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Sunday Threesome

Published on April 17, 2011 in anxiety, attraction, bisexuality, blow jobs, masturbation, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, sex, slut, swinging, threesome and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

Last Sunday (yes it has taken me a week to write this) MasterDoc and I had a threesome with a playmate he’s met recently. She’s very bi, very comfortable with swinging and is basically a laid back sort of woman.

One of my issues that comes up with having a partner who is significantly older than me is my own ageism. MasterDoc is 18 years older than me, and sometimes he finds sex partners close to his age. (DeeDee is close in age to him.) Until shortly before I met MasterDoc I wouldn’t have dreamed of dating someone not within about 5 years of my age. I’ve realized that’s stupid now, but still ageism creeps in. I find it happens more with women than men, and I think this whole stupid thing is something I picked up from our culture at large.

Our playmate on Sunday was a woman around MasterDoc’s age. I think he hesitated to have me join them at first since he knows I can be so weird about age sometimes. But I’m trying to overcome that, because, as I’ve said three times already, it’s stupid.

Something I’ve noticed about women in their 50s is that while facially they look older than women in their 30s (my current decade) their bodies aren’t significantly different. The skin on our faces is exposed to sunlight often, but bodies are covered most of the time we’re outside (our hands are like our faces). So the skin ages differently.

Women in their 50s are often quite attractive still, but in this society women past childbearing age are throwaway. (As are other types of women like sex workers, the disabled, women of color, etc. After a certain age pretty much everyone becomes throwaway in this society.) Aging is portrayed as making men look “distinguished” but women look “old.” It’s taken a long time for female actresses to continue to get work over 40, but it seems to happen more often these days.

All this explication to say that I was anxious I’d have an ageist reaction, but when I shut up the stupid prejudices in my head, I had a good time. (I didn’t have an ageist reaction when I met DeeDee, so it doesn’t always happen.)

Something else that went right is that I was able to focus on MasterDoc’s fun and pleasure much more than in the past and not be as selfish. As his friend sucked his cock, I stroked his chest and did whatever I could to add to his experience – and didn’t get some resentful, selfish attitude in my head. He rewarded me by making me come from grabbing my hair.

The configuration shifted, and she sucked on my nipples (yum!) while he worked her over. I was getting hot and MasterDoc realized that if he reached his other hand over to grab my ass, that he could probably get the two of us women to come at the same time. He was right as usual. Now while he can make me come without genital stimulation, it’s more fun and intense when stimulation is involved.

MasterDoc asked me to get Alexis (our playmate) ready to fuck. I played with her clit, which she thanked me for. While MasterDoc fucked her, I worked my arms to exhaustion playing with his ass during fucking (I mean really, try to put pressure on someone’s ass muscles as they thrust toward and away from you alternately!)

Thankfully, after he fucked her for a while I got some direct attention. He fingered me to orgasm then switched off to our guest fingering me. MasterDoc helped me keep coming by giving me the command to come.

I was hoping to get fucked too, but I didn’t get a chance as my body was exhausted from stepping up my exercise recently, and exhaustion led to be being excused instead of getting the fucking I on some level wanted anyway. As much as I would have liked to go on, my shoulders were killing me. I moseyed off to the living room. I could hear them having a great time in the bedroom. I felt some jealousy flare up but I took the time to explore it. Jealousy usually comes from insecurity for me, and I know full well that MasterDoc is just playmates with this woman. I didn’t have any practical reason to feel jealous. And the two of them DID make me feel really good until I faded out. While I wish I had gotten more action during the threesome (my usual concern) I was actually too tired to continue. Plus MasterDoc had fucked me the prior two days in a row. Overall, right after the threesome I felt that I had had a very good time.

The next day, however, I did feel some unhappiness over the fact that in a threesome with him, me and another woman, I often feel overlooked. It makes it hard for me to feel my usual (high!) level of sexual enthusiasm when it comes to threesomes. This is something I’m still struggling with. Perhaps I need to do more threesomes with two MEN.

Untitled

Published on April 11, 2011 in bdsm, blow jobs, D/s, humiliation play, kink, masturbation, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, porn, prostate massage, sex, shio, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I’ve been having a great time with MasterDoc this weekend. I’ve gotten a lot of hot sex. Both Friday and Saturday night had sexytime in them, and this even though MasterDoc wasn’t initially planning on sex on Friday.

I remember the details of Saturday more clearly (as I start writing this it’s Sunday afternoon). He grabbed at me like I was a piece of meat, reaching over to grasp a buttock with one hand and roll me onto my stomach. As a submissive, I get very hot when he seems to be using my body just as he likes. The porn we had watched the night before included a submissive telling a guy to “Please use my hole to make yourself come!” over and over. I considered speaking that a few times on Friday and Saturday nights.

He continued to grope me like I was a piece of meat, and then turned over onto his back. He told me to get over there and suck his cock, which I did. He choked me on it a few times, long enough that I wondered if I was going to pass out. While there’s a bit of fear involved in that, there’s also a great thrill. I got his cock super hard and he told me that I “suck a mean dick.”

He wanted me on my knees to fuck, and I was pleasantly rather wet already. Usually we use some lube for sex, but I started out with just enough natural lubrication for him to fuck me. He pounded me for quite a while – the difference between sex now and sex when he was heavier, not exercising regularly and not getting testosterone supplements is tremendous. The man is 18 years my senior, and lately he exhausts me! (And keep in mind the sex was pretty damn amazing from the start of our relationship.) I gripped the top of the sheets so hard with my hands. He fucked me until I couldn’t hold back and I came tons. I’ve gotten better at not pushing his cock out of my pussy during orgasm (although it does still happen sometimes) and having him shove that hard dick in my pussy while I came felt amazing. The sheet grasping continued, my elbows started to hurt. After I had come a few times without a direct order, he told me to come and I had a relatively short orgasm. I was already worn out from a few minutes worth of coming.

