I’ve been dealing with gastrointestinal issues thanks to a new medication I’m on. I keep telling my intestines that the drug is for my brain (depression) and not them, so cut it out. So far they don’t listen. Immodium has beaten them into some semblance of submission. Mid-week I was feeling the effects of dehydration before I started loading up on the Immodium. It wasn’t severe but fatigue and headache were kicking my ass. I took up drinking sports drinks, which helped a bit. The fatigue unfortunately made my night with Shane less sexy than he had hoped. He had been on a couple of dates recently, and to a kink event, but hadn’t gotten laid, so he texted me on Monday to say he planned to ravish me all night long. It would have been awesome if I felt well, but I left work early that day with a headache and immediately took a nap when I got home.

Shane didn’t lose out entirely. When I had some energy early in the evening I blew him on the couch until he came. I do like making sure my partners are taken care of if I can. But sex didn’t happen as I was just so tired. We watched a few episodes of “Stephen Fry in America” and cuddled on my bed a bit before he left when it was bedtime for me.

Our schedules are so different, it makes dating hard sometimes. He owns a business and usually gets out of work around 11:30 p.m. I’m usually in bed starting to fall asleep around then. He visits me on his day off, but of course I run out of steam before him, and I have to get up early to get to work by 9 a.m. I keep hoping he’ll meet someone else to date and fuck so he doesn’t have to rely on me only. A few times in recent months I’ve not felt well on the one night a week I see him, and while this isn’t bad for me what with MasterDoc in my life, Shane loses out. He’s a sweetie and I feel bad about that, even though he insists it’s not a problem.

Earlier in the week, before I felt the effects of more than a week of GI issues, I had some hot sex with MasterDoc. It started off with a simple blow job, but as he gagged me on his cock he told me to come. I came simply from gagging on his cock. What a perv I am! Our connection is pretty damn amazing.

We moved to me hanging my head over the end of the bed. It was really hot and I’m amazed at how much longer I can keep his cock in my throat now. Hanging my head upside down isn’t conducive to a long scene, but MasterDoc gave me this beautiful orgasm, and he lifted my head up as I came, and turned me onto my side on the bed where I finished coming. It was somehow magical. He controlled my body in so many ways for that brief period of time. I couldn’t help but tell him, “That was awesome, Sir.” I meant it wholeheartedly.

He went off somewhere in the apartment for a bit, and I grabbed my Wahl massager to warm myself up. I kept myself on the edge of coming and when he returned he was glad to see me warming up. He fucked me from above using a female condom for a change. I’m not fond of them, it was irritating my vagina at first. But then I remembered – I was just fantasizing about him hurting me moments before while he was out of the room. I managed to eroticize the discomfort and come hard. He tried to flip me over and fuck me from behind, but the outer part of the condom rubbing against the opening to my vagina was producing a lot of irritation. He said, “Oh well, you’ve come enough already!” I had to agree.

I helped him come by probing his ass with Duke, a prostate toy. It’s wonderful to see him come. He doesn’t come easily and we have to make a special effort to make sure it happens.

The Week that Was originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on January 27, 2012.

There were a couple of other times where, in the midst of our usual amazing sex, he said or did something that didn’t quite affect me in the usual way due to whatever mental state I was in. I think a large part of this is how I’ve reacted to the new medication. I find myself feeling very much NOT an exhibitionist. (Uh, like, hello where did Nadia go?!) I find myself not wanting strange guys to grope me. Things that I used to love I’m not into suddenly. I’m also very inclined to withdraw both physically and emotionally from many things. I am loath to leave the apartment these days. I have done an extraordinary job of the lesbian sheep dance – above and beyond my usual. (I’m still seeing the elegant, sexy, Mexican lady I started seeing late last year. We’ve finally made out – due to her making the first move!! And I’m the one with experience with women. Oy. Words can’t describe how frustrated I am with my fucked up self right now.) While I’m still kinky as anything, I’m much more one-on-one than I used to be. Granted, I think I’ve been moving in that direction for a while, but there’s still a part of me that wants to be an exhibitionist. I can feel it still in there. Just not right now.

I appreciate the fact that I can talk so openly about what’s going on with MasterDoc. He’s quite analytical, so I can discuss my being unsure what’s a true feeling of mine and what’s colored by adjusting to a new drug’s action on me. He’s calm and can take criticism. He wants me to talk to him. If it wasn’t for him asking me a few times, “Is there anything you want to discuss?” I wouldn’t have opened up.

