Monthly Archive for January, 2011

Heavy Beating

Published on January 29, 2011 in bdsm, caning, consensual non-consent, D/s, dom, edge play, flogging, gags, kink, masochism, orgasm on command, sadism, sex toys, shio, spanking, squirting, submissive, Uncategorized and wax play. 0 Comments

On Thursday, I asked MasterDoc if I could have a beating that night. He had just been thinking the same thing. Apparently he was in an ass whupping mood.

He used duct tape for a gag, something that really turns me on. I could just make muffled moaning noises through the gag. I knelt on the bed, ass in the air, Axis under me for support. My nose was a little stuffy so I focused a lot on how my breathing was doing. I did fine but when gasping over pain or holding my breath, as I often to when coming, I was concerned.

He startled me by starting off with wax. I didn’t hear him light the candle, but I sure felt the hot wax hit my ass. He followed up with some on my upper back, and once again on my ass. He used the vampire gloves to scratch my body. Again the feeling was unlike any other.

He still has the leather flogger with studs at the end of each strand. I keep hoping he gets it back to the Dom who owns it. *sigh* He beat me but good with that flogger that night. It delivers the type of pain that I find hard to handle. I would start pulling away from it, climbing higher on the bed. He told me to keep still and I knew I should do my best to obey.

Something that hadn’t struck me when he mentioned being in the mood to give a beating was that he was in a particularly sadistic mood.

He pushed my limits quite a bit that night. Sometimes accidentally, like when he’d grab an ass cheek to spread them and forget he was wearing the vampire glove on one hand. He took a cane to me and it hurt a great deal as well. The funny thing is, with anyone else I’d feel abused. With him I feel like it’s a challenge I want to meet. It hurts, but I know that after I will feel delightfully calm. I want to see how much I can take. (Who says subs are weak?)

It wasn’t until later that I discovered he used the largest cane on me because it was the only one in the room at the time. He held back with it since he knew the thick, heavy cane would hurt much more than the others. But again I found myself impotently screaming underneath my gag as he pushed my limits some more.

This beating went on for a long time. He would let up slightly which would give me a moment to catch my breath and register that I was ok. But shortly after he would pick up the studded flogger again.

He gave me a little time with his large, heavy buffalo flogger. After the acute pain of the other one, the large thud of the heavy flogger feels delightful. He flogged my ass with it, throwing the flogger heavily (later he complained that the big flogger uses so much effort, unlike the little one). He followed with flogging my upper back a little.

After what seemed like an eternity, he switched on the Hitachi and pressed it to my cunt. I could have come in no time flat if he wanted to make me. I held back but it was a huge struggle not to come at times. He would toss in some small flogger hits or a slap of his vampire gloved hand. I moaned like a desperate animal in heat. After a while, I could feel my cunt release a bunch of squirt and the vibe took on a splashy sound. He pushed me to orgasm for a good long time until it was apparent that my body couldn’t keep doing it. He told me I could fall forward.

I was speechless, and happy. I motioned the question of, “Could I remove the gag,” and he said yes. As he lay down on the bed next to me I pulled my dazed self closer to him. A cuddle in the aftermath of a limit pushing scene is vital.

He commented on a little blood coming out on the skin of my ass. We debated if the stripes on one cheek were cane stripes or vampire glove scratches. I’m not sure what it was but those marks are still on my ass. Scratches, I’m thinking? I actually bruised a little, something that seems nearly impossible to do to me lately. MasterDoc will be happy.

I’m happy.

Stream of Consciouness Post

Published on January 29, 2011 in bdsm, blog, blow jobs, consensual non-consent, D/s, edge play, fantasy, kink, masochism, musings, orgasm on command, random thoughts, sadism, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I’m having a lazy, quiet night to myself. I have notes jotted down (electronically) for a blog entry, but as it’s Friday night I can’t bring myself to work on something. I just want to relax.

And yet thoughts are coming to me and I feel like writing – only without worrying about getting the story wrong. (I’ve done that occasionally. Human memory is only so good.) MasterDoc points out when something I write just isn’t quite what happened, or I left out something really fun. I’ve edited many a post after hitting publish. I don’t run these posts by MasterDoc before publishing unless I feel a special need to on a particular post. But we do discuss them after. He supports and enjoys my blogging (best advertising vehicle for him ever!) and doesn’t ever outright censor me. I think it takes a truly strong Dom to give their sub free rein over the sub’s blog. I know he’s not the only one, but I really appreciate and respect him for letting me keep this outlet. (As I had this blog going before I met him.)

