Unfortunately I started off the weekend feeling neglected. MasterDoc had been busy for about four nights in a row, and it just coincided with me being a bit depressed. I was very difficult with him on Friday. But we talked and worked it out, as we always do. This weekend someone left a comment on one of my slightly older posts criticizing my being with MasterDoc. I approved the comment, this person is entitled to their opinion, but I think they don’t really see the fullness of my life with MasterDoc. (And, incidentally, while that’s his scene name he does not see himself as a Master and he’s definitely not looking for a slave. We both happily identify as Dom or sub, respectively.)

It begs the question, how full of a story does a sex blog tell? I use this like a diary sometimes, to sort out thoughts and feelings by writing about them. I vent when things are frustrating. There’s many, many mundane moments of our lives not caught here, as well as tender moments. I think it’s impossible for someone to know what my relationship is like just from reading the blog. Like any couple, we have ups and downs, but unlike many “vanilla” couples we talk, talk, talk and look for solutions. We both own when it’s our own mishegas causing the problem. We both work on becoming better partners to each other, and over time we have.

I think it’s funny when people are frustrated with their partner in a vanilla relationship it’s seen as part of having a relationship. But when a kinkster (particularly one on the bottom side of the dynamic) complains then it’s assumed they’re being abused. Being at this event this weekend brought home the fact that the reality of bdsm is so very different than the fantasy. And people who are experienced kinksters know this. I also noticed that kink is a very wide playing field, and what one person does and enjoys is not what the next person does and enjoys. Perhaps part of the problem with DeeDee’s family’s concerns is that they have read about the play I do with MasterDoc here and assume that it’s exactly what he and DeeDee to together. It’s not. I’m telling my story. I’m not telling hers. She may have a role in it, but I don’t presume to represent her. I’m quite a bit more fond of pain than DeeDee is, and of course MasterDoc’s play with her differs in this respect.

There’s also the problem with terms in bdsm having different meanings than terms outside of the community. When I say I got a beating, I do not mean that MasterDoc came at me in anger pummeling me with his fists. This has never happened and never will. It means he uses implements he has used in the past and has great control over. It means he watches my reactions carefully and keeps the beating at a level I can process. The end result is not trauma, but a fabulous release of endorphins. I’m not scared of MasterDoc ever being truly violent with me. He never hits in anger. He has fantastic self-control emotionally, which is perfect for someone who wants to dominate.

Brimstone Reflections, Part I originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on November 28, 2011.

I’ve been left contemplating how consenting adults can have their choices questioned (part I) but on the other hand people who violate withdrawn consent can go around denying it for years (part II).

Some members of DeeDee’s family have decided that she can’t possibly have chosen to be in a bdsm relationship. They think she must be abused. They’ve found my blog and point to my own history with depression (and the one time I was hospitalized for such 23 years ago when I was a teenager). People into bdsm are as varied as any other group of people. Some are mentally well, some have mental illness, some are awesome people who stick strictly to the notion that consent matters, and unfortunately, a few are predatory. People into bdsm generally like things more intense than others. Are people who like to burn their mouths on hot, spicy food sick people? How is this different? I like extra spice with my sexuality. I like the feelings of bliss released when controlled pain is applied to my body in a consensual situation. While I suffer from a mental illness, that is not what causes me to love playing with power differential sexually. I’ve had kinky fantasies since childhood, and while my family is your garden-variety dysfunctional American family, I was not abused at all in childhood. No one beat me, no one did inappropriate sexual things to me (or, indeed, any sexual things to me). I was treated lovingly for the most part and, as an only child for the first 11 years, I was pretty much spoiled. (On one side of the family, I was the only grandchild for 9 years. Oh yeah. Spoiled.) Being turned on by thoughts of bondage and helplessness just occurred naturally. (And, I might add, long before I was raped or sexually assaulted. Rape and sexual assault, sadly, are more common in this world than bdsm.)

The infantilization of those with mental illness would be humorous if it wasn’t so damn offensive. I would like to think that while I certainly talk about a lot of intense kinky sex here, I also very clearly convey the loving relationship I have with MasterDoc. He doesn’t take advantage of my mental illness. If anything he has mentored me in adopting better coping mechanisms. I don’t blow up in emotional outbursts as often as I used to. I’m far better at asking for what I need emotionally rather than stewing and expecting others to read my mind. Bad methods of coping I learned from my mother have been slowly unlearned with MasterDoc’s patient teaching. I suffer far less distress than I used to because I can handle things more rationally.

But, you see, I would bet DeeDee’s family will think he made me write that, or something. Determining that my agency has been taken away from me without so much as talking to me is also damn offensive. While I like the security of considering myself owned by MasterDoc, the truth is owning people is illegal in the United States. I am a free woman. I have a career. I can pay my own bills. No one is manipulating me to be MasterDoc’s submissive. I have the means to leave if I wanted. But I don’t want to – not because anyone has worn me down or some shit, but because I have a tremendous amount of loving support from my chosen family. My current household is so delightfully stable and placid compared to that of my parents’ house. (While ultimately loving, my Mother had a tendency to shout and have emotional outbursts. Thankfully my Dad was stable.)

