Archive for the 'blogs' Category

Page 2 of 5

Beautiful Bloggers

Aww! Kaya over at Under His Hand put me on her list of “beautiful bloggers.” Just when you think you’re totally not on the radar of someone you read, they go and surprise you like this. Granted, this is a meme more than an actual “award” but I will gratefully take recognition and link love from any other respected blogger.
Apparently the original shtick of the award is to name 3 bloggers for the award, and then list 7 things about yourself that your readers don’t know. Hmm. Kaya did things her way and I can’t help but think I’m going to do that too.

Some beautiful bloggers you should know about (more in my sidebar as well!):

Bad Bad Girl

Butchtastic Kyle

Coy Pink

Dangerous Lilly

Scarlet Lotus

The Pink Poppet

Wilhelmina Wang

So there’s 7 bloggers…. How about 3 things you don’t know about me?

1. I didn’t come out to myself as bi until I was around 27 or so. Oh sure I had fantasized about women, had crushes on women and masturbated to pictures of sexy women, but never had I truly admitted to myself my bisexuality until then.

2. My coming out to myself occurred the first time I took ecstasy. Haven’t taken it in many years now so I suppose no new revelations will come from that influence.

3. I lost my virginity on my 18th birthday with my first boyfriend who I had been seeing for six months at that point. Never again would I date someone anywhere near that long before fucking them.

The Lesbian Sheep Dance

So as I’ve quite openly mentioned on my twitter feed, I just visited Seattle for a few days. I’d never been to the Pacific Northwest before. I always had the impression I’d like it and I really enjoyed my short time there. Seattle is clean, the people are polite and it’s just generally a nice place to be. The weather was changeable and I’ve said it reminds me of weather in England. However, I’m told that the weather the past few days has been more changeable than usual.

I consumed a lot of coffee because it seems like the thing to do out there and it helped me deal with jet lag. I’m going to have a hard time getting back on New York time tonight. I stayed with my friend Liz, who used to be MasterDoc’s roomate. It’s been great seeing her again, and she also has a positively adorable, sweet dog. Seriously, I think I’d like to  come out just to visit the dog. She and her husband were great hosts and I’m thankful to have them to stay with – not only for the companionship and visiting but also because I saved a shit ton of money not staying in a hotel.

I got to meet fellow blogger Coy Pink, who was a big part of my decision to visit Seattle. We’ve been friendly online for a while and she just seemed so nice (and hot – have you seen her pictures?) She also offered that her husband Alec, a photographer, could take pictures of me – sexy pics for the blog that also have the advantage of being photographed by someone who really knows the art of photography – not just me and my friends and a point and shoot camera which is my usual.

On Thursday Coy Pink and her daughters showed me around the city a bit. Her daughters are adorable and very bright. That night she and I had dinner together, and we could finally talk about grown up, sex blogger things. I spent Friday exploring the city alone, and in the afternoon I met up with Twisted Monk briefly for coffee and to see his rope factory. (It’s small, smaller than you would envision for a company that’s noted in the kink community.) While I had met him before, we hadn’t really had time to chat and get to know each other. It was a pleasure to hang out with him. He talked a little about how he lost a lot of his life (family, etc.) when outed as kinky, and he didn’t intend to become a bondage rope manufacturer. That said, he seems fairly happy with what he does. But I always hate hearing these cautionary tales of kinksters who had their lives wrecked when the wrong people found out about their personal life. Where’s the vaunted American ideal of “freedom”? If someone wants to be a crazy creationist christian fundamentalist, I don’t think they should be harassed for their beliefs (as long as they don’t try to impose them on others) – so why the hell can’t non-kinky people just accept that some of us are kinky? American puritanism drives me bonkers.

Friday night I drove out to see Coy Pink in her suburban home. I had dinner with her family and made friends with her older daughter. Since my life is so different, not having kids, a house  or a husband of my own, I felt a bit of envy at her domestic happiness and stability. I think we all want what we don’t have. I’m fairly happy with my life but you sometimes ask yourself, “What if I had done things differently?” Although when I ask myself that, I remind myself that there’s been no boyfriend in the past who I wanted to settle down and have kids with. Not really. I thought I did with the first boyfriend but I’m lucky to have gotten out of that relationship before marriage could happen.

Once the girls were in bed, we went downstairs to Alec’s (Coy Pink’s husband) photo studio. I can’t wait to see the pictures, Coy Pink has a couple of her and I up on her blog. There were photos taken including my face, for my own personal use/enjoyment, and faceless shots that I hope to use here. It’s funny how I felt like I should be modest somehow in front of them, but then I realized this was some sort of strange false modesty and I should just enjoy taking half naked photos.

