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Heavy Beating

Published on January 29, 2011 in bdsm, caning, consensual non-consent, D/s, dom, edge play, flogging, gags, kink, masochism, orgasm on command, sadism, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive, Uncategorized and wax play. 0 Comments

On Thursday, I asked MasterDoc if I could have a beating that night. He had just been thinking the same thing. Apparently he was in an ass whupping mood.

He used duct tape for a gag, something that really turns me on. I could just make muffled moaning noises through the gag. I knelt on the bed, ass in the air, Axis under me for support. My nose was a little stuffy so I focused a lot on how my breathing was doing. I did fine but when gasping over pain or holding my breath, as I often to when coming, I was concerned.

He startled me by starting off with wax. I didn’t hear him light the candle, but I sure felt the hot wax hit my ass. He followed up with some on my upper back, and once again on my ass. He used the vampire gloves to scratch my body. Again the feeling was unlike any other.

He still has the leather flogger with studs at the end of each strand. I keep hoping he gets it back to the Dom who owns it. *sigh* He beat me but good with that flogger that night. It delivers the type of pain that I find hard to handle. I would start pulling away from it, climbing higher on the bed. He told me to keep still and I knew I should do my best to obey.

Something that hadn’t struck me when he mentioned being in the mood to give a beating was that he was in a particularly sadistic mood.

He pushed my limits quite a bit that night. Sometimes accidentally, like when he’d grab an ass cheek to spread them and forget he was wearing the vampire glove on one hand. He took a cane to me and it hurt a great deal as well. The funny thing is, with anyone else I’d feel abused. With him I feel like it’s a challenge I want to meet. It hurts, but I know that after I will feel delightfully calm. I want to see how much I can take. (Who says subs are weak?)

It wasn’t until later that I discovered he used the largest cane on me because it was the only one in the room at the time. He held back with it since he knew the thick, heavy cane would hurt much more than the others. But again I found myself impotently screaming underneath my gag as he pushed my limits some more.

This beating went on for a long time. He would let up slightly which would give me a moment to catch my breath and register that I was ok. But shortly after he would pick up the studded flogger again.

He gave me a little time with his large, heavy buffalo flogger. After the acute pain of the other one, the large thud of the heavy flogger feels delightful. He flogged my ass with it, throwing the flogger heavily (later he complained that the big flogger uses so much effort, unlike the little one). He followed with flogging my upper back a little.

After what seemed like an eternity, he switched on the Hitachi and pressed it to my cunt. I could have come in no time flat if he wanted to make me. I held back but it was a huge struggle not to come at times. He would toss in some small flogger hits or a slap of his vampire gloved hand. I moaned like a desperate animal in heat. After a while, I could feel my cunt release a bunch of squirt and the vibe took on a splashy sound. He pushed me to orgasm for a good long time until it was apparent that my body couldn’t keep doing it. He told me I could fall forward.

I was speechless, and happy. I motioned the question of, “Could I remove the gag,” and he said yes. As he lay down on the bed next to me I pulled my dazed self closer to him. A cuddle in the aftermath of a limit pushing scene is vital.

He commented on a little blood coming out on the skin of my ass. We debated if the stripes on one cheek were cane stripes or vampire glove scratches. I’m not sure what it was but those marks are still on my ass. Scratches, I’m thinking? I actually bruised a little, something that seems nearly impossible to do to me lately. MasterDoc will be happy.

I’m happy.

Lucky

Published on January 24, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, bondage, caning, crazy, D/s, depression, emotions, gags, kink, masochism, mental illness, orgasm on command, restraints, sadism, sex toys, spanking and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Occasionally a Dominant will read this blog and declare that MasterDoc is lucky to have me. What they don’t see is the work that goes into being my Dom and taking care of me. I make no bones about my struggle with depression and some days MasterDoc really has his hands full with me.

Certainly, in some ways he is lucky. But when I’ve slipped into depression and not realized that’s what it is, I can be horrible. The other day I just kept complaining and complaining. If my words were to be believed, MasterDoc can’t do anything right. Thankfully, part way through the day I realized MasterDoc was NOT the issue at all – depression was. Still, it was a hard day for him, but bless his heart he was patient with me the whole time, refusing to give up on me even though I could only see life through a negative lens.

I spent a lot of time alone the rest of the day, in one of his bedrooms. He would check on me periodically and DeeDee even popped in to bring me some tapioca pudding. It was a rough day for me because it was one of those rare times when I don’t just feel depressed, I feel crazy. I don’t want to get into personal details, but rest assured I was nuts and feeling miserable. I wanted to hide until I felt sane again.

Thankfully MasterDoc’s patience helped and eventually I started to feel better. That evening he gave me some delicious orgasms and feeling good physically helped me along mentally. The cuddles and his listening to me unburden the crazy thoughts in my head helped even more.

