Not much to report this weekend. I spent much of the time at MasterDoc’s, supposedly helping him out as his back was bothering him but I got too intoxicated on something yesterday to be of much help. (Oops. Didn’t realize I was getting there til it was way too late. Spent a few hours being pretty much useless and loopy.) Today I helped him out with housework before I left so I did end up being of some assistance.
Which brings me to what I’ve been thinking of as the “submissive lie.” The submissive lie is that subs get off on doing whatever their Dom/me tells them to, just because he/she tells them to do it. The idea that I’d be overjoyed to pick up MasterDoc’s dirty laundry because I’m sub. Now in some respects I do enjoy helping him, and I was glad to help him out when he’s not feeling well. But do I like doing housework? Never. Do I get horny from being told to take out his trash? No. It’s a big fat lie that submissives just LOVE doing whatever you tell them to. (Particularly bedroom submissives like myself.)
Of course, the point is that I don’t have to love these things, I just have to do them. But I do find this to be the hardest part of being sub. I’m a woman of the 21st century (and a staunch feminist), I’m used to equality in my relationships but a Dom/sub relationship is NOT equal. So I have to find a way to reconcile the parts of power inequity that I love (being used sexually however he would like or to get naked and be spanked) versus the parts of power inequity I hate (being told to go put away the dishes from the dishwasher while he relaxes on the couch). Or the parts of power inequity I don’t love but don’t mind, like getting him a drink of water when he wants it.
While it’s work to play with his ass while he jerks off, I enjoy getting him hot and bothered. It’s sexy and so even though I’m not being fondled at the same time, it’s still hot. Unfortunately something like gathering laundry doesn’t have any immediate rewards. I hate doing it for myself, why would I love doing it for someone else? (Although he did spank me and let me get myself off with the hitachi magic wand in front of him this afternoon amidst the housework. THAT was fun. And he did allow me to get intoxicated the day before, although neither of us had any idea I’d end up as loopy as I did.)
I shouldn’t complain through this entire entry, as I did have a good time most of the time and I love spending time with him. I’m happy when I’m around him. I just have a hard time with this one part of submission. I’m not sure it will ever get any easier.
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