Now, did I mention before that I think Coy Pink is hot? Yes, she is. And as usual I’m an idiot who did the lesbian sheep dance, which I always manage to do. I suppose I should tell you all what the lesbian sheep dance is….

There’s been a lot of research into homosexual sheep, because there’s many male homosexual sheep and it’s an issue for sheep breeders. They can’t get the gay sheep to mate with the women sheep of course. Now in the process of this research they noticed they didn’t come across any lesbian sheep. Do they not exist?

Eventually the researchers realized something – when female sheep want to signal readiness and interest in sex, they stand very, very still. And if you have two female sheep interested in sex with each other? They will both stand very, very still. And of course then nothing happens. This is what happens with me (and other women) when dating women. We both hope the other will make the first move, and ultimately nothing happens because we both stand around waiting for the other one to make the first move.

My friend V. created the phrase “lesbian sheep dance” to describe this state of excessive passivity (and YES, I know that this issue is NOT unique to lesbians)  and I am the self-declared queen of it. Coy is awfully cute and sexy, making out with her (or more) would have been fantastic. But I felt awkward trying to be flirty with her husband around, and of course doubted that she had any interest in me in that way. I tweeted about being the queen of the lesbian sheep dance after I had told her they story of the term that night. She replied, “Well, if you’re the queen of the dance, I’m the princess. ;-) ” Oh my. I was determined to hit on her Saturday night (my final night in town) but we were all out in a group – myself, Coy, her husband Alec, Butchtastic Kyle, Roxy, Scarlet Lotus and Onyx. I had met Kyle and Roxy briefly at the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar party in November, but hadn’t met Scarlet and Onyx. I have to say I like them even more in person than online. We ate, drank and made merry – including a trip to a sex store afterward. We ate next door to the Seattle Babeland, but they were closed by the time we finished with dinner. Down the street there was another store though and we all went and browsed. Onyx found some wonderful t-shirts that say things like, “I like to get drunk and fuck people.” or “I cleaned out my ass for this?” There were humongous dildoes and butt plugs. Coy found some sexy clothing on sale. Hopefully these articles will appear in future photos her husband takes of her.

Hanging out in a sex shop with a bunch of perverts who blog about sex was fantastically fun. I only wish I could do it again sometime soon. It’s frustrating when you find people who you enjoy spending time with but they live on the other side of the country (especially when you live in such a large country as the United States).

So I’m afraid I don’t have any hot sex stories to share with you. The night before I left MasterDoc did make me come by simply sucking on my finger – very hot but the rest of the night is now a faded memory.

e[lust] #11

HNT courtesy of Neptune Blue

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #12? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Sometimes poly IS hardThe difficulties one faces in managing healthy interpersonal relationships, and the skills one employs in overcoming those difficulties, are the same whether you are monogamous or poly or something in between.

Artist and Model – I’m drawing her furiously along with everyone else in the class. I know her name is Janice because a long time ago we’d been acquaintances, then lovers for a night, and then I didn’t see or hear from her again.

His Boots – He’s my fix. I’m his addiction. Maybe we’re just each other’s junkies? I can never tell when i’m close enough to breathe him in I cease to care about anything else.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

I need a new highway….

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Nerds are NOT this season’s must-have accessory - Being a nerd doesn’t mean you grew up unpopular and tormented, that you have a high-paying job, that you like Star Trek, that you’re socially awkward, that you never exercise, that you run Linux on your computer, that you’re highly educated, that you have low self esteem, or that you have trouble getting dates.

See also: Pleasurists #71 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Kink & Fetish

31 orgasms, and that is just the foreplay

BDSM — Am I Abused?

Being Watched

Being a disappointment makes me feel like shit

Games I play with girls

“I want to be your whore”

Money in M/s

Scrabble the Jade Way

Sexualising ‘Sir’

Somehow

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Another Menage a Trois of Power

Confronting the bigots

porn, like sex work, defies easy generalisations

Thoughts on Owning my Butch Cock (Part 1)

Erotic Writing

A Dirty Girl with Needs

Blood Tint ~ Part 7

Dream on Part 2

His Birthday ~ Her Surprise!!

His Need part two

Hot and Wet

I Kissed a Girl…Deuxième Partie

It’s the simple things

It has been awhile…

Microfantasy Monday, week 72: the edge

Office Politics

Over the Weekend

sssgirls rock

Something Sexy. Confession #354

The Second Date

This photo…

The Haircut

Under 500: The Hungarian

Winner Takes All?

Wicked Wednesday: High Art

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A Femme Crip Rant

Controlling Emotions

Consequences

Come on

Do You Suffer from Opportunistic Boyfriend Syndrome?