As we lay down after, my shoulders ached from a combination of exercise earlier in the day and the tensing of my body during orgasm after orgasm. I had to rest. He told me I need to get in better shape! (I am already in much better shape than I was before we started all this lifestyle changing so we can be healthier. But I recently started adding a weight to some arm exercises I do. For now, these exhaust my arm muscles.)

I rested for what must have been several minutes. He played with his cock and I got turned on watching. He wanted me to get on top for a fuck, but I was too tired in my muscles to manage that. (Sad but true!) I stroked his body, pressed up against him and did whatever I could to make him feel good and turned on. I spread my legs and started playing with my pussy. He smiled when he saw that. He asked again if I was sure I was too tired to fuck and I was. I pointed out that masturbating together is pretty hot too. He grabbed my hair and soon made me come again as I stroked my swollen clit. I squirted and had to roll myself towards him during orgasm to make sure I didn’t squirt on the bed (but instead made it on the throe). He talked about maybe having me massage his prostate and help him come. Then he realized that with a threesome planned for Sunday afternoon, he was better off not coming on Saturday night. (Plus I had helped him come the night before.) His cock doesn’t always want to cooperate the day after he’s come, so if he knows he has some serious debauchery coming up that abstaining from orgasm is helpful. I have to say this makes me glad to be a woman, especially one with a nearly infinite capacity for orgasm.

We lay in bed for a while. I was ready for a break from sex (with hopes of getting more later) but wasn’t sure what MasterDoc wanted. He played with my pussy a bit, and then when he stopped I played with it myself. Turns out he was ready to stop with sex but I pointed out that his playing with my cunt got me worked up. He said that he would certainly help me come again, and I got excited for a moment. Then he got up and told me he needed to pee. Fuck! He was going to let me come as he peed on me.

I grabbed a vibe and hesitantly followed him to the bathroom. He ran the water in the tub to warm up the porcelain a little. After I was on my knees in the tub, I realized I should have brought the knee pads. I dreaded him peeing on me, but I used the vibe on my clit so I’d be ready to come. As usual, I was allowed to come when I felt his piss hit my body.

As he peed, and he seems to be able to pee for a LONG time, I came and kept pushing myself for more orgasms because while coming I was distracted from the fact that he was pissing on me! I would feel deep humiliation every so often when I thought about what he was doing to me, and despite myself I thought that humiliation was hot. Still, despite the orgasms I was glad to rinse the piss off me. This time, as he left me to clean up he said he was available immediately for aftercare. I was glad he remembered.

I was so cold after the shower that I grabbed a comforter and got underneath when I made it back to the bedroom. MasterDoc cuddled me to help me warm up, and the aftercare was really helpful in bringing me down and enabling me to not feel overly bad about getting pissed on.

“I love you even though you piss on me,” I said.

“One of the many reasons I love you is because I can piss on you,” he said, smiling.

Ultimately, he had me give him a prostate massage without orgasm. Some prostatic fluid oozed its way out at the end. I hope all this massage helps keep his prostate good and healthy.

Blow Jobs and Basketball Games

Published on April 10, 2011 in bdsm, blow jobs, D/s, dom, forced orgasm, porn, sex, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I got a night completely alone with MasterDoc on Wednesday. DeeDee had gone away for the evening, and I was all over a night alone with him.

Unfortunately, he was all over the basketball game (Knicks fan). But I was in a decent submissive mode, and while he watched the game I showered, amused myself with games on my droid and finished cleaning the kitchen. His dishwasher is tiny so the larger pots always have to be done by hand. But it’s still wonderful to have the dishwasher take care of the plates, glasses, silverware, etc.

I had a thought to myself that my scurrying around the apartment doing stuff that amounts to taking care of him, probably made him feel all good and domly. He had me suck his cock while he watched the game, and I’m sure many men reading this are envious of that combination. I kicked off the sex by crawling out to him from the bedroom. He liked that touch.

I went and got the knee pads so I could kneel for a while, then half-time came about. We went off to the bedroom instead. He had me put my collar on, and I stood patiently by the bed while he did some stretches. He jokes that there’s now a “sex tax” on all his ladies – we have to help him stretch any time we have sex with him. After he did the ones he does by himself, I knelt on the bed and lent some pressure to his other stretches. I pointed out that he has a pretty good life, what with having a pretty lady in lingerie (I was wearing a slinky black slip) help do his stretches. “Most people do their stretches without the sexy woman,” I pointed out.

He often admits that in many ways his life is fabulous. By the end of this week he will have had sex with four different women. (But the week’s not over yet, you never know, there might be more! Finally tally: 5) And he has two around nearly all the time who take care of him in more than sexual ways.

He got up on his knees on the bed, leaned over me, and started nibbling my back. Gently at first, then a bit harder. I like when he gets on top of me, it makes me feel very submissive. (Mind you, he doesn’t put his full weight on me.) With all the regular exercise he and I have been getting, his arms are getting defined and while I don’t have muscles as a priority, I like what I see. When he’s over me, I feel like he’s very much the big, dominant male, and I’m the trapped (happily!) submissive female. (Feminist note: The words dominant and submissive are not gendered terms. Either gender can play either role!)

He climbed over me and started touching my body. He can get me so hot without putting a hand on my cunt. He grabbed my hair when he could tell I was twitching and breathing heavy, and told me to come. Fuck. I came right away, very hard and for a long time. He parted my legs and stuck a hand in, pressing against my labia and clit. This just kept me going. I love that feeling of being in some sort of orgasmic fugue where nothing else exists and I can’t stop feeling amazing. When I was exhausted, he cuddled me for a bit. Then a short while later he made me come again, very much like the first time. At this point I had two stellar orgasms and we hadn’t even fucked. Or used toys.

He went back to the game and I went back to scurrying around his place. He had me put on the knee pads and blow him. I got into it, knowing that he must love the life of a dom where he can order his woman to suck his cock while he watches the game. Bending over to reach his cock on the couch was rough on my back, so we tried him standing and me sucking, but I’m too damn tall. I still had to bend over a bit. But it was nice to have his cock in my mouth from that angle – we don’t usually do that since my bad knees preclude a lot of kneeling. He gagged me on it a bit, but mostly had me go slow.