I think it might actually disappoint some people just how normal and dare I say, equitable, our relationship can be. I can disagree with him. We will discuss things we disagree on. MasterDoc likes having intelligent women as submissives because he’s not looking to control someone 24/7 (not to mention the conversation is far better). He wants us to think for ourselves. He wants the best for us. He’s still good friends with his former submissives. Hardly sounds like they fled from him, huh? He walked one down the aisle as her bridal attendant and she counts him as her best friend.

But I could talk about that ad nauseum and still not convince people. That’s okay. I know I’m in a happy and stable relationship. I know MasterDoc has not ever laid a finger on me in anger, and never will.

Bullshit, Part I originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on November 21, 2011.

This is partially (but only partially!) down to perception. I have had some stellar time alone with MasterDoc this week. But I find when I truly have downtime, that I just want to do mindless stuff like watch a show, or play The Sims. Writing seems beyond my energy level.

But before I head off to work today, I vowed to try to get at least one blog entry written. So here we go.

Yesterday, I was really craving kink. It was funny because MasterDoc was in a totally cuddly mood. I think other than caning and such, he doesn’t necessarily push my limits as often lately. He managed to get himself into the mood talking dirty to me. And I got to experience some kink that really did push my limits.

He started talking about humiliating things he could do to me. And just the idea of most of it pushed my limits. I hoped that some of these ideas would only amount to talking, but it seems he wanted to give me what I wanted – kink.

He took me into the bathroom to piss on me. I find that piss play is something I truly hate doing, but I kinda like him being dominant and making me do it. I hesitated on taking my vibe along, because I wasn’t feeling horny at the idea of his piss. He pointed out that it was up to me, but why not get an orgasm out of it? I relented and grabbed it on the way out the bedroom door.

He had me kneel in the tub. He grabbed the closest breast and started slapping his cock against it. “See, if I slap it hard enough it keeps my cock from getting aroused.” A frequent (male) piss Dom problem is getting aroused by the idea and then being unable to pee thanks to the hard on. (I always hope for a hard on.)

“Get that other tit over here.” He said and I turned towards him. He continued to play with my tits, call me his piss whore and tell me I could come when I felt his piss. I ran the vibe over my clit, not sure if I could get aroused enough to come. But then the whole thing is arousing despite being totally repulsive at the same time. I suppose it’s a part of submission/masochism that is difficult to understand. “I don’t want to do that thing, but I want you to make me, because your making me is hot.”

So he pissed on my tits, and I came. I buried my face in his tummy as best I could. I feel embarrassed to be coming at that point. It always feels like he has the bottomless bladder. When he pees on me, it feels like it goes on for several minutes. Towards the end, I couldn’t come anymore so I turned my head towards the wall in humiliation, because now I was just experiencing him peeing on me without the distraction of an orgasm.

He was in a merry mood after, and went to wash his hands. I couldn’t wait to get the piss soaked vibrator put down and the tub water running to clean myself off. I learned the hard way one time that you need to do more than rinse, you need to use soap and scrub slightly. And you need to remember that your hands have been pissed all over. One time, I rinsed my body well but forgot my hands and had to smell his pee all evening. Yuck. This time, I scrubbed and rinsed carefully.

I think one of the downsides to piss play is that the aftercare happens after a lapse. I’m left alone to rinse off, and getting wet inevitably means I feel a chill after. (Especially when I walk in the bedroom and he has turned up the air conditioning.) I think I’m still processing the experience whereas he’s been distracted by other things while waiting for me. I need a warm blanket and some adoring cuddles after piss play. While he can humiliate me as my Dom, I need reassurance after that he loves me even if I’m his filthy piss slut.

After a little recovery under a sheet to keep warm, he moved on to phase two. I had so hoped he wasn’t serious about phase two.

He gave me the kneepads. He told me to put them on and get the leash. Lately he not only has me wear my collar, but also wrist cuffs during play. I like it, but I find it much easier to be little miss subby when it’s just him around. (Or I can usually deal with him making me crawl into DeeDee to say hello.) The catch of this bit of impending puppy play? DeeDee and her other serious boyfriend were in the living room watching tv. MasterDoc instructed me to crawl into the living room, bounce around like a playful puppy, bark and pant. My brain could NOT get my head around doing something so embarrassing in front of DeeDee’s other boyfriend.

Now, you need to know that her other boyfriend is kinky too, so none of this would make either DeeDee or her boyfriend freak out. I was the only one freaking out. I crawled as far as the curtain that hangs over the entrance of the living room to keep air conditioning in. I could not make myself go any farther. I stayed hidden behind the curtain. I told MasterDoc it would be easier if he went with me, but he wanted me to go alone. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

In doggy fashion, I turned to him and whimpered and whined like any dog would when faced with something they really didn’t want to do. This didn’t produce pity unfortunately. He got the riding crop and smacked my ass until I crawled in. I hung my head down nearly the entire time. I could get through the embarrassment if I didn’t have to look at the people in the living room. He told me to lift my head and pant, and I simultaneously closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see. Ultimately, the embarrassment happened. But MasterDoc said I got a C- for that performance and he was a little annoyed with his misbehaving little bitch. Meanwhile DeeDee and her gentleman said, “Awww.” when the puppy came in. They thought it was cute.

He led me by leash back to the bedroom. I crawled until I was in the room. It’s funny, but I can’t recall the less stressful bits right now. I know I asked for aftercare. He hadn’t thought that scene would need aftercare, but I pointed out that it was a very intense scene for me. I got some cuddles.

