Archive for the 'caning' Category

Kinky Weekend

Published on March 21, 2010 in D/s, DeeDee, Uncategorized, anxiety, bdsm, blogs, caning, exhibitionism, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sex parties, sex toys and sybian. 0 Comments

So after a week of intense work and being busy nearly every night, I was thrilled to be going out with MasterDoc and DeeDee to a bdsm party on Friday night. When I got to MasterDoc’s after work, DeeDee was with a guy who’s come by for a few shows. They have clicked well and so above and beyond the shows they have fooled around. DeeDee had orgasm after orgasm as I relaxed in the next room with MasterDoc. I felt a little jealous, not having had an orgasm in days, however it was also really fun to hear her moaning over and over. The four of us ate dinner together, and DeeDee decided she was too worn out from all the sex to go out with us. I of course never object to a night out alone with MasterDoc.

The party was held in a New York City loft and they had a fair amount of bdsm equipment around. There was a suspension frame, a couple of different types of spanking benches, a cross against a wall, and the two techie toys – a fucking machine and MasterDoc’s sybian.

We arrived early since we were bringing the sybian, and it was super quiet early on. We relaxed, talked to some people and MasterDoc made it clear I was going to try the fucking machine. I was nervous about it and tried to have it put off as much as possible.

To get me in the mood (as I indicated I would surely need to be warmed up before being pounded by a machine) MasterDoc had me lean over a bench and he caned me. My pain tolerance was pretty good and he went at it for a while, alternating with hands, the riding crop and small flogger. He pressed my nea vibe to my clit and teased me, and unfortunately since the angle was odd he teased me even more than intended – he wasn’t quite on the right spot. So while it felt good and I was getting hornier and hornier, there was no way I would come from it. He told me I could come if I wanted to, whenever I wanted to, but I just couldn’t get there.

We took a break, during which we met a nice, young Asian-American woman who is new to bdsm but embracing it wholeheartedly. She’s subbing to the party organizer and he told her she was definitely getting a sybian ride. I got to sit right next to MasterDoc as he gave her the ride and as always it’s so hot to watch a woman in the throes of passion.

Towards the end of the ride, MasterDoc got a phone call, which he picked up while continuing the ride, much to everyone’s amusement. It was DeeDee, asking if she could come again. (!) Apparently the million orgasms she had had weren’t enough. He gave her permission to masturbate and then finished the young lady’s ride. He called DeeDee to check in on her after the ride and I started feeling impatient. I hadn’t had an orgasm in days, hadn’t had cock in nearly a week, and she had just had an amazing amount of orgasms. I love DeeDee, I consider her a good friend but at that moment all I could think was, (cue urban accent) “Bitch please! You’re taking up time when I could be having orgasms. You had plenty!” In retrospect, it’s kinda funny. After all, she had no way of knowing what we had or hadn’t done that evening. I wasn’t truly mad, but the timing was just lousy.

MasterDoc remedied the situation quickly by putting me on the sybian next. Very soon, I was begging for orgasm and he teased me for a while, getting me to climb even higher to the peak. I came hard and for a long time – I kept crying out “oh fuck, fuck, fuck” or “oh god, oh god, yes!” alternately. When I peeked around me during the orgasm, I was disappointed that there wasn’t a nice crowd around. People were pretty much busy elsewhere. But still, it remedied my lack of orgasm quite nicely. Unfortunately I ended up a little sore from grinding my clit into the nubby pad on the sybian. I think I need to turn the insertable part around so the smooth side is under my clit. I irritate my delicate inner labia in the heat of passion, which sucks.

So now that I was warmed up, MasterDoc wanted me to try the fucking machine. I was nervous. The lady who he had given the sybian ride to had just tried the fucking machine and her main reflection was that it was “big.” She had come though, so hard that her clenching vaginal muscles stopped the machine. The penis-like attachment looked a bit big for having pound me via machine, so I went with the smaller attachment, but this was less than ideal too. It was tapered at the end, which is useless for getting any g-spot stimulation and it was very flexible at the end, so when the machine was turned on it tended to pull out and not go right back in. We never really got the machine up to speed and I was clearly unhappy. Thankfully MasterDoc let me end things there. Another issue was that there wasn’t a bed, so the ideal position wasn’t possible. I knelt on the couch at an angle, uncomfortably.

And so my first fucking machine experience was a bust. I had been so anxious that it might miss the hole going back in and pound into my crotch. I have suspicions that often these types of machines are a turn on more for men than women.

The rest of the evening was relatively uneventful. There were moments when we saw some really hot scenes, and MasterDoc gave more sybian rides. Mostly the couples were male Dom and female sub, but there was a smoking hot fem Dom there who worked over the single submissive men. One of the nice parts of these parties (this is the second one I’ve been to organized by this host and MasterDoc and DeeDee went with our friend V. to one in between) is that they’re run by a black guy, and so there’s a big mix of ethnicities. So often I’ve only encountered white people out at bdsm events. I think until recently I subconsciously thought bdsm was really more of a white person thing (not to mention that until recently I hadn’t encountered the queer bdsm community either), but I’m happy to find that there are perverts in all demographics, and it’s wonderful that this party is truly inclusive of everyone.

There were stretches of boredom, but also some hot scenes like the big, strong, bald white guy who has a black submissive. He flogged her hard and I cringed a bit, even though I often like quite the same thing. However he pointed out that she likes it and proved this to me by barely touching her pussy through her panties and letting her come. Clearly, she enjoys kink as much as I do.

A guy with a nice body got flogged by the fem Dom and that was hot to watch. I pointed out to MasterDoc that male Doms have it easy – fem Doms have to flog in six-inch platform heels. (At least, if they’re going along with the male dominated view of what a female Dom should look like.) A few of the sub men purposely sissified themselves, and I have to admit that’s not really my thing. I prefer my men to be more manly but to each his own.

