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Show Me Your Teeth

Published on May 1, 2010 in anal, anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, bondage, caning, consensual non-consent, cunt, D/s, dom, edge play, embarrassment, emotions, fantasy, gags, horny, humiliation play, kink, masochism, needle play, nipple clamps, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, slut, squirting, submissive, trust and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

This Lady Gaga song inspired me to write a bit of erotica for a change. The video has nothing to do with my fantasy, but I love it all the same for being totally campy and sexy at the same time.

This is some pretty kinky shit, but if you read here regularly you should realize the kinds of things that are talked about on this blog. And without further ado: “Show Me Your Teeth.”

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She had dared him to go further than before. The butterflies tickled her stomach as she wondered if she could handle what he was going to dish out.

She had shared some of her darkest fantasies with him – the ones where she’s tied up helpless, the ravishment fantasies, the ones where he does things to her she likes to think she doesn’t want. But at the same time becoming his slut entirely turns her on immensely and she hopes that her gentle teasing has gotten him worked up enough to really push her limits this time.

She had spent some time reassuring him that she was ready for this. She wanted him to reach down and find those dark places of his soul and utilize them so they could both fulfill the twisted fantasies that brought them together.

He put her collar around her neck, and while he usually wasn’t big on protocol, he ordered her to kneel before him, forehead touching the floor. She did as she was told and steeled herself for what she hoped would be a bumpy ride.

He placed his foot on her head, holding it down.

“Are you sure you’re ready slut?” he asked her.

“Yes, Sir,” she replied immediately. She could feel her cunt begin to get wet. He removed his foot from her head and had her sit up. He sat on the sofa across from her spot on the floor and looked into her eyes.

“You are going to do everything I tell you tonight without question. I am going to take you to a place of humiliation and submission that you’ve never been to before.” She took a deep breath at this. “Go get the behind the back restraints.”

She was thrilled he asked for those – she had always hoped they’d use them again. Just having them on made her hot. When she returned to the room with the restraints, he stood up and put them on her. He buckled the collar, then buckled each wrist into their respective cuffs. She straightened up, and in this position her full breasts stood out. He took a hunk of her hair in his hand and shook her head around a little. She closed her eyes in a bit of a swoon. While her eyes were closed, he raised his hand and slapped her across the face a few times, each time a little harder than the first. When she opened her eyes he looked at her intently.

“I’ll be back in a moment. I expect you to stand at attention for me right here, understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

She could feel every inch of her skin thrum as she heard him go off into the bedroom where the toys were kept. She tried to figure out what he was getting by the noises, but she couldn’t be certain. There was a chain noise and otherwise the noises were indistinguishable.

He came up behind her and placed a blindfold over her eyes. Now she was helpless and unable to see. He started to pull something else over her face, and she soon realized it was the muzzle. Her helplessness increased with not being able to communicate easily. He tweaked a nipple and she practically gushed wetness knowing that she was at his mercy. A chain rattled. She tried to discern if it was a leash or not. As he started pulling at her nipples, making them stand out, she realized that the chain must be one that connects two nipple clamps. The question was, which ones?

He slowly released the clamp onto one nipple. As it continued to bite and bite she knew it must be the clover clamps. She took deep breaths through her nose to cope with the pain. Clover clamps weren’t something she’d grown accustomed to just yet.

“Take the pain for me slut,” he said as he tugged lightly on the clamp to make sure it was on securely. She whimpered and he stroked the side of her face. “Breathe deeply. That’s it.”

He went for the other nipple and soon the other clamp was biting into her flesh. On the one hand, she wondered if she could stand the pain, on the other, her cunt felt like it was on fire. He pulled a little on the chain and she whimpered loudly. She moved her hands instinctively but of course found them to be secured behind her back, where they couldn’t do her any good.

He helped her balance as she was lowered onto her knees on the floor. Her senses were flooded with the pain, and the feel of his hand on her shoulders, and the anticipation of what might come next. He removed the muzzle. “You’re not to speak unless spoken too, understand cunt?”

“Yes, Sir,” she replied.

She heard him unzip his pants and he took his semi-hard cock out and slapped her on the face a few times. “You’re my cock-sucking whore,” he said, “You’re my piss-drinking whore. You’re my ass-licking whore. Open your mouth.” He put his cock in and she hoped that he was too hard to piss in her mouth. Anyway, he wasn’t likely to do it in the living room where there would be a mess if she failed to catch every drop.

She sucked, having a hard time keeping his ever-hardening cock in her mouth without the use of her hands. He grabbed the back of her head, and pulled her face right into his crotch. She tried to breathe through her nose while he gagged her on his cock, but soon she was sputtering and dripping drool down her chest. “Again, whore,” he said as he pushed his cock into her mouth and straight to the back of her throat again. He fucked her mouth hard and drool ran down her chin. Snot started to flow out of her nose and she was sure her makeup would be moist and messed up under the blindfold. He choked her repeatedly on his large cock, and then pulled her head back by the hair and slapped her face a few times. She could feel her sense of will melting as she became nothing more than his whore. She wanted him to hurt her. She wanted him to use her.