So instead of worrying about a recounting that could be off, maybe I’ll just do a little stream-of-consciousness writing here and describe a brief fantasy I had this evening. It takes off of what happened last night – he gave me one serious ass whupping. I got very close to crying. In the fantasy, he beats me until I beg him – truly beg him with tears rolling down my face – to stop. (I’m terrified of feeling the pain that can cause tears, but something amazing comes out of suffering. You ever notice that?)

He is merciful, so he stops with the beating. He has me blow him instead. It starts out slow and gentle and I latch on to my “slut’s pacifier.” When it’s fully hard he starts shoving it down my throat. I gag and drool runs out my mouth. He grabs me by the pigtails I have in my hair, and uses them for handles to control my head.

Tangent: It’s amazing how when done consensually these acts can be among the most intimate. There’s something about giving yourself over to someone, suffering for them, proving how devoted you are, that is amazingly intimate. I mean, I wouldn’t do this shit with most people. Currently I wouldn’t do rough sex to this extent with anyone but him. Nearly three and a half years of trust building went into this. And it was worth every second. I can only imagine how things will be as he gets further inside my head. Will he be able to put me in subspace and make me come with just a look? (I think he’ll read this and suddenly have a new aspiration.)

My fantasy didn’t go any farther. It was just a brief vignette. (I like that word.) Had it gone on it would have assuredly included orgasms. I’m not THAT much of a masochist.

First Kinky Librarian Giveaway

Published on January 26, 2011 in contest, sex toys and Uncategorized. 25 Comments

4th Blogiversary Contest!

When SexToy.com notified me that a toy I’m reviewing was sent, they mentioned that the distributor included a bunch of other toys with it. I was encouraged to review them if I wished, or I could give them away. Since January 27th marks four years of blogging, and I’ve never done a giveaway before, I decided to give the toys away in honor of my 4th anniversary. (The overachiever in me is chagrined that I took a 2 year blogging break, otherwise I’d be celebrating around 7 years of blogging.)

Here’s what the lucky winner gets:

Icicles Hand Blown Glass Massager – VERY pretty, nice shape, and made of sturdy, body-friendly, easy-to-clean glass. I very nearly kept this one myself.

Le Reve Dolphin – waterproof, made of TPR, shaft rotation, takes 4 AAA batteries.

Neon Glass Vibrator – BRIGHT yellow plastic vibe that slides into a glass sleeve with ridges

10″ Neon Love Touch Vibe – The material this is made of is not clearly stated on the box. I would recommend using a condom over it. Waterproof.

TO ENTER:

1) Retweet the following (in its entirety) for an entry – only one twitter entry per day per person – spamming is not sexy. Make sure the hashtag is included or your entry may be missed.

@nadiawest is giving away free brand-new sextoys from SexToy.com! RT daily to enter. #kinkylibrariangiveaway http://bit.ly/hUI1Tb

2) Leave a comment mentioning one thing you love about this blog. (Yeah, I’m looking for ego strokes here.) Make sure there’s some way I can contact you if you’ve won, such as a twitter handle or email address. Again, only one blog comment per person per day.

Hey, that adds up to 2 possible entries each day! I’ll run this contest from Thursday, January 27, 2011 until Thursday, February 3, 2011. After that, I’ll use a random number generator to select the winner.

I’m excited. I hope you’re all excited too. I’m happy to finally get my butt in gear and give away some sex toys.

Lucky

Published on January 24, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, blow jobs, bondage, caning, crazy, D/s, depression, emotions, gags, kink, masochism, mental illness, orgasm on command, restraints, sadism, sex toys, spanking and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Occasionally a Dominant will read this blog and declare that MasterDoc is lucky to have me. What they don’t see is the work that goes into being my Dom and taking care of me. I make no bones about my struggle with depression and some days MasterDoc really has his hands full with me.

Certainly, in some ways he is lucky. But when I’ve slipped into depression and not realized that’s what it is, I can be horrible. The other day I just kept complaining and complaining. If my words were to be believed, MasterDoc can’t do anything right. Thankfully, part way through the day I realized MasterDoc was NOT the issue at all – depression was. Still, it was a hard day for him, but bless his heart he was patient with me the whole time, refusing to give up on me even though I could only see life through a negative lens.

I spent a lot of time alone the rest of the day, in one of his bedrooms. He would check on me periodically and DeeDee even popped in to bring me some tapioca pudding. It was a rough day for me because it was one of those rare times when I don’t just feel depressed, I feel crazy. I don’t want to get into personal details, but rest assured I was nuts and feeling miserable. I wanted to hide until I felt sane again.