Saturday evening, MasterDoc, DeeDee and I went to the Kink Academy open house in Manhattan. Diva had convinced me to come so I could speak about the site since I think highly of it. I had just gotten to meet the “headmistress” Princess Kali the other night and I quite like her too. Having a circle of pervy friends and acquaintances is such a wonderful thing. They’re people I can be myself around.

The open house was lots of fun. There were demonstrations, contests – I participated (actually, I was first to volunteer) in a contest of putting condoms on bananas with our mouths. We all did well and got prizes. I had recently watched something with Midori teaching how to put a condom on with your mouth, so between that and Tess giving her lesson, I was ready. I also managed to win a hogtie (a metal ring with four leather straps coming off with clips at the ends – it’s used to clip together wrist and ankle cuffs into a hogtie position) and a complete set of Kink Academy’s scene starter cards. Whoo hoo! AND a one year free membership. Winning anything is uncommon for me, and to make out like a bandit yesterday I felt even happier that I went and spoke well of Kink Academy.

I got to meet various people who had heard of me, and it’s always nice when people compliment me on the blog. It really means a lot to be told that my openness about sexuality is having a positive effect. While I often think of this blog as mainly a space for me to record my adventures and express myself, I do partly do it as a means of sex-positive activism. To be recognized for it – even if it’s just a pat on the back – feels wonderful.

Monday Show

Published on February 26, 2010 in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, caning, humiliation play, kink, masturbation, orgasm on command, piss play, sex, sex toys and show. 1 Comment

I’m terribly behind in chronicling this, but hopefully I remember (and jotted down) enough details to make this a worthwhile blog entry.

MasterDoc had a man over for a show on Monday. This man had seen DeeDee already and when MasterDoc texted him about coming over to see me, he sent the coded text: “Would you like to come see my other property Monday night?”

I set up my laptop so it played internet porn on MasterDoc’s television. There was a lot of chat, the guy who came was very friendly and not terribly unlike MasterDoc (same generation, Jewish, similar personality). It was a mostly jovial, relaxed situation that night. While that’s fun, it’s also hard to get “in the mood” when there’s a lot of joking.

MasterDoc and I both weren’t particularly horny that night, but the show must go on! He caned me for a while, lovely stripes showing up on my ass. I was in need of a beating so I was glad. After, MasterDoc had me suck his cock for a bit, but he wasn’t getting very hard because he had to urinate.

Yup. You can guess what happened next. The guy wanted to see him pee on me and MasterDoc was happy to oblige. I knelt in the tub while MasterDoc pissed on me and the other guy jerked off to orgasm. I have to admit, it was pretty fucking hot. The warm piss running down my body, some humiliation felt, the other guy obviously really excited and pulling furiously on his cock. Funny thing is, the guy said after that the peeing is just not his thing. Pretty funny considering how worked up he was and that he came quickly and easily!

When gathering toys for the show, I was smart and thought that MasterDoc might want the nipple suckers (they’re snake bite suckers really). I was dead on. He placed them on my nipples and the suction hurt. He mercilessly flicked them, watching the expression on my face.

He had me lay back with the suckers still on my nipples and play with the magic wand. I writhed on the floor with the wand buzzing on my clit. MasterDoc removed the suckers, turned me over and fucked me from behind. The guy was permitted to play with my breasts as I was fucked and he even ended up holding the magic wand for me when I grew tired of holding myself up with one arm. MasterDoc eventually let me come, and when I did he switched to his fingers and slammed my pussy as I came. He made me keep coming until I could come no more.

I lay on the mat and the guy massaged my back a little while MasterDoc took a call. The guy asked me to tug on his balls while he stroked himself and after making sure I had permission from MasterDoc I obliged. MasterDoc specifically told the guy not to come on my face, and he ended up coming on my hand as I pulled down his balls. He was kind enough to grab a tissue and wipe my hand off immediately after.

Wishes Fulfilled

Published on February 10, 2010 in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, edge play, fantasy, kink, masochism, nipple clamps, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, stress, trust and wishing box. 0 Comments

I haven’t blogged in over a week, not content that I’ve generated at least. I’ve been dealing with a particularly rough bout of premenstrual symptoms and haven’t felt like writing. MasterDoc gave me a therapeutic beating last Wednesday that helped in the short term, but ultimately I was having enough internal issues that it didn’t last. Funnily enough, yesterday he and I both – separately – hypothesized that I may have PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). Definitely something I will ask my gynecologist about next time. I have about a dozen of the symptoms.

Today the symptoms are starting to break, but even yesterday I was feeling anxious and irritable enough to be struggling with it. I didn’t sleep over MasterDoc’s due to the impending snow (and I am glad I went home last night!) but I did visit him for a few hours. We reconnected. He reassured me that yes, if I’m in emotional crisis like I had been last Friday night I did the right thing by getting in touch with him.

Since my mood was still unstable last night, MasterDoc declared I needed a beating and orgasms. And indeed they helped like they usually do. After he shook off the silly mood he was in, he had me lay down on the bed, face down and took the cane to my ass. The strikes focused my thoughts. I took the cane fairly well, but then he dribbled some melted wax on me. Yikes! It pooled slightly on my lower back and I kicked one leg up while trying to deal with the pain. The wax was particularly difficult to take last night. I seem to be out of practice. The caning continued and took me into subspace. I didn’t get wet like I often do but considering how not myself I felt that’s not entirely surprising. He used the little rubber flogger on me, the little ends gathering together to sting my ass.
He had me on hands and knees for some beating, and propped the magic wand against me but it kept slipping away from the perfect spot, so even though I had permission to come I couldn’t quite get there. I let MasterDoc know that it was sliding out of place, and he took over, pressing it against my clit, making me come. He took out a toy that we haven’t really used yet: snake bite suckers. The set comes with two larger ones and one thinner sucker that’s just right for the clitoris. Thankfully he only put the larger two on my nipples. As my tits hung down he commented on how they resembled udders. He flicked them with his fingers which hurt. He has decided he really likes them, and as I can wear them longer than nipple clamps he plans to have me walking around the swing club with them on. He had me kneel up, and he tormented my nipples some more.