After our talk, we reconnected with sex, and I felt myself wanting more than anything to melt into subspace and have him show his dominance over me. I found myself thinking about the fact that he still hasn’t pissed in my ass (something he’s threatened to do and I’ve dreaded). It wasn’t that him pissing on me was a wonderful thing, it’s that he has the control over me to make me want to do dirty and disgusting things to please him. While not everyone feels this way, I find it exquisite to be under someone’s control like that. Not just anyone’s control, but this man who I’ve served for about four and a half years now, who has proven himself to be someone I can truly look up to, but also someone who’s human. There are times he aggravates me (rest assured I aggravate him often too) and I disagree with him, but I respect that he’s a highly intelligent man capable of introspection. He’s an interesting person because he has a mean streak – and when I’m in subspace that’s a fabulous thing – but also a great desire to take care of those he loves. There’s tenderness, but also sometimes a picky critic.

And then there’s the lover who knows my buttons so well. He can still make me come from just grabbing my hair and saying something dominant to me. *fans self*

There was a moment last night when he told me to put his cock head against the inside of my cheek so he could slap my face and feel it through my cheek. This was after some deep throating, which I’m getting better at doing. I can hold it longer without gagging. Although, I think I would like to have one of those porny blow jobs where I’m on my knees and he’s fucking my face while standing up, the drool running down my chin.

I found myself craving to please him but I also admonished myself not to get upset over not being perfect. That’s an unattainable goal and giving myself angst over it will only cause grief. But I love the moments when I’m in subspace and absolutely worship him. While it sometimes sounds like submissives are in a constant state of worshipping their dominants I think that a healthy relationship also requires being able to see your dominant as a human with foibles. Dominants can’t be perfect any more than submissives can.

The main attraction of last night was him restraining my wrists to his bed frame and then fucking the living daylights out of me. I have long been a fan of some restraint during sex. It makes me feel that more vulnerable to him, which sets me off even more. I think my brain was scrambled by the end, but happily so.

I’ve been working on being more vocal – not in the way of sounds (I am quite a moaner and screamer) but in the way of saying hot things. Begging for his cock. Telling him I crave his cock up my ass in that moment.

Reconnecting originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on January 17, 2012.

Friday night we had something we so rarely have – bad sex. Perhaps bad isn’t the right term for it, but for whatever reason I couldn’t get into it. He was in a rough mood and wanted to cane me, but, quite unusually, I wasn’t in a rough mood. (When this discrepancy in mood occurs it’s usually the other way around.) We played, but I had a hard time getting wet and wasn’t anywhere near coming while he fucked me. It’s such a strange experience the few times this sort of thing has occurred. MasterDoc told me not to worry about it, and for once I managed pretty well to not worry. After all, if someone else was asking my advice on the same topic, I’d tell them not to worry as sometimes things just don’t click sexually. It doesn’t mean anything ominous. We all have “off” nights. Considering how much fantastic sex we have the few times it’s not fantastic are barely remarkable.

I had a girl date the next day with a woman who contacted me on a dating site. She’s poly, identifies as bi but hasn’t done much (if any) dating women yet. We met at a small restaurant in Manhattan (that describes pretty much every restaurant in Manhattan) and had gluhwein – mulled, spiced wine. It was so yummy. I’ve looked up recipes but my lazy ass hasn’t gotten the ingredients together yet. The restaurant was quirky and the food was mostly French or German. I wasn’t sure how the date was going until she brought up my allergy to cats and she mentioned unfortunately she and her husband have two. She said she’d like me to be able to come over to her place sometime though. I grinned broadly. I told her that my level of allergic reaction does vary from cat to cat, and some cause only minimal distress. It wouldn’t hurt to try. The goodbye was my usual hug and air smooch by her cheek. I nearly worked up the chutzpah to kiss her properly just before we parted ways, but it ended up a slightly awkward moment, as I think a moment too late she realized I was trying to go in for an extra goodbye.

I think I need a theme song that will play here on any post where I do the lesbian sheep dance (see paragraph 8 on at the link). Any ideas? I like to think of Joan Jett’s “AC/DC” as my general theme song.

