Archive for the 'fantasy' Category

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Reflections on the Week

Published on September 5, 2009 in anxiety, assault, bdsm, caning, D/s, fantasy, libido, musings, optimism, random thoughts, recovery and sexuality. 2 Comments

I’ve had a busy week, alas I don’t have a lot of stories to share but MasterDoc and I had good sex and a caning on Wednesday night. (Again I had to reflect on how some pain pushes me harder into orgasm, but some pain, this time his fingernails digging into my ass, can push me away from orgasm.) Since I won’t be seeing him too often this month it was kinda like a little sending off I suppose. Still, I’m sure it will turn out that I will see him a good amount – after all I should still see him one or two nights a week – not bad! Yesterday he took me to get a gastroscopy done. I was nervous, as I tend to be with any procedure, but I have to say that propofol is the shit. Yes, that’s the drug Michael Jackson took that ultimately led to his demise, but he combined it with a bunch other stuff. I went into this procedure with an entirely empty stomach and no medications since the evening before. Propofol knocked me out nearly instantaneously. (I watched the anesthesiologist inject it into the line in my arm and then all went hazy seconds later.) I felt like I was still just falling asleep as I became aware of MasterDoc standing next to me – and the mouth guard, IV line, blood pressure cuff and oxygen tubing that had just been on me seemingly a second ago, were gone. I have absolutely no recollection of the procedure. Nice! (No wonder they call propofol “milk of amnesia.”) I go back to the gastroenterologist in a couple of weeks to hear about the bits that were taken from my esophagus for further testing. But overall the whole thing went well.

I’ve kept mostly private about issues I’ve had with Davey, and I don’t want to go into details here (sorry, some things I do keep to myself) but we had a breakthrough in our sexual issues on Tuesday night. (No small thanks due to MasterDoc.) I’m feeling better about things than I have in months (the only real issues we’ve had have all been sexual or related to the sexual issues) and hopefully things will get better now. I may write in more detail at a later date, but for now I’d like to keep quiet about it.

With MasterDoc gone, I hope to explore here some fantasies of mine – and share them with you of course. Ever since Floating World my mind has been filled with dirty, kinky fantasies and I need to get them out of me. I think I might somewhat be in subfrenzy, lusting after all sort of kinkiness – desperate to make all my fantasies come true. This month would be a good time to calm down and reflect. Luckily, I’m already with MasterDoc, and he wouldn’t let me go overboard in exploring my fantasies.

Soon, I will write and post a review on Staci Haines’ Healing Sex, a book which I’m finding very enlightening. It’s taking me into my sexuality in a new way, and despite the focus being healing from sexual trauma, I find myself looking at other issues I’ve had since before being raped at age 25 and sexually assaulted at 32 – issues with speaking up about what I want, not saying no when I’d really like to, and other things. It should produce a thoughtful post in the near future. I also have another dyke porn dvd to review – rowr. How I’ve held off watching it this long is beyond me.

So stay tuned, more of the dirty, sexual talk you’ve come to love and expect from me will ensue. For now, enjoy your Labor Day weekend and make some stories of your own!

Intense Fantasies and Real Play

Published on July 21, 2009 in bdsm, blow jobs, cunnilingus, D/s, edge play, embarrassment, fantasy, horny, kink, masochism, orgasm on command, piss play, sadism, sex and submissive. 1 Comment

MasterDoc and I played a bit last night. My mind has been racing lately with really dirty, fucked up fantasies. I keep hoping for stuff I don’t really hope for. I guess I should explain that. Lately I find that I get hot thinking about MasterDoc making me do things I don’t really want to do. In the back of my mind is a secret wish for him to get out the clover clamps, or pee on me and such. It seems like the dirtier and more intense, the more I want it. And yet, I’ve been so afraid to ask for it because then I have to endure stuff I’m not fond of. But of course, the hot part is that I’d be doing it because he makes me do it. I want to feel fear. I want to feel the strain of forcing myself to do something I detest. I want to feel that he truly has control over me.

He stroked my body and played with my nipples a bit. He caressed my face just before coming up with the wicked idea that he’ll take me to see his Domme friend sometime soon. She’s apparently quite the sadist, and he says that he’d like to see how far I have to be pushed before I beg for it to stop. With him I might feel like I’m letting him down if I beg to stop (on rare occasions I have though… once or twice) so it might be better with his friend. Of course he’d be there to be a part of things, probably stroking my face, helping me breathe slowly to take as much of the pain as I can.

And while this scares me, and I know I’ll be nervous when it comes to pass, I am also wildly turned on by this.

Heh, I remember the days when I didn’t consider myself a pain slut. I just didn’t have the right person to play with before I think.

