The Lesbian Sheep Dance

So as I’ve quite openly mentioned on my twitter feed, I just visited Seattle for a few days. I’d never been to the Pacific Northwest before. I always had the impression I’d like it and I really enjoyed my short time there. Seattle is clean, the people are polite and it’s just generally a nice place to be. The weather was changeable and I’ve said it reminds me of weather in England. However, I’m told that the weather the past few days has been more changeable than usual.

I consumed a lot of coffee because it seems like the thing to do out there and it helped me deal with jet lag. I’m going to have a hard time getting back on New York time tonight. I stayed with my friend Liz, who used to be MasterDoc’s roomate. It’s been great seeing her again, and she also has a positively adorable, sweet dog. Seriously, I think I’d like to  come out just to visit the dog. She and her husband were great hosts and I’m thankful to have them to stay with – not only for the companionship and visiting but also because I saved a shit ton of money not staying in a hotel.

I got to meet fellow blogger Coy Pink, who was a big part of my decision to visit Seattle. We’ve been friendly online for a while and she just seemed so nice (and hot – have you seen her pictures?) She also offered that her husband Alec, a photographer, could take pictures of me – sexy pics for the blog that also have the advantage of being photographed by someone who really knows the art of photography – not just me and my friends and a point and shoot camera which is my usual.

On Thursday Coy Pink and her daughters showed me around the city a bit. Her daughters are adorable and very bright. That night she and I had dinner together, and we could finally talk about grown up, sex blogger things. I spent Friday exploring the city alone, and in the afternoon I met up with Twisted Monk briefly for coffee and to see his rope factory. (It’s small, smaller than you would envision for a company that’s noted in the kink community.) While I had met him before, we hadn’t really had time to chat and get to know each other. It was a pleasure to hang out with him. He talked a little about how he lost a lot of his life (family, etc.) when outed as kinky, and he didn’t intend to become a bondage rope manufacturer. That said, he seems fairly happy with what he does. But I always hate hearing these cautionary tales of kinksters who had their lives wrecked when the wrong people found out about their personal life. Where’s the vaunted American ideal of “freedom”? If someone wants to be a crazy creationist christian fundamentalist, I don’t think they should be harassed for their beliefs (as long as they don’t try to impose them on others) – so why the hell can’t non-kinky people just accept that some of us are kinky? American puritanism drives me bonkers.

Friday night I drove out to see Coy Pink in her suburban home. I had dinner with her family and made friends with her older daughter. Since my life is so different, not having kids, a house  or a husband of my own, I felt a bit of envy at her domestic happiness and stability. I think we all want what we don’t have. I’m fairly happy with my life but you sometimes ask yourself, “What if I had done things differently?” Although when I ask myself that, I remind myself that there’s been no boyfriend in the past who I wanted to settle down and have kids with. Not really. I thought I did with the first boyfriend but I’m lucky to have gotten out of that relationship before marriage could happen.

Once the girls were in bed, we went downstairs to Alec’s (Coy Pink’s husband) photo studio. I can’t wait to see the pictures, Coy Pink has a couple of her and I up on her blog. There were photos taken including my face, for my own personal use/enjoyment, and faceless shots that I hope to use here. It’s funny how I felt like I should be modest somehow in front of them, but then I realized this was some sort of strange false modesty and I should just enjoy taking half naked photos.

Now, did I mention before that I think Coy Pink is hot? Yes, she is. And as usual I’m an idiot who did the lesbian sheep dance, which I always manage to do. I suppose I should tell you all what the lesbian sheep dance is….

There’s been a lot of research into homosexual sheep, because there’s many male homosexual sheep and it’s an issue for sheep breeders. They can’t get the gay sheep to mate with the women sheep of course. Now in the process of this research they noticed they didn’t come across any lesbian sheep. Do they not exist?

Eventually the researchers realized something – when female sheep want to signal readiness and interest in sex, they stand very, very still. And if you have two female sheep interested in sex with each other? They will both stand very, very still. And of course then nothing happens. This is what happens with me (and other women) when dating women. We both hope the other will make the first move, and ultimately nothing happens because we both stand around waiting for the other one to make the first move.

My friend V. created the phrase “lesbian sheep dance” to describe this state of excessive passivity (and YES, I know that this issue is NOT unique to lesbians)  and I am the self-declared queen of it. Coy is awfully cute and sexy, making out with her (or more) would have been fantastic. But I felt awkward trying to be flirty with her husband around, and of course doubted that she had any interest in me in that way. I tweeted about being the queen of the lesbian sheep dance after I had told her they story of the term that night. She replied, “Well, if you’re the queen of the dance, I’m the princess. ” Oh my. I was determined to hit on her Saturday night (my final night in town) but we were all out in a group – myself, Coy, her husband Alec, Butchtastic Kyle, Roxy, Scarlet Lotus and Onyx. I had met Kyle and Roxy briefly at the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar party in November, but hadn’t met Scarlet and Onyx. I have to say I like them even more in person than online. We ate, drank and made merry – including a trip to a sex store afterward. We ate next door to the Seattle Babeland, but they were closed by the time we finished with dinner. Down the street there was another store though and we all went and browsed. Onyx found some wonderful t-shirts that say things like, “I like to get drunk and fuck people.” or “I cleaned out my ass for this?” There were humongous dildoes and butt plugs. Coy found some sexy clothing on sale. Hopefully these articles will appear in future photos her husband takes of her.

Hanging out in a sex shop with a bunch of perverts who blog about sex was fantastically fun. I only wish I could do it again sometime soon. It’s frustrating when you find people who you enjoy spending time with but they live on the other side of the country (especially when you live in such a large country as the United States).

So I’m afraid I don’t have any hot sex stories to share with you. The night before I left MasterDoc did make me come by simply sucking on my finger – very hot but the rest of the night is now a faded memory.