Another position change was needed and he lay on the sofa while I sat between his legs and played with his cock. When the game was over, we watched porn on PublicDisgrace.com. He had me sit next to him and he put his arms around me. Quite a variation on romantically watching a movie. He grabbed my breasts and nipples while we watched. It all got me so hot. After a few minutes, he asked if I wanted to pause it and go fuck. Yes, Sir! He had me get on top and I thrust my cunt down on his cock as hard and fast as I could. The porn had included some intense breast slapping, and I have to admit part of me hoped that having me on top would inspire him to do some of that to me.

He didn’t but I came like crazy as usual.

Just the Two of Us

Published on April 6, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, cunt, D/s, kink, masochism, needle play, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Monday night, MasterDoc commented on how I seem to skip blogging about sex when it’s just him and I lately. Now, this is probably true only for last week, and on some level he was teasing me with the guilt. But I’m sure there was a smidgen of hurt there. It’s certainly not due to our sex as a couple being any less interesting (although I suppose multi-party sex is more uncommon and therefore more interesting in general).

When I hang out at MasterDoc’s for the evening, I try not to assume I’m getting sex. After all, DeeDee needs time alone with him and sex alone with him too. Nearly every evening I’m up for sex, but I try to be patient until I find out what he has in mind. I’m welcome to suggest sex, I just can’t assume that asking for it means I’ll get it. Monday night was one of those evenings when I was hoping but being patient. I was thrilled when he asked me if I wanted to fuck.

We were soon tucked away in the bedroom and he had me suck his cock, which he often does first. He says it’s a good time for him to plot out what he’s going to do that evening. As I sucked on his firm cock flesh, I thought to myself that the problem therein is that he goes from getting warmed up and naughty ideas to wanting to fuck right away, and I’m not always warmed up from just cock sucking. I love it, but it doesn’t always make me adequately wet. (Yes, lube comes in very handy. I kinda suspect some medication I’m on has decreased my wetness as I used to get wet much easier (and more consistently) than I do lately.) If I’m horny but not quite ready I will often just go with the flow and slap on some lube. He’s gotten really good about slowly penetrating me until my vagina opens up for sex. (Did you know that during arousal/foreplay the vagina lengthens and widens to get ready for sex? The kinky librarian is also educational!)

While he told me to get on hands and knees, and he slapped some latex on his cock, he took his time playing with me a bit. He swabbed the left side of my ass off with alcohol.

“I like these needles better than acupuncture needles. Maybe it’s because of my background,” he said as he grabbed a chunk of my flesh and slid a hypodermic needle through the skin. He generally does two needles and this time was no different. I wasn’t initially in a needle mood – I felt afraid of the pain and my ability to deal with it. My pain tolerance varies. I had a hard time eroticizing the pain like I usually do. He took a cane to the needles after they were stuck in my ass and it hurt! It reminded me of my very first needle play experience at a class during Floating World (east coast kink convention) a couple of years ago. The “mean lady,” as I dubbed her, who was teaching the class stuck my upper arm viciously even though I had said it was my very first experience. She then slapped on the needles and I shrieked in pain.

This wasn’t as bad. I have a level of trust with MasterDoc far beyond that of some woman I’d never met who was giving a class. I think I’ve explained here before that this masochist (for I can’t speak for all masochists) experiences a couple different types of pain – there’s the pain that’s distracting and keeps me from thinking about anything other than what hurts. The good pain is pain that feels more like a general sensation rather than what I recognize usually as pain – or – it hurts but I can breathe through it and the energy seems to turn into an endorphin rush soon enough. Unfortunately, the kind of pain that comes from a backache or illness doesn’t turn into endorphins. It just sucks.

But I digress. I continued to feel anxious that he was going to mess around with the needles in my ass and how that would feel. But he fucked me and I tried to put that out of my mind. And I would, until he poked at the needles again. He commented on how I was bleeding, which is usually quite minimal. I felt him wipe at the blood with his finger a little. He continued fucking me. As a doctor, he is not the least bit squeamish about blood. I soon forgot about the needles and focused on his cock. I’m not even sure when he pulled the needles out, it was just an undefinable pain and I assumed it was the needles being struck.

He fucked me until I was whimpering from the desire to come, and then pressed on further. I wondered if he was going to push me into coming. A moment later he gave me the order to come. No pushing necessary. I came and it was an absolutely stellar experience. While every orgasm is pretty damn amazing with MasterDoc, this just seemed like it was more affecting somehow. He kept me coming for a long time, as always. I don’t think anyone has pushed me to come for as long as he does. How marvelous to be with a man who makes you come longer, harder than anyone else has ever bothered to try!

Apparently I’m in a gushy mood tonight. Motion sickness bags can be found in the seat-back in front of you.

I squirted when he exchanged his penis for fingers in my cunt for a little while. The throe was soaked. He fucked me some more, and then fingered me for a bit, and then fucked me some more.

Finally, we collapsed.

I was a very happy puppy.

Busy Beaver, Part Two

Published on April 3, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, bondage, cunt, D/s, edge play, fire cupping, humiliation play, kink, lesbian, masochism, needle play, orgasm on command, piss play, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, slut, squirting, submissive, threesome and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

After work the next evening, Blondie was slated to come over to play with me and MasterDoc. The two of them had been hatching plans. She was curious to learn catheterization, and Doc, having training in such things, showed her how to do it – on my urethra.

They didn’t start with that, thankfully.

After dinner, they hid in the playroom to set up their diabolical plans. As I sat in the living room with DeeDee, she informed me that I’ve been having terrible abdominal pain, and that’s why I was there to see the “doctors.” Uhm hum. She then started teasing me, being an office manager Dom harassing me about my insurance not going through. It was pretty funny.

