Archive for the 'consensual non-consent' Category

DP

Published on May 17, 2011 in anal, analingus, bdsm, blow jobs, consensual non-consent, cunt, D/s, DeeDee, dom, dp, horny, kink, libido, masturbation, nipple clamps, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, poly, prostate massage, sex, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive, swinging, threesome and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I’m a naughty girl and terribly behind in my blogging again. I took notes for two of the three encounters I’ve enjoyed since midweek, but fleshing them out has taken a backseat.

Last Wednesday I had a night alone with MasterDoc and he put the easier nipple clamps on (i.e., not clover clamps). I got into the pain. It wasn’t as unbearable as the clover clamps. He pinched and twisted them, too and placed the clamps’ chain between my teeth. The problem with that was I had to hold my head up off the pillow to reach the chain and a sore neck was not the intention.

I should mention that MasterDoc is a considerate Dom. If I speak up about something I’d like more of than we’ve been doing, he will take my wishes under consideration – and often the item at hand will come up in our sex soon after. The nipple play was a recent request – I’m not sure why that became something he didn’t really do for a while. Such things happen. I’ve also mentioned that I love his talking dirty to me. He did that on Wednesday and said he liked having my body to play with. I just swooned into his arms. He very nearly could have made me come there.

My neck was bothering me, and my body sore and tired from exercise and a long day, so we shifted to me using the Siri vibe on myself since needed to lay flat for a while. MasterDoc touched me to add that fabulous element to my masturbation, but in some respects he was too gentle. I missed the raw dirty talk he had been giving me just a short time before. That night, I had a hard time with getting and staying aroused. I blame the fatigue. I did come. Just not the way I usually do.

He fucked from on top with the blindfold on and while I suppose I often find that hot, I found that not being able to see him reduced my arousal. Phooey. As I’ve said, these things happen.

He fucked me doggy style next. Again I had problems getting and staying aroused. But he managed to push me to orgasm before we were through. Sometimes the push was verbal – yay more dirty talk! Finally, I helped him come via massaging his thighs and ass, then licked his asshole like he likes and finally finished things off with a prostate massage.

It’s kinda funny now to think that analingus was a hard limit when I filled in a bdsm checklist when I first met MasterDoc.

Saturday night we had fabulous sex that lifted me from the mild depression I was in. I didn’t take notes. My sieve-like brain can’t remember details. Yeah I suck. But the sex was awesome and you will just have to trust me. Unfortunately, when we went back to hanging out after the sex my mildly depressed and rather withdrawn mood returned. Ordinarily there would have been another round, but I felt so tired from the depression that I wasn’t up to it.

On Sunday, we had over another Dom who contacted MasterDoc on fetlife after reading my profile where I say that if a Dom wants to play with me, they should contact my Dom as it’s his decision. This was perfect timing since we’ve come to realize that I need someone to play with so I get enough sex – and that totally vanilla sex probably wouldn’t work for me for an ongoing fuck buddy situation. I have a high sex drive, and while MasterDoc certainly does too, he likes variety and dates or fucks various women so his high libido is shared with many.

Well this other Dom is a very attractive guy, in his 40s, and really into rough sex and being down and dirty. I don’t usually go for athletic builds (it’s not on my list of must have criteria in a man, though it’s certainly not a deal breaker or anything) but I have to say I do appreciate the lean, muscled body this Dom has developed. He has experience wrestling and uses it to good effect in a bdsm setting. But perhaps I’m jumping ahead…..

MasterDoc had me sitting on floor at his feet when “another Dom” came in. (I need a pseudonym for him.) DeeDee answered the door in her sexy maid’s outfit – I find the maid outfit embarrassing on me, but DeeDee loves the theatricality of it.

We talked for a bit – mostly he and MasterDoc – and then MasterDoc indicated we should adjourn to the bedroom. I don’t get MFM threesomes often, and damn I enjoy them. MasterDoc had me start off by sucking his cock. During this he invited the guy over to grab my ass. (I was in a bra and sexy black slip.) The other guy slapped my ass – hard! He seems to have a heavier hand than most. Not sure I can handle such hard hits, which I spoke up about of course, as did MasterDoc and the guy laid off the hard spanks.

This guy goes for the gusto when having sex and after just a brief bit of dirty talk in my ear, he went for my pussy and decided to see if I truly do squirt. His fingers made me come in no time. Of course I held off until MasterDoc told me to come. I squirted a whole lot. The throe was soaked.

Next I sucked the new guy’s cock. There was lots of gagging, with saliva flowing. He spit on my face – the first time I’d ever experienced it. I wasn’t sure if I’d like it but I did find it kinda hot. MasterDoc was uncomfortable that something as edgy as spitting would be brought in without negotiation (I concur). That got addressed a bit later.

MasterDoc fucked me while I sucked the guy’s cock. This was Hot! (With a capital “h”) Then they switched and the other guy fucked me while I sucked MasterDoc’s cock. (Again, hot with a capital “h.”) Next the guy fucked me up the ass (I seem to be making this “anal upon first meeting” thing a habit.) He made me come a whole lot while fucking my ass.

I can’t even begin to estimate how many times I came that evening.

We took a break, but as dinner had not yet arrived, after a conversation on limits we went back for more. MasterDoc suggested we try double penetration – I’ve never experienced it, just frustrating attempts. MasterDoc lay on the bed, I got on top of his cock, then the other guy went to work his cock into my ass. It was still hard to get proper angle – my butt’s a bit sore from where it was poked before he got it in. But the struggling was brief, and holy shit it worked! It felt… like I was being fucked in two holes at once. I know that sounds self-explanatory but it’s the only way I can think to describe it. While I felt quite filled it wasn’t uncomfortable like I had worried it would be. Both orifices expanded to make each penetration comfortable in and of itself. As they both fucked me I just kept on coming over and over. Good, primal, grunting and screaming orgasms.