Eating Her Out

Essure to take off the Pressure

Hair

Letting Go

Life of a Sex Toy Addict

Naming the boy, Blue Balls

e[lust] #10

HNT Courtesy of Babe Lincoln

Welcome to e[lust] - The 10th edition! Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #11? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Negotiation – Not Nearly As Awkward As Having a Breakdown in PublicAll the worries about getting to know a new person (“Am I dressed ok? Are they gonna like my stories about my grandma?”) get exaggerated when you’re talking about sex and desire…

Dollar Store DommeHe definitely can’t elude the dollops of toothpaste I dab onto his nipples. It takes a delicious second before he feels the cool burn penetrate his flesh. By that time I’m already up and selecting a plastic spatula from the credenza.

The Best of Both Worlds or Lost in Limbo?Whether intentional or unthinking, bisexual denial is a frustrating thing for bisexual, pansexual or ‘fluid’ people to have to deal with.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Navigating Genderqueer in SuburbiaBut pray tell how do the rest of us navigate it? How the hell am I supposed to know if you identify as male or just like dressing like one?

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

The Daddy Issue: Sexualizing AbuseI needed to walk through this fear, and turn it into pleasure. I needed to prove to myself that he hadn’t broken me. That he hadn’t changed who I was to become. That I was not affected by what he did. That he didn’t abuse me.

See also: Pleasurists #69 and #70 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

15 minute phone sex

…And Orgasms On Demand

A Neighbor In Need #7

Afternoon Delight!

Casino

Desperation & Dominance

Dreams

Evening Home, Part 3

First Asleep Loses

Happy ending

I Got….

I am a keeper of secrets

I Got Fucked

I am Coming for You: A Letter to Scin

Late Night Satisfaction

Lolita’s Mother

Making M Squirt

Sir ~ intro

The Hatter

The Flash Fiction Friday FAQ!

Trussed

We fucked, they applauded

Where there is a libido, there is a way

Wicked Wednesday: Idyll

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

20 Reasons Why Sex Is Good

Defining Sex

Hurt me, Pet

I Was Raped

Playing Dumb

Red Flags of an Abusive Partner, Part 2

Restrictions and Satisfaction

Someone Else’s Shoes

Sex Isn’t Everything

The Art of Sensual Touching-Caressing for You and Your Partner

The STI You Haven’t Heard of: Molluscum contagiosum

The Suit

Vibrant Woman or Live Masturbation Sleeve

What I Don’t Need

Kink & Fetish

A Little Girl’s Need for Submission

Are You Done Yet?

A Reformatory Punishment

BDSM Advice Series: Floggers

Bruises

Determined to bind

His Slut

I Really Wasn’t In The Mood

Impact

Pain and Healing

Questions From DH About These Things We Do

Surrender

Sub Drop: Fact or Fiction?

Tiiu Ashcraft – Fetish Artist and Beauty

The Eroticism of Tattoos

The Competition

Wanting to want

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

A History of Violence

Asshat of the Day Award

Awesome Mentoring Work and Upcoming Apprenticeship

Kinky Weekend

So after a week of intense work and being busy nearly every night, I was thrilled to be going out with MasterDoc and DeeDee to a bdsm party on Friday night. When I got to MasterDoc’s after work, DeeDee was with a guy who’s come by for a few shows. They have clicked well and so above and beyond the shows they have fooled around. DeeDee had orgasm after orgasm as I relaxed in the next room with MasterDoc. I felt a little jealous, not having had an orgasm in days, however it was also really fun to hear her moaning over and over. The four of us ate dinner together, and DeeDee decided she was too worn out from all the sex to go out with us. I of course never object to a night out alone with MasterDoc.

The party was held in a New York City loft and they had a fair amount of bdsm equipment around. There was a suspension frame, a couple of different types of spanking benches, a cross against a wall, and the two techie toys – a fucking machine and MasterDoc’s sybian.

We arrived early since we were bringing the sybian, and it was super quiet early on. We relaxed, talked to some people and MasterDoc made it clear I was going to try the fucking machine. I was nervous about it and tried to have it put off as much as possible.

To get me in the mood (as I indicated I would surely need to be warmed up before being pounded by a machine) MasterDoc had me lean over a bench and he caned me. My pain tolerance was pretty good and he went at it for a while, alternating with hands, the riding crop and small flogger. He pressed my nea vibe to my clit and teased me, and unfortunately since the angle was odd he teased me even more than intended – he wasn’t quite on the right spot. So while it felt good and I was getting hornier and hornier, there was no way I would come from it. He told me I could come if I wanted to, whenever I wanted to, but I just couldn’t get there.

We took a break, during which we met a nice, young Asian-American woman who is new to bdsm but embracing it wholeheartedly. She’s subbing to the party organizer and he told her she was definitely getting a sybian ride. I got to sit right next to MasterDoc as he gave her the ride and as always it’s so hot to watch a woman in the throes of passion.