He reached down and slowly removed the clover clamps. She cried out as they came off and the blood painfully rushed back into each nipple. He slapped her for making noise and put the muzzle back over her mouth. “Get up,” he said and he helped her to her feet as she couldn’t hold her balance with her arms behind her. He undid the restraints and she rolled her shoulders to ease the soreness in them. She could hear and feel a leash hook onto her collar and he led her, still blindfolded, into the bedroom. He had her kneel on the bed, head down, ass in the air. Without warm up, he caned her a few swift times. She cried out under her muzzle.

Next this cold and slick fingers were pushing into her ass, lubing her up. She could feel the cold steel butt plug as he stroked it teasingly around her asshole. He pushed, and it slid in, filling her up. With his other hand, he checked between her pussy lips. “You’re a wet little slut, aren’t you?” She could hear the wet noises as he slapped her pussy. He slid a finger inside and wiggled it around just a little bit. She moaned and pushed back onto his hand.

He laughed.

“Not yet slut.”

He removed the muzzle and the blindfold, and slid his finger, slick with her juices, into her mouth. She obediently sucked his finger clean. As he pulled away momentarily, her eyes blinked, adjusting to the light in the room. She could still feel the heavy steel plug in her ass. He told her to lay down on her stomach and rest for a moment. He gathered up more toys.

He lay down next to her on the bed and she pulled herself close to his chest. She wanted him so badly that she started to lick his chest and massage it with her fingers. He let her do this for a moment, and lay back to enjoy her attentions.

His cock was hard again when he had her stop and lay on her stomach. She felt the cold swipe of an alcohol wipe on each ass cheek. This could only mean one thing – needles. Her ass chilled as the alcohol evaporated from her skin. She listened to him unwrap a couple of needles. He grabbed one ass cheek and slid a needle into her flesh, the needle exiting out a short distance later. She took a deep breath and her body soon flooded with endorphins. He stuck her again, on the other side this time, and again she was flying high on her body’s own natural drug. She was blissfully in subspace. Her will had dropped completely, and she only wanted to do whatever he wanted her to do. He let her lie there and enjoy the rush for a few minutes. He knew, however, that this was the ideal time to really push her limits.

After removing each needle, he asked her if she was able to stand. “I think so, Sir,” she replied and unsteadily sat up on the bed. He looked into her eyes, leaned forward, and kissed her deeply.

“You’re a good girl. Now let’s see if you’re as obedient as I expect you to be tonight.”

He led her into the bathroom, and she knew this meant piss play. She always had such mixed feelings about piss play. On the one hand it was degrading and gross. On the other hand, she relished him putting her into that mental space. It wasn’t that she thought she was worthless, it was just that him making her feel dirty and under his control gave her such a high.

He had her kneel in the cold tub. Would he just pee on her, or would this be the time he finally followed through with his threat and peed in her mouth? He removed her collar, “just for practicality’s sake.” She knew that even without that symbol around her neck she was expected to obey.

“Are you my obedient slut?”

“Yes, Sir. I’m your obedient slut.”

He made sure to look into her eyes as he spoke. “I expect you to prove that now to me. This next part can be as easy or difficult as you make it. I expect you to try your hardest to please me.”

She could feel herself shake a little. This was it. This was when he followed through on the months of threats. God, would she be able to stand the taste of piss in her mouth? Would it totally freak her out? Thankfully the endorphins from earlier were still flowing and she felt a rush when faced with the challenge of doing that which she found totally repulsive. He stepped as close to the tub as he could, and took his mostly soft cock into his hand. He took hold of her hair with the other hand. “Open your mouth.”

She did as she was told, with only a slight hesitation. She closed her eyes tight, but he wasn’t having that. “Look at me, bitch!” She opened up her eyes and looked up at him, standing over her like some sort of powerful god. He wanted to see her eyes as he did this. He wanted to watch the struggle as it unfolded in her head and showed in her eyes.

With her mouth wide open, and eyes wide open as well, she felt the first hot drops of piss land on her tongue. A panic came over her, but she steadied herself and let it flow into her mouth. He relished the look in her eyes. It was a look of panic and disgust, but she held herself still as he pissed into her mouth. He felt powerful knowing that he could make her do this.

“Swallow as much as you can, cunt.”

She gagged as she swallowed but she kept coming back for more because more than anything else she wanted to please him. She wanted to show her devotion by letting him use her however he wanted. When she’d gag and cough a little he ended up pissing on her face and into her hair. A few tears escaped the corners of her eyes. He took hold of her hair more tightly and continued to let go a long stream of piss into her mouth.

“Hold it in your mouth a moment. Show me.”

She knew he meant the piss and, struggling against all sorts of forces within her, she held a pool of it in her mouth, revolted by the taste. He looked into her eyes.

“Now swallow cunt.” She did and collapsed in the tub, crying. To an outsider, she seemed broken and devastated. But she felt a certain freedom in having let go of her inhibitions so. He let her collapse, but he continued pissing onto her body. “You’re my filthy, piss-drinking slut. One of these days I’ll do this with a whole crowd of men to watch. Then I’ll have them piss all over you as well. You’ll reek of piss and they will be amazed at how much you’re my whore.” He finished pissing on her.

“Clean up,” he said as he left the room. She slowly gathered her wits. She felt emptied out inside, like all her worries no longer had a space within her. Somehow she felt baptized, new. She adjusted the water in the tub and began rinsing herself off. She took handfuls of water into her mouth and rinsed it out as best she could. She had to wash her hair as he had pissed there as well.

