Monthly Archive for October, 2009

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Therapeutic Beating Works Again

While sleep helped my mood, I did start sinking back into depression after a few hours. I had my pre-operation appointment at the hospital, and MasterDoc saw DeeDee off while I was out. He did some food shopping and when he got home we talked a bit more about my depression. (I was at least more verbal that day.) The super of his building was repairing something in the apartment, so we had to hold off on doing anything kinky. But once we were truly alone, it was time for my therapeutic beating.

He got out the canes, the crop, the “slut” paddle and the clover clamps. He had me put my collar on and get on my knees on the bed. I hugged my new Liberator Axis (review coming soon!) as he went to town on my ass. He made two hard smacks – one on each cheek – with the slut paddle to start. He says that the imprint didn’t come out well on my ass, but he thinks it’s something that would work on some people, but not others. He’ll look up the medical reason at a later date. He caned me, spanked me with his hands. He hit pretty hard and I took it well. He had me look up at him at one point and look in his eyes as he hit me. It was very hot although it was hard to crane my neck to look up and behind me.

After the beating, I felt much better. Not 100% – I could still feel the depression lingering in the back of my psyche. But I wasn’t paralyzed by depression any more. We hung out, he got me to exercise despite my desperately not feeling like doing it. I showered and we hung out some more. I wanted to have an orgasm, but MasterDoc wasn’t feeling like fooling around just then. He told me I could masturbate and I jumped at that prospect. While having him be a part of things adds to the experience, a solo orgasm is quite good as well. When I asked him to let me use the magic wand he hesitated, but when he asked if I used it every time to masturbate (I rarely use it, actually) he granted permission. I ran off to the bedroom and shut the door so I wouldn’t interrupt his football game.

I took my time, working up to an orgasm. I held off like I would if he were with me. I fantasized about MasterDoc although I’m not sure now what I fantasized about exactly. I think being bound up so that I’m helpless. I started to come and was noisy as usual. As I was in the midst of orgasm and my brain was all fuzzy, he came in, climbed onto the bed next to me, and started to caress my body. Good lord, I came harder. I wrung every last orgasm I could out of my body. After, I cuddled with him and was so happy he had joined me. Just having him there touching me adds to the orgasms.

Between the beating and the orgasms, I felt much, much better. I was in a pretty good mood today with no trace of the immobilizing depression. MasterDoc’s miracle cure works again! (Someone on twitter sent me this link after my announcement that a beating worked again to improve my mood.)

Revelation

For all my talk about what a sexually liberated woman I am, I have a sexual issue. I have been in denial about this issue, but now I feel like I can’t deny it any more. While I’m totally hot for women – I can’t make the first move. It’s a little like the people who have to be “forced bi” – the reality is they’re into the same sex but they have to feel like someone else has responsibility for what they do that’s homosexual. I at least get as far as knowing I want to have sex with women – that I’m not really being forced, I’m doing something I totally want to do. But I wonder if some of my hesitancy to initiate is that cannot admit to myself enough that I want to do it. This seems a little silly since I am quite happy and comfortable being bisexual. But I wonder if deep down there’s some sort of societal shame at play. Or maybe it’s just that sex is so much hotter for me when I’m Dommed. Now this hesitancy isn’t true 24/7 – sometimes I manage to get it on with women, but by and large it has to be in a party setting, a D/s setting, etc. I’m petrified at making the first move. Truly petrified in the sense of being unable to move. It’s damn frustrating.

I realized this because on Sunday evening DeeDee visited, and she had decided on her way up to New York that she was curious to really get it on with a woman, and since she likes me and we are comfortable with each other that she’d like to do it with me. (We have had some fooling around in the recent past, but I suppose not so much just girl-on-girl action but rather a threesome thing.) But when we got down to it, I froze. DeeDee, who is totally new at this, had to make the first moves and even then I kinda froze. It was weird and annoying.