Towards the end of the ride, MasterDoc got a phone call, which he picked up while continuing the ride, much to everyone’s amusement. It was DeeDee, asking if she could come again. (!) Apparently the million orgasms she had had weren’t enough. He gave her permission to masturbate and then finished the young lady’s ride. He called DeeDee to check in on her after the ride and I started feeling impatient.  I hadn’t had an orgasm in days, hadn’t had cock in nearly a week, and she had just had an amazing amount of orgasms. I love DeeDee, I consider her a good friend but at that moment all I could think was, (cue urban accent) “Bitch please! You’re taking up time when I could be having orgasms. You had plenty!” In retrospect, it’s kinda funny. After all, she had no way of knowing what we had or hadn’t done that evening. I wasn’t truly mad, but the timing was just lousy.

MasterDoc remedied the situation quickly by putting me on the sybian next. Very soon, I was begging for orgasm and he teased me for a while, getting me to climb even higher to the peak. I came hard and for a long time – I kept crying out “oh fuck, fuck, fuck” or “oh god, oh god, yes!” alternately. When I peeked around me during the orgasm, I was disappointed that there wasn’t a nice crowd around. People were pretty much busy elsewhere. But still, it remedied my lack of orgasm quite nicely. Unfortunately I ended up a little sore from grinding my clit into the nubby pad on the sybian. I think I need to turn the insertable part around so the smooth side is under my clit. I irritate my delicate inner labia in the heat of passion, which sucks.

So now that I was warmed up, MasterDoc wanted me to try the fucking machine. I was nervous. The lady who he had given the sybian ride to had just tried the fucking machine and her main reflection was that it was “big.” She had come though, so hard that her clenching vaginal muscles stopped the machine. The penis-like attachment looked a bit big for having pound me via machine, so I went with the smaller attachment, but this was less than ideal too. It was tapered at the end, which is useless for getting any g-spot stimulation and it was very flexible at the end, so when the machine was turned on it tended to pull out and not go right back in. We never really got the machine up to speed and I was clearly unhappy. Thankfully MasterDoc let me end things there. Another issue was that there wasn’t a bed, so the ideal position wasn’t possible. I knelt on the couch at an angle, uncomfortably.

And so my first fucking machine experience was a bust. I had been so anxious that it might miss the hole going back in and pound into my crotch. I have suspicions that often these types of machines are a turn on more for men than women.

The rest of the evening was relatively uneventful. There were moments when we saw some really hot scenes, and MasterDoc gave more sybian rides. Mostly the couples were male Dom and female sub, but there was a smoking hot fem Dom there who worked over the single submissive men. One of the nice parts of these parties (this is the second one I’ve been to organized by this host and MasterDoc and DeeDee went with our friend V. to one in between) is that they’re run by a black guy, and so there’s a big mix of ethnicities. So often I’ve only encountered white people out at bdsm events. I think until recently I subconsciously thought bdsm was really more of a white person thing (not to mention that until recently I hadn’t encountered the queer bdsm community either), but I’m happy to find that there are perverts in all demographics, and it’s wonderful that this party is truly inclusive of everyone.

There were stretches of boredom, but also some hot scenes like the big, strong, bald white guy who has a black submissive. He flogged her hard and I cringed a bit, even though I often like quite the same thing. However he pointed out that she likes it and proved this to me by barely touching her pussy through her panties and letting her come. Clearly, she enjoys kink as much as I do.

A guy with a nice body got flogged by the fem Dom and that was hot to watch. I pointed out to MasterDoc that male Doms have it easy – fem Doms have to flog in six-inch platform heels. (At least, if they’re going along with the male dominated view of what a female Dom should look like.) A few of the sub men purposely sissified themselves, and I have to admit that’s not really my thing. I prefer my men to be more manly but to each his own.

Saturday evening, MasterDoc, DeeDee and I went to the Kink Academy open house in Manhattan. Diva had convinced me to come so I could speak about the site since I think highly of it. I had just gotten to meet the “headmistress” Princess Kali the other night and I quite like her too. Having a circle of pervy friends and acquaintances is such a wonderful thing. They’re people I can be myself around.

The open house was lots of fun. There were demonstrations, contests – I participated (actually, I was first to volunteer) in a contest of putting condoms on bananas with our mouths. We all did well and got prizes. I had recently watched something with Midori teaching how to put a condom on with your mouth, so between that and Tess giving her lesson, I was ready. I also managed to win a hogtie (a metal ring with four leather straps coming off with clips at the ends – it’s used to clip together wrist and ankle cuffs into a hogtie position) and a complete set of Kink Academy’s scene starter cards. Whoo hoo! AND a one year free membership. Winning anything is uncommon for me, and to make out like a bandit yesterday I felt even happier that I went and spoke well of Kink Academy.