I enjoyed Saturday night with MasterDoc. I’m happy to report the sex was totally different than the night before. We tried the neon wand again, since it seemed pretty weak the first time. I say it’s no substitute for a violet wand really, but it can hurt, so as a toy in its own right I liked it. Not to mention it’s far cheaper than a violet wand. (This makes me think of MasterDoc’s pointing out that there’s a “Dom arms race” on – it seems like dominant men keep acquiring more and more impressive, expensive toys to try to outdo the others. His big purchase was the sybian.

I wore my wrist cuffs which we’ve been doing more of lately. I was over the moon when he decided to cuff my hands above my head, attached to the bed frame. This sort of thing turns me on so much! I have been trying to get him to do things like this for a while. (Maybe next will be a little physical struggle or pushing me up against a wall?) His bed is a large silver frame that looks like so many pipes joined together. It’s ideal for bondage. I’ve tried to get MasterDoc to try this for a long time, but he’s usually not fond of bondage because he wants me to be able to do all sorts of things to him.

We worked around it though. He tormented me with the neon wand for a while, threatening to put it inside my cunt. This panicked me slightly – it was a great mind fuck. I begged him, “Please, please Sir, don’t do that! Please!” I’m sure my wiggling and begging were a delight to him. He pointed out that it’s when the wand is slightly away from flesh that it sparks, and being in constant contact like it would be inside me it probably wouldn’t hurt at all.

He surveyed my position and wondered aloud if he could hold himself in position over my head long enough to get his ass licked. He decided he wouldn’t be able to hold it long enough to make it worthwhile. I’m glad he moved on to a plan b and came over to stick his cock in my mouth.  He also lifted up his balls so I could lick them, and he seemed to enjoy even just resting his balls on my face while he stroked his cock.

He fucked me, and it was so hot to know I couldn’t get away. I realized that’s sorta silly since I wouldn’t try to get away anyway! But the helplessness is hot. He fucked me and it was like extra stimulation to have my wrists bound. I came like crazy. Since my arms weren’t free I couldn’t use them to  hold my legs up. I worked muscles I don’t usually to keep them up. He made me come repeatedly and I held my legs up without support for much longer than I thought I would be able to do. I had a goofy grin on my face after.

Bad Sex, A Date, Neon Wand, and Bondage originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on December 4, 2011.

I had a good week. Shane came over for our Wednesday night together. DeeDee and MasterDoc were both out of the house for the night. It’s awesome how I can do so many of my favorite things – hanging out at home, ordering food rather than cooking, having hot sex, cuddling, watching something funny on Netflix – when I hang out with him. I need to get my ass over to the store he owns, however, as he’d really like me to see it and I’ve been slow to plan a time to get there. Life is busy! I was going to go today until I realized this is one of the Sundays that I work. Ugh. I need to figure out another day.

Shane is very talented with his fingers. He can easily make me come by stroking my clit, which he did that evening. But I should backtrack, since the early part of the evening consisted of me giving him head on the sofa in the living room. It’s not easy to make him come (MasterDoc is the same way) and of course I enjoy making my partners feel good, so I threw myself into the blow job with gusto. I thought his arousal was building towards orgasm, so I kept going, choking myself on his cock in the process (which you pervs all know I enjoy). It was a sloppy, wet blow job, but my gagging worried him so he told me to stop. He’s into the whole women choking on his cock thing himself, but he realized that I was gagging like crazy and he wasn’t even moving – I was doing it to myself.

You can’t say I’m not enthusiastic.

He checked in on me and I was fine. Drool ran down the sides of my mouth, but that was inconsequential when I thought I could get him to come. I mean, it was pretty hot even. We resumed after he was confident I wasn’t going to choke myself to death. Like the good, consent-seeking man he is, he told me he wanted to come in my mouth to make sure that if I had objections I had a chance to voice them before he did so. I let very few men come in my mouth. I worry that having semen in my mouth would be much riskier than just giving a blow job when it comes to sexually transmitted infections. But I trust Shane to take care of his sexual health, and that of his partners. As a finishing touch, before I washed his come down with some soda, I wiped up the last remaining drop on his cock with my fingertip and licked it off.

We watched some more tv, but I was feeling horny and suggested we head to the bedroom. This was when he made me come with his fingers, and we fucked. I’m pretty sure I got on top, but since this is a few days later the memory is sorta fuzzy.

I feel like this post should be titled, “Lame-ass sex blogger has sex but barely writes about it.” (Apologies to anyone offended by my use of the word lame to describe something weak or dumb. I realize it’s ableist language.)

