With me complaining about the things I don’t like to do, you may be asking yourself, “Why does she do this submissive thing then?” So perhaps it’s time to talk about the moments that give me a rush, that make me realize that I’m doing something that I want to do.
Such as when I manage to think ahead, and anticipate MasterDoc’s needs and he’s pleased with that (I put a towel out for his bath last week before he even thought to ask for one), I feel good. I really enjoy making him happy.
When I can turn something I don’t like into something more tolerable because I think that he would be proud of me, or that in a way I’m doing it for him. An example of this is exercise. I HATE exercise. I’m out of shape and exercise is hard. But since we’re on this diet together I’m making a concerted effort to exercise regularly. Part of my issue with exercise is that I’m embarrassed to have others see me exercise because I feel self-conscious about being out of shape. I even feel self-conscious around Davey. (Odd I know because I don’t feel self-conscious about, say, farting around him.) So when I was exercising the other day and Davey came home, and I felt the humiliation of exercising in front of someone, I tried to turn it into the sort of humiliation that’s a turn on. Sometimes when MasterDoc makes me do something that’s difficult or embarrassing I get a rush because it really takes all my strength to submit to what he’s asked of me. Or sometimes when he scolds me I feel young and vulnerable and some how it feels good. And so I did my best to feel that odd little bit of joy come out of the humiliation of exercising in front of someone. When I do exercise I can’t wait to tell him I’ve done it so he can be proud of me. And if I slack off I feel bad that I’ve let him down.
Which brings me to the point that part of why I do all I do (for him specifically) is that he has never, not once, asked me to do something harmful. In fact, the things he has me do are frequently beneficial (diet, exercise, being more self-disciplined about housework – or on the other end of beneficial they feel good sexually and get me off). He watches out for me, wants to know about my state of mental health and does all he can to take care of me. Now, granted, I’m a capable adult woman so there’s plenty I can and do do for myself, but it’s nice to have someone specifically try to watch out for you and help you through your problems (which, granted, can be part of vanilla relationships too.)
And of course, there’s the big reason I let him tell me what to do – it frequently gets me wet. And hot. Giving control over to him turns me on. Having him tell me what to do in bed and how to do it is hot. Having him spank me and torment me is delicious. Having him fuck me and use my body and control my arousal and release of pleasure is hot. When he puts me on the horsey (sybian) and gets me to the edge and controls me sexually I get so freakin turned on I can’t even describe it. And when he gives me permission to come and I orgasm earth-shatteringly hard until I’m screaming and gasping for air and I can’t focus on anything but the feelings racing through my body – that’s just wonderful.
And those are the reasons why I submit.
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