Monthly Archive for August, 2007

Page 2 of 3

Still

Published on August 18, 2007 in assault, bdsm, dom and sex. 0 Comments

I’m still feeling triggered, although I’m trying to get back to the mindset I was in the past few days (that of thinking about delightful, naughty things to get up to). I realized that it would be best if I told MasterDoc the name of the guy who assaulted me so when he’s lining up people to fuck me he can avoid that particular person. Talk about triggers! Suddenly finding myself in a situation with that guy would freak me out to no end. I mean, if just reading his name sends me into a state of panic I can only imagine what encountering him would be like. I realize that some day I’ll probably run into him at a party somewhere. And I keep working towards being able to handle that and not feel freaked out. I’m at a much better place with it than I used to be but this most recent trigger underlines that I still have more work to do.

Before being triggered, I was thinking a lot about being submissive, something I hadn’t thought much about over the past couple of years. In recent months I even started questioning if I was still into being dominated. But after having fun with MasterDoc I realize that my submissive streak is very much still there, I just needed to find someone to bring it out again. The other day I was talking with him online and I said something saucy and he said, “You’ve just earned yourself one extra hard spanking.” And my little submissive heart soared. Of course, I realize that in the middle of the extra hard spanking I’ll be wondering why the hell I was happy about it (and begging for it to stop), but for now the idea turns me on. I’ve been hornier than I’ve been in a long time, and nearly all my naughty thoughts revolve around D&s. I’m so looking forward to playing with MasterDoc on Monday.

Haunted Yet Again

Published on August 17, 2007 in assault. 0 Comments

Over at the Practical Polyamory blog I ran into the fact that Jefferson, the guy who assaulted me a couple of years ago, is presenting at an upcoming kinky conference. I guess I just have to live with the fact that this bastard is going to appear in the sex world, and I have to live with it. At the same time I wish I could post somewhere very visible what he did to me so people could know. Maybe a few would look at him differently then. Then again, sexual assault is condoned in this society so I doubt very many people would do a damn thing about it. The party goers and my supposed friends certainly didn’t. It just frustrates me that I’m going about my business, getting back to my slutty self and he keeps friggin popping up online. I hate him. But I have to admit, as time goes by it gets easier, little by little, to deal with. The triggering isn’t as intense as it used to be. And the fact is I finally feel strong enough to just name the dickhead instead of dancing around the issue.

Ok, Stupid

Published on August 17, 2007 in dating. 1 Comment

More from the files of how not to get a girl:

I just got this from someone on okcupid – ” hi prety, u are looking cool. i will love to meet u.”

I sooo wanted to write back saying, “Dude, you’re 37 years old and you haven’t learned how to spell “pretty” yet?” I just deleted it instead.

I get a lot of illiterate emails. It depresses me. I only date men who can compose coherent sentences. Intelligence attracts me.

Pleasure and Pain

Published on August 15, 2007 in bdsm, dom and sex. 0 Comments

I had a very good time playing with MasterDoc yesterday. I was lucky enough to have a free morning to go over to his place and play. I’m a bit tired after all we got up to (that and working late last night). *grin* I’m very happy to have found this situation – a Dominant who can inflict pain on me at one point and then later be silly and cuddle. It’s just what I was hoping to find for a long time. Part of the attraction to D&s for me is pleasing the Dominant and it’s nice to be cuddled after you’ve tolerated pain to please your Dom. I like being told I’m a good girl for what I’ve let him do to me.

I wore a skirt as he had requested, but he gave me a hard time about the fact that it was a denim skirt (I’m always in jeans!). I pointed out that it’s just about the only short skirt I have so it wasn’t me being passive-aggressive. Instead of things that leave bruises, yesterday he used non-marking forms of pain – the TENS unit and hot candle wax. I had used a TENS unit years ago to help deal with back pain, but other than playing around a bit with how high I could tolerate it on my back I didn’t use it in a D&s way at all. Having the electrodes on either side of a nipple, however, is a whole different ball game. I went down on him as he played around with the pulse intensity and frequency of the TENS unit. I had to be very careful not to react by bitting down when things got painful. A few times it was really intense and I cursed out loud over the pain. Somehow I seem to bring out a sadistic part of his personality as he apparently really enjoys hurting me. I’m not a pain slut, so I can’t tolerate as much pain as someone who’s really into it. I find that during the intensity of the pain I’m really unhappy with it but later on I’m happy to have endured it and come out okay. It’s like a badge of honor to put up with whatever he can inflict on me. Granted, we all have our limits and mine are pretty low compared to some others.