He slapped my face a bit and played with my body some more. He looked at me, said, “You’re smiling too much. Thinking good thoughts?” Just as I got the words, “Yes Sir” out, he started slapping my thighs. Not lightly, but really hard so that I tensed up and my face scrunched up in pain. He told me I didn’t have enough fear. After the thigh slaps and some pussy slaps, I certainly wasn’t smiling any more.

He started playing with my clit and got between my legs to lick it. Oh I shivvered with delight. His tongue, slowly lapping at my clit, felt amazing. My breathing became shallow and I could feel the slow climb to orgasm start. I think it’s ridiculous that some people say Doms don’t/shouldn’t do oral on their subs. I am putty in his hands as he licks my cunt. He lay next to me, and played with my clit with his fingers. He’d dip down into my wetness to make sure that my clit stayed properly lubricated. My eyes closed involuntarily and my breath came in short pants. This went on for a while, and I could feel myself ready to come. When he told me I could come, I cried out and came hard. He kept playing with my cunt and I was uncontrollably turned on under his expert fingers. I orgasmed for quite a while. He seemed happy that he got me away from the magic wand for a change and that I came no less hard using just his fingers.

We took a break, and when we started up again I got to suck his cock. Lately I find myself getting really turned on and really into sucking his cock. I moan with delight, slurp, salivate and get as active as possible in sliding my mouth up and down the length of his shaft. I find lately that I yearn for him to grab my head during and make me choke on his cock. My fantasies have been getting decidedly rougher and more intense.

He had me get on top for a ride and I stroked his cock with my pussy by moving my hips back and forth. I get lost in what I’m doing, and soon all that exists for me is my cunt, and his cock and perhaps my clit rubbing against this tummy. It seemed like I rode him for a long time, keeping my arousal high but not coming. When I was allowed to come, my cunt pushed his cock out and I fell forward onto him and continued coming as he held me. I do wish my cunt wouldn’t push his cock out though – coming while filled up is a wonderful feeling.

I’m a bit nervous now that I’ve started to voice my twisted fantasies here. While I yearn for them I also am a little afraid of them, and I think the fear is part of what makes me aroused.

Horniness

Published on April 18, 2009 in bdsm, bisexuality, D/s, fantasy, horny, masochism, masturbation, porn, sex and sex parties. 0 Comments

I don’t know what’s with me this week, I’m so horny. I think it might be the bdsm porn I keep watching. I masturbated to a few hard orgasms this morning and I can’t wait until tonight – I’m going to a party with MasterDoc. I should be on my best behavior because then I’m more likely to get lots of cock and pussy. Rowr. This morning I used my bullet vibe but also my Lelo Liv to get myself off. The Liv hits my g-spot and the bullet vibrates my clit. I got really, really wet. I’m glad I put a towel down on the couch. Watching bdsm porn turns me on so much that I can’t help but play with myself. I feel ravenously horny and ready to take on as many people as possible tonight. I’m also really in the mood to submit. I want to wear my collar and serve MasterDoc. I want to be patient and never whiny. God, submission turns me on so much. I really need a beating. I really need tons orgasms. I’m so hungry for sex.

I’ve really enjoyed the two Training of Delilah Strong videos that are posted on Tnaflix. First off, she’s hot, secondly it’s wonderful to watch her face as she goes from pain to smiling while she’s beaten. I love seeing her struggle and imagining myself in her position (not that I can hold the positions she does, girl is younger and in much better shape than I am). I want to be used like a whore tonight. I want to be fucked over and over again.

Did I mention I’m horny?

Bad Girls

Published on November 23, 2007 in bdsm and fantasy. 0 Comments

I miss Davey. Home seems so lonely without him here. I spent much of the day watching a Bad Girls marathon. I’m so hooked on that show. It’s a British women in prison drama so it has a few of my favorite things: Brits, cute women and women kissing.

There’s a lot of kinky possibilities in the prison scenario. Lots of D/s possibilities. I like the image of being handcuffed, forced to strip and then roughly and thoroughly searched. My fantasy doesn’t go much beyond that, but there’s the whole being dominated, humiliated and handled rough packed into one fantasy.