He slept over, and a few times I think he talked in his sleep. Since I sleep with earplugs in, I couldn’t make out a word of it. His sleep schedule is so different than mine that it’s notable that he got up and out of the house early for me (you need a key to lock the door behind you, and no one was home to lock up after him). I made him coffee to help with the painful act of waking around 8 am. (I woke earlier so I could get ready for work.) He didn’t get up until shortly before I needed to leave, so I loaned him my travel mug. Can’t have the boy falling asleep on his drive home.

Wednesdays with Shane originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on December 4, 2011.

Now I won’t name names because I don’t want to be bitchy towards the person who presented or the people who arranged it. But despite good info and good demonstrations (the demo model was just adorable and they had great chemistry) the presentation was amazingly tedious. I didn’t know anyone could possibly make bdsm THAT boring. I wanted to hit my head against the wall. I pictured the episode of The Young Ones (called “Boring”) where Rik breaks down sobbing because Neil the hippie is taking a long time to explain something and it’s horribly boring. I felt like Rik.

The hour or so of lecture was mostly painful, but even after we didn’t opt to stay at the club. We rarely go to this club because although they have lots of bdsm equipment, there’s no sex allowed. (NYC law. No alcohol either.) MasterDoc and I both like our bdsm with sex ultimately.

We went to the usual swing club. It was fairly busy when we got there, and became even busier later. MasterDoc nearly got distracted by the ladies around us but then remembered that the best way to handle me is to make me come first. After that I’m pretty mellow for the rest of the evening. We commandeered the large bed and MasterDoc went down on me. I strangely had a strong negative reaction to this. I’m not big on oral these days. I preferred it to sex when I was much younger, but now I’d rather have the sex. And since we were in public, I was in my collar and people were watching, it made me uncomfortable to have MasterDoc going something that seems like servicing me. While he and I are both of the opinion that if a Dom wants to eat pussy, then (s)he should do as (s)he damn well wishes. The act itself isn’t necessarily submissive. But I know that other people might see it differently, and I felt uncomfortable having my Dom seem less domly in public. I couldn’t come even though I tried to close my eyes and focus on the sensations of his tongue.

We took a break, and MasterDoc said that it’s ok, we weren’t on a schedule. I explained to him my reaction, and I don’t think he expected that to be the issue at all. He had me suck his cock, and I was better able to get into subspace and enjoy myself then. He got into Dom mode and started making me gag on his cock. I loved it. Saliva was running out of my mouth. He slapped his cock against my face and then shoved me down on it again. I love this sort of play lately. One time he gagged me enough that I was feeling kinda floaty by the time I got air in. I like when it gets that way. My jaw became a bit sore, but I wanted to make him feel good and to perform well in front of the people around us.

Our friend Veronica came in and started playing with a couple of guys. She’s cute so it’s quite nice to see her naked and fooling around. MasterDoc flipped me over at one point, and made me come by slapping my ass and cunt. It felt good to come. My eyes clenched shut and the world around me receded. I did wonder to myself if my orgasm faces were making any of the men around me hot. As I think I’ve said before, while I love knowing there’s an audience, I mostly prefer not to look at them.

I sucked MasterDoc’s cock hard again. (Complete with more choking. I think both of us like it when he’s all rough and dominant with me with an audience. While heading out for the evening, I got hot thinking about being his dirty slut.) He fucked me from behind, and goddamn did I come! He surprised me with lots of intense pounding. For a moment I thought the pain of my pummeled cervix would be too much, but then I came some more and forgot about it. It actually might have added to the experience. I could feel my tender cervix for hours after.

The club was unusually busy, and the owner pressed MasterDoc and I into service with hanging up coats and giving tours. I grinned as MasterDoc got to lead around a pack of attractive women. He had turned on the charm and it was cute to watch. Despite my feeling shy, MasterDoc made me help out and give a tour. It went okay as the couple was nice. The woman was quite heavy, and yet I thought she was kinda sexy. Of course, I think more than a few people thought we worked there by the end of the evening.

MasterDoc sat among the lovely ladies he gave the tour to earlier. A couple of people asked what’s in our large toybag. MasterDoc showed them. One of the ladies commented on how he has a pretty woman (me) and that he’s lucky. I grinned as this triggered his, “She’s the lucky one” story.