He had me lay on my back to be fucked so he could continue to play with the nipple suckers. He tweaked them, fucked me, slapped my face. I went from zero to sixty in about two seconds. He told me I could come at will and I came, but then I came even harder as he gently but firmly applied pressure to my throat for the first time. Previously I had been afraid of even the hint of breathplay as I’m asthmatic (and have experienced not being able to breathe. Not really fun.) but I had put in my wishing box that I was curious to try a little bit with him, since I trust MasterDoc to know what he’s doing (and to know what to do in case of an emergency). He pressed a bit harder than I had expected, grabbing my collar close against my throat. For a second, I wasn’t sure if I was scared of this…. but then I came, harder than I had to this point. I was amazed by how hard I came.

I was very, very happy and calm after that.

He next had me suck his cock, and he worked in yet another wish from my wishing box: grabbing my head and choking me on his cock a few times. I find that I don’t gag as badly as I initially thought and I really like that he’s got his cock shoved down my throat and his hand firmly on my head as the thrusts his hips upward. His cock gets extra slick with my saliva which makes it even easier than usual to suck. He had me rub his wet cock over my face and I did as I was told. (Of course.)

His cock hard again, he debated fucking my ass or fucking my cunt again. He eventually opted for my cunt and got me on hands and knees. He said I had been a good girl and gave me the magic wand to use on myself. He started off slowly, teasing. He’d then fuck me harder for a moment. I kept the wand pressed against my clit but he told me not to come until I asked permission. He wanted me to take my time so he could fuck me as long as he liked. I was moaning like crazy, feeling amazing even though I was holding back from orgasm. I almost didn’t want it to end. I wish I had a recording of my moaning and babbling at that point. Out of nowhere, he told me to come. And I came as he fucked me some more. When his cock was pushed out he slapped my cunt to keep me coming and I sprayed come all over my hand, the throe, and the magic wand.

I was in a wondrous daze after that orgasm. It was hard to find somewhere to lay down since there was a big puddle, but I sat against the wall, legs splayed. Despite using the menstrual cup, there was a smudge of blood on my leg (and the come that came out of me was tinted pink due to some menstrual content.) My hands felt like they were buzzing, and it took me a moment to realize this was from holding the magic wand to my clit for a while. I felt positively amazing. If they could make that feeling into a pill form I think I’d become addicted. Oh yes.

After I cleaned up, we sat in the living room and he put on the basketball game. He had me grab pillows so I could sit on the floor at his feet – another thing I had requested in my wishing box. I happily played with my new smart phone while I sat on the floor between his legs. Occasionally I’d hug his thigh and kiss it. And other times he’d smack me playfully with his hard cock. It was an evening I sorely needed after the emotional upheaval of this month’s cycle.

Coitus Interruptus

Published on January 6, 2010 in D/s, DeeDee, Uncategorized, bdsm, caning, cunt, masochism, orgasm on command, sadism, sex and sex toys. 0 Comments

DeeDee is visiting MasterDoc this week, but he set aside Tuesday night for me while she went out on her first Domme date – that is, she’s exploring her Domme side and meeting potential male submissives!

When I got to MasterDoc’s, Stacina was on the living room floor naked. This is just one thing in the long list of things that would be remarkable/weird in another household but it’s completely expected when you go to MasterDoc’s. He had a hot threesome with Stacina and DeeDee that day. Unfortunately I had to be at work during this. I get that feeling like a little kid wanting to stay up on New Year’s Eve – I don’t want to miss any of the fun. But life intervenes and one must earn a living….

MasterDoc had just dropped DeeDee off at the subway to go to her date, and Stacina was gathering her wits about her. She left soon after, but not before doing some clean up. Can you tell she was a service sub for a long time? She brought me a drink of water, unasked. I would like to be that thoughtful. I do it for MasterDoc but I’m not the best hostess. I need to work on that.

After she left, I did the mandatory time on the Wii Fit and showered. MasterDoc did the same and we heated up yummy leftovers for dinner. I wondered if he was going to still want to get freaky with me since he had such a sexual day – but I should know better than to worry about that. He suggested I take the laptop into the bedroom. I knew this was the cue that we were going to fool around. I put the throe on the bed and the laptop too, and got out lube, condoms and my collar. Key item I forgot: I should have plugged in the magic wand! Luckily he let me do this after he reminded me.

We cuddled for a while, and I was really happy to have that alone time with him. I like playing with his “spot” – I think I’ve mentioned here that he has this delectable spot in the middle of his chest where the hair is just the right density and rubbing it is comforting. We joked about making a sex doll version of his chest for “post-orgasmic relaxation.” I then came up with the idea to put “spot worship” as a fetish on fetlife. If you see that, you’ll know it was me.

He had me pick out some porn, and I continued with the public humiliation porn with “Nadia.” (No that’s not me, but she looks like she’s having fun.) He had me put my collar on and sit on the bed in front of him. He took the lightest cane to my breasts, flicking the nipples. The cane really needs to be striking you sideways to make an impact. On my left breast it was barely noticeable as he had the tip striking it. Next, I was up on hands and knees. My pain tolerance seemed pretty good last night, and he gave me a long caning using the light and medium canes. He tapped my upper back with it, he went lightly on my ass and then harder. I was in subspace pretty quickly, and so when he climbed on the bed next to me and grabbed by tits roughly from underneath, I was struck by how hot it is to endure pain for someone. It’s such a mark of devotion to let someone hurt you. (Of course, in some respects I like the pain.) I felt acutely aware of the pleasure of sadism for a change. I felt that his beating me could be arousing for him as well – usually I feel like it’s more of a service the Dom does for the masochistic sub. I liked believing he enjoys it too, for the first time. Funny how that doesn’t get into my head.

