Last night we attended a kink party run by a Master whose parties we’ve been to a few times. MasterDoc has been providing his sybian in exchange for our entrance to the party. While it’s wonderful having the sybian there sometimes it’s a drag because MasterDoc gets asked to run the machine, rather than spending time playing with me. I love watching women on the sybian, so a certain amount of this is just fine and dandy, but it’s hard to feel ignored for an extended period of time. Luckily MasterDoc checks in with me and he made sure that I wasn’t left to my own devices too long. Part of the issue I’m sure is my shyness. If I was more outgoing and would go chat with people then maybe I wouldn’t feel so lonely when he doesn’t have his attention on me.
MasterDoc dropped me off with the sybian and our toys so he could park the car without having to lug the sybian far. I went with the organizer and set up the sybian, then I opted to stay in that back room by myself because I was feeling especially shy – and I had gotten into subspace pretty quickly. I wore my collar and sat patiently waiting for MasterDoc. With my leather waist cincher on I sat up straight with my hands demurely in my lap. A couple of men spoke to me a little, but for the most part I was on my own.
While I was sitting there, I realized that part of submission for me is to let go and be taken care of. I felt really like I needed MasterDoc there for me to function well. It’s not an easy way to feel – I felt helpless. But there’s something about dropping my defenses so totally and letting him be in charge that is soothing. I love when he takes care of me. Thankfully my neediness last night didn’t seem to annoy him – I realize that sometimes neediness can be overwhelming and can hamper the enjoyment of the night. But he seemed to be firmly in “take care of Nadia” mode himself, so it worked out well.
There was an adult baby there, and MasterDoc saw this as somewhat sexy for the first time. While being a baby is not my thing, I have to admit that where I didn’t understand age play at all until about a year ago I now realize that it would be lovely to be a little girl for a while. To be nurtured by the loving adult (my Dom). To be guided by him. I felt adrift for much of my childhood, and so it’s not surprising that getting that sort of attention as an adult would seem appealing to me. I often couldn’t rely on my mother – emotionally mainly – and being able to truly trust and rely on someone just sounds super special. If you think like I previously did, please know that age play is not at all about playing with actual children. It’s about being able to be in a head-space where one of you regresses for a while and the other is the nurturer (or disciplinarian, whatever you agree upon). You’re both always consenting adults and this is key. It’s a form of role play, and I think we all know that it can be hot or fun or comforting to play a role that we don’t live in real life. (Think of someone who’s straitlaced in real life getting to role play a raunchy prostitute. She doesn’t become a prostitute, but she gets to enjoy, for while, being wanton like she envisions a prostitute to be.)
While I waited for MasterDoc at the beginning of the evening, I chuckled at myself when I realized what a stereotype I am – I’ m a mild mannered librarian by day and a sexual freak at night. At a kink party you see people as these sexual, exciting, kinky people, and you forget that during their day to day lives they’re probably as ordinary as everyone else. During the slave auction, a submissive male who is a doctor in real life was being auctioned off. (Not to mention MasterDoc being on the other end of the D/s spectrum and a doctor as well.) Being a kinkster is just part of a whole, but it’s such a relief when you can express that part and integrate it with the rest of you. Keeping it totally hidden is so hard.
When MasterDoc got there, he found me and we cuddled a bit. I told him how I was feeling exceptionally shy and he had me suck his cock since he knew that would make me feel better. Ha ha. It actually did as it got me out of my head full of worries and into doing something hot. This didn’t last long unfortunately as he needed to use the bathroom, but it was a nice interlude all the same.
Our friend V. was there with a friend of hers. She doesn’t have any marks from the beating MasterDoc gave her on Monday, but my ass is still pretty bruised from him giving me a similar beating on Tuesday night. It was good to see her. Her friend seems nice enough but the poor guy is going through a rough marriage breakup, so he’s dealing with a whole lot of unpleasant emotions right now.