MasterDoc rightly points out that how he gets attractive women is by honestly believing that the woman is the lucky one to be with HIM. With some men this would be delusional, but with MasterDoc it’s true – I’m lucky to be with him. (He will admit he’s a lucky man to have me and DeeDee.) He may look unassuming, but he is quite extraordinary. And he knows it. (He also knows he’s not perfect.)

The club was so unusually crowded that we didn’t end up playing any more. As we drove home, we passed a large, hipster bowling place and I thought to myself – I’d had a MUCH better night than going bowling could possibly be. This made me smile.

Even though my collar was off, I addressed MasterDoc as Sir at one point. I’m not required to call him Sir unless he issues a direct order OR my collar is on. But I think it’s good when it slips out on its own. While I’m glad MasterDoc is not heavy on protocol, I wonder if sometimes it would be better for me to have to be a bit more respectful. On the other hand, until he got to know me and how I love to tease those I love, it was a bit difficult to get away with teasing.

We Actually Went Out originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on October 10, 2011.

“Now get on your hands and knees and take it bitch.” I wasn’t sure if the wetness from my earlier orgasm would be enough. He made me beg for his cock. I wiggled my ass trying to reach it. He slid it in slowly, which was good since most of my body’s lubrication was on the outside. But as I got into the fucking my pussy got itself wet, and soon I was panting, hoping for permission to come. He seemed to push me a bit, which I loved, and I couldn’t quite get to orgasm without his permission. When he told me to come, I came hard though. He kept fucking me, forcing orgasms out of my body. By the time he was done with me, I was exhausted.

This limit pushing evening was exactly what I needed. I like being submissive, and I need to be ordered around and roughed up now and then by the man I love. I love MasterDoc’s nice side too, but I need regular doses of the big, bad Dominant side. And I mean sexually – I get enough Doming from him being told what to do for chores. No risk of that not being enough. Speaking of which, I need to put his laundry away.

Pushing Limits, Part II originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on September 26, 2011.

This is partially (but only partially!) down to perception. I have had some stellar time alone with MasterDoc this week. But I find when I truly have downtime, that I just want to do mindless stuff like watch a show, or play The Sims. Writing seems beyond my energy level.

But before I head off to work today, I vowed to try to get at least one blog entry written. So here we go.

Yesterday, I was really craving kink. It was funny because MasterDoc was in a totally cuddly mood. I think other than caning and such, he doesn’t necessarily push my limits as often lately. He managed to get himself into the mood talking dirty to me. And I got to experience some kink that really did push my limits.

He started talking about humiliating things he could do to me. And just the idea of most of it pushed my limits. I hoped that some of these ideas would only amount to talking, but it seems he wanted to give me what I wanted – kink.

He took me into the bathroom to piss on me. I find that piss play is something I truly hate doing, but I kinda like him being dominant and making me do it. I hesitated on taking my vibe along, because I wasn’t feeling horny at the idea of his piss. He pointed out that it was up to me, but why not get an orgasm out of it? I relented and grabbed it on the way out the bedroom door.

He had me kneel in the tub. He grabbed the closest breast and started slapping his cock against it. “See, if I slap it hard enough it keeps my cock from getting aroused.” A frequent (male) piss Dom problem is getting aroused by the idea and then being unable to pee thanks to the hard on. (I always hope for a hard on.)

“Get that other tit over here.” He said and I turned towards him. He continued to play with my tits, call me his piss whore and tell me I could come when I felt his piss. I ran the vibe over my clit, not sure if I could get aroused enough to come. But then the whole thing is arousing despite being totally repulsive at the same time. I suppose it’s a part of submission/masochism that is difficult to understand. “I don’t want to do that thing, but I want you to make me, because your making me is hot.”

So he pissed on my tits, and I came. I buried my face in his tummy as best I could. I feel embarrassed to be coming at that point. It always feels like he has the bottomless bladder. When he pees on me, it feels like it goes on for several minutes. Towards the end, I couldn’t come anymore so I turned my head towards the wall in humiliation, because now I was just experiencing him peeing on me without the distraction of an orgasm.

He was in a merry mood after, and went to wash his hands. I couldn’t wait to get the piss soaked vibrator put down and the tub water running to clean myself off. I learned the hard way one time that you need to do more than rinse, you need to use soap and scrub slightly. And you need to remember that your hands have been pissed all over. One time, I rinsed my body well but forgot my hands and had to smell his pee all evening. Yuck. This time, I scrubbed and rinsed carefully.

