 0 Comments

When Babeland offered Staci Haines’ Healing Sex for review, I decided to snap it up. You see, after I was sexually assaulted in 2005, a friend at that time had Haines’ Healing Sex DVD and lent it to me sometime in the months following the assault. While Haines’ focus is on survivors of childhood sexual abuse, her techniques can definitely be applied to recovering from any sort of sexual trauma. I remembered the DVD as being insightful, so I was happy for the chance to read and own Haines’ book.

Staci Haines specializes in the somatic approach – “an educational and transformational approach that assumes that the body, mind and emotions are one interconnected biological system.” (p. 15) She discusses a great deal the concepts of being aware of what you’re feeling, or indeed being aware if you’ve dissociated and stopped feeling. Being present during your sexual experiences is a major first step towards healing. Being aware of your body and reactions helps get you away from dissociating – “checking out” – during sex.

Haines is realistic about the conflicting emotions that survivors may feel – they may feel guilt or shame when they feel sexual pleasure, they may love and hate their perpetrator at the same time. Being triggered during sex with a partner may cause a survivor to take their anger out on their partner. She doesn’t paint a picture of recovery as being all hearts and flowers – but she does point you towards the wonderful future you can have if you take the time to heal. As they say, nothing worth doing is ever easy.

The approach is entirely sex-positive. She explores different types of sexual expression, everything from oral sex to S/M and in between. There’s chapters on sexual anatomy, creating boundaries for yourself, partnered sex, navigating your way through triggers and how to work on healing them, and even the use of sex toys. Many of these chapters have interesting sex-positive information that would be useful for anyone. (The book is aimed at women survivors, of any sexual orientation.) While she discusses the problem of survivors sometimes becoming sexually compulsive in reaction to the abuse, she makes clear the point that being a fully realized sexual woman with a stronger sex drive than our society thinks you should have is NOT the same as being compulsive. She then goes on to discuss the real difficulties with actual compulsion. She also doesn’t glamorize sex as being the perfect image we see in porn or read about in books. Haines is clear that we bring our quirky human selves to our sex lives – there will be times when things go wrong and you and your partner end up laughing. Sometimes you may need to stop the action for a time and get back to it after dealing with difficult memories.  There’s even a chapter for partners of sexual abuse survivors.

The final chapter in the book is a phenomenal collection of resources – everything from healing sexual trauma, to dealing with any sort of trauma, to women-friendly sex-positive sex toy stores (Babeland is on the list).

One minor gripe: this book has more than an average number of typos that were not caught and fixed. If you’re a grammar nut like me this may irritate the heck out of you.

Ageism and Sexuality

Published on July 1, 2009 in Feminism, musings, sex, sex parties, sexuality and swinging. 1 Comment

Over the past couple of years, I’ve been forced to confront my own ageism. You can’t date (and swing with) someone 18 years your senior without getting a good long look about your ingrained thoughts on aging and sex. We live in a society where older people, particularly older women, are desexualized. A woman past menopause is seen as fairly asexual. And it’s assumed that older men can’t get it up, but they can sometimes be “dirty old men” leering at attractive young women (which is considered kinda gross but expected – at least men get to retain some sex drive!).

What’s up with that? Our sexuality doesn’t automatically turn off at a certain age. I read a letter to Dear Abby a short while ago from a couple in their 80s who are enjoying a robust sex life, and they wanted to know how to keep their kids and grandkids from dropping by unannounced while they’re having sex. I thought this was fantastic. But when I saw a woman, probably in her mid to late 60s at the party we attended last Saturday, I thought (and said to MasterDoc), “Oh my god that woman’s so old!” MD didn’t take kindly to that comment seeing as he’s about 10-15 years away from that woman’s age. I tried to back track, “But, she looks like someone’s grandmother. I don’t expect someone’s grandmother to be at a swing/bdsm party.” He asked me, “Why not?” And I had to pause. Why not indeed?