After a break for dinner, the guy was up for one more fuck. We went into the bedroom and I sucked his cock, gagging on it. He had me lay on the bed and he fucked me from on top. He pinned me down – there’s that wrestler skill! – and fucked me like there’s no tomorrow. Dude is in shape. I couldn’t believe how long he fucked me at a hard, relentless pace. Most guys can’t do that. Of course, I loved it. He put his hand on face from time to time, holding my head to the side while he continued to fuck me. This was hot and would inevitably make me come harder. I began to wonder which of us would ask to stop first. He did, but I was pretty fucked-out by that time myself.

Since this went well, I’m free to schedule casual fucks with this guy when I have free time. Neither of us has a lot of free time, and who knows how often it will coincide, but it’s nice to think there’s another cock out there I can call on when I need something extra – a cock that comes with rough sex.

The Key to a Good Evening

Published on March 27, 2011 in bdsm, blow jobs, caning, consensual non-consent, cunt, D/s, DeeDee, exhibitionism, forced orgasm, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex parties, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

DeeDee opted to stay home when we went out Friday night. MasterDoc had made her come so hard in the afternoon (while he was fucking her up the ass and she was using the magic wand) that she developed a terrible sex headache. He later bragged about this to one of the porn stars visiting the swing club.

While we were walking to his car, I realized that I didn’t have a spare key for his new-to-him car. He said that’s right, because right now there’s only one key. He has to get copies made.

Yes folks, this is foreshadowing.

We rode to the swing club in his car. I’m pleased to say it has a much better ride than his old one. It was terribly cold last night because apparently winter decided to turn around and come back to the northeast for a while. I scurried to the club since we parked down the block. Once inside, I stripped down to the mesh/lace/satin camisole I was wearing under my street clothes. I was cold still, so I kept my black cardigan on. Yes, I’m that woman who is dressed semi-sexy at the swing club because she’s cold.

We settled in, those details are pretty mundane. As we scoped out a room to play in, it was kinda odd to walk by a guy standing just inside the room we prefer with his shirt off, dick out and stroking his hard cock. He was reasonably attractive and quite fit but, uh, this struck me as creepy. I don’t know if it would strike anyone else the same way though. We laughed about how we needed to push past this wanking dude to get to the king size bed. MasterDoc ultimately decided we were just simply going to do that.

We got settled on the bed, and I was very much in sub mode. I felt even more shy than usual and avoided all eye contact with others. I scarcely knew how many guys were in the room at any time. MasterDoc had me suck his cock and he got into being quite rough and dominant – more so than he usually is at a swing club. He choked me on it a few times – holding my head down long enough that a bit of panic would set in. I’d pull away when I could, take a deep breath, and then he’d put me right back on his cock. I loved it.

The cock sucking, with occasional choking, went on for a while. My mouth was watering and nose a little sniffly by the time we were done. He had me kneel and face the doorway. I still had my sweater on, and while he did things to me I pretty much buried my face in my arms. It’s strange how I was so much more self-conscious than usual. I mean, I don’t like making eye contact to start with, but I really didn’t want to see or be seen (facially anyway) at all. A bit later I felt concerned that people might think we shouldn’t be naked (cuz we don’t have hot bodies) which is odd since I didn’t worry about this when I we were both about 50 lbs heavier! I ultimately told myself that it didn’t matter since I was having such amazing sex with a man I’m totally hot for. Who cares what other people think? I had a great time.

MasterDoc spanked the shit out of me. He caned me a bit, it sounded like there was at least a small appreciative audience. I was bewildered a little because he’s never quite that rough with me in public. He fingered me for a while, and while initially his fingernail scraped inside a bit uncomfortably, I was able to move past that. When he told me to come, I came. It was hard to keep coming when he’d hit my ass really hard again, but I came for a while.

He turned me around, and fucked me from behind. Tabitha, the porn star we’ve seen at the club before, came in and said hello. As I started getting distracted by the conversation between her and MasterDoc, MasterDoc would start pounding my cunt hard with his cock. Fuck. It was so hot the way he had me there moaning, incoherent, while he casually carried on a flirtatious conversation, trying to line up a fuck for later in the evening.

After Tabitha left, he really went at me and made me come til I squirted all over the bed. When we were finished and I got up, I found that the front hem of my chemise was soaked; totally soaked with my juices. I was happy but so tired. We cuddled a bit – I found that I was thrown off a little by such rough usage in a club. (He called me a bitch at lot. He told me to choke on his cock several times. It was hot but intense.) I felt like I needed to reconnect with the loving Dom after having spent time with the rough, mean one.

After a bit, we were both horny again from touching each other. He was stroking his cock and I was getting antsy for more fucking. We put me on my back and he went at it. He asked a guy to hold my leg and the guy did. An elderly guy reached out to touch the other but MasterDoc told him not to touch since he hadn’t told him he could touch. Trouble was, the bed (which is really an unfolded futon on a frame) started sagging towards my head and I started slipping that way. It was too uncomfortable for my back so I had to speak up. We regrouped, and he fucked me some more from on top.

This time another guy (at least, as far as I know it was a different guy – but I’m not sure) held my other leg but he pissed me off by yanking it too far outward. I told him not to do that as it hurt. Then he shifted to stroking my leg but the guy had the finesse of a spastic child. In the end, there was no way I was going to come with that dude touching me and totally distracting me.

We rested a bit, and he had me masturbate to another orgasm – which was pretty damn hot. But I realized that I was so, so tired. Since the time change I’ve been waking up too early and have been more tired than usual. All the fucking and coming had worn me out too.