I think one of the downsides to piss play is that the aftercare happens after a lapse. I’m left alone to rinse off, and getting wet inevitably means I feel a chill after. (Especially when I walk in the bedroom and he has turned up the air conditioning.) I think I’m still processing the experience whereas he’s been distracted by other things while waiting for me. I need a warm blanket and some adoring cuddles after piss play. While he can humiliate me as my Dom, I need reassurance after that he loves me even if I’m his filthy piss slut.

After a little recovery under a sheet to keep warm, he moved on to phase two. I had so hoped he wasn’t serious about phase two.

He gave me the kneepads. He told me to put them on and get the leash. Lately he not only has me wear my collar, but also wrist cuffs during play. I like it, but I find it much easier to be little miss subby when it’s just him around. (Or I can usually deal with him making me crawl into DeeDee to say hello.) The catch of this bit of impending puppy play? DeeDee and her other serious boyfriend were in the living room watching tv. MasterDoc instructed me to crawl into the living room, bounce around like a playful puppy, bark and pant. My brain could NOT get my head around doing something so embarrassing in front of DeeDee’s other boyfriend.

Now, you need to know that her other boyfriend is kinky too, so none of this would make either DeeDee or her boyfriend freak out. I was the only one freaking out. I crawled as far as the curtain that hangs over the entrance of the living room to keep air conditioning in. I could not make myself go any farther. I stayed hidden behind the curtain. I told MasterDoc it would be easier if he went with me, but he wanted me to go alone. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

In doggy fashion, I turned to him and whimpered and whined like any dog would when faced with something they really didn’t want to do. This didn’t produce pity unfortunately. He got the riding crop and smacked my ass until I crawled in. I hung my head down nearly the entire time. I could get through the embarrassment if I didn’t have to look at the people in the living room. He told me to lift my head and pant, and I simultaneously closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see. Ultimately, the embarrassment happened. But MasterDoc said I got a C- for that performance and he was a little annoyed with his misbehaving little bitch. Meanwhile DeeDee and her gentleman said, “Awww.” when the puppy came in. They thought it was cute.

He led me by leash back to the bedroom. I crawled until I was in the room. It’s funny, but I can’t recall the less stressful bits right now. I know I asked for aftercare. He hadn’t thought that scene would need aftercare, but I pointed out that it was a very intense scene for me. I got some cuddles.

End of Part I

Pushing Limits, Part I originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on September 25, 2011.

MasterDoc spent some time planning the night’s activities, something that’s not one of his Domly strengths. He looked through my wishing box for ideas (I haven’t looked through it and updated it in a while though). He went off to the bedroom while I played a game on my phone in the living room. I was wearing a new chemise I bought from Frederick’s of Hollywood (I’ve always preferred them to Victoria’s Secret. I have always been able to find stuff that FITS ME at Frederick’s.) When MasterDoc came out, he pulled one of my breasts from the bra top and applied the suction cup to my nipple. The small one fell off, so he used a larger one, and that painfully adhered to my nipple. I had to breathe through the pain, but after a while it did subside enough that I could deal with it, although the pain never completely went away. He put cuffs on my wrists (he’s grown fond of the look recently) and gave me my collar to put on.

He left me there, and a little later came back out to take the suction cup off and put a clothespin on that same nipple. He followed that with a clothespin on the other nipple. He commented on how hot it looked for my breasts to be both out and over the bra cups and have a clothespin clasped on to each nipple. I moved gingerly so I wouldn’t disturb the clothespins. He left them on for longer than usual, but the nipple play got me hot. His next move was to have me kneel on the sofa so he could insert my Njoy butt plug. I had to sit plugged and clipped while MasterDoc watched part of the republican debate. (He’s a Ron Paul fan.) I felt like this was some serious edgeplay, having to watch the republicans bullshit their way through a debate. (Hey, the democrats bullshit too. I’m sick of politicians. But the democrats don’t scare me as much as Michele Bachmann or Rick Perry, for example.) MasterDoc removed the clothespins sometime during this period, but I felt like I still had them attached to me for quite some time afterward. The pain of the blood rushing in upon removal was intense. He had me wiggle every now and then to make sure I felt the plug.