MasterDoc eventually had me set things up in the living room – condoms, lube, toys, etc. when it became apparent that the “lesbian floorshow” as he was calling it wasn’t going to happen. As I was setting up the sybian for DeeDee’s promised ride after, he asked me to turn the light off so they could see the porn on the computer better. I grew annoyed, feeling like he was suddenly ignoring me because his focus was on cuddling DeeDee and watching the porn, totally not noticing that I needed the light on while I struggled with the sybian attachment. I snapped a little, and it was certainly awkward. MasterDoc reassured me that his plans were to fuck me and the two of them to work me over until I came a bunch of times, we just hadn’t gotten to that yet. Yet again he ended up talking to me (later, alone) about how I should learn to express how I feel before I get to the breaking point. I have such a hard time with it though. But I keep on working on it.

I lay on the mat on the living room floor, and MasterDoc handed me the magic wand. I used it on my clit as he and DeeDee played with my nipples and the rest of my body. As usual the wand makes me go from zero to 60 in something like six seconds. But he told me to take my time – don’t get myself too worked up right away. And so I played with the wand and ached to come. When I was clearly totally and completely hot and bothered, he fucked me from behind. DeeDee took the wand at his suggestion and used it on my clit – she had a bit of a hard time finding it so I placed the wand and eventually held it there.

Being fucked by a nice, large cock (attached to the Dom I love) and feeling the vibrations of the wand at the same time is stellar. He let me come and Jebus did I come hard. I think your average, sex-anxious, not sexually knowledgeable person would be quite shocked to learn just how hard a woman can orgasm. I orgasm harder with MasterDoc than even before – and I’ve always been able to come well, hard and often.

DeeDee got the attention next, and I sat down with a front row seat and watched MasterDoc give her a sybian ride. (By the way, I was out during the afternoon for a few hours and they had gotten freaky during that time, so DeeDee was not going home with just a sybian ride, although I suppose “just” isn’t a word people use for a sybian ride.) It is amazing to watch a woman come on the sybian. It turns her into a jellied mess, and her arms awkwardly reach out to grab onto MasterDoc as she groans and bucks her hips on the machine. Her head becomes buried in his chest one moment, and is leaning on his shoulder the next. She was pretty loud, and MasterDoc had me grab the new gag I have to use on her. She was probably only on it for about 5 minutes or so, but she said after that it felt like a half hour. Thus is the power of the almighty sybian. I said to her after, you know it’s a good orgasm when you feel satisfied just watching it.

It was a fun night, and MasterDoc certainly left us both sated. Unfortunately I dwelled on my little outburst earlier and got quite depressed. It wasn’t a rational depression but part of my dealings with clinical depression. I became suicidal and dwelled on the idea of hurting myself, or killing myself, or hoping that I die in an anaesthesia incident during my surgery next week.  I ruminated on “everything” being my fault – within my family growing up, when things are less than perfect with MasterDoc. It was not pretty. I was numb, dwelling and playing a computer game when MasterDoc convinced me to go tuck him in. I opted to go to bed then, and I got some cuddles from him. I cried myself to sleep but thankfully felt a little better the next morning. The depression came back, but we talked, cuddled and he gave me a lovely beating.

To be continued…

First Night at the Club in a Long Time

MasterDoc and I had a wonderful time at a swing club on Saturday night. We hadn’t been to one in quite a while, and that night was a special bdsm/swing party going on – totally up our alley.

When we got to the club, there were some couples already hanging about. We walked around, checking out how they’ve changed the decor, and commenting on how they made the club look better with decorations, but they still have the same crappy beds. As we stood in the central area, I started feeling some of the social anxiety that hits me at times. I let MasterDoc know that I was feeling anxious. He promptly took me to one of the private rooms so I could cuddle him and feel better. I couldn’t wait to wear my collar – it helps with anxiety because I focus on being sub with the collar on. I start to ignore my surroundings and focus on being an obedient submissive. As we started to fool around, I kept wavering between self-consciousness and being absorbed in sex. I realized that the whole “I-feel-more-secure-naked-than-with-my-clothes-on” stems from where my focus is. When I’m being beaten, or I’m having sex, or giving a blow job, my focus is on that act and how it feels to me and my partner, and so I cease being anxious about the other people around me. MasterDoc went down on me and I mostly kept my eyes closed so that I could focus on the sensation of him toying with my clit. A lady ducked her head in, and at first seemed shocked that she interrupted us, but quickly she took a seat so she could watch. He had me suck his cock, and again, I loved being absorbed in it. My collar was on by this time, and I was blissfully in slut mode.

