Monthly Archive for November, 2008

Page 3 of 3

Change

Published on November 9, 2008 in musings. 1 Comment

Today I got to thinking about how “the only constant is change.” As Davey and I walked through Murray Hill (the neighborhood, not the drag king) to where we get our hair cut, I thought how I first became familiar with the neighborhood through a guy I dated years ago who lived there. Walking down those streets, past his apartment building, brings up memories and I got to thinking – nothing stays the same. What is reality in your life at one point in time won’t be that way forever. Relationships change, relationships end, same goes for friendships and jobs.

Several years ago when I dated that guy, I had no way of knowing that it wouldn’t last for long (just under two years) but for that moment in time I was with him and I was happy with him (until we both grew to be unhappy with each other). We have no way of knowing how our lives will change. I’m sure that Butterfly Temptress had no way of foreseeing that in her early 30′s she’d be in a life or death struggle with cancer. No one expects that. I’m sure when my grandmother beat breast cancer in her 40′s she had no way of knowing that it would show up in her remaining breast 40 years later (or that she’d beat it again, and beat a third bout of cancer at age 90, only to die from a stroke about a month before her 92nd birthday). Life is so unexpected.

And so that leads me to think, if you’re in a happy place in your life you really should cherish it and enjoy it for as long as it lasts, for nothing lasts forever. Dating MasterDoc, who is 18 years older than me, I’m painfully aware that the odds are he’ll pass away before me. This freaks me out to no end, but I realize that I have to enjoy every minute I have with him. I should try not to get caught up in petty bullshit but instead treasure whatever time we have together, because you never know what could happen (something could happen tomorrow, something could happen to me to take me away first, who knows).

But all this change can have a positive effect as well. If you’re not in a happy place in your life, realize that it, too, will change. Bad relationships don’t last forever, crappy jobs can be left for better ones. While it’s sad that the wonderful things in life don’t last forever, it’s wonderful that the lousy things in life don’t last forever either. When I start a new job of course I worry that I won’t be happy there, but I keep in mind that if I hate it, I can always look for another job. I’ve had many wonderful close friends during my adult years so far, I’m not particularly close to any of my old friends at the moment. For a brief period of time, something is right for your life, but it can all change. You never know. But take comfort in the fact that something else wonderful will come along. Someone else will be your friend, someone else will love you and make you happy. (Or if you’re lucky and poly like myself, two people will love you and make you happy. *grin*) While change brings heartache sometimes, it also brings new and exciting adventures your way.

The Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund

Published on November 6, 2008 in blogs and sex toys. 0 Comments

I’m a little late in posting this, but better late than never. A fellow blogger, The Butterfly Temptress is battling with stage IV cervical cancer, which has spread to the rest of her body. She’s desperately trying to overcome it so her children will have a mother and she can live out a full and long life (she’s way too young to die, seriously). Unfortunately, thanks to the medical system in this country (U.S.) she’s in the situation where she makes too much for government aid and doesn’t have enough coverage or money to take care of needed treatments and pain medication. This is one fucked up situation that no one should have to go through. For this month, Vibe Review is donating affiliate commissions (from those of us who signed up, like me) to The Butterfly Temptress Cancer Fund.

I’ve yet to earn a cent on my affiliate programs, but I hope that for this good cause you will consider shopping at Vibe Review this November. It would be a wonderful feeling if the first money I earn from being an affiliate goes to help a wonderful woman in her time of need.
On the selfish side of things, Vibe Review won’t send me stuff to review until I get more traffic through my link – and we all want Nadia to get more sex toys which will generate more fun stories, don’t we? But seriously, if you’ve been thinking about buying sex toys – go to Vibe Review this month via my link and know that a percentage of your purchase is going towards someone in the community who needs it. You can read Butterfly Temptress’ series Life. Love. Cancer. about her experience at Best Sex Bloggers.