Laying on my back now, he played with my cunt, adding just a bit of lube. He teased the clitoris with his fingers and eventually worked his fingers into me. He stroked the g-spot – enough to make it feel wonderful but not enough to make me come.

“Do you like my fingers inside you?”

“Oh yes, Sir!”

He reclined and had me play with this inner thighs and his cock got quite hard. He had me up on hands and knees, condom on, ready to fuck me when… his phone rang. It was DeeDee so he answered it. She was home early and would it be ok if she came upstairs? He had told her we should be done by 10 pm and not to come home before then, it was around 9:30 when she called. Yes, rather than have her wait in the building lobby he told her to come up.

By that time, his cock had gone soft. He joked about how I have a reason to be annoyed with DeeDee, but soon enough his cock was at attention again. He starts to fuck me when… his phone rang. It was DeeDee again, she didn’t have the key to his apartment and was stuck outside until he went to open the door. He told her she had to wait this time, and proceeded to fuck me hard. I was concerned that maybe she was outside the door to the building, in the cold. So when it came time for me to come, I couldn’t quite get there. Not to be daunted, MasterDoc proceeded to finger my g-spot (yes, Virginia, it does exist) and even grabbed the magic wand. He made me come until every last orgasm was wrung from my body. I collapsed in a heap. He went and opened the door for DeeDee.

He came back for cuddles and I was quite happy. After cuddling was done to satisfaction he had DeeDee come in to tell us about her date. It went well, but ultimately that’s her story to tell if she wishes.

The Depression and Insecurity Struggle

Published on January 1, 2010 in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, anger, anxiety, caning, crazy, depression, derangement, dom, emotions, mental illness, neurosis and sex. 1 Comment

This entry was started last weekend – twice. I fell into a deep depression on Saturday and I’ve taken my time figuring out how much about it I want to share.

I’m leaving out the many bits that added up and led to this but I ended up crying hysterically (yes, truly hysterically. I was gasping for air because I was crying so hard) at MasterDoc’s and being totally contrary, depressed and angry for the better part of the day. Bless MasterDoc’s patience. He did all he could to try to shake me out of it but I was unshakable for much of the day. He tried caning, which just pissed me off. *chuckle* He tried a firm hand, taking control, telling me to get my collar and get up and do some chores. That didn’t work. I was so weighted down with depression that I couldn’t move. I really couldn’t move. And when I finally got up to go use the bathroom I struggled to get to my feet and amble down the hall. It was a feeling much like when you’re heavily sick with flu and you feel like you’re moving through molasses.

But he kept at it, kept talking to me. Kept trying to reason with me through my tears. (He’s nothing if not a reasonable, rational man.) Eventually the core was reached – I don’t think I’m worthy of being loved. All the rest is window dressing for this one core truth. Sure there are times when I’m not depressed when I feel worthwhile, but depression makes me feel utterly useless and unlovable. I’ve struggled with this since late childhood.

Sometimes via writing this blog I get people telling me I’m sexy, exciting, wonderful, attractive, etc. At those times the little low self-esteem voice in my head quotes the following bit from a Neil Finn song, Truth:

“They have showered me with riches /and they say that I am worthy of their love and their attention/ but they still don’t know the truth.”

I figure why believe someone who only knows me through the blog? Even though I am extremely candid here someone still can’t know me entirely with all my foibles and full-on flaws. I can’t accept compliments. Not really. I grew up thinking that if I felt good about myself then I was being egotistical and that I should always know my flaws and work on them. (Maybe this is a residual Catholic thing?) When I started coming out of the depression on Saturday, started being more reasonable at least, MasterDoc listed a bunch of things he likes about me; and I didn’t recognize the person he described. I didn’t think it could be me. But at the same time it felt so good to be told I’m loved and wanted.

As I was slowly recovering emotionally, I had a revelation. I finally understood age play. I had always been among the camp of “that makes me really uncomfortable but I won’t interfere with two consenting adults playing how they want to play.” But jeez, Saturday night I wanted nothing more than to be taken care of like a little child. I wanted to abdicate all responsibility. I wanted to be told when to brush my teeth and go to bed. I wanted to be held and petted and told I’m loved. It was a struggle for me to do tasks MasterDoc asked me to do, having any responsibility felt like too much for me to handle. I really felt like I needed to be taken care of. I did get petting from MasterDoc and told that I’m loved, but I didn’t get the full level of being controlled and taken care of. Oh well. That’s not what our relationship is like.

By the next day I was feeling calmer and no longer suicidal. I’ve struggled with dips into depression this week but have ultimately ended the week on a stable note. Wednesday night, while MasterDoc caned me, he made me repeat after him, “I am incredibly lovable.” He made me say it a few times and made me promise that I would remember that. We talked a little about how I came to feel this way when I was young, and having a mother who was moody and wildly unpredictable had a lot to do with it – i.e., one day I’d say “good morning” and she’d be loving and we’d bake cookies, but another morning I’d say the same exact thing in the same exact way and she’d bite my head off. As MasterDoc and I talked, he asked if I had ever tried to diagnose my mother. (I have an educational background in psychology.) I haven’t really, but immediately I said that she must suffer from depression like I do. And MasterDoc wondered aloud if I ever realized that these issues were my mother’s own or if I internalized them and blamed myself. And you know, until last night, at age 37, I never had the thought that these issues were my mother’s, and not my fault. I blamed myself from a young age. I thought that I made her mad or sad.

Somehow, I forget how, he came up with the idea of a time out next time I snap at him – time facing the corner to cool down and think. I think it’s interesting how a lot of what I’m getting out of our relationship in recent weeks is sorta parenting my inner child on things I missed out on when I actually was a child. I don’t doubt that my submission has some roots in wanting to be loved and pleasing. I think it could be really healing to try to please someone who is capable of being pleased for a change.