The doctors called me in to their examining room. After a brief consultation about the abdominal pains I didn’t know enough about to describe. (I think I’m terrible at medical role play.) I was told to get undressed, and I joked about keeping my socks on – after all, even the gynecologist lets me keep my socks on. I lay down on the bed, which had the Liberator wedge on it to tilt my pelvis up. The doctors started with some suction pump on my tits. It was uncomfortable but bearable. Then the lady doctor (Blondie, who in real life knows acupuncture) showed MasterDoc how to do fire cupping. This is a technique used in Chinese medicine. Glass “cups” (kinda shaped like round jars, with a lip) have a flame (alcohol-soaked cotton ball on fire) run around the inside of them and then the cups are promptly placed on the flesh – it forms a vacuum.

I soon had both nipples, my stomach, and my thighs being sucked uncomfortably into the cups. As the pressurized flesh turned purple, I was afraid of bruising. (The last time I had fire cupping done was for acupuncture, and it looked like I had been sucked on by an alien creature for about a week.) This morning there isn’t much in the way of marks. Blondie placed one of the big cups over my pussy and it sucked my labia in. It felt strange to me, Blondie likes the sensation. It didn’t bother me but it didn’t arouse me either.

They moved on to needles – acupuncture needles are easy to handle. MasterDoc wanted to use some of our regular hypodermic needles for play, but I was happy to just have the very thin acupuncture needles pressed into my flesh. The points on my ear hurt, but otherwise there was no problem. Blondie taught MasterDoc acupuncture needling. She also showed him how to put moxa on the ends of a few needles and then light it to add heat to them.

Chinese medical play finished, they got me laying over the wedge so my pelvis was tilted. Unfortunately I kept slipping down the shape and putting pressure on my poor neck. MasterDoc went to use a speculum to open me up. It hurt though, but I should put in an aside for new readers that back in 2005 I was assaulted by someone using a speculum on me in a sexual situation who then didn’t stop when I told them to. I was traumatized. I just can’t get into specula in a sexual situation. I can tolerate them at the gyno office, but last night it was more triggering. MasterDoc knows this part of my history (as does Blondie), so he of course didn’t pursue it when I said it hurt too much. He knows that he has enough experience inserting specula that it wasn’t his technique, it was my history that caused the pain and anxiety.

Writing about that just now felt more triggering than it did last night. MasterDoc handled the situation well and I was able to just move on. Next, came the catheterization. MasterDoc explained what he was doing while he was doing it. It was terribly uncomfortable (to me) to have that thing slide into my urethra. Once in place it was bearable, but I’m just not someone turned on by urethral stimulation (though others are). They drained my bladder into a cup. I can see how this is hot for some people, the control over a basic bodily function like that, but I haven’t as of yet gotten into it.

Over the course of the night it became clear that medical play mostly isn’t my thing, but since they were enjoying it, I was able to submit and let them have their fun. I knew something I’m into would come along sooner or later. Blondie picked up on how the medical play just doesn’t do it for me (for the most part). If I were to choose a role play scenario I’d probably choose something like the king and the serving girl, or the professor and naughty student. Or the slut and the random strangers who take her and ravish her. Or being kidnapped, bound and molested.

The magic wand got brought out at this point, and Blondie used it on my clit while MasterDoc fingered my pussy. They forced tons of orgasms out of me. Orgasms and squirt. Huzzah! See, I knew there would be something for me. We took a break after.

Blondie wanted to feel the fire cupping on her pussy too, so MasterDoc tried his hand at it. After a few failed attempts he got it to suction on to her pussy – pulling her labia out into this beautiful flower shape. We called DeeDee in to take a look, and I tried taking photos. The photos didn’t come out well though since the glass of the cup reflects too much light. Blondie liked how it felt and I used the magic wand vibrating on the cup attached to her pussy. She loved the feeling. After a while she agreed that it was probably best to release her swollen labia, and they remained swollen for the rest of the evening! It was something to behold.

MasterDoc made Blondie come, and I loved cuddling and caressing her upper body, enjoying the intimacy of being part of her orgasm. We got some cuddling in and I realized how much I had missed cuddling her.

Blondie did some rope bondage on me (something MasterDoc isn’t good at) and I loved the rope. She did a simple harness (not quite snug enough since I’m new to it and she didn’t want to have it too tight). MasterDoc grabbed me and kissed me while she worked on the harness. She also showed me how to do an easy tie to create a sort of spreader bar of rope between one’s ankles. It was very short (we don’t exactly have a good stash of rope around here). We tried getting me into position to fuck and unfortunately the ankles needed to be undone. But MasterDoc then fucked me from on top while I still wore the rope harness, and Blondie tortured my nipples during this. I got to come very hard again.

MasterDoc wandered off for a bit. Blondie and I cuddled and chatted. It was getting late and she planned to head home. MasterDoc, ever the gentleman, walked her to the subway.

I was very happy. And very satisfied. I’m feeling wiped out today from all my adventures.

The Key to a Good Evening

Published on March 27, 2011 in bdsm, blow jobs, caning, consensual non-consent, cunt, D/s, DeeDee, exhibitionism, forced orgasm, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex parties, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

DeeDee opted to stay home when we went out Friday night. MasterDoc had made her come so hard in the afternoon (while he was fucking her up the ass and she was using the magic wand) that she developed a terrible sex headache. He later bragged about this to one of the porn stars visiting the swing club.

While we were walking to his car, I realized that I didn’t have a spare key for his new-to-him car. He said that’s right, because right now there’s only one key. He has to get copies made.

Yes folks, this is foreshadowing.

We rode to the swing club in his car. I’m pleased to say it has a much better ride than his old one. It was terribly cold last night because apparently winter decided to turn around and come back to the northeast for a while. I scurried to the club since we parked down the block. Once inside, I stripped down to the mesh/lace/satin camisole I was wearing under my street clothes. I was cold still, so I kept my black cardigan on. Yes, I’m that woman who is dressed semi-sexy at the swing club because she’s cold.

We settled in, those details are pretty mundane. As we scoped out a room to play in, it was kinda odd to walk by a guy standing just inside the room we prefer with his shirt off, dick out and stroking his hard cock. He was reasonably attractive and quite fit but, uh, this struck me as creepy. I don’t know if it would strike anyone else the same way though. We laughed about how we needed to push past this wanking dude to get to the king size bed. MasterDoc ultimately decided we were just simply going to do that.