I begged him for permission with my eyes

Published on November 5, 2008 in bdsm, best sex bloggers, D/s, orgasm denial, orgasm on command, porn, sex, squirting and Uncategorized. 4 Comments

My collar on, I lay on the bed and start touching the magic wand to my clit to warm myself up. He strokes himself and watches me, my eyes shut for the most part. I get right to the edge of orgasm and then lay off the vibe a little. He tells me I don’t have to keep myself right on the edge, but it feels so damn good to hold myself at the edge. While riding the edge doesn’t have the sense of release that an orgasm does, the nerve endings around my cunt tingle and get warm and I enjoy waves of pleasure. I keep riding the edge and he starts pushing the wand up against me. With the vibration intensified, I look at him, and I beg him with my eyes for permission to come. I know that he wants me to hold out as long as possible before asking for permission to come, so I work hard at holding back, but it’s so hard. I keep looking at him imploringly and he continues to play with the vibe on my clit. Then I feel his fingers slide down to my hole where he plays a bit before sliding them in to play with my g-spot. I think I managed to hold back asking to come, but finally he tells me, “Come.” Oh my god, I thought my head was going to explode off my shoulders. I had a fantastic series of orgasms – mind blowing orgasms. I just kept coming and coming and coming until he removed his fingers and told me to stop. Spent, I curled up to his chest afterwards for a much needed cuddle. He told me that he would have let me come longer had I not been so loud. After all, it was election day and the kids in his apartment building were bound to be home from school. I thanked him for the orgasms.

Next, I rode his cock, rocking back and forth on top of him, the head of his cock hitting just the right spot inside, over and over. I moaned and rode the edge, rocking my hips. Again I held back from coming, desperately wanting him to give me permission. Again, he gave permission (how lucky I felt!) and I had more orgasms, giving me the energy to frenetically ride him. I found energy and stamina I never knew I had. I squirted on him a little bit and rode him until I was exhausted and had to fall forward, cuddling him. Again, I thanked him for letting me come another time, again really hard.

He fucked me from behind and I couldn’t hold back asking for permission to come this time. I begged, wondering if I’d be so lucky as to be granted permission three times in one day. He must have been feeling really generous as he did, and as I came his cock was pushed out. He held onto my hips and I continued coming, spasming, gasping, writhing in orgasm while he simply held onto me. It really is amazing how he’s gotten me to the point where I will continue coming even without direct genital stimulus. It helps to hear his voice when I come, telling me to come, telling me I’m a good girl. I collapsed on the bed. As we cuddled he asked me, “Are you a lucky girl.”

“Yes, Sir, I’m a lucky girl.”

“Are you a very lucky girl?” I didn’t catch the “very” the first time he said it so when I didn’t respond exactly in kind he repeated it.

“Yes, Sir, I’m a very lucky girl.” This became the theme for the rest of the day, with him asking if I’m a lucky girl, and me responding that I am, indeed, a very lucky girl. I was exhausted. (I thought I was going to sleep really well last night, but alas I had a hard time falling asleep as usual. *sigh*)

A little bit later we were in the bedroom again. He hadn’t come so he had me suck his cock, stroke it and eventually play with his ass as he stroked himself while watching porn. I played with his ass, kneading, stroking the cheeks, getting my fingers right up inside near the asshole. He asked me after a bit if I was tired, and I had to admit that I was (getting between the gluteal muscles can be really tiring on fingers and forearm muscles, sadly). I had played with his ass a bit earlier so they were already a bit tired out. (Anyone have suggestions on exercises to strengthen those muscles?) Since I was tired, and he’s very good to me, he had me lay behind him, stroking his back. My arms were still tired but I didn’t complain as I wanted to help him reach orgasm. After he came, he had me play with his ass just a little bit more and I stroked and kneaded again. He came all over the sheets and I was told to change the sheets and pillow cases before I left.

Tonight I masturbated, thinking about how I begged him with my eyes for permission to come. I rode the edge, humping my Pleasure Tops (still not enough to get me off by itself) and using my bullet vibe. I watched some bdsm porn where a woman who was tied up got flogged and fucked with a butt plug up her ass. My cunt got swollen and engorged as I rubbed the bullet against my clit. I moaned as I neared the edge and finally I let myself come by imagining MasterDoc saying to me, “Come.”

