So Saturday night MasterDoc and I went to a party hosted by a lovely couple who hosted a party we went to in January. Overall I had a good time, but there were a few markedly different moments where I was unhappy. This entry will deal with those, and the next will deal with the fun parts.
The first was because I am socially retarded. I can’t really describe it precisely without worsening my blunder but it was something quite foolish that MasterDoc realized might be a problem as soon as I told him. Ultimately it wasn’t a big deal, but it’s just so typical of me to be oblivious to what I’m actually doing. And it’s shit like this that makes me shy in social situations – I’m afraid I’m going to fuck up royally. I was really shy and quiet during the social period Saturday night. I get much less shy when clothes come off.
There was one bad incident, with the first guy to fuck me after MasterDoc. He’s turning me over to fuck me, and I’m thinking, “Does he have a condom on? He must have a condom on.” He slides into me and MasterDoc asks if the guy has a condom on. I say I don’t know and he tells me to reach back and feel for it. Turns out he doesn’t have a condom on. Jesus. So I get him to put one on and he fucks me, but this sort of shit leaves me with a really negative view of someone. How can you slide your cock into someone bare without asking??? WTF? I felt like I had let myself down to not be more aggressive about making sure he was wearing a condom. I’m usually much better than that. MasterDoc was very disappointed me over this. He had taken my collar off for the evening so that I could be a regular, lighthearted slut instead of having to focus on him all night. And then I let him down by not checking something as basic as if a guy is wearing a condom until MasterDoc insists that I check. I’m so used to him taking care of me (as he does when my collar is on) that I didn’t take responsibility like I should have.
There was another moment that made me really sad and disappointed in myself. As I’ve noted before, MasterDoc has been effusively praising my skills with my hands lately. Not in terms of “hand jobs” but in terms of stroking his thighs and ass and making him feel really good. So before the party, MasterDoc had told me that he would probably want me to attend to him: play with his body to make him feel extra good while he fucked someone else. As we watched a woman getting fucked he started stroking himself and told me to attend to him. Ok, so far so good. I played with his ass and thighs and got him a condom when he asked for one. While doing this, another guy who I had fucked earlier lay down on the other side of me, and I started multitasking – stroking his cock while I played with MasterDoc’s body. I was pretty impressed with myself that I could do both at the same time and not slack off on one or the other. When the guy doing the fucking was finished with the woman, MasterDoc put the condom on and went for his turn. And I had been really looking forward to watching him fuck other women. But meanwhile, I got distracted. I had a guy with a hard cock who wanted me to get on top and ride him, and without thinking I did.
I didn’t realize the stupidity of this move until after when MasterDoc said he was mad at me. I had missed my opportunity to attend to him and add to his pleasure and instead fucked someone myself. I felt terrible. While I wasn’t wearing the collar I really should have done what he had asked me to. The really stupid thing is that I wasn’t even all that interested in getting fucked again, but since the guy wanted to fuck me, being the people pleaser that I am, I obliged. I felt awful when MasterDoc made clear to me that I had fucked up. Thankfully he’s a very forgiving man and after making clear to me how I fucked up, he told me that he loves me and I shouldn’t be too upset with myself. Still, I feel like I let him down and I’m not proud of that.
0 Responses to “One Night, Two Views: Embarassment”