We got settled on the bed, and I was very much in sub mode. I felt even more shy than usual and avoided all eye contact with others. I scarcely knew how many guys were in the room at any time. MasterDoc had me suck his cock and he got into being quite rough and dominant – more so than he usually is at a swing club. He choked me on it a few times – holding my head down long enough that a bit of panic would set in. I’d pull away when I could, take a deep breath, and then he’d put me right back on his cock. I loved it.

The cock sucking, with occasional choking, went on for a while. My mouth was watering and nose a little sniffly by the time we were done. He had me kneel and face the doorway. I still had my sweater on, and while he did things to me I pretty much buried my face in my arms. It’s strange how I was so much more self-conscious than usual. I mean, I don’t like making eye contact to start with, but I really didn’t want to see or be seen (facially anyway) at all. A bit later I felt concerned that people might think we shouldn’t be naked (cuz we don’t have hot bodies) which is odd since I didn’t worry about this when I we were both about 50 lbs heavier! I ultimately told myself that it didn’t matter since I was having such amazing sex with a man I’m totally hot for. Who cares what other people think? I had a great time.

MasterDoc spanked the shit out of me. He caned me a bit, it sounded like there was at least a small appreciative audience. I was bewildered a little because he’s never quite that rough with me in public. He fingered me for a while, and while initially his fingernail scraped inside a bit uncomfortably, I was able to move past that. When he told me to come, I came. It was hard to keep coming when he’d hit my ass really hard again, but I came for a while.

He turned me around, and fucked me from behind. Tabitha, the porn star we’ve seen at the club before, came in and said hello. As I started getting distracted by the conversation between her and MasterDoc, MasterDoc would start pounding my cunt hard with his cock. Fuck. It was so hot the way he had me there moaning, incoherent, while he casually carried on a flirtatious conversation, trying to line up a fuck for later in the evening.

After Tabitha left, he really went at me and made me come til I squirted all over the bed. When we were finished and I got up, I found that the front hem of my chemise was soaked; totally soaked with my juices. I was happy but so tired. We cuddled a bit – I found that I was thrown off a little by such rough usage in a club. (He called me a bitch at lot. He told me to choke on his cock several times. It was hot but intense.) I felt like I needed to reconnect with the loving Dom after having spent time with the rough, mean one.

After a bit, we were both horny again from touching each other. He was stroking his cock and I was getting antsy for more fucking. We put me on my back and he went at it. He asked a guy to hold my leg and the guy did. An elderly guy reached out to touch the other but MasterDoc told him not to touch since he hadn’t told him he could touch. Trouble was, the bed (which is really an unfolded futon on a frame) started sagging towards my head and I started slipping that way. It was too uncomfortable for my back so I had to speak up. We regrouped, and he fucked me some more from on top.

This time another guy (at least, as far as I know it was a different guy – but I’m not sure) held my other leg but he pissed me off by yanking it too far outward. I told him not to do that as it hurt. Then he shifted to stroking my leg but the guy had the finesse of a spastic child. In the end, there was no way I was going to come with that dude touching me and totally distracting me.

We rested a bit, and he had me masturbate to another orgasm – which was pretty damn hot. But I realized that I was so, so tired. Since the time change I’ve been waking up too early and have been more tired than usual. All the fucking and coming had worn me out too.

We ended up sitting out in the social area, and we watched Tabitha flirt and let guys grope her. They were drawn like bees to flowers. On the sofa across from me sat this positively beautiful young man. Blond, fit, dressed well. I told MasterDoc that if I wasn’t so damn tired I’d want to fuck the guy. I kept looking at him. So perfect. He reminded me a little of Prince William when he was a very young man, before his hair started thinning and he started to look so much like his father. But I suppose this guy was better looking. MasterDoc teased me that he thought the guy might be underage. I figure since ID has to be shown to get in, that I’d be able to argue that even if he *was* underage that it was entirely reasonable that I would expect anyone I meet in there to be of age.

MasterDoc had me get on my knees and suck his cock for a while. It was a hard position to hold my back in, so I didn’t last long, but I think when I got up the cute young guy must have been looking since it appeared he was in the process of looking away.

The hot guy joined the throng around Tabitha for a bit. A nice looking couple sat in his place and MasterDoc and I both ogled the woman. She was hot, kinda nerdy, dressed more conservatively than you’d think someone would dress in a swing club. When her guy went to get them drinks, MasterDoc tried to strike up a conversation with her, but to no avail. I tried making eye contact too, but I think there wasn’t any interest.

I was incredibly tired. It was early still, around 11:30, but I just didn’t think I could do any more activity. MasterDoc agreed we could go home. (But of course he asked me a few times, “You’re sure you’re too tired, right?”) We got dressed, got our stuff out of the locker, and got our coats. But when MasterDoc checked his coat, he couldn’t find his keys. He had been concerned when he didn’t find them in the locker, but we figured they must be in his jacket. Nope.

I had my keys with me, but you have to remember that his was the ring with the only copy of the car key on it. Oy.

He tore the club apart looking. He offered to get me a cab to take me home while he waited for AAA. I decided I wasn’t tired enough to ask him to spend that money. I settled on the sofa in the social area, right near the bar, and lay down for a while. I figured no one would fuck with me there, plus I was fully dressed anyway. I rested the best I could although fatigue and the loud music was starting to give me a headache and even a bit of teeth-grinding. But somehow I stayed patient. I just reminded myself that the situation was what it was and getting upset wouldn’t change it.

MasterDoc came in and found me, and told me the good and bad news. Good news was he found the keys. The bad news was they were locked in his car in the ignition. Well at least he wouldn’t have to pay for locks on his car to be changed. We just had to wait for AAA to send someone to get into the car. MasterDoc wondered aloud if he could go fuck while he waited, and I told him he was certainly welcome to as far as I was concerned (not that he needs my permission!). I had a place to lay down and there was no reason he shouldn’t enjoy himself. He went off but soon came back as there was too long a line around Tabitha. He checked again later but I don’t think he got his extracurricular fuck that night.