Chat

Published on October 31, 2007 in chatting, fantasy and sex. 1 Comment

D.S. helped amuse me (read: get me really horny) at work today. I snipped out a few less interesting bits:

nadia: i’m so bored at work these days

d.s.: i’m sure you are.

nadia:

d.s.: -gets out stripper pole yet again- (he pretends to strip for me when I’m bored)

nadia: whoo hooo!

d.s.:

nadia: hee hee

d.s.: i’d rather just have you on a table, actually

nadia: oooh

nadia:

nadia: well if we’re going to be invisible in this little fantasy you can just take me right over my desk

d.s.: that works! pull you up to to the end of the desk, get on my knees on the floor and lick little circles around your clit, my fingers inside you and your legs over my shoulders

nadia: hmm i’ll have to see if perhaps the weekend you come down for my birthday ‘do we can set up a show of me being dommed… would make for an extra fun weekend

d.s.: definitely

nadia: would be a good warm-up for the gang bang

nadia:

d.s.: indeed!

d.s.: sorry, distracted by my fantasy of bending you over the desk and sliding my cock into you….

nadia: yummy!

nadia: no need to apologize for being distracted by that

d.s.:

d.s.: grabbing the other end of the desk with both hands and giving you long hard thrusts

nadia: *sigh* work would be so much more fun with that going on

d.s.: …and then grabbing at your hair while i grab your hip with the other hand, pounding you

nadia: i love having my hair grabbed

d.s.: have you ever had someone slide a finger in your ass while getting fucked from behind? i’m just imagining a hand gripping your hair tight while my other hand is busy sliding fingers into you….

nadia: just once i’ve had someone (masterdoc) do that.

nadia: pretty hot

d.s.: it is.

d.s.: and running my fingernails down your back….

d.s.: then grabbing your hips with both hands, feeling you tighten around me…

nadia: mmm. i’m all horny now

d.s.: as am i

d.s.: teasing you, sliding in only a little…

d.s.: hearing you moan, waiting till you practially beg me to pound my cock into you

nadia: we are going to have a LOT of fun together

d.s.: i think so

d.s.: then sliding myself all the way into you, just bumping your cervix lightly…

d.s.: then i start to slap you on the ass with each thrust….

nadia: *squeals with delight*

d.s.: all the while pulling you onto me with the other hand, impaling you on my cock

d.s.: i feel you tighten around me and pull out a little, teasing you again….

nadia: my muscles tend to push penises out

d.s.: -nods- i kinda noticed that.

d.s.: i’ll just have to make an effort to be extra hard then, won’t i?

nadia: lol it’s frustrating because i’ll be on the verge of coming and everything will feel so good and then everything’s interrupted by my muscles pushing out

d.s.: -pouts-

d.s.: thtat’s the suck

nadia: yeah but it doesn’t always happen

d.s.: -nods-

-snip-

d.s.: plus, i like the idea of teasing you at work

nadia: getting me all worked up

nadia: and i’m not allowed to masturbate to deal with it, not that i could at work anyway

d.s.: i know, i’m evil.

d.s.: still imagining…

d.s.: imagining turning you over , then watching my cock slide into you as i rubbed your clit with my thumb….

d.s.: …and pinching your nipple, pulling at it with my fingers…

d.s.: i can just imagine you tightening around me with each flick of my thumb

nadia: i can imagine me squirting all over you when i come

d.s.: and i just know that would send me over the edge

d.s.: yeah, that’s pretty damn hot -tries to breathe, thinking about feeling you squirt all over me-

nadia: sometimes it just gushes out

d.s.: -nods- i’m not a stranger to the female ejaculation. i love it

nadia: i wish mine was a bit more consistent… i squirt about 20% of the time

d.s.: i don’t know ANYONE who it’s a constant with

nadia: apparently some women masterdoc has been with are pretty consistent squirters

d.s.: that’s awesomeness

nadia: just now asking masterdoc about having him dom me as a warm up to the gang bang. lol he’s called me greedy

d.s.: nothing wrong with sexual greed

nadia: amen brother

d.s.: heehee

d.s.: you saw my blog, heehe

d.s.: if that’s not greedy, i don’t know what is

nadia:

d.s.: so what if i want three cocks in my mouth at once?

nadia: exactly. why shouldn’t you have that?

d.s.: -nods-

d.s.: can i get an amen!

nadia: amen!

d.s.: sho’ nuff!

d.s.: heehe

nadia:

d.s.: it’s ridiculous… i’m so horny now… i’m sitting here stroking myself thinking about being inside you…

nadia: and you’re so far away! and i’m at work

d.s.: hence the ridiculous part

d.s.: i’m hard as a rock…. licking up the little drops of pre-cum coming out… and rubbing my fingers ightly up and down the shaft….

nadia: i’m ridiculously horny right now too

d.s.: now i’m thinking about you being on top of me in a sixty-nine… and licking your g-spot while you writhe on my face

nadia: my g-spot’s pretty far in…. hmm.. but you do have a long tongue

d.s.: mm-hmm

d.s.: i could always lick your clit while my fingers were deep inside you

d.s.: i’m quite crafty

nadia: great now masterdoc is talking about naughty things and i’m getting even hotter

nadia: “pulling back your hair and calling you a whore while the guys take turns pounding your cunt”

nadia: “I wonder how’d you feel getting a HARD fucking from saajan while I play with the tens device with the leads on your nipples”

d.s.: heh, you’re surrounded

d.s.: just like you wil be.

