Morning/Evening

I saw MasterDoc on Friday as usual. In the morning we had a guest, a young man, 24, who looked younger than even his 24 years. I didn’t realize that being only 35 would give me the perspective that people in their early 20′s are really, really young. lol

MasterDoc demonstrated domming me, warning me that perhaps this would be the day when he made me cry. Later he mentioned feeling a desire to beat me until I cried to freak the young man out. Somehow, my pain tolerance was up, and I managed to take the beating without breaking down and asking him to stop. I’m not even sure what implements he used on me, he used a variety of impact implements on my backside. We were both surprised that I didn’t bruise from all this.

He had me play with my clit for a while, getting myself to the edge. I successfully got there and managed to stay there. He told me he wanted me to come as soon as he put his cock into me, and to be ready. He fucked me and told me to come right away. It took a second, but then I came. I continued to come and eventually my muscles pushed his cock out. He had me flip over and he spanked me some more. He invited the young man to come closer and play with my breasts as he fucked me from behind. He had me reach out and stroke the man’s cock. I came some more and lay down to rest. I stroked the young man some more, but he was having trouble getting hard. MasterDoc had me suck his (MasterDoc’s) cock while the guy got his dick hard. Then, I lay down on the floor and stroked the guy until he came all over my chest. MasterDoc had me rub the guy’s cock on my wet breast, then rub the come in. I think we made that guys day. lol He had me go shower off.

We spent some time hanging out after the guy left, then MasterDoc headed out to the store. That evening’s plans were to be a threesome with a woman who MasterDoc has been trying to meet for a few weeks now. (Either joining S. and him, or me and him.) Yet again she didn’t show. *sigh* We had a delicious dinner prepared by MasterDoc’s roomate, Liz, and even tried calling friends (Davey, and others) to see if someone could join us as we had an extra serving of everything. (The crostini was divine, the cornish game hen moist and delectable, and the chocolate mousse sweet and frothy. I often say that sex is my preferred vice, but food is the other one.)

After, we hung out and digested a while (watching some Coupling in the meantime). Then MasterDoc decided that he and I should go play in the bedroom before bedtime. He decided that we’ve been doing too much vanilla lately, and so he tied me down to the bed. He blindfolded me and tortured me with ice cubes and hot wax. But the problem was, I wasn’t in a submissive mood. And my pain tolerance had gone way down since the morning. The wax felt extra hot and the ice cube extra cold. I was miserable. I was tempted to say it was too much but then figured he’d take that as a complaint and decide to give it to me more. Eventually he took mercy on my sad face and untied me and cuddled me. This was the first time I ever felt unhappy after a scene with MasterDoc. I felt distant from him and like I had no way of getting him to stop. We fucked after that, and while it felt good, I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind. We went to sleep. We cuddled in the morning, but I still felt upset with how the scene had gone the night before. I brooded on it until this afternoon when I gave MasterDoc a call to talk about it. Not only did I feel like I had no control (but not in the good, kinky way) he also teased me with the idea of asphyxiation while I was tied down. Asphyxiation freaks the shit out of me. I mean, I’m really scared of it. And being choked until you pass out just sounds like a bad idea to me. To each his own but it’s just not my kink, there’s too much risk in my mind.

I’m telling you all this to illustrate that occasionally, things don’t click and aren’t perfect. While I’ve felt really in tune with MasterDoc and thrilled to submit to him many times, sometimes it just doesn’t work that way. Human beings aren’t perfect and aren’t always in tune with each other. He was glad that I called him to talk about it, as that was definitely the right thing to do. And I feel better having told him how I feel. Friday night really pushed the limits of my submission. I suppose it was inevitable that we’d get to some point where the playing got tougher. After we played on Friday night, MasterDoc made a point of telling me that if I need things to stop that I need to beg for mercy. We’ve never discussed safewords before this and quite honestly we didn’t really need them before this, but Friday night was a night where a safeword would have been handy. I really wanted it to stop and wasn’t sure how to make it stop. Now I know better for next time.

I never expected to submit to MasterDoc as deeply as I sometimes do. The fact that I lay there and took what felt like utter torture without saying a word (except some cries of pain, which I couldn’t really control) indicates how far I will go to try to please him. Sometimes it’s a bit scary how much control I let him have over me. In some respects it’s not like it’s that much – my day to day life is my own (except if I want to have sex with someone new, or in the matter of my dieting and exercising). But to date I’ve really just been a bedroom submissive who played with occasional partners so this is a new experience for me. No one said being a submissive was going to be easy.