Less Prozac = Good Thing

I’ve been on the lower dose of prozac for nearly two weeks now, and there’s been an improvement with my libido. I’m still not feeling 100% myself, but we’ll see how it goes from here. I’m happy to report that vanilla sex is becoming fun again. I think in the months when I was numbed by the medication, the intensity of something like bdsm or public sex could cut through the layer of numbness I had, but loving, vanilla sex could not. But now I’m responding more, which means really good things for my relationship with Davey considering he and I don’t do bdsm together. Another indication things have gotten better is that I was so totally on the edge the other day when MasterDoc had me use my bullet vibe while we entertained a stranger. I’ve had a hard time getting to the edge and riding it in recent months. I was so close to coming that my vaginal muscles twitched a bit as I took the vibe away from my clit. I could have had an explosive orgasm at that point. Orgasm denial might get a little bit challenging for a change – I hope! (It’s been pitifully easy for me to not come in recent months.)

Of course with the lowered dose also comes more emotions. I actually teared up for the first time in months a few nights ago. (I haven’t been able to cry in ages.) I’m feeling so much more now than I did on the high dose of prozac. It’s nice but it can be a little intense at times. I’m just now realizing how emotionally intense it can be to submit to someone. It seems like nice casual “playtime” at the outset, but I’ve grown quite attached to MasterDoc even though we’re not in a traditional sort of relationship. (I sometimes refer to him as my other boyfriend, but really Dom/sub describes what we have going on.)

I saw MasterDoc for my usual Friday and we put on show for someone. The usual – me being Dom-ed, flogged, fucked, etc. in front of a total stranger. I should maybe keep track of how many people have seen my naked body, but then considering how many people can be around at swing clubs I think it’s too hard to keep track of that sort of thing. Suffice it to say many people have seen me naked. As I said before, I was better at getting to the edge orgasm-wise so it was really fun when I played with the bullet vibe or MasterDoc fucked me. He let me come (he’s so good to me) and it’s nice to be feeling more of it again. (I wonder, can we lower my dose further? Of course then I have to worry about the effect that could have on my depression, the whole reason I’m on prozac in the first place.)

It’s nice to feel like I’m almost having a mini sexual awakening. I hope this improves further, or I’ll be talking to my doctor about options. (Wellbutrin sounds like it’s a good option.)

I went for a walk with Davey today. I’m working on getting past laziness so I get exercise in. That’s the hardest part. I’m eating healthier for the most part and not pigging out on stuff. But the exercise – I’m so bad about exercising. Ugh.