MasterDoc continued to say wonderful things to me all evening, working on bolstering my self-esteem. I’m trying to figure out how to accept the compliments. He feels a little offended that, in a way, I should think so little of his opinion of me as to not believe it. But it’s not that his opinion is off, it’s that I just can’t think about myself rationally sometimes.

We did eventually have sex, and while I came hard as always (rowr!) I was slow to warm up by that time as he bounced between watching porn on the computer and watching basketball on tv. I had been ready for fooling around after the caning but the sex didn’t come til much later. I didn’t complain, and he pointed out that I’m patient. He fucked me, and the ensuing hard orgasm helped my already improving mood. As we watched an assfucking porn afterward, I told him that it made me want to be fucked up the ass. And yes, he fucked me up the ass then. Very hot. I lay back after each fucking and felt utterly content.

He jerked off to come, and came in my mouth again. I sucked his cock while holding the come in my mouth and gleefully dribbled it out when he told me to. I think this is my current fetish. I hope that he’ll have me rub it over my breasts or something next time.

So as I head into the new year, I seem to be dealing with a bout of depression. Hopefully I will manage to work through it like I always have in the past. Having a loving Dom will certainly help. Having a loving Davey will help too, but I think part of me needs a bit of a challenge when it comes to being loved. I feel like I need to earn it, and Davey loves me virtually unconditionally. Not that MasterDoc doesn’t, but he criticizes constructively and gets me working on improving. I think I need to prove to myself that I have earned the love I receive.

Day of Debauchery

Published on December 19, 2009 in D/s, Uncategorized, anal, analingus, bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, bondage, caning, exhibitionism, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, show, spanking, submissive, sybian and threesome. 0 Comments

Friday was quite a full day of pervyness with MasterDoc. Early in the afternoon, he had a lady who’s a switch come over with the intention of her helping top me. But somehow he found out that she also has a swing profile and he proceeded to look up the profile and read it out loud to her. He teased her mercilessly as it’s quite a slutty profile. (Yeah, like either of us have an issue with sluts. They’re our favorite people!) She turned red and we all laughed so hard. When he got to the point about how she can come from just neck/ear nibbling or nipple stimulation he said, “Oh yeah?” and proceeded to play with her neck. The laughing stopped around then, and she was immediately in a horny reverie, head tipping back, mouth open. He took out one breast and I took out the other, and the two of us made her come from just sucking on her nipples. It was loads of fun. He teased her sadistically some more, and somehow none of us ever ended up naked. But we had the best time laughing and teasing. I’m hoping we get to see her again soon. (And while I was perfectly happy with how the visit turned out, I do look forward to being topped by two people at once someday!)

Later in the afternoon, an Irish guy who had watched a show before came over to see us again. MasterDoc put me over the Liberator scoop, used the wrist and thigh cuffs to attach me to the scoop, and spanked my ass. It felt more sting-y than usual yesterday and the canes smarted something awful. He alternated with the riding crop as well which was easier to handle. His wooden paddle was almost unbearable. He helped me deal with the pain by putting the magic wand up against my cunt while he spanked me some more. I did my best to grind my clit against the wand, but it was always just slightly off to the side of the ideal spot. But I got so hot, and so far into subspace, from that beating/teasing combo. He let me lay over the scoop for a few minutes after so I could come down a bit.

He took off the wrist cuffs and I felt floaty when I got up. I knelt before him, he was seated on the couch, and sucked MasterDoc’s cock. He did a little face fucking again, which produced lots of drool. It’s not easy being gagged like that but I do think it’s terribly hot. The river of drool that comes out as my mouth is pulled off is really sexy in a nasty sort of way. Earlier, he had told me I’m a dirty slut and made me admit that I wanted to be used in front of our guest. The low growl to his voice as he makes me look him in the eye and say these things get me so hot. I feel embarrassed but oh so turned on.

He had me warm up on the floor mat with the magic wand. I couldn’t look our guest in the eye too often but I did get myself very close to orgasm quickly. MasterDoc fucked me from behind for a bit and the feel of his cock inside me while I pressed the magic wand to my clit would have easily been enough to send me (way) over the edge. But I wasn’t given permission to come just yet. I had to pull the wand away from my clit a bit to ensure I didn’t come accidentally. But it felt so good and I wanted to come so badly.

Our guest had told MasterDoc beforehand that he wanted to see me fucked up the ass, and so MasterDoc pulled his cock out and lubed up my ass and my slender, red glitter dildo. He slid the dildo into my ass to warm me up and it felt great as he fucked me with it. I think I’m still a little surprised at how aroused I can get from anal stimulation. This didn’t last long, and MasterDoc put his hard cock against my hole. For a moment it felt like it wasn’t going to go in, but then it pushed past my sphincter. Holy shit did it feel good to feel his large cock in my ass. He fucked me hard while our guest watched and I moaned like a bitch in heat. MasterDoc talked dirty to me, telling me I’m a good little three hole slut and other equally hot, nasty things. He knows that telling me I’m a slut, whore, fucktoy, etc. will get me off even harder.

When he told me to come, I came so very hard. I screamed, my head slid forward off the mat. He kept fucking my ass and I must have gotten absolutely flooded with wetness. He took his cock out and fingered me a bit, making me come more. I had to lay down to rest for a while after. I was in a wonderful state of subspace.

He topped off the show with a sybian ride, but first I had to earn it by licking his ass. He had me rub his ass a bit and as I looked at it I was filled with dread. I know analingus doesn’t bother some people but it’s not one of my favorite things. I did as I was told, however, and humiliatingly ate out his ass while our guest watched. Quite a bit of humiliation play let me tell you.