Thankfully MasterDoc’s patience helped and eventually I started to feel better. That evening he gave me some delicious orgasms and feeling good physically helped me along mentally. The cuddles and his listening to me unburden the crazy thoughts in my head helped even more.

I’ve been feeling potentially unstable since then, but ultimately keeping my shit together. I had a nice weekend with MasterDoc and DeeDee, and Sunday afternoon MasterDoc and I got some time alone when I wasn’t feeling crazy. He had me blow him while he spoke on the phone, and I enjoyed having his cock in my mouth since I hadn’t had it often lately.

A bit later, he had me lay on my stomach on the bed. I lay over a pillow so my back wouldn’t bother me and the throe was between me and the pillow. He bound me down to bed using the under bed restraints. I’ve sometimes complained that I don’t get enough bondage, and the little bondage fetishist in me was doing a happy dance. He pulled the restraints snug and there was no way I could get out.

He put on my collar, a blindfold, and finally a gag. I have issues with gags that go inside the mouth and unfortunately he chose one. I did my best to remember what he taught me – breathe slowly through the nose. If you breathe too quickly your nostrils pull in and you don’t get enough air. This soon wasn’t enough, however, between a stuffy nose, the blindfold pressing on the bridge of my nose and finally trying to cope with the pain of a caning. It’s impossible to focus your breathing and breathe slowly when crying out in pain.

He didn’t go immediately to the cane, but surprised me by grabbing my ass with one of the vampire gloves I got him for his birthday last year. He swatted my ass with it, ran it up my back. It was a sensation a step away from tickling and a step away from pain. I liked it. He started caning me, and immediately before he checked to make sure I could beg for mercy through the gag. As soon as he asked that, I knew I was in for quite a ride.

He kept caning me past my usual limits. It hurt a lot, but I was able to deal with it because I knew it would end. I knew I would have a lovely sense of calm after it stopped. He would alternate with the vampire glove and every touch was a surprise. Every strike a bit of a shock.

After my ass was well reddened, he grabbed the Hitachi and placed it between my legs. He spanked a bit, I moaned and tried to get my clit in better contact with the vibe. This went on alternating and I could have come quite easily from the vibe but chose to hold off. He took the vibe away and spanked my pussy for a while. Even this was enough to put me near the edge. I finally got out, “May I please come, Sir?” (I had pushed the gag out of my mouth by this point so I could breathe.) He held off a second or two, then let me come. He pushed the Hitachi to my cunt and I kept coming harder and harder.

When he was finished I lay there, still face down, my arms and legs still bound to the bed. It was bliss. I had to ask him to release me a few minutes later because my arms were starting to hurt, secured above my head like they were. He undid my arms and ankles, and I got to cuddle close to him. I love cuddles with him. They feel amazing. Being in his arms was the best therapy I could have. I started this entry talking about how others think he’s lucky to have me, but I know that I’m lucky to have such a wonderful Dom to love and take care of me.

Double Feature

Published on January 19, 2011 in anal, bdsm, bisexuality, cunnilingus, cunt, D/s, dating, horny, kink, lesbian, masturbation, non-monogamy, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, sex, sex toys, shio, squirting and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I had a lot of alone time last weekend and masturbated more times than I probably had the prior month! I certainly got MasterDoc’s permission when I got to the third time in one week. I’m allowed two without asking permission. He asked me to cam with him and so he watched me masturbate on my couch from far away. It was awesome. He wasn’t on cam, but still I felt much closer after the experience with him. Towards the end of the weekend, I got to be social, not to mention sexual.

The holidays and such kept me from seeing Blondie for over a month. We were both busy. Finally, we made plans for her to come over Sunday night since I was off the next day. She arrived late; her afternoon plans took longer than she thought and then she got lost coming to my place. She came in, took off her coat and we kissed. She said, “I brought ginger,” which can strike fear into a submissive’s heart! I worried for a brief moment that she wanted to try figging, but as it followed her mentioning bringing whoopie pies, I thought it couldn’t mean that. Thankfully it turned out the ginger was the very yummy dark chocolate covered ginger from Trader Joe’s.