We ended up sitting out in the social area, and we watched Tabitha flirt and let guys grope her. They were drawn like bees to flowers. On the sofa across from me sat this positively beautiful young man. Blond, fit, dressed well. I told MasterDoc that if I wasn’t so damn tired I’d want to fuck the guy. I kept looking at him. So perfect. He reminded me a little of Prince William when he was a very young man, before his hair started thinning and he started to look so much like his father. But I suppose this guy was better looking. MasterDoc teased me that he thought the guy might be underage. I figure since ID has to be shown to get in, that I’d be able to argue that even if he *was* underage that it was entirely reasonable that I would expect anyone I meet in there to be of age.

MasterDoc had me get on my knees and suck his cock for a while. It was a hard position to hold my back in, so I didn’t last long, but I think when I got up the cute young guy must have been looking since it appeared he was in the process of looking away.

The hot guy joined the throng around Tabitha for a bit. A nice looking couple sat in his place and MasterDoc and I both ogled the woman. She was hot, kinda nerdy, dressed more conservatively than you’d think someone would dress in a swing club. When her guy went to get them drinks, MasterDoc tried to strike up a conversation with her, but to no avail. I tried making eye contact too, but I think there wasn’t any interest.

I was incredibly tired. It was early still, around 11:30, but I just didn’t think I could do any more activity. MasterDoc agreed we could go home. (But of course he asked me a few times, “You’re sure you’re too tired, right?”) We got dressed, got our stuff out of the locker, and got our coats. But when MasterDoc checked his coat, he couldn’t find his keys. He had been concerned when he didn’t find them in the locker, but we figured they must be in his jacket. Nope.

I had my keys with me, but you have to remember that his was the ring with the only copy of the car key on it. Oy.

He tore the club apart looking. He offered to get me a cab to take me home while he waited for AAA. I decided I wasn’t tired enough to ask him to spend that money. I settled on the sofa in the social area, right near the bar, and lay down for a while. I figured no one would fuck with me there, plus I was fully dressed anyway. I rested the best I could although fatigue and the loud music was starting to give me a headache and even a bit of teeth-grinding. But somehow I stayed patient. I just reminded myself that the situation was what it was and getting upset wouldn’t change it.

MasterDoc came in and found me, and told me the good and bad news. Good news was he found the keys. The bad news was they were locked in his car in the ignition. Well at least he wouldn’t have to pay for locks on his car to be changed. We just had to wait for AAA to send someone to get into the car. MasterDoc wondered aloud if he could go fuck while he waited, and I told him he was certainly welcome to as far as I was concerned (not that he needs my permission!). I had a place to lay down and there was no reason he shouldn’t enjoy himself. He went off but soon came back as there was too long a line around Tabitha. He checked again later but I don’t think he got his extracurricular fuck that night.

AAA called MasterDoc’s cell phone and he went out to the car to meet them. I used the loo one last time and joined him after. They were just getting the car door open when I got there. It was freezing (I am so sick of the months of cold weather we’ve had around here!) but MasterDoc started up the car to warm me up while he settled with the guy who got the door open. Happily, over an hour after we tried to leave, we got on the road and went home.

Back to Normal

Published on March 17, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, consensual non-consent, D/s, emotions, forced orgasm, happy, libido, musings, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Somehow, I rediscovered my submissive spirit after the rough bit over the weekend. It was a relief to both myself and MasterDoc for things between us to seem normal again. A guy I’m talking to on a dating site has read through this blog a bit, and named a post he liked – and the funny thing is, it’s from October 2009 and I was talking about how hard it is to submit when it’s not how YOU want to submit back then too. The struggle goes on.

I focused on being good while at MasterDoc’s Wednesday night. I tried to be obedient when needed. I tried to be calm when addressing him. I felt joy in being submissive. Some days are like that, I love it. Other days are a huge struggle. I’ve been examining why I get so self-centered and I think my mother’s influence has a lot to do with it. My father is a very giving, generous person. I do have some of that in me, but my mother is self-centered – and took advantage of my father many times. So I think the combination of learning behavior from her, and having to be selfish and focus on myself since she never did, has led to my horribly spoiled, self-centered moments. I was spoiled while growing up. (An only child til my brother surprised us all and came along when I was 11.) But also, my mother was a tad verbally abusive, emotionally distant and unpredictable (so unpredictable!). I find myself to be two seemingly contradictory things at once. I have times when I’m really generous with my friends and am happy to do so. I have other times when I obsess with things evening out. (Usually the closer I am to someone the more I worry about such things. I think it’s the whole “you can be at your worst with those who love you most” thing.)

It reminds me of how sometimes people ask how I can reconcile the kinky slut with the librarian. The thing is, I don’t need to reconcile them. They are both part of the same person. I can be wonderful and I can be a real shit. These things are both true about me. I can be intelligent, professional, slutty, kinky, shy, exhibitionist, etc. all at once. All in one package. The descriptors are many.

But on to the sex! I probably won’t see MasterDoc for several days, so I was eager to get laid. (When am I not?) I realized last night that I truly love sucking his cock. I would be disappointed if I wasn’t allowed to do it. He commented that he should make me beg for it then. I focused on loving having his cock in my mouth and I managed to get him to say, “You suck a mean cock!”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” I said with a grin.

We played with some cock choking and I find at times that I can hold him deep in my throat for a moment and not gag. But eventually I need to breathe and start to gag. I think I’m still surprised that I like the gagging so much. He holds my head down on his cock and I love that he’s “making me” do it at that point. I love when I gasp for air and the saliva flows. Right after the deep breath I go right back to sucking his cock.

We were back in sync last night and MasterDoc had no trouble making me come several ways. He wrenched orgasms out of me until I reached exhaustion. (I honestly thought he might succeed in making me pass out. I kept holding my breath as I came, but then my body would make me gasp when it became too much.) He made me come from just stroking my body and talking to me. He pushed orgasm out of orgasm out of me with his probing fingers in my pussy. If the orgasm started to decline, he did something different to put me right back in the midst of deep orgasm again. He fucked me and made me come. He realized that part of what was upsetting about the weekend is that he had suddenly “lost” the ability to make me come whenever he wants. Saturday night was truly a weird night. I’m happy to say he hadn’t lost his skill.