End of Part I

Pushing Limits, Part I originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on September 25, 2011.

I’ve spent significant amounts of time at MasterDoc’s since I met him 4 years ago. DeeDee moved in a little over a year ago when she lost her job and wanted to look for work in New York. It was meant to be temporary. Despite being highly educated (MBA!) and capable, a suitable job offer hasn’t come her way. But this works out because she takes up a bit more housework, whereas I do less housework, but contribute more financially since I’m working. Each of us contributes in the ways we currently can. I hate cooking, she doesn’t mind, so she cooks and I clean up after dinner.

It’s a shame that this is considered highly unusual. I don’t feel I can tell my co-workers, for example, about my very happy home life. I have to pretend I’m simply moving in with my boyfriend. And as far as they know I’ve only dated him several months – Davey was my “official” boyfriend for a long time and I’m not out as poly at work – so after my breakup with him last year I waited several months before mentioning someone “new”.

I’ve told both my parents about poly. My dad seems totally weirded out. We’ll see how it goes when I tell him that MasterDoc’s “other girlfriend” lives with us. Hopefully, when he sees how happy I am and what a lovely place I live in, he will manage to deal with the strangeness of the situation. My dad is old-fashioned in many ways, but he wants to see me happy and stable. He helped me weather my teenage depression more than my mom. (She usually contributed to it.) He respects my agency as an adult and loves me. My Mom? She doesn’t quite “get” poly but she’s supportive of my choices.

DeeDee says that people’s top question when they hear about our situation is – where do you all sleep? MasterDoc’s apartment has three bedrooms, and each of us has our own. DeeDee and I trade off sleeping with MasterDoc, and sometimes he just wants to sleep alone. Luckily, I like sleeping alone so it’s not a hardship when I do so. And if one of us is having a rough time and want to sleep with him this is arranged – and always without drama. When both of them are away, I usually sleep in MasterDoc’s bed as I find it comforting.

My room is in disarray as MasterDoc cleans out his things (except the fax, modem, wireless router, etc. all that will stay there) and I gradually move my things over. We’re in the process of combining the household items I have and what they have. I have to get my stuff out of my current apartment by the end of the month. It’s a little nerve-wracking not to be more packed. I look forward to setting up my room as “my” space. Having your own space is important. I’ve never been someone who wants to spend every waking moment with my partner. (It often seems like I do to MasterDoc, probably because he’s extremely poly in nature and likes to spend a lot of time with a variety of people. I tend to gravitate towards smaller groups and a bit less variety.)

I love DeeDee like a best friend and I’m thrilled to have her to talk to on a regular basis. I feel incredibly fortunate to have found this situation (or it found me) – and frustrated that I can’t shout about it from the rooftops. While I’m not officially moved in, I have spent most of the past few months here. I only stop in to my apartment to check mail or pick up things I need. Most of my wardrobe is in the closet here already. DeeDee made sure I had my own dresser to store things in many months ago.

When MasterDoc and I were fooling around earlier this week, he gushed a little about us three living happily ever after. It’s adorable when Doms gush. But the fact is, we’re all really happy to be forming a little family. I hope we DO live happily ever after.

And They Lived Happily Ever After originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on August 12, 2011.

I joined MasterDoc, Nadia and DeeDee for a lovely dinner at MasterDoc’s Home for Wayward Women on Friday night. DeeDee is the epitome of a gracious hostess, and is forever cooking delicious, healthy meals. I wish I could have her come cook for me like that at my house! (She says she will if I pay her, hmmm….) When I arrived, DeeDee was (as per usual) cooking while wearing skimpy lingerie. MasterDoc and Nadia were only semi-nude, and as we sat down to dinner, I felt like I should get into the spirit by doffing my top (also, it was blazingly hot in there!). Dinner conversation with these folks is always a delightful combination of “normal” topics – current events, the weather, our jobs, etc. – and kinky topics. I was recalling this one time when my friends tied me to their closet door and made me watch them fucking. DeeDee remarked sarcastically that that must’ve been just terrible for me. I ironically confessed that it was simply dreadful, not fun or arousing in the slightest. Naturally MasterDoc suggested that I might enjoy watching them some time, to which I readily agreed.

At some point during dinner, MasterDoc ran off to get a lubed-up butt plug, brought it back to the table, and stuffed it up Nadia’s ass. Nadia, red-faced but clearly enjoying herself, remarked that this was just like Kink.com‘s The Upper Floor – a civilized dinner party at which no one bats an eye when some sub girl bends over to take a butt plug up her ass. Truly, I expect no less at MasterDoc’s Home for Wayward Women. Nadia sat back down, and MasterDoc instructed her to wiggle about, to make sure she was getting the full effect of that butt plug. She obeyed, in obvious embarrassment, which I found adorable. I pointed out to her that her ears were turning red, and she wailed, “You saying that makes it worse!” Mwahahahahahaha! I’m a bad friend.