I was pretty tired by the time she got there, so we just watched a dvd. (Tipping the Velvet, a lesbian period piece based on the novel by Sarah Waters. OMFG Rachael Stirling is hot. Keeley Hawes and Jodhi May aren’t bad either!). Blondie crashed at my place for the first time. The next morning, we ordered breakfast in and finished the dvd. After breakfast we ended up making out standing in my kitchen. While I’m totally femme and sub I felt a little guyish because I’m noticeably taller than her and I kinda enveloped her in my arms as I bent my face downward to kiss her. What it’s like to be considerably shorter than your partner is something I know nothing about.

We fucked. She asked if I had a blindfold and what toys were around. She blindfolded me and used my Siri on my clit. She asked about plastic wrap and I told her where it was while blindfolded (and where gloves were too since they can be cut open to form a barrier for oral sex if needed). She went down on me for the first time. It felt good but the barrier can inhibit some sensation. Still, it’s not hot if you’re not meeting your partner’s safer sex needs, and safer sex is way better than no sex. She also used a glove to finger me and I came quite quickly. I can do that when not required to get permission to come. I have to admit though that in some respects I prefer prolonging it. I suppose I should just do that on my own. She kept going and I kept loving it until my g-spot became too sensitive and I had to ask her to stop probing it so firmly.

I played with her next when she suggested we put a condom on my Gigi and use it on her. The condom came in handy as handle for this too-short vibrator. She wanted it shoved in far and I would use the end of the condom to pull the toy out of her cunt. I loved seeing her labia swell and open up. She gave me lots of direction, apologizing along the way. I reminded her that I’m a submissive and I’m quite use to being told what to do and how to do it. MasterDoc has trained me to his specifications. It doesn’t faze me. I’d rather please my partner than be clueless.

I rubbed her clit with my finger, stopping to add some lube because a lubricated clit is a happy clit. She moaned a whole bunch and even let out a piercing scream. I worried that the police would be knocking on my door thinking a murder was going on. We later switched to the magic wand as she thought it would be easier for her to come. We each took turns handling either the wand on her clit or Gigi inside her while the other used the other toy. I’ve made her feel really good, shriek with pleasure, but not come yet. I have to admit this disappoints me, because giving my partner an orgasm is a wonderful feeling. But I will be patient and do my best to keep learning what works for her.

After an afternoon spent with my friend Divasub (who I hadn’t seen in way too long also), I went over to MasterDoc’s to see him for the first time in about 5 days. I don’t often go that long without seeing him but he was away all weekend. (So happy to write here that after a week of no sex, I got it twice in a day from two different lovers – awesome.) We spent time reconnecting, and MasterDoc hadn’t had sex in a few days so he was pretty horny, too.

I seem to be dealing with some vaginal dryness and occasional soreness lately – I’m blaming it on my birth control pill for the time being. Being a bit dry makes penetration hurt sometimes, and his cock felt enormous that day. (I can hear him now, “Doesn’t it always feel enormous?” Yes, yes it does.) I had already gotten wet and warmed up with my hand, but still, inside I seemed uncomfortably dry. I had to ask him to please add lube. He asked if he should ignore me like that one time he was ass fucking me and he kept going after I requested lube and I came super hard seconds later. Um, no, this was not quite the same. He applied some lube and fucked me with just the tip of his cock until I was worked up and able to take the whole thing. It was hot! He couched it in terms of teasing me. It worked, I became desperate for the whole thing and my pussy self-lubricated.

He fucked me for what seemed like forever. I was so desperate to come that I actually voiced it, “You make me want to come so badly!” I hesitated to say that, worrying that it would be taken as begging for orgasm, which I’m not permitted to do when his cock is inside me. I finally decided that no, it’s not asking it’s just stating how he was making me feel. I think he should know if he’s driving me positively wild. He would fuck me harder for a bit and make me struggle to maintain control of my orgasm. I’ve been working on enjoying the good sensations for as long as he wants to fuck me without orgasm, and I am appreciating just the sensations more although I think I’d lose it if I didn’t eventually have an orgasm at the end of a scene. It’s good that he’s gotten me less goal-oriented (and loving it) but I still love orgasms. Who doesn’t love orgasms? I came, I moaned, I squirted.

______________________

By the way, Babeland is offering 20% off Lelo products this weekend!! Ack! I LOVE Lelo. If you’ve been thinking about getting something like the Siri or Gigi (my faves), now may be the time!

Of Submissive Puppies

Published on January 18, 2011 in D/s, DeeDee, humor, kink, musings, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Recently MasterDoc and I tried to figure out what sort of stuffed animal around the house would be good to signify me. As I’ve mentioned before there’s Brian (the dog) and Miss Ganoush (the sheep) for MasterDoc and DeeDee. MasterDoc suggested that I should be a puppy. Now, it should be said that we don’t see DeeDee as sheepish, but she adores her stuffed sheep so it’s her totem of sorts. I was good with being a puppy though.