At some point, we talked about working in (to my cunt) the large Randy dildo again sometime. He warmed me up a bit the one time we played with it but not quite enough for it to feel good. He asked if he started with smaller penetrative toys and worked his way up. I told him I didn’t think so.

“That was dumb,” he blurted out. “Oh, did I say that aloud?” I smiled because his ability to admit his own mistakes is one of the many things I love about him. (I must add, that in retrospect I think he DID use smaller penetrative toys before that big dildo. Just not for long enough.)

A cuddle after sex and many orgasms led to him making me come again from stroking my arms and legs. I am so lucky! Devoid of selfish worries and depressive episodes, I realized how utterly happy he makes me. While sharing him can be difficult, he is so wonderful that having him part time is better than having him no time. I took the time to savor the feeling of him against me. I’ll try to recall it this weekend when I don’t see him. His touch seems to release some sort of fabulous chemicals in my brain.

After sex, I got MasterDoc a snack from the kitchen, and was reminded that I still needed to clean up after dinner. (The dishwasher had been running, and since his is a little counter top one that gets water directly from the faucet, I had to put off any other cleaning til the cycle was done.) While I cleaned up, I thought about service. I realized that on some level, I should think that I’m doing these little annoying tasks so that the man I love, who makes me really happy, doesn’t have to. I think I struggle with such selflessness though because I have constant subconscious worries that I will be taken advantage of, that I won’t get my needs met. Again, this seems to stem from my upbringing and NOT from life with MasterDoc. So I continue to work on finding the joy in submission. It’s there. I just don’t always open myself up to it. While I’m afraid of truly being selfless, I think learning it to a reasonable extent would be very good for me.

Heavy Beating

Published on January 29, 2011 in bdsm, caning, consensual non-consent, D/s, dom, edge play, flogging, gags, kink, masochism, orgasm on command, sadism, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive, Uncategorized and wax play. 0 Comments

On Thursday, I asked MasterDoc if I could have a beating that night. He had just been thinking the same thing. Apparently he was in an ass whupping mood.

He used duct tape for a gag, something that really turns me on. I could just make muffled moaning noises through the gag. I knelt on the bed, ass in the air, Axis under me for support. My nose was a little stuffy so I focused a lot on how my breathing was doing. I did fine but when gasping over pain or holding my breath, as I often to when coming, I was concerned.

He startled me by starting off with wax. I didn’t hear him light the candle, but I sure felt the hot wax hit my ass. He followed up with some on my upper back, and once again on my ass. He used the vampire gloves to scratch my body. Again the feeling was unlike any other.

He still has the leather flogger with studs at the end of each strand. I keep hoping he gets it back to the Dom who owns it. *sigh* He beat me but good with that flogger that night. It delivers the type of pain that I find hard to handle. I would start pulling away from it, climbing higher on the bed. He told me to keep still and I knew I should do my best to obey.

Something that hadn’t struck me when he mentioned being in the mood to give a beating was that he was in a particularly sadistic mood.

He pushed my limits quite a bit that night. Sometimes accidentally, like when he’d grab an ass cheek to spread them and forget he was wearing the vampire glove on one hand. He took a cane to me and it hurt a great deal as well. The funny thing is, with anyone else I’d feel abused. With him I feel like it’s a challenge I want to meet. It hurts, but I know that after I will feel delightfully calm. I want to see how much I can take. (Who says subs are weak?)

It wasn’t until later that I discovered he used the largest cane on me because it was the only one in the room at the time. He held back with it since he knew the thick, heavy cane would hurt much more than the others. But again I found myself impotently screaming underneath my gag as he pushed my limits some more.

This beating went on for a long time. He would let up slightly which would give me a moment to catch my breath and register that I was ok. But shortly after he would pick up the studded flogger again.

He gave me a little time with his large, heavy buffalo flogger. After the acute pain of the other one, the large thud of the heavy flogger feels delightful. He flogged my ass with it, throwing the flogger heavily (later he complained that the big flogger uses so much effort, unlike the little one). He followed with flogging my upper back a little.

After what seemed like an eternity, he switched on the Hitachi and pressed it to my cunt. I could have come in no time flat if he wanted to make me. I held back but it was a huge struggle not to come at times. He would toss in some small flogger hits or a slap of his vampire gloved hand. I moaned like a desperate animal in heat. After a while, I could feel my cunt release a bunch of squirt and the vibe took on a splashy sound. He pushed me to orgasm for a good long time until it was apparent that my body couldn’t keep doing it. He told me I could fall forward.

I was speechless, and happy. I motioned the question of, “Could I remove the gag,” and he said yes. As he lay down on the bed next to me I pulled my dazed self closer to him. A cuddle in the aftermath of a limit pushing scene is vital.

He commented on a little blood coming out on the skin of my ass. We debated if the stripes on one cheek were cane stripes or vampire glove scratches. I’m not sure what it was but those marks are still on my ass. Scratches, I’m thinking? I actually bruised a little, something that seems nearly impossible to do to me lately. MasterDoc will be happy.

I’m happy.

Stream of Consciouness Post

Published on January 29, 2011 in bdsm, blog, blow jobs, consensual non-consent, D/s, edge play, fantasy, kink, masochism, musings, orgasm on command, random thoughts, sadism, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I’m having a lazy, quiet night to myself. I have notes jotted down (electronically) for a blog entry, but as it’s Friday night I can’t bring myself to work on something. I just want to relax.