Puddle

Published on November 2, 2008 in depression, orgasm denial, sex, shio, squirting and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Davey and I went to a friends’ Halloween party last night. It was a fun time, I drank too much, but I couldn’t resist leaning over to Davey at one point and saying, “Regular parties are so dull compared to the type of parties we usually go to.” *grin* After all, there was no nakedness, no sex! All there was to do was stand around, eating, drinking and talking. This pervy girl is just used to a very different kind of party. Still, it was good to see some friends I haven’t seen in a while, and to dress up for a night.
The night before I spent with MasterDoc. I was still in a funk when I got to his place in the evening. I was grumpy and depressed, but I had made a conscious decision earlier that day to be nice and not cranky. He was catching up on some much needed sleep when I got there, so I got dinner together while he slept as he had asked me to do, and attacked the mess in the kitchen. I have to say, while I’m glad I’m with a Dom who’s not a neat freak, I do wish that he was a little less messy. He can’t help it, it’s his ADD but it seems like there’s a never-ending mess every time I go over there. Still, I try to take care of it as good naturedly as I can, and he frequently thanks me for taking care of him. Appreciation makes a huge difference.

After he got up we had dinner and he debated if we were going out or staying in. I voted for staying in but said that I could probably get myself into the mood to go out if that’s what he wanted. (I was depressed, but not so bad I couldn’t be a little social, although that wasn’t my preference.) We cuddled for a bit and he got a call from a guy we’ve met at the club. The guy wanted to know if we were going to be there (I’m sure the club is much more fun when we’re there than when we’re not!). MasterDoc invited him up to see us instead (but he never got back to us). Ultimately he decided that we would stay in.

I was in the right mind frame to be cheered up. I felt down but open to feeling better, which I don’t always feel when I’m depressed. We straightened things up a bit, I showered and then went out to get us ice cream as I was totally craving it. (With the depression my eating has been terrible lately.) At one point, he comes up to me (naked, as he usually is) and starts kissing me and we found the one perk of me being tall – his cock fit right up against my crotch as we stood face to face. He moved his hips a little, and my tingling clit could feel his hard cock rub against the outside of my jeans. We kissed and I got so aroused.

After we had hung out for a while, he told me to go kneel in front of the armchair in the living room. He ordered me to make myself as accessible as possible, so I took my panties off. (I was in blouse, bra and panties at this point.) He told me to spread my legs apart and play with myself. I leaned over the chair and thrust my right hand between my legs. I was a little wet already. He had me get myself all warmed up. I was feeling so lustful that night that I was aching for a fucking in no time flat. Luckily, he decided to come over to me and fuck me from behind, right there as I bent over the chair. His cock felt amazing and I teetered on the edge of coming. It is such agony when he makes me wait to come but I get into such a state of heightened arousal that I suppose the agony is worth it. He told me that he wanted me to hold myself on the edge, and I’m sure he could tell from my gasps and moans that I was dying to come. He teased me for a while. I was a blubbering mess, desperate to come. He really knows how to get me into the state where I would probably agree to anything, or nearly anything, if only he’d let me come. Finally, he said the magic word, “Come.” And I immediately started to orgasm. His cock got pushed out and he held onto me as I kept coming and coming. I even squirted, oh about a gallon, as I came even after he had stopped fucking me. Everything with him is just so intense. I left a puddle under me which he had me sop up with a towel.

After I caught my breath we took a break and had the ice cream. Sex and ice cream certainly improve my mood. (Oh and yes it’s not just the sex and ice cream, being with MasterDoc helped my mood a great deal.) We had more sex after that, but silly me I can’t recall the details! It was hot, wonderful, I had more orgasms and it generally helped my mood immensely. I think perhaps he fucked my brains out because I really am drawing a blank on the details for the rest of the night.