I’ve been feeling potentially unstable since then, but ultimately keeping my shit together. I had a nice weekend with MasterDoc and DeeDee, and Sunday afternoon MasterDoc and I got some time alone when I wasn’t feeling crazy. He had me blow him while he spoke on the phone, and I enjoyed having his cock in my mouth since I hadn’t had it often lately.

A bit later, he had me lay on my stomach on the bed. I lay over a pillow so my back wouldn’t bother me and the throe was between me and the pillow. He bound me down to bed using the under bed restraints. I’ve sometimes complained that I don’t get enough bondage, and the little bondage fetishist in me was doing a happy dance. He pulled the restraints snug and there was no way I could get out.

He put on my collar, a blindfold, and finally a gag. I have issues with gags that go inside the mouth and unfortunately he chose one. I did my best to remember what he taught me – breathe slowly through the nose. If you breathe too quickly your nostrils pull in and you don’t get enough air. This soon wasn’t enough, however, between a stuffy nose, the blindfold pressing on the bridge of my nose and finally trying to cope with the pain of a caning. It’s impossible to focus your breathing and breathe slowly when crying out in pain.

He didn’t go immediately to the cane, but surprised me by grabbing my ass with one of the vampire gloves I got him for his birthday last year. He swatted my ass with it, ran it up my back. It was a sensation a step away from tickling and a step away from pain. I liked it. He started caning me, and immediately before he checked to make sure I could beg for mercy through the gag. As soon as he asked that, I knew I was in for quite a ride.

He kept caning me past my usual limits. It hurt a lot, but I was able to deal with it because I knew it would end. I knew I would have a lovely sense of calm after it stopped. He would alternate with the vampire glove and every touch was a surprise. Every strike a bit of a shock.

After my ass was well reddened, he grabbed the Hitachi and placed it between my legs. He spanked a bit, I moaned and tried to get my clit in better contact with the vibe. This went on alternating and I could have come quite easily from the vibe but chose to hold off. He took the vibe away and spanked my pussy for a while. Even this was enough to put me near the edge. I finally got out, “May I please come, Sir?” (I had pushed the gag out of my mouth by this point so I could breathe.) He held off a second or two, then let me come. He pushed the Hitachi to my cunt and I kept coming harder and harder.

When he was finished I lay there, still face down, my arms and legs still bound to the bed. It was bliss. I had to ask him to release me a few minutes later because my arms were starting to hurt, secured above my head like they were. He undid my arms and ankles, and I got to cuddle close to him. I love cuddles with him. They feel amazing. Being in his arms was the best therapy I could have. I started this entry talking about how others think he’s lucky to have me, but I know that I’m lucky to have such a wonderful Dom to love and take care of me.

Dark Fantasy

Published on January 15, 2011 in anal, bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, bondage, caning, consensual non-consent, cunnilingus, cunt, D/s, dom, edge play, exhibitionism, fantasy, gang bang, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, needle play, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

Depression is not helpful for a fun sex life, so I haven’t done anything much with MasterDoc in a few days. (Except for a therapeutic caning Tuesday night that really did seem to lift my mood.) But I’ve been thinking naughty things and figured I’d write a little fantasy. Note: I refer to MasterDoc both as Sir and MasterDoc in this story. The rest of the characters don’t have names.

I can hear people arriving from where I lay in the bedroom. I’m playing with my cunt because Sir has told me to get it ready. I have no idea who is coming into the apartment or what will happen, but I do as I’m told.

I’m fairly close to orgasm when Sir comes in. He gives me a talk, hands on either side of my face, and tells me that I’m not to let him down. I’m to be a good little cunt and do as he says. He leads me into the living room where there’s about three men and one woman. I vaguely know one or two but not the others. I’m naked, except for my collar, leather cuffs on each wrist and ankle, and a leash hanging from the D ring on my collar. Sir leads me into the center of the room with the leash.

He takes a seat in a chair, and motions for me to sit on the floor by his feet. I do so and he starts talking. “Here’s our submissive cunt for the evening. Remember, condoms are to be used for any vaginal or anal sex. You are free to fuck her or make her go down on you as you wish, but you must clear any pain play with me first.”

I don’t know whether to be excited or scared. I’m looked at like a piece of meat laid out for a pack of hungry animals. He sends me around to each of our guests and instructs me to nuzzle their crotches through their pants. I crawl up to where each sits and do as I’m told, catching a whiff of muskiness from each crotch.

After I’ve finished this, he says, “Come back here slut. It’s time we got you warmed up.” These words make me anticipate genital stimulation, but when he grabs the canes I realize that’s not what he had in mind.

My wrist cuffs are joined together in front of me by a carabiner – something too short for me to undo myself. He swats my ass with the canes as I kneel face down, ass up. I hold still when I can handle the sensation but flinch forward when it hurts. The crowd admonishes me to say still whenever I flinch and I do my best. When my ass is quite sore, MasterDoc has me kneel on the floor and take his cock out of his pants with my bound hands. I suck him hard, and when his cock is its full size he grabs hold of my hair tightly. One of the guests says, “Oh yeah, choke her on it!’