I got to meet various people who had heard of me, and it’s always nice when people compliment me on the blog. It really means a lot to be told that my openness about sexuality is having a positive effect. While I often think of this blog as mainly a space for me to record my adventures and express myself, I do partly do it as a means of sex-positive activism. To be recognized for it – even if it’s just a pat on the back – feels wonderful.

e[lust] #8

HNT Courtesy of Blue-Eyed Vixen

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #9? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

This Isn’t Play. . . BDSM and RapeThe very basic principle that we hold so dear in BDSM play, “Nothing without consent” seems to stand in stark contrast to a very common form of play, “Rape Play”.

Half-FullWhen I get my ass beaten, is it as much for the sensation as it is for the “Good girl…I knew you could take that for me.” that I want so badly at the close of the scene?

House Party Part 2 -His wife walked by at one point and he cryptically asked her to “do what she did to so-and-so earlier”. His wife disappeared behind me, but I felt her hands touching me and his cock as it entered me.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Backseat Orgasms - We kissed lightly and without focus, both a sensual act and maddening at the same time. More, I needed more. In a blur I was on my knees on the seat, straddling his leg, his mouth latched onto one nipple and his fingers hunting for the key to undoing my dress pants.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Are You Watching Me?A plan of devious proportions begins to form. Before this is over with, I will have forced you into a corner…forced you to act…forced you to give ME what I want.

See also: Pleasurists #64 and 65 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!


Erotic Writing

A story of FL

Contemplation

Cuddling

Floor Exercises

Good day for a milking

Goodbye

G-Spot Orgasms Galore – Part 2

Initiation

Logan

Mark. Confession #423

Mouth

Nothing says I love you quite like…

Playful and Dangerous

Play your part

Plotter

Splish Splash

The Library Hotel

The Secret I Couldn’t Keep

Triple X

Three A.M. Surprise

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anatomy of Desire (PT. Two)

Better Cautious Than Raped

Lingerie Tales Vol 1 An Obsession Begins

My life as a gamer’s slave

Perplexed

Saturday Texting

So Simple

The Elusive Female Orgasm

The G Spot Mouse or How To Make A Woman Squirt

Transtastic: On Language

Kink & Fetish

A No Limits Slave?

Are Discipline and Punishment The Same?

BDSM Advice Series: Pet Play

Bondage 101—Part 1: Bondage Basics

Breaking the Demons

Dark/DirtyBlog Crush

Factory Doll

Hand vs. toys

I’m on a book cover: ‘The Punishment List’ by Abel

Kink

Men as sex objects

Rough Porn

Raleigh and La Fortress

Savouring the texture of my skin with his teeth

The Way They Look At Me

The Slut Chronicles #13 ~ The Auction

Whither the spankosphere?

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Happy Valentines Day!

Hookers, Catholic School Students and Facebook

Lane Bryant Makes Puppies and Kittens Cry

Pussy Cosmetics and Vagina Myths


Why I Think the Concept of Privilege is Not “Bullshit”

I’ve been giving quite a bit of thought to both Champagne and Benezdrine’s post on privilege being “bullshit” and Britni’s response to it. My opinion falls on the side of Britni’s argument, and it’s not only from my exposure to feminist theory, it’s also due to classes I’ve taken on serving the underprivileged (hey, there’s that word with a prefix!) in the library. It’s difficult to see our privilege as we’re surrounded mostly by others in our same situation. If we’re middle class and white, we tend to find ourselves around other people who are at least one or the other of those things.

In the classes I took on serving the underprivileged, the point was made that values and experiences are so completely different. When you’re poor, you focus on learning “the system” so you can get the assistance you need (doled out by people of the middle class usually), this takes precedence over things like reading for personal enrichment. The middle class, however, has the luxury to make education and upward mobility a priority. They have enough resources that they don’t have to spend their time worrying how to get medical assistance with no money or insurance, or how to get enough food when their job doesn’t pay enough. The middle class, blind to their advantages, look down on the working class as not trying to better themselves when that’s not the reality.

In the public library, this tends to play out in the following way: the librarians are by majority middle class. They have had the opportunity to go to graduate school for their degree and they live in middle class neighborhoods and are, by vast majority, white. The paraprofessionals at the library vary from middle class to working class. The library patrons are usually working class or middle class, but how they use the library is often very different. (And Champers, you’re right that this is not an absolute, nothing is, but it’s very often true.) For the middle class, like myself, the library is chiefly a place where you can get books and knowledge to help further yourself (or for entertainment) and it’s a bonus that you can get other materials like DVDs and CDs. For a working class person, the library is chiefly a place where you can get internet access, which you can’t afford at home and ever-increasingly need to apply for jobs that don’t even require use of the computer at work. DVDs and other entertainment are important because you can’t afford it otherwise, and hell, being underprivileged you quite possibly need the escapism more than the middle class who can afford other forms of entertainment.