Initially, Puppy was the name for one of MasterDoc’s young submissive playmates. I’ve only met her a couple of times when she’d be out east to visit him during a school break (college student). I’m not sure how Puppy came to be her name as MasterDoc says they don’t really do much puppy play together. Regardless, the name “Puppy” will always be associated with her for me.

But, as in “a puppy” there’s plenty of room for more than one puppy.

As I contemplate the nature of puppies (as in young dogs) I can see parallels to my role in that household. Puppies, while they’re dogs¹, are young so they don’t totally understand the grown dog’s impulses. However they do understand much of what the dog is interested in. Puppies are still learning and mostly they’re eager to please. They’re awfully cute and lovable. (Whoo – steady – flash of self-esteem there!)

Puppies make mistakes. Sometimes they behave badly and act out. But they do respond well to love and attention. They can be trained. They like to play.

Puppies tend to be very devoted and not terribly independent. Dogs are far more independent.

I tried to figure out what breed I’d be best represented by and my first impressions were beagles (I had a beagle/basset mutt as a child) or a cocker spaniel. Both are friendly, sweet dogs (and cute to boot!). I then looked up a “what kind of dog are you” quiz online – silly, I know, but I took the first one that popped up in search results and it came up with cocker spaniel. I think we have a winner. Now to find a cute stuffed one for MasterDoc’s place.

As he and I hung out Monday night, he teasingly started moving his Edy’s fruit bar towards my body – he knows I hate cold! I whimpered like a puppy in response, and he noticed that it was totally puppy-like. Today when I told him online that I had a headache while at work, he wrote back, *pets the puppy.* We’ve both embraced this quite easily. He says that I make a cute puppy and he’s a good top dog. (Indeed!) The whole dog/puppy thing clearly parallels Dom/sub for us. I don’t think I’ll go out of my way to really get into puppy play, but it’s cute sometimes when he calls me a puppy to answer “rawrf!” or something.

¹(MasterDoc is represented by a dog – always going around chasing pussy. I say this affectionately and teasingly.)

e[lust] #22

Published on January 18, 2011 in blogs and e[lust]. 0 Comments

Photo courtesy of Lady Grinning Soul

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #23? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Erotic asphyxiation: treatments of kink in therapy and the media - Kink and BDSM practitioners often come to an enhanced understanding of their own desires through the emphasis on personal boundaries and communicative consent which arises from a responsible approach to power and pain play.

Mirror, mirror – I found myself back there again, perched on the edge of the white expanse, spreading myself shamelessly in front of the glass

Worry – I’ve been thinking about rape culture more than ever before. On the outside, much of K’s and my play looks like sexual abuse. It’s not, because consent is always central.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

gender and misogyny: responsibility and erotic writing – I spent a good portion of my adult life being gender fluid myself …, and have partnered with several gender fluid folks as a top. Creating representation of us and our eroticism feels so vital to me, so important.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Help End the Backlog - Speaking out works. Taking action works. Silence doesn’t. Politicians on every level need to hear your voice saying “this is unacceptable”. 76%. 3/4. That’s how many rapists get away with it on a national level.

See also: Pleasurists #111 and #112 for all your sex toy review needs

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

A Tryst By The Car

Compliant

Fantasy: Brand New Day

First-Time Sex: How I Lost My Virginity

Happy New Year

Hysteria

Indiscretions Vol. 1: Caught And Wild Chlid

Like Mother, Like Daughter (part two)

Loving her, Mounting her, Owning her

Whenever I’m Alone With You

Yeeees. Date Night

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Breaking Up, Polyamory Style

Computer Sex

Douchebagopolis – When Communication Fails At A Swinger Party

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2010

Good Head

Hormones & Biological Clock Ticking

Lockets, Sins and Ink

Off My Chest

Swing Shift Volume 39- One and Only

Semi-Rant Part Two

Kink & Fetish

Barely Cooking Christmas Party

Master’s Good Medicine

Paddled and Fucked

Parodies and Pizza Boys

Photographer

School Girl Night

shes and me…

You Know It Was Good When…

Dark Fantasy

Published on January 15, 2011 in anal, bdsm, bisexuality, blow jobs, bondage, caning, consensual non-consent, cunnilingus, cunt, D/s, dom, edge play, exhibitionism, fantasy, gang bang, humiliation play, kink, masochism, masturbation, needle play, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, piss play, restraints, sadism, sex, sex toys, shio, slut, spanking, squirting, submissive and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

Depression is not helpful for a fun sex life, so I haven’t done anything much with MasterDoc in a few days. (Except for a therapeutic caning Tuesday night that really did seem to lift my mood.) But I’ve been thinking naughty things and figured I’d write a little fantasy. Note: I refer to MasterDoc both as Sir and MasterDoc in this story. The rest of the characters don’t have names.