I can usually take hot wax but he has this skill for finding the most sensitive spots to drip it on – right on that delicate bit of skin where the hip meets the thigh. Youch. And as the wax takes a moment to cool it continues to burn for a moment. I was tied down and gagged (and blindfolded) for this part and I found myself banging on the floor when things got too intense. He put electrodes on either side of my clit and surprisingly it wasn’t as intense as the pain on my nipple, until he pushed down on the electrodes that is. Ow. He pondered why this was as I’m sure he’d like to figure out how to make it hurt more next time.

He fingered me to a fantastic orgasm and unfortunately my instead cup slipped out of place, leaving a bloody mess as I have my period. Luckily, as he’s a doctor, blood doesn’t freak him out. It just meant I had to rinse out the sheets after.

We took a break for lunch and I was ravenous. I stayed completely naked during lunch (obviously we ate in!)

After lunch, I spent more time attending to his cock and luckily for me he decided to fuck me. (Hooray!) I was down on all fours on the floor and taking a pounding from behind. Unfortunately on one stroke he pulled out a little too far and ended up bending his penis as he thrust back in. (Ouch!) But he took over fucking me with his fingers and he had me screaming and moaning in intense pleasure.

We took a break and cuddled on the bed. I love cuddles! Kinda funny how one person can want to be tortured and cuddled in equal amounts. There was a little time before I had to leave and so he sent me back into the living room (scene of most of the activities) for a condom and a toy and I smartly grabbed the lube as well. (I wasn’t my usual wet, slippery self, possibly because of my period/the instead cup.) I got myself warmed up with the vibrator. We fucked in the bed and it was the closest thing to vanilla all day. I wasn’t quite as passive that time as I am when I’m submitting. (I’m like a rag doll. lol I just leave myself open to whatever the Dominant wants to do to me. I like being used. I’m definitely not the brat type of sub.)

I didn’t want to leave, I wanted to hang out more, but alas I had to get to work. I found myself in a very happy mood that afternoon. It was like a mild high from having gotten up to so much naughtiness that morning. It was hard to change my mindset from slutty sub to miss librarian and my mind kept wandering back to the events of the day.

Monday Blahs

Published on August 13, 2007 in dating, N and sex. 0 Comments

I so have the Monday blahs today. The weekend went by much too quickly and my period showed up this morning. Blah.

Yesterday was pretty good. I went and saw N. I’m still keeping my emotional distance but interestingly enough he seems quite keen on me again now that I’ve pulled away. I can see how he works. He’s one of those guys who’s far more interested when he has to do the pursuing. (After all, I wouldn’t meet him for a year and he kept emailing me from time to time.) It’s my style to be straightforward when I like someone so it takes a bit of work for me to keep aloof. We’ll see how things go. I don’t feel as into him as I once did.

The sex was hot as always. *grin* I was a very naughty girl this weekend, waking up Davey with a blow job on Saturday, playing with MasterDoc Saturday afternoon, sex with Davey that night, sex with N. on Sunday and more sex with Davey Sunday evening. All in all it was a very good weekend.

But today? Back to work. Blah.

Slut

Published on August 11, 2007 in bdsm, dom and sex. 0 Comments

I started this entry last night but was too tired to finish it. I’ll just do a quick bit of editing to bring it up to today’s date and then continue with my account,

Yesterday afternoon I played with MasterDoc for the first time. It’s hard to remember everything that happened in linear fashion so this entry will probably be more snippets of things that happened than a narrative.

One thing I have to mention is that I feel badly about something I said about him in an earlier entry. I said that I’m not wildly physically attracted to him and he took this to mean I think he’s ugly, fat and old. And I feel bad that he took it that way and it wasn’t meant to be hurtful. And I don’t think he’s ugly, fat or old. (True, he’s a fair amount older than me but N. is older than he is.) So I’ll counter that statement with some praise – he has a really nice cock. I haven’t felt it inside me yet but it looks wonderful. He also gets me very wet. He’s also a sweetie. Funny that I should say that after he’s left bruises on me, but hey they were consensual. *grin*

Now I suppose I could backtrack a moment here and say that I started my day (on Saturday) by waking Davey with a blow job. He’s dropped hints forever that he would like that, and I was too tired to have sex the night before so I wanted to make sure he was taken care of before I went off slutting around this weekend. And yet again I’m guaranteed status as the best girlfriend in the world. *grin*

I got to MasterDoc’s place in the afternoon. I was a little nervous, just because it was a new situation with someone new, but at the same time I was eager to play. We chatted for a bit before starting. (And we joked about how that’s the part that won’t make it into the blog entry.) It’s nice that he also likes hanging out with me – I prefer playmates who I have a friendship with rather than someone who’s solely likes me for sex. (Granted, this doesn’t stop me from having casual sex with people I don’t know. It’s all down to what my mindset is on a particular day. If I’m in a slutty, voraciously sexual mood I care much less about whether I know or particularly like someone I’m fucking.)