Thankfully, after Ron Paul spoke a bit, we moved into the bedroom. I sucked his cock until it was hard. I loved when he grabbed me by the hair to pull my head up to his. He made me come by slapping my face repeatedly and telling me to come. My jaw still felt a little sore as I took notes for this entry later that evening. This was followed with more cock sucking.

It was time to fuck. He wanted to do it with the butt plug still in me, but I asked to take butt plug out because I thought having something that rigid in my ass as he penetrated my pussy would hurt. As he would say, he’s “such a softie” (yeah, uh huh). He took the time to spank my ass hard as he removed the butt plug. I got on hands and knees and he fucked me silly. Sometimes I rocked forward and back to help along his thrusting. I kept coming over and over – lost mostly in subspace reverie. When I stop breathing enough, my body backs off on the orgasms a little until I’ve gotten some air in. But the continued stimulation pushes me back into orgasm in seconds flat. He interspersed hard spanks with the thrusting of his cock. When he eventually pulled out, he slapped my pussy as I squirted all over my throe. I collapsed exhausted afterward, having come countless times.

I had been in need of him abusing me a bit. I think perhaps with all the stress I’ve been under he hasn’t pushed my limits in a while. It was great to get back to that last night.

Delightfully NastyDoc originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on September 8, 2011.

There have also been times of fantastic sex. But when I have time to write up a blog entry, well, The Sims call to me.

Last night we had sex, and his grabbing my hair and asking, “Now what am I going to do with you, young lady?” made me shudder in anticipation. He can get my entire body involuntarily  twitching from just simple touches. I tried to relax my muscles, but the convulsing still went on whether I wanted it to or not. It’s like my whole body becomes a stand-in for my vagina. He had already gotten me to put my collar on, and as something different, he put wrist cuffs on me as well. He said he likes the rattling sound when I move and the metal on the cuffs makes noise.

The other night, the phrase that got me was, “I’m excited you’re moving in. Now I can have this pussy whenever I want it.” It’s funny how, despite an independent streak, I really love the idea of him owning me. I don’t want to be treated like a possession all the time, but when we’re in bed knowing that he can do whatever he chooses to me is exciting. While I’m a strong feminist with a successful career, it gets me hot to feel like he has such control over me.

Last night he brought out the needles. Thankfully he used them on my butt and not my inner thighs like he’s threatened. But the pain was still difficult to bear as each needle was inserted. I whimpered like crazy. He had me blindfolded but I could tell when he might be preparing to put in another needle when he grabbed a bit of flesh. I think he put in three needles, and while it hurt it would only really hurt for the duration of the needles being inserted. After, I’d breathe deeply trying to slow my breath and relax my body.

He brought out the Hitachi magic wand and pressed it to my cunt. “If you don’t want any more needles, you’ll come when I count to three.” Jeez, I was going to make sure I came! The needle play was intense. He counted slowly, “One…Two…Two and a half…Two and three quarters…” Argh! Evil man. I did manage to come when he finally, finally, said three.

After a period of time, he took the wand away and told me I could either play with myself or fall forward if I wanted to. (I was on my hands and knees.) I chose the latter. We cuddled for a bit and I played with his chest hair.

As I often do, I’ve neglected to mention that we started off with me sucking his cock, and then using my skilled hands on his inner thighs to make him feel good. I really enjoy making him feel good. Touching him feels good to me too.

As we cuddled, he said he wasn’t sure if he should just come and call it a night or if he should fuck me. I politely indicated that I really would like his cock inside of me. I think it had been a week. We fooled around on Sunday night, but there was no PIV (penis-in-vagina). He said that fine, he’d give me some sex. I continued to stroke his chest hair, and then on a whim I leaned in and started kissing and licking his chest. This had a great effect.

He fucked me  from on top, and try as I might not to come without permission, he forced an orgasm out of me. Then he proceeded to keep me coming for an extended period of time. I’d start thinking that maybe I’d need to ask him to stop as my body was tired, but then he’d send me into the throes of orgasm again and I’d forget all about any fatigue. I was really amazed at how long he went on fucking me, and how I was unable to stop the orgasms from coming. I was exhausted by the end, but of course very, very happy.

His originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on August 24, 2011.

This sudden question from MasterDoc caused me and DeeDee to look up at him with surprise. He hadn’t indicated the slightest interest in sex earlier in the evening. When I recovered my wits from the surprise, I meekly raised my hand. DeeDee was watching a show and was interested in finishing it. I hadn’t had sex with him since Tuesday, and this was Sunday, so I was already feeling like I needed a little MasterDoc-iliciousness. The sex with the new guy on Friday was satisfying, but the connection I have with MasterDoc is unique and I like to experience it regularly.