I was clutching to MasterDoc’s arm while we all talked. I was a bit off to the side so I missed bits of the conversation, which I was kind of thankful for when some sort of evil idea was suggested to MasterDoc and he ultimately decided not to do it to me. (“I don’t know what you were thinking and I don’t think I want to know!”) MasterDoc got out the Gigi vibe and made me spread my legs. Very few people were playing so early in the evening, and we were in a somewhat well lit area. My shyness and nerves impeded progress a little, but ultimately I shut my eyes and let him get me worked up with the vibe. I actually spoke up to let him know that I wanted him to hold it more firmly against my clit. He made me come in front of so many people, telling me I’m a good girl the whole time. It was lovely.
MasterDoc had had me pack a bondage outfit I dreamed up a while ago. I was excited that we were going to finally use it, but alas we didn’t around to it. The idea is for me to be in my waist cincher, the behind the back restraints, gagged, Njoy butt plug up my butt and nipple clamps on my nipples. I’m keeping up hope we’ll use it sometime soon.
I can’t really complain though. I got to see a very sexy Bosnian woman take a sybian ride. It’s fascinating how much I can get aroused and enjoy the sybian ride vicariously. I totally had the hots for this woman, but she’s a submissive to the party organizer, and while very friendly she mostly stayed with her sister subs. I felt bad for her, as her Dom likes lengthy orgasm control – so she got a sybian ride but was not allowed to come for a very long time. I am so lucky that MasterDoc is not into any sort of long term orgasm control.
After her ride, things broke up around us a bit, and MasterDoc checked in on me. While during her ride I was perfectly happy watching, after I started feeling sad that the organizer was lining up more of his women for rides – when we walked into the back room initially the intention had been to give me a ride. MasterDoc acknowledged that this can be hard, and since everyone else was busy elsewhere, he gave me my ride then. Before long I was screaming in orgasm and humping the machine. I flailed around, grabbing onto MasterDoc and the chair he was sitting on. I could feel him laughing a bit as I totally lost control. I buried my face into his chest and thrashed around. It feels so good that I want it to last forever, but it’s also physically taxing so I eventually feel like I can’t take any more.
I lay down on the mat beside the sybian after, and MasterDoc gave me some wonderful aftercare and cuddles. I rested for what seemed like a good long while.
After I got up, another lady came for a sybian ride – this one being one of the sub sisters of the woman I had the hots for. The woman I had the hots for asked if she could hold her sister while on the sybian while MasterDoc ran the sybian from off to the side. He of course agreed to this (one of the things I love about him is that he puts the comfort and pleasure of the women above whatever hankering he may have for having a sexy woman grab on to him). That sybian ride turned into one of the hottest things I have ever seen. The sister starts suckling on sexy woman’s full breasts, and after a bit works her way down to going down on her – while still getting a sybian ride. Fucking hell! I had a ringside seat to tremendous hotness. I craved joining in, but of course not knowing either of the women I didn’t just jump in. I eventually got over my shyness and asked the sexy woman if I she would mind if I played with her tits. She replied, “No, not at all.” Rowr. I tugged on her nipples, sucked the nearest one and did my best to add to the pleasure of this curvy woman.
It was damn hot.
When MasterDoc got asked to give another ride, I realized that with V. there I could go visit with her rather than feeling neglected or bored. I asked permission to go find her and of course it was granted. She was being flogged by her friend when I found her, so I sat nearby and watched until they were finished. (Their play came to a close when nearby a submissive male allegedly touched a Domme’s ass without asking and she went ballistic on him. And as a feminist I think it’s damn wonderful that there are dominant women who will put out of line men in their place. She was firm, she was clear and I bet he would think thrice before doing anything like that again. Permission guys. You need to get permission.)
I hung out with V. for a few minutes and MasterDoc appeared after the sybian ride. It was getting late and while I loved my time being around perverts, it was time to head home. We packed up our stuff and I waited outside with the toys until MasterDoc brought the car around.
I went home a really happy camper. Oh sure I felt disappointment at not having been bound in the behind the back restraints and led around the party. But I had had such a good time that I didn’t want to mention this and make MasterDoc think I was in any way unhappy. We got to bed around 4 a.m. and slept til noon.
Life is good.
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