She dried off. She put her collar back on and went to find Sir. Her damp hair hung limply and clung to her face. She had forgotten temporarily about the plug in her ass.

She found him in the living room and she asked his permission to use the toilet. He didn’t grant it right away but made her sit on the floor at his feet. The fullness of her bladder added to her arousal in some strange way. Still, she was becoming desperate to use the bathroom.

He lifted her chin and she had a hard time looking at him. “You’re a good girl,” he said. She let out a deep breath and focused her eyes on him. “You can go use the bathroom now.”

She paused for a moment, wanting to ask if she could remove the plug from her ass, but then she remembered that she wasn’t to speak unless spoken to. Thankfully, he noticed the conflicted look on her face and he asked her what she was thinking.

“May I please remove the plug from my ass, Sir?”

He laughed a little. “I had forgotten it was in there. Yes, you may remove it. Now go use the bathroom and meet me in the bedroom after.”

He handed her the ball gag when she arrived. She put it on and he had her get on hands and knees on the bed again. He stroked his hard cock and put a condom on it.

He pulled her ass apart and could see the slick, shaved lips of her cunt. She was remarkably wet. He slid his cock into her and fucked her slowly. Her muffled moans turned him on more, and he felt a sense of ownership over her. She moaned and pushed her hips back to sink his cock as deeply as she could. His cock stayed completely rigid as he fucked her. Her moans became louder through the gag. She could come at any second, he only had to give the word. But he was enjoying teasing her and he pounded her cunt a little with his cock, listening to the desperation grow in her moans.

Finally, he thrust his cock as deep inside her as he could and told her to come. His entire body trembled and he could feel her cunt convulse around his cock. She made a remarkable amount of noise for someone who was gagged. As she came, he felt his own arousal peak and shot forth a wad of hot come. He groaned and twitched as her pussy continued milking his cock as she came. He felt his balls suddenly drenched as she squirted. He smiled.

As they both lay limp on the bed after, he put his mouth to hear ear and said, “I’m very proud of you cunt.” She glowed from within from his compliment.

Snowed In with Kink Academy

Published on February 26, 2010 in bdsm, D/s, fantasy, kink and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I had a great afternoon watching videos on KinkAcademy.com. I loved the self-bondage (rope handcuffs) instructions from Klawdya Rothschild. MasterDoc is not good with rope, perhaps I can tie myself up for him.

While it’s not a porn site, the instructional videos cause my mind to wander off into fantasies. Watching a video on caning I developed this image of me in the behind the back restraint, with the dental gag in, being caned while bent over the sofa or something. *fans self* Watching Lee Harrington’s video on age play made me think of various role playing possibilities. MasterDoc and I have talked a little about role playing lately. Not our usual, ongoing roles of Dominant and submissive, but perhaps things like Headmaster and naughty school girl, or Doctor/patient. I remember my first boyfriend and I doing a lot of role playing, since we were stuck in my car a lot we’d pretend one of us was chauffeur and the other the rich employer who seduces them. Or that one of us was totally innocent and the other is introducing them to sex (the innocent bit was not so far from the truth for either of us).

I love how Kink Academy puts a huge emphasis on safety. If you’re going to do most bdsm practices, learning what you’re doing is so important. Also, despite being an experienced kinkster, I learn new things all the time from the Kink Academy videos. Oh and I noticed this visit that there are even some free videos. Go check ‘em out.

Wishes Fulfilled

Published on February 10, 2010 in bdsm, blow jobs, caning, D/s, edge play, fantasy, kink, masochism, nipple clamps, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, stress, trust, Uncategorized and wishing box. 0 Comments

I haven’t blogged in over a week, not content that I’ve generated at least. I’ve been dealing with a particularly rough bout of premenstrual symptoms and haven’t felt like writing. MasterDoc gave me a therapeutic beating last Wednesday that helped in the short term, but ultimately I was having enough internal issues that it didn’t last. Funnily enough, yesterday he and I both – separately – hypothesized that I may have PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). Definitely something I will ask my gynecologist about next time. I have about a dozen of the symptoms.

Today the symptoms are starting to break, but even yesterday I was feeling anxious and irritable enough to be struggling with it. I didn’t sleep over MasterDoc’s due to the impending snow (and I am glad I went home last night!) but I did visit him for a few hours. We reconnected. He reassured me that yes, if I’m in emotional crisis like I had been last Friday night I did the right thing by getting in touch with him.

Since my mood was still unstable last night, MasterDoc declared I needed a beating and orgasms. And indeed they helped like they usually do. After he shook off the silly mood he was in, he had me lay down on the bed, face down and took the cane to my ass. The strikes focused my thoughts. I took the cane fairly well, but then he dribbled some melted wax on me. Yikes! It pooled slightly on my lower back and I kicked one leg up while trying to deal with the pain. The wax was particularly difficult to take last night. I seem to be out of practice. The caning continued and took me into subspace. I didn’t get wet like I often do but considering how not myself I felt that’s not entirely surprising. He used the little rubber flogger on me, the little ends gathering together to sting my ass.
He had me on hands and knees for some beating, and propped the magic wand against me but it kept slipping away from the perfect spot, so even though I had permission to come I couldn’t quite get there. I let MasterDoc know that it was sliding out of place, and he took over, pressing it against my clit, making me come. He took out a toy that we haven’t really used yet: snake bite suckers. The set comes with two larger ones and one thinner sucker that’s just right for the clitoris. Thankfully he only put the larger two on my nipples. As my tits hung down he commented on how they resembled udders. He flicked them with his fingers which hurt. He has decided he really likes them, and as I can wear them longer than nipple clamps he plans to have me walking around the swing club with them on. He had me kneel up, and he tormented my nipples some more.