MasterDoc fucked me from behind – HARD. By this time my getting into submissive-slut headspace was complete. I yearned to come, and yet deep down I like the tease. It feels wonderful but eventually you need to have a release. I came extremely hard and he thrust his cock inside me. When my muscles pushed his cock out he kept me coming with his hands. I was squirting over and over again as I sank into the bed. The sheets were completely soaked. I lay there for a while, catching my breath.

We went to tell the owner that the bed needed new sheets (we took the wet ones and tossed them in the laundry basket). Thankfully, MasterDoc did not make me tell the owner what had happened. I suppose I shouldn’t be embarrassed by squirting, but it can be a bit daunting to proclaim you’ve made a mess, no matter how you’ve made it.

After we informed the owner, we ended up talking with couple who want to be dubbed Sid and Nancy who were visiting New York from Saskatchewan (Canada, in case you didn’t know).  They were a very nice looking couple and the husband had a very funny sense of dry humor. We sat talking with them, and they asked us lots of questions about bdsm. Explaining the ins and outs of our relationship really piqued the interest of the wife, Nancy, but they both seemed a bit put off when we explained the whole polyamory thing. “Yes, we both sleep with other people. Yes, we sleep with each other.” Overall they were really nice to talk to and hang out with and I didn’t mind their questions. Often, MasterDoc likes to threaten to command me to have sex with some really fugly guy – but when I met this couple I was hoping he’d “make” me have sex with them. (Hee hee as in, damn they were cute. Please, please make me.) But while this couple is exploring their sexuality and having experiences they don’t swap with others.

We showed them some of the toys we had brought with us. I have a new paddle that imprints the word “slut” on you (most of the time). I showed them the imprint on the inside of my arm (I hit myself so hard that I have a bruise. Happy to say you can’t read any letters though.) Nancy was really curious about my collar and she wanted to put it on. I let her and she wore it for quite a while. Since it was clear she was interested in bdsm, MasterDoc start doing his Dom thing. It’s  fantastic to watch. He knows that there’s way more to being a Dom than ordering people about and hitting them. He takes his time getting eye contact with the submissive and developing a sense of trust and connection; gently touching her face, being calming. I love watching him do it, he’s so good at it!

Nancy was up for a spanking, so we adjourned to the bdsm room. MasterDoc spanked her, and her husband (Sid) took a turn and clearly he had done it before. He tried the little flogger and gave Sid some lessons on it. (He needs practice with the flogger {raises hand to volunteer!}, but he was very comfortable with the paddle.) MasterDoc had me get the Acuvibe Mini out and he used it on her clit while hubby spanked her. She sat up on the spanking bench to grind her cunt into the vibe. It was extremely hot to watch!

After the spanking, Sid and Nancy went back to the smoking area to have cigarettes. We talked some more, laughing a lot. When Nancy found out I’m bi she seemed quite interested. As I got up to get ready to leave, she came over and told me that apparently nipple color is supposed to match the color of your gums and she took my breasts out of my low-cut top to take a look. I reciprocated, so she’d know that the interest was mutual. We exchanged contact information with this couple (they come to New York a few times a year) and gave them this blog address. Hopefully we will keep in touch with them. I’m always quite happy to explain things about living an open, sex-positive, slutty, kinky life to newbies – I have such an amazing time with my life that I’m fanatical about sharing it.

“Did I hurt you?”

While MasterDoc has been back from his month of travels since Tuesday evening, we didn’t get up to our usual play until Wednesday night. He was understandably tired from traveling on Tuesday! I was just happy to hug him and be with him.

He was distracted by the Yankee game for parts of the night, but he told me to pick some porn for us to watch. I remembered that I had a couple of free bdsm porn sites saved in my bookmarks that I had yet to try out. Unfortunately both sites have really short clips (with a few exceptions they seem to only tout on their front pages). It was a bummer despite there being such a wonderful list of kinky categories on each. (Site One) (Site Two) So I turned to my usual site of TNAFlix and scoured the pages for something kinky. At first I put on porn that was pretty much exclusively women being tied up and gagged and then struggling in their bonds. Yes, that was hot. (I can’t find the link to it and I’m getting distracted by porn.  Back to writing! There will be time for self-abuse after.)