Looking at privilege is a difficult thing. In reading the articles that Britni linked, the one on white privilege made me really uncomfortable at many points. It’s hard to admit that you have advantages due to the lottery of your birth. A feeling of guilt often comes along with this. But it’s important to look at so you can work on bridging those advantages and bringing people of various classes together, not keeping them set apart. Of course, being of the dominant class there’s an impetus to keep the status quo, after all you benefit.

In thinking about this before I started writing, I realized a place where my privilege is showing – computer knowledge. I get frustrated with people who come to the library and need their hands held through basic tasks on the computer. I think to myself, “It’s 2010! Who doesn’t know how to use a computer or surf the ‘net?? Why haven’t we all learned by now? Why aren’t they asking me reference questions – it’s what I trained for!” This shows my privilege by the fact that as a middle class, white woman I have been exposed to computers in my office jobs and at college and I’ve had the money to purchase my own computers and internet service to use at home. However, others are not as fortunate and they rely on the library to help bridge that gap for them. By my looking down on those who are still new to using computers in this day and age I’m helping to keep them down – if they can see my disdain at helping them, they’re less likely to seek my help – and therefore less likely to get help and get the opportunity to rise up to the level of knowledge I have. In this situation, yes, I am a bit of an asshole. Not intentionally, but the whole point of discussing privilege is to make me aware of this so I don’t continue to act like an asshole and in the process help keep others down.

Champers, as an Englishman, I would think that you’d be a bit more aware of class differences than an American. The class system tries to blur itself in the US, but it’s still very much here, in the UK it’s more overt. In a class system (be it based on socieoeconomic status, skin color, gender, sexual orientation, etc.) the dominant class has an interest in keeping things the same. This will blind them to their privilege – however I think where Champers and others like him go wrong is that they then take this concept to be a personal attack – when it’s not personal at all. I’m not saying people with privilege (in many ways myself among them) are simply (and in all situations) assholes, not at all. They are people who are fortunate who need to become aware of how they are fortunate in ways that are not rational or fair.

Looking at one’s privilege is uncomfortable. It’s hard to acknowledge the unfairness in the system when that unfairness benefits you. The goal of talking about privilege is not to berate those who have it, the goal is consciousness raising (much like the feminists of the 70s) so that we can see where our advantages are creating disadvantages for others.

I think for those on the other side of privilege (such as when I, as a woman, read the article on male privilege) it’s obvious the myriad subtle (and not subtle) ways in which they’re oppressed. They live it every day. It’s easier to acknowledge when privilege oppresses rather than benefits you. When you try to point these things out to the dominant class, they get defensive. I think Champers is an intelligent and well-meaning person who strives to be decent to all. However, his privilege still blinds him at times. (And again, this does not personally make you an asshole, Champers. This is just something to examine. I may act like an asshole sometimes due to my privilege of computer knowledge, but ultimately I’m someone who strives to treat all equally. I strive to make library service accessible and as helpful to everyone as possible. But my privilege does blind me.)

The biggest privilege of all is the privilege to not see the privilege you have. Those who don’t have it, have no choice but to see they don’t have it. Champers, it’s pretty fucking ridiculous to compare the “female privilege” of being bought drinks at a bar to the male privilege of earning enough to do so easily. It’s absurd to say that because I’m seen as a sexual object (being female and all) and can then get out of speeding tickets (not that I’m hot enough to do that. I’m not. Unattractive, or average, women have less privilege than attractive ones.) that this is a wonderful thing.

Champers, by focusing on the ways in which you don’t have privilege, you help perpetuate the ways in which you do have privilege. By focusing on, “Look at me! I’m a white male and I have to bust my ass to feed my family!” helps distract us from the fact that a black man in the same situation will have to deal with a myriad of other difficulties and oppressions on top of that. By arguing that privilege doesn’t exist, you are helping perpetuate it and keep your place of dominance – whatever dominance you manage to have even though you’re not way at the top of the dominant group. The point of talking about privilege is not to confine us to where we were born, but to make all of us aware of how we oppress others. Practically all of us have some sort of privilege to look at – some of us more than others. Whining about how men don’t have the option to have babies (oh poor men!) helps cloud the fact that the ability of having babies comes with myriad disadvantages in life. It’s interesting that those who supported your post are by and large – like you – the people who have the most to gain by keeping the status quo.

You’re not bad people, but you are blind. Time to wake up. We’re not trying to berate you, we’re trying to help you see the folly of your ways so you can join us as an ally.

