On Saturday I went with Davey to his cousin’s wedding. I was feeling a bit tentative about going, because I know that much of his family (including his parents who we were staying with) are very conservative and religious. However, the bride was apparently from the side of the family that’s not so conservative… in fact you could say that her and her friends were pretty “white trash.”
Thankfully the wedding had alcohol and dancing, as I needed a drink after dealing with his parents and relatives. They’re very, very nice people, but his mother is exhausting the way she talks constantly. Also I’m always worried that I need to stick to innocuous topics so I don’t get his parents out of their very limited comfort zone. Thankfully they didn’t say anything to me about Davey and I getting married, because I really couldn’t have held back and not said, “I don’t ever plan to get married.” This would not have sat well with them. His parents don’t drink alcohol (or even cook with it) and they don’t dance, so I felt like a rebel with my one rum and coke at the reception and the time I got up to do the chicken dance with Davey’s Aunt and other attendees. Still, that’s as far as my rebellion gets with them as I really would rather not rock the boat. Davey and I slept on separate floors of their house, and I was totally okay with respecting this choice. They’re the antithesis of me, but I can live and let live as long as they do the same. They’ve gotten more comfortable with me and Davey’s mother actually introduced me as his girlfriend for the first time (although he said that she nearly choked on the words). This is a vast improvement after the looks she was giving me when we got Davey’s stuff from their house when he and I first moved in together. Ooh, if looks could kill!
So the wedding guests… you could say they fell into about three categories. Morbidly obese (one woman was about as big around as she was tall, and she wasn’t short!), young white trash in somewhat-to-very inappropriate clothes for a wedding, and kinda average people. Some (snarky) observations from the crabby librarian:
- tattoos look cool until you’re in a wedding dress. Actually, ultimately no one there had any particularly impressive tattoos, they were all pretty mediocre. If you’re going to ink up your body, why not make sure it’s a work of art?
- wearing a pink polo shirt, high-water linen pants and Timberlands boots with fancy sunglasses is not the look to rock at a wedding. Who the hell did that guy think he was? It was definitely the white trash/ghetto version of “classy.”
- there was a couple there that we were sure had to have a employer/employee relationship… meaning I’m sure if we asked the guy how much for the girl he’d have a quick answer. Now I have nothing against someone earning a few bucks that way, but when you look like a pimp and a hooker at a wedding you really need to re-think your choice of outfits. Her skirt was so short it was nearly a belt, her cheap knit top bared her midriff and she wore stiletto-heeled boots. The African-American guy she was with was dressed in a suit but he also wore a straw hat with a black band… very pimperific. An acceptable look on a street corner, not so acceptable at someone’s wedding.
- I’m wondering if orthodontia hasn’t come to that part of Pennsylvania as the teeth on the guests were something else.
- Guests of a certain age seemed to all have a multitude of children with each other. The groom had his 8 or 9 year old son in the wedding party, then there was the bride’s son with her first baby daddy, who was in attendance with his pregnant girlfriend and their very young son. And also the bride and groom’s daughter they had together two years ago. And these people are maybe in their mid 20′s. I realize that some people think that having a bunch of kids is just wonderful, but I wonder what else they’re doing with their lives besides forgetting the contraceptives and sleeping with each other. I felt like I should hand out condoms and give demonstrations on how to use them.
Ultimately, I survived, and making snarky observations to Davey was how I got through. I kept him laughing through much of the reception.
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