MasterDoc had me get on my knees and suck his cock while he watched the porn. Hearing, “You suck a mean cock,” was but one highlight out of many last night. I sucked and licked. I spit a little on his cock when he told me to wet it more. He had me stick my tongue out and he’d rub his cock head all over my tongue. I licked it whenever it came close to my mouth. I like when he rubs it on my face and I get wet with saliva. I feel like such a dirty girl then.

When he had had enough cock sucking for the moment, he had me lay over the curved side of the Liberator Scoop on the living room floor. He had previously had me get the three canes and the riding crop, and of course I had my collar on by this time. He warmed me up with the crop and his hands, and moved on to the gentlest (relatively speaking) cane. My pain tolerance was pretty good last night, and I could feel the sharp lines of the cane as it reddened my ass. I wished I had a mirror to see the stripes forming. I could tell by the intensity that he had switched canes at some point. I surprised myself in being able to mostly handle the next thickest one. It hurt, make no mistake, but he would give me ample time to breathe and relax in between rounds of pain. He ran his hands along my tensed calves and thighs until I relaxed, and then he’d start again. I could tell I was getting very wet through all this.

He took a break, and I was allowed to go sit on the sofa. The sofa cover felt rough on my tender ass. I watched the bondage/struggling porn and marveled at how turned on I get over things that are not directly, explicitly sexual. I loved imagining that I was that woman, bound, helpless, gagged, struggling. Phew! Gets me hot. I slid my hand between my legs and found that I was extremely wet from the caning. I started stroking myself, wet noises emanating. MasterDoc had gone back to watching the baseball game and I wondered when he’d hear the wet noises and discover what I was doing. It took a few minutes but he did, and he grabbed the cane to give my inner thighs a good smack.
The bondage porn started to get a little dull, so he had me find another clip to watch. And lo and behold, I discovered THE clip. What I mean by THE clip is that there was a photo set on Sex and Submission way back shortly after we met that we both found independently and had thought it was really hot. (I can’t seem to find the post using the search function on my blog. Phooey.) There’s been a running joke ever since as in the final shot the naughty school girl has a paper with an A+ stuck to her. MasterDoc has always said that he would have only given her an A- at most. lol So “A-” has become one of his usual lines. And finally, two years later we stumbled upon the clip the photo set was taken from. Rowr.

We didn’t make it through the whole clip last night, we will have to get back to it later. It was pretty damn hot though. He sent me into the bedroom and told me to play with myself, but not to watch the porn. I did so but it became hard to keep up the sexy thoughts after a few minutes. He came in, bringing a cane and the crop. He started to cane the insides of my thighs while I masturbated and the porn started. The pain was distracting but he ordered me to push through it, to be ready to come. I struggled as angry red stripes started to line my thighs.

Somehow pleasure and pain mingled and I did manage to focus well and get myself worked up. He told me to come, and I did. I came surprisingly hard as he continued to cane my thighs and then he crawled his way up my body while I continued to rub my clit and come. Having him pressed close to me made me come again. I typically keep coming until he tells me to stop – on rare occasions I have cried uncle from not being able to breathe.

While I recovered he lay nestled between my thighs, stroking and touching me from time to time. We looked at the crop stripes and he said, in the most innocent voice, “Did I hurt you?” as if he was amazed that lil’ ol’ him had done that. We laughed pretty hard.

We watched the porn some more and MasterDoc decided to fuck me. He had me get on all fours and he slid his big cock in. When he fucks me I luxuriate in the sensations since I’m not allowed to just come. I moan and try to hold back on coming while not holding back on feeling. I do hope my moans of frustration at wanting to come are a real turn on for him. He makes me positively ache to come.

I eventually broke down and asked, “Please Sir, may I come?” He had me hold off a little but when he did let me come my pussy muscles clamped right down and pushed his cock out. Damn. But he touched and slapped my cunt and the orgasm continued – I squirted a huge puddle, unfortunately missing the Liberator Throe. I came and came until I was totally breathless. I lay there after, trying to regain my wits. I love how he pushes me to the point where I can only gasp and come. I was so very satisfied after that. Wow. How I feel after a fucking like that gives new meaning to the word “afterglow.” I must be gleaming at that point!