Being Promiscuous Doesn’t Necessarily Mean I Will Fuck You

Around the sex blogosphere the past few days there’s been articles being written on how being a lady sex blogger seems to encourage some rather unsavory types to harass the women writing these blogs. Here’s just a few (some of the posts have more links):

I blog about sex. That is not an invitation. by Epiphora

Same Shit, Different Site by Britni

What Not to Say by Dangerous Lilly

Just Because I’m a Woman by SarahBear

While SarahBear talked more about harassment she’s received just for being a woman, this line stood out to me: “The men they are encountering assume that just because they review sex toys, write erotica and participate in a sex positive community that they are promiscuous.”

Certainly, this is a stupid assumption. Being sex positive, writing about sex or using sex toys does not necessarily mean you’re promiscuous. However I want to make the point here that even if I am promiscuous, I do not owe you a date, a fuck, a blow job, naked pictures, cybersex, etc.

I am a slut. I am not ashamed of this. I have fucked many people. I love writing about sex and discussing it. I love putting up sexy photos of myself. While I will often be patient with very personal questions on formspring in the spirit of talking openly about sex, I do get creeped out and annoyed when someone seems to be insinuating that I would want to do any particular activities with them (especially when they’re asking anonymously). There’s a fine line between curiosity about the various sexual things I’ve done and hitting on me in a creepy and overtly sexual fashion.  A recent question and my answer:

Do you like being called nasty names? do you like your pussy slapped? your face slapped?

These questions are curious coming from a totally anonymous person. While I do enjoy these activities, I don’t enjoy them with everyone. In fact, the only man who has permission to do these things to me is MasterDoc.

I can’t help but think that rather than curiosity this person is looking for masturbation material or an indication that I would let them do these things to me. (I mean, if you read my blog at all you would know the general answer to these questions. Plus there’s already plenty of masturbation material here.) I don’t mind if someone gets off reading my accounts of things I’ve done. I’d be stupid and naive to think people don’t do that. But just because you’ve had a hot little wank session thinking about me does not mean I want to a) know/hear about it or b) make it real with you. I will often answer questions like I did the one above, getting specific that just because I’m into an activity, doesn’t mean I’d do it with just anyone.

would u liked to be fucked so rough and abused that u were sore the next day?

Yes, but by MasterDoc.

Being a slut does not mean I have to fuck everyone who’s interested in me or everyone who asks. I am a human being first and foremost and I have the option of turning down any and every potential sexual partner for whatever reason I deem appropriate. I do not owe anyone a cybersex session just because they’re turned on by my pictures or words. I tend to get really annoyed when someone tries to cyber with me without even asking if I want to. Most of the time when I’m online I’m either at work, or relaxing in the evening, and totally not in the mindset to talk dirty with a complete stranger. I’d appreciate being asked if I’m interested and for you to take my “no” graciously and back the fuck off. I’m not a fan of cybersex. And should I actually talk sex with you one time, doesn’t mean I’m obligated to do it again.

This all seems to go back to the sexist idea that women’s bodies and sexuality are public property. Let me clarify for you: No one has rights to my body or sexuality unless I give them permission. Yes, even MasterDoc had to get my permission before I submitted to him and gave him so much control over me and my sexuality. I reserve the right to take away permission from anyone at any time. If I say no, I mean no – not “try harder.” The best way to get my attention is to treat me with respect and be an interesting, intelligent person. Just because you promise to do things to me that I usually find erotic doesn’t mean I will let you. I’m more creeped out than turned on by some completely anonymous  person talking about what they want to do to me sexually (or someone I don’t know doing the same). It makes me feel like the future target of a sexual assault, not sexy and desirable. Just because you feel like you know me from reading this blog doesn’t mean I know a thing about you or have any reason to feel comfortable or safe talking dirty with you.

Even though I will fuck random strangers at clubs while out with MasterDoc, this does not mean I will fuck anyone. The men I fuck are chosen carefully by myself and/or MasterDoc. I do not owe anyone a fuck just by virtue of being a slut. The biggest reason I’d turn down someone? Feeling unsafe.

e[lust] #6

DSC00216-1

HNT Courtesy of Having My Cake And Eating It Too

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #7? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Exposing My Self to Airport SecurityI stared right at her until she looked away and called for assistance for a pat-down search. I gaped, chin dropped: holy shit, they’re gonna give me a pat down cuz I’m packing a silicon cock.

Prefect’s PrerogativeWhen I neglect this duty, or don’t perform it to his satisfaction, he makes me light a fire in his room, and stand in front of it in just my school shirt and white socks.

Attention Women: There is Something Wrong With Your VaginaYes, that’s what your vagina needs: a breath mint. Because, just like vagina shouldn’t smell like vagina, it also shouldn’t taste like vagina.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

The Perfect Fat Why do clothes designers assume that if you’re plus-sized you’re 1. over 5?9? and 2. over the age of 45 or “matronly and modest”? At the age of 32 I am not yet ready to dress like my grandmother.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Zipless- “I have some Scotch in my room—maybe you’d join me? You know, in the interest of not drinking alone…” She smiled. Perhaps she could yet salvage the day’s ending.