Dinner concluded, MasterDoc and DeeDee went off to the playroom, and I helped Nadia with the dishes. (In point of fact, I stood there with my shirt off, fanning myself and making conversation, while Nadia did all the work. Like I said, I’m a bad friend.) Eventually MasterDoc came into the kitchen, naked. Not an unfamiliar sight to me, at this point. We all went into the playroom, after DeeDee (who wasn’t feeling well) excused herself to go lay down. I must remark, by the way, that the playroom is so elegantly appointed, now that DeeDee has worked her decorator’s magic on it. Its truly a very pleasant room to be in, even apart from the debauched activities that usually take place in there. I took my seat next to the air conditioner, from which vantage point I was able to comfortably observe the action. Nadia strapped on a pair of knee pads and stripped off her clothes. She was wearing some charming lingerie, a gift from DeeDee. MasterDoc proposed that the blog entry about this should be called “Butt Plugs and Knee Pads”. Throughout the remainder of the evening, we’d all occasionally come up with cute ideas for what the blog post should be called, but…I can only remember that one. Should’ve been taking notes, darn it!

MasterDoc sat on the edge of the bed and instructed Nadia to come suck his cock. He described to me, as she knelt between his legs and did so, the specific technique with which he has trained her – emphasis on hard sucking, rather than deep sucking – to maximize his pleasure. Frankly, I’m impressed that he was able to talk at all while this was going on, because Nadia has clearly mastered the technique. After a period of cock sucking, he had her get up on to the bed with him, and she took off her lingerie and knee pads. I hoped she’d just leave the knee pads on – I like that “sexy roller derby girl” look – but off they came, and she lay back on the bed with her knees spread. MasterDoc took some time to admire her cunt, as he manipulated it and toyed with the butt plug (oh yeah, did I mention that she was still wearing that butt plug?). I believe he made her come around this point. Nadia will surely concur with me that it is difficult to keep track of the orgasms at MasterDoc’s Home for Wayward Women.

They had some brief discussion about the best position for them to fuck, for their pleasure and for my voyeuristic enjoyment. Eventually they settled upon having Nadia on all fours with MasterDoc behind her, both facing me. MasterDoc commented that they usually face the other way while in that position, but that since they had a guest there, it would be rude to face away. Such a thoughtful host! He pushed Nadia’s head down towards the bed – a position which I thought made her arms and back looked particularly fit and muscular (yet, another benefit of weight loss and getting in better shape: you look sexier when you’re fucking for an audience!) – and described to me in extreme detail how he was giving her just the tip of his cock, and then a little more, and then a little more, and then finally sliding the whole thing home. Whatever might be lost in visual detail, with the business end of the fuck facing away from the observer, MasterDoc more than makes up for in narrative detail. They commenced to fucking, and I wish now that I’d had the presence of mind to bring a stopwatch, because it seemed to go on for VERY LONG TIME. I’m truly impressed with MasterDoc’s athletic stamina. And Nadia’s too! I know perfectly well how much muscle and staying power it takes to get fucked like that. When he gave her permission, Nadia began to come (would this be the second time? or the third?), and MasterDoc said, “What a wild ride she is!”. I can believe it.

After a protracted period of fucking, they took a break. MasterDoc cordially invited me to feel free to pleasure myself while I watched, if it was my desire. I politely declined – me, I’m more comfortable letting the scene arouse me, and then jerking off later at home to the memory. (You can be certain that I did so later that night.) Nadia remarked that, when they do sex shows, they find that its fairly rare for the observers to actually whip their dicks out and take care of business. MasterDoc said, if he were an audience member, he’d definitely want to take advantage of the permission for instant gratification. I figure that some people get off on that sort of thing, and others want to save it up to enjoy privately later. Fortunately, there’s room for everyone in the world of kink.

Having caught their breath, it was time for more fucking. MasterDoc first wanted Nadia to climb on top for a ride, but then decided that he’d climb on her instead. She lay sideways on the bed, with a pillow blocking my view of her body. I imperiously demanded that she move it because, come on, let’s not pretend I’m not here for the full monty. MasterDoc grabbed her hair and began to fuck her, telling her what a wild ride she was, what a slutty pussy. It was a beautiful angle for both of them – truly, if I’m going to get a live porno show, it may as well be with sexy porn stars, and these two definitely fit the bill. He fucked her long and hard and over and over and eventually gave her permission to come (for the fourth time? fifth? HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU COME, NADIA??). When they finished, I was both aroused and, vicariously, exhausted. MasterDoc began to discuss having Nadia lick his ass, but as it was getting to be time for me to go home, they decided to wait and see me to the door. They’re excellent hosts. As we said goodbye, I told them “I love coming over here. Its always dinner and a show!”.

I hope you enjoyed this guest post. The day after this scene I told MasterDoc that it had had a “metric fuckton of humiliation.” I’m not sure why, knowing DivaSub like I do and that she’s a complete pervert too, but it was somehow more humiliating for a friend to watch than some random guy I don’t know. I did have a fantastic time though.

Guest Post: Dinner and a Show originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on June 14, 2011.

Last Wednesday I had a night alone with MasterDoc and he put the easier nipple clamps on (i.e., not clover clamps). I got into the pain. It wasn’t as unbearable as the clover clamps. He pinched and twisted them, too and placed the clamps’ chain between my teeth. The problem with that was I had to hold my head up off the pillow to reach the chain and a sore neck was not the intention.

I should mention that MasterDoc is a considerate Dom. If I speak up about something I’d like more of than we’ve been doing, he will take my wishes under consideration – and often the item at hand will come up in our sex soon after. The nipple play was a recent request – I’m not sure why that became something he didn’t really do for a while. Such things happen. I’ve also mentioned that I love his talking dirty to me. He did that on Wednesday and said he liked having my body to play with. I just swooned into his arms. He very nearly could have made me come there.