He had me lay on my back to be fucked so he could continue to play with the nipple suckers. He tweaked them, fucked me, slapped my face. I went from zero to sixty in about two seconds. He told me I could come at will and I came, but then I came even harder as he gently but firmly applied pressure to my throat for the first time. Previously I had been afraid of even the hint of breathplay as I’m asthmatic (and have experienced not being able to breathe. Not really fun.) but I had put in my wishing box that I was curious to try a little bit with him, since I trust MasterDoc to know what he’s doing (and to know what to do in case of an emergency). He pressed a bit harder than I had expected, grabbing my collar close against my throat. For a second, I wasn’t sure if I was scared of this…. but then I came, harder than I had to this point. I was amazed by how hard I came.

I was very, very happy and calm after that.

He next had me suck his cock, and he worked in yet another wish from my wishing box: grabbing my head and choking me on his cock a few times. I find that I don’t gag as badly as I initially thought and I really like that he’s got his cock shoved down my throat and his hand firmly on my head as the thrusts his hips upward. His cock gets extra slick with my saliva which makes it even easier than usual to suck. He had me rub his wet cock over my face and I did as I was told. (Of course.)

His cock hard again, he debated fucking my ass or fucking my cunt again. He eventually opted for my cunt and got me on hands and knees. He said I had been a good girl and gave me the magic wand to use on myself. He started off slowly, teasing. He’d then fuck me harder for a moment. I kept the wand pressed against my clit but he told me not to come until I asked permission. He wanted me to take my time so he could fuck me as long as he liked. I was moaning like crazy, feeling amazing even though I was holding back from orgasm. I almost didn’t want it to end. I wish I had a recording of my moaning and babbling at that point. Out of nowhere, he told me to come. And I came as he fucked me some more. When his cock was pushed out he slapped my cunt to keep me coming and I sprayed come all over my hand, the throe, and the magic wand.

I was in a wondrous daze after that orgasm. It was hard to find somewhere to lay down since there was a big puddle, but I sat against the wall, legs splayed. Despite using the menstrual cup, there was a smudge of blood on my leg (and the come that came out of me was tinted pink due to some menstrual content.) My hands felt like they were buzzing, and it took me a moment to realize this was from holding the magic wand to my clit for a while. I felt positively amazing. If they could make that feeling into a pill form I think I’d become addicted. Oh yes.

After I cleaned up, we sat in the living room and he put on the basketball game. He had me grab pillows so I could sit on the floor at his feet – another thing I had requested in my wishing box. I happily played with my new smart phone while I sat on the floor between his legs. Occasionally I’d hug his thigh and kiss it. And other times he’d smack me playfully with his hard cock. It was an evening I sorely needed after the emotional upheaval of this month’s cycle.

Bondage and Being Ignored

Published on December 29, 2009 in bdsm, bisexuality, bondage, cunt, D/s, fantasy, horny, humiliation play, kink, masturbation, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, restraints, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive, threesome and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I have a new toy to review and I got to try it out last night for the first time. It’s “behind the back restraint“: basically a collar with rings attached and a leather piece leading down the back, at the base of this leather piece are two wrist cuffs. MasterDoc put me in it and I was really quite helpless. He then decided to nap on the sofa and I was to wake him in 15 minutes. I sat there, hands behind my back and became totally aroused. I had been watching kinky porn before this, so I was already in a state of arousal but the bondage and knowing that MasterDoc had essentially “left” me there in that state while he napped down the other end of the couch got me even more worked up. I contemplated why I liked the sensation and I think the vulnerability of having my breasts so exposed and not being able to use my hands at all was the key. The idea of being attacked with nipple clamps that I can’t possibly take off myself, putting me entirely at his mercy made me squirm as I sat there.

He didn’t really nap much but did have me articulate what I was thinking. Then he conjured up a hot outfit to put me in next time we’re out in a club: my leather waist cincher, the behind the back restraint, a leash attached to that collar, Njoy pure plug up my ass, a gag and a blindfold. Wow. That is just so hot. Talking to Stacina online today she added in the idea of a skirt, panties and blouse – that would then be cut off using a sharp, shiny object (blouse and panties anyway).

I was reasonably comfortable in the restraints and I really enjoyed the helplessness. Problem was, we hadn’t set up any necessary items and I couldn’t even stand up from being on the couch with my arms like that! MasterDoc undid the cuffs and sent me off to the bedroom to set up. I was sad to be let free, but certainly it was practical so MasterDoc wouldn’t have to do the setting up.