After a little while, I find myself half naked and on my knees giving him a blow job. And the slut in me loves doing this. It’s naughty to start going down on a guy simply because he’s told you to do so. And I like being Naughty Nadia.

Soon I’m completely naked and getting slapped and spanked on my thighs, pussy, breasts. I get put over his lap for a spanking and fingering and I’m soon begging him to let me come. I keep calling out, “Please, please!” There’s something I love about being kept on the edge, begging for release. I’m getting hot just thinking about it. He’s rougher with me than I’m used to, but ultimately I can take it – although I certainly say “ow!” an awful lot with him and I certainly begged for him to stop when he put the Japanese clover clamps on my inner labia. Yikes! That really friggin hurt, especially when he took them off and the blood rushed back to that spot – or when he twisted them around by the chain.

I have some light marks on me today – on my thigh and my butt – from all the spanking/slapping. I bruise easily. I kinda like these marks though because every time I notice the one on my thigh I think back to what I got up to yesterday.

He let me come twice yesterday – once on my back on the sofa as he fingered me and the other when I was tied down on my back on the floor with a duct tape gag. (Cuffs on each wrist attached to straps attached to chair legs, one ankle restrained by a cuff attached to the sofa leg.)
The time on the floor was from my favorite dildo and I squirted a bit. My vaginal muscles are strong and when I come I frequently push toys or penises out of my vagina involuntarily. This is a bummer because it interrupts my coming, but I do wonder if that clenching is part of why I squirt so much. My vaginal muscles are probably the most well-exercised muscles in my body. If only I could be as enthusiastic about exercising the rest of me.

I loved being tied down and touched (and slapped). MasterDoc has been talking about lining up other men to fuck me and I think that the only trepidation I have is that I’m not supposed to be okay with that. I am interested in it but I keep thinking about how that’s not supposed to be acceptable. I enjoy being a slut and getting fucked, and most of the time I have no hang ups about that but every now and then society’s expectations will intrude. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll get over it. It sounds like I’m going to get up to a lot of sexy, naughty things with MasterDoc.

I was disappointed that he still hasn’t fucked me, but he had plans with someone else today and she would have been very disappointed if he wasn’t up to performing, so I got to be the one who has to wait to see what it’s like to have him fuck me. I remind myself that good things come to those who wait and it gives me something to longingly look forward to. I see him again on Tuesday, so perhaps that will be my lucky day.

Today I have plans with N. I’m still doing my best to pull back emotionally from the situation. We’ll see how things go. I’m horny so I’m sure I’ll have sex with him. (And I had sex with Davey when I got home last night. He was certainly glad I was left in a worked up mood.)

TGIF

Published on August 10, 2007 in dating. 0 Comments

A couple of hours from now my weekend will start. Hooray! Tonight I’m planning a quiet night in with Davey, tomorrow I have plans to play with MasterDoc for the first time and then on Sunday N. makes a reappearance. He contacted me… go figure. He had said he was free Saturday and I was overjoyed to be able to tell him that, oh my, I have plans already. (In other words, I’m not at his beck and call.) Davey then bet me that since I was only free on Sunday that N. would make time for me that day. I took the bet, not having faith in N. and alas, I lost the bet and now owe Davey a cup of coffee at Staryucks. Oh well! Maybe my two weeks of little contact with N. and my new policy of not initiating plans has lit a fire under his butt. I think it was definitely the right decision to back off and focus my energies elsewhere – for a variety of reasons.

I’m a little nervous about playing with MasterDoc because I’m sure he can come up with many devious delights for me. But I suppose the key word there is “delights”. It does seem that ultimately he’s a nice person who’s Dom and that’s what I’ve been hoping to find for a while. We’ll see how it all pans out. I think I still need to get to know him better before I can stop feeling nervous. It just takes me a while to fully trust people these days. (Although I may still be too trusting for my own good. I just go by my instincts and usually my instincts are right. It’s when I don’t listen to my instincts that I get in trouble.)