My neck was bothering me, and my body sore and tired from exercise and a long day, so we shifted to me using the Siri vibe on myself since needed to lay flat for a while. MasterDoc touched me to add that fabulous element to my masturbation, but in some respects he was too gentle. I missed the raw dirty talk he had been giving me just a short time before. That night, I had a hard time with getting and staying aroused. I blame the fatigue. I did come. Just not the way I usually do.

He fucked from on top with the blindfold on and while I suppose I often find that hot, I found that not being able to see him reduced my arousal. Phooey. As I’ve said, these things happen.

He fucked me doggy style next. Again I had problems getting and staying aroused. But he managed to push me to orgasm before we were through. Sometimes the push was verbal – yay more dirty talk! Finally, I helped him come via massaging his thighs and ass, then licked his asshole like he likes and finally finished things off with a prostate massage.

It’s kinda funny now to think that analingus was a hard limit when I filled in a bdsm checklist when I first met MasterDoc.

Saturday night we had fabulous sex that lifted me from the mild depression I was in. I didn’t take notes. My sieve-like brain can’t remember details. Yeah I suck. But the sex was awesome and you will just have to trust me. Unfortunately, when we went back to hanging out after the sex my mildly depressed and rather withdrawn mood returned. Ordinarily there would have been another round, but I felt so tired from the depression that I wasn’t up to it.

On Sunday, we had over another Dom who contacted MasterDoc on fetlife after reading my profile where I say that if a Dom wants to play with me, they should contact my Dom as it’s his decision. This was perfect timing since we’ve come to realize that I need someone to play with so I get enough sex – and that totally vanilla sex probably wouldn’t work for me for an ongoing fuck buddy situation. I have a high sex drive, and while MasterDoc certainly does too, he likes variety and dates or fucks various women so his high libido is shared with many.

Well this other Dom is a very attractive guy, in his 40s, and really into rough sex and being down and dirty.  I don’t usually go for athletic builds (it’s not on my list of must have criteria in a man, though it’s certainly not a deal breaker or anything) but I have to say I do appreciate the lean, muscled body this Dom has developed. He has experience wrestling and uses it to good effect in a bdsm setting. But perhaps I’m jumping ahead…..

MasterDoc had me sitting on floor at his feet when “another Dom” came in. (I need a pseudonym for him.) DeeDee answered the door in her sexy maid’s outfit – I find the maid outfit embarrassing on me, but DeeDee loves the theatricality of it.

We talked for a bit – mostly he and MasterDoc – and then MasterDoc indicated we should adjourn to the bedroom. I don’t get MFM threesomes often, and damn I enjoy them. MasterDoc had me start off by sucking his cock. During this he invited the guy over to grab my ass. (I was in a bra and sexy black slip.)  The other guy slapped my ass – hard! He seems to have a heavier hand than most. Not sure I can handle such hard hits, which I spoke up about of course, as did MasterDoc and the guy laid off the hard spanks.

This guy goes for the gusto when having sex and after just a brief bit of dirty talk in my ear, he went for my pussy and decided to see if I truly do squirt. His fingers made me come in no time. Of course I held off until MasterDoc told me to come. I squirted a whole lot. The throe was soaked.

Next I sucked the new guy’s cock. There was lots of gagging, with saliva flowing. He spit on my face – the first time I’d ever experienced it. I wasn’t sure if I’d like it but I did find it kinda hot. MasterDoc was uncomfortable that something as edgy as spitting would be brought in without negotiation (I concur). That got addressed a bit later.

MasterDoc fucked me while I sucked the guy’s cock. This was Hot! (With a capital “h”) Then they switched and the other guy fucked me while I sucked MasterDoc’s cock. (Again, hot with a capital “h.”) Next the guy fucked me up the ass (I seem to be making this “anal upon first meeting” thing a habit.) He made me come a whole lot while fucking my ass.

I can’t even begin to estimate how many times I came that evening.

We took a break, but as dinner had not yet arrived, after a conversation on limits we went back for more. MasterDoc suggested we try double penetration – I’ve never experienced it, just frustrating attempts. MasterDoc lay on the bed, I got on top of his cock, then the other guy went to work his cock into my ass. It was still hard to get proper angle – my butt’s a bit sore from where it was poked before he got it in. But the struggling was brief, and holy shit it worked! It felt… like I was being fucked in two holes at once. I know that sounds self-explanatory but it’s the only way I can think to describe it. While I felt quite filled it wasn’t uncomfortable like I had worried it would be. Both orifices expanded to make each penetration comfortable in and of itself. As they both fucked me I just kept on coming over and over. Good, primal, grunting and screaming orgasms.

After a break for dinner, the guy was up for one more fuck. We went into the bedroom and I sucked his cock, gagging on it. He had me lay on the bed and he fucked me from on top. He pinned me down – there’s that wrestler skill! – and fucked me like there’s no tomorrow. Dude is in shape. I couldn’t believe how long he fucked me at a hard, relentless pace. Most guys can’t do that. Of course, I loved it. He put his hand on face from time to time, holding my head to the side while he continued to fuck me. This was hot and would inevitably make me come harder. I began to wonder which of us would ask to stop first. He did, but I was pretty fucked-out by that time myself.