While this woman’s wrinkled face gave away her age, she was in good shape and fashionably dressed. But even if she wasn’t, why the hell shouldn’t she experience and express her sexuality? Why was I putting her into this category of someone who shouldn’t be at a swing party? (I don’t go around thinking fat people shouldn’t be at swing parties, for instance. Lucky for me, seeing as I’m overweight.) It unfortunately comes down to my unconsciously buying into the societal idea that older people aren’t/shouldn’t be sexual. And there’s an added layer – we perceive older people being sexual as being “disgusting.” Why is that? Jeez, I hope that when I’m older I still have an active sex life. I don’t plan to dry up and wither away at age 60 or something. What is disgusting about an older person receiving pleasure? (We’re taught that only young bodies are attractive and that older bodies are unattractive.) While my brain still puts forth all these ageist ideas, at least now I’m looking at them, and pondering why I think that way and if I really should think that way.

It’s about time we let seniors be sexual. I’m going to work on my own negative reactions and try to overcome the stigma I’ve learned. I don’t expect it to improve over night, but it’s been gradually wearing away over the past couple of years.

Feminism and Submission

Published on January 7, 2009 in Feminism and submissive. 0 Comments

Just came across this article on a fetlife chat board regarding feminism and submission. I think it makes some very interesting points about how chosen submission (because it turns you on) is an act of empowerment, but that bdsm when played out in mainstream culture (where the rules of safe, sane, consensual are not necessarily known) does run the risk of perpetuating rape culture. But yes, as I’ve said before, being a submissive is not contrary to being a feminist. And BDSM in and of itself is not responsible for perpetuating rape culture, just the misappropriation of it is.

Sarah Palin – the Anti-Feminist

Published on September 11, 2008 in Feminism and politics. 0 Comments

Of course, this is a sex blog and not a political platform. But as someone who is a staunch feminist, in favor of accurate and complete sex education in the schools, pro-birth control being easily accessible, pro-choice, I must in good conscience speak out about Sarah Palin. My emotions run high on this subject as she has clearly been chosen because she’s female, while also being the most anti-female person they could have possibly picked. The idea of her in the White House scares the shit out of me.

Gloria Steinem wrote a good piece in the LA Times.

And the blog Sexy Whispers has posted the following:

Women Against Sarah Palin

Friends, compatriots, fellow-lamenters,

We are writing to you because of the fury and dread we have felt since the announcement of Sarah Palin as the Vice-Presidential candidate for the Republican Party. We believe that this terrible decision has surpassed mere partisanship and that it is a dangerous farce on the part of a pandering and rudderless Presidential candidate that has a real possibility of becoming fact.

Perhaps like us, as American women, you share the fear of what Ms. Palin and her professed beliefs and proven record could lead to for ourselves and for our present or future daughters. To date, she is against sex education, birth control, the pro-choice platform, environmental protection, alternative energy development, freedom of speech (as mayor she wanted to ban books and attempted to fire the librarian who stood against her), gun control, the separation of church and state, and polar bears. To say nothing of her complete lack of real preparation to become the second-most-powerful person on the planet.

We want to clarify that we are not against Sarah Palin as a woman, a mother, or, for that matter, a parent of a pregnant teenager, but solely as a rash, incompetent, and all together devastating choice for Vice President. Ms. Palin’s political views are in every way a slap in the face to the accomplishments that our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers so fiercely fought for, and that we’ve so demonstrably benefited from.

First and foremost, Ms. Palin does not represent us. She does not demonstrate or uphold our interests as American women. It is presumed that the inclusion of a woman on the Republican ticket could win over women voters. We want to disagree, publicly. Therefore, we invite you to reply to womensaynopalin@gmail.com with a short, succinct message about why you, as a woman living in this country, do not support this candidateas second-in-command for our nation.

Please include your name (last initial is fine), age, and place of residence.

We will post your responses on a blog called ‘Women Against Sarah Palin.’ Please send us your reply at your earliest convenience as the greater the volume of responses we receive, the stronger our message will be.

Thank you for your time and action.

VIVA!