nadia:

nadia: i’m a lucky girl

d.s.: indeed!

d.s.): or is it too complicated for this soiree?

d.s.: are you going to try for d.p.?

nadia: i dunno.

d.s.: (which is commpletely understandable)

nadia: might be too much difficulty getting the right angle

d.s.: -nods- understandable.

d.s.: were you on your backk or your stomach?

nadia: i was on top of masterdoc with davey trying to get in from behind

d.s.: i see. stradding someone anally then having someone enter might work better

d.s.: -beingg a dork-

nadia: yeah i’ve noticed that from looking at dp porn

d.s.: <-- watches way too much DP porn

nadia: masterdoc just said, “Hey with all the extra hands around to help we could have all the help we need positioning you for a DP”

d.s.: i think masterdoc and i will get along well ;-P

nadia: yup. i said to him “D.S. just said that…. great minds think alike”

d.s.:

d.s.: were it me, i’d want DP… but that’s me

d.s.: i’d love having a cock in my cunt, one in my ass, and one in my mouth

nadia: yeah i like the idea of it

d.s.: the pratcical app isn’t always so easy

nadia: yeah

d.s.: took me, m—, and l— a while to get that working

d.s.: when it did, was really nice though

d.s.: my eyes rolld back up in my skull feeling m—’s cock pushing against mine inside

d.s.: her

nadia: hot!

d.s.: very… it was almost TOO exciting

-snip-

d.s.:

d.s.: it’s always fun talking to you.

nadia:

yeah especially when i’m getting turned on at both sides by you and masterdoc. ha ha . kinda like a chat threesome

d.s.:

nadia:

After this I got permission from MasterDoc to masturbate, and while I was a bit nervous doing so at work I nipped off to the bathroom at one point and had me a quick orgasm. All this wonderfulness kept my mind off the menstrual cramps I’m experiencing.

Hello Sailor!

Published on October 6, 2007 in fantasy. 0 Comments

What a day. I got my period first thing this morning, then had hellacious cramps all day. (And this means I’ll just be on day three of it when I see MasterDoc on Monday.) Davey and I spent the day with his ultra conservative, very talkative parents, taking them to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. We stood for about an hour and a half in the unseasonable heat just to get on the boat to Liberty Island. I was super cranky between the cramps and quality time with Davey’s parents. I hope I managed to hide it well. We finally just said goodbye to them, around 9:30 p.m. Whew. It’s been a loooong day.

I did amuse myself at one point with a naughty little fantasy. We were on the boat to Liberty Island and there were about five young, attractive, navy guys (could tell from the uniforms) who were speaking what sounded like German. Most were blue-eyed brunettes (my favorite combination). I imagined I was there with MasterDoc rather than Davey and his parents. I would mention my naughty thoughts to him and then he’d offer to the sailors that they could all have their way with me in a hotel somewhere. First they’d be incredulous, then they’d get excited at the idea of gang banging me. I imagined being taken by a line of cute, young, fit, and enthusiastic German sailors. Granted, at the back of my mind was the memory of the debacle with the quick-coming 23-year-old a few months back. But I figured there were five of them and perhaps between all five they could get me off. At least one of them had to be able to last a little while. Plus I’d love to be talked dirty to in German, the language always sounds like you’re saying something dirty anyway. I also imagined that they’d be pretty hot with their clothes off. Yummy.

The Older Woman

Published on May 3, 2007 in dating and fantasy. 0 Comments

I had fun today trading emails with a 23-year-old guy on a dating site. While I generally prefer guys my own age, I’m old enough to think that it’s kinda hot to go to bed with some hot, young guy. Yes, I have a Mrs. Robinson fantasy. While I’m not quite old enough to live that out, this does fit in with that fantasy… Who knows if anything will come of talking to this guy, after all I haven’t dropped the h-bomb on him yet, but it’s been fun feeling like the sexy, experienced, older woman for the first time. He also has a thing for librarian-types in glasses. And he’s interested in exploring his kinky side. Did he stumble upon the right woman or not?

I updated my photos on one site so I’m getting scads of replies right now. It makes me feel really good to be wanted. Heck, Davey always wants me, but the sheer numbers of interest is a real ego boost. Most of the guys I’m not particularly interested in, but how lucky to be a woman – I don’t think men get to pick and choose as much. I know Davey’s just hoping to get a response from someone who lives in the same state for a change.