And yet thoughts are coming to me and I feel like writing – only without worrying about getting the story wrong. (I’ve done that occasionally. Human memory is only so good.) MasterDoc points out when something I write just isn’t quite what happened, or I left out something really fun. I’ve edited many a post after hitting publish. I don’t run these posts by MasterDoc before publishing unless I feel a special need to on a particular post. But we do discuss them after. He supports and enjoys my blogging (best advertising vehicle for him ever!) and doesn’t ever outright censor me. I think it takes a truly strong Dom to give their sub free rein over the sub’s blog. I know he’s not the only one, but I really appreciate and respect him for letting me keep this outlet. (As I had this blog going before I met him.)

So instead of worrying about a recounting that could be off, maybe I’ll just do a little stream-of-consciousness writing here and describe a brief fantasy I had this evening. It takes off of what happened last night – he gave me one serious ass whupping. I got very close to crying. In the fantasy, he beats me until I beg him – truly beg him with tears rolling down my face – to stop. (I’m terrified of feeling the pain that can cause tears, but something amazing comes out of suffering. You ever notice that?)

He is merciful, so he stops with the beating. He has me blow him instead. It starts out slow and gentle and I latch on to my “slut’s pacifier.” When it’s fully hard he starts shoving it down my throat. I gag and drool runs out my mouth. He grabs me by the pigtails I have in my hair, and uses them for handles to control my head.

Tangent: It’s amazing how when done consensually these acts can be among the most intimate. There’s something about giving yourself over to someone, suffering for them, proving how devoted you are, that is amazingly intimate. I mean, I wouldn’t do this shit with most people. Currently I wouldn’t do rough sex to this extent with anyone but him. Nearly three and a half years of trust building went into this. And it was worth every second. I can only imagine how things will be as he gets further inside my head. Will he be able to put me in subspace and make me come with just a look? (I think he’ll read this and suddenly have a new aspiration.)

My fantasy didn’t go any farther. It was just a brief vignette. (I like that word.) Had it gone on it would have assuredly included orgasms. I’m not THAT much of a masochist.

Dark Fantasy

Published on January 15, 2011 in anal, bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, bondage, caning, consensual non-consent, cunnilingus, cunt, D/s, dom, edge play, exhibitionism, fantasy, gang bang, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, needle play, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

Depression is not helpful for a fun sex life, so I haven’t done anything much with MasterDoc in a few days. (Except for a therapeutic caning Tuesday night that really did seem to lift my mood.) But I’ve been thinking naughty things and figured I’d write a little fantasy. Note: I refer to MasterDoc both as Sir and MasterDoc in this story. The rest of the characters don’t have names.

I can hear people arriving from where I lay in the bedroom. I’m playing with my cunt because Sir has told me to get it ready. I have no idea who is coming into the apartment or what will happen, but I do as I’m told.

I’m fairly close to orgasm when Sir comes in. He gives me a talk, hands on either side of my face, and tells me that I’m not to let him down. I’m to be a good little cunt and do as he says. He leads me into the living room where there’s about three men and one woman. I vaguely know one or two but not the others. I’m naked, except for my collar, leather cuffs on each wrist and ankle, and a leash hanging from the D ring on my collar. Sir leads me into the center of the room with the leash.

He takes a seat in a chair, and motions for me to sit on the floor by his feet. I do so and he starts talking. “Here’s our submissive cunt for the evening. Remember, condoms are to be used for any vaginal or anal sex. You are free to fuck her or make her go down on you as you wish, but you must clear any pain play with me first.”

I don’t know whether to be excited or scared. I’m looked at like a piece of meat laid out for a pack of hungry animals. He sends me around to each of our guests and instructs me to nuzzle their crotches through their pants. I crawl up to where each sits and do as I’m told, catching a whiff of muskiness from each crotch.

After I’ve finished this, he says, “Come back here slut. It’s time we got you warmed up.” These words make me anticipate genital stimulation, but when he grabs the canes I realize that’s not what he had in mind.

My wrist cuffs are joined together in front of me by a carabiner – something too short for me to undo myself. He swats my ass with the canes as I kneel face down, ass up. I hold still when I can handle the sensation but flinch forward when it hurts. The crowd admonishes me to say still whenever I flinch and I do my best. When my ass is quite sore, MasterDoc has me kneel on the floor and take his cock out of his pants with my bound hands. I suck him hard, and when his cock is its full size he grabs hold of my hair tightly. One of the guests says, “Oh yeah, choke her on it!’

He forces my head down so that his cock is entirely in my mouth. I can feel my throat working as I struggle not to gag. I last several seconds, and then MasterDoc pulls my head away as globs of saliva run down my chin and form a string between his cock and my mouth. He does this several times until I’m breathless and a bit lightheaded. Sometimes he slaps my face when he’s pulled it off his cock. I can feel the hands of some of our guests start to grope my body. One hand checks out my wet cunt. Another squeezes a nipple.

I am thrust back down onto the floor but this time on my back. The woman grabs hold of my cuffs and holds my hands above my head. One of the men takes a cane to my thighs and cunt when MasterDoc hands it to him. I figure this was something pre-agreed upon. Thankfully, Sir had passed him the lightest cane we have.

Still, ugly red stripes start to form on my inner thighs. When he smacks my cunt with it I think I can’t possibly handle the pain. One of the men places a strip of duct tape across my mouth so my cries won’t disturb the neighbors. MasterDoc and one of the other men holds my legs apart so I can’t get away from the cane blows.

Just as the pain makes me cry, MasterDoc signals to stop. Our guests back off, and MasterDoc holds me on the floor for a little while, telling me what a good girl I am. I cry softly, but it’s a cathartic release rather than any sadness.