Since this went well, I’m free to schedule casual fucks with this guy when I have free time. Neither of us has a lot of free time, and who knows how often it will coincide, but it’s nice to think there’s another cock out there I can call on when I need something extra – a cock that comes with rough sex.

DP originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on May 17, 2011.

On Friday, my day off, MasterDoc had a couple come over early in the evening. Another Dom we had played with recommended MasterDoc as someone with a sybian to another Dom/sub couple. The woman was about my age. Blonde, huge tits, attractive. The guy was older than MasterDoc by a year but looks about 10 years younger than his age. We greeted them, and sat down in the living room to chat. The woman seemed nervous. We did our best to try to put her at ease. Eventually her Dom suggested I start undressing her so I unzipped her sweater. She looked at me and asked, “Do you like girls?” I immediately and enthusiastically said, “Yes!”

This answer must have been the right one, because it soon became apparent that she had the hots for me. I’m usually so oblivious to a woman wanting me, but I picked up on this quite easily.

The first intention was to warm her up (I was to help) and then get her on the sybian. She was nervous though, and suggested I try it first. Considering I’m a veteran sybian rider I had no trouble going first to show her how amazing it is. She and MasterDoc started warming me up while her Dom, and a nice single guy MasterDoc met at the swing club watched. (He’s one of those rare finds – a single guy who knows when it’s appropriate to jump in, and when it’s appropriate to watch respectfully.)

She commented appreciatively on my tits while she played with them. MasterDoc teased me mercilessly with the magic wand until I was ready to explode. “She’s ready now,” he declared, just as I was so worked up I would have humped the sybian even if it was off!

MasterDoc gave me an intense (when is it ever not intense?) sybian ride, making me come and come like a madwoman. The crowd (which also included DeeDee, I forgot to mention that) enjoyed the show. I lay on the floor recovering for a few minutes. When I got up to wash off the attachment, I snuck off into the kitchen for an aftercare snack. MasterDoc came to check on me, and I assured him that I was fine and that I’d be in to help warm up our lady guest as soon as I could.

When I walked back into the room, MasterDoc and the lady’s Dom were working on warming her up. She was naked and I slipped my hands in to her pelvic area to massage her inner thighs, butt, groin area. Then I stroked her pussy a little and since it was wet, I slid a finger in. She enjoyed my ministrations and I added another finger, stroking her g-spot. When we declared it time for her ride, she seemed to prefer staying there with me playing with her cunt.

We got her on the sybian, MasterDoc running the controls but her Dom sitting in front of her for her to lean on. I watched from the bed beside DeeDee for a bit, but it seemed to me that our guest was having a hard time letting go. Since she was clearly into me, I figured I should get up and try to help push things along. I reached around her and pressed her clit into the machine. I grabbed her ass, played with her. The ride went on for quite a while but still she didn’t come. I could be wrong, but when she complained the intensity was too much, I got the sense it wasn’t painful so much as likely to push her over the edge – something she wasn’t ready for. She did come for a bit, but overall the ride was less orgasmic than most. She rested on the mat on the floor and beckoned me over when I indicated I wanted to lay down to rest too.

MasterDoc tried fingering her to orgasm, but oddly she wasn’t quite into it. He suggested I take over, and I had no problem making her come. It feels pretty awesome to know a woman has the hots for you and you can make her come with just your hands. I did declare after, however, that I learned my technique from the expert (MasterDoc). Her man made her come more and squirt that time. I was hot to watch.

It was getting a little late, and I had work the next morning. My last bit of encouragement went to DeeDee getting a turn next. (If you were watching all this, wouldn’t you want a sybian ride next?!?!) I don’t think she ended up on the sybian, but the nice single guy guest fucked her quite well from what I’m told. I’d be keen to play with him too, I just wasn’t feeling it that night. I tucked myself into bed and read for a bit.

Hopefully this couple (and that single guy) will come back for more play. I enjoyed myself and can see many more fun times ahead if they come back.

Busy Beaver, Part One originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on April 3, 2011.

While we were walking to his car, I realized that I didn’t have a spare key for his new-to-him car. He said that’s right, because right now there’s only one key. He has to get copies made.

Yes folks, this is foreshadowing.

We rode to the swing club in his car. I’m pleased to say it has a much better ride than his old one. It was terribly cold last night because apparently winter decided to turn around and come back to the northeast for a while. I scurried to the club since we parked down the block. Once inside, I stripped down to the mesh/lace/satin camisole I was wearing under my street clothes. I was cold still, so I kept my black cardigan on. Yes, I’m that woman who is dressed semi-sexy at the swing club because she’s cold.

We settled in, those details are pretty mundane. As we scoped out a room to play in, it was kinda odd to walk by a guy standing just inside the room we prefer with his shirt off, dick out and stroking his hard cock. He was reasonably attractive and quite fit but, uh, this struck me as creepy. I don’t know if it would strike anyone else the same way though. We laughed about how we needed to push past this wanking dude to get to the king size bed. MasterDoc ultimately decided we were just simply going to do that.

We got settled on the bed, and I was very much in sub mode. I felt even more shy than usual and avoided all eye contact with others. I scarcely knew how many guys were in the room at any time. MasterDoc had me suck his cock and he got into being quite rough and dominant – more so than he usually is at a swing club. He choked me on it a few times – holding my head down long enough that a bit of panic would set in. I’d pull away when I could, take a deep breath, and then he’d put me right back on his cock. I loved it.