He forces my head down so that his cock is entirely in my mouth. I can feel my throat working as I struggle not to gag. I last several seconds, and then MasterDoc pulls my head away as globs of saliva run down my chin and form a string between his cock and my mouth. He does this several times until I’m breathless and a bit lightheaded. Sometimes he slaps my face when he’s pulled it off his cock. I can feel the hands of some of our guests start to grope my body. One hand checks out my wet cunt. Another squeezes a nipple.

I am thrust back down onto the floor but this time on my back. The woman grabs hold of my cuffs and holds my hands above my head. One of the men takes a cane to my thighs and cunt when MasterDoc hands it to him. I figure this was something pre-agreed upon. Thankfully, Sir had passed him the lightest cane we have.

Still, ugly red stripes start to form on my inner thighs. When he smacks my cunt with it I think I can’t possibly handle the pain. One of the men places a strip of duct tape across my mouth so my cries won’t disturb the neighbors. MasterDoc and one of the other men holds my legs apart so I can’t get away from the cane blows.

Just as the pain makes me cry, MasterDoc signals to stop. Our guests back off, and MasterDoc holds me on the floor for a little while, telling me what a good girl I am. I cry softly, but it’s a cathartic release rather than any sadness.

Dinner delivery arrives and I wonder if the delivery person can see me naked and limp on the floor in the living room. My wrists are undone and the tape removed from my mouth so I can get up and serve dinner. I set the table, fetch drinks for our guests. They take liberties in touching me as I move around the table serving. Beforehand Sir told me I would be eating dinner on the floor. One of the men secures my wrist cuffs behind my back, and I have to eat without my hands, out of a bowl. Since leaning forward with my hands behind me would be too difficult, I am graciously allowed to have my bowl on a low stool so I don’t have to bend as far. As the guests eat and talk I’m mostly ignored, until one of them wants to comment on the mess on my face. I think to myself that there are animals with more dignity than I have right then. I eat as best I can. One of the men wipes my face with a warm, wet cloth and then pulls me by the hair until my mouth envelops his cock.

I suck and feel more hands on my body. I’m helpless as my wrists are behind me. I get pinched, poked, prodded. Someone produces a vibrator and holds it to my clit. It becomes so difficult to focus on my work on our guests’ cock that I slow down my efforts. I get my hair yanked and admonished to “Get back to work you dirty whore!” I try to focus but the vibe on my clit keeps distracting me.

My head gets moved around so I can suck all the cocks there. MasterDoc is stroking his cock and sizing me up as to what to do next.

I’m taken into the bedroom, where he lubes up my ass. My wrists are unbound so I can support myself in doggy-style. The woman takes off her clothes and lays down so my mouth is right at her crotch. I’m instructed to lick her pussy well (lest I get punished) and MasterDoc shoves his cock into my ass. He fucks me and I lick the clit and lips of this woman’s wet cunt. She moans and it seems like I’m doing a good job. MasterDoc, however, keeps varying his speed so I get terribly aroused and distracted. I’m desperate to come but I know that it won’t happen quickly tonight.

I had been asking for resistance play sometime, and I was told earlier that I would get it tonight. After a short break, for which I’m thankful, Sir slaps my face and grabs me by the hair. “Time to fight, cunt.” he tells me.

I struggle to get loose but of course our guests join in and grab various limbs. I feel myself forced onto the bed where my cuffs get secured to the underbed restraints. I struggle up until the last moment and at times I manage to slip an arm or a leg away from my tormentors. But in the end it’s useless. I’m spread eagle on the bed, terribly vulnerable. I’m gagged again, and blindfolded this time.

I feel the cool rub of alcohol swabs at various points on my body. MasterDoc gives a demonstration of play piercing to our guests. I get called all sorts of degrading names – fuck hole, pincushion, slut, cunt, bitch – while he pierces me. I get incredibly anxious when I feel him swab my outer labia – both sides. “This is gonna hurt, cunt.” he tells me. He has me breathe in deeply, and then while I’m breathing out he slides a sharp, sharp needle through one of my outer labia. We’ve done this before, but it’s still somehow shocking to have my labia pierced.

Sir strokes my body (and probably some guests do too, I’m not sure since I can’t see) to soothe me before he plants another needle in the other labia. He tugs on it a bit and I moan under my gag. A few more needles go in the skin on my chest, these are a bit hesitant so I wonder if it’s one or more of the guests doing the piercing. I can hear someone’s breath drawn in sharply. They’ve gotten a thrill from piercing me. From making me hurt. One of them says something admiringly about the tiny drop of blood that one of the piercings has brought out.

