My bottom’s still sore and I have some lovely red welts on my ass. Not too bad really, not compared to the huge, ugly bruise that Davey has on his thigh from falling off a ladder last weekend. Poor thing. And at least I had fun getting my bruises. Still, I’m not used to spankings where I still hurt the next day. I’ve had very few spankings where I’ve been bruised (at least before I met MasterDoc). I once lent my ass to a spanking demonstration at an all-women play party and I might have ended up a little bruised from that. And there was one time I played with a sub friend (who I’ve totally lost touch with) at a bdsm club and she gave me a good thrashing in front of a crowd. Yesterday MasterDoc and I talked about the idea of subspace, and how I don’t really quite get there with him as of yet. I can only remember a couple of times in my life really getting to that blissful point – one was from a long spanking from a boyfriend, the other was that beating at the bdsm club. I felt all weak in the knees and like I was on drugs after each of those times, and it was a wonderful feeling. I remember after the spanking from the boyfriend, I was so in the mood for him to do absolutely anything to me afterwards, but I was sorely disappointed when he didn’t. I would have loved if he had just taken me there and then on the bed, my sore ass against the sheets. Now that would have been hot.
I spent the day doing errands and relaxing at home. I got horny at one point and used my bullet vibe on my clit (because as you know, the dildo is off limits right now while I heal) and gave myself two orgasms – I squirted during the second one and thankfully I had the foresight to put down a towel before I started. I’m premenstrual, so I’m starting to get hornier – figures I can’t have sex just now! I’m hoping that my pussy is all healed before that comes along because I really like using a menstrual cup, but I’d have to switch to god-awful pads if I can’t put anything inside me. *pout*
Most of the time I’m comfortable with my sexuality and accept and even embrace my kinks. But every now and then I ponder to myself how I ended up doing some of the things I do. And why I enjoy it whereas a portion of the population would think it was sick. As I left MasterDoc’s yesterday I looked at each person who passed me on the sidewalk and wondered what that person would think if they knew that I had bruises on my ass from a good spanking. I figured that a percentage would be freaked out and think I’m a sicko, a percentage would be accepting even though it’s not something they’d want to do, and a percentage would smile, knowing how enjoyable bdsm play can be. Of course, you have no way of knowing looking at a person which of the three they’d be. After all, Davey seems totally innocent and average in his day to day life, but meanwhile he’s keen to go to more swing parties with me, to see MasterDoc dom me and we’ve had sex in public at a swing party. I think most people wouldn’t suspect me either, as I’ve been told various times that I have an innocent face.
I wonder what it is that makes some people wired for kink and others not. Or is it a natural human turn-on that’s just repressed by a large portion of the population? Just as I find it hard to fathom someone not being bisexual (after all, a sexy person is sexy, who cares what bits they have? It’s all fun.) I find it hard to fathom someone not wanting to dominate or be dominated. I can understand why some people aren’t into pain, but at the same time I can totally understand how pain can be an erotic experience. Anyway, this is just what’s going through my head today. I find myself wondering how I came to be the kinky person I am today, and even though I know it started way back in childhood, I still sometimes wonder if it’s okay that I am the way I am. Society likes to tell people that there’s some emotional imbalance expressing itself through this sort of stuff, but is that really true? At any rate, I can’t see myself stopping – I’m having too much fun!
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