Dinner delivery arrives and I wonder if the delivery person can see me naked and limp on the floor in the living room. My wrists are undone and the tape removed from my mouth so I can get up and serve dinner. I set the table, fetch drinks for our guests. They take liberties in touching me as I move around the table serving. Beforehand Sir told me I would be eating dinner on the floor. One of the men secures my wrist cuffs behind my back, and I have to eat without my hands, out of a bowl. Since leaning forward with my hands behind me would be too difficult, I am graciously allowed to have my bowl on a low stool so I don’t have to bend as far. As the guests eat and talk I’m mostly ignored, until one of them wants to comment on the mess on my face. I think to myself that there are animals with more dignity than I have right then. I eat as best I can. One of the men wipes my face with a warm, wet cloth and then pulls me by the hair until my mouth envelops his cock.

I suck and feel more hands on my body. I’m helpless as my wrists are behind me. I get pinched, poked, prodded. Someone produces a vibrator and holds it to my clit. It becomes so difficult to focus on my work on our guests’ cock that I slow down my efforts. I get my hair yanked and admonished to “Get back to work you dirty whore!” I try to focus but the vibe on my clit keeps distracting me.

My head gets moved around so I can suck all the cocks there. MasterDoc is stroking his cock and sizing me up as to what to do next.

I’m taken into the bedroom, where he lubes up my ass. My wrists are unbound so I can support myself in doggy-style. The woman takes off her clothes and lays down so my mouth is right at her crotch. I’m instructed to lick her pussy well (lest I get punished) and MasterDoc shoves his cock into my ass. He fucks me and I lick the clit and lips of this woman’s wet cunt. She moans and it seems like I’m doing a good job. MasterDoc, however, keeps varying his speed so I get terribly aroused and distracted. I’m desperate to come but I know that it won’t happen quickly tonight.

I had been asking for resistance play sometime, and I was told earlier that I would get it tonight. After a short break, for which I’m thankful, Sir slaps my face and grabs me by the hair. “Time to fight, cunt.” he tells me.

I struggle to get loose but of course our guests join in and grab various limbs. I feel myself forced onto the bed where my cuffs get secured to the underbed restraints. I struggle up until the last moment and at times I manage to slip an arm or a leg away from my tormentors. But in the end it’s useless. I’m spread eagle on the bed, terribly vulnerable. I’m gagged again, and blindfolded this time.

I feel the cool rub of alcohol swabs at various points on my body. MasterDoc gives a demonstration of play piercing to our guests. I get called all sorts of degrading names – fuck hole, pincushion, slut, cunt, bitch – while he pierces me. I get incredibly anxious when I feel him swab my outer labia – both sides. “This is gonna hurt, cunt.” he tells me. He has me breathe in deeply, and then while I’m breathing out he slides a sharp, sharp needle through one of my outer labia. We’ve done this before, but it’s still somehow shocking to have my labia pierced.

Sir strokes my body (and probably some guests do too, I’m not sure since I can’t see) to soothe me before he plants another needle in the other labia. He tugs on it a bit and I moan under my gag. A few more needles go in the skin on my chest, these are a bit hesitant so I wonder if it’s one or more of the guests doing the piercing. I can hear someone’s breath drawn in sharply. They’ve gotten a thrill from piercing me. From making me hurt. One of them says something admiringly about the tiny drop of blood that one of the piercings has brought out.

The needles are withdrawn and I can hear movements. Next thing I know, I’m being fucked by guest after guest. I’m allowed to come during this and keep orgasming too many times to count. The woman goes at me with her strap on. She’s positively vicious with pinching my nipples. The gag is taken off and a cock shoved into my mouth while my cunt is being fucked. The dual action of a cock being shoved into my throat and a cock being shoved into my cunt is overwhelming. Soon I’m gasping and drooling between cock thrusts. The lot of them make me come more than I ever thought possible while taking turns violating my body. I squirt a few times and can feel the throe beneath me soaking wet.

“You said you wanted me to be rougher with you,” says MasterDoc. He rips off the blindfold and I watch him jerk off onto throe. The guests undo my bindings, and MasterDoc shoves my face into his come and rubs me into it. As he holds my head to the puddle of come, I can feel other guys shooting their loads all over my back. I’m a totally come-covered whore. And honestly, it’s bliss.

The guys take me into the shower and MasterDoc commands me to kneel down. I’m sticky with come and they offer to rinse me off. It seems like I’m instantly surrounded and they’re all pissing on me. I cry silently from the humiliation. They all tell me what a dirty piss whore I am.

They leave me, reeking of piss and shivering in the cold tub. The last thing Sir said when he left was that I was allowed to shower. I quickly rinse the piss off my body and out of my hair. I towel off and put my cuffs and collar back on and return to the living room where everyone’s having drinks.

MasterDoc motions for me to sit on the sofa next to him and I do. He puts his solid arms around me and kisses my forehead. “You’ve been a very good slut today. I’m proud of you.” I glow with pride over having been used, abused and come through it feeling amazingly calm. Endorphins rock.

Our guests leave a short time later, all thanking me for the good time. I thank them of course and MasterDoc has me kneel on the floor and kiss everyone’s crotches goodbye.

After they’ve left, we snuggle in bed. I’m exhausted but so very happy.

Fantasy Vignettes

Published on January 4, 2011 in bdsm, blow jobs, bondage, caning, consensual non-consent, D/s, edge play, exhibitionism, fantasy, gags, gang bang, horny, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, piss play, restraints, sadism, sex, sex parties, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive, swinging and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

Scene 1: I’ve been kidnapped and I awaken tied up, naked, wrists and ankles bound, duct tape across my mouth. He teases and tantalizes my body despite my protests. My nipples receive the clover clamps. He grabs me by the hair and makes me suck his cock after he rips the tape off. He makes me come over and over despite my fighting it. He fucks me while I’m unable to get away because I’m bound.

