This morning I accidentally posted my brief notes for this blog entry. Hitting “publish” instead of “save draft” resulted in a peek into my creative process. I take notes after events so I have something to remind me of just what went on, so that when I have time, I can flesh things out. Oh well, slip of the mouse.
After yesterday morning’s stressful show, MasterDoc also had possibly lined up a woman who’s local to him who plays with needles. I’ve been keen to try out needle play, you may recall my experience at Floating World. Thankfully, from what I’ve heard this woman is into the design side of piercing and not the “be mean and hurt the fuck out of the sub” side.
Unfortunately, that fell through. We’re supposed to meet her for coffee tomorrow night.
Since I had had countless orgasms earlier in the day, MasterDoc decided that he was going to come. (In the great variations of human sexual response, MasterDoc is one of those men who has trouble coming with a condom on. He’s only come during sex with me maybe once. We get him off via hands.) He put on some hot Japanese porn featuring the ever-popular (in Japanese porn) theme of non-consent. I have to say, while I sometimes worry about non-consent themed porn (Was it really non-consensual? I want it to just be pretend non-consensual.) I do find the idea hot. I liked thinking about putting up a struggle, and then being bound tightly and made to come over and over. I loved the porn and it helped me get into making him feel good. I focused on his reactions as I massaged his thighs and butt. I slowly worked my finger up his asshole. I ran my finger around his anal opening, putting light pressure along all sides of it. I tried to reach for his prostate in the front. I felt very turned on from doing this. When he came he instructed me to remove my finger ever-so-slowly and to press towards the front as I did. He is good at getting really specific about what he likes, and I am well-trained at this point in making him feel good. (But feedback is always useful.)
I was feeling horny after all this. I mentioned this and he gave me permission to masturbate. Hooray! I played with my bullet vibe on my clit and fantasized about physically struggling and being overcome sexually. MasterDoc came over after a very short while and helped by talking dirty to me, holding my legs apart (his forearm acted like a spreader bar between my thighs) and fingering me. I love being fingered, and lately he teases me so much. He ever so slowly touches around my hole. By the time he inserts a finger I’m desperate for it. I was allowed to come at will, and I had a gushing orgasm. I frantically humped his hand as I pressed the vibe to my clit and came.
Checked while traveling and low and behold…a new post from you. YEAH! Haha. Ok, now..like you I struggle with the concept that I get turned on, fantastically so, by the idea of being restrained, bound, and forced to participate in something sexual and it being rather non-consensual. And if it has more than a hint of humiliation play or sadism, I get off even more. But the truth is that for me, I would never in real life want anything that was truly non-consensual. Having been a victim of sexual abuse long ago, as you were also if I remember right,(pardon me if I am not remembering correctly about that) we more than most understand the difference between with consent and without consent. And yet, I still fantasize about being used, forced, taken without regard to my wishes or desires. I have never understood that and still do not. I would NEVER want that in real life and would fight tooth and nail against it. Within fantasy, it is hot for me. When playing with my Sir, with writing erotica, I often use that idea, that theme but always have at least something in the storyline to where it is understood that the “victim” understands what is about to happen and consents to it or to accept whatever happens consensually. I will probably never understand this desire and frankly I do not even care to try to anymore. I just accept it as part of my sexual makeup. You and I are not alone in this desire or thought process..I hear often from others that feel the same way.
Got to get back on the road again now…several more hundred miles to drive. Take care. Hugs. poppet.