AAA called MasterDoc’s cell phone and he went out to the car to meet them. I used the loo one last time and joined him after. They were just getting the car door open when I got there. It was freezing (I am so sick of the months of cold weather we’ve had around here!) but MasterDoc started up the car to warm me up while he settled with the guy who got the door open. Happily, over an hour after we tried to leave, we got on the road and went home.

The Week That Was

Published on March 25, 2011 in anal, bdsm, blow jobs, D/s, edge play, forced orgasm, humiliation play, kink, masturbation, orgasm denial, piss play, sadism, sex, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Monday night: MasterDoc tells me to get in the bedroom so he can fuck me. I quip, “Oh that’s romantic!” But as I walked away, I realized that the lack of romance didn’t bother me one bit. In fact, I thought, MasterDoc being rough with me would probably get me turned on faster and better.

And indeed it did. He had me blow him and spent time forcing his cock down my throat. As I managed to pull away, the saliva dripped from my mouth. For some unknown reason having him control my breathing in that way (for when his cock is deep in my throat I can’t even manage to breathe through my nose) is a total turn on for me. After he finished violating my mouth, he grabbed me by the hair, and made me come without direct stimulation again, adding his thick fingers to my cunt as I came.

He toyed with the idea of pissing on me, and unfortunately this time he told me to get ready for it. I waited in the bathroom with my new knee pads on. As he stroked his cock by my face and I knelt in the tub, he wasn’t sure if he would come or piss. I hoped for the former. I played with a vibe on my clit while I waited to feel something wet on my body and could come. Alas, I could tell it was piss by the warm stream. I can handle being pissed on and can even manage an orgasm with my vibe. The humiliation is felt deeply, but I find it hot.

But then he ordered me to take his piss in my mouth. I did as I was told but this time the taste proved to be worse than the first time he pissed in my mouth. I thought I was going to hurl as he told me to suck on his still piss-wet cock. I hope I got brownie points for submitting even when it was difficult. As soon as he let me stop, I spit into the tub and went for water to rinse my mouth out. Yuck. In case you didn’t get the picture, it was yucky. I told him it was revolting. Before he started, he talked about having me swallow it, but as he didn’t put it as a direct order I didn’t. Like many other submissives, I keep my eye out for loopholes.

I was pretty grossed out. And unfortunately since I have to rinse off after, aftercare fell by the wayside. Later I felt out of sorts and realized it was the missing aftercare. MasterDoc was glad to give it to me.

I was totally drowsy, but when MasterDoc said he’d go fuck DeeDee instead, I found my second wind. I was craving fucking and we hadn’t gotten to that yet. (It had been days for me!) Thankfully, I managed to talk him into plowing me before I conked out.

The next afternoon I got more MasterDoc goodness. I declared that I was craving ass fucking lately. So after I sucked his cock for a bit, he warmed up my ass for the desired fucking. It was a lovely, long ass fucking. Considering my cervix has been sensitive lately having him up my ass was a great idea (no cervix to bump). It felt amazing. I felt like such a slut to love his cock up my ass. I wanted to come so badly. I held back and held back, moaning desperately. Then I remembered that while I can’t ask permission for orgasm when he’s fucking me, I can get pushed over the edge. (My begging tends to interrupt the flow. I have a hard time coming without explicit permission, but it’s nice that it’s an option when I’m really dying for it.) The orgasm came and went rather than being strong and consistent, but I had a fantastic time. I collapsed, exhausted.

He told me to get on top for a ride. My vagina was happy. I loved every second of it. He makes me come – over and over and over. I’m helpless to stop coming while he keeps touching me. The orgasm may subside a little, but he gets it to start up again even when I think I’m too tired to come again.

I’m fantastically lucky.

Feel the Beat

Published on March 19, 2011 in anal, bdsm, blow jobs, caning, cunt, D/s, flogging, forced orgasm, happy, horny, kink, masochism, masturbation, orgasm on command, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

MasterDoc wasn’t sure that he’d have time for me Friday, my day off. But I lucked out and all the horniness and desire for kink that was stoked by #fucktoyfriday on twitter got an outlet. (Fuck Toy Friday is a hashtag created by Saynine. Each Friday kinksters share naughty tweets and photos relating to being or using a sub as a fuck toy.) We didn’t have a long time together, but MasterDoc was in the mood to give an ass whuppin’ and, damn, did he! He used, among other implements, the heaviest cane and the evil strap. He was trying to leave marks but it’s gotten so hard to leave marks on my butt. The next day, there was nothing whatsoever in the way of marks.

But it hurt. He really made me hurt. And I did my best to breathe slowly and go with it. He would intersperse slapping or running a vibrator over my cunt with more hard slaps to my ass. He took the floggers to me and I can’t tell you how long the beating went on for. He’s not usually quite so sadistic (not a physical sadist anyway) but I knew that if I rode the pain out that a yummy endorphin rush would follow. He asked me if I’m a very lucky girl as he smacked my ass. I struggled but replied, “Yes, Sir!” between cane strikes even though I wasn’t feeling so sure I was lucky in the midst of this particular beating. I cried out and cursed more often than I usually do during a beating, but I managed to not pull away from the blows as much as I usually do.

When he took up the small flogger, I had to move my feet as far out of the way as I could. I hate when my feet get smacked as collateral damage during a flogging. I end up in this awkward position – on my knees, feet out as far to the sides as I can manage. After a good, long beating, he inserted my soraya vibrator but it wasn’t working at that angle – I think it pressed too hard into my pubic bone from that position. He removed it when I said it hurt (and not in a good, kinky beating sort of hurt). He put an acrylic dildo in my ass and the end hung out like a tail. It felt great. I haven’t had nearly enough ass play lately. He talked about maybe fucking me up the ass, but in the end he didn’t.

He praised me for starting to play with my cunt as he got a condom and put it on. I figured I could do my part to ensure I was warmed up adequately for fucking, although the beating seemed to do the trick quite well. He tried to fuck me with the toy in ass but it hurt so he removed it. He fucked me but good. He would intersperse caning and slapping my ass with fucking me hard.