The cock sucking, with occasional choking, went on for a while. My mouth was watering and nose a little sniffly by the time we were done. He had me kneel and face the doorway. I still had my sweater on, and while he did things to me I pretty much buried my face in my arms. It’s strange how I was so much more self-conscious than usual. I mean, I don’t like making eye contact to start with, but I really didn’t want to see or be seen (facially anyway) at all. A bit later I felt concerned that people might think we shouldn’t be naked (cuz we don’t have hot bodies) which is odd since I didn’t worry about this when I we were both about 50 lbs heavier! I ultimately told myself that it didn’t matter since I was having such amazing sex with a man I’m totally hot for. Who cares what other people think? I had a great time.

MasterDoc spanked the shit out of me. He caned me a bit, it sounded like there was at least a small appreciative audience. I was bewildered a little because he’s never quite that rough with me in public. He fingered me for a while, and while initially his fingernail scraped inside a bit uncomfortably, I was able to move past that. When he told me to come, I came. It was hard to keep coming when he’d hit my ass really hard again, but I came for a while.

He turned me around, and fucked me from behind. Tabitha, the porn star we’ve seen at the club before, came in and said hello. As I started getting distracted by the conversation between her and MasterDoc, MasterDoc would start pounding my cunt hard with his cock. Fuck. It was so hot the way he had me there moaning, incoherent, while he casually carried on a flirtatious conversation, trying to line up a fuck for later in the evening.

After Tabitha left, he really went at me and made me come til I squirted all over the bed. When we were finished and I got up, I found that the front hem of my chemise was soaked; totally soaked with my juices. I was happy but so tired. We cuddled a bit – I found that I was thrown off a little by such rough usage in a club. (He called me a bitch at lot. He told me to choke on his cock several times. It was hot but intense.) I felt like I needed to reconnect with the loving Dom after having spent time with the rough, mean one.

After a bit, we were both horny again from touching each other. He was stroking his cock and I was getting antsy for more fucking. We put me on my back and he went at it. He asked a guy to hold my leg and the guy did. An elderly guy reached out to touch the other but MasterDoc told him not to touch since he hadn’t told him he could touch. Trouble was, the bed (which is really an unfolded futon on a frame) started sagging towards my head and I started slipping that way. It was too uncomfortable for my back so I had to speak up. We regrouped, and he fucked me some more from on top.

This time another guy (at least, as far as I know it was a different guy – but I’m not sure) held my other leg but he pissed me off by yanking it too far outward. I told him not to do that as it hurt. Then he shifted to stroking my leg but the guy had the finesse of a spastic child. In the end, there was no way I was going to come with that dude touching me and totally distracting me.

We rested a bit, and he had me masturbate to another orgasm – which was pretty damn hot. But I realized that I was so, so tired. Since the time change I’ve been waking up too early and have been more tired than usual. All the fucking and coming had worn me out too.

We ended up sitting out in the social area, and we watched Tabitha flirt and let guys grope her. They were drawn like bees to flowers. On the sofa across from me sat this positively beautiful young man. Blond, fit, dressed well. I told MasterDoc that if I wasn’t so damn tired I’d want to fuck the guy. I kept looking at him. So perfect. He reminded me a little of Prince William when he was a very young man, before his hair started thinning and he started to look so much like his father. But I suppose this guy was better looking. MasterDoc teased me that he thought the guy might be underage. I figure since ID has to be shown to get in, that I’d be able to argue that even if he *was* underage that it was entirely reasonable that I would expect anyone I meet in there to be of age.

MasterDoc had me get on my knees and suck his cock for a while. It was a hard position to hold my back in, so I didn’t last long, but I think when I got up the cute young guy must have been looking since it appeared he was in the process of looking away.

The hot guy joined the throng around Tabitha for a bit. A nice looking couple sat in his place and MasterDoc and I both ogled the woman. She was hot, kinda nerdy, dressed more conservatively than you’d think someone would dress in a swing club. When her guy went to get them drinks, MasterDoc tried to strike up a conversation with her, but to no avail. I tried making eye contact too, but I think there wasn’t any interest.

I was incredibly tired. It was early still, around 11:30, but I just didn’t think I could do any more activity. MasterDoc agreed we could go home. (But of course he asked me a few times, “You’re sure you’re too tired, right?”) We got dressed, got our stuff out of the locker, and got our coats. But when MasterDoc checked his coat, he couldn’t find his keys. He had been concerned when he didn’t find them in the locker, but we figured they must be in his jacket. Nope.

I had my keys with me, but you have to remember that his was the ring with the only copy of the car key on it. Oy.

He tore the club apart looking. He offered to get me a cab to take me home while he waited for AAA. I decided I wasn’t tired enough to ask him to spend that money. I settled on the sofa in the social area, right near the bar, and lay down for a while. I figured no one would fuck with me there, plus I was fully dressed anyway. I rested the best I could although fatigue and the loud music was starting to give me a headache and even a bit of teeth-grinding. But somehow I stayed patient. I just reminded myself that the situation was what it was and getting upset wouldn’t change it.