Scene 2: Struggling with him, fighting him off. Him calling me a whore and other degrading things. Him slapping me around. Him spanking me even when I start getting desperate for him to stop. He could just gag me with duct tape and go to town on my ass with the cane. I could lay over the axis for the beating, and then be in just the right position for a fucking.

Scene 3: He fucks my mouth as I hang my head off the end of the bed. He gags me repeatedly on his cock. At the end, he comes all over my face.

Scene 4: He blindfolds me and lets all sorts of people at the swing club play with me and fuck me. I don’t get to know who fucked me.

Scene 5: I’m intoxicated to the edge of sleep and then fucked repeatedly by a group of men, all orchestrated by MasterDoc. This would be videotaped so I could fully enjoy after.

Scene 6: I have to do my best to move around and do things like suck his cock while my arms are restrained behind my back.

Scene 7: I become his slave for a few hours. I have to sit at his feet. I have to be always respectful or I get the cane. He would use me as he likes sexually. He can make me sit in the corner or tie me to something at a whim. I’d have to get his permission to use the toilet. He would make me wait until I was desperate and begging for it, and then he’d bring me (by leash perhaps?) into the bathroom, where he’d let me pee in the tub through my panties.

Scene 8: I ‘m bound at a party at his place (possibly just hands behind back or perhaps some ankle restraint as well so I have to shuffle along as I walk) and the guests get to play with my naked body as it pleases them. My hands are released for dinner but I have to eat mine out of a bowl on the floor, seated next to his chair, while the guests eat at the table. He later makes me masturbate to orgasm in front of the crowd. With a little luck, I squirt when I come.

Random Ramblings

Published on January 2, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, consensual non-consent, D/s, dating, depression, kink, musings, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, poly, porn, sex, shio, slut, squirting, submissive, threesome and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

I’ve struggled with depression and loneliness (and neediness) lately. (Not that this is anything new.) I got to see MasterDoc Thursday night through Sunday morning after not seeing him for a few days. I cherish my time alone with him (although I really like hanging out with DeeDee, too). I’ve felt a bit down lately about how everyone close to me (MasterDoc, DeeDee, some friends) is truly living the poly life and having fun and relationships with a few different people. I do date Blondie as well, but she’s been away and busy over the holidays. I feel bummed about going days without intimacy or physical affection (orgasms are nice too).

I read Colette’s novel Cheri recently (and The Last of Cheri) and was intrigued with the older courtesan, Lea, having an affair with the young, vain and terribly handsome Cheri. It was the sort of relationship where she taught him the arts of the boudoir, they enjoyed each others company, but knew it was never meant to last forever. I think that’s something I’d like for myself. The man needn’t be young. Experience is more desirable to me than inexperience. I don’t want a relationship that takes a lot of time and effort. I want a companion to spend time with once a week or so. I want mutual affection but not a romance.

Of course even this sort of deal requires some effort.

I think I also feel lonely lately because the chasm between my being a frequent visitor at MasterDoc’s, but not being someone who actually lives there, seems to be opening up even more for me. It’s not easy having chores at his place (AND chores at my place) but not having a bedroom that I can really consider the one I sleep in. I’m partial to the playroom because I like the bed and the fact there’s a bedside table for me there, but as it’s the playroom I can’t just make that my space while I’m there. I have a few drawers with some things in it in that room, but I don’t really have a “place.” And if I’m not scheduled to hang out with MasterDoc I feel like I’ve overstayed my welcome if I hang out. I used to feel welcome all the time in his place.

I like my apartment. I like having a place to keep just as I want it, a place to decorate as I wish. But it can be horribly lonely sometimes. I’m one of those strangest of people – an introvert who doesn’t like being alone too much. I like spending time alone with others in the house. My “time alone” happens in my head when I’m not interrupted.

But the past few days I’ve been at MasterDoc’s and I haven’t been alone. He was sick with a cold when I got there, so I felt bummed that while he saw another lady the night before (I think) and DeeDee was having very audible fun with her other gentleman, that I hadn’t had anything for days and didn’t look likely to get anything from my sick and tired Dom. I find lately that even though I’m still very horny, I crave the physical affection and touch more than anything. By the next day MasterDoc was feeling a bit better. We got some alone time and he gave me marvelous orgasms.

I’m blanking out on the details, but I know it felt good. The next morning I felt a bit sore down there – not sure why I’m feeling inflamed since I can’t recall exactly what we did (I think thrusting fingers played a part), but it’s an ok kinda sore. The following night, DeeDee went out to play with our friend S and one of her guys. We put on (at my suggestion for once) theupperfloor.com and watched a couple of videos as we had dinner and started getting things moving on the couch. He took me into the bedroom and had me get ready for his cock immediately. I got laid for the first time in days. Whoo hoo! But then my irritated vag couldn’t take it and we had to stop. MasterDoc improvised and make me come til I was exhausted by rubbing my upper labia and clit, giving the vaginal opening a break. I got to suck his cock, which I love, and I keep hoping he’ll come on my face one day.

He’s tried making me come until I pass out, but it seems like I’m more of the collapsing type. It’s something else when he pushes me and pushes me, and I think that I just can’t come any more but he keeps up the stimulation and I come again. And again. I’m helpless under his hands. He’s doing a lot of this lately.

I’ve been getting itchy to try role play. Or a scene with more formalized D/s behavior and theme. I want to be taken roughly. I want that gangbang I’ve been promised.

But I’m the submissive, and while my wants do get taken into consideration, it’s not always about me. When our friend S visited, MasterDoc got her and I cuddling on either side of him on the bed in the playroom. He told us he wanted us to both suck his cock, and he had me start. It was lots of fun to watch his face while S blew him. He was clearly feeling good, and I like when he feels good.