MasterDoc

Published on August 4, 2007 in dom. 0 Comments

The Dom from two entries ago would like to be called MasterDoc on this blog (he is actually a doctor). MasterDoc has given me a homework assignment to be done before the next time I see him – fill out a bdsm check list, listing what I’ve done and not done and how turned on I get about certain activities (or if I’m turned off by them). I’ve filled a similar one in before (have it stored on my computer) and I’ve been spending a good amount of time on the one I’ve been asked to fill in. I was hoping to get it done before I left today for the weekend but I think I need to review it one more time before sending. I’m afraid of sounding too vanilla for his tastes, but ultimately the issue I’m finding in filling the check list out is that there’s tons of stuff I haven’t done, but a lot of it I’m quite willing to try. We’ll see how my list goes over.

Strip Club

Published on August 4, 2007 in sex. 0 Comments

Last night we went out to a strip club at Davey’s request. I’ve mostly been underwhelmed by my few strip club experiences, but I was game to do something out of the ordinary. It rained something terrible on the way over to the club, and I started getting grumpy about going. Thankfully, I didn’t decide to be a killjoy and not go. Hey, Davey was paying so what did I have to lose?

Davey had a bunch of ones, the thing that inspired the visit. He gave me a few and we sat down by one of the stages and tipped each stripper as she came by and danced for us. A very cute Asian girl came over and offered a lapdance, and Davey had already offered to buy me one (I’d never had one before) so I decided to go for it. Yowza was she hot. It was nice having her rub all up against me; I felt my hips involuntarily move up towards her. It seems like the strippers get friendlier to women at strip clubs – I feel very lucky to be a woman. She also danced a bit for Davey and only charged us one price. She was so adorable! I’m glad to say my first lapdance experience was fun (unlike Davey’s first experience over a year ago at the same club – the woman was scary in the better light and looked terminally bored).

We went back to the stage and soon this really cute girl with a full back tattoo was dancing in front of us. She leaned in close to me and nuzzled my nose. Yummy! We watched and tipped some more girls, then moved to the main stage to see some pole acrobatics. A few of the strippers looked terribly bored and consequently weren’t much fun to watch. Or they were too skinny and lacking in curves to be interesting to me. But most of them were curvy and sexy. And many paid extra attention to me as a woman. We were starting to think about leaving when the cute nuzzler from earlier came over and asked if I was ready for my lapdance. I needed no persuading to say yes. (And my wonderful Davey paid for this one too. It was so nice to be treated and not have to get all worried about finances like I always do.) She really got into the lapdance, nuzzling me some more, being all flirty. And at one point she finally leans in, puts her hand in front of our mouths so Davey can’t see – and she kissed me! Davey said later that he thought she was just pretending but oh yes, she kissed me. I’m left wondering if she was just really good at her job or coming on to me. After the dance (she danced only for me but Davey enjoyed watching) I asked her where the ladies’ room is (since there was only a men’s room available). Yet another perk of being a lady at a strip club – I got led back into the stripper’s changing room to use the bathroom back there.

We left after this and went home and guess what we did? Well first thing I did was dress in only a pretty thong and give Davey a personal lapdance – one where he could freely touch the dancer wherever he wanted. We both got worked up from this. Soon he was going down on me and fingering me and I begged him to put a finger up my ass. (We just got some new lube that day and it works pretty well! It’s like the consistency of an oil based lube but it’s water based.) So he fingered my ass, my pussy and licked at my clit. I came hard.

I stated that next I wanted him and he said, “Oh, where do you want me?” I asked where he wanted to be and he suggested anal. Ok, I figured I was up for it so I got my bullet vibe out and he buggered me for a bit. My pussy was yearning to be fucked so I asked him to do that instead. We fucked and it was hot. After he came, I was still wanting a little more so I used my bullet vibe on my clit to give myself a great orgasm. I was pretty spent after all this. All in all – a really fun night! (And we went out to lunch at an excellent restaurant so pretty much the whole day was lovely.)