The fucking put me into a lovely headspace as I moaned with each thrust. It wasn’t easy to take the extended beating, but I managed it just fine. I was soon moaning, wanting to come. When he gave permission, I had no trouble coming. He kept fucking me through lots and lots of orgasms. At that point I felt like the lucky girl I had declared I was earlier!

After the long beating, followed by the long fucking, I collapsed on the bed, exhausted. A short while later he wanted to fuck again. He asked if I could get on top for a ride, but unfortunately my knees were sore from having knelt so long. I was glad he opted to get on top of me. He drove me crazy, teasing me with just a little of his cock inside me, the head of his thick cock pressing against my g-spot. He made me come again, and squirt a bit, and then come again. He kept using his big cock to plow me. He’d move his hips around to make his cock move around inside. He demonstrated his ability to make me come as long as he wants to.

Damn, writing this is making me horny!

We had some cuddles after. (I had been in a more cuddly mood to start with, but I think the beating was fabulous too.) I was so happy and feeling so lucky. I tried to soak up the feelings since I probably won’t see him next until Monday night. But the lonely mood that had been brewing that day was gone, and I walked home happy.

Back to Normal

Published on March 17, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, consensual non-consent, D/s, emotions, forced orgasm, happy, libido, musings, non-monogamy, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Somehow, I rediscovered my submissive spirit after the rough bit over the weekend. It was a relief to both myself and MasterDoc for things between us to seem normal again. A guy I’m talking to on a dating site has read through this blog a bit, and named a post he liked – and the funny thing is, it’s from October 2009 and I was talking about how hard it is to submit when it’s not how YOU want to submit back then too. The struggle goes on.

I focused on being good while at MasterDoc’s Wednesday night. I tried to be obedient when needed. I tried to be calm when addressing him. I felt joy in being submissive. Some days are like that, I love it. Other days are a huge struggle. I’ve been examining why I get so self-centered and I think my mother’s influence has a lot to do with it. My father is a very giving, generous person. I do have some of that in me, but my mother is self-centered – and took advantage of my father many times. So I think the combination of learning behavior from her, and having to be selfish and focus on myself since she never did, has led to my horribly spoiled, self-centered moments. I was spoiled while growing up. (An only child til my brother surprised us all and came along when I was 11.) But also, my mother was a tad verbally abusive, emotionally distant and unpredictable (so unpredictable!). I find myself to be two seemingly contradictory things at once. I have times when I’m really generous with my friends and am happy to do so. I have other times when I obsess with things evening out. (Usually the closer I am to someone the more I worry about such things. I think it’s the whole “you can be at your worst with those who love you most” thing.)

It reminds me of how sometimes people ask how I can reconcile the kinky slut with the librarian. The thing is, I don’t need to reconcile them. They are both part of the same person. I can be wonderful and I can be a real shit. These things are both true about me. I can be intelligent, professional, slutty, kinky, shy, exhibitionist, etc. all at once. All in one package. The descriptors are many.

But on to the sex! I probably won’t see MasterDoc for several days, so I was eager to get laid. (When am I not?) I realized last night that I truly love sucking his cock. I would be disappointed if I wasn’t allowed to do it. He commented that he should make me beg for it then. I focused on loving having his cock in my mouth and I managed to get him to say, “You suck a mean cock!”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” I said with a grin.

We played with some cock choking and I find at times that I can hold him deep in my throat for a moment and not gag. But eventually I need to breathe and start to gag. I think I’m still surprised that I like the gagging so much. He holds my head down on his cock and I love that he’s “making me” do it at that point. I love when I gasp for air and the saliva flows. Right after the deep breath I go right back to sucking his cock.

We were back in sync last night and MasterDoc had no trouble making me come several ways. He wrenched orgasms out of me until I reached exhaustion. (I honestly thought he might succeed in making me pass out. I kept holding my breath as I came, but then my body would make me gasp when it became too much.) He made me come from just stroking my body and talking to me. He pushed orgasm out of orgasm out of me with his probing fingers in my pussy. If the orgasm started to decline, he did something different to put me right back in the midst of deep orgasm again. He fucked me and made me come. He realized that part of what was upsetting about the weekend is that he had suddenly “lost” the ability to make me come whenever he wants. Saturday night was truly a weird night. I’m happy to say he hadn’t lost his skill.

At some point, we talked about working in (to my cunt) the large Randy dildo again sometime. He warmed me up a bit the one time we played with it but not quite enough for it to feel good. He asked if he started with smaller penetrative toys and worked his way up. I told him I didn’t think so.

“That was dumb,” he blurted out. “Oh, did I say that aloud?” I smiled because his ability to admit his own mistakes is one of the many things I love about him. (I must add, that in retrospect I think he DID use smaller penetrative toys before that big dildo. Just not for long enough.)

A cuddle after sex and many orgasms led to him making me come again from stroking my arms and legs. I am so lucky! Devoid of selfish worries and depressive episodes, I realized how utterly happy he makes me. While sharing him can be difficult, he is so wonderful that having him part time is better than having him no time. I took the time to savor the feeling of him against me. I’ll try to recall it this weekend when I don’t see him. His touch seems to release some sort of fabulous chemicals in my brain.

After sex, I got MasterDoc a snack from the kitchen, and was reminded that I still needed to clean up after dinner. (The dishwasher had been running, and since his is a little counter top one that gets water directly from the faucet, I had to put off any other cleaning til the cycle was done.) While I cleaned up, I thought about service. I realized that on some level, I should think that I’m doing these little annoying tasks so that the man I love, who makes me really happy, doesn’t have to. I think I struggle with such selflessness though because I have constant subconscious worries that I will be taken advantage of, that I won’t get my needs met. Again, this seems to stem from my upbringing and NOT from life with MasterDoc. So I continue to work on finding the joy in submission. It’s there. I just don’t always open myself up to it. While I’m afraid of truly being selfless, I think learning it to a reasonable extent would be very good for me.