See also: Pleasurists #61 for all your sex toy review needs.

Also in recent sex news, check out the coverage of the Adult Entertainment Expo that happened in Las Vegas a couple weeks ago. You’ll see videos and articles from our fellow sex-bloggers on fun things like a rodeo penis and new sex toys not even on the market yet!

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Arousal is not consent

Psychosexual: Does the G spot exist? Do I care?

Reputable Help for Haiti

Squicked

That’ll be 151 Nickels

The Case of the Mysteriously Vanishing G-spot

Transtastic: Joking About Being Trans

Vegas – Day One – Diva’s Quick Recap

Vegas – Day One – Tess’s Thoughts

Why Don’t They Just LEAVE?

Kink & Fetish

Anatomy of a Mindfuck

Bad Submissive Claiming: Go Pantiless After Dating Refresher Electric fuck

Fetishes and me

Kinky With Class

Laziness never pays off

Piercing reversal

Resolution

Titty Fuck

The Coffee Date, Part 2

The Job Interview

Without Reason

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

BDSM Relationship Advice for Newbies

Greedy For The Verse

Hang Ups and Hand Jobs

Ivy Madden

If she had just been a better wife…

Insomnia

Swinging

The Sexiness Beneath

Weightlessness

Erotic Writing

42DD

A Different Kind of Fuck

Across the Room

All in a Play Party’s Night

Amazing Night

Bedtime Story

Behind You

Breathe and Let Go

Done by a Clown

Evening Home

Glow

Lick You As Long As You Like

Moments of Clarity

Naughty Neighbor

Saturday Night’s Alright (For Swapping)

Sex and Video Games

Slip sliding away

The Slut Chronicles #11 ~ The Dinner Party

Thursdays

Tyler

Visitors in my Bedroom

Wicked Wednesday: Altitude

When you Talk About Maelee

e[lust] #5

IMG_3649HNT Courtesy of Sexy Sadie

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #6? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

♦ This Week’s Top Three Posts ♦

Late Arrival: An Airport Encounter - I saw a possible haven ahead: a pilot disappearing into the pilots’ lounge. I could think of nowhere else that would offer us even a modicum of privacy. Time to brazen it out. With her still walking obediently alongside, I pushed my way into the lounge.

The Condom Question. Confession #397 – Luckily, this time I had my wits about me enough to reply with a categorical, Yes a condom is absolutely necessary, darlin, but history has proven that, while I’m naked and horny, I can offer no more justification as to why such protection is paramount.

No more… - “I’m so sorry, I can’t…”. Words, words, so many words… reasons and reasoning and things and stuff and none of it made sense, and through all of it, disbelief, dread, a sickness of heart… I couldn’t quite believe what I was hearing.

e[lust] Editress

Sex as a Panacea - As I begged “faster” “harder” “more!” I felt my orgasm come on, a mere minute or two after we began with this combination. A thunderous orgasm overtook me as he kept up with the dildo and I with the Climax for the first big wave.

♦ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick)

Bad Girl – I take off my coat and stand proudly before her in my black lace corset, suspenders, stockings and heels. She looks me up and down and smiles at me when she catches my stare. Desire is already zinging through my body.

See also: Pleasurists #59 and #60 for all your sex toy review needs

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Blowjob Tips!

Companioning

Domestic Violence on MTV’s ‘Teen Mom’

From Helper To Survivor

Good girl, bad girl…

Girlie Toys

If the Peg Fits

Illicit Encounters

Insecurity, You can Kiss My Ass

Nothing is perfect, which is why there is communication

Regaining my Femme

Studying

The Condom Question. Confession #397

Erotic Writing

All Rise For the Queen

Centre of Attention

Crying Uncle

Ending The Decade With Wes

Invading The Boy’s Club – #4

Last Night

Late Arrival: An Airport Encounter

Lorraine’s Coming Out

My reputation precedes me

Party Doll

The Beginning

The Erotic Touch of a Stranger

Kink & Fetish

1st night out as sub

Being my Master’s Shoe Slut

Bondage and Being Ignored

Caning in the snow at New Year

Mind Games and Number Games

Much Ado About Punching

No more…

September 2010: A Slave’s Initiation

The Intimacy of Being Taken

Thievery

The workhouse maid, punished

The Porn Reports, Part 1

Violence and BDSM

Yes, No, and Consent

“You’re a good little fuck toy”

News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Delegating Gaga

I Hope He Does “Animal” Next

Sometimes I’m Not So Sexy…