The needles are withdrawn and I can hear movements. Next thing I know, I’m being fucked by guest after guest. I’m allowed to come during this and keep orgasming too many times to count. The woman goes at me with her strap on. She’s positively vicious with pinching my nipples. The gag is taken off and a cock shoved into my mouth while my cunt is being fucked. The dual action of a cock being shoved into my throat and a cock being shoved into my cunt is overwhelming. Soon I’m gasping and drooling between cock thrusts. The lot of them make me come more than I ever thought possible while taking turns violating my body. I squirt a few times and can feel the throe beneath me soaking wet.

“You said you wanted me to be rougher with you,” says MasterDoc. He rips off the blindfold and I watch him jerk off onto throe. The guests undo my bindings, and MasterDoc shoves my face into his come and rubs me into it. As he holds my head to the puddle of come, I can feel other guys shooting their loads all over my back. I’m a totally come-covered whore. And honestly, it’s bliss.

The guys take me into the shower and MasterDoc commands me to kneel down. I’m sticky with come and they offer to rinse me off. It seems like I’m instantly surrounded and they’re all pissing on me. I cry silently from the humiliation. They all tell me what a dirty piss whore I am.

They leave me, reeking of piss and shivering in the cold tub. The last thing Sir said when he left was that I was allowed to shower. I quickly rinse the piss off my body and out of my hair. I towel off and put my cuffs and collar back on and return to the living room where everyone’s having drinks.

MasterDoc motions for me to sit on the sofa next to him and I do. He puts his solid arms around me and kisses my forehead. “You’ve been a very good slut today. I’m proud of you.” I glow with pride over having been used, abused and come through it feeling amazingly calm. Endorphins rock.

Our guests leave a short time later, all thanking me for the good time. I thank them of course and MasterDoc has me kneel on the floor and kiss everyone’s crotches goodbye.

After they’ve left, we snuggle in bed. I’m exhausted but so very happy.

Happy to Be Stuck with You

Published on January 9, 2011 in anal, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, D/s, gags, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sex, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

On the heels of feeling needy and insecure, I’ve luckily ended up with a lot of time alone with MasterDoc this weekend. I think it has done me a world of good. Thursday night he came back from a tryst and called me into the playroom. He had me drop my underpants so he could put a butt plug in my ass. Funnily enough, this was the sort of thing I had just put into my Wishing Box that night.

As I sat on the sofa, every so often he would tell me to wiggle my butt. He’d ask if I could feel the plug in there, and I pretty much never forgot about it. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was very noticeable. I was allowed to take it out at bedtime.

The next day, we had the whole day alone. He had to go out for some errands, but in the afternoon we got freaky.

My back was bothering me, so he kindly gave me a massage. His strong hands kneaded the muscles in my lower back. I felt much better after. Back massages from him can feel like bdsm since he massages very hard. It loosens up the muscles, but it hurts while he’s doing it.

He had me get up on hands and knees and he gave me a caning. It was actually harder than usual, yet still amazing. I was surprised at how much I could enjoy the sting. I’m kinda curious now if I could take the thickest cane at all. I doubt I could stand it for long, but we’ve never tried it. He used the two thinner canes on me and I was pleased that he pushed me a bit by repetitive thwacks on my ass. I’d love to try that while my mouth is sealed with duct tape and my hands secured together.

In between, we cuddle and chat. He reminded me that I’m “stuck with him.” While this sounds like a negative sort of statement, I find it very comforting when I’m insecure. He promises he’s not going anywhere. I often get afraid that new pussy will lure him away. I worry that I’ve gotten boring by being familiar. After reassurance, he made me come over and over with his hands. When I’m hungry for reassurance, having him touch me feels like an orgasm in itself. I don’t want this to sound like I can live without orgasms – I can’t – but there are even times lately when I feel so amazing from being touched that I feel a certain satisfaction from that alone. I’ve reached a point where I can just enjoy feeling good without focusing quite so much on the end result – coming.

I felt cold, and he climbed on top of me. His body warmed me up as it enveloped mine. He called me a very receptive piece of meat as I shivered from his touch. In the submissive mood I’ve been in lately, I love hearing stuff like that! He also called me a nasty slut. Yes, Sir! I want to be called all manner of dirty things as he shoves his cock down my throat and slaps my face.

I truly love sucking his cock. I love knowing the things that work for him and making him feel good. I’ve become a total cock choking slut. The other day he really held my head down on his cock. I could feel my throat start to work to try to eject his cock. A gag and gurgle came from my mouth. When he let me up, I gasped, “Oh my god that’s hot!” It rendered plenty of saliva for me to give him a well lubricated blow job.

He fucked me from behind until I was so wound up. He pushes me to the edge then varies what he’s doing to keep me rarin’ to go without setting me off. I tried mentally to lay off orgasming, but then I got turned on again thinking about he could do this (tease me) as long as wanted. Ah, the power! He totally drove me insane then let me come (after several minutes of good, hard fucking).

I came hard on his cock for a while, squirting on the throe.

A little later, we had more fucking with me on top. I totally went crazy for his cock, riding it as hard as I could. (Getting in better shape has its perks!) I got so desperate to come that I actually slipped and begged, but he let me come this time.