Public Play #267

Published on March 9, 2011 in bdsm, blow jobs, cunt, D/s, exhibitionism, humiliation play, kink, masturbation, orgasm on command, piss play, sex, sex parties, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I’m feeling back to normal again – hooray! When the depression finally lifted, I realized that it was as if I could suddenly feel the happiness in my life again. The happiness wasn’t gone last week, I just wasn’t capable of feeling it for a while. It’s a tremendous relief to be able to appreciate my life again. Mental illness can be debilitating in its own way.

Since I was off Tuesday, MasterDoc and I went out to the swing club Monday night. DeeDee was going to join us (and it’s been a long time since the three of us have been out together) but she felt more like staying in. I would have been happy for her to join us, but goodness knows that I love time alone with MasterDoc too.

We did our usual surveying of the scene when we got to the club, and I think we got busy pretty quickly. A couple of guys followed us into the room with the king bed and asked about our case of toys. Apparently at least one of them had heard about MasterDoc. He’s becoming quite a legend at the swing club. MasterDoc took the opportunity to put on a show – he explained the various toys, and ceremoniously put my collar on my neck. He then slowly stroked my face. I closed my eyes, focusing on his touch, my body twitching with pleasure every now and then. He showed off the control he has over me, and I was thrilled to let myself slip into subspace.

MasterDoc had me suck his cock, and he gave a flashlight to one of the guys so he could put me in the spotlight. As I licked and sucked, MasterDoc ordered me around in his best domly voice. “Oh yeah, that’s it. Suck it bitch!” I was glad to be his slut. I like how he gets to show off his control over me in front of other men. In a way, being a submissive lets me be just as slutty and dirty as I want to be, because it appears that I’m not the one deciding what I do. Let me clarify, while MasterDoc determines what and when we do things in a scene, he wouldn’t make me do something I can’t handle or wouldn’t consent to anyway. He certainly pushes my limits and gets me to do some things I don’t initially think I can handle, but my submission is given willingly. If I didn’t want to be a dirty slut sucking his cock in public I wouldn’t be with him and be his sub. Being a sub lets me be dirty under the guise of being “forced” to do it.

I love how vocal he is in public – I get much more feedback and dirty talk when people are around and he wants to emphasize the good job I’m doing. After some serious cocksucking, he had me take my pants off and kneel facing away from everyone. He toyed with my cunt. He spanked my ass. All the while, he was highlighting how I react to his touch. He told the guys that he takes me to the edge of coming, and then holds me there. He demonstrated, explaining that he could make me come at any time. I worried that I wouldn’t come on command. I’ve been struggling lately with my arousal ebbing more than it used to. Holding myself on the edge is not as easy as it was. I find myself not ready to come sometimes when he tells me to.

Luckily, at that moment I could tell when he was going to have me come, and I relaxed and let my body get worked up as he talked up my arousal. I came hard as he fingered me, and after what must have been a good solid 30 seconds of coming, I squirted all over the bed. The guy still had the flashlight, so I’m sure whomever was around could see quite well.

We cuddled and relaxed, arcing our bodies around either side of the puddle I left. It took a while for the guys to get the hint that the show was over – for now. I think MasterDoc intended to get up and walk around, but I stroked his face as we leaned our heads together, and we both got worked up again. I was on my knees, ass in the air, MasterDoc was ready to fuck me when… a guy walked in with a slice of cake. MasterDoc got distracted. He got the guy to get him cake (and a fork when he forgot the first time), and he started eating it while using my ass as a table. I craved some cake myself, plus my knees were starting to bother me. I asked if I could get up and I was allowed. MasterDoc fed me the bits of cake he decided to give me. The guy jokingly commented on “hey, who’s the dom here?” as MasterDoc fed me, but I pointed out that indeed, his feeding me was a dominant act since he controlled the food.

I wanted more cake and so I begged like a puppy, hoping the cuteness would get me some more cake. (I panted, holding my hands up like front paws. I eyed the cake and whined a little.) He had me beg some more, and then let me have a little cake. He was suddenly inspired to put the empty plate on the bed, and have me lick it clean like a dog. It’s funny since there was an audience, but I had no problem doing it.

We later walked in on one of the regular ladies playing with a new toy she just got (the cake was for her birthday). She declared that hooking the small vibe’s tip into her clit hood ring felt so good. A crowd formed to watch her masturbating while two guys stroked her body. MasterDoc had me get out the flashlight. He held it in his mouth so it shone on her pussy while he massaged her thighs. (The other guys were fairly clueless as to how to touch a woman, but MasterDoc said the guy on her other leg followed his lead well.) I didn’t see her coming head-on as my back was bothering me so I sat down on the other end of the bed. But I enjoyed watching MasterDoc work his skills. The lady came and squirted. We left when she started playing with one of the guys who had been touching her.

At one point in the evening, MasterDoc suggested he could piss in my mouth right there in a public area. My eyes got so wide! I was clothed, and I fretted as to “what if I spilled any?” MasterDoc assured me he’d let the urine flow slowly. I was freaked out. He teased me, but ultimately didn’t make me drink his piss there. (I’ve never actually drank it. There was just the one time he pissed in my mouth but he let me have it just flow out. But I know him, he’s working up to it.)

We played some more in the so-called “exhibitionists’ room” (now partially obscured by gauzy drapes). MasterDoc made me come with my Soraya vibe. I took over fucking myself with it so I could press the little “arm” into my clit. MasterDoc seemed to like how I took over fucking myself and coming. There was a crowd watching and again a guy to hold the flashlight. MasterDoc got hard and decided to fuck me. I got on top for a ride. I was feeling tired but I did my best. I focused on him feeling good, plus he gave my ass a few hard spanks that were hard enough to distract me from building my arousal. Sadly, I had a hard time coming when he told me to. Being miles away from orgasm when commanded to do it is such a disappointing experience. But then we started up fucking again soon after, and I did my best to focus and get into it – and I came hard the next time he gave the command.

(The number in the title is totally random, in case you were wondering.)