On the sybian, he teased me for a bit and then I came shrieking and screaming, burying my head into his chest. I think he and our guest were quite amused at watching me lose all control like that. He had our guest spank me while I rode the sybian and I loved being spanked during it. The whole experience was exceptional. If every time could be so intense, nasty and hot, I would just live in perpetual heaven. (Not that I don’t already come close, mind you.)

Later that night our friend came over and I got to use my strap on harness on her. But you will have to go to the review to get an account of that.

Oh and a little tidbit – the needles MasterDoc ordered for needleplay came in!

Spreader Bar

Published on December 13, 2009 in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, kink, masochism, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, restraints, sex, sex toys and spanking. 1 Comment

I usually blog things in chronological order, but this is an entry I took a while to get around to. It happened Tuesday afternoon, before I was pierced.

DeeDee got MasterDoc a couple of spreader bars. He used one on me that afternoon, and I was glad to get to use the leather cuffs I’ve had for a long time but rarely used. I couldn’t find one of the wrist cuffs, but we were just going to use the ankle ones that day anyway. I hooked myself up to it, and there is some give for me to get my thighs together because of the way the cuffs are hooked to the ends. He had me stand up with it and it’s very awkward to stand with your legs so far apart.

He had me get back on the bed, face down and legs spread. It was difficult to move with the spreader bar but I managed to get back on the bed. He caned my upper back for a while and he caned my butt. I’m really growing to like the cane. It’s sting-y, but he can vary the intensity of the strokes a great deal.

He placed the magic wand under my cunt and I ground my clit into the vibration. It was hard to get it at just the right point but I kept writhing to reach it. He continued to spank and cane me while he teased me with the wand and this made me so hot. He would sometimes take hold of the wand and press it into my cunt. Oh god, I thought I was going to come even without permission. I begged for orgasms but he said, “Not yet.”

He worked a dildo into me and I tried to figure out which one by how it felt in my cunt. I guessed one of the glass dildos but it turned out to be my acrylic wand. He fucked me with it while the magic wand buzzed away at my clit. He asked if I wanted to come and I was desperate for it. He told me to come. He fucked me hard with the dildo and pressed the wand against my clit. I should remind you that my legs were still held apart by the spreader bar. I gripped the bedsheets – even well after the orgasm had ended. It took a while to pry my fingers from their death grip on the sheets. He kept me coming for a long time and that’s another form of control – I come when he lets me, and I come for as along as he wants me to.

I sucked his cock for a bit and he had me get on top for a fucking. He used the riding crop on my ass a little as I rode him. The strikes of pain helped my pussy throb with desire even more. He called me whore and when I came he made me keep coming even after his cock got pushed out. I rubbed my pussy against his cock and I was so hot that I passionately stroked his chest, wanting more and more. But this greedy girl had to be happy with multiple orgasms that rocked her world. Poor me.

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Pee-Shy

Published on November 30, 2009 in D/s, Uncategorized, anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, bondage, caning, dom, edge play, embarrassment, emotions, exhibitionism, flogging, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, piss play, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, show, spanking, squirting, submissive and sybian. 3 Comments

I was feeling extra shy and anxious about the show MasterDoc had planned this morning. I knew that the guy coming liked to watch women pee; he had watched DeeDee on one of her recent visits. I am super pee-shy. I get anxiety just from trying to pee in a crowded public restroom – and that’s from within a stall where I’m by myself. MasterDoc joked with me today that he wondered what my mother managed to do to me when being potty trained that I should have such anxiety issues. Max Lagos asked me on twitter why I was pee-shy. I know intellectually that we all pee, it’s no big deal, it’s merely releasing waste liquid from your body. But somehow at a deep subconscious level I feel anxious about it. It’s embarrassing. It’s something that’s supposed to be totally private. I hated hearing about DeeDee’s experience. Just hearing about it was painful.

MasterDoc reassured me that it’s not a big deal if I couldn’t manage to do it. He tried to allay my anxiety but I still thought to myself, “I need drugs! Now! Tranquilizers! Alcohol!”

When our guest showed up he asked me how the library business was. I figured MasterDoc had mentioned what I do, or the blog or something, but our guest told me that he had seen me before a while ago. It must’ve been one of the shows earlier on in my relationship with MasterDoc. I did panic for a few moments wondering if I knew him from where I work. I think I just eventually got to the point, as I was sucking MasterDoc’s cock, that I was in for a penny, in for a pound and should just go with it. Whoever this guy is he already knew I’m a submissive slut.

MasterDoc had me go back to suck his cock for a while. I had been in the middle of doing that when our guest buzzed the door. I did lots of deep throating when I went back to sucking him, and focused totally on the blow job. He had me take his cock out of my mouth for a moment and look up at him while he stroked my cheek with his cock. He had me take the head just a little bit into my mouth, still looking at him. Eye contact with MasterDoc is hot for me, but eye contact with others is really difficult.

MasterDoc bent me over the scoop on the floor. He asked if I wanted to be bound with the wrist and thigh cuffs and I said yes. Even though the position might have potentially been uncomfortable I was keen enough to try it because I’ve craved bondage. He beat me with two of the canes, the two floggers. I focused on breathing in order to deal with the pain. He told me to look at our guest, and I could barely fix my eyes on him for more than a split second. I kept closing my eyes and looking down. Eye contact is harder for me than many other things. Pee on me. Make me lick your ass. But please don’t make me make eye contact with someone I don’t know. With my anxiety level already high, it was exceptionally hard.

Apparently the flogger left a nice pattern on my upper back and the canes left a nice pattern on my butt. Unfortunately there was no camera handy. MasterDoc dipped his fingers into my cunt to see if I was wet, and I was so wet you could hear the squishing. He caned me some more and then released me from the bonds. I kept laying face down over the scoop because I didn’t want to see our guest.