Since I’ve been begging for him to come on my face lately, he decided that I had been a good girl and he came on my face that evening. I could feel my cheek become glazed with his come, and he rubbed his cock head against it. I waited until we were clearly done to go clean the come off my face. I used a wet washcloth and thought I had gotten it all, until I put my glasses on and found a huge glob near my ear. Ha ha. A little more wiping and it was cleaned up.

Fantasy Vignettes

Published on January 4, 2011 in bdsm, blow jobs, bondage, caning, consensual non-consent, D/s, edge play, exhibitionism, fantasy, gags, gang bang, horny, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, piss play, restraints, sadism, sex, sex parties, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive, swinging and Uncategorized. 2 Comments

Scene 1: I’ve been kidnapped and I awaken tied up, naked, wrists and ankles bound, duct tape across my mouth. He teases and tantalizes my body despite my protests. My nipples receive the clover clamps. He grabs me by the hair and makes me suck his cock after he rips the tape off. He makes me come over and over despite my fighting it. He fucks me while I’m unable to get away because I’m bound.

Scene 2: Struggling with him, fighting him off. Him calling me a whore and other degrading things. Him slapping me around. Him spanking me even when I start getting desperate for him to stop. He could just gag me with duct tape and go to town on my ass with the cane. I could lay over the axis for the beating, and then be in just the right position for a fucking.

Scene 3: He fucks my mouth as I hang my head off the end of the bed. He gags me repeatedly on his cock. At the end, he comes all over my face.

Scene 4: He blindfolds me and lets all sorts of people at the swing club play with me and fuck me. I don’t get to know who fucked me.

Scene 5: I’m intoxicated to the edge of sleep and then fucked repeatedly by a group of men, all orchestrated by MasterDoc. This would be videotaped so I could fully enjoy after.

Scene 6: I have to do my best to move around and do things like suck his cock while my arms are restrained behind my back.

Scene 7: I become his slave for a few hours. I have to sit at his feet. I have to be always respectful or I get the cane. He would use me as he likes sexually. He can make me sit in the corner or tie me to something at a whim. I’d have to get his permission to use the toilet. He would make me wait until I was desperate and begging for it, and then he’d bring me (by leash perhaps?) into the bathroom, where he’d let me pee in the tub through my panties.

Scene 8: I ‘m bound at a party at his place (possibly just hands behind back or perhaps some ankle restraint as well so I have to shuffle along as I walk) and the guests get to play with my naked body as it pleases them. My hands are released for dinner but I have to eat mine out of a bowl on the floor, seated next to his chair, while the guests eat at the table. He later makes me masturbate to orgasm in front of the crowd. With a little luck, I squirt when I come.

Needs

Published on December 28, 2010 in anal, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, consensual non-consent, cunnilingus, D/s, depression, electrosex/tens unit, flogging, humiliation play, impulses, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, Uncategorized and wishing box. 0 Comments

Perhaps after being sick I just needed some deep reconnection. When you’re sick, you’re very isolated. You are the only one going through what you’re going through, plus others keep a distance to avoid contagion. The aches and pains and nose blowing keeps your focus and takes away from your interactions with others. You withdraw because you need the rest.

When I was fairly over being sick, MasterDoc and I had sex a couple of times, but somehow it was not quite what I needed. He pissed on me. I came, much to my continuing shame. He beat me. He really pushed my pain tolerance. And he made me come. I hit a soothing state of calm and relaxation post-beating. But somehow I still didn’t feel satisfied. I felt guilt over this. But I still felt like something I needed wasn’t being met. After talks, I think MasterDoc figured out what I needed, because that’s what he gave me. That evening he said lovely things about being happy with me, me being cute, etc. I needed reassurance that I was still attractive. I needed reassurance that I was still loved. I know the last bit sounds strange, after all I certainly know he loves me. But I just needed to be reassured. And I felt soothed by his love and reassurances. I needed attention. I had felt frustrated earlier because he used the “suck my dick and then hop on for a ride” thing two days in a row (i.e., no foreplay for Nadia). I felt distanced, I felt like my enjoyment of the sex didn’t make a difference. I felt removed from the sex. This depressed me.

Well ok, brain chemicals made me depressed, but this is what I got depressed about when given the right mental climate.

I craved touch. I craved attention. I realized that the touching was more important to me than the orgasms that night. And so he held me. He caressed me. I felt so much better in his arms and with his hands on me. I just needed to be touched. I think probably everything else could have been the same and if more touching was just added I would have found it satisfying as usual. My skin was hungry.

The next day he did more of the same. He told me that while he thinks it’s “lazy Dom’s prerogative” to tell the sub to get aroused and ready for fucking without any help, he doesn’t think that should be the norm and he could understand how it seems like a trend to me – but it really isn’t a trend in our sex life. He took time to play with my ass with the e-stim machine. My cunt was wet and swollen and as he zapped my ass I was so aroused. He fingered me, toyed with my clit. He made me come and squirt.