I can hear people arriving from where I lay in the bedroom. I’m playing with my cunt because Sir has told me to get it ready. I have no idea who is coming into the apartment or what will happen, but I do as I’m told.

I’m fairly close to orgasm when Sir comes in. He gives me a talk, hands on either side of my face, and tells me that I’m not to let him down. I’m to be a good little cunt and do as he says. He leads me into the living room where there’s about three men and one woman. I vaguely know one or two but not the others. I’m naked, except for my collar, leather cuffs on each wrist and ankle, and a leash hanging from the D ring on my collar. Sir leads me into the center of the room with the leash.

He takes a seat in a chair, and motions for me to sit on the floor by his feet. I do so and he starts talking. “Here’s our submissive cunt for the evening. Remember, condoms are to be used for any vaginal or anal sex. You are free to fuck her or make her go down on you as you wish, but you must clear any pain play with me first.”

I don’t know whether to be excited or scared. I’m looked at like a piece of meat laid out for a pack of hungry animals. He sends me around to each of our guests and instructs me to nuzzle their crotches through their pants. I crawl up to where each sits and do as I’m told, catching a whiff of muskiness from each crotch.

After I’ve finished this, he says, “Come back here slut. It’s time we got you warmed up.” These words make me anticipate genital stimulation, but when he grabs the canes I realize that’s not what he had in mind.

My wrist cuffs are joined together in front of me by a carabiner – something too short for me to undo myself. He swats my ass with the canes as I kneel face down, ass up. I hold still when I can handle the sensation but flinch forward when it hurts. The crowd admonishes me to say still whenever I flinch and I do my best. When my ass is quite sore, MasterDoc has me kneel on the floor and take his cock out of his pants with my bound hands. I suck him hard, and when his cock is its full size he grabs hold of my hair tightly. One of the guests says, “Oh yeah, choke her on it!’

He forces my head down so that his cock is entirely in my mouth. I can feel my throat working as I struggle not to gag. I last several seconds, and then MasterDoc pulls my head away as globs of saliva run down my chin and form a string between his cock and my mouth. He does this several times until I’m breathless and a bit lightheaded. Sometimes he slaps my face when he’s pulled it off his cock. I can feel the hands of some of our guests start to grope my body. One hand checks out my wet cunt. Another squeezes a nipple.

I am thrust back down onto the floor but this time on my back. The woman grabs hold of my cuffs and holds my hands above my head. One of the men takes a cane to my thighs and cunt when MasterDoc hands it to him. I figure this was something pre-agreed upon. Thankfully, Sir had passed him the lightest cane we have.

Still, ugly red stripes start to form on my inner thighs. When he smacks my cunt with it I think I can’t possibly handle the pain. One of the men places a strip of duct tape across my mouth so my cries won’t disturb the neighbors. MasterDoc and one of the other men holds my legs apart so I can’t get away from the cane blows.

Just as the pain makes me cry, MasterDoc signals to stop. Our guests back off, and MasterDoc holds me on the floor for a little while, telling me what a good girl I am. I cry softly, but it’s a cathartic release rather than any sadness.

Dinner delivery arrives and I wonder if the delivery person can see me naked and limp on the floor in the living room. My wrists are undone and the tape removed from my mouth so I can get up and serve dinner. I set the table, fetch drinks for our guests. They take liberties in touching me as I move around the table serving. Beforehand Sir told me I would be eating dinner on the floor. One of the men secures my wrist cuffs behind my back, and I have to eat without my hands, out of a bowl. Since leaning forward with my hands behind me would be too difficult, I am graciously allowed to have my bowl on a low stool so I don’t have to bend as far. As the guests eat and talk I’m mostly ignored, until one of them wants to comment on the mess on my face. I think to myself that there are animals with more dignity than I have right then. I eat as best I can. One of the men wipes my face with a warm, wet cloth and then pulls me by the hair until my mouth envelops his cock.