Feminism and Submission

Published on April 8, 2008 in Feminism and bdsm. 5 Comments

Feminism and submission. I’ve talked about these two things before and I’m sure combined it’s a topic I’ll visit time and time again. I struggle with it, but not in the way that I find the two mutually exclusive. I don’t and I am comfortable with the fact that I’m a submissive feminist. However, I do wonder about how to explain this to the world. While I feel comfortable with both aspects of my personality, I don’t know how to explain why I’m comfortable.

As a feminist, I believe that women are equal to men. I believe that women should have the right to embrace their sexuality in whatever form it comes. But what happens when your sexuality isn’t politically correct? How can I say that women are equal to men when I choose to submit to a man? I think the answer lies in the fact that I’ve made choices. I’ve freely made decisions that work for me. I get totally hot submitting. I’m wired in such a way that kink turns me on. Ultimately, I don’t feel that my submission is about gender inequality – particularly since as a bisexual woman I’d gladly submit to a woman instead of a man if that’s who I ended up being with. I don’t feel that men are superior to me. I don’t submit due to any notion of their being superior. I submit because it gets me off. I submit because I feel comfortable and free being a submissive.

And as a feminist, isn’t it important that I stay true to my sexual expression? Being a Domme doesn’t turn me on. Being equal doesn’t turn me on (not like being submissive does). Being told what to do gets me hot. Giving up control is a choice I make. I have the luxury of making this a choice in my life because I live in a country where women are essentially free. (Oh sexism still runs rampant and affects women very deeply. I can see that clearly. I’ve seen it in my own life in various forms.) I continue to be a feminist and fight for the right of women to choose not to be submissive because the choice should be there, but why can’t I choose to be submissive? This post was inspired by a call for submissions for the Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy over at Labyrinth Walk. There, Meghan Rose asks, “Do we have a responsibility to all women through our sexual choices, or only to ourselves?” and therein lies my quandary. As a feminist, do I have responsibility to always exercise autonomy over my sexuality? It sounds contradictory, but in my submission I AM exercising my autonomy. Consensual power exchange makes me happy. I see the strength in submission. Subjugating your wants to serve people you care about is ultimately a part of life for most people, regardless of their sexual orientation. To be a parent you have to submit to the needs of your children. There’s strength in forgetting your wants and serving others – being selfish is far easier. I am a strong, intelligent, independent woman and choosing to submit requires the use of my strength and intelligence. I’m exercising my independence by choosing to submit in certain areas of my life.

Do I worry that being sub would be a bad example for young women? Considering the fact that I don’t exhibit signs of being a sub in public other than at play parties I don’t see that to be an issue. I’m not a 24/7 submissive, but some of the traits I exhibit while being submissive – being caring, thoughtful, of service and somewhat selfless (I say somewhat because being submissive is ultimately a selfish act for me as I get off on it.) are all traits I’d like to see instilled in any young person – male or female. Being a sub doesn’t mean you’re a doormat. Being Dom doesn’t mean being a selfish prick. A Dom and sub can be examples of how to be a decent person even within their roles. A good Dom/me takes care of their submissive and watches out for their well being, providing support and advice when needed. A good sub watches out for their Dom in subtle ways, making sure to do things just as the Dom likes and anticipating their needs. As in any relationship, both play their part to make the relationship mutually satisfying to both involved. Even within the equal relationship I have with Davey, I submit in little ways because I care about him. I make sure to do my half of the chores. I compromise to strengthen the relationship and make him happy (thereby making me happy in the process). We all make sacrifices for the people we care about, be they in a romantic/sexual relationship or a family/friendship one.

Being a sub doesn’t mean I’m a lesser human being. It just means I get off on pretending I’m lesser and giving over control to another person. I can still be a feminist and get horny being a sub.

Feminism is Sexy

Published on October 18, 2007 in Feminism and sexy thoughts. 0 Comments

Something I’ve long suspected: Feminists Have More Fun.

Feminism boosts sexual satisfaction for both men and women, a new study suggests.

Busting stereotypes that peg feminists as ugly lesbians, a new study shows that having a feminist partner is linked with healthier, more romantic heterosexual relationships.

Well of course! When a woman is strong, comfortable with her body and her worth as a woman, good sex is bound to follow. Hooray for the sexy feminists!