Beyond The Bedroom

I can’t recall the site, but recently someone asked me if I serve MasterDoc outside of the bedroom too. I figured it might be interesting to explain the day to day, non-sexual aspects of our relationship for those who are curious.

The short answer is yes. I am not just his sexual submissive. When I first met him, sexual submission was all I had in mind. When he first set me to putting away his laundry I thought, “What the fuck?” The transition to being a service sub (in addition to a bedroom sub) was a bit difficult for me, but I think I always went along with it because I so wanted the sexual submission. I struggle with how stressful it can be to help take care of his large apartment, as well as taking care of my own apartment. It feels like there’s always chores to be done – and this is with DeeDee handling a huge amount of chores at his place currently!

But after a while, I discovered that it can feel really good serving someone. I like taking care of him and knowing that I’ve made his life easier. Sure it’s annoying when he asks me to get up and fetch him something when I’m tired, but the self-discipline that has come from learning not to gripe about it (as much) is a good trait to develop. Currently I’m in charge of putting away laundry (thankfully he takes it out to be done), scrubbing the toilets (because I really don’t get the aversion to it – you use a long-handled brush people!) and cleaning up after dinner when DeeDee cooks (or when she’s out and I cook). She cleans up when I cook, but I do it much less often than she does. Other assorted tasks are assigned as needed.

I do my best to keep things tidy. As a man with ADD, MasterDoc tends to be very messy. I pick up clothes he’s left on the floor, check the pockets carefully for items and then put them in the laundry. I try to hang up his keys when I find them not hanging on their hook. I try to help make the effects of his ADD a little less for him. I make a mental note when I see his cell phone as he’s often looking for it. I’m not perfect, I tend to make a face when I have to call his cell phone from mine for the umpteenth time in a week. Sometimes I’m feeling tired or lazy and I will try to weasel out of something. Thankfully for me, MasterDoc is a flexible and laid back person. If something does need doing immediately he will tell me and I will overcome my inertia. If not, he can let me do something in my own time.

In different ways, we both take care of each other. I realized recently that having a Dom has been a great deal like being re-parented. Bad emotional habits I learned from my parents (mainly my mother) have been dealt with by MasterDoc over the past three years. I tend to react emotionally – often over-emotionally – to things, whereas he’s a calm, logical type. He has taught me to calm down and to take a moment to see if something is truly worth getting worked up over. There are times when my emotional outbursts are due to depression brought on by a chemical imbalance, but even then I’ve been getting better and better at recognizing what is the depression talking and what is real. We’ve worked on my insecurity and now that work is bearing fruit. I have ups and downs, but I think I’m a better person for his guidance.

When we’re not being sexual (and my leather collar is not on) I don’t have to call him Sir all the time, but he does enforce it when appropriate. Whenever he gives me a direct order I’m expected to say, “Yes, Sir.” I can joke with him, tease him a bit otherwise. We hang out much like any vanilla couple. We’ll watch movies together. We’ll talk. We’ll enjoy dinner with DeeDee (usually something yummy yet healthy she’s made). We do our own thing while in the same apartment. And sometimes he goes off to the play room to have fun with DeeDee while I find something else to do in the living room. (And vice versa.) He advises me on life issues – but is careful to give me a certain amount of autonomy.

I’ve run errands with him (and for him). We’ve gone out to lunch. Many of the things any couple would do together we’ve done. We also cuddle a great deal.

I’m expected to always respect him. Complaints given in a whine will be reprimanded. But complaints given calmly will be considered. I appreciate that he doesn’t act like being a Dom means he’s perfect. He is pretty damn wonderful, but he’s human and makes mistakes. He and I do our best to be patient with each other’s mistakes and move onward and upward. I appreciate that he doesn’t hold me to an impossible standard, but he does expect good things from me – which in turn I strive to give him.

While the transition to being his submissive (rather than just a submissive playmate) has been bumpy at times, I think I’m much happier and a better person for it. I feel fortunate to have a terrific Dom. Together we’ve managed to lose a lot of weight, have fun times and weather a few storms.