He continued to be very hands on, and I was happy to have him fuck me. He fucked me from behind and I savored when he’d grab hold of me and give me a good fucking. I think in addition to touch I crave being “taken.” I’ve been thinking lately that I want to be able to role play becoming someone’s sex slave involuntarily. For some reason I get turned on by pretending I don’t want to do what I’m doing sexually. I want to be physically forced or encouraged to do things. I want to be be tied up (or cuffed, rather) and gagged.

But I digress. I toyed with his balls and such with my Siri vibrating. When he did eventually ask if I could get on top of his cock and ride, I was thoroughly into it. I fucked him, rocking myself back and forth on his cock. I came so close to orgasm. He kept taking me to the edge. It was almost as if I couldn’t get enough of his cock sliding in and out of me. I wanted to come so, so badly.

I had to stop when my hips got sore and tired. I can do straddling for only so long. I lay next to him and he had enjoyed the fuck wholeheartedly. I still wanted to come, so I calmly mentioned that yes, the fuck was amazing, but I had wanted to come so badly. Since I asked nicely, he helped me come by using his fingers. I squirted some more and was just bowled over by the feeling of his hands in my cunt, on my cunt, around my cunt.

Jaded

Published on December 16, 2010 in bdsm, caning, D/s, flogging, kink, masochism, musings, nipple clamps, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

When I sit down to blog lately there are times when I feel totally jaded writing about kinky sex.

Mind you, I don’t feel the least bit jaded during the kinky sex.

MasterDoc gave me a much-needed beating on Tuesday night. He used his hands (strong implements in and of themselves!), a cane and a flogger another couple left behind by mistake. This flogger is more intense than his by virtue of the studs at the end of each strand. As you can imagine, the metal studs make for a more painful landing on my ass. I thought to myself, “I must remember to get this back to that couple next time we see them!”

It was a rough beating, but as I said much-needed. He then finger fucked me (with three fingers possibly? I need to take a picture of his hands next to mine so you can see how big his fingers are!) and I squirted as I came. While he beat me, I found myself moaning – not so much from the pain (that too) but because the pain was turning me on. I can’t believe I didn’t consider myself a masochist until a few years ago.

My Liberator Axis is awesome. It provides support when I’m on hands and knees for a beating or a fucking. I use that and the Fascinator Throe all the time. So picture me, if you will, bent over the Axis, on my knees on the bed. After he beat me and made me come like a bitch in heat I collapsed on the bed. Sometimes it’s a real relief when he tells me, “You can fall forward.” Not that I mind coming over and over – it’s just sometimes I’m worn out!

It was great because we were both in sync that night – I wanted mean and painful, and that’s what he felt like giving. (While we fooled around the second night of our vacation I wanted mean and painful but he was feeling sweet and affectionate. I love that he’s capable of both, but it works better when our moods coincide.) After I had rested, he took some nipple clamps out of the drawer, mentioning what he was getting. I hoped that they weren’t the clover clamps, but a second later saw they were.

I had once thought I’d never be able handle clover clamps. They do hurt like a motherfucker when put on, but then MasterDoc started fucking me and somehow I was… distracted. They still hurt but the feeling of his cock penetrating me kept me from focusing on that. He let me come pretty quickly, and I came all the more hard because of the rough play. While I was still coming, he took the clamps off. The sudden rush of blood to the nipples hurts, but coming was just much more enticing than focusing on that. Pleasure really can increase my pain tolerance.

It was a very satisfying evening. We also got cuddles, smiles and affection in. I got to worship his “spot.” Life was good.

Tomorrow I get to see him again. We’re supposed to go to that monthly kink party and Blondie should join us. Could be interesting….

So much for my jaded feeling. I just needed to start writing and the words flowed.

Cane Stripes and Squirting

Published on November 27, 2010 in bdsm, bondage, caning, cunt, D/s, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, restraints, sadism, sex, shio, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

This week, with so much time spent alone with MasterDoc, has been great. The sex has been amazing. Now I know it’s always amazing, but to get so much of it, all to myself has been divine.

This weekend he’s away visiting another girlfriend, and I don’t really have any plans. I hope to get stuff done that perhaps I’m putting off (packing up things I need to return or exchange). When MasterDoc called me up Thursday to say he’s changed his plans for the weekend (I had expected to see him), I put my new-found effort of being a good sub to the test. I felt grumpy when he told me, but I kept it to myself. Then, I took the time to weigh the issue as soon as we got off the phone – was it worth getting upset over? I realized that no, some time to myself this weekend wasn’t a big deal. I think part of why it seemed like a big deal to me last week is that I had had such a craptacular week at work. This week has been interrupted by the holiday, so I’m in a better place overall.