MasterDoc had me sit face up with legs spread, but he let me wear a blindfold. I used my bullet vibe on my clit, and as usual I felt turned on knowing there was an audience but not being able to see said audience. MasterDoc had me turn back over. He lubed up my ass with his finger in case he decided to fuck my ass. I rubbed the vibe against clit and moaned as he fingered my ass. He backed off a bit and said, “Show me how much you want it. Show me how much you want my cock.”

I was writhing and humping the vibe. He had me get up on my knees to get fucked from behind. After some thought as to which hole he’d take, he fucked my cunt. The blindfold allowed me to relax and focus on what was going on. When he let me come I squirt a huge puddle all over pillow and rug. (Next time I will hopefully remember the throe.) He kept me coming a good long time and I squirted more than once.

After a rest, MasterDoc decided to put me on the sybian since I had been a good girl this weekend. But I first tried to nonchalantly ask if I could go use the bathroom. MasterDoc picked up on my attempt at passing it by him and right away asked me, “What for?” When I said I had to pee I covered my face with my hands and felt embarrassed. But there was no letting me off. The two men followed me into bathroom. I was instructed to sit on the toilet leaning back, with my legs spread. I tried to pee, really I did. MasterDoc asked me if I’d prefer looking at him or eyes closed. Definitely eyes closed! Our guest ran the water faucet in the sink. That didn’t help. I couldn’t help but laugh when MasterDoc added in the bathtub faucet. I struggled with trying to relax my sphincter. I shifted my weight around, put my hands up to my face; I was really fidgety. They eventually left me alone but I’m wasn’t supposed to go without letting them know. I still couldn’t pee. Several more minutes passed, and MasterDoc came in to tell me that our guest had said to let me off the hook about peeing, and get me on the sybian. MasterDoc let me pee without an audience but with my anxiety level so high I still had some trouble. Eventually, I managed to get a little out and I rejoined them in the living room.

We got me situated on the sybian. MasterDoc told me that as I’m working up to coming I can look down or at him, but when I’m ready to come I have to look at our guest as I ask permission until MasterDoc gives me permission to come. I find that even with sybian cranked up I can’t overcome my anxiety over making eye contact. It’s clear to MasterDoc that I’m overwhelmed by anxiety when I don’t come or even seem all that close to coming. He finally gives me permission to just come, and even then it takes several seconds before I can truly orgasm. I bury my head in his chest and hump the sybian as I come.

Our guest leaves after this, telling me he likes my smile as he says goodbye. I’m so embarrassed I can barely look him in the eye. I curl up on the sofa with the throe over me while MasterDoc walks him to the door. I’m feeling a little like I’m in shock, or having a touch of PTSD. I think it’s just that extreme anxiety will cause me to get a little triggered. After some talking with MasterDoc about the experience and how I felt, I calmed down and the bad feelings went away. I wonder if it would have helped to have me pee in front of MasterDoc before trying a stranger. I can pee in the same room as Davey or MasterDoc, but I have only once in my life had someone actually watch me pee. (And that was totally not erotic to me and I had a hard time then too. It was about 10 years ago with the guy who was my boyfriend at the time.) It made it even harder knowing that they (MasterDoc and guest) would enjoy seeing my embarrassment and struggle with this task. MasterDoc was not at all upset with me for not being able to do it, but the experience was stressful on the whole. Luckily, we went out for tea (sandwiches, scones and a large selection of teas to choose from) after and this very urbane meal helped me feel more centered and relaxed.

MasterDoc asked me if the experience was at least hot, and I had to admit that I was too anxious to feel turned on. The caning turned me on. Using the bullet vibe on myself turned me on, but any eye contact or pee attempts freaked me the hell out. I was feeling a little bit hot about the idea before our guest arrived. But with someone there I don’t know, I was overly anxious.

Coming and Caning

Published on November 9, 2009 in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, kink, masochism, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, spanking and submissive. 0 Comments

MasterDoc said I was overdue for a beating, and after watching Alexis get caned that afternoon I was really keen for one. I was horny, as I so often am around MasterDoc.

He lay on the floor, leaning against the scoop, and had me over to suck his cock. At one point I asked if we could put the mat down if we were going to be on the floor as it would be more comfortable. He thought a moment, and I could tell it was a question of – do I grant her request or do I make her suck it up and suffer a little because I’m the one in control? Ultimately, I had to suck it up and continue to sit on the rug blowing him. And in some ways that is the most satisfactory answer I could have gotten.

I did a lot of cocksucking Saturday, between the Professor and MasterDoc. But lately I really enjoy putting MasterDoc’s hard cock in my mouth. He pushed my head down at one point, so that I was gagging on his cock, like I had wished for. It was yummy! As I came back up and gasped for air, I was all too happy to put my salivating mouth back on his cock right after. He enjoyed my cocksucking skills, and I feel quite pleased with myself when I go down on him lately. He’s trained me well and I think the training comes in handy with other men as well.

We put the mat down, and MasterDoc got a bit distracted by the television. I cuddled up to him and hoped that we would move on to some beating or fucking. When his attention returned to me, he had me suck his cock some more until it was good and hard. Then he had me get on top and ride him. Somehow, my clit was super sensitive and it was too intense as it rubbed against his tummy while I fucked him. I had to reach down and try to arrange my labia so that it covered the clit a bit. I worked through the sensitive clit issue, and was ready to come in a short while. When he gave me permission to come I fell forward as my body spasmed. His cock got pushed out and I kept coming even without direct genital stimulation. I was practically smothering the poor man as I collapsed on top of him.

We took another break, and I was hoping that he’d secure me over the scoop like Alexis had been, but instead he had me on my knees, ass in the air. He spanked me for a while to warm me up, and then he took to the lightest cane he has. He worked me over with it – stopping when the pain was too much for me and I needed to breathe deeply and slowly to regain control over my wits. He pushed me farther with the cane than I think we’ve ever gone. I should check to see if I have any marks today. He not only caned my ass but also my upper thighs a bit. He tickled me a little by running the cane down my back and sides. I was in subspace heaven. Just when I thought he might be done he’d start caning me again. Eventually, he finished and let me lie down.