Needs

Published on December 28, 2010 in anal, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, consensual non-consent, cunnilingus, D/s, depression, electrosex/tens unit, flogging, humiliation play, impulses, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, Uncategorized and wishing box. 0 Comments

Perhaps after being sick I just needed some deep reconnection. When you’re sick, you’re very isolated. You are the only one going through what you’re going through, plus others keep a distance to avoid contagion. The aches and pains and nose blowing keeps your focus and takes away from your interactions with others. You withdraw because you need the rest.

When I was fairly over being sick, MasterDoc and I had sex a couple of times, but somehow it was not quite what I needed. He pissed on me. I came, much to my continuing shame. He beat me. He really pushed my pain tolerance. And he made me come. I hit a soothing state of calm and relaxation post-beating. But somehow I still didn’t feel satisfied. I felt guilt over this. But I still felt like something I needed wasn’t being met. After talks, I think MasterDoc figured out what I needed, because that’s what he gave me. That evening he said lovely things about being happy with me, me being cute, etc. I needed reassurance that I was still attractive. I needed reassurance that I was still loved. I know the last bit sounds strange, after all I certainly know he loves me. But I just needed to be reassured. And I felt soothed by his love and reassurances. I needed attention. I had felt frustrated earlier because he used the “suck my dick and then hop on for a ride” thing two days in a row (i.e., no foreplay for Nadia). I felt distanced, I felt like my enjoyment of the sex didn’t make a difference. I felt removed from the sex. This depressed me.

Well ok, brain chemicals made me depressed, but this is what I got depressed about when given the right mental climate.

I craved touch. I craved attention. I realized that the touching was more important to me than the orgasms that night. And so he held me. He caressed me. I felt so much better in his arms and with his hands on me. I just needed to be touched. I think probably everything else could have been the same and if more touching was just added I would have found it satisfying as usual. My skin was hungry.

The next day he did more of the same. He told me that while he thinks it’s “lazy Dom’s prerogative” to tell the sub to get aroused and ready for fucking without any help, he doesn’t think that should be the norm and he could understand how it seems like a trend to me – but it really isn’t a trend in our sex life. He took time to play with my ass with the e-stim machine. My cunt was wet and swollen and as he zapped my ass I was so aroused. He fingered me, toyed with my clit. He made me come and squirt.

He continued to be very hands on, and I was happy to have him fuck me. He fucked me from behind and I savored when he’d grab hold of me and give me a good fucking. I think in addition to touch I crave being “taken.” I’ve been thinking lately that I want to be able to role play becoming someone’s sex slave involuntarily. For some reason I get turned on by pretending I don’t want to do what I’m doing sexually. I want to be physically forced or encouraged to do things. I want to be be tied up (or cuffed, rather) and gagged.

But I digress. I toyed with his balls and such with my Siri vibrating. When he did eventually ask if I could get on top of his cock and ride, I was thoroughly into it. I fucked him, rocking myself back and forth on his cock. I came so close to orgasm. He kept taking me to the edge. It was almost as if I couldn’t get enough of his cock sliding in and out of me. I wanted to come so, so badly.

I had to stop when my hips got sore and tired. I can do straddling for only so long. I lay next to him and he had enjoyed the fuck wholeheartedly. I still wanted to come, so I calmly mentioned that yes, the fuck was amazing, but I had wanted to come so badly. Since I asked nicely, he helped me come by using his fingers. I squirted some more and was just bowled over by the feeling of his hands in my cunt, on my cunt, around my cunt.

Tuesday Night Alone with MasterDoc

Published on August 28, 2010 in analingus, bdsm, consensual non-consent, cunt, D/s, dom, horny, humiliation play, kink, masturbation, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, sex toys, submissive, trust and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

DeeDee had a date one evening this past week, and I got to spend time alone with MasterDoc. I was feeling extremely submissive and I’ll bet he picked up on that. While we sat on the couch, moving towards having sex, he made me lick his ass. I’m getting more and more used to it, even though I still don’t like doing it, and I did good job rimming him.

In the bedroom, I cuddled with him and stroked his body. He sounded like he was going to come various times and I was concerned by my usual being left out/not getting to come fears. But this time I told myself, “He always takes care of me, I should just trust that he will.” And so I kept writhing against him, touching his body – ass, back, arms, neck, groin. I breathed heavy into his ear as I pressed my body to his.

He did come from my touches and him stroking his cock. He shot pretty far on the bed. He had me clean up and then we had dessert. I was yearning for sexual attention, but I behaved myself.

I asked if I could lay down – mainly to rest and relax but I was also hoping he’d start playing with my body. He did. He played with my pussy til I was breathing heavy and close to coming. They were delicate touches but his touch makes me tingle. He teased me a bit and I must have had such a set of blue balls – metaphorically speaking. He told me to come and come I did. He would let me rest slightly then amp up the sensation to make me come again. I would think to myself, “I’m done,” but then he would make me come again. I grabbed hold of his arm as I came, thrashing about.

Post orgasm I lay there fantasizing about him grabbing the Randy (which I won recently on twitter from Vixen Creations, mine’s “vanilla” flesh-colored rather than the black one on Babeland’s site) and telling me it’s time we see if we can fit it in my cunt. Rowr. I kept tormenting myself with more sexy thoughts.

He turned to me in middle of cuddling and asked if I wanted him to pee on me – not willing to do it but wanted . I couldn’t reply. Part of me wanted it and the other part of me was horrified that I wanted it. He seemed to back off, but I kept thinking that it would be hot for him to make me do something I hate – and it’s not that the act is hot for me. Being pissed on in and of itself isn’t erotic for me, but him grabbing me by the hair taking me down the hall to the bathroom, barking an order for me to kneel in the tub…. and then he pisses on me, in my ass, in my mouth – the last one being terribly forced. I don’t want him to piss in my mouth, but I do want to feel like he owns me and will do it if it pleases him. Does that make sense? Ultimately though, the fooling around was over for the evening.