When the bedroom was set, he lay on the bed and ended up in an IM conversation with Stacina. He had me lay behind him on the bed and amuse myself. I was already wet and playing with my myself when he laughed and filled me in on what Stacina was saying. Apparently she is rather switchy and was suggesting keeping him online talking to her for an extended period of time to torture me. Yikes! Sad thing is, submissive that I am, I got so hot thinking about that – about how they were deliberately ignoring me as I got more and more worked up. I started fantasizing about the two of them controlling me and taking turns fucking me. *fans self* I was really worked up. MasterDoc handed me the magic wand for a while and I teased myself deliciously until the wand started rendering me numb.

He finished his conversation shortly thereafter and turned his attention to me. I was stroking my clit, massaging my cunt. He lay down between my legs and watched me work myself up into a frenzy. My eyes were closed mostly but I loved the idea that he was stroking himself, getting hard while he watched me masturbate. I was feeling really wanton and loose. I think I used to hold back a bit with how horny I was feeling but now I get down to touching myself freely. Before he had even come into the bedroom I ran my hands over my breasts and stomach, passionately aroused.

MasterDoc fucked me from behind, and I held out begging to come for as long as I possibly could. These days I often just wait it out and enjoy the ride until he decides it’s time for me to come. I think I should be taped sometime for the audio track of a porn flick – I moan, gasp and squeal like crazy because I’m so turned on. Lately I like pressing my arousal to the point of near orgasm, but instead of coming I ride the wave of sensation until it ebbs enough to keep me from going over the edge.

The fucking was delicious. I did break down and beg for orgasm and shortly after he let me come. He plunged his cock deep into me as I twitched and came. After a while my vaginal muscles pushed his cock out and I squirted as he slapped my pussy. I kept writhing and coming and next he ran his hand up my back. Every little touch made me keep coming. He spanked my ass, first one cheek than the other and the pain felt so wonderful I cried out, “Yes! Yes!” as I came some more from the pain.

When he told me that I had had enough, I lay there in a daze. I thanked him for the orgasm and I must have been absolutely glowing. I stroked his chest and cuddled for a while, then he decided to shoo me out of the room while he went back online. I was so utterly satisfied that I was happy to go amuse myself with my laptop.

Mutual Masturbation

Published on December 1, 2009 in anal, consensual non-consent, cunt, fantasy, horny, kink, masturbation, needle play, porn, sex toys, shio, squirting and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

This morning I accidentally posted my brief notes for this blog entry. Hitting “publish” instead of “save draft” resulted in a peek into my creative process. I take notes after events so I have something to remind me of just what went on, so that when I have time, I can flesh things out. Oh well, slip of the mouse.

After yesterday morning’s stressful show, MasterDoc also had possibly lined up a woman who’s local to him who plays with needles. I’ve been keen to try out needle play, you may recall my experience at Floating World. Thankfully, from what I’ve heard this woman is into the design side of piercing and not the “be mean and hurt the fuck out of the sub” side.

Unfortunately, that fell through. We’re supposed to meet her for coffee tomorrow night.

Since I had had countless orgasms earlier in the day, MasterDoc decided that he was going to come. (In the great variations of human sexual response, MasterDoc is one of those men who has trouble coming with a condom on. He’s only come during sex with me maybe once. We get him off via hands.) He put on some hot Japanese porn featuring the ever-popular (in Japanese porn) theme of non-consent. I have to say, while I sometimes worry about non-consent themed porn (Was it really non-consensual? I want it to just be pretend non-consensual.) I do find the idea hot. I liked thinking about putting up a struggle, and then being bound tightly and made to come over and over. I loved the porn and it helped me get into making him feel good. I focused on his reactions as I massaged his thighs and butt. I slowly worked my finger up his asshole. I ran my finger around his anal opening, putting light pressure along all sides of it. I tried to reach for his prostate in the front. I felt very turned on from doing this. When he came he instructed me to remove my finger ever-so-slowly and to press towards the front as I did. He is good at getting really specific about what he likes, and I am well-trained at this point in making him feel good. (But feedback is always useful.)

I was feeling horny after all this. I mentioned this and he gave me permission to masturbate. Hooray! I played with my bullet vibe on my clit and fantasized about physically struggling and being overcome sexually. MasterDoc came over after a very short while and helped by talking dirty to me, holding my legs apart (his forearm acted like a spreader bar between my thighs) and fingering me. I love being fingered, and lately he teases me so much. He ever so slowly touches around my hole. By the time he inserts a finger I’m desperate for it. I was allowed to come at will, and I had a gushing orgasm. I frantically humped his hand as I pressed the vibe to my clit and came.

Kinky Librarian Book Review: As She’s Told by Anneke Jacob

Published on November 21, 2009 in bdsm, bondage, D/s, dom, fantasy, kink, reviews, sadism, sexuality and submissive. 0 Comments

A couple of months ago, an email arrived in my inbox from an author, Anneke Jacob, asking if I’d be interested in reviewing her book on my blog. Since it was a bdsm book I thought, why not? I hadn’t heard of the author before, but it turns out that As She’s Told is her second book (the first being Owned and Owner) and that it won the 2008 National Leather Association Pauline Réage Novel Award.

As She’s Told is the story of Anders and Maia – a couple who first become aware of each other in an online chat room for kinksters and later meet at a local munch in Toronto (like many kinksters, they are introduced by a mutual acquaintance). What draws Anders and Maia together is their mutual desire for a truly 24/7 total power exchange (TPE) relationship. They don’t want just the illusion that he’s in charge, they both want for him to truly be in charge and her to be enslaved.