I should have asked for a cuddle then, as I really needed some aftercare, but I was too lost in my own headspace to verbalize anything. It wasn’t until MasterDoc went to bed a short while later that I realized that I really wanted some hugs. I had to put that off until the next morning. But I certainly survived. It was nice to go to sleep next to him at least.

The Professor and Alexis

Published on November 8, 2009 in D/s, Uncategorized, bdsm, blow jobs, bondage, caning, cunnilingus, dom, flogging, foursome, kink, masochism, orgasm on command, restraints, sadism, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive and swinging. 3 Comments

Saturday afternoon, a Dom and his submissive came over to MasterDoc’s place. He’s going to be known as the Professor and she is Alexis. MasterDoc connected with the Professor via Craigslist (thus prompting my tweet, “Craigslist: Bringing perverts together since 1995″) this weekend. The main plan was to give Alexis a sybian ride, but they brought some toys as well. (canes, flogger)

After they arrived, we chatted briefly. I had been made to answer the door in my maid costume, complete with fishnet stockings and high heels. MasterDoc is quite fond of it. After I tweeted that he’s “inordinately” fond of it, he’s threatened to send me to the corner store in it. I really, really, really hope he’s kidding.

Alexis knelt on the floor next to the Professor as he sat on the sofa with MasterDoc. I sat in a chair, as my relationship with MasterDoc does not have me sit on the floor (a big part of this is probably because of my knee problems). We chatted a bit. I was fairly quiet, Alexis was almost totally quiet.

When things got started, Alexis went off to the next room to change. She came back in bra and panties and thigh high boots. In the meanwhile, I went and got all the restraint pieces that go with my Liberator scoop. It took a little time, but ultimately Alexis was arranged laying over the scoop (rounded side) with her wrists and thighs cuffed to the scoop. (It comes with thigh cuffs.) The initial angle wasn’t right for MasterDoc and I to watch so he and the Professor shifted Alexis around, as if she were part of the furniture.

The spanking started, Professor taking one side, MasterDoc the other. It was a little tough since both of them are right-handed. Her ass was rosy before too long. I was asked if I wanted to give it a go, and I think I surprised MasterDoc when I said yes. Of course, I got teased for hitting her too lightly at first, so I picked up the intensity a bit. I didn’t do it for long though. Next, the Professor got out his flogger and used it on her ass. She would yelp after a particularly sharp hit. MasterDoc flogged her as well. Next came the canes. Yikes! He had a fairly thick cane (I think a bit thicker than the thickest one we have – and we’ve never gone as far as that one with me). Wow, did he leave stripes! He started out tapping it on her ass, but moved up to some sharp strikes. She would leap up as far as the restraints would allow her and cry out. He’d order her back down and she’d lay down for more caning.

MasterDoc had me get the magic wand (and the throe) so that he could tease me on the sofa while Alexis got caned. As he started teasing me, the Professor came over to get a better look. I closed my eyes and felt the thrum of the wand against my pussy. MasterDoc moved it around, teasing me. He’d put it right on my clit but move it before I could get too worked up. It was decided that the Professor was going to give Alexis six more cane strikes, and that when he got to the sixth, I was allowed to come.

MasterDoc teased me all along, and the caning seemed to take forever. When the Professor got to number six though, I came in my usual hard, screaming, writhing and squirting fashion. The Professor came over for a closer look, and I squirted a huge puddle as he watched and held my legs apart. Thank goodness we put the throe down! The couch would have been soaked with my juices. I grasped wildly at MasterDoc as I came.
Alexis’ ass was red, striped and even had a bit of flayed skin. For the rest of the afternoon, if her bottom was touched she’d yelp and wince. I don’t doubt she is still having trouble sitting. After her calmly taking the caning, it was time to make her feel good. The Professor bound her wrists with rope with a good length between them, and the men got her on the sybian. MasterDoc worked the controls (something he has gotten really skilled at) and soon she was coming very, very hard. At one point the Professor made her look at him, and then look at me. I feel awkward keeping eye contact as I know it’s something that’s very difficult for me.

After Alexis had enough, she had a rest and a cuddle with her Dom. I cuddled with MasterDoc.

Next, I was ordered on my knees in front of MasterDoc and I had to suck his cock. He ordered me to look at the Professor as I did so. I felt pretty comfortable with him, so it wasn’t quite as hard as it sometimes is, but I still had trouble keeping eye contact. Alexis was on her knees by this time sucking the Professor’s cock as he sat on the couch as well. After a bit, the men had us change places and I went right over and started sucking the Professor’s cock. Alexis started in on MasterDoc’s. The Professor asked me to lick his nipples and I did so. It was hard from that position to reach them, so he suggested I lay on the floor next to him. He lay down and I went for his nipples – something he quite enjoyed. (MasterDoc’s nipples are super-sensitive, so I have to leave his alone.) Alexis took over sucking his cock, and the Professor asked if I could straddle his head. MasterDoc was fine with this and so I did. The Professor licked at my clit and pussy and I was soon moaning. MasterDoc came over, and started slapping my face and calling me whore – and as usual that got me really hot. I moaned even more. While it’s often difficult for me to come from cunnilingus, I was on the verge of orgasm in no time. I asked MasterDoc for permission to come, and he granted it. I came hard, the Professor had a finger inside me as my muscles did their extreme clenching. Wow. I was quite happy after. I lay down to rest.

Alexis had the Professor on the verge of orgasm and he had her place her mouth firmly over his cock as he came. She swallowed every last drop of come. MasterDoc was a little bummed that she swallowed right away as he likes seeing the come in a woman’s mouth after.

The Professor and Alexis had to get going, so that was about the end of our afternoon together. It was a lot of fun and hopefully we will see them again. After that, I was itching for a beating of my own.