It’s been a busy week, and one spent being busy doing dull things that are not blog-worthy. I got together with MasterDoc last night for the first time in a week and a half and unfortunately I was tired from a stressful week at work. We were going to go to a swing club, but because I was so worn out I had really mixed feelings about going out. I tried to get myself in the mindset to go, but while we got ready to go out I got tireder and crankier and finally I had an outburst. I complained about how tired I was and how doing little chores around his place was making me more tired and that I didn’t really want to go out. Now of course, this couldn’t have been more inappropriate as I was wearing my collar by that time. MasterDoc handled it calmly, but it’s clear that I will be punished for it at some point. Of course then I felt even more lousy because I had been bad, and I was tired and I was cranky. Ultimately we stayed in, and despite my fatigue I had a hard time falling asleep.
I hoped that maybe this morning we’d get up to something but not only have I been minimally horny (I’m now thinking maybe the prozac I’m taking has squashed my sex drive lately), MasterDoc has also been feeling kinda blah. Even more than sex I was hoping for a good thrashing, as a beating would help me unwind from the week. Now that I have bdsm in my life on a fairly regular basis, I realize how therapeutic it actually can be. (And last night MasterDoc showed me a news story online about a Russian scientist discovering pain to be useful for combating depression and a myriad other problems. I’ll have to see if he can send me the link. Granted, I’m a librarian and could search for the story…but maybe he can point me in the right direction. UPDATE: S. was kind enough to supply the link for me.) Alas, despite my going down on him for a while, MasterDoc didn’t feel like doing anything – fucking or beating – and so he sent me home. I did my best to just accept this and not complain, having already been a bad sub for whining the night before (rather than expressing my feelings in a more constructive way) but I so yearned for a thrashing. Before I left MasterDoc joked, “Consider this part of your punishment.” And that kinda made me feel better. I had felt bad about acting out and it may sound weird to someone who’s not a sub, but I wanted to be punished somehow for my outburst. Granted, some hard smacks on my ass would have been an enjoyable punishment, but not getting what I want and crave is actually a very suitable punishment.
So, I don’t have any hot stories to share this week. I’m hoping I get out of this slump sometime. I’ve been a little horny the past day or so, so perhaps Davey and I will get up to something tonight. The sad part is that I’d really rather a beating than sex. But then again, after a beating I’d probably want sex. But maybe I’ll have to take the sex straight up. I’m not complaining, I’m never one to turn down an orgasm.
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