We watched more porn and he wanted my help making him come. So I got a little lube and massaged and kneaded his ass while he jerked off. Between the kinky porn and watching him get close to orgasm, I was really aroused. I pressed and rubbed his ass and perineum. When he came, he instructed me to press harder on his asshole and so I did as he convulsed more and shot more come out of his cock. Then I started milking it out like he had taught me – rub along the mid-line from behind his balls, up through the length of his cock until the last drops of come are forced out.

I was a very happy camper after all this. I had so needed a beating and some good, hard fucking. I had reached a point where I felt sated (albeit with the capacity to continue on had it been asked of me!). I had missed MasterDoc so much. It was good to have him home.

HNT – Tits to Toes

A post with actual kinky sex will be written tonight. But for now…. Half Nekkid Thursday! (I slacked off posting one last week. Hope you enjoy.)

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Pleasurists #48

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Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #47? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #49? Submit it here before Sunday October 11th at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Editor’s Pick

  • Tantus Stroker by Undressed Reviews
  • I was really excited when this toy arrived. I really wanted to like it. Really badly. So badly that when I initially hated it, I just assumed that I was doing something wrong because Tantus and its Stroker were obviously above suspicion. On a mission to prove me and my stupid nerve endings wrong, I ask the internet about the Tantus Stroker.

Note: What makes this review is actually the accompanying visual aids, specifically the video of the awkward sound the stroker makes and the picture at the bottom of the review which I absolutely love. You must go see it!

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books

Adult Movies/Porn

Lingerie

Miscellaneous

Pleasurists adult product review round-up banner

Double Fuck Sunday

With MasterDoc away my kink life has slowed down considerably. But I haven’t exactly been sex-free. Despite back problems the past few days (Pinched nerve. Owie.) I did manage to get laid yesterday…. twice.

I had my first date with Shane in a while. We basically hang out, have sex and watch dvds. And you know, I’m a woman of simple tastes and this makes me perfectly happy. Despite being a little loopy and sleepy on vicodin for my back, it was easy to get me in the mood with just a few passionate kisses. I suggested we go into the bedroom as laying down would be easier on my back than sitting on the couch. We stripped our clothes off – there’s no pretensions of propriety here – and climbed in bed. He slid his hand between my legs almost immediately. He toyed with my clit and then bent over to lick my pussy. While I can sometimes have a hard time coming from oral these days, I came really hard and quite quickly. His hard cock was calling to me, so I leaned over while he still went down on me and I took his cock in my mouth.

I just love sucking cock when it’s so clearly appreciated. While I wasn’t bad to begin with, MasterDoc’s training me to his preferences has resulted in me being even better at fellatio. Next Shane fucked me from behind, and I came over and over and over again. Eventually he asked if I was exhausted yet, and I had to say, “Yes!” But in typical fashion I was going to take as much as I could and come as many times as possible before crying “uncle.” The vicodin must have relaxed my muscles a bit, because my cunt didn’t clamp down as hard as usual, despite my coming quite hard.

We lay down to relax briefly, and then I went back to sucking his cock. It would be quite rude, don’t you think, to leave him in that state after he had made me come, oh, about a million times? I sucked and stroked his cock with my hand. I’d look up at him seductively from time to time. I tried to keep up a fast pace with the mouth/hand combo but my mouth started to get tired. I hate that. So I switched to my hand and could tell he was getting close. I supported my wrist with my other hand and tried my damndest to keep going until he came. But my recently sprained wrist couldn’t hold out and I ended up stopping at precisely the wrong time. “You suck!” he cried out a few times. I apologized profusely as I hated to stop at such a critical moment, but I just couldn’t physically go on.

He took over with his hand and I lent my mouth for some more stimulation. I tweaked his nipples and stroked his inner thighs. When he was about to come, he lowered my face down to his cock so he could come on my face. He shot a large load of cum on my left cheek. I found some tissues and cleaned up. We lay there for a while, resting, until I got hungry enough to go get us the snacks I had picked up. We retired to the living room to eat, watch Family Guy and hang out.