In the meantime, MasterDoc gave me cane stripes on my inner thighs – and made me come from it. (They’ve sadly faded.) He had secured me down with the underbed restraints. The inner thigh caning teetered on the edge of being highly arousing and hurting. The line was crossed back and forth a few times. I think it still amazes me that I can come from pain. Before I met MasterDoc I only identified as sub. But after a while in my relationship with him I realized that I’m a masochist too. (But I don’t consider myself a pain slut.)

He slapped my pussy to orgasm, and I could hear him chuckling as I squirted and his slaps became wet and splashy. I was coming, so I had no ability to say, “Hey, stop laughing!” Of course, being mid-orgasm I could give a shit about him laughing. My priorities are in the right place – orgasm first.

I rode his cock and came so much after he teased me for a bit. I find that when I’ve exercised before sex my poor hip and thigh muscles get more of a workout during fucking. I can often push myself past where I think can go, just because the feel of his cock inside me distracts me from muscle fatigue. After I came, I kept his cock inside me and got so used to sitting on it that I forgot it was in when I got off abruptly. Yeah, saying, “I forgot it was in there!” is never a good thing to say to a guy. Luckily he knew what I meant.

He was so kind to fuck me from on top since my body was tired out. I felt so turned on that I could feel the head of his cock slide through my vaginal canal in detail. Each time it went by, my highly sensitized cunt was overwhelmed by the feeling of pressure of his cock head. He made me come that day until I thought I’d pass out – a couple of times. He said recently that he wants to try to push me to see if he can force me to come without permission. He was definitely working on that! It felt amazing, but I could manage to pull myself back from the edge enough to not go over without his command but I totally didn’t want to stop myself. I know he knows me well, however, and would know if I came without trying to stop myself. Luckily, he gave the command to come a few times.

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MasterDoc and I will be vacationing in Orlando, FL shortly. If anyone in that area is interested in paying to see our usual show of him dominating me, drop me a line via the form on this blog.

Brat

Published on November 25, 2010 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, D/s, dom, edge play, embarrassment, emotions, gags, horny, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, musings, non-monogamy, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, sadism, sex, shio, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

While emotional outbursts, for me, are often caused by depression or anxiety issues, sometimes I’m just being a spoiled brat. Last Saturday I got cranky and pouty because the evening I thought I was to have alone with MasterDoc got changed around when DeeDee didn’t leave for her Thanksgiving trip for an extra day. So of course since she’s away this week, MasterDoc opted to spend time alone with her that night.

I think the pouting worked in some way for me growing up, otherwise why do I default to it so often? It’s immature and pretty counterproductive. (Especially with MasterDoc, he likes things to be calm and me having a childish fit doesn’t help that.) He spoke with me that day and while I cried over some things that bother me, I ultimately left his place feeling happy. I had plans to see him for definite on Sunday afternoon, and Monday evening AND Tuesday evening. He was right when he pointed out, “What’s one evening’s delay?” Nothing really.

When I saw him Sunday I got a lecture about my behavior and while I agree that I was certainly being a brat, I don’t think all my displeasure was unfounded. But I’ll leave those details between myself and my Dom. He tossed out the theory that since I was an only child (for nearly 11 years), and developed that sense of entitlement many only children develop, that having it taken away so abruptly (at the dawn of puberty no less) has left me feeling the need to count every minute, every task I do, etc. and demand as much time and as much recognition for my work as possible. It’s pretty obnoxious when I think about it. But there was always this, “Hey that’s not fair!” thing going on with my brother and me. Becoming a sister was a far rougher transition than I had thought it would be. But what did I know at 10 years old? I resented my poor brother for many years, and only as we’ve both become adults have I taken the time to apologize.

I really can be a dysfunctional shit sometimes. I’m lucky my friends love me despite my flaws.

So it’s time for me to refocus on my attitude and my service. This is something I’ve decided in light of my recent behavior. I will try to not mentally keep tabs on all tasks I do versus what DeeDee does. I will try to be more gracious when plans change. I will try to be a better submissive.

After our discussion, there was much pleasurable cock sucking and choking. I enthusiastically blew him for as long as possible. When we lay close to each other, he made me come on command a few times. When he brought up the idea of piss play, he really hit the nail on the head when he pressed me to admit I want him to piss on me. I couldn’t deny it, although I really wanted to. The humiliation that came with it was hot, however.

He didn’t piss on me that day, but I did ride his cock for a good long time. It was quite a full-body exercise! It seemed like he drew out the teasing phase before each orgasm, and I just loved it. While I am desperate for release, I’m also enjoying how it feels to be brought to the edge of orgasm. Stimulation feels good!

Monday and Tuesday evenings were spent with MasterDoc as well. There was some really hot sex Monday night and MasterDoc talked me through being able to handle a ball gag without gagging. The trick is to breathe slowly through the nose. If you breathe too quickly it narrows the nasal passages and you get less air. I also found that having my head tilting down or to the side helped too – the saliva didn’t pool at the back of my throat so much as dribble out, so I didn’t feel like I was drowning in spit. The gag is pretty loose and at one point while tantalizing me, MasterDoc pulled on it. It fit snugly in between my lips and the very act of him doing that made me so hot as my head was pulled back. (I’m twitching right now in remembrance.) There was more marvelous fucking – this time with him on top.

