I haven’t been blogging lately because I’ve been so busy out doing. But of course this means that I have lots of material to blog about. *grin* I usually do things in chronological order, but I think for the past three days worth of activity I’ll begin with last night and work my way back through a series of two or three blog posts. Anyway, enjoy.
Unusual for a Monday, I went to MasterDoc’s after work. I’m working very hard at keeping up my weight loss (7 lbs. as of Sunday) so I brought along my workout gear and tape to do at his house, but he had to promise not to watch! I doubt I find anything much more humiliating than exercising in front of people (the obvious exception to this is when I take my bike out). I’m out of shape, I’m flabby and it’s just basically a pathetic sight to see. It’s the type of humiliation I doubt I could handle. It’s not hot humiliation. It’s humilation plain and simple.
We had dinner after I showered and spent some time hanging out. He had me draw him a bath and I kept him company while he bathed. Then we found ourselves on the bed, wondering what we should get up to. Unfortunately, he had forgotten that I was coming over when he went to take his ritalin that morning, and he took it. And ritalin = difficulty getting and keeping it up. (He was also out of those little blue pills that come in so handy sometimes.) Obviously sex wasn’t on the menu. He asked my vote and I said I wanted to do “other things” rather than just scrapping the sexual part of our evening. He thought through a few devious things to do to me (play piercing came up but he decided that it was too involved for last night) and soon had me blindfolded with nipple clamps on. He had me get up onto all fours and he spanked me, taking a moment to tug on the clamps or hit my sensitive nipples in between.
He hit me harder than usual last night, possibly the hardest he’s hit me. I came really close to begging him to stop, but when the pain was really intense it was hard to form thoughts and words. I also would rather take as much as possible than to give up and beg. So I held off begging, even when he smacked me with the evil rubber strap. I did scream a few times, and call out, “Oh my god,” when the pain was really bad. He went way past the amount of time he’d usually hit me (or did it just seem that way?). And even when I thought he was done he’d start back up again. It was really intense.
He got out the magic wand and gave it to me, telling me to use it on myself. He started hitting my ass again and told me, “I’m going to beat you until you come.” Now, being beaten does get me wet, but when in the throes of pain it can be hard to reach the point of orgasm (for me). But I found myself getting into it, the idea of getting off while he hit me. Before long I was begging to come and I came fantastically hard and for a long while. He then told me to turn off the wand and to get myself off with my fingers. I had a hard time doing so in the position I was in – on my knees with my head and shoulders on the bed. He stuck a couple of fingers in my very wet cunt and fingered me, telling me that I had better come again fast. I came as fast as I could and again came hard and long. He had to tell me to be quiet as usual.
Afterwards, I felt like I actually needed aftercare which I seldom need very much of. I felt a little shell-shocked in a way, but never did I (or do I) feel abused, traumatized or anything like that. It was really intense emotionally, and while we cuddled and he soothed me after, I let out a few tears. Perhaps one of these days we’ll actually succeed at making me cry during a beating. It was comforting to have him hold me after, and I curled up against his chest for a long while. I’m not sure if I can describe how I felt after. I had a sense of calm, but also felt pretty emotional… like my emotions were at the surface. I felt very vulnerable. I wanted to cry more than I did but only a few tears came out. Ultimately, I’m glad for the beating and enjoyed it (although I might have said something different during) and other than feeling a little worn out and sore afterwards I felt ok. I even did a few chores around the apartment after. Today, I have one nice bruise, ostensibly from the strap but little else to show for the beating. Whenever I thought about it today, my cunt felt all hot and tingly. *grin* I am a very perverted lady. Occasionally I do wonder if there’s something wrong with me that I get so turned on by pain and submission, but most of the time I accept it as one form of human sexual expression that’s no more or less normal than many other more “vanilla” expressions of sexuality.
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