I suck and feel more hands on my body. I’m helpless as my wrists are behind me. I get pinched, poked, prodded. Someone produces a vibrator and holds it to my clit. It becomes so difficult to focus on my work on our guests’ cock that I slow down my efforts. I get my hair yanked and admonished to “Get back to work you dirty whore!” I try to focus but the vibe on my clit keeps distracting me.

My head gets moved around so I can suck all the cocks there. MasterDoc is stroking his cock and sizing me up as to what to do next.

I’m taken into the bedroom, where he lubes up my ass. My wrists are unbound so I can support myself in doggy-style. The woman takes off her clothes and lays down so my mouth is right at her crotch. I’m instructed to lick her pussy well (lest I get punished) and MasterDoc shoves his cock into my ass. He fucks me and I lick the clit and lips of this woman’s wet cunt. She moans and it seems like I’m doing a good job. MasterDoc, however, keeps varying his speed so I get terribly aroused and distracted. I’m desperate to come but I know that it won’t happen quickly tonight.

I had been asking for resistance play sometime, and I was told earlier that I would get it tonight. After a short break, for which I’m thankful, Sir slaps my face and grabs me by the hair. “Time to fight, cunt.” he tells me.

I struggle to get loose but of course our guests join in and grab various limbs. I feel myself forced onto the bed where my cuffs get secured to the underbed restraints. I struggle up until the last moment and at times I manage to slip an arm or a leg away from my tormentors. But in the end it’s useless. I’m spread eagle on the bed, terribly vulnerable. I’m gagged again, and blindfolded this time.

I feel the cool rub of alcohol swabs at various points on my body. MasterDoc gives a demonstration of play piercing to our guests. I get called all sorts of degrading names – fuck hole, pincushion, slut, cunt, bitch – while he pierces me. I get incredibly anxious when I feel him swab my outer labia – both sides. “This is gonna hurt, cunt.” he tells me. He has me breathe in deeply, and then while I’m breathing out he slides a sharp, sharp needle through one of my outer labia. We’ve done this before, but it’s still somehow shocking to have my labia pierced.

Sir strokes my body (and probably some guests do too, I’m not sure since I can’t see) to soothe me before he plants another needle in the other labia. He tugs on it a bit and I moan under my gag. A few more needles go in the skin on my chest, these are a bit hesitant so I wonder if it’s one or more of the guests doing the piercing. I can hear someone’s breath drawn in sharply. They’ve gotten a thrill from piercing me. From making me hurt. One of them says something admiringly about the tiny drop of blood that one of the piercings has brought out.

The needles are withdrawn and I can hear movements. Next thing I know, I’m being fucked by guest after guest. I’m allowed to come during this and keep orgasming too many times to count. The woman goes at me with her strap on. She’s positively vicious with pinching my nipples. The gag is taken off and a cock shoved into my mouth while my cunt is being fucked. The dual action of a cock being shoved into my throat and a cock being shoved into my cunt is overwhelming. Soon I’m gasping and drooling between cock thrusts. The lot of them make me come more than I ever thought possible while taking turns violating my body. I squirt a few times and can feel the throe beneath me soaking wet.

“You said you wanted me to be rougher with you,” says MasterDoc. He rips off the blindfold and I watch him jerk off onto throe. The guests undo my bindings, and MasterDoc shoves my face into his come and rubs me into it. As he holds my head to the puddle of come, I can feel other guys shooting their loads all over my back. I’m a totally come-covered whore. And honestly, it’s bliss.

The guys take me into the shower and MasterDoc commands me to kneel down. I’m sticky with come and they offer to rinse me off. It seems like I’m instantly surrounded and they’re all pissing on me. I cry silently from the humiliation. They all tell me what a dirty piss whore I am.

They leave me, reeking of piss and shivering in the cold tub. The last thing Sir said when he left was that I was allowed to shower. I quickly rinse the piss off my body and out of my hair. I towel off and put my cuffs and collar back on and return to the living room where everyone’s having drinks.

MasterDoc motions for me to sit on the sofa next to him and I do. He puts his solid arms around me and kisses my forehead. “You’ve been a very good slut today. I’m proud of you.” I glow with pride over having been used, abused and come through it feeling amazingly calm. Endorphins rock.

Our guests leave a short time later, all thanking me for the good time. I thank them of course and MasterDoc has me kneel on the floor and kiss everyone’s crotches goodbye.

After they’ve left, we snuggle in bed. I’m exhausted but so very happy.