MasterDoc started the evening talking about piercing me – on my inner thighs. Eek. I was really scared because I imagine this to be even more sensitive in a way than the outer labia was that one time he pierced it. I was working the Siri on my clit as it was getting late, and I needed to get to bed, so I had to have a part in getting myself warmed up. I had a hard time getting aroused because the needles scared me. Me, the person who pushed for needle play in the first place. Somehow lately that kind of pain strikes me as too much to bear. Other submissives and masochists out there will probably know what I mean by “kind of pain.” Different implements cause different sensations. A needle is different than a cane strike which is different than hot wax.

The talk of piercing was merely a mind-fuck (for the time being). He put me on hands and knees and fucked me, which, he said, would ensure I’d stop complaining that I hadn’t had his cock since Tuesday. The scene climaxed with me coming over and over again, as per usual. I wish everyone could describe their incredible, mind-scrambling orgasms in such a blase way.

Two nights later, DeeDee had plans, so it was just MasterDoc and me at home. I lay on the bed, face up, relaxing while waiting for him to decide what we’re going to do. He gets the medium cane (The only one he could find. Thankfully the only one he could find wasn’t the thickest one.) and starts caning my thighs. I “ooh!” and “ouch!” He orders me to spread my legs. He starts working on caning my inner thighs. Red cane stripes appear – but only on one thigh. He decides he must make the other one match. Interestingly enough, the second thigh is the one that bruised slightly the next day.

He has me roll over eventually, laying flat on my tummy. He canes my butt and I work to slow my breathing when it hurts a lot. I was in the mind space where I worried I couldn’t handle the pain, but then ultimately it turned me on. It’s not just the physical pain causing a biological reaction, but also the idea that I’m his. He can use me like this if he chooses. I have handed myself over to him in such a way that I trust him even to make me hurt. If he gets pleasure from it, I do too.

It’s interesting to have a dynamic with someone where you both love each other very much, and endeavor to take care of each other in your own ways, but that same person who loves you can make you hurt and leave bruises. I can see how a non-kinkster might have trouble understanding that. But when we’re in a scene, he takes me on a journey. I always come back safe from that journey, inevitably wiped out from lots of yummy orgasms after the pain. Four years with him, and I still find sex with him to be ultra-exciting.

Satisfied with beating me, he tells me to get over there and suck his cock. Pleasuring his cock with my mouth was delectable.I use various techniques he’s taught me over time. Most recently he’s asked for more suction, whereas before he didn’t want it because the head of his cock is so sensitive. He still doesn’t want the head sucked on hard, but I work my lips along the shaft, squeezing. I lick. I slap the head against my outstretched tongue. I work the base with my hand while orally taking care of the rest.

He gets a condom and puts it on, taking time to slap my cunt a little. He flicks my clit with his fingers. (I hate when he does that. I hate when he does it to my nipples too.) He works some lube into my pussy. He slowly slides the head of his cock inside of me. His cock is thick, so when I’m not especially warmed up I appreciate it when he goes slow. Just that bit of cock feels great, however, and soon he’s sliding the full length into me. As he does this, he props himself up on one hand and uses the other to slap my face. Oh yes. That was hot. Cock sliding in simultaneously as face getting struck.

He fucks me silly, I feel on the verge of orgasm, sure that I won’t be able to hold back until he gives permission. I whimper and moan, a clear sign that I’m dying for orgasm. I do manage to hold out until he tells me to come. When I come, he slaps my face some more, making me come harder, and pounds my pussy intermittently to really make me scream. I find myself orgasming for what feels like an insanely long time. I thought to myself that surely, I’d run out of steam and not keep coming after a while, but this took a very long time to occur.

Aftercare consisted of pillow talk and my massaging “the spot” on his chest. I think I cracked some silly jokes and we laughed a little. He touched me a bit and stopped when he worried that he was turning me on. But post-orgasm lately, I can get aroused and immerse myself in the feel of his touch without needing to go on to orgasm. It’s extremely pleasurable being touched by him. No one else feels like him. No one else knows my body as well as he does.

Just “regular” sex at home originally appeared on Diary of a Kinky Librarian on August 17, 2011.