Then, at home last evening, Davey gave me that look that says, “Let’s do it” and I could hardly say no when he probably knew/assumed that I had had sex with Shane. So he gave me a quick back rub which led into more stroking and caressing. He made me come and I kept stroking my clit even after. I asked him to fuck me, and he said I needed to suck him for a while first. I did and got him hard, and then he took me from behind as I used my bullet vibe on my clit. I came a bit, and managed to push his cock out, unfortunately. He fingered me to another orgasm, then went back to fucking me. He didn’t quite manage to come (thank you stupid vaginal muscles from hell!) but then he knelt and stroked his cock while I played with his ass, thighs, chest, etc. And eventually, he came.

I think this was the busiest day I’ve had in a while.  I was quite satisfied after, but I do miss my kink.

Review: P Style

Ok, this is not a sex toy. But as someone who is terrible, I mean terrible at squatting to pee I have wondered about contraptions like this for a long time. I dread public restrooms because if the seat is all wet, I’ll have to squat and most of the time that leads to pee running down my leg. Yeah. Gross. OR my option is to take a huge wad of toilet paper and clean up the mess the dirty bitch before me left behind (and then line seat with more tp and sit down). Either way it sucks.

The P Style is a sort of cup/funnel thing that enables you to pee standing up, even if you don’t have a penis. I was nervous to try it – would it spill? Did I get it in the right spot? But from the very first time I used it I’ve had no issues with spilling. Huzzah! You can use it with pants on. Something like this is sure to be useful for F-to-M transsexuals using public restrooms.

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I placed it between my legs, making sure the back end was past my urethra (a mirror and an anatomy book can help you find yours if you’re not sure where it resides) and… hesitated. But once I managed to relax the pee started flowing and it came out the spout and went into the toilet. I was able to control the cup while I used it to make sure everything made it into the toilet. (I wonder if I can write my name in the snow with it. Hmm.) When you’re done, the back end of the cup can be used to drag along your vulva to remove any remaining drops of urine – you don’t need toilet paper. Then you wash it with soap and water and pack it away for next time.

The one drawback I thought of is that it’s 7 1/2 inches long and rigid plastic – if you don’t carry a large purse or backpack or tote with you, I have no idea how you’d carry it. I haven’t used it out in public yet, just at home. It certainly won’t fit in the back pocket of your jeans.

That said, I think this simple, $12 gadget is super. While my back’s been out I’ve used it a couple of times instead of painfully lowering myself to sit on the toilet. There’s many possible uses for the P Style. While it’s not something to get me off, I’m quite glad that I asked Babeland to send it to me.

P.S. I just realized that it might come in handy for piss play if you’re into that. It would make it easier for a female-bodied person to direct the flow.

Sex with the Injured

It’s been a slow week in many ways. Keeping in the vein of  “Nadia has been having one malady after another” I threw my back out this week. *sigh* So while I did get a couple of nights with MasterDoc, they were not as kinky and exciting as one would have hoped. The first evening he was worn out from traveling all day and having jet lag. The next evening I was in so much pain that it looked like we weren’t going to do anything.

I did encourage him to have sex with me anyway. I figured it might help to get some endorphins running through my veins. So even though I was in so much lower back pain that I could barely lift my hips to place a pillow under my ass, we had sex. And the sex felt good. I wasn’t very wet since the pain had inhibited my arousal a little (so different from S &M related pain that increases my arousal) so his cock didn’t slide in quite as smoothly as one would have hoped, but I adjusted my mindset to enjoy that discomfort (it wasn’t pain) and soon was ready to orgasm.

While my back was still out after, I felt better in many ways. Next, he let me use the magic wand on myself, and he stroked his cock laying next to me. After getting permission I came – really freakin’ hard. That magic wand can make me come so hard it’s unbelievable. And as I moaned and tried to contain my cries of ecstacy as the vibrating wand did its magic, MasterDoc stroked his cock and I could tell by his breathing that he was getting more and more aroused. Eventually, we came at the same time, and he squirted come all over the side of my thigh. It was hot.

I’m still creeping around in pain somewhat. I keep stretching my hamstrings because that gives me the most relief – even if I have to gingerly bend over and then slowly straighten my legs to do so. I can’t wait to have a week – one week! – where I don’t do something to injure myself. I’m sorely in need of a good beating – or some other round of Dominant-inflicted pain – and I hope I’ll soon be well enough to get it!