I spent a little time with MasterDoc this weekend, after spending some much needed alone time. He’s spending as much time with his daughter as possible before she heads off to college, so that left me with time on my hands this past weekend, as Davey was away visiting another girlfriend for the weekend. While I’m prone to depression when I spend a long time alone, this time I really enjoyed myself. Granted, towards the end of the time I was getting restless, bored and lonely. But I got some stuff done around the house, including going through all my clothes to bag up things I don’t wear anymore. I hit Trader Joe’s for the first time in ages. Now my closets and dresser are neat and I have spectacular things to snack on. Huzzah!

I was hoping we’d go out Saturday night, but MasterDoc decided to stay in. He gave me a wonderful intense spanking using the riding crop. Initially I couldn’t tell what he was hitting me with – had he picked up a cane? When I eventually saw it it made sense, and as we were without a crop for a while I forget that it’s in his arsenal of toys now. I was enjoying the sensation but not close to orgasm when he said to me, “Come.” Wow, that was difficult. I focused my thoughts on orgasming and in less than a minute I managed to eke one out. It wasn’t as intense as an orgasm would be if I was fully aroused at the time, but through sheer will I managed it. He’s trying to train me to come via different sensations. I have certainly come from just a spanking before, but I wasn’t expecting it so I was thrown off a little. I think the ideal situation would be if I could eventually just come on command from a cold start. May or may not happen, but one can dream and strive.

He checked his email when we took a break and he found out about a party going on that night. I had already taken my sleeping medication by this time, so I wouldn’t be able to stay awake if we went out. He wondered if he could get someone to go with him. I was bummed because I had wanted to go out, had taken my medication as early as I did due to his request, and was horny and wanted sex with orgasms that weren’t eked out in the heat of stress. (Yes, I’m a demanding slut.) He encourages me to put his desires first some of the time, but I’m only human, and being ditched at the last minute really would have sucked. Ultimately he stayed in with me, for which I was very thankful.

He fucked me a little later, doggy-style, and I was so aroused that eventually I had to give in and beg for orgasm. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to come then and not have the fucking continue a bit longer, and I said that I wanted it to continue. Actually, I don’t think “said” is the right word – I gasped out my hope that he would keep fucking me. He kept going and I was going nuts on the edge of orgasm. When he let me come, I came hard and his cock got pushed out. He slapped my pussy, fingered me a bit as I continued to come. He grabbed the Acuvibe Mini that was laying on the bed and pushed it against my clit – oh holy mother of Jesus! – I came harder than I can remember in a while. And that’s saying A LOT. He kept pressing against my clit with the vibrator and I kept pressing back desperately trying to keep my clit in contact with it while I came. Afterwards, I was totally spent.

On the non-sexual side of things, my issues around jealousy and insecurity came up again. I’m sure some monogamous folks would say, “Well maybe you want to be monogamous.” But I have to say despite my insecurities, I really don’t want to be monogamous. Too bad I’m not a Domme as my ideal situation would be me gallivanting around with multiple partners and my lover being mono to me. But, uh, definitely not going to happen when one is a submissive! I do like knowing that MasterDoc is happy – and I know that having a variety of lovers, and enjoying flirting and chasing (and fucking) new women, is something that makes him happy. It’s in his nature. I do not expect it to ever change. And I can understand wanting variety as I do too. So that leaves me with trying to find a way to not be so insecure, not be so afraid of being abandoned. I need to find ways to keep myself busy when I have free time and thereby not get too upset if I can’t see MasterDoc for a while. (I mean, I love spending time with him, so not seeing him will never be a happy prospect, but I need to find ways to keep busy.) Davey is busy often with other girlfriends these days, I need to find myself someone else to spend time with.

Those of you who aren’t jealous types – how do you manage it? How do you process the idea of your love being with someone else when they could be spending time with you instead?