MasterDoc pointed out recently that I have so much pleasure in my life, it’s strange that I get so depressed. And I have to agree with this statement. I think it’s further proof that depression is chemical – despite the hot sex and orgasms I still find things to dwell on and be dark about. But when I’m in the midst of fucking or coming – I am happy as a clam.
On Monday, Shane came over to my place. I hadn’t seen him since before my surgery a couple of weeks ago. He’s a very horny guy (ha! I say that as if I’m not a very horny girl!) and the form our usual dates take include food, sex, blow jobs and perhaps watching a movie. The order varies somewhat from date to date, but that’s ultimately what we do with each other. He’s extremely fond of getting blow jobs – I realize that pretty much all men are, but somehow he seems even more into it than most – and he had me suck his cock, but suggested I use a toy on myself at the same time. I got my trusty bullet vibe out and sat on the sofa with my legs spread, ass at the edge of the seat, as I sucked his cock and rubbed my clit with the buzzing vibe. When I came, I had to stop what I was doing for a moment as my body was wracked with shudders and twitches.
He found it difficult to stand up, so we switched positions – him sitting on the sofa and me on my knees on the floor. The front of my thighs tensed as I held myself up and kept the vibe between my legs. I came some more but interestingly enough it’s not as hard as I come after I’ve had to hold off coming. I kept working Shane’s cock over with my mouth, eager to make him come. I’ve found that I can’t get him quite over the edge – he always has to step in with his own hands. But he came, shooting come all over the side of my face, and he was happy.
We watched a movie and hung out for a while. After the movie he looked at me and I gave him that shy look of wanting to fool around. He’s realized that it’s hard for me to verbalize what I want, so he told me that was exactly what he wanted me to do. I grew shyer, and he commented on how strangely shy I can be. I’m not shy about writing about sex, or about doing it, but when it comes to speaking about it I have always had a hard time. But, I was horny and I did manage to say, “I want to have sex with you.” He was hoping more for, “Please fuck me,” so I threw that in afterwards.
We went to the bedroom and he fucked me for a while, my vaginal muscles squeezing his cock as I came. I was in animalistic mode and I thrust my hips up at him as much as I could and rocked my body so that I kept moving on his cock. I was non-verbal again, but this time I grunted and moaned. Poor guy had a surprise a few times when my muscles clamped down really hard just as he pulled back and so when he went to put his cock back inside me it was like it hit a wall. We changed positions at some point – it’s a bit of a blur now. As we fucked and I came hard repeatedly, he would wince or say “ow!” now and then as my vagina of steel clenched his cock. We fucked hard and long. My steel vagina prevented him from being able to come, although condoms cause that problem for him as well. As usual, I helped him finish off afterwards as I stroked his body and played with his cock and pelvic area. I did my best to dirty talk a little by telling him I wanted him to come for me. He came again, another large load, this time on his tummy.
But of course depression, and all other mental disorders, are chemical and not environment most times. Even if environment adds to it, its still chemical. It gets to me when people say “your life isn’t that bad, you don’t have anything to be depressed about”. I have eaten my most favorites foods in my favorite restaraunt wth everything else going right, and not enjoyed it as much i might have before just because of the current chemical imbalance.
I guess it just hits a nerve when people make comments that come off sounding like one should just “snap out of it” or have no reason to feel the strangeness of mental disorders.
Thankfully, MasterDoc does fully understand that it’s chemical and not something I can easily control. Luckily he’s found that giving me orgasms and/or beating me helps my mood a great deal – the endorphins work wonders.
Yea i agree, its a chemical thing
and wow, you must have same damn impressive vaginal muscles if you can make him say “ow” when you fuck! Thats incredible!
It truly astounds me that someone so highly educated who lives and breathes words, as it is (lol), has difficulty speaking them when it comes to those deliciously naughty, filthy verbal delights. Hon, stand in front of the mirror for me, start saying the dirtiest most disgusting things you can come up with while looking at your reflection. Practice it, then move on to telling those things to MasterDoc. You have it within you since you can write then and I know you think them. You are an incredible woman, don’t get shy over a few little letters of the alphabet. Big hugs.
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