Recently, I sent MasterDoc an email that said:
This is so wrong, and so dirty and so disgusting….http://www.tnaflix.com/view_video.php?viewkey=2047a9ec617acb9c34ce
And I just jerked off to it.
I was filled with embarrassment that I had been turned on and able to get off to this video. He wanted to share the video with DeeDee and I told him no, I wasn’t comfortable with that.
But now I’m sharing it with you all. (And DeeDee – Hi DeeDee!) It’s quite NSFW, as well as NOT everyone’s cup of tea or within everyone’s comfort level.
Some days I shock myself with the dirty, perverse things that turn me on. The good thing is that often, MasterDoc is turned on by them as well. He’s also told me some of his fantasies that are more extreme and I’ve found them to be quite hot (and many times things I hadn’t even thought of). We don’t click on every single thing, but we click often enough. My turn-ons have expanded a great deal since meeting MasterDoc. Anyway, MasterDoc shared with me the next time I saw him that he had done that – pissed in a woman’s ass with a funnel, and that he was into it. Oh dear. So I’m faced with something that I feel conflicted about. I feel royally turned on and quite embarrassed at the same time. Perhaps part of the being turned on is due to the being embarrassed?
Now, not all the fucked up things MasterDoc comes up with are truly things he wants to do. A couple of people were disgusted and concerned about the Vienna sausage tale I wrote about last weekend. Please know that, like many things, he enjoys the mind fuck of threatening that story. He’s not into it, and doesn’t actually want to do it. But the mind fuck is part of BDSM play. He’s awfully good at mind fuck – it’s hard to tell when he’s teasing and when he’s serious. Luckily, others seemed to get that that story was funny. It was teasing. It was humorous.
Relax people. Not all dirty fantasies are shared with the idea of actually living them out.
Some people would be uncomfortable with my choices, but I want to point out that they are mine to make. What gets me hot doesn’t agree with everyone. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t pursue my happiness. Is it twisted to get turned on by embarrassment? Perhaps. But fuck it, it works for me. I consent to MasterDoc playing games with my head. I’ve grown to trust him well enough to know that if it were really causing me psychological distress I could express that to him and he’d make sure I was all right.
Hey sweetie! I fully understand and agree wholeheartedly….I definitely DO NOT want to explore in real life EVERY fantasy I have, as some are so downright obscure and twisted that they are beyond disgusting and I even get embarrassed to tell my Sir about them. (Might have to if he reads this now-LOL). Besides, some fantasies are impossible to actually do since I have yet to grow a set of wings and fly or hover like a hummingbird.(long story on that one). I have read and talked to you enough to know you trust your Sir and you are right also that it is the mind fuck that often drives us, not the actual experiences. As for me personally..I was never worried about you and the sausages. I took it for what it seemed like to me, MasterDoc playing with your head and enjoying your reaction to his “threats”..just as my Sir relishes my reactions when he does some of the same shit to me. You have always seemed like you both had a great trusting relationship with each other, and that is a blessing anywhere, but especially in this lifestyle. Hopefully those that were truly worried or concerned over the sausages thing will learn a little lesson. Please do not let someone else’s reaction dictate what you post here. Your blog, your life, your experiences. Thanks for letting me have my say, for whatever it is worth. Big hugs.