Finding a Dom

Published on August 2, 2007 in dom, flogging, kink, sex, spanking and swinging. 1 Comment

So as you all know I’m kinky and my kinky leanings are on the submissive side. While I’ve played with people like D. & L. I’ve never properly had a Dom to play with on a regular basis. But it’s something I’ve always wanted to have. So I perk up when I’m talking with someone online who I’ve met through a dating site and it turns out they’re Dominant. This happened recently and so I met him for dessert in a diner to see how we got along in person (this happened as quickly as it did because he offered his 20-year-old sub to Davey to get fucked and she’s leaving for school soon, and hey, I like to pimp my boyfriend out because I think he can only get better the more experienced he is.) So I felt comfortable with him but still slowly warming up to him. I’m not wildly physically attracted to him, but I am attracted to the fact that he’s a Dom who doesn’t take himself too seriously. (He reads this blog, and I hope that comment does not bother him. I’m becoming rather fond of him in a short period of time and wouldn’t want to say anything hurtful. Anyway, he can always spank me for saying I’m not wildly physically attracted to him, if he likes.

I like a Dom with a sense of humor. Too many Dominant men are too into their roles for me to feel safe playing with them. I like nice guys who are also Dominant. This guy is a gentleman otherwise but quite capable of Domming – the perfect mix! And he has a sense of humor. I’ll have to come up with a pseudonym for him as his initial is the same as someone else’s on this blog – that’s the problem with using initials. Maybe he’ll have a pseudonym he’d like me to use.

So last night Davey and I went to his place and met his lovely young sub. She’s extremely cute, nice body and I took to her (personality-wise) pretty quickly. It’s a shame she’ll be off at school as I’d like to hang out with her (and play with her) again. We took a little while to chat and get acquainted, but that’s the boring stuff so I’ll leave it out of the blog. Soon the Dom (as I’ll call him for now) had gotten out a couple of floggers and he gave Davey a demonstration on how to use them. Soon, I was bending over a chair getting my butt flogged by the smaller of the two floggers. Oh yes, I was in a happy place.

As usual, I was the first person to start doffing garments. I was soon in my underwear (sexy, lacy white underwear chosen for the occasion because, you know, I’m just so innocent I have to wear white. *guffaw*) and getting soundly flogged. I must be a wuss because he wasn’t even hitting me as hard as he could and it was hard enough! I have some light bruising on my hips today from the flogging (and when I bump into the tender spot or see the bruises in the mirror I think fondly back to the night before). He got his sub warmed up by giving her a spanking over his knee, fun to watch and I’m sure even more fun to experience. (I just love the idea of getting an over the knee spanking while being alternately fingered and worked up into a frenzy. And to admit how kinky I really am, I have a fantasy of being spanked until I cry…. don’t ask me why but that gets me hot. So far I haven’t had anyone I was close enough to to live that out with. But I imagine it to be emotionally cathartic.)

He put out some mats on the floor with sheets over them and has his sub get down there to give him a blow job. She looked like she’s very good at doing that, oh and I forgot that she had already given Davey some head at this point. Davey was surprisingly getting into the kinkiness a bit, I think more out of the fact that it turned the rest of us on. He enjoyed seeing me get flogged because he knows that I enjoy it. (Got me wet!) The Dom invites us to join in (Davey and I can be shy until you get us started. If we’re unsure if something’s okay or not we err on the side of not doing something. Yeah we should probably get over this a little.) and so I start stroking her pussy and she thrusts her ass out further towards me. Obviously this is welcome so I wet a finger and slide it inside her and finger her for a little while. Davey joins in with playing with her breasts and then later fingering her as I go over to sit by the Dom who’s enjoying having his dick sucked. He’s very gentle and slow moving with me, as he’s said that he’d like to put off sex with me until it’s a situation where he’s Doming me, and I agree that that’s cool. However, I was getting worked up now watching the sub go down on Davey and getting fondled by the Dom. (Aw heck, I was worked up just from the very idea of going over there!) She leaned over and sucked my nipples a bit so I gladly did the same for her. Davey and the sub went off to fuck in the bedroom as she had expressed a preference for doing it in the bed (and he’s just such a sweetie he’ll always be accommodating). The Dom and I spent time cuddling, caressing, talking. I expressed the fact that I would be comfortable with things moving along more quickly than they are (hey, I was horny, and we all know how much I’m driven by my sexual desires) so I ended up sitting between his legs, back to him, and he fondled my pussy. He slapped it a few times, much to my pleasure! And soon was fingering me. And I squirted all over and came so hard. Then Davey came back out of the bedroom and joined in fingering me. I just loved all that attention. I came a couple more times.

Davey and I were spent at this point (he had had a rough day at work) so after some more chatting we excused ourselves and headed home. But I’m now convinced that I could have a lot of kinky fun with the Dom. I’m definitely warming up to him.