Sub Drop

Published on January 11, 2011 in anxiety, bdsm, D/s, orgasm denial, sex, stress, sub drop, submissive and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

I had another magical evening with MasterDoc on Sunday. He fucked me from on top, and kept me desperate for orgasm for what seemed like forever. I just kept moaning, or maybe it was more like whining. I tried to communicate my desperation through sounds since I know I’m not allowed to ask for orgasm while his cock is inside me. After much teasing, he let me come. I am so damn lucky. I was in such a happy place. I felt really into sub mode last night and wanted nothing more than for him to tell me what to do.

Monday, I woke up a bit cranky. I know that MasterDoc has things he needs to do the next two weekends, so I won’t see him for days at a time. This would normally tend to make me a bit sad, but I usually focus on stuff I can get done when he’s not around and I’ve put out emails to friends (including Blondie) about hanging out.

Despite trying my usual, I felt sad. Over and over. All day. I couldn’t think of a totally legitimate reason to be unhappy but there I was. I was blaming it on hormones since I’m on the inert pills of my pill pack just now. I haven’t had a period in a while (I love these pills, let me tell you!) but I would have it around now if my body had anything to shed. But someone I know only through twitter seems to have hit the nail on the head when he told me that I was experiencing sub drop.

Indeed.

I can’t recall really experiencing it before. I’m sure I had a few times I was a bit down after having some really good or intense play, but never as all-encompassing like this. I felt like shit all day for no apparent reason – other than sub drop. I’ve started reading up about it online for tips on how to deal. Some people make themselves a special “aftercare kit.” The guy on twitter who pointed out my predicament said he leaves an undershirt he’s worn recently with his babygirl because the scent helps her. I’ve read elsewhere that some aftercare kits include a reassuring letter from the Dom. I could use one of those.

DeeDee is back in town and unwell, so of course she needs MasterDoc’s attention. But I should be able to see him tomorrow night, even if just to hang out. I could use some cuddles right about now.

In addition to sadness, I had a really hard time focusing at work. I popped a klonopin in the afternoon to help mitigate the anxiety at least. I didn’t want to bite anyone’s head off while working the reference desk. Work has been a source of stress for a while now, so I’m sure it didn’t help the whole sub drop thing. A long week of work ahead of me, and then a three-day weekend without MasterDoc surely adds to my feelings of being unmoored.

More Weekend Fun

Published on January 10, 2011 in bdsm, blow jobs, D/s, happy, kink, masturbation, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, porn, prostate massage, sex and Uncategorized. 1 Comment

We were going to go out the following evening, but I had had a particularly taxing day at work, and MasterDoc found himself tired as well. It’s a shame because for once we were going to a party without the sybian in tow. He told me the next morning that he was going to fulfill one of my wishes by having me in sub mode all evening. Darn it.

But we stayed in that night, and it was hardly what you’d call boring. He fucked me some more after showing me a clip of some rough deep throating, complete with pigtails used as handles. Very much something that turns me on right now. I played with my cunt as we watched and he had me get on hands and knees for a fucking. I tried to watch the video, but once his cock is pounding me I have a hard time keeping my eyes open and focusing on anything else. Still, I loved hearing the soundtrack to the porn.

He fucked me silly again, and as I came his cock did battle with the muscles in my cunt – they’d push his cock out, and he’d push it back in. It felt amazing, although I do wish my cunt would stop expelling things that make me feel good! I was well nigh incoherent after. But so very happy. I had a huge grin on my face.

We played around some more with cock choking. I had a hard time with my head over edge of bed because then the saliva just pools in my throat, but it was really hot for him to violate my throat that way. I had pretty much no control over his thrusting and I liked it that way.

Unfortunately, that position made me gag too much to continue. He told me he wanted a prostate massage and I got in position. (Best position we’ve found is for him to lay on his back with me between his legs.) I felt around in his anus and found that walnut-textured swelling that’s the prostate. I did my best to milk it, drawing my finger towards the opening of his ass while pressing firmly on the gland. Judging by his facial expressions, it feels pretty damn good.

He had me stop before he came, and we took a break. As it got late he decided to sleep in the other room, and to make himself come before bed. I set him up with his laptop and a towel to come on. I enjoyed a little alone time playing The Sims 2 for a while. (I have the third one on order!)

All the reassurance and fun I’ve had this weekend has perked me up considerably. Sunday I went on a cleaning rampage – completely voluntary. It was prompted by a feeling of security and service, as well as reaching my limit of messiness and wanting to have a clean place for DeeDee to come back to. It’s a huge apartment so I left some rooms out, but the place looks considerably better after my efforts.