I am a damn lucky bitch.

Tuesday was quieter, but he made me come like crazy after I warmed myself up with masturbation. I think there was also quite a bit of caning. After two consecutive days of great sex, I was feeling pretty content and doing less on Tuesday wasn’t a big deal.

I’m sure I’m leaving stuff out or have changed the evenings when a particular activity occured. This is what comes of not having as much time to write lately. I get to see MasterDoc tomorrow and after just a day away from him I’m ready for nooky again.

Happy Birthday and then the Rest

Published on November 21, 2010 in anxiety, bdsm, bored, caning, D/s, DeeDee, depression, exhibitionism, happy, humiliation play, kink, musings, orgasm on command, poly, sex, sex parties, sex toys, slump, spanking, sybian, Uncategorized and venting. 0 Comments

I had a wonderful birthday. Well, maybe not the time spent at work (this week sucked in that area), but MasterDoc really put effort into my birthday this year – something he usually doesn’t make a priority. (That’s everyone’s birthdays, not just mine. He’s not into birthdays or holidays.) Since he knows a little special treatment on my birthday means a lot to me, he went out of his way to make me happy. And I really appreciate it.

He took some time off from work to spend with me that evening, and then took DeeDee and I out for dinner at a nice Indian restaurant. (I voted to have her join us when he asked if I wanted that.) After dinner, we went back to his place and DeeDee settled down with the tv while I got some alone time with MasterDoc.

He had bought me a present and as soon as I saw the box – a Lelo box! – I was bowled over. I got the widest grin on my face and held the box close to me. He got me the Siri that I’ve been going on about wanting. He paid attention and got me something I so very much wanted and this touched me. (I LOVE the toy so far. Will keep me busy while I send my Gigi off for repair. It has suddenly started vibrating really loud and rattling.)

I got to use it that evening, and it is nice and intensely buzzy. He made me come a bunch of times – some by verbal command only, some by physical stimulation, some by fucking. He was very sweet and I found myself thinking, “Our dynamic hasn’t changed just because it’s my birthday. Make me suck your cock! Beat me!” I had asked specifically for a birthday spanking earlier in the day and I perked up when he gave me quite an intense spanking, one stroke for every year of my life and one to grow on. (Yeah, that was my idea when we had been talking earlier.) I really had a lovely time with him that evening.

The next night we went to the party where we were expected to do the coming on command thing. DeeDee was really nervous about doing it in front of a crowd, I was less so, but I can’t honestly say I wasn’t at all nervous. I know I’m incredibly conditioned at this point, but I was nervous nonetheless. MasterDoc got everyone’s attention. I had a blindfold on by then because I really just couldn’t look at the people. He explained what he was going to do, and then ran his fingers through mine and DeeDee’s hair as we sat on either side of him on a sofa. He gave the command, and despite our nerves we both came. I’m sure it was something to see. Even so, I’m glad I didn’t have to see the crowd around us.

Unfortunately, the party was uneven and I ended up feeling fairly frustrated and bored. The place was a decent space except it was freakin’ cold. I didn’t take my heavy cardigan off all evening. MasterDoc did cane, spank and make DeeDee and I come at the same time, our asses in the air. It was fun, but my mood was pretty dark.

I did manage to be a good sub for a change, and that night I kept quiet and positive as best I could. I felt tired and wanted to leave, but since MasterDoc brought the sybian (our entry fee) we had to hang out while the party host had various women take a ride. I was ready to leave a couple of hours before we actually got the chance to.

While my remembrance of that evening is pretty negative, I suppose there were many positives. I got to see someone very skilled do fire play. I was impressed by his focus and understanding of keeping the play safe yet stimulating. Our friend V. went to the party with us and she got the chance to do fire play with that gentleman a little later. I also had nice chats with various friendly perverts – the people who go to these parties are usually quite cool. I got to see Sofija a bit but she wasn’t feeling well.

But all in all, the party was a dud for me. I didn’t even want a sybian ride by the time it was offered. I just wanted something to eat and to go home.

MasterDoc treated us to the diner after, and this was a nice treat. V. came with us and it was definitely nice to hang out with her, even if the party wasn’t the best. I’m trying to be positive here. I was a total negative Nadia earlier today so I’m doing my best to perk up. But an evening alone wasn’t what was planned so I’m pretty bummed that’s how things ended up tonight. Shit happens, but it’s still frustrating and disappointing.

I wish this entry had more zing (and/or orgasms!) but I’m not feeling it tonight. Kinda like how we all felt at that party last night. I suppose not every day can be filled with magical bdsm orgasmic enchantment.

C’est la vie.