Their relationship starts off gradually, and like any good Dom he makes sure things like her studies (to be an information professional – yes, a librarian!) are given priority. The book is realistic in that Maia isn’t instantly able to submit easily to all of Anders’ orders, but it follows her struggles in making her desire to be a slave real.

Interspersed in the text are IM conversations between Anders and his also kinky cousin Karl in Denmark. (Anders is Danish.) Karl is also a Dom, but one who’s in a Dom/Domme relationship. I like that various other kinksters interested in various types and levels of bdsm relationships are included. Anders and Maia are unique in the extent of the relationship they want, but other kinksters around them, like Val the lesbian dominant who works for Anders’ construction business, can relate on some levels, even if the relationship that develops between Anders and Maia is not what they’d want. There’s even a colleague/friend of Anders’ who appears a couple of times who is into kink, but whose wife isn’t and so he contains his desires and merely lives vicariously through others. There are certainly kinksters who choose to repress their kinky selves in order to make a vanilla relationship with someone they love work. While reading the novel, however, the fact that these various “types” are depicted is pretty subtle. It doesn’t knock you over the head with – “and here’s another type of bdsmer!”

Eventually, Maia moves in with Anders into a house that he’s worked on himself. He’s made sure that wiring and such is up to code to make the fact that she will be locked and chained in the house regularly a safer prospect. Indeed, he thinks carefully about a variety of scenarios and does what he can to ensure her safety. He’s also soundproofed the place and installed cameras so he can watch her from his computer at work when he’s not home. Anders encourages Maia to have a part time job in an information centre, but her commute to and from work is monitored so that if she’s late she is punished for not making sure she got home right away. He has her in a leather harness every day, and she is very much aware of her bound status underneath her clothes. He gradually gets her to the point where she’s in a chastity belt and her orgasms are strictly controlled. The text goes back and forth from Maia’s personal view (where we get to see her struggles and happiness) and the third-person omniscient view of Anders and the rest of the characters.

I think that the novel is hot, and I like the realism in its presentation of a 24/7 relationship. I think that while 24/7 TPE is a fantasy for some, the reality takes so much careful work and consideration that it’s not feasible for many. While TPE is not my fantasy, I can still relate to the internal struggles to behave and please your dominant. I can relate to how hot and horny Maia would get when in bondage, objectified or beaten. The relationship progresses steadily and by the end of the book Maia gets to feel dehumanized and objectified completely. I had a little discomfort reading this, only because it’s not what turns my crank. People whose kink is objectification/dehumanization will totally love it. (And Maia and Anders are happy.)

Maia and Anders seem real. I was quickly involved in their developing relationship. He is a strict but loving Master and the relationship blossoms into something they’ve both only dreamed of. While he’s a sadist, he does clearly love and cherish her. The journey they share into the M/s dynamic is engaging. If you’re into power exchange, no matter what level of it, you will enjoy this book. It’s not surprising that Jacob’s writing won the Pauline Réage Novel Award.

As She’s Told by Anneke Jacob is available from Pink Flamingo Publications, PO Box 632, Richland, MI 49083.

While I received this novel for free for reviewing purposes, I was not expected to give any particular sort of review. The views expressed here are my honest opinion, and I received no other benefits for this review other than a copy of the book.

Therapeutic Beating Works Again

Published on October 15, 2009 in bdsm, caning, D/s, depression, fantasy, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, sex toys and spanking. 1 Comment

While sleep helped my mood, I did start sinking back into depression after a few hours. I had my pre-operation appointment at the hospital, and MasterDoc saw DeeDee off while I was out. He did some food shopping and when he got home we talked a bit more about my depression. (I was at least more verbal that day.) The super of his building was repairing something in the apartment, so we had to hold off on doing anything kinky. But once we were truly alone, it was time for my therapeutic beating.

He got out the canes, the crop, the “slut” paddle and the clover clamps. He had me put my collar on and get on my knees on the bed. I hugged my new Liberator Axis (review coming soon!) as he went to town on my ass. He made two hard smacks – one on each cheek – with the slut paddle to start. He says that the imprint didn’t come out well on my ass, but he thinks it’s something that would work on some people, but not others. He’ll look up the medical reason at a later date. He caned me, spanked me with his hands. He hit pretty hard and I took it well. He had me look up at him at one point and look in his eyes as he hit me. It was very hot although it was hard to crane my neck to look up and behind me.

After the beating, I felt much better. Not 100% – I could still feel the depression lingering in the back of my psyche. But I wasn’t paralyzed by depression any more. We hung out, he got me to exercise despite my desperately not feeling like doing it. I showered and we hung out some more. I wanted to have an orgasm, but MasterDoc wasn’t feeling like fooling around just then. He told me I could masturbate and I jumped at that prospect. While having him be a part of things adds to the experience, a solo orgasm is quite good as well. When I asked him to let me use the magic wand he hesitated, but when he asked if I used it every time to masturbate (I rarely use it, actually) he granted permission. I ran off to the bedroom and shut the door so I wouldn’t interrupt his football game.

