I’m still keeping up with my “think sexy thoughts” campaign and it’s been helped along the past day or so by the Irishman sending me some nasty, hot emails. I sure hope that shagging him turns out to be as fun as flirting with him, or I’ll be sorely disappointed! He suggested some kinky stuff (oh, being tied up, spanked, fingered in both holes but not allowed to cum). Rowr. That’s what I like.
(As long as it’s consensual! I hate that because I once mentioned using a speculum to look at my cervix in my last blog that when I was assaulted with one someone said, “Well you said you wanted that.” Let’s make it clear that a) fantasies don’t always match with what you want done in reality b) I never fetishized speculums, I just used one as a tool to look at a part of my body I wouldn’t otherwise see. I don’t find them sexual in the least. c) even if someone mentions something, in passing, it’s a good fucking idea to ask if they want YOU to do that to them – it’s not necessarily an invitation. I’ve been careful with what I say to the Irishman so he knows what’s cool and what’s something I might want to wait to do, and what I’m totally not up for. As usual, I’m being very communicative with my potential partner. At least I can look at myself and know that I did my very best to take responsiblity for myself that night I was assaulted. I spoke up and said I was being hurt and that I wanted him to stop. That he shook his head no and went beyond that is entirely his fault.)
Ah yes, sexy thoughts are still entangled with assault thoughts in my head. That’s what I’m trying to fight. I want the assault to stop intruding on sexy thoughts I have! I managed it this morning after reading the Irishman’s email and replying. I was so horny! Too bad I had to head out to work. Today was harrowing at work so I’m not feeling as horny, but I can always hope for an impromptu email from the Irishman to rev me up again.
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