MasterDoc came in and found me, and told me the good and bad news. Good news was he found the keys. The bad news was they were locked in his car in the ignition. Well at least he wouldn’t have to pay for locks on his car to be changed. We just had to wait for AAA to send someone to get into the car. MasterDoc wondered aloud if he could go fuck while he waited, and I told him he was certainly welcome to as far as I was concerned (not that he needs my permission!). I had a place to lay down and there was no reason he shouldn’t enjoy himself. He went off but soon came back as there was too long a line around Tabitha. He checked again later but I don’t think he got his extracurricular fuck that night.

AAA called MasterDoc’s cell phone and he went out to the car to meet them. I used the loo one last time and joined him after. They were just getting the car door open when I got there. It was freezing (I am so sick of the months of cold weather we’ve had around here!) but MasterDoc started up the car to warm me up while he settled with the guy who got the door open. Happily, over an hour after we tried to leave, we got on the road and went home.

The Key to a Good Evening originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on March 27, 2011.

Continuing in the humiliation play vein, MasterDoc told me to get my collar. He asked if I could crawl to the closet near the front door to look for the duct tape so he could gag me. I mentioned that I fit the athletic knee pads he has better now, and with them on I could handle it. Once my collar and the knee pads were on, he instructed me to crawl to DeeDee’s room first and say hello. Then I could crawl to the closet to look for duct tape. I hid my face in my hands in embarrassment and told him I couldn’t do that.

“Oh please Sir, please don’t make me do that!”

He did.

I crawled across the wood floor to DeeDee’s room and knocked from my spot on all fours. I ducked my head in when she said hello, and while embarrassed I knew she would understand. I chatted briefly with her and explained what I was doing on all fours. She said, “Sounds like you’re in for quite an evening! Enjoy!”

I crawled away and down the long hallway. I couldn’t find the duct tape with the other tools and such. I had to crawl back and let MasterDoc know. He didn’t mind and I pointed out that we had gags and bondage tape. He liked the bondage tape idea. Before he’d let me get up from the floor, he had me bark like a dog a bit. I find that while silly and embarrassing, I can do the barking without too much self-consciousness. (In private. I think in public it would be significantly more difficult.)

He had me get on all fours on the bed for the beating I was so in need of. He caned me, hard. But still, he made me come from the caning alone. Sometimes I surprise even myself with how this little masochist can manage to turn pain into pleasure.

He fucked me from behind but unfortunately as I ended up pressed forward over the axis shape the angle ended up wrong. It felt like his cock was pushing against my intestines and uterus. I couldn’t come when he gave the command – something that rarely happens, but as we’re only human it does happen sometimes.

MasterDoc decided to rectify the situation by putting bondage tape around my head, covering my mouth. Gags make me so hot. I definitely find helplessness hot. He used his hand and made me come hard. When he slaps my cunt I come. I loved feeling like his slut. I hadn’t worried when I didn’t manage to come earlier, I knew he could ensure I came. I’m so glad to have a Dom who’s not into orgasm denial. My masochism does NOT extend into going without orgasm for a long time.

The title of this post comes from when we were cuddling after. He said, “Thank you for being with me.” He’s wonderful about saying things like that. I’m not always good at hearing them. I heard him this time and replied, “Thank you for having me, Sir.”

“Thank you for being with me.” “Thank you for having me, Sir.” originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on February 21, 2011.

Initially, Puppy was the name for one of MasterDoc’s young submissive playmates. I’ve only met her a couple of times when she’d be out east to visit him during a school break (college student). I’m not sure how Puppy came to be her name as MasterDoc says they don’t really do much puppy play together. Regardless, the name “Puppy” will always be associated with her for me.

But, as in “a puppy” there’s plenty of room for more than one puppy.

As I contemplate the nature of puppies (as in young dogs) I can see parallels to my role in that household. Puppies, while they’re dogs¹, are young so they don’t totally understand the grown dog’s impulses. However they do understand much of what the dog is interested in. Puppies are still learning and mostly they’re eager to please. They’re awfully cute and lovable. (Whoo – steady – flash of self-esteem there!)

Puppies make mistakes. Sometimes they behave badly and act out. But they do respond well to love and attention. They can be trained. They like to play.

Puppies tend to be very devoted and not terribly independent. Dogs are far more independent.

I tried to figure out what breed I’d be best represented by and my first impressions were beagles (I had a beagle/basset mutt as a child) or a cocker spaniel. Both are friendly, sweet dogs (and cute to boot!). I then looked up a “what kind of dog are you” quiz online – silly, I know, but I took the first one that popped up in search results and it came up with cocker spaniel. I think we have a winner. Now to find a cute stuffed one for MasterDoc’s place.

As he and I hung out Monday night, he teasingly started moving his Edy’s fruit bar towards my body – he knows I hate cold! I whimpered like a puppy in response, and he noticed that it was totally puppy-like. Today when I told him online that I had a headache while at work, he wrote back, *pets the puppy.* We’ve both embraced this quite easily. He says that I make a cute puppy and he’s a good top dog. (Indeed!) The whole dog/puppy thing clearly parallels Dom/sub for us. I don’t think I’ll go out of my way to really get into puppy play, but it’s cute sometimes when he calls me a puppy to answer “rawrf!” or something.

¹(MasterDoc is represented by a dog – always going around chasing pussy. I say this affectionately and teasingly.)

Of Submissive Puppies originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on January 18, 2011.