I took my time, working up to an orgasm. I held off like I would if he were with me. I fantasized about MasterDoc although I’m not sure now what I fantasized about exactly. I think being bound up so that I’m helpless. I started to come and was noisy as usual. As I was in the midst of orgasm and my brain was all fuzzy, he came in, climbed onto the bed next to me, and started to caress my body. Good lord, I came harder. I wrung every last orgasm I could out of my body. After, I cuddled with him and was so happy he had joined me. Just having him there touching me adds to the orgasms.

Between the beating and the orgasms, I felt much, much better. I was in a pretty good mood today with no trace of the immobilizing depression. MasterDoc’s miracle cure works again! (Someone on twitter sent me this link after my announcement that a beating worked again to improve my mood.)

Fantasy Vignettes

Published on September 26, 2009 in anal, bdsm, blow jobs, bondage, caning, D/s, edge play, exhibitionism, fantasy, horny, kink, masochism, nipple clamps, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, restraints, sadism, sex, sex parties, sex toys and slut. 2 Comments

I keep intending to write out a sexual fantasy of things I’d like to do but perhaps we haven’t done or haven’t done often. But today I find myself thinking more about short scenes – just impressions of what’s going on rather than full-fledged stories.

I imagine being a slave for an evening. Being made to sit on the floor and having my body used at any and all times. I imagine being collared the whole time and quiet. Perhaps Sir would have a party, and I’d serve the guests who would be free to grope me. I’d be the main source of entertainment for the evening. I’d have to dress in a very revealing, sexy outfit that kept my breasts and pussy available at all times. I would get used by male and female guests alike. I would have to get his permission for any and everything – using the bathroom, having something to eat, sitting down.

I imagine having to wear a butt plug around the house. He’d lube it up, slide it in and I’d pull my panties up (to hold it in). I would be keenly aware of being filled up at all times. Maybe he’d put it in just before we leave to go to a club – and I would have to wear it en-route.

I imagine being in bondage – such that I cannot defend myself. Perhaps my wrists would be cuffed together – either behind my back or in front of me. And my ankles would be cuffed together as well. A gag would complete the look. He’d be able to touch me any way he wanted, and he’d tease me with his touch. I’d be aware of how helpless I am at that point in time. Perhaps he’d uncuff my ankles if I needed to get up, but keep my arms bound. He’d enjoy watching me struggle to move while bound. He’d force me to come over and over until I either begged him to stop or passed out. Maybe he’d use the dreaded clover clamps on my nipples when I can’t possibly take them off myself. He’d shove his cock in my mouth and make me suck him.

I imagine him hypnotizing me. Taking me on a sexual journey completely in my head. I imagine him putting me in a trance and planting the suggestion that I will come on cue without any contact. I imagine him having sex with me while I’m in a trance state.

I imagine him shoving his cock down my throat so that I choke on it. He keeps fucking my mouth making me gag and the saliva runs down my chin. Eventually, he comes in my mouth and I have to show it to him before I can swallow. At another time, he comes in my ass.

I imagine us doing a scene where I pretend to be innocent and not willing. It would be so hot to be forced to suck his cock, or have him forcefully undress me then molest me. I want to struggle a bit. I want him to slap my face. I want him to make me submit.

I imagine he’d gag me so that I couldn’t be too loud, and then he’d give me several sharp smacks with the cane, so that I’m left with angry red welts on my ass.

I imagine he takes a knife (fairly dull) and runs it along my body. Turning me on by making me nervous and reminding me of how much control he has. I hold very, very still as he runs it near delicate areas like my neck and my cunt.

I imagine he pierces up and down my back. We take pictures. He fucks me hard as I enjoy the endorphin rush afterward.

Spanking and Sex

Published on September 19, 2009 in bdsm, bondage, caning, D/s, edge play, emotions, fantasy, horny, masochism, masturbation, musings, orgasm on command, pillow princess, restraints, sex, sex toys, sexuality, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

On Wednesday night, I felt a little like I was being ignored. We were in bed, porn playing on the laptop, and MasterDoc was talking on the phone to DeeDee. He was telling her that perhaps I would join them via webcam this weekend. He also talked to her about how much she was allowed to orgasm that night since he as coming to visit in a couple days’ time. In his mind, it was hot to be telling DeeDee about my potentially doing a cam show. But in my mind, I felt ignored. I couldn’t get myself much turned on because of this. I went to use the bathroom while MasterDoc went to return someone’s call and he asked what was wrong as I didn’t look happy.

I told him that I was being completely ignored and I managed to get it out without a huge emotional outburst. He finished up the call he had to make, and proceeded to pay more attention to me. Score one for me managing to calmly voice what I needed and then getting it.

He said I was due for a paddling and he used the lovely new paddle on my ass. He also used the lightest cane for a while, and my pain tolerance wasn’t bad. Many of the strikes felt rhythmic rather than painful, although the cane does inevitably get to be too much. I’d love to have angry red cane stripes on my ass (and get to see them in a photograph) but I’m not sure I can handle the concentrated pain that comes from good, strong cane strikes. It’s something to work towards.

He gave me my nea to use on my clit and I masturbated myself while he spanked me. After a good round of spanking, he climbed onto the bed next to me, and made me look him in the eye. He wanted to know if I was ready to come. I said that holding myself in that position (on knees, left arm supporting me and right hand pressing the nea to my clit) was difficult and I wasn’t sure I could come right then. He made sure I was looking him straight in the eye when he said, “Let it be a challenge to you.” He told me to come and I came, hard, moaning and grunting. I squirted all over my hand and the vibe. It was like my hand was bathing in my juices.

He told me I could lay forward and relax but just then another orgasm gripped my body. He chuckled and said ok I could have one more. (I don’t know that I had a choice – my body had decided for me!)

Even though my hand was all wet from coming on it, I find that the smell of the fluid is pretty light and kinda nice. (It’s definitely not pee.) Unfortunately I had forgotten to put the throe down again. *sigh* There was a large puddle at the end of the bed.

We cuddled, and I tried to soak up the feeling of being around him. I knew that I wouldn’t see him for nearly a week, and so had to enjoy every second while I could.

I was still pretty horny (he makes me so horny!) and playing with the nea on my clit. I got really turned on watching the porn on the computer – it was an intense bondage scene with the bottom having 60+ clothespins on her body. As the Domme took a clothespin off, the bottom had to count what number it was and not lose track. The anticipation of the next one coming off and the pain that played across the actress’ face made me really hot.

I have a lot of bondage fantasies lately. Rope is not MasterDoc’s forte, so I haven’t really experienced much in the way of rope bondage. But quite frankly I’d be happy using the wrist and ankle cuffs I have and having them linked together so that I was immobile.

He fucked me, thrusting his cock deep inside. I came hard again thanks to his expert fucking. I was a happy girl.

I left the erotic hypnosis book with him, and I hope that we can play with hypnotism sometime soon. He commented that he thinks in some ways he already hypnotizes me; and I’m inclined to agree. He often makes me focus on his eyes and take slow deep breaths to center myself. I’m sure that actual hypnotism between him and I will be quite easy. I hope that maybe through hypnotism we can get my body to cut down on pushing-cocks-out movement my vagina likes to do during orgasm.

Sometime after seeing MasterDoc this week, I had an epiphany. I tend to be really passive during sex, and it’s looked upon as me being a pillow princess or boring, or whatever. But I think the source of it is low self-esteem. I don’t think that someone would find my sexuality arousing, so I don’t express it and keep it internal. Fucked up, yes. I am there for them to play with me but I don’t take charge myself. I seem to be doing a lot of deep thinking this week.

Book Review: Healing Sex

Published on September 7, 2009 in anxiety, assault, bdsm, bisexuality, embarrassment, emotions, fantasy, Feminism, kink, lesbian, libido, masturbation, rape, recovery, reviews, sex, sex toys, sexuality, trauma and trust. 0 Comments

When Babeland offered Staci Haines’ Healing Sex for review, I decided to snap it up. You see, after I was sexually assaulted in 2005, a friend at that time had Haines’ Healing Sex DVD and lent it to me sometime in the months following the assault. While Haines’ focus is on survivors of childhood sexual abuse, her techniques can definitely be applied to recovering from any sort of sexual trauma. I remembered the DVD as being insightful, so I was happy for the chance to read and own Haines’ book.

Staci Haines specializes in the somatic approach – “an educational and transformational approach that assumes that the body, mind and emotions are one interconnected biological system.” (p. 15) She discusses a great deal the concepts of being aware of what you’re feeling, or indeed being aware if you’ve dissociated and stopped feeling. Being present during your sexual experiences is a major first step towards healing. Being aware of your body and reactions helps get you away from dissociating – “checking out” – during sex.

Haines is realistic about the conflicting emotions that survivors may feel – they may feel guilt or shame when they feel sexual pleasure, they may love and hate their perpetrator at the same time. Being triggered during sex with a partner may cause a survivor to take their anger out on their partner. She doesn’t paint a picture of recovery as being all hearts and flowers – but she does point you towards the wonderful future you can have if you take the time to heal. As they say, nothing worth doing is ever easy.

The approach is entirely sex-positive. She explores different types of sexual expression, everything from oral sex to S/M and in between. There’s chapters on sexual anatomy, creating boundaries for yourself, partnered sex, navigating your way through triggers and how to work on healing them, and even the use of sex toys. Many of these chapters have interesting sex-positive information that would be useful for anyone. (The book is aimed at women survivors, of any sexual orientation.) While she discusses the problem of survivors sometimes becoming sexually compulsive in reaction to the abuse, she makes clear the point that being a fully realized sexual woman with a stronger sex drive than our society thinks you should have is NOT the same as being compulsive. She then goes on to discuss the real difficulties with actual compulsion. She also doesn’t glamorize sex as being the perfect image we see in porn or read about in books. Haines is clear that we bring our quirky human selves to our sex lives – there will be times when things go wrong and you and your partner end up laughing. Sometimes you may need to stop the action for a time and get back to it after dealing with difficult memories. There’s even a chapter for partners of sexual abuse survivors.

The final chapter in the book is a phenomenal collection of resources – everything from healing sexual trauma, to dealing with any sort of trauma, to women-friendly sex-positive sex toy stores (Babeland is on the list).

One minor gripe: this book has more than an average number of typos that were not caught and fixed. If